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"Caitlyn, you need to stop, please! How often have you been doing this?" Ekko grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me.
"I don't know, I don't care! What good is counting failures for?! I have to fix this no matter how long it takes. Send me back, Ekko! Now!"
I am outraged. I do not understand why but it gets harder to convince him every time. Anyway, I cannot give up.
"Some things just will happen. I, too, had to learn this lesson the hard way. I'm just trying to spare you from the whole experience.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m way too far from stopping.”
Ekko sighs. “Alright. Stay save.”
He pulls out his time travelling device and sends me back once more – back to the Lanes, back to the minutes before Sevika’s goons teamed up with some Noxian mercenaries from Ambessa Medarda’s army to ambush Vi and me. We were on our way from the Firelight’s refuge to The Last Drop where Vi mostly lived these days. Reclaiming this place had been such an effort but it meant so much to her that we fought for it anyway. And we won. So how can it be that we are bound to loose this time? I will never accept this outcome. There must be another way.
“Cupcake?” Her voice makes my heart twitch. The first time I heard it again, I thought my soul would crumble to dust. By now, I got used to the procedure... somewhat. “Sorry, I was distracted. Yes, I’d love to have a drink before we go to bed.” I intertwine her fingers and mine pulling her close. That is the only way I can find the strength to keep going.
She turns to smile at me sweetly and kisses my cheek. I feel tears burning in my eyes. I cannot help it no matter how often I relive this moment.
“Are you okay, love?”
She always senses that there is something wrong. I am unsure of what to do next. I tried walking several other routes, heading towards my own home, staying with Ekko and his friends and taking them with us. I even told her a few times and we tried to sneak up on the enemies but nothing ever worked. I suddenly realise how exhausted I am. My body aches and my soul is raw. I yearn for peace and rest. Maybe this time, I will just hold her here. At least, that is something I did not try before.
“Not exactly”, I answer, wrap my arms around her and bury my face into her neck. “I feel like my world is collapsing.” I did not even mean to say it out loud but I always switch to sharing all my thoughts whenever we are alone.
“That sounds horrible! Why? A second ago everything seemed fine.”
“That was another me from another time.”
“What?!” I hug her tighter, cling to her like that could prevent life from taking her from me.
“Cait...”, she whispers in deep concern and I start to cry. The sobs come violently and I struggle to stay on my feet. Actually, it is Vi holding me.
“I... I love you”, I finally manage to say. Not that this is relevant for the upcoming events but I cannot think of anything else.
“I know. I love you, too.” I straighten to cup her cheeks with my hands and look into her soft, worried eyes
“And you know that I would never let you go... not like this. Right?” I frighten her, I see that, but I need to get this off my mind and heart.
“Sure, dear, now tell me what’s up, please!”
“Imagine I’d have to do something but I fail every time. I’m running out of options and... I just can’t get it right.”
“And whose life depends on your success?”
I swallow hard. “Yours.”
“Huh. Why don’t we do it together then?”
I lean my head against hers. “Tried that. Didn’t work.”
“Well, I’m not saying that I understand any of what you’re talking about but I’m sure you’ll find a way. You always do by some miracle or another.” It is not the first time she said the exact same thing but it hits different every time. In this particular moment it crushes me because I question if it is true.
I hear footsteps. It begins again. More tears are gathering to overwhelm me. I grab Vi’s face and kiss her. In a few seconds she will be dying in my arms and take yet another part of me with her – as always.
----------
Here I am again with Ekko, begging him to send me back in time to save Vi.
“I loved her, too, Cait, but you look devastated. Such things break you, watching your beloved die over and over again. This kills you and I won’t help you to self-destruct.”
“Fuck, Ekko, just do it! What does it cost you?!” I scream at the top of my lungs. He is right. I am torn and on my knees but I cannot stop. Never. I am fine with killing myself trying but I will not live as a coward.
He kneels down beside me and places his hands firmly on my shoulders. He acts so old sometimes that I forget he is barely an adult. “It costs me you, Cait! We won’t be able to make our city a better place if you loose yourself over this tragedy.”
These words finally catch my attention. I let them resonate in my mind for a brief moment, then all of a sudden everything seems to make sense. “Yes, Ekko! You’re right, brilliant even! I really lost myself. I was so desperately trying to change the outcome that I forgot the way! Thank you, thank you so much!” I hug him fiercely. “I know what I have to do now. I need to do it my way. How could I…? Please send me back. I’ll only need two or three further rewinds, okay?”
Ekko looks at me with pity. He thinks I cracked up, I can see this in his eyes but he fulfils my wish anyway. How could I forget, I am an investigator?! I need to fully analyse the situation before jumping into action. I will set the record straight. I just need more information.
“Cupcake?” Her voice warms me this time. I will save you. I can do it. “Yes, love. I’m sorry. I was thinking about… I have a bad feeling like something will happen, you know?”
She stops short. “Here?”
I nod and take a look at our surroundings recording every detail. “Let’s just be cautious.”
We continue our way at strolling speed, watching the perimeter carefully. There are a lot less people than usual on the streets. Coincidence or were they warned?
Two more blocks and here they come: Sevika’s goons and the Zaunite heroine herself. Vi goes straight into fighting mode. I pull out my rifle. While shooting only to protect Vi and me I notice how Sevika pushes a button on her belt. Shortly after that, the Noxians arrive from behind us. Where were they hiding? Did that button call them?
Sevika’s goons are knocked out by now but Vi is heavily wounded and I just lost my rifle to one of the soldiers. “Caitlyn!” Vi is rushing towards me when a bullet hits her. Sevika launches at her and takes her down. I only just see her slitting Vi’s throat before I get knocked unconscious. I always get saved either by Firelights or enforcers or even Viktor once. It feels as if fate is mocking me.
----------
When I return to Ekko, lightly wounded but still standing, I have my notes with me. “See, if I can take down Sevika or just her belt before she calls the Noxians, we can escape before they surround us.”
“Is this your second time?”
“Not quite.”
“Be sure to respect your own limits. It can be devastating to watch a loved one die over and over again.”
“Yes, it is. But I am determined to prevent it this time. Send me back two hours, please.”
He obeys and I am back. “So how about you and I fetch a fruity little drink and go to bed, huh?”
I barely register her voice. I am a detective right now, numbing myself, focussing on the case instead of the person beside me. “I might need something stronger tonight.” Vi’s eye brows shoot up and I explain “I have the feeling something is about to happen. Do you mind if I watch from above?”
“I can go with -”
“No! I need you down here. As a bait?” My stomach turns as I say that but Vi simply nods with furrowed brows.
I climb the rooftops as she showed me months ago and survey the perimeter again staying as close to Vi as I can. There comes Sevika blocking the street. Vi jumps into action and I aim at Sevika. I shoot her. I never wanted to kill anyone and I still feel bad doing that but it seems to be the only way to save Vi so I pull the trigger.
Through the scope I see her break down and press the button with her last breath. Damn! I turn to look at the streets around me. The Noxians come from inside a wrecked building in an adjacent alley. I shoot some of them down but it is not enough. They flood the street and kill Vi.
I failed again and the last thing I see of her is that shocked look on her face. I understand what it means immediately “I always thought you would never kill someone.” Me too, love.
----------
“Maybe we can help you. You were outnumbered but with us…?” He sits down beside me, leaning against the giant tree.
“No, Ekko. I already tried that. They just killed you, too. It was the closest to a dead end I got. Even tough I now know where they hide it just doesn’t seem to be the right answer. There is still something I keep missing.”
“You know, obsession just makes things worse.”
“No. It’s the way I solve problems. I dive into it as deep as possible and find a way.”
“Sometimes certain events just -”
“Stop! Don’t tell me it’s bound to happen. I can’t believe that and how do you even know?”
“I nearly got myself and all of the Firelights killed when I tried to save one of them two month ago when I enhanced my Z-drive to take me back hours instead of seconds and minutes. I tried hundreds of times and I never succeeded. I finally acknowledged that even though I wield a lot of power with this device I am still just a boy and I can’t change the way the world is turning.”
“Mhh.” I lower my eyes and flip through my note book.
He sighs. “You know what, Cait? I will give you one last chance, okay?”
My head shoots up. “What? Why?!”
He hands me a note in his handwriting saying “Tell Cait: ‘Last time’.”
“You went back to send yourself a note, telling you to not send me back anymore?”
“I’m sorry. I know how you feel and what you are going through right now. Just as you are trying to save Vi, I am trying to save you.”
A storm of mixed feelings hits my heart: frustration, anger, affection, despair... I really feel like I am on the edge of madness - and just like that the solution falls into my lap! I light up again and jump to my feet. “Alright, Ekko. One more time. That’s all I need. How long can you take me back?”
He is puzzled by my reaction but answers “212 minutes.”
“Okay. Please do that.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“I’ll tell you later. I need every second now.” He pulls out his Z-drive and sends me back.
This time the scenery does not change – only the people. I sit in the grass surrounded by Firelights, Vi beside me, Ekko in front of her, laughing at some insider I already forgot about.
“I’m sorry but I just remembered I need to do something really important right now”, I say while standing up. Vi gets up, too, as a reflex. “I’m doing this alone, darling. If I’m not back in time just go home. I’ll meet you there, okay?”
Vi is confused of course. “What’s so important that you leave all of a sudden but not -”
“I’ll explain later. Trust me. I’ll be fine.” I kiss her and march towards the entrance that is opened for me. Once out I start to run, my footsteps thundering in the tunnel like my heart does in my chest. Please be still there!
Twenty minutes later, I knock on a rotting wooden door. “I come in peace. Vi’s in danger and I need your help to save her life”, I shout entering the dark moulding ruin. Gravel scrapes the floor, metal jingles, then two pink eyes light up in the dark before me, a hand tightens around my throat and a gun is pressed to my temple.
“You came here to die, I figure.”
“I’m serious” I strain to say. “I know you still love her and you know very well that I do, too.” She narrows her eyes to slits but her grip loosens. “Hate me as much as you want, try killing me afterwards, I don’t care. But for now, listen, please! You are my last hope.”
Despite all the madness and Shimmer in her brain she silently listens as I fill her in with all I know about what will happen. When I finish she does not even bother to ask me about time travelling or seem to doubt anything I said. She just grabs my collar, pulls me close and hisses “So you want me to blow something up?”
----------
At last, I am walking down the street with Vi at my side and Jinx on my mind. “Are you gonna tell me what you were doing any time soon or do I have to keep guessing?”
“I’ll tell you when it’s over. For now, all you need to know is that Sevika will show up with some thugs in tow in a minute.” Vi looks at me in deep concern and confusion. I simply pull out my rifle.
“Shouldn’t you be shooting from a safe distance then?”
“Don’t worry about me. Just get ready to kick their asses.”
There they come. Vi casts me a short look of wonderment, then fights our attackers. I shoot whenever I get the chance to hit without dealing lethal damage knowing this will hardly count against what happens next.
Sevika pushes the button, a second passes and my heart stands still. Then an explosion shatters the night and even I cringe. She did it. Sevika’s eyes go wide as if she already knows what that meant. Vi searches for my eyes but I keep them on Sevika, my rifle aiming at her chest.
“Surrender!”, I shout at her and when she turns to launch at Vi, I pull the trigger, the bullet digging deeply into her thigh. She screams and Vi knocks her unconscious. Got you, bitch!, I think but do not dare to be relieved.
“Gottcha, bitch!” Vi says smiling impishly. I turn around, my finger still on the trigger but all I see are defeated enemies and my loved one walking toward me. “Anything else I should prepare for, Cupcake?” I wait in silence only my heartbeat sounding in my ears.
The night had gone quite after the explosion. No one dares to raise their voices. Suddenly, I shiver and my hands start trembling. “Love?” Vi’s arm around my waist steadies me. Minutes have passed and still nothing happens. Could I really...?
A moaning startles me but it is just one of Sevika’s goons regaining his consciousness. I hear the enforcers marching in step towards us. When they appear on the horizon of this neon-lit fighting scene I finally breath again. It’s over! It worked!
I feel an urge to look up at the roof tops and see the tip of a light blue braid vanishing in the dark. Thank you, Powder.
Unexpectedly, Vi stands in front of me, grasping my face gently, her brows furrowed. “You are as pale as a Piltoverian wall. Let’s get you home and in bed, shall we?”
Meanwhile the enforcers arrest Sevika and her thugs. Their leader calls me “Officer Kiramman? May I ask you, what happened?”
“I’ll be alright. Don’t worry.” We tell the enforcers what they need to know and head back to the Firelights. “I’m fine, Vi, really. I just need to thank Ekko for his assistance and show him it worked.”
“And what worked?”
I sigh. I have to tell her one day or another. Why not get it off my conscience right now? “Promise me, you will forgive me someday” I begin and summarise my past days repeating this encounter dozens of times and how I finally managed to overcome fate.
“So you joined up with my sister, hiring her to blow up a bunch of soldiers who had been hired to kill the two of us?” Vi lets go of my hand and turns to face me.
My heart twitches. I never really understood people who said they would do anything to protect their family but slowly it dawns on me. “Yes.”
I am not able to decrypt the look in her eyes until she wraps her arms around me and pulls me so close I can hardly breath. I got you back! At last, I feel relieved. All the tension, pain and grief suddenly fall off and I lean against my lover. I do not even sense the tears until they run down my cheek.
“I’m sorry.” Vi pulls back slightly to look at me. “I’m so sorry you had to do this and even all by yourself.”
“I thought you would be mad at me for… you know. And also: I was never alone. I had Ekko and in that fight I always had you by my side. We even talked about this situation a few times.”
“I could never be mad at you. You did what you had to. I just hope it won’t change you or drag you down.”
“I’ll try to hold my ground. Much more likely to succeed with you than without you.”
We exchange some kisses and tender words, then we continue our way to the refuge. Ekko rushes towards us as his friend lets us in. “You’re alive!” He smiles broadly, tears in his eyes, then falls into Vi’s arms briefly. “I never thought… Damn, Caitlyn, you did it! You’re an unstoppable force!”
He hugs me, too, jumping slightly as if too giddy to stand still. I laugh. Here he is: a teenage boy, old for his age, with an incredible device and a good heart. “No, my friend. We did it.”