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some things in exandria were, and always have been, created for each other. caleb and frumpkin, yasha and the colour black, fjord and dubious sea snakes, jester and vaguely phallic statues, beau's fists and whichever creep's face it was hurtling towards, caduceus and his bone flute, nott and her natural thirty on stealth checks, the list goes on.
but other things, more elusive, dangerous and sinister things, they make up the meetings that deities have moved whole skies and entire timelines to prevent. things that when they collide, only the lucky and the mighty have seen, and few live to tell the tale. and as the tale goes, on this particular day, in this particular tree-adorned house in the heart of xhorhas, the inevitable occurred.
it was not an outstanding morning by any sorts. the streets were empty, the neighborhood was quiet, the skies shone brightly in signal of the arriving sun (as brightly as it ever did in the dynasty, which was not at all), and the mighty nein had just recently returned from a trip to uthodurn. in the kitchen, tea was being made, purchases were being unpacked, and the soft hum from the direction of the hot tub indicated that it was being warmed up.
this peace, however, did not last. jester, who had been enjoying her black moss cupcakes on the kitchen counter, legs dangling, gave a sudden gasp of realization.
“you guys,” she said, mid-chew, as she scrutinized her half-eaten dessert. “do you think essek has ever had a cupcake?”
a beat of silence descended on the kitchen as the rest of the mighty nein considered this.
“no?” yasha said.
“yeah, no, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy,” beau added. “i can’t picture it.”
jester frowned and thought hard. she knew her friends were most likely right, but never having a cupcake? in one's entire long existence? that sounded unreasonably depressing to her. it would explain why essek looked so sad all the time.
noticing this, yasha picked up a cupcake. in an effort to mimic the dark elf, she raised her eyebrows and opened her eyes wide, glaring accusingly at the cupcake then at the rest of the room. “what is this glutinous monstrosity before me?” she said, in the most polished voice she could muster.
when that elicited howls of laughter from around the room, yasha grinned.
“let me try.” caduceus reached over for another cupcake. he sat rim rod straight and took a generous bite. munching thoughtfully, he stated in a flat voice. “the sugar in this is quite sweet.”
that earned him a couple of groans.
“my turn! my turn!” jester squealed. she held up the one she had been eating and swallowed the remaining half whole. after a few suspenseful beats, an idea sprung to her. slurping down the cupcake, she let out a very audible ‘mhmmhmhmhmmm!’ as she wriggled her shoulders vigorously in delight.
“that’s your essek impression?” beau asked, incredulous.
“i could hear him doing that!”
nott already had one in her hands. she peered closely at it, almost as if she was taking it apart with her eyes. “looks like a sticky pillow.”
fighting a smile, beau rolled her eyes. she picked up a cupcake herself. putting on a serious expression, she raised her eyebrows and deadpanned. “i don’t care for it. *classical music*.”
there were a few chortles around the room when they heard knocks at the door.
fjord, who had been sitting closest (and furthest away from the nonsense, lest he get infected too), stood up and received their visitor, ushering a baffled, floating essek into the xhorhaus as the wind chime tinkled precariously above their door.
uncomfortable at the amused looks directed towards him, essek inquired politely. “what’s going on here? what are you doing?”
“essek, hey,” beau casually dropped her dessert back onto the plate and opted for inconspicuousness. “nothing, just—” she picked up the box with the uneaten cupcakes and lifted it up to him, “—eating some black moss cupcakes. care for one?”
essek drifted closer to the table, intrigued. “black-moss-cup-cake?”
slender fingers emerging from behind his cloak, he gently pried one off and indulged in a bite. chewing thoughtfully and staring at the distance, he seemed to process the taste for a few moments. the mighty nein exchanged expectant looks.
“hm!” essek said suddenly, and everyone jumped. he began to chuckle, the air of formality he once adopted lost. “mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm! hm-hm! mhmmhmmhm-hm-hm!”
while the mighty nein blue-screened, jaws agape, jester pointed triumphantly and grinned.
“i knew it!”
they learnt an important lesson that day: essek and black moss cupcakes. that was all it took to end the world.