Chapter Text
Marlene had always preached about self-love, and, if she was being completely honest, the person that she really wanted to convince was herself. Her parents never forced her to get the best marks at Hogwarts, nor had she grown up in a competitive environment, which was why she always asked herself the same question: where does this necessity of being the best come from? But she could never seem to find a proper answer. She was a sweet person, she told herself, so why does she feel an overwhelming urge to be the best at everything she does? Why can’t she just enjoy things instead of beating herself up if she isn’t the best? But every time she tried to change, it felt like something came over her and she couldn’t see properly, her only objective being winning. And it tired her, terrified her at times, because it seemed she could never stop herself. No matter how much she tried.
Dorcas, on the other hand, was in quite a different situation. She was the younger sister of two, with divorced parents. She lived with her mother and brother, Dorian, who seemed to have been the best at everything since he was born. When he entered Hogwarts, Dorian was sorted into Gryffindor (which Dorcas had not), making both of their parents proud and happy their son was following their steps. He quickly became top of the class and, in his second year, entered the quidditch team. He was now a world champion, which caused very different reactions from his parents and sister. Dorian was the favourite; he always had been, and Dorcas had to live up to that. At least that’s what her parents had convinced her of. So, every day, she tried her hardest to become top of the class and to get the best marks. But she seemed to be always second, because Marlene McKinnon was always the best. Always first. And Dorcas found herself being someone’s shadow again.
They were rivals, as you would expect them to be, but the problem was that neither of them would give up the fight.
Marlene woke up earlier than everyone else, as usual, even before breakfast was ready. She got dressed in her uniform, always so neat, and made her way down to the common room to start reading for charms class, the first class of the day. When it was 7pm, people started to wake up, and, eventually, coming down to the common room or leaving on their way to the Great Hall. Soon, Lily and Alice arrived.
“Morning, Marls” said Lily, followed by Alice.
“Morning” Marlene greeted them back.
“Shall we go to breakfast?”
Both Lily and Marlene nodded at Alice, and so the three of them started their walk down to the Great Hall.
When they arrived, they where quickly followed by James, Sirius, Remus and Peter.
“Morning, ladies” Lily rolled her eyes at James, but he seemed to either ignore it or pretend to.
“Reckon McKinnon woke up earlier to study, eh?”
Marlene sent a fake smile towards Sirius.
“You’re really an observer, aren’t you Sirius?”
Sirius simply smiled.
“I’m just saying, you always look so tired y’know?”
“Yes, Marls, you really shouldn’t wake up so early everyday” said James in a worried manner.
“I know, I know…” she sighed.
But, even when she knew it was wrong only sleeping around four to five hours, she still did it, and she didn’t know how to function if she wasn’t overworking herself anyway.
Breakfast ended rather quickly, and Marlene soon found herself sitting in charms class, almost falling asleep, if she could ever admit that.
“Miss McKinnon…” ventured Professor Flitwick “Are you feeling well?”
Marlene felt embarrassed to say the least, but still managed to bring herself to nod in response.
“Ok…” said the professor, not quite convinced “Do tell me if you are feeling unwell, yes?”
“Of course, Professor.”
And so, the class went on, until it was over, and Marls was glad she had a free period next, because, as much as she hated the idea, she desperately needed to take a nap.
“I’ll be in the common room.” She told her friends “Should any of you need anything”
“Pleaaase tell me you’re not going to study during free time, Marlene,” said Peter.
“No, actually I’m going to take a nap, so don’t pull any of your nasty pranks on me while I do it will ya?”
They all laughed, but James still looked worried. He could always tell when something was wrong, and obviously, he thought to himself, Marls wasn’t doing well.
“D’you want me to go with you? I’ve to go there to anyways.”
“Sure” Marlene smiled.
And so, they started their walk to Gryffindor tower.
“Marls?”
“Mhm?”
“How are you feeling lately?”
“Why’d you ask?”
“It’s just that… It doesn’t seem you’re getting enough sleep recently, does it?”
Marlene sighed, “No, probably sleep about four hours at night I think.”
“Marls” James said, a confused expression on his face “How d’you even function?”
“Don’t know really, I’m pretty much tired everyday”
“Hey…” the taller boy stopped “Why don’t you try waking up later? Just for one day!” he rushed to say, noticing his friend was about to complain.
“Ok, ok…” she smiled “I’ll try”
James smiled back “Now, go sleep”
Both laughed as Marlene entered the common room and James went back with the others.
Dorcas sighed as she made her way into the restroom, looking at herself in the mirror. Her dark skin seemed pale, and she had dark circles under her eyes that were noticeable even when she had tried to cover them with make up that morning. She touched her face with her old hands to try and make it look less puffy, and then rushed out of the room.
While she was walking to her next class, she found herself wondering about Marlene McKinnon and what had happened today in charms class. She couldn’t help but relate to her tiredness and wish she could also have a free period. But then she stopped to ask herself; how does she even know that Marlene has a free period? Had she been paying that much attention to someone she despised? That thought made her roll her eyes. It was just a coincidence, she thought to herself, nothing more. And anyway, she shouldn’t be wasting time worrying about what she was doing when she had so much to worry about with her own life.
To start with, she had to find a way to become top of the class, which she seemed to never be able to do, even when she worked harder. That made her mad every single time. Why was it, it was so much easier for Dorian and Marlene? Why couldn’t people like her as much? Why couldn’t she be as good as them? But the thing is, she was. She was good, only she couldn’t see it, and it made her so sad she just tried harder and harder, forgetting to live her life outside of academics. It wasn’t healthy, but what else could she do? She had so much weight on her shoulders, so much that it physically pained her at times. The problem was, she didn’t know how else to live.