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Dire Crowley’s face split into a grin and he clapped his hands as he listened to Ashton Vargus’ latest suggestion for the end-of-term excursion.
“A cruise! How exciting! What’s the worst that can happen?”
Well, yes indeed! Let’s see exactly what our staff and students get up to on a week-long cruise to the South Pacific.
First, the staff.
The headmaster is having fun. He loves to travel and certainly looks the part – a middle-aged English tourist, replete with hat, Hawaiian shirt, long shorts, socks and sandals. He takes part in many of the on-board activities and genially greets the other guests.
Mozus Trein is the epitome of understated affluence and elegance. Open-necked shirt, casual but expensive, with well-cut casual trousers and a light jumper tied around his neck. Comfortable and stylish deck shoes. Most of his time is spent in the library with a continuous supply of the finest cognac, perusing the excellent collection of first editions, often in deep conversation with the young librarian. One night while dining at the Captain’s table (of course) he catches the eye of a pretty young waitress; there is something familiar about her and he ponders over it until taking up his customary position in the library the next morning. Then it strikes him – the waitress and the librarian are the same person! How interesting! He’s never been with a gendermorph before – crossdressers, yes; transexuals, yes; but this? This is going to be fun!
Ashton Vargus is the archetypal cashed-up bogan* on holiday. Tight bathers with Hawaiian shirt and thongs, he spends most of his mornings in the gym, trying to work off the effects of the copious number of beers he drank the night before while in the spa with his like-minded companions. When he can, he’s chatting up the girls, maybe one time he’ll be just sober enough to actually get lucky.
[* “cashed-up bogan”:A particularly Australian term. In this context, someone who is loud, boisterous, uncouth, a heavy drinker with a lot of money to splash around.]
Sam is also drinking, but not heavily. He’s on first-name basis with all the barmen who give him freebies and discounts, especially if they can convince him to play the piano during their busier times. During the afternoons he can often be found lying in the sun discreetly smoking something relaxing.
And then there is Divus Crewel. Divus, unfortunately, is not a boat person. He spent the first two days very sick, until Crowley suggested he try drinking. It was said at least partly in jest, but it worked! The downside(?) being that he needed to keep his inebriation at a certain level. And so he has been enjoying the rest of the trip, constantly tipsy and with a retinue of barely-dressed young men always ready do anything he asked: fetch a drink, light a cigarette, apply the sunscreen necessary to ensure that his perfect ivory skin doesn’t burn… (And isn’t it thoughtful that those private pool-side cabanas can accommodate up to 6 people?)
Vil Schoenheit, also, is concerned about his skin care routine. Sun and chlorine can wreak havoc on delicately pampered skin and it therefore requires precise attention in the application of the appropriate sunscreen: that’s where Jack Howl comes in. He can always be relied upon to apply it properly – the right amount in ALL the right places. And if his fingers linger a little around the nape of Vil’s exquisitely arched neck, or over his taut nipples, or slip below the waistband of his bathers to lightly brush the tip of his perfectly positioned member, well – it IS necessary to make sure that it is applied thoroughly.
(Intriguingly, several passengers clearly hear the howl of a triumphant wolf on several nights of the cruise, despite there being no wolves in the South Pacific, and the ship being far out to sea.)
Vil and Jack are accompanied at the edges of the pool by the other members of their two dorms.
Leona Kingscholar lounges beside the pool, his scanty bathers very much on display, his body gleaming with tanning oil. Beside him, Epel Felmier watches him with evident admiration as Leona feeds him macarons and compliments. From time to time Leona stalks off to the sauna and Epel heads to the gym to work on his non-existent muscles. Sometimes Vil also turns up to the sauna, which luckily is lockable from the inside: when they exit, both are quite flushed, somewhat breathless and a little unsteady on their feet – but then again, they HAVE been in a sauna…
Both also spend some time in the ship’s massage and beauty centre, where they are joined by Kalim Al Asim and Jamil Viper. Kalim loves being pampered, and has decided to make his way down the list of massage and beauty services one by one. Jamil is torn between his duty to stay by Kalim’s side, and his desire try out some of the dance and aerobics classes: in the end, he usually stays long enough to get Kalim settled, heads to his class, and then returns to his master.
Back by the pool, Rook Hunt is in his element, as he has both Vil and Leona in his sights, and both are relaxed enough to let him just watch. Ruggie Bucchi joins this group when he is not performing the duties of the various casual jobs that he’s managed to pick up while on board – bar tender, pool attendant, croupier.
Azul Ashengrotto also spends much of his time sitting around the edge of the pool. Unwilling to transform in order to swim, and not willing to fully trust the Leech twins in their merform, he contents himself with dangling his legs and watching them swim. They are enjoying being able to take their natural form and swim in the warm water of the pool. Occasionally they escape the confines of the ship and chase each other around the ocean, particularly when they are close to land, where they can party with the locals. When not swimming, the three of them spend time in the casino – watching, counting, waiting for the right time to play their cons.
Over to the Heartslabyul boys, where Riddle Rosehearts is, like Divus, wracked with seasickness but, unlike Divus, is not in a position to turn to alcohol for relief. Instead he turns to Trey Clover. No-one is really sure why, but Trey is Riddle’s willing slave; constantly fetching him whatever he needs and tending to him with evident concern. When Riddle eventually settles enough to sleep, Trey accompanies Cater Diamond to some of the ship’s various activity centres, particularly the cinema, the cabaret shows and the water slides. On port days they can be found sampling the exotic cafes and paddle boarding or wind surfing the local beaches.
Meanwhile, Ace Trappola and Deuce Spade are joined by Yuu and Grimm in a methodical exploration of all the attractions and activities provided by each day’s daily program. They are often joined by the boys from Diasomnia, sans Malleus. Lilia Vanrouge, like the headmaster, loves to travel and has taken it upon himself to ensure that his adopted son Silver and his young friend Sebek Zigvolt get everything they can from this experience. When Lilia is otherwise occupied, the younger boys often retire to the gym, where they hone their fighting skills.
It was during one of their visits to the silent disco that this group meet up with Idia and Ortho Shroud. The brothers spend most of their time in their cabin, until Ortho learns about the silent disco and pesters Idia to attend. He acquiesces, knowing that this is probably the only activity that he, personally, will attend in person as he won’t have to actually interact with the other participants. Little does he know that tonight will be a night of firsts.
Engrossed in their own music and dance moves, Idia and Lilia connect via a freak cross-over and discover that they are best friends and closest confidantes in their joint on-line gaming world. Uncharacteristically, Idia finds that he is able to conduct a real conversation with Lilia in the real world and they stay talking long into the night after the disco has finished and the younger boys head back to their rooms.
And that leaves Malleus Draconia. Elegant, regal and aloof, the tall dragon lord spends most of the cruise walking the battlements of the ship, watching with interest the ephemeral mortals frantically living their brief lives. During one such perambulation on a particularly rough night, he finds Leona sitting at one of the bars, drinking without interest and looking very much the worse for wear. Whilst not at home on the ocean, Leona was generally not subject to seasickness, except tonight.
“Crewel suggested alcohol. Drink with me?”
“If you wish.”
Several hours later they start to make their way to their cabins. Both too drunk to stand by themselves, they decide to both go to one cabin and sleep there.
Yes, we can see where this is going…
Option 1: they reach Leona’s cabin, where they are found lying together in each other’s arms in the morning by Ruggie, who decides this is not his problem and closes the door. They are later discovered that way by Jack, who freaks and heads to Vil, who takes it to Lilia.
Option 2: they reach Malleus’ cabin, where they are found lying together in each other’s arms in the morning by Sebek, who screams, fumes and takes it to Lilia.
Lilia’s impotent anger is finally soothed when he realises that both are fully dressed and very hungover. They are sent to their respective rooms to sleep it off. Little, however, does Lilia know that elsewhere on the ship last night, another liaison was taking place that arguably better deserved his consternation.
On his way back to his cabin after his extraordinary night, Idia has an even more uncharacteristic experience. He stumbles upon a sleeping Silver and, not for the first time, thinks how much he looks just like a sleeping princess. Unlike that first time, he doesn’t merely look and walk on: emboldened by his animated conversation with Lilia (and the first alcohol that he had ever drunk), he kneels by the sleeping Silver and plants a kiss directly on his parted lips. To his surprise, Silver opens his eyes and returns the kiss, entwining his fingers in Idia’s long blue hair. The scion of the Jupiter clan becomes lost in those aurora eyes, and finds a connection more carnal than he ever thought possible.
And so the ship returns to port and everyone returns to school, more or less in one piece. Wonder who’ll get to choose next term’s school vacation?