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Chapter Text

You've probably heard this story before. Young Satou Kazuma died at an early age, and reincarnated into a world of magic and monsters. Through some poorly-made choices, he was accompanied by the goddess Aqua, who took the role of his party's archpriest. Kazuma himself lacked the stats required to pick an actual class, so he remained as a basic adventurer. In addition to Kazuma and Aqua, Megumin the wizard joined their party, as well as Darkness the crusader. These four heroes would go on to defeat many foes and were known far throughout the land on their journey to defeat the Devil King… or at least that's what Kazuma hoped for.

In reality, his party members were anything but competent. Aqua was not only egotistical and pretentious, she was also incredibly childish to the point where her emotions could switch from one extreme to another in the blink of an eye. Megumin, could only cast a single heavy-hitting AOE spell that drained her mana once a day, not to mention her being an extremely obsessive chuunibyou that refused to learn anything else. Finally, you had Darkness. While she could easily stand against nearly any attack in the world, she was also incapable of dishing out any damage due to her inability to actually hit anything. Not to mention she was a masochist, that made everyone uncomfortable. Kazuma himself didn't have any kind of special power, and his leadership skills tended to fall on deaf ears. It wasn't that they didn't have their perks, but the party of four lacked any amount of competency to properly perform their job.

And now, we arrive at the present point in time, where the party had just completed an elaborate cabbage harvesting quest that allowed them to acquire a sizable amount of was walking about the guild hall; he sported his brand new fantasy outfit.

"My party's super weird, but at least I can rock this word's fashion!" he said, posing in front of no one in particular.

"You got that right!" A pale face suddenly appeared out of seemingly nowhere. Kazuma yelped as his friend Chris, the thief, appeared out of her Lurk.

"Gah! Chris!" he said. "Why'd you do that?"

"Just havin fun." she giggled.

"Well, its nice to see you again. Uh, no hard feeling about the panty incident?"

"Oh sure, that's all in the past!" Chris giggled. Yeah right. And I've just thought up the perfect revenge plan. "Say, are you in the mood for a quick gamble?"

"Sure," said Kazuma. One of his few strong points were his moderate intelligence and decent luck. "What were you thinking?"

"Rock-paper-scissors. Loser does one favor for the winner."

"Done," Kazuma smirked. "Ready?"

"Rock-paper-scissors shoot!"

Kazuma threw out scissors, whilst Chris ended up with paper.

"Hah! I win!" said Kazuma. Thank you lady luck!

"I don't believe it!" Chris gasped.

"I've never lost a game of rock-paper-scissors in my entire life," Kazuma stated. "Now you have to do one thing I say,"

"Great…" Chris let out a dejected sigh. "I was going to make you run naked through the streets as payback…"

"That's greatly disproportionate!" said Kazuma. Okay, what should I make Chris do? Maybe I could have her do something lewd… an opportunity like that only comes to a man like myself once in a blue moon! Although, word would probably spread and my reputation probably isn't that great from the Megumin incident. Hey, that's it!

"Chris, I'd like you to join my party!" Kazuma finally said.

"Eh, that's it?" Chris scratched her head. "You have three advanced classes and you want a low-level thief?"

"Surprisingly, my party's composition of builds lacks any kind of reliable offense abilities. So, I figured a melee damage-dealer would balance us out pretty well. Of course, I could always switch to the naked thing…"

"Deal!" Chris quickly shook his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, new party member!"

"And as to you!" Kazuma gave her a warm smile. He turned in Aqua's direction. "Hey Aqua, look who just joined our party!"

"Aqua?" said Chris, her eyes widening when the archpriest walked over.

"Chris? You mean that thief girl from earlier?" she leaned in, inspecting the thief's appearance. "Strange… I get the feeling I've seen you before…"

"Well, I go around a lot!" Chris laughed nervously. "Anyways, I already know Darkness, but what about that mage that I saw casting Explosion? I'd certainly like to meet her,"

Megumin walked over from her own seat.

"Oh yeah, you're Chris," she said. "You know, I'm almost a little offended by how easily you let her in the party,"

"There are reasons," Kazuma stated bluntly. "But that aside, our money won't last forever…" he looked at Aqua's sizable bar tab. "Especially with her around. So we need to do a quest pretty soon…"

"Oh!" Megumin perked up. "We should do one with lots of small enemies! I want to use the new manatite staff I bought!"

"No, we should do one with big, strong, monsters!" said Darkness. "Those cabbages were barely enough to satisfy me…"

"Is she planning to eat them?" said Chris.

"You have no idea," said Kazuma.

"No, let's do a profitable quest!" said Aqua. "I'm sick of sleeping in the stables."

"It's eleven-o-clock and already a conflict of interest," said Kazuma, glancing at the clock on the wall. "That's probably a new record,"

"Oh, how about this one?" said Chris, taking down a quest. "The giant toads are in mating season so…"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" said both Aqua and Megumin simultaneously.

"They were both eaten a few days ago…" Kazuma whispered in Chris' ear.

"Oh, that's why you were covered in slime!" Chris wiped the sweat off her brow. "I thought you were some kind of deviant,"

"It's both," said Megumin.

"Are you trying to make me look bad? Look, this is the first quest with all five of us. Let's just try and take it easy so we can become acquainted with our moveset."

"Oh, how about this one?" said Aqua. "It's to kill a Zombie Maker in a nearby public graveyard!"

"A zombie maker?" said Kazuma. Everyone gave him strange looks.

"A zombie maker," said Megumin. "You know. When a magic-user dies and turns into a zombie, their magic leaks out and makes more zombies. Hence the name…"

"Zombie maker, I get it," Kazuma tapped his chin. "Although, I would suppose a priest would be pretty strong against an undead…"

"You know it!" Aqua struck some kind of pose. "Just call me the goddess of undead punishment!"

"Sounds great!" said Chris. "Alright, let's get a move on!"

"Alright," said Megumin. She struck a pose that looked weirdly similar to something from Super Sentai "Team Konosuba, Go!"

"What?" said Kazuma.

"Konosuba," said Megumin. "I'm thinking up names for our party. I mean, we have five members now so it sorta makes a lot of sense for us to have a team name."

"You want our party name to be 'This Wonderful'?"

"Yeah, why?" Megumin tilted her head. "Oh, we should also come up with some team poses. And a theme song!"

"A theme song?" said Kazuma. "Are you serious?"

"Do I look like I'm serious?"

A little while later.

The five of them wandered through the dark cemetery.

"Alright, according to the quest, the zombie maker should be somewhere around here…" said Kazuma.

"Uh, Kazuma?" Aqua tapped his shoulder. "I'm getting a weirdly strong undead vibe from this place, I think we might be dealing with something a bit worse than a zombie maker…"

"Quiet!" said Chris. "Look over there!"

Indeed, in the center of the graveyard, a hooded figure stood in front of a large blue magic circle. Glowing blue apparitions floated out, then up and into the darkness of the night sky. The scene would have been almost peaceful, if not for Aqua rushing in like a certain crazed paladin player. I should tell them about that sometimes, Kazuma thought.

"AAAAAAAGH! I'LL BANISH YOU TO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL, YOU LICH!" The hooded figure barely got to turn around before Aqua tackled her to the ground

Wait did she just say lich?

"Hey, wait!" said a high-pitched voice from the supposed lich. "Please don't hurt me! Maybe we can talk about this?"

Quite frankly, it looked more like Aqua was wrestling with a young woman, as opposed to a No-Life king.

"Aqua?" said Kazuma, as the party scrambled over. "Are you sure that's a lich?"

"Of course it is!" said Aqua, pinning the girl to the ground. "Now, we'll just finish you off and our debt will be gone forever!"

"No!" the lich tried to crawl out from under her, but Aqua was surprisingly strong. "I'm not ready to go yet! There's still so much I have to do!"

"Too bad! Turn Un-"

"Aqua!" said Chris.

"What?"

Chris flung out her hand.

"Bind!"

Before she knew what was happening, a series of ropes had tied up the alleged lich.

"Eh?" she said.

"Now let's finish her off!" Chris cackled, a glare in her eyes. "Let's purge the world of the undead scum!" She grinned and drew her blade.

Wait, where did this side of her come from?

"Is… is that an enchanted dagger?" The lich's eyes widened. "No! Please don't kill me! I assure you I'm not doing anything wrong!"

"Alright, enough you two!" Kazuma said.

"Enough?" said Aqua. "Kazuma, this is a high-level undead monster! She's definitely up to no good!"

"It's the magic circle, isn't it?" said Chris. "You're doing something evil with it, aren't you?"

"Confess already!" said Aqua.

"Both of you, STOP!" Kazuma ordered. Chris and Aqua begrudgingly stepped off the tied-up lich.

"T-thank you!" she said. "If you'll let me explain, all I'm doing is letting these lost souls reach heaven! See?" she indicated to the shadowy apparitions floating out of the magic circle. "Some of the people here weren't given proper burials so they can't reach the afterlife. All I did was… hey, stop that!"

Aqua and Chris were both scrambling to rub out the magic circle. At once, the apparitions scattered in every direction.

"Enough!" Darkness grabbed both of them by the collars."You must respect the orders of our leader!"

"Who made Kazuma in charge?" said Aqua.

"Is that so?" said Kazuma. He tapped his chin in thought. "But, isn't this more a job for local priests or bishops?"

"The thing is, the Eris priests here only really care about money, and everyone here is really poor so their families couldn't afford them,"

Chris seemed to forget about the lich in the area as her eyes began to widen.

"Oh, is that so?" she said.

"I never liked those greedy Eris priests…" Aqua mumbled under her breath. "Unlike them, the Axis sect believes everyone is entitled to a minimum standard of burial."

"Well, I guess her record's clean," said Kazuma. He glanced in Aqua's direction as he began to untie the lich. "Also, if you Axis priests believe in that, then I assume you'll give a helping hand?"

"Absolutely?" Aqua smiled. "Just once I tear the lich into bloody pieces…"

"You're not doing that," said Kazuma.

"Thank you very much," said the lich. "My name is Wiz by the way, I run a nearby magic item shop. Here's my business card if you ever…"

"We do not do business with the undead!" Aqua whined, as Kazuma took the card.

"Well I guess we'll see you, Wiz," said Kazuma.

"Goodbye!" Wiz smiled warmly.

A little while later…

"I can't believe we let her go!" said Aqua.

"She's a freaking lich for goodness sake!" said Chris.

"Well, in spite of that…" Aqua enthusiastically grabbed Chris' hands. "At least I now have a fellow party member who shares my distaste for undead!"

"That is kinda nice…" Chris looked away, but failed to hide her blush. "Not everyone here seems to take undead issues as seriously as I do…"

"This feels like the start of a beautiful friendship!" Aqua grinned.

"This feels like the start of a migraine…" said Kazuma.

"So…" said Megumin, who had been weirdly quiet the entire time. "Theme song?"

"NO!"

The very next day…

"Well, yesterday didn't go as planned," said Megumin. "But no matter! Today, we will find a quest!" She did another one of her poses.

"Must you pose every time you announce something?" said Kazuma.

"You know, one of these days I'll show you my village, and then we can argue about the right time to pose."

"I'll look forward to it," Kazuma rolled his eyes and started scanning the quest board. "Hey, there's hardly anything here!"

"What are you talking about?" said Chris.

"I mean, all that's left are super-strong monsters and… assasination targets? What kind of people are putting these up?"

Luna glanced over from her desk.

"Oh, a Devil King general recently moved in around here in an abandoned castle, and all the weaker monsters have been scared away. So they'll be no low-level quests until the knights from the capitol show up to get rid of it,"

"WHAT?" said Kazuma. A Devil King general around here? This is a freaking starter town! I knew the game balance here was weird, but this is outrageous!

As such, Kazuma and his party decided to take a small break. Megumin asked Kazuma to accompany her on her Explosion training.

"Explosion!" exclaimed Megumin, as the towering column of fire struck the abandoned castle. Kazuma recoiled at the shockwave of heat and sound rolled over him. Once the Explosion finished, Megumin dropped to the ground.

"Ow…" she said. Kazuma sighed and hoisted her onto his back.

"And you plan on doing this every day?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course," she said. "And while we're here, we can talk about our team poses…"

"No way,"

Thus, was the pattern of life that followed for the next week. It didn't matter the weather or the time, they would be there. It wasn't quite the exciting life of adventure Kazuma had hoped for, but at least he could enjoy the company. As time passed by, he slowly began to notice the little differences in Megumin's explosions. Whether that be the heat, or the sound, or the glow, they exchanged their thoughts whenever they could, and even scored them.

"Today's was the best by far," he said on a particular day. "There was a nice and crisp shockwave that gently caressed my spine. And the column was exceptionally high. I give it 86 points. Speaking of which..."

Kazuma took a look at his adventure card and saw this.

Explosion: 50 points.

"Huh, well would you look at that," he said. Megumin glanced up from the ground.

"Your understanding of Explosion has finally reached its peak," she said. "Now, might you consider taking it on yourself, and we can make beautiful Explosions together?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted…" Kazuma tapped his chin. "Although, I could really use something a little less mana-draining for now. Maybe once I level up my magic ability…"

What am I saying? How can I level up anything while this damn Devil King General is taking away all the easy quests! And our money's starting to run low. Maybe we should try one of the harder ones… with Chris we might just be able to get away with something…

Back at the guild, Kazuma gathered all his party members at a table.

"Alright guys, I think it's about time we start sharing our abilities with each other for tactical reasons, also so we can know what kinds of quests we can do."

This has been put off too long. If I'm going to get any use out of these nitwits, I better try and find ways we can work together.

"Darkness, let's start with you," he turned in the crusader's direction.

"Okay, well I have Acid Resistance, Cold Resistance, Fire Resistance, Physical Resistance, Lightning Resistance, Necrotic Resistance, Poison Resistance, Psychic Resistance, Radiance Resistance, Shockwave Resistance, Seismic Resistance, Divine Resistance, Magical Resistance, Charm Resistance, Stun Resistance, Blindness Resistance, Deafness Resistance, Petrification Resistance, Grappling Resistance…"

"Anything you're NOT resistant to?" said Kazuma.

"Um… Possession?" said Darkness. "Although, I'm probably going to get that skill next so…"

"Don't. Just don't. Anything else?"

"Decoy," Darkness said. "It's a skill that pulls aggro from every monster in the area. I used it during the cabbage harvest to…"

"Got it," said Kazuma. "Anything offensive?"

"Not really…" Darkness glanced away. "If I could actually hit monsters, they'd probably die before they could hit me properly…"

"I see. So you're hopeless?"

Crap. Shouldn't've said that.

Darkness let out another moan.

"So… direct…"

Kazuma ignored her and turned to Megumin.

"Obviously, there's my Explosion," she said, already knowing what he was going to ask. "I also have Advanced Fire Magic, Fast Casting, Enhanced Pyrotechnics, Shockwave Intensity, Rapid Detonation, and Energy Manipulation." She listed off each skill as if they were achievements.

"So… just things that buff your Explosion?" he said.

"Yes, that's right."

"And you don't intend to take any other spells?"

"Yes, that's also right."

"I see. So you're also hopeless?"

"Hey!"

Aqua chimed in.

"My skills are vast and cover a wide range of areas! To start, I have…"

"I already know you're hopeless."

"WHAT?"

"And we finally have Chris," said Kazuma.

"I just have the standard thief getup." she said. "You know, Lurk, Steal, Pick Lock, Bluff, Precision Strike, Rapid Dodge, Shadow Puppet, Shadow Clone, God Blessing and God Curse!'

"Wait, what were those last two?" Kazuma raised an eyebrow.

Chris cleared her throat.

"Shadow Puppet and Shadow Clone let me make simple illusions!" she explained. "I'm an Arcane-type thief, you see?"

"I see."

Even though Chris has yet to prove herself useful in any way, I still think she could be useful in the right situation. The other three… I think I need a new word for 'hopeless'

"What's with that hopeless expression?" Chris asked innocently.

"What? I'm not hopeless," said Kazuma. He sighed. "Okay, I will admit, that almost everyone here has at least one redeeming quality."

"That's all I need," Megumin grinned triumphantly, as if she had just been praised.

"However…" he turned to Aqua. The other three noticed a sudden drop in his expression, and backed away. "I hate to break it to you Aqua, but so far you're easily the least useful out of all of us,"

"Eh?!"

"Sure, I'm weak, but I can deal a bit of damage with my sword and all my skills are useful utility ones. Megumin can obliterate almost anything, and Darkness can survive almost anything. And I'm sure Chris can do some pretty cool stuff too. However…" he turned to the goddess. "YOU have almost no redeeming values at all! You can't fight, you can't protect, you can't even heal right most of the time, and you don't have any special powers that are actually useful! I was supposed to get some kind of superpower when I came here, but, and I say this with the full knowledge of the consequences of my actions, YOU haven't come anywhere near the value of what I would've gotten! We're in this position, and you still think we can defeat the Devil King like some idiot! The only real thing you do that can be barely considered useful is your healing magic! And even still you can't even use it at the right time OR tell us when you're out of mana! And might I remind you of the MOUNTAIN of debt that you have accrued through your inane drinking!" Kazuma ran out of breath, so he inhaled sharply and continued. "Honestly? I think I have a better chance becoming a merchant or something, because being an adventurer FREAKING SUCKS! And all because the only thing I got a USELESS. FREAKING. ARCHPRIEST!"

A look of concern came across Megumin's face, as she thought to herself, How long has he kept that bottled up? That's definitely not healthy.

Aqua, on the other hand, was completely past all restraint. She was bawling out into Kazuma's table.

"KAZUMA! DON'T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT, OR I'LL NEVER GET BACK HOME! THIS IS NOT MY FAULT YOU KNOW! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT DRAGGED ME HERE WITH YOU! YOU COULD'VE LITERALLY PICKED ANYTHING ELSE!"

Chris watched the scene with apprehension.

"I don't even know what they're talking about anymore, but I feel like Kazuma might have some issues."

Eventually, the scene between Kazuma and Aqua ended with the former sitting up with his arms crossed, and the latter slumped onto the table.

"EMERGENCY QUEST, EMERGENCY QUEST. ALL ADVENTURERS TO THE TOWN GATE!" Luna screamed into the loudspeakers.

"Huh? Again?" said Kazuma.

Aqua gasped and grabbed him by the hand.

"Let's go! Now is the time to score a quick buck!" she said.

"Hey, weren't we just arguing or something?"

Outside.

Before long, the entirety of the adventurers had showed up at the town gate. Kazuma realized that this was far worse than the cabbages. It was a monster he'd only read about in books previously.

A dullahan, an undead knight whose detached head was carried by a gloved hand, staring at the crowd with a haunting visage.

Oh shoot

"I am Beldia!" he announced. "The Devil King's second general! And I am here, because one of you MANIACS has been hurling non-stop Explosions onto my castle, and I demand to know who it is!"

What the heck is he talking about? Wait, Explosion magic?

"Honestly, this aggression is completely unprecedented! Sure, I may destroyed at least six minor adventurers before breakfast, sure, I've probably ruined at least one person's day for each Kanji in the Chinese alphabet, specifically the Japanese versions, and sure, people try to kill me at least eight times a week using various underhanded tactics, but this is too far! Present the perpetrator immediately, or I will decimate you!"

The entire crowd gasped collectively.

"The historical definition of decimate!"

The crowd went "oh," before gasping once more.

"So, speak up! Who is it?"

Oh shoot. Kazuma felt his neck grow sweaty. Oh shoot, oh shoot, oh shoooooooooooot. We are totally screwed beyond belief.

Immediately, everyone started scrambling to find the alleged perpetrator, except for Kazuma and Megumin who were giving each other awkward glances.

"Hey, who here uses Explosion magic?"

"Don't look at me, I can't use magic of any kind?"

"I can only cast basic spells!"

"I'm an ice wizard, not a fire-user!"

Megumin looked around at the chaos of the crowd. The dullahan stood impatiently, his glowing red eyes narrowed.

"Megumin?" said Kazuma. She better not be thinking of something insane. "You don't have to…"

She ignored him, took a deep breath, and stepped forwards.

Oh for goodness sake!

"My name is Megumin,"

Beldia glared at her

"And I suppose YOU are the blasted scoundrel that keeps blowing up my castle? I mean, I'm all for a good fight, but at least come to my door and knock! Heck, use the key under the mat! And if that one's gone, then there should be another one in a nearby chest!"

"My name is Megumin, archwizard, and master of Explosion!"

"A Crimson Demon, huh? That would explain the name!"

Megumin's eyes lit up. "I am of the Crimson Demon Clan and the greatest magic-user in Axel Town. And you have just fallen for my trap, by coming here unaccompanied!"

"Trap? What are you talking about? This is a beginner's town!"

"Beginner's town? You make me laugh! Would a beginner be able to cast Explosion magic?"

Is she insane? What am I thinking, of course she's insane! Wait, if she's planning on baiting him, we just might have a shot! He's vastly outnumbered, and she still has her Explosion

Beldia tapped what would be his chin.

"I suppose you have a point. I'll be making my exit for now. No more Explosions, got it?"

"No," said Megumin

"WHAT?"

"We Crimson Demon's must let off Explosion once per day, or we will perish."

"Liar!" said Beldia. "I've met many Crimson Demon's in my past life, and not once have I ever heard that! So you don't intend to stop, is that it? Well, then there's only one solution!"

"Indeed," said Aqua. She pulled out her staff and started charging in like a soldier. "It looks like it's time to obliterate this filthy undead!" she said.

"I'm right, behind you, Aqua!" said Chris, joining Aqua on her charge. "LET'S TURN THIS GUY INTO DULLAHAN DUMPLINGS!"

"This is the worst possible fight to be picking!" said Kazuma.

"Because of you, we can't get any easier quests!" said Megumin. "So you will pay to the undead-busting duo, Aqua and Chris!"

"Seriously? You're just going to hand it off to…"

"Alright!" said Chris. "Aqua, lead the way!"

"Right!" said Aqua. "Just you wait until I cast Turn Undead on you…"

"I've had enough of this!" said Beldia. He pointed a finger at Megumin.

"Huh? What are you…?"

Beldia's finger glowed with a dark shadowy aura.

"I sentence thee to death, in one week!"

Without a moment's hesitation, he fired the spell at Megumin. Darkness grabbed the wizard and threw her behind herself, before her body lit up with the dark energy.

"Darkness!" cried Megumin.

"Gah!" Kazuma ran over. "Darn you, Beldia!"

What have I been doing? I should've done something! Gah, I never do anything! And now we've been hit by a death sentence!

Darkness got up, looking more or less okay. But the grim knowledge soon dawned upon the group.

"Well, that was an unexpected factor," said Beldia. "But, I suppose this might be even more effective. Alright, everyone listen! This crusader will die in a week's time, and you can all watch her frantically scurry about in lew of her demise! Know that it was your fault for whatever misfortune befalls her!"

"I don't think she'll be doing that," said Kazuma, watching as Darkness was already blushing.

"You… you would put this curse upon me, and make me perform lewd actions to break it!" she stammered.

"Wait… what?" said Beldia. Kazuma smirked.

"It's your problem now," he said.

"Look at him!" Darkness practically screamed at Kazuma. "Those are the eyes of some kind of pervert who wants to exploit a young woman's body and voice and perform some kind of horrific fetishistic torture!"

"Hey, wait…"

"He intends to make me his personal slave for who-knows-how long, and keep my body all to himself!"

"STOP IT! THE OTHER DEVIL KING GENERALS WILL GET THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT ME!"

Darkness was already marching over, a wide grin on her face.

"I shall endure what I can! Goodbye, my friends!" she started walking over to Beldia, who immediately backed up.

"Uh… anyway, if you want the curse removed, come to my castle and fight me like a proper hero! I'll be at the top floor in my specially designed boss chamber! Goodbye!"

And with that, he vanished, leaving Darkness on her own.

Everyone sat in silence for a few moments.

Megumin, face pale as ever, started to slowly make her way to the gate.

"Hey, where are you going?" Kazuma grabbed her by the mantle. Megumin didn't look at him.

"This is all my fault," she said. "I am going to his castle so I can fix all of this. My Explosion got us into this mess, so It'll get us out of it,"

What? Why is she blaming herself for this? There's no way she would have known he was in that castle. If anything, I should've been more careful.

"Now, hold on a second!" said Kazuma, letting go of her mantle and grabbing her hand instead. That made her turn around. "Of course, I'll come with you! You'll fall flat after your Explosion, so you're gonna need someone to carry you away. And besides, I can fight pretty well."

"Kazuma…" Megumin was at a loss for words. "I…"

"And hey, even if we are hopeless in every sense of the word, we can at least be hopeless together! Right team?"

"Of course!" said Darkness. "I'll protect both of you to the best of my ability! And worse comes to worse, I can get enslaved by the dullahan anyway!"

"Aqua, Chris, you guys ready?" Kazuma motioned towards them, only to find Aqua casting a spell

"Sacred Break Spell!"

Suddenly, Darkness' body lit up like a Christmas tree, and the shadowy bit popped out and disappeared.

"Huh?" said Kazuma.

"Oh, such a pathetic curse is nothing to an archpriest like me!" Aqua smiled. "Plus, with Chris' powers, it was even easier!"

"I guess," Megumin looked somewhat embarrassed. "But I was going to say 'Let's go team Konosuba!'"

"Wait, how was Chris helping?" said Kazuma. "Because I don't really know how thieves and divine magic work together.

Chris simply put her finger to her lips. "That's a secret."

"I guess that makes sense," said Kazuma.

"No it doesn't," said Megumin.

Darkness examined herself.

"Well… so much for that. And I was getting all excited…"

The very next day, life continued as normal.

"KAAAZUMAAAA!"

Yep. Normal.

Kazuma was currently taking a nice long drink, in order to get over the stress of the previous day. Mind you, he wasn't drinking alcohol, but a popular beverage in this world called Neroid Fizziz. Just then, Chris came around and sat down across with him.

"Hey, Kazuma," she said. "So, how are we doing in terms of money?"

"Not bad, really," he replied. "We've still got plenty of cash leftover from the cabbages, so I don't think we really need to go on a quest right now,"

"Eh?" Chris cocked her head. "I didn't know there had to be a reason."

"I didn't know either," said Kazuma. "But overall, the general experience of questing is worth avoiding if you can. I thought it would be fun, but it's horrifically exhausting, scary, dangerous, and oftentimes disgusting. I'm looking forward to a nice calm weekend without any of that stuff."

"Huh, okay." said Chris. "But you know, it has its glory points." she glanced out the window. "Those rare moments where everyone goes right, and you can tell a grand tale when you return. Not to mention the feeling of being empowered, like nothing in the entire world can stop you from getting what you want."

"Are you trying to gaslight me?" said Kazuma.

"No, you're way too smart for that,"

"Well, you've got a point there." Kazuma chuckled. "I'm probably the smartest one here."

"Too bad things like bravery and resilience seem to be out of your field of comprehension though," She shot him a sidelong glance.

"Hey!"

Shoot, she's right! That's the main reason I became a NEET! And here I am in this fantasy world trying to cling to the same life? I mean… the very least I can do is just go on a quest to get some levels and maybe some bragging rights. Yeah, just one quest. Then I'll go back to comfortable stationary life.

"Hey Kazuma!" Almost as if on queue, Aqua planted a quest paper on the table. "Check out what I found! It's a quest to clean a nearby lake infested with Brutal Alligators. I can just use my passive purification powers to clean it while you guys protect me! And we don't even have to kill anything! It's perfect…"

He put his hand on her shoulder and stared at her dead in the eye.

"Eh?"

"Aqua, let's do one better! If this quest is so easy, then let's double down and kill the alligators as well! With that much Eris, we could afford to sleep in an inn!" he said, passionately grasping her other shoulder.

"Uh…" Aqua was at a loss for words as her face began to heat up.

"Great!" Kazuma took his hands off her. "I'll go tell the others,"

As Kazuma walked over to Megumin and Darkness, Aqua whispered in Chris' ear.

"Am I crazy, or did Kazuma suddenly look extremely attractive for a few seconds?" she said.

"I think you're just so stupid anything slightly encouraging sounds like a marriage proposal."

"Hey!" Aqua pouted. "I'll have you know I'm the six time winner of the Goddess of Beauty pageant! Until of course that floozy named Freya showed up…"

"Wasn't Eris the ten time winner?"

"How would you know that?" said Aqua. "Everyone knows that you can't win a pageant with a padded bra! It defeats the purpose!"

"For the last time…"

A little while later…

"Alright, let's review the plan." said Kazuma. "Step 1: Put Aqua inside the cage."

"Check," said Megumin

"Step 2: Put Darkness inside the cage in case the cage fails."

"Check!" Darkness said, already clutching Aqua like a prized stuffed animal. "Thank you very much for this opportunity!"

"This is humiliating…" said Aqua.

"Step 3: Put the cage in the lake," Kazuma continued.

"Check." said Chris, eyeing the chain connected to the cage.

"Step 4: Wait for the alligators to show up and have Megumin charge her Explosion while that happens."

"Standing by on that one." said Megumin, holding her glowing staff out.

"Step 5: When the alligators show up, I pull one away from the group."

"Got it."

"Step 6: Chris and I will defeat it,"

"My dagger is sharpened and ready!"

"Step 7: Repeat steps 5 and 6 until we run out of energy. Step 7: Pull the alligators' attention away from Aqua, and into a spot where Megumin can finish them off with Explosion."

"Sounds solid." said Chris. "This is a surprisingly effective-sounding strategy," she glanced at Kazuma. "I'm honestly impressed, where did you learn this stuff?"

"I have played over a thousand hours of various games. This is trivial compared to that." Kazuma smirked and relished in the praise. "Although, we probably shouldn't say that to avoid setting off death flags… aw, what the heck? As long as nobody pulls a Leeroy Jenkins on us, we should be fine."

"What's a Leeroy Jenkins?" said Megumin.

"Oh, do I have a story for you!" Kazuma ran back through his memories. "In my country, there's a tale about a paladin…"

A little while later...

"Kazuma!" Aqua cried out. "Something's coming!"

"A whole bunch of somethings!" Darkness delightfully eyed the large monstrous shapes appearing around them.

"Here they come!" said Kazuma. "Let's move out, Chris!"

"Right!"

Kazuma Lurked over to an alligator in the corner of the pack.

"Create Earth!"

He tossed a pile of soil at the reptile. Immediately, the massive creature turned around to face him, leaving the rest of his companions.

"Alright, he's aggroed!" Kazuma said. Once the alligator was far enough from the others, Chris dove in with her dagger.

She jumped on top of the alligator and gave it a good whack on the snout. The creature roared in response, and Kazuma prepared another spell.

"Create Water! Freeze!"

Immediately, it's large mouths was doused in water which froze into ice almost instantly. They heard it let out a whimper as it stopped trying to shake off Chris and weakly fell to the ground.

"Decisive Blow!" Chris planted her dagger firmly into the back, causing blood to spurt out. Kazuma ran over and started stabbing random spots. The coldness of the ice flowing through its cold blood, the alligator did little to resist. Eventually, it lay dead on the ground.

"Phew!" said Kazuma. "I can't believe that actually worked!"

"I know," said Chris. "Anyway, let's load this thing into the wagon…"

"KAZUMA!" screamed Aqua. "The cage just made a crunch sound! Cages aren't supposed to go crunch!"

"Do not worry, Aqua!" said Darkness, firmly grasping her. "I will protect you with my dying breath!"

"Purification! Purification! Purification!" Aqua yelled as she continued purifying the lake. Darkness, however, was looking like she was having the time of her life.

"Only a bunch of thin iron bars stand between us and certain doom!" she exclaimed. "I could not have asked for a better situation!"

"Please don't let them get me!" Aqua was almost crying on Darkness' shoulder. "Purification! Ack! Purification! Watch out for that one!"

"I think they're doing just fine," Chris smirked.

"Hey, guys! Just holler if you need us to pull you in!" said Kazuma.

"Are you crazy?" said Aqua "We'll have wasted so much time! Purification! AAAAAAAGH!"

"Well, if you say so," Kazuma pulled the next alligator. "Here we go, Chris!"

Several hours later…

"Alright, another one down!" said Chris. "How are you doing, Kazuma?"

"I'm all out of mana and I drank my last potion!" he said. "Megumin, ready the Explosion!"

"Standing by and prepared to unleash doomsday!" Megumin's eyes flared.

"Roger that!" Chris and Kazuma pulled the rest of the alligators away from the cage. It took a few tries, but the eventually managed to successfully get the aggro off of Aqua.

"Now!" yelled Kazuma.

"The final nail in the coffin of justice! Explosion!"

A shockwave of air blasted Kazuma and Chris away from the lake, incinerating the alligators while steaming water was blasted fifteen meters in the air.

When the Explosion finished, Megumin let out a sigh.

"Swarms of enemies being obliterated in my spell while fire rains down from above and a shockwave runs against my skin… This is what makes I, Megumin, feel alive…" she said before she fainted.

"Phew!" Kazuma wiped the sweat from his brow. "That was a close one. Good job, Megumin! Your psychotic Explosion obsession was actually useful for once!"

"Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that," she muttered as Kazuma hoisted her onto his back.

"Ah, what the heck. I'm in a good mood too. Sorry." he smiled and let out a content sigh. For once, everything was going perfectly.

"All is forgiven," she said. Kazuma noticed a red glow on his shoulder. "I'm so glad I joined this party…" Megumin nestled her head into his neck.

Uh… what just happened? Did Megumin just try to make a move on me? Aw crap, am I blushing? Shoot, what do I do?

Kazuma caught a whiff of Megumin's scent. He didn't know what perfume she wore, but it was good. Like, really good.

Actually, maybe I should just let it be.

Chris glanced over at this scene and smirked.

"Well, would you look at that?"

"Knock it off!"

A while later.

Chris looked into the crystal clear water.

"Looks clean," she said. "Alright, you guys can come out now."

Aqua was clinging to Darkness like some poor desperate creature looking for some semblance of comfort.

"Uh… you okay?" said Kazuma

"No…," she said. "The outside world is too scary. Just let me stay in here with my protector."

"I don't mind staying here at all." Darkness smiled at Aqua. "I'm enjoying this position quite a lot!"

The other three of them exchanged looks.

Later…

After numerous failed attempts to get Aqua out of the cage, they eventually decided to simply leave her in. Using the horse they borrowed, they pulled the cage back to town.

"They're all watching us…" said Darkness. "Like two caged animals being carted away to be sold!"

"Cut it out!" said Kazuma. "This is bad enough already without you two weirdos…"

"The inside of this cage is my sanctuary." said Aqua "The outside world is too scary…"

"She's lost it." Megumin sighed.

She's just like me… Kazuma though.

"My lady, goddess!" someone yelled. A young man dressed in generic fantasy armor ran over and started pulling at the steel bars.

"What the…" said Megumin.

With his bare hands, he pulled apart the magically-enhanced iron and started scrambling inside, when Darkness moved to block his way.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" she said. As they silently exchanged glares, Kazuma whispered in Aqua's ear.

"Hey, know who this guy is? He's calling you a goddess,"

"Goddess?" Aqua tilted her head innocently.

"WHO TOLD YOU?" Chris said out of nowhere. Everyone ignored her.

Aqua simply started with a blank expression.

"...oh that's right! I am a goddess!" Her usual smile returned almost immediately. She hopped out of the cage and turned to face the newcomer. "Hi, there! Who are you?"

"What?" said Kazuma. "You don't know him?"

"It's me!" said the man. "Mitsurugi Kyouya! You sent me to this world to defeat the devil king, and gave me Gram, the magic sword!" He pulled out a large sword from his back.

"Uh…" Aqua looked like she was deep in thought. "Oh right, that guy! Sorry, it's super easy to forget the hundreds of people I've been reincarnating for at least a hundred years!"

"...speaking of which…" Mitsurugi said, during his conversation with Aqua. "Why exactly were you in a cage?"

"Now that's a long story," said Megumin. Darkness nodded.

One recount of the entire story, minus the part with Beldia, later…

"WHAAAAAT?" said Kyouya. "You dragged a goddess with you to this world and left her in a cage in a lake full of alligators? Not only with that, but you also put another woman in with her, whilst carrying a little girl on your back for some reason?"

"You just rephrased that to make him sound like the bad guy," Chris pointed out.

"What were you thinking?" he grabbed Kazuma by the collar. Megumin accidentally fell off and thumped on the ground.

"Ow," she said.

"Hey, hold on there!" said Aqua. "I've actually been having quite a bit of fun here! For starters, it's been thousands of years since I've been able to drink with mortals! Plus I sleep in a comfy stable with all of my new friends…"

"A STABLE?"

Darkness plucked Kazuma out of Kyouya's extreme grip.

"That's enough. Kazuma might be scrawny, but underestimating him has been the downfall of numerous cabbages,"

"Cabbages?"

Megumin's eyes were already glowing in anger.

"Kazuma, tomorrow I will cast Explosion on him..."

"Please don't!" he said

"Alright, everybody, calm down!" said Chris. "I'm sure we can just talk this out..."

Kyouya glanced about, as if suddenly realizing the three other people.

"A crusader, archwizard, and thief? And pretty fetching ones at that. You should be ashamed of yourself for making powerful adventurers sleep in a stable, especially when your own class is the lowest of them all!"

"Strange," said Chris, smirking. "You seem to be the one enticing him to stoop to your level,"

"Hey, you're just rephrasing the situation to make me look like the bad guy!"

"No, it's because you are the bad guy," Chris stepped between Kazuma and Kyouya. "If my understanding is correct, that holy sword of your lets you take on high-level quests, right?"

"Well… yes…"

"Kazuma, on the other hand, has no such abilities! Aqua's healing is strong, but she's too incompetent to use it! As such, he can only take on extremely low-level quests, and that is why we sleep in a stable! In fact, we only just finished one of the harder ones! You have no right to look down on people, just because they happen to not have special items or abilities like you, and as a result, use different tactics to complete quests! In fact, I bet Kazuma's two times the hero you'll ever be because I believe his friendship with us…"

"Stop," said Kazuma.

"Huh?" said Chris. "But I'm defending you…"

"And I'm honored. But the last thing I want to hear today is a friendship speech. That's all."

"Uh…" Chris seemed lost for words. Kyouya cleared his throat.

"I see," he said. "My apologies. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions,"

"All is forgiven," Kazuma shrugged. "I guess we'll be on our way now…"

"However…"

"Aw, come on!"

"I must ask if you'd like to conjoin our parties, given how rough you seem to have it." Kyouya indicated to the two girls behind him. "This is Clemea, she's a ninja, and Fio, who's calling is that of a fistfighter. And with you guys, we'll have a perfectly balanced party. And I'll buy you all the best gear. What do you say?"

Hmm… that offer is tempting. Although I'm still a little distasteful of his act. Plus he'll probably hold it over me for the rest of my life… but what do the others think?

"Geez, this guy is freaky," Aqua muttered to her companions. "Don't you think it's weird how he automatically thought we'd come with him? Those magical gifts are supposed to teach things like honor and respect, not steamrolling through all your problems with relative ease,"

"For once, I've met someone who I'd like to punish," said Darkness.

"Can I blow him up?" said Megumin, who was lying on the ground after Kazuma dropped her.. "I want to blow him to bits,"

"Don't phrase it like that," said Chris. "But yeah, he's an idiot,"

Kazuma cleared his throat.

"Well, it seems that the people have spoken. Goodbye,"

And with that, they began pulling the now-empty cage off to the guild.

"Hold on a second!' said Kyouya.

Again?

"I'm sorry, but I cannot allow lady Aqua to remain in these conditions! Your own party member admitted that you can't defeat the Devil King,"

"Not like I'm ashamed of that," said Kazuma.

"Lady Aqua must come with me. And since you have brought her here like cattle, then wager her like so. For I challenge you to a duel!"

Kazuma's eyes widened.

"I accept,"

"WHAT?" said Aqua.

Megumin spoke from on the dirt ground.

"You go, Kazuma!" she said. "Show that guy who's boss!"

She's weirdly encouraging today.

"Alright, the terms are simple!" said Kyouya, putting his hand on his sword. "First one who yields or is unable to continue loses! If I win, I get Lady Aqua. If you win, I'll listen to any one request you have,"

"Got it," Kazuma pulled out his sword. "3 2 1, go!"

"Hey, wait!" Kyouya panicked as Kazuma lunged at him. He pulled out his own sword and quickly blocked, but not fast enough for Kazuma to throw out his other hand.

"Steal!"

Before Kyouya could pull back for a swing a wave of magic washed over him and his companions.

When the light faded, the magic sword had disappeared and reappeared in Kazuma's hands. With a swift swing, Kyouya took a blow from his own weapon to the head, before he was knocked onto the ground, unconscious.

"That'll teach you," said Kazuma, examining the sword. "Wait, I got something extra…"

He opened his hand fully and saw two pairs of matching polka-dotted panties.

"Woah, I can steal multiple items now? Awesome!" said Kazuma. Chris rolled her eyes.

"You can increase the power of your skills by using them repeatedly."

"Is that so? Cool!"

Fio and Clemea blushed and started screaming.

"You pervert!"

"Coward!"

"Dirty trickster!"

"Scoundrel!"

"Cheater!"

Kazuma simply shrugged.

"You don't think I haven't been called names before?" he said. "We're not on the playground anymore…"

"Even still!" Fio drew her dagger, while Clemea took a fighting stance. "We won't accept the way you won! Now give us back our panties!"

"Gram won't even work for you!" said Clemea. "It only works for Kyouya!"

"It's true," Aqua noted. "Magic weapons can only use their magic powers for their masters,"

"Seriously?" Kazuma frowned. "Well… given that he did say he'd give me anything I asked, I'll just take this sword. Serves him right for being so short-sighted."

He glanced back at the two girls.

"Your panties, on the other hand, are still yours. However, there's nothing really stopping me from taking them for myself and hanging them up on the wall,"

"Eh?" said Fio.

"You should know that I treat people of all genders the same; I have no issues with taking a female's undergarments if I don't like them,"

"You're a meanie!" said Clemea. Fio gave her a weird look.

"Seriously? Is that the best you can think of?" she said.

"What?"

"Look, I'll give you your underwear back, if you scurry along and get back to your respective lives. If that seems unreasonable to you…" Kazuma smirked. "I could just keep using Steal over and over again. You guys don't seem to be wearing much to begin with, so it probably won't take that long…"

"Ah!" they shrieked in stereo. "Fine!"

"Good!" Kazuma smiled and handed their panties back.

The two of them ran off faster than squirrels. Already, he could feel his party staring into his back.

A long while later…

"Well, all's well that ends well," Kazuma casually sipped his drink. His new friend Dust's eyes widened.

"Seriously?" he said. "You stole a super-powerful sword?"

"Yeah, that's the gist. That guy had a it coming,"

"That's awesome!" said Taylor, a member of Dust's party. "You really put him in his place!"

"Gifted adventurers like him are always lording over weaker ones like us!" said Rin, Dust's wizard. Keth, the archer, nodded in agreement.

"Well, no need to thank me," Kazuma chuckled

Meanwhile, Megumin leaned over towards Aqua.

"Hey, uh, Aqua? Did that Kyouya guy say something about you being a goddess or something?"

"Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag," she said. "Yes, it is I, Aqua. The goddess of water and the afterlife! I have been summoned from the heavens in order to help you defeat the devil king!"

Chris smirked.

"I suppose if we're really sharing these kinds of secrets, then it is I, Eris, the goddess of fortune and the Eris sect. I have come down from the heavens in the guise of a human thief to hang around and see the state of humanity…"

Megumin burst out laughing, followed by Darkness.

"Oh my gosh… that is the funniest thing I have ever heard!" she squealed.

"I know, right?" said Chris, joining in on their laughter. "This wasn't planned, I just heard what Aqua said and improvised!"

"WHAT?" said Aqua.

"I know…" said Darkness. Kazuma nodded.

"That's easily the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard,"

"Eh?"

Megumin started to thrash about with laughter. "I mean, what are you gonna tell us next? That Darkness is disguised royalty, Kazuma is from another world, and I'm some kind of secret war experiment designed by a guy who came from the same world as Kazuma?"

Megumin continued laughing, but everyone else had stopped.

"What?" she said.

"Nothing!" said Kazuma and Darkness.

Kazuma sighed.

"Well, that was still a satisfying adventure! And now, we're richer than our wildest dreams!"

Chris shuffled a little closer.

"And all we had to do was apply ourselves!"

"I think we did a bit more than that." Kazuma chuckled.

"SATOU KAZUMA!"

"Eh?"

The next thing he knew, Kyouya ran up to his table.

"Kazuma! I have been looking for you!"

"Oh, you're approaching me?" Kazuma smirked as a dark aura came about his eyes.

"I know this is the opposite of honorable but…" he bowed his head to the ground. "Please return my magic sword! It won't work any better than any other sword for you! In fact, I'll buy you any sword you want if you return it!"

Megumin tapped him on the shoulder, her eyes glowing a haunting shade of scarlet.

"Excuse me, Mr. Mitsurugi, but it would appear that Kazuma does not have your sword."

"Eh?" said Kyouya. He glanced about. "Kazuma… what did you do with my sword?"

"I did what any sensible RPG player would do. I sold it."

"DANG IT!" Kyouya dashed off faster than a yellow-bellied chicken.

"Heh," Kazuma grinned as Megumin pulled Gram out of her wizard outfit.

"It's ours now, Kazuma!" she grinned. "What should we do with it?"

"Hmm…" Kazuma took the sword and turned to Darkness. "Why don't you take it, Darkness?"

"Eh? Really?" Darkness looked incredulously.

"Sure, why not?" said Kazuma. "It's not like you're gonna use it for anything useful."

"Hey, I like some genuine praise from time to time!"

"Come on, you totally enjoyed that."

"I-I did not…" she began to blush. "But still, thank you…" she took the sword from his hands and looked it up and down.

"Say, why don't you give it a new name?" said Aqua. "So it can truly be your sword!"

"A new name…?" Darkness thought for a long time.

"EMERGENCY QUEST, EMERGENCY QUEST!"

"Again?" Kazuma jumped up from his seat. "What could that be about?"

"ALL ADVENTURERS HEAD TO THE TOWN GATE! ESPECIALLY THE PARTY OF SATOU KAZUMA!"

"Wait, what?" said Kazuma.

At the town gate.

The sky darkened once more, as a bolt of lightning struck the ground in front of Axel. When the light cleared, a familiar monster stood in its place.

"You…" said Beldia. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW UP?"

"Oh yeah, this guy," Aqua muttered.

"And to add further insult to injury, YOU STILL WON'T STOP WITH THE EXPLOSIONS!"

"Eh?" said Kazuma. He yelled back "We haven't done anything like that! We stopped, just like you asked! Unless…"

Kazuma glanced at Megumin.

"YOU KEPT BLOWING UP HIS CASTLE?!"

"Gah! Please stop pulling my eyepatch! I assure you I can explain!" Megumin somehow managed to wrestle Kazuma off her. "It's just… I was usually able to get off just fine with flat fields and lakes, but after discovering the joy of letting my Explosion onto a castle, now I need something big and hard or I just can't release it right…"

"Don't phrase it like that while fidgeting!"

As Kazuma fought with his party, Beldia slapped himself in the face. Well, given the position of his face, it looked more like he was striking a gong.

"Enough! And I can't believe you had the audacity to just let your friend die like that! I mean, seriously! Even us Devil King Generals show kindness and respect to our friends! Why, just last month I helped a very dear friend of mine move into her new shop! By the why, how is that doing?"

"Uh, I believe there's a misunderstanding here." The crowd parted to let Darkness greet the newcomer. "But on a side note, since when did the Devil King's generals have friends?"

"WHAT?" said Beldia. "YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?"

"Oh, isn't that adorable!" Aqua laughed.

Chris pouted as she proceeded to mock him.

"Aw, is the big scary-wary dullahan all saddie-waddie because we easily-weasily got wid of his widdle cursey-wursey?" she said, wearing a smile more toxic than the average American FPS.

"YOU'LL REGRET SAYING THAT!" said Beldia. 'I, Beldia, will now…"

"Turn Undead!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Beldia screamed as holy light enveloped him. He fell off his horse and started rolling about. "OW OW OW OW OW OW!"

"Huh, that should've obliterated him," Aqua scratched her head.

"I don't know, that looked pretty effective to me," said Kazuma.

Beldia coughed and dusted himself off.

Meanwhile, Kazuma noticed Wiz running into the crowd,

"Sorry I'm late… Beldia?" she said.

Beldia cackled, not noticing the lich.

"Do you really think such a simple spell would be able to defeat me? Now, let me show some real magic!"

"Sacred Turn Undead!" said Aqua and Chris, as a large magic circle appeared around Beldia.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" was what was heard. Beldia rolled about for a while, before returning to his feet once again.

"Oh my gosh, it didn't work again!" said Chris.

"How exactly are you, a thief, casting an Archpriest spell?" said Kazuma

"Uh… it's a secret!"

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said Beldia.

The sky darkened once more as a layer of smoke floated in around Beldia. Two crimson colored eyes lit up inside his helmet.

"This feels familiar…" said Kazuma.

"Rise up! Undead Soldiers!"

Hundreds of scary-looking zombie knights dug their way out of the ground. Beldia cackled as he constructed a small army in the time of a few seconds.

Kazuma, however, was not impressed.

"Hey, Aqua's spell spooked him so much he's relying on his minions!"

"What?" said Beldia. "No! In battle, you fight the minions before the boss! That's how it's worked since the beginning of time itself…"

"Yeah right!" said Aqua

"Enough of this! Undead Knights! Attack!"

Without a moment of attack, Beldia's improvised army rushed at the residents of Axel, who let out a collective gasp.

"Someone get the priests!"

"Eris, save me!"

"Bring all the holy water you can carry!"

Meanwhile, the others braced their ranks and prepared for the impact. But surprisingly it never came.

"Gah! Why are you chasing us!" screamed Aqua.

She and Chris had darted off in opposite directions, and the undead army had split down the middle to chase both of them.

"Huh," said Kazuma. "Maybe they're trying to get salvation from a goddess? Not sure why they're chasing Chris though…"

"Hey!" said Beldia! "Some of you come back and kill the rest of them! I would highly advise you to focus on Megumin!"

"Wait, you remembered my name?" said Megumin.

"It's the most normal-sounding name out of all you," Beldia. "Hey! Get back here you crazy zombie-knight-thingies!"

"Stop chasing us!" said Chris. "This is tactically weak and very scary!"

"Megumin, can you blow them all up?" Kazuma turned to the archwizard.

"I could, but they need to be in one large group!"

"WHY IS NOBODY HELPING ME?" said Aqua. "KAZUMA!"

She started dashing towards Kazuma and the crowd. Immediately, the adventurers dispersed, whilst Kazuma started to run away from Aqua

"AAAGH!" he said. "Why are you chasing me?"

"I don't know what to do!" said Aqua. "I can't hold still long enough to cast Turn Undead on them!"

"Darn priest spells!"

"I could really use one of your Kazuma ideas right now!" said Aqua.

"Kazuma ideas?" said Kazuma. "That's seriously what we're saying now?"

"Kazuma!"

"Alright alright already!" Kazuma glanced around. "Megumin! Ready an Explosion and keep it pointed behind me! Darkness, lead Chris over to us!"

"Right!" they said, before carrying out their respective tasks. Megumin began charging, while Darkness ran around to corral up Aqua and Chris"

"Oh, can you imagine what they'll do if they catch us?" Darkness started blushing.

"Now's not the time to be weird!" said Chris

Eventually, they had corralled the undead into a large blob, chasing Chris and Aqua.

"It is time!" said Megumin. "Such a perfect opportunity only comes once every thousand years!" She pulled out her staff and twirled it. "The stars align for Schwarzsech Prototype Mark II!"

"That staff's name is extremely cool!" Beldia called out.

"Really?" Megumin's eyes lit up in excitement. "You think so?"

"Focus!" said Kazuma.

"Right!" Megumin finished her chant. "Reality be rent, synapses break, banishment from this world! EXPLOSION!"

Fire from above rained down upon the undead soldiers. Before long, they were re-dead soldiers.

"That was amazing…" said Megumin. She flopped onto the ground.

Beldia shrugged.

"Huh, that was a lot faster than I thought. Oh well, now for the real fun!" he drew his sword. "Come at me, for all of your attempts will be utterly futiles! They're useless, useless, useless!"

"Okay, that's starting to sound familiar…" said Kazuma.

Already, some adventurers had started to draw their own weapons and create plans.

"Alright guys, here's the plan!" said Dust, talking with his party while others simply charged in and started swinging weapons at Beldia. "I'll go in first and grab his attention, so Rin can blast down any of those minions with AOE. I'll use Intimidating Shout to make him panic so he doesn't go all-out on me. Once that's done, Taylor will go in next and use his shout, and keep him on his toes so he doesn't catch on that we're playing him for a fool. Next, Keith will use his Switch-Shot to hit strategic points on his armor. When Taylor's done with his shout, I'll run back in and do the same thing. Rin, that's your signal to cast Arcane Intellect to get his aggro off Taylor. Can you get me some numbers, Keith?"

Keith wrote something on a piece of paper.

"Yeah, I'd say we're looking at a 32.33 repeating of course, percent chance of survival."

"Well, that's a lot better than we usually do, so I think we're good! Anything else we're forgetting?"

However, Kazuma also noticed their resident Crusader running in first.

"In the words of the famous hero from Kazuma's country, LEEROY JENKINS!" she screamed.

"Oh my gosh, she just ran in there!" said Dust. "Let's go guys, stick to the plan!"

"Gosh dammit Darkness!" Kazuma exclaimed. "I knew I shouldn't have told them that story!"
"Stick to the plan, guys, stick to the plan!" Dust shouted, whilst fruitlessly attempting to pull Beldia off of Darkness. Apparently, her aggro-pulling song was a lot stronger than his.

"Ah, a Crusader!" Beldia cackled. "I've been looking forward to a good sword-fight!"

Darkness pulled back for a starting blow, while Beldia prepared to parry…

And she missed by a massive margin. Two nearby rocks were destroyed, however.

"What?" he said. "You're terrible at this!"

"Darkness, you moron!" Kazuma screamed.

Meanwhile, Dust and his party were attempting to execute their plan, which was more or less foiled by Darkness' attempt.

"Come, is that all you got?" she said, taking blow after blow from Beldia's sword. "I knew it! You're even more of a degenerate than I presumed!"

"Yes, wait, what?" said Beldia, momentarily distracted.

"Instead of pulling off my armor, you intend to strip away with repeated blows in specific spots!"

"What is wrong with you, woman?" he said.

"She's taking the aggro, now Taylor!"

"INTIMIDATING SHOUT!" Taylor shouted.

"Ack!" said Beldia. "Why would you shout if I'm right here?"

"It's a very literal named spell!" said Dust, drawing Beldia's attention away.

"Why can I only focus on one of you at a time?"

"Huh, maybe I should consider getting that spell." Kazuma tapped his chin.

Beldia brought his sword up to deal one last blow. Darkness helplessly raised the Cursed Sword Gram to block.

CLANG

"Eh?" said Beldia. Darkness stared incredulously at her new sword.

"Cursed Sword Gram, I now bestow upon you a far more appropriate name: Indestructible!"

Note: The name Indestructible is English being said by a native Japanese speaker.

"You have fought well!" Beldia said, batting away one of the adventurers. "But now is the time for me to unveil my unique Boss Skill! Aptly named: The World!"

Note: Yep. It's "Za Warudo." Look up Patrick Seitz's roles if you don't get the joke.

"Kazuma, a Boss Skill is…" Aqua started to say, but Kazuma stopped her.

"Just shut up for once. If you set up too much hype, he'll be even stronger!"

"Eh?"

"Also, is that a Persona reference?"

Beldia firmly grasped his head as another wave of adventurers started running at him.

"Behold, The World!" he shouted, tossing his head into the air. Kazuma gasped when it froze above him, staring directly downward. The next moment, Beldia twirled about and slaughtered every last adventurer with a single slash with perfect execution.

His head fell down and landed in his arms.

"Hah! I bet you're all extremely confused! Well, you'll never figure out the secret to…"

"Everyone!" Kazuma interrupted. "That Skill clearly allows him to see all possible angles at once, while accelerating his perception of time allowing him to essentially stop time!"

"What?" said Beldia. "How did you…"

"It's incredibly obvious, from the birds-eye view to the glowing eyes!" said Kazuma. "In fact, you sound a lot like a certain someone who has a similar power!"

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"Wait, that's his ability?" said Dust. "Thanks Kazuma! I was kinda confused!"

"Are you serious? Argh! It doesn't matter! Crusader, you're next!"

"Have at it!" said Darkness. The two charged at one another, exchanging blows, although all of the blows came from Beldia onto Darkness.

"Stop it!" said Kazuma. "You can't win against him!"

"I am a holy knight!" she said, taking another hit. "It is my duty to protect everyone I care about! Besides, I assure that this monster has far worse intentions for this scene!"

"Stop these inane assumptions about me!"

"Create water!" Kazuma shot his spell at the dullahan.

"Gah!" Beldia backflipped away from the water.

"What? You intend to use temperature play?" said Darkness. "What vile things are you two planning?"

'NOTHING!" said both Kazuma and Beldia simultaneously.

"Anyway, now that that's done, Freeze!" Kazuma tossed out some white magic, causing the puddle around Beldia's feet to become ice, freezing his boots in place.

"Gah! I'm stuck!"

"And now it's time for the finishing touch! Steal!"

When the light faded, nothing happened. Beldia chuckled.

"Well, that's cute. A pathetic attempt at strategy. Mind you, it's still fairly impressive you've survived this long. But you still have to die!"

"Not as long I have anything to say about it!" said Chris. She dashed by and grabbed Kazuma before Beldia could use his sword.

Dang, that's a good line.

Chris tossed a few throwing knives at Beldia before he could react, before she dropped Kazuma and ran off ninja-style.

"Not bad," said Beldia. "But you are too late! Once I finish off the rest of you, I'll finally get back to my enjoyable lifestyle of traveling about whilst carrying out the Devil King's orders!"

Come on Kazuma, think! How do I defeat this guy? If this was an RPG, he'd have some kind of weakness! What did he do… he dodged the water...

"Create Water!" he suddenly shouted. Beldia hopped out of the way again.

"Gah! What are you doing?"

"Everyone! His weakness is water!"

"Eh?"

The next thing he realized, everyone was casting water spells, which he proceeded to dance around like a deranged ballet dancer.

"Uh, what are you guys doing?" said Aqua. "If you need water, you could've just asked me! For I am the goddess…"

"Just do it, you useless goddess!"

"Stop calling me useless!"

"The point is, we need to hit him with as much water as possible!"

Aqua humphed and began to cast, whilst the fight that slowly began to resemble a child's water battle continued.

Suddenly, Darkness' eyes widened before she made a break for the town.

"Hey, where are you going… gah!" he said, when he saw the torrent rushing towards him. "Curse my inability to focus on more than one thing!" Beldia screamed before he was slammed in the face with water.

"Okay, that's enough Aqua! Aqua?" Kazuma panicked and ran into Axel, but the massive waves enveloped him anyway.

"AAAAAGH!"

"HELP ME! I CAN'T SWIM!"

"I KNOW HOW TO SWIM BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY MANA SO I'M BASICALLY IMMOBALIZED!"

"MEGUMIN? OVER HERE!"

Kazuma grabbed Megumin, and she clung to his back for dear life, as he perilously tossed about in Aqua's flood.

Finally, the water settled and the five of them were back on the ground. Unfortunately, so was Beldia.

"Ngh!" he said, struggling to hold his body up. "I'm impressed. You managed to find my weakness. But no matter! I'll still defeat you!"

"He's weak!" said Aqua. "Chris, go finish him off!"

"With pleasure!" Chris drew her blade

The crowd was gone, thanks to Aqua, and there was no one around Kazuma's party, aside from Beldia.

"I'm gonna make you suffer so much, even Darkness wouldn't be able to handle it!" she grinned evilly, Kazuma could almost swear she was giving off some unholy light.

"Uh, is that an enchanted dagger? Hey, get that thing away!" Beldia backed off. "And why are you looking at me so creepily?"

"Hey, wait!" said a new voice.

The five of them noticed Wiz running towards them. "Don't kill him yet!"

"Wiz?" said Megumin. Beldia's eyes widened.

"Wiz! Oh thank the Devil King, you've come to save me!"

"What?" said Kazuma.

"Look, I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past, but I could really use a solid here! You know, one Devil King General to another,"

"What?"" said Kazuma.

"It's pretty simple, just do something about this crazy thief girl! Used your Cursed Crystal Prison or something! Please, she's gonna obliterate me!" he begged her, whilst backing away from Chris.

"Like she'd care about you… wait, what did she say?"

"Wiz?" said Kazuma. "What's this guy talking about?"

"You mean I didn't mention it earlier?" she said. "I'm the a Devil King General, Wiz the Ice Lich,"

Silence followed.

"Bind!" exclaimed Chris. A flurry of ropes flew from her hands, tying up Wiz in a tight grip.

"Gah!" she said. Aqua's smile grew.

"This is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Two Devil King Generals in one fell swoop!" she said.

"Hold the phone!" Kazuma butted in. "Let's give her a chance to explain for a moment!"

"Thank you!" said Wiz. "I'm only a general in the barest of senses! I don't actually hurt anyone! And I don't destroy things either! I just help sustain the barrier around the Devil King's castle!"

"She's right!" said Beldia. "She's so harmless, we don't even bother challenging her to sparring matches! It's probably been multiple years since she last used her Boss Skill! Although, don't get me wrong, she's probably stronger than I am!"

"I'm flattered," said Wiz, rolling her eyes.

"I see," Kazuma tapped his chin. "I suppose we can let her go,"

"WHAT?" said Chris and Aqua simultaneously. "But Kazuma..."

"No buts about it! She's our friend! Sort of… but more importantly, what do we do with Beldia?" Kazuma said as he untied Wiz.

"Uh…" Beldia seemed lost for words. "I know this looks bad, but maybe we can come to some kind of agreement?"

"Forget about it!" said Chris. She jumped and tackled him to the ground, the weakened Beldia putting up little resistance. "Aqua, turn this guy into undead salad!"

"My pleasure!" said Aqua, preparing her God Blow.

"Wait!" he said. "Wiz! Please give me a hand here! I'll do anything! I'll relinquish my power on the barrier, I'll disband my army, I'll release my prisoners, I'll stop rolling my head under your skirt, I'll even work in that shop of yours! Just please make them spare me!"

"Really?" Wiz looked incredulously.

"You know I never actually killed those people, I just said it to look cool! And I can revive those other adventurers, no sweat!"

"Well…" Wiz tapped her chin. "Okay, fine. Aqua, Chris, stop it."

"Like I'd listen to another filthy undead!" said Aqua. Chris was already drawing back with her dagger.

"Do as she says, you two!" said Kazuma.

"WHAT?" said Chris and Aqua simultaneously. "But Kazuma..."

"No buts about it, he's Wiz's problem now. Besides, we can just say we killed him,"

"Oh yeah…" said Megumin. "Well, I'm sold,"

"Me too," said Darkness.

"Looks like the people have spoken," said Kazuma.

Chris glared at him before releasing Beldia.

"Oh, thank you so much! You truly have a heart of gold!" Beldia scooped Wiz up into a hug. The lich was somewhat overwhelmed by the sudden act of affection.

"You're welcome?" she said.

"I swear upon my honor that I have the utmost gratitude for you my friend! Now to make good on my promise," he pointed near the adventurers he killed. "Animate body and soul!"

As he said it, the dead adventures suddenly got to their feet, healthy as ever. Beldia turned back to the others.

"The barrier no longer has my support," he said to Kazuma. "And, I'll be leaving my castle," he turned to Megumin. "So feel free to blow it up anytime you like. I wouldn't want you dying because you can't cast your spell."

"Really? Thanks!" she said, her eyes lighting up with delight. "I've been needing a good target. I need something big and hard or I won't be satisfied…"

Beldia simply laughed. Kazuma noticed the dullahan's own eyes glowing with a similar crimson hue.

"Well, I suppose we'll be on our way!" said Wiz. "Feel free to drop by and browse any time!"

"Alright, let's get moving!" said Beldia. "I'll summon my spectral chariot…"

"Oh, there's no need. It's only a short walk away," she pointed in a direction. The two of them walked off.

"Huh," said Kazuma. "Well, that was certainly a satisfying conclusion,"

"I still think we should've Turned both of them…" Chris pouted.

"I'm sorry, did you and Aqua swap brains or something?"

A while later…

"And then, Chris and I use Sacred Turn Undead on the dullahan to finish him off!" Aqua proudly recounted her semi-abridged version of what happened.

The guild hall erupted into applause for the five party members. The ones who were revived by Beldia, whom Aqua claimed to have resurrected herself, were especially thankful.

Just then, Luna, the receptionist walked up to the party.

"For defeating the Devil King's General, the guild has prepared a special reward for the five of you,"

"Us?" said Kazuma.

"The guild voted, we all agreed that we couldn't have defeated Beldia without your truly amazing quick-thinking and clever tactics!" she said. "Thus, the guild of Axel awards you three-hundred million eris!"

"THREE-HUNDRED-MILLION?" the five of them said simultaneously.

Another round of applause for them, coupled with quite a few requests for drinks.

"That's enough money to live to take an early retirement at fifty-years-old!" said Aqua. "Or enough for an entire army to defeat the Devil King…"

Luna handed Kazuma a piece of paper.

"Woah, that's a lot of zeroes…" he said. "Hey wait a second!"

Luna smiled apologetically.

"Well… the water you summoned sort of caused a lot of flood damage, and we also voted that you should pay for… some of it,"

Aqua glanced at the paper and gasped.

"After deducting our rewards, we owe the guild forty-million eris?" she exclaimed.

"Aw come on!" said Chris. "We were almost out of debt, and now we're even deeper? I swear, this world hates me!"

"Isn't that my line?" said Kazuma.

"Uh… I don't know?" Chris shrugged.

Another while later.

Kazuma rested his head in the pile of hay, Megumin on his left, Chris on his right.

"I don't believe it." he said. "All that hard work, and we're still back at zero."

"At least it was sorta fun?" said Chris. Megumin glared at her.

"Fun? At this point, I'd go an entire day without casting Explosion for a comfy bed." she said.

"Really?" said Kazuma.

"Well, I'd probably just wait until I got the bed and then cast Explosion." she blushed and admitted.

Kazuma's eyes widened. Was she always that cute-looking? Maybe I really can salvage this…

"Well, at least I still have my staff…" she rested her cheek against her large wooden pole. "Oh… such magical power… the girth is just perfect!"

Nevermind, personality trumps all!

"Cheer up you two!" said Chris. "The worst we can do is give up, right?"

"I suppose…" Kazuma sighed.

"And in addition to that…" Chris shuffled a bit closer to Kazuma. "We still have each other!"

Aw crap, my virgin heart wasn't prepared for a line like that! The worst part is that she isn't crazy like my other party members, well except that undead thing. But other than that, she's a kind and sensible girl, not to mention absolutely gorgeous. Does… does that mean Chris is the heroine of this story? I wouldn't mind that… gah! Don't get ahead of yourself. Just… try and advance slowly.

Kazuma put his arm around her, a subtle indication for her to move closer to which she did.

Yikes… is she eager or what? Aw what the heck, who else is here that I could possibly date?

Kazuma noticed a pair of glowing scarlet eyes right behind him, in addition to something small clutching his back.

Wait a minute… have I been developing a harem? I guess I could work with that…

Chapter Text

"I want money…" Kazuma said, his head slumped on the table.

"Oh, Kazuma, who doesn't want money?" Aqua laughed. Chris shot her a glare from across the table.

"Do you even know why we need money?"

"Why should I care what you want to do with the money? Hey, you're a thief, go steal us something!"

Chris slapped her across the face.

"Why are you like that? You never treat me like anything else than someone who serves you! Just because you're an elder goddess doesn't make you any more important than me! Do you hear me? And if goddesses were ranked on their kindness and intelligence, I'd be promoted to an elder, and you'd be demoted to the rank of a minor goddess!"

"Huh?" said Kazuma. Chris' eyes widened.

"Um... it's nothing…" she sat back down. "But seriously, you've been garnishing every quest reward we get, and we're still in debt!"

"Winter is the worst time to be in debt!" said Kazuma. "I woke up this morning with my eyebrows covered in frost! We need some money or we're gonna freeze to death!" he exclaimed.

"Have you tried putting a hot water bottle in your bed?" said Megumin. "It worked great while I was growing up!"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea!" said Kazuma. "See Aqua, this is what you call being useful!"

"Hey, I'm totally useful! And to prove it, I'll find us another quest right now!" she stormed off to the quest board.

"Although, the main way I stayed warm at night was snuggling with my little sister," Megumin noted. Kazuma perked up.

"Hey, that's also not a bad-"

"NO!" said Megumin, Chris, and Darkness simultaneously.

Just then, Aqua returned with a quest.

"Kazuma, Kazuma!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma"

"I just got us a quest for killing Snow Sprites!"

"Eh?" said Kazuma. "What are those?"

Chris interjected. "Snow sprites are small flying creatures that hibernate for most of the year and only come out during winter on snowy days to breed! They're easy to kill, and it's said that each one that dies means that spring comes a day earlier."

"Is that so?" said Kazuma. "Alright, then it's decided." Hey, now's a good time to use that line I've always wanted to say!

Kazuma struck a pose from some war anime he watched and said, "Don your weapons and armor! We will embark in fifteen minutes!"

"Eh?" said Aqua. "What's that all about?"

"Have you been hanging around Megumin too much?" said Chris.

"I don't quite understand…" said Darkness.

"Kazuma! That pose is extremely cool!" Megumin delightfully applauded him. "You must tell me where you got it from!"

That was nothing like the response I was hoping for…

A bit later, they arrived at a large snowy field, where many snow sprites were floating about. Kazuma had to admit, they looked pretty cute for balls of snow. The more pressing concern was the party's state of dress. Darkness and Megumin were in winter garb, while Aqua and Chris were in their usual outfits. Not only that, but Aqua was also wearing bug-hunting gear, complete with a net and a small box.

"Hey Darkness, where's your armor?" said Kazuma.

"In the shop," she replied. "Do not worry, I already have enough durability to take any larger monsters we might find."

"I guess…" Kazuma tapped his chin. "But what about you two?" he looked in the direction of Aqua and Chris.

"Duh, we catch snow sprites and keep them so we can have cold drinks in the summer!" said Aqua. "And goddesses don't get cold!"

"Yeah right," Megumin rolled her eyes.

"And I have my own ways to stay warm." Chris winked.

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said Aqua.

"Never mind that, let's catch some snow sprites!" Kazuma drew his sword.

"Go, team Konosuba!" Megumin said.

"That's still a ridiculous name!" said Kazuma. "Sneak Attack!"

He sliced through a single snow sprite, causing it to shatter into the snow.

"Huh, that's surprisingly easy," he said.

That's how it went for a while. Sort of. It turns out that most of the snow sprites started to scatter in irregular patterns. Aqua managed to nab four, Chris used her Steal to kill three, Darkness didn't get any (no surprise there) and Megumin… well…

"Come forth, Schwarzsech Prototype Mark II! Explosion!"

Megumin got lots. Lots of them.

"Hey, I leveled up! Oh, but not enough skill points to upgrade my Explosion…" she pouted. "Oh well, it'll only take a few more levels to get Nuclear Fission!"

"Wait, what?" said Kazuma

But all the same, it went pretty well. They had collected quite a few snow sprites. Until…

"GAH!" said Aqua, Chris, Darkness, and Megumin simultaneously. Kazuma's jaw dropped when he saw what they were looking at.

It was a towering armored figure, ripped straight from the Warring States era. It brandished a long impressive Katana and a general symbol on its helmet.

"Is that…" Kazuma's jaw dropped. "The Winter Shogun?"

"How'd you know about that?" Chris looked at him.

"It's an expression the forecasters would use back in my old country. They'd say "The winter shogun is moving in" when it got cold."

The shogun glanced at Darkness, and in the blink of an eye, it slammed down on her, its sword bouncing off of hers.

Aqua grabbed Kazuma's head and forced him into the snow.

"Kazuma! The Winter Shogun won't attack if you apologize! Throw down your weapon and bow!"

Kazuma tossed away his sword and continued bowing.

"You two, Darkness!"

"As a paladin, I can not abandon my friends in their time of…"

"GET ON THE GROUND YOU PSYCHO-MASOCHIST!" said Aqua.

"Ngh! Aqua is so direct all of a sudden!" Darkness dropped to the floor, Indestructible tossed aside. Megumin and Chris did the same.

Aqua quickly released her snow sprites.

"Did it work?" said Kazuma.

He glanced upwards for a single moment.

The last thing he heard sounded a lot like 'shing!'

One moment later...

"Huh?" Kazuma stuttered, looking around. The place he was in looked… familiar.

"Kazuma Satou, welcome to the afterlife." said the person in front of him "I am the goddess Eris, and I will show you on the path to your next life."

"Huh?" said Kazuma, still confused.

Then it came back to him. He was dead. Again.

Whilst contemplating the actions that led him to this, he noted the goddess in front of him. She was certainly cute-looking, with gorgeous purple eyes, short silver hair, and pale skin, she would easily pass for beautiful back in his old world. In fact, he couldn't shake the feeling that she looked… familiar.

All the same, the reality fell on his conscious. He was dead, and he would never see his dysfunctional party ever again. It was strange, he had died before, but that had only been somewhat sad. He didn't have anyone he cared about back then, he simply indulged himself for eternity.

He felt something wet trickle down his cheek.

Huh? That didn't happen the last time I died.

"I'm sorry," said Eris. "You must be feeling so many things right now."

"It's alright" he chuckled, wiping away tears. "I was thinking about how I thought I'd never want to see that obnoxious bunch again, but now that I realize I'm never gonna see them again… I guess I liked them a bit more than I thought." he found himself blushing a little bit. "Megumin, her adorable red eyes, and the Explosions we shared. Darkness, always ready to throw herself in harm's way for the sake of her friends… and her fetishes. Chris, always noble and truthful, loyal to the very end, and oh-so-smart. Aqua…. Uh…. hang on, I think there was something I did with her…"

Eris simply smiled and continued speaking.

"Your life in that world was short but still meaningful. You made friends, saw some amazing things, and even killed a Devil King General. That's not a bad adventure, is it?"

"I guess if you put it that way." Kazuma found himself laughing through his tears. "Speaking of which, how are my friends doing?"

"Well, that bit- I mean Aqua is doing fine. The Winter Shogun left after that incident. All your friends are safe."

"Thank goodness…" he said.

"And by the way…" Kazuma almost thought he saw the goddess blush. "If you think of her that way, your friend Chris probably won't get a chance to tell you this, but she loves…"

"Hey, Kazuma!" Aqua's voice rang throughout the room.

"Aqua?" said Kazuma.

"Aw come on!" Eris pouted. "We were having a moment!"

"Never mind that! I'm casting a resurrection spell on your body as we speak! You should be able to get back here as fast as possible. We're all waiting for you, me, Darkness, Megumin, Chris… wait, where's Chris? Megumin, did you see her?" said Aqua.

She… she can bring me back? Back to that fantasy world with the insanely broken game balance? Aw, what the heck, what harm could come from having a little extra time with them?"

"Alright, Aqua, I'll be on my way, ASAP!"

"Hey wait!" Eris interrupted. "You can't come back after you've already died and reincarnated! That's against the rules…"

"Hey Aqua, Eris says that's against the rules!"

"Eris? I have seniority over that little brat with the padded bra!"

"Padded bra?" said Kazuma.

Eris groaned.

"Oh, you bit- I mean, have a nice trip, Kazuma! And remember…" she put her fingers to her lip. "This is our secret."

"I guess that makes sense… HEY WAIT A MINUTE!" said Kazuma, as a mystic portal opened and sucked him in. "ERIS! I DON'T MIND IF THEY'RE PAAAAAAAAAAAAADS!"

When the portal closed, Eris let out a sigh.

"Alright, better get back before he gets suspicious."

Back in the realm of the living…

Kazuma opened his eyes, face to face with Aqua.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" she grinned. Megumin, who was kneeling beside him on the verge of tears, hugged him wordlessly, as did Darkness.

"You guys…" Kazuma laughed. "You guys are absolute nut-jobs, but I'm so glad to see you again…"

"Don't scare us like that again!" Megumin cried on Kazuma's shoulder. "Or I'll use Explosion on both of us at the same time!"

"I'd prefer… wait, where's Chris?"

As if on cue, the thief appeared out of seemingly nowhere.

"Sorry, I Lurked away to avoid the Winter Shogun. What did I miss?"

Darkness stood up and glared at her.

"Kazuma just died and came back to life!"

"He did?" she said, not looking very surprised. "Oh, well how was it?"

"Pretty nice, actually," said Kazuma. "I met a cute goddess named Eris, she's kind and pretty! Hey…" he glanced at Aqua.

"Now now, Kazuma? Don't you have anything to say about the goddess you've mistreated who just brought you back from the grave?"

"Any chance I could trade her for the other one?" he remarked.

"Why you little…" Aqua pulled back a punch, but Darkness stopped her.

"Now's not the time for that," she said. Nobody noticed, but Chris was blushing so much that one could easily mistake her for Megumin's iris.

Back at the guild…

"Alright, we've got ourselves 1.2 million Eris!" Kazuma proudly announced. "That means 24 hundred thousand Eris for each of us. Not a bad take, but I don't think dying makes up for it."

"Agreed," they said, taking their share of the money.

"Now that that's done, I have something to share with everyone!" Aqua pulled out a jar. Inside was a little snow sprite, curiously glancing at its new environment with beady eyes.

"I don't believe it!" said Kazuma. "You managed to hide one from the shogun! Now let me finish it off…"

"What? No! I'm keeping this one to use as a refrigerator, so we can have ice-cold drinks in the summer! I won't let you kill it! I've even thought of the perfect name for it! You can't have it, you caaaaaaan't!"

Dang, it!

Aqua clutched the jar to her chest and crouched back.

Well… I sorta owe her one so I'll let it slide.

Kazuma proceeded to calculate their finances. While they couldn't quite pay off their debt, they had enough money to sleep in an inn for a couple of nights. As he did so, Aqua snuggled her new pet up to her cheek.

"I'm gonna take good care of you, Yuki! In the summer we'll have cold drinks, and I can hold you on my pillow when it gets hot at night! And later we can open a shaved ice store, and I can… wait, do any of you know what Snow Sprites eat?"

"Well, I heard that they absorb mana from their surroundings like other nature spirits," said Chris.

"Oh, then mana potions should work just as well!" she turned to Kazuma. "Kazuma, we need to get some more of those!"

Kazuma let out a sigh. Aqua pulled a blue potion out of her bag.

"Uh, that might not be a good idea…" said Chris. Aqua simply ignored her and started pouring the liquid onto the snow sprite, whose name was apparently Yuki.

Note: 'Yuki' is a Japanese translation of "Snow." A common usage of the word is in reference to a Yuki-onna, a type of yo-kai.

Yuki shivered as the potion absorbed into her snow. I'm not sure if she's a girl snow sprite, but if you ask Aqua, she will insist upon a female gender. Once she was done drinking, she started to glow for a moment before returning to normal.

Meanwhile, Kazuma's mind wandered to Eris. She was beautiful in every way and seemed genuinely sympathetic towards him. Not only that, but she also had a sweet smile that he felt like he could trust.

"Hey, Kazuma." Chris put a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry I missed your death incident."

"It's alright." Kazuma simply smiled. Just then, he noticed certain details about Chris. Short silver hair, purple eyes, pale skin, a sweet smile…

Wait a minute… Nah, that's ridiculous!

Spring came fairly soon. Kazuma lived out his life, occasionally going on a quest to top off their purses and slowly wear away at their debt. One day, they all decided to visit where Wiz said her magic item shop would be.

The bell rang as they walked into the store.

"Oh, Kazuma, welcome!" Wiz happily greeted them. Then her face fell "Oh… you brought Aqua and Chris…"

"You again?" Chris grabbed the shopkeeper by the neck and slammed her into the wall.

"Owie…"

"You have a shop here while we've been sleeping in the stables?" Aqua exclaimed, as her hand began to glow. "In the name of the gods, I'll burn this place to…"

Kazuma smacked her upside the head with the hilt of his dagger.

"Owie…" she said.

"Then if that's how it shall be…" Chris drew her dagger. "You got away the last two times, but I swear that…"

Darkness whacked her with the blunt end of Indestructible.

"Owie…"

"Sorry about those two…" Kazuma bowed. "But I couldn't shake them off. I told them not to make trouble..." he glared at them. "But apparently that's not quite what they're good at. Anyways, meet our new friend, Yuki the snow sprite."

Yuki floated out from Aqua's bag. Oddly enough, Aqua had somehow trained the creature to follow her around. Kazuma had also managed to get Yuki to follow his commands using mana potions as treats. If only getting my party members to be more useful was that easy… he had thought at the time.

"Oh, hello there!" Wiz smiled warmly. Yuki looked pleased; she floated over and snuggled against her cheek.

"Huh, that's weird," said Kazuma. "Normally she doesn't like touching people…"

"Well, I don't have a body temperature," said Wiz. "But that aside, I didn't know you could train a snow sprite! That's impressive!"

"I know…" Kazuma tapped his chin. "But anyway, what kind of things do you sell here?"

"Oh, all kinds of stuff!" Wiz clapped her hands together. "We have potions with both beneficial and harmful effects, magical rings and jewelry, portable adventuring gear, and of course, disposable weaponry!"

"Disposable weaponry?" Kazuma scratched his head.

"They were my idea."

Kazuma's eyes widened when Beldia walked out of the storeroom.

"Hello there," he said. "I see we have… clever boy, psycho priest, crazy thief, Megumin, and… was it Leeroy Jenkins?"

"I suppose that's accurate…" said Kazuma. "But my name is Kazuma Satou. And this is Aqua, Chris, and Darkness."

"LET ME AT EM!" Chris drew her dagger, but Kazuma gave her a swift kick to the knees.

"I see…" said Beldia. "As I was saying, we sell cheap one-use armaments." he took a bottle off of a shelf. "Just apply enough force to the bottle, and you'll get a miniature explosion, strong enough to take out a large monster in just a few bottles. We also have heat-activated, water-activated, timed explosives, and drinkable bombs!"

"Drinkable?" Kazuma raised an eyebrow.

"It was her idea." Beldia pointed at Wiz.

"They're cherry-flavored!" she said.

"That's… incredibly stupid," said Kazuma.

"That's what I said," said Beldia. "But it's her call. Anyway, how can I help you?"

"First, we'd like to buy some mana potions," said Kazuma.

"I told you he'd want some of those!" said Beldia.

"What flavor?" said Wiz.

"Flavor?"

"We have strawberry, orange, banana, green tea, blueberry, plum, and grape flavors!" Wiz said as if she were listing ice-creams.

"Uh…" Kazuma seemed lost for words. Yuki floated over to one of the orange bottles behind Wiz.

"Orange, I guess. Ten of them."

"Okay!" Wiz took the bottles and put them all in a bag. "Anything else?"

"Yes, I'd like to learn a few skills from you two."

"Eh?" said Aqua and Chris.

"Why would you want to learn skills from a lich and a dullahan?" said Chris.

Aqua continued "Undead don't have anything you'd want! Are you trying to do something behind my back? And besides, undead love damp and dark places you know, for all intents and purposes they're basically giant slugs!"

"H-how could you…" Wiz was almost crying after that comment.

"How dare you!" Beldia drew his sword.

"Hey, calm down guys!" said Kazuma. "Slugs or not, learning skills from the bosses isn't something you usually get a chance to do, right? And they must be super powerful!"

"He's got a point…" said Beldia. "Well, I'm pretty sure learning my Boss Skill, The World, requires a detached head. But I can teach you my Death Sentence skill, easily."

"Seriously? Tell me more!"

"But I must warn you, it's not actually that powerful," he explained. "It takes at least a week to kill the target, even then they always end up bothering you perpetually until you lift it off them." he leaned in. "To be honest, I don't think anyone actually died from it. I just use it to freak people out. Also, it only works on people."

"Oh..." said Kazuma. Well, that's stupid. That skill's useless!

"How about I teach you Shadow Step instead? It's far more useful! It's actually how I get around most of the time. Your body is absorbed into a shadow, and then you can reappear at another shadow you've already seen!"

"That's almost cooler!" said Kazuma.

"Oh, and I can teach you Drain Touch!" said Wiz. "It's simple, you can drain energy from someone and add it to your own! You can also transfer your energy to someone else."

"Hey, that's pretty cool too!" he said. "Okay, I'll take em!"

"Alright, behold!" Beldia struck a pose for some reason. "Shadow Step!"

His massive armored form vanished and popped up a few feet away.

"Yes, bask in my… I mean that's the skill. Sorry, old habits."

"Where do you get your poses from, Beldia?" said Megumin. "I've never seen anything like it back in the Crimson Demon village. And we are the world leaders when it comes to posing!"

"How many years has it been since the 45th Devil King?"

"Approximately three hundred," said Megumin. "Why?"

Beldia let out a sigh.

"I am extremely out of touch…" he said.

Wiz cleared her throat.

"Erm… Megumin? Do you mind if I drain a little bit of your mana? I need an opponent to use the skill."

"Uh… I guess." Megumin reached out a hand. Chris' eyes widened.

"Hey, don't fall for a trap like that!" she said. "Aqua should do it, she's got way more mana!"

"Heck no!" said Kazuma. "I'm not trusting her since the last time she tried to make her disappear!"

Wiz proceeded to use Drain Touch on Megumin, not doing anything particularly flashy or intense. Kazuma enjoyed it, it was a relief to see something done professionally for once.

After that, Kazuma found two new skills on his adventurer card.

Drain Touch: 3 points

Shadow Step: 5 points

Without a moment of hesitation, he spent his remaining skill points on them.

"Alright, these are gonna be super useful!" he said. "Does anyone else need anything?"

"Can I have some manatite crystals?" said Megumin.

"Right here." Wiz put a small box on the counter. "That'll be three thousand eris."

"Here." Kazuma emptied his wallet onto the table. "We'll be on our way now, so…"

"Is Miss Wiz here?" A middle-aged man walked into the store.

A little while later…

Kazuma's party had made it to the edge of town, where a rather large mansion stood proudly on the edge of a forest.

"That landlord sure was generous!" said Aqua. "I can't believe he let us live in the house if we exorcised it to bring the value back up! We scored big time with this one!"

"He also said nobody else could exorcise it," Kazuma noted.

"Is that all?" said Aqua. "You have me, who is both a goddess and an archpriest!"

"Alright, get to work on it," said Chris.

"Leave it to me… Ahah! Here's our ghost! She's only a little girl, and her father used to use this house as a summer home. Oh, but her mother is only a maid. And it looks like she disappeared somehow, and her father died from a disease! Left here alone, she too passed away. Her name was Anna Filante Estroid…"

The other four of them watched as Aqua rattled off the details of the girl's life.

"I see…" said Kazuma. "Well, while you do that, we'll start bringing our stuff in."

A little bit later…

Before long, Kazuma and his companions had picked out their rooms and set up their things. Yuki had found a nice comfy hanging basket to nestle into. In addition, Kazuma had ended up with the largest bedroom on the second floor, and the alleged ghosts were yet to be seen. He was just settling in for the night when…

"YAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Yep. It's Aqua again.

"KAZUMA! THE GHOST DRANK ALL MY FANCY BUBBLY!"

"SHUT UP AND SLEEP, YOU USELESS GODDESS!" Chris shouted from her room.

Kazuma ignored the commotion outside and closed his eyes. Whilst sleeping was a nightly challenge back in his old world, it was exceedingly easy in his current one. He attributed the lack of electric lights and screens, addition to the far more physically and mentally straining lifestyle of an adventurer. Of course, he used one of his socks beforehand to get his long-needed solitary session, but he really couldn't wait to sleep.

He did so for an indeterminate amount of time before he awoke to the feeling of needing to use the bathroom.

"Hmmm…" he murmured to no one. He blinked an eye open.

Huh? A doll? That wasn't there before. Wait… is this like one of those movies with creepy murder dolls? Nah, that's ridiculous! One of my friends must've put it there as a prank.

Woah, did I casually refer to those nut-jobs as my friends? That's never happened before. Focus Kazuma! You have to pee! So get out of bed!

Obeying his mind's request, he turned over in bed.

He was met face to face with many more dolls

OH MY GOSH, THERE'S MORE OF THEM! I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!

"Shadowstep!"

What followed was an experience like no other. His entire body was numbed, flattened, pushed through an extremely tight space, and reinflated in a matter of a few seconds.

When Kazuma popped up at his destination, he found himself face to face with a pair of glowing red eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

"AAAAAGH!" Megumin jumped away, the glow of eyes slowly fading. "Where did you come from?"

"Megumin?" said Kazuma. "Woah, I've never seen your eyes in the dark before! They're kinda cool in a creepy way!"

Megumin backed away a little bit, as her eyes suddenly lit up like fireworks.

"Are… are you trying to coerce me?" she tried to cover her burning corneas

Note: "Cool, in a creepy way", is a common vanity goal for many chuunibyous. As such, this is essentially a romantic compliment from Megumin's perspective. In addition, the brightness and intensity of her eyes are directly proportional to the strength of her emotions.

"What? No!" Kazuma shook his head. "I need to use the bathroom, and there's a bunch of crazy murder doll thingies in my room!"

"You too?"

Thunk.

Kazuma and Megumin glanced at the window. A whole crowd of dolls was pressed up against it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Kazuma grabbed Megumin's hand.

"Huh?" she blushed, her eyes glowing a little brighter.

"Shadowstep!"

Outside the bathroom…

"Kazuma, are you there?" said Megumin. She said from inside the stall. Kazuma had already done his business.

"Yes, I am. Hurry up so we can get out of here."

Just then, Chris came walking down the hall in a night outfit.

Note: If you want to know what Chris' pajamas look like, look up videos of the Konosuba visual novel.

"Kazuma!" she ran over. "Did you see any dolls?"

"There were some in mine and Megumin's rooms."

"Not for long!" Chris was about to run off when Megumin spoke.

"Uh… it's kind of hard to go in here. Do you think you could sing a song loudly?"

"Are you serious?" Kazuma let out a sigh. "Fine… but I don't know a lot…

My name is Recoome

I've got the strongest powers, I…

Will take all your lives without even breaking a sweat!

With my ultra fighting pose

The Miracle bomber, oh yeah!

I'll sweep all the scum off of the battlefield!

Yes, we are-

We have just arrived and we're the most elite, forces in the universe!

We even shut up whiny kids, we're the Ginyu Special Squad!"

"Hey, I heard that one before!" said Chris. "It's from Dragon Ball Z, right?"

"How do you know what that is?" said Kazuma.

"Um… it's a secret?"

"I guess that makes sense…"

"NO IT DOESN''T!" Megumin opened the door angrily. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Uh… guys?" Chris pointed down the hall. "We've got company!"

"YAH!" Kazuma grabbed Megumin and Chris' hands. "I'll Shadowstep us out of here!"

"Wait, I need to put my panties back on…"

"Steal!" Kazuma aimed his skill into the bathroom, handed the garment to Megumin, and grabbed her hand again. "Shadowstep!"

In a nearby closet.

"Huh, that panty-stealing technique was actually useful for something!" said Megumin. Chris nodded in agreement.

"And you're getting the hang of that Shadowstep!" said Chris. "Even though it is from that dullahan, Beldia."

"A dullahan?" said a new voice that startled all three of them. "That sounds so cool! Please, tell me more adventurers!"

It was the voice of a young girl, no older than ten.

"Eh?" said Chris. "Who… who are you?"

"My name is Anna. Do you know why all these mean ghosts are here?"

"Mean ghosts?" said Megumin. "Wait, you mean the dolls?"

"Yes, they took my dolls and won't give them back! But your blue-haired friend is fighting them, so that shouldn't be an issue. May I get to know each of you?"

"Uh, yeah," said Kazuma. "My name is Kazuma. I'm sort of the leader."

"My name is Megumin! Foremost of the Crimson Demons at Explosion magic, and who will one day master Explosions!"

"And I'm Chris, the thief."

"Kazuma, Megumin, and Chris," Anna said, acknowledging each of them. "It's so nice to meet all of you! I haven't had any new friends for thirty years! It gets kind of lonely in this mansion. Ever since I died..."

"So you are that ghost Aqua was talking about earlier," said Kazuma. Well, would you look at that? Among all the doll-possessing psychos, there's a cute little girl ghost.

"Could you perhaps tell me a story? I want to know what your adventures are like!"

"Sure." Kazuma chuckled. "How about it guys?"

"I guess…" said Chris. "I can tolerate this particular undead to tell her a story."

"Oh, how about the one where we fought Beldia?" said Megumin. "That's one of my favorites!"

"Okay," said Kazuma. "So it all started when Megumin wanted to cast her Explosion magic…"

And thus it went on. The three of them happily recounted their adventures to their new invisible friend Anna. Chris was in the middle of describing how she saved Kazuma when…

"KAZUMA!" Aqua yelled out. "Is there another ghost in there with you? Just say the word and I'll turn it!"

"Well… there is, but I assure you she's nice! It's that Anna girl you were talking about!"

"Really?" said Aqua. She opened the door. "Well, you can assure yourself that I've gotten rid of all the other ghosts!"

"Hooray!" Anna cheered. At least, Kazuma assumed she was, given she was invisible.

"You're Anna? It's nice to meet you!" Aqua said to the air. "Well, I guess since you've been living here so long, you might as well join our household!"

"Really? Thank you!"

Aqua felt a chill down her spine, presumably from Anna attempting to hug her.

"Hey Kazuma, remind me to make her a doll she can possess and not look super creepy so she can hug me!"

"Will do," said Kazuma.

A little bit later…

Kazuma wiped the last bit of grime off of the headstone in the garden.

"There we are!" he said to the doll sitting beside it. "What do you think, Anna?"

"It's wonderful!" she replied. Kazuma had long gotten over the shock of being spoken to by a creepy doll, but that didn't make it not unnerving. He would simply have to wait until Aqua finished her new doll.

Just then, the aforementioned goddess and Chris were solemnly walking up to him.

"Oh, hey guys," he said.

"Kazuma," said Chris. "Aqua has something to say to you."

"Well… remember when I said that I would take over Wiz's duties? Well, it got super annoying to have to go there every week so I just put a holy barrier over it to make them all go away. And… that must've made all the ghosts go to the mansion where Anna was staying."

"So we didn't accept the guild's special reward." Chris finished.

"Ah," said Kazuma. Anna stood up and floated away.

The next day…

"And… done!" said Aqua. She proudly presented her new creation to Anna's current doll.

"It looks beautiful!" she said. "I'm going to possess it right now." At once, the old doll fell limp. After a few moments of silence, the new one's eyes opened.

"Wow, it's so maneuverable!" Anna laughed as she walked about. Her new body was shockingly realistic in terms of its movement. The wooden skeleton creaked a little bit, but it was fluid and lively. As for her face, Aqua had put meticulous work into recreating Anna's original image, to the point where Kazuma, who was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, had almost mistaken it for that of a human child's, save for the grain of the wood and the painted eyes. Even her hair was shockingly lifelike. Aqua picked up a small blue dress and slipped it onto the doll like a mother would her child. At that point, anyone who was watching from afar would only see a cute little girl.

"That's impressive," said Kazuma, as Anna played about with Yuki. "But I have to wonder, I saw your card, and your stats haven't gone up since we got here."

Aqua proudly put her hand to her chest.

"My stats were obviously maxed out from the start! What would you expect from a goddess?"

"I see…" So her intelligence won't ever go up. That's actually kind of sad…

"Hey, um Aqua?" said Anna.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Why did Daddy have a bunch of posters with your face on them?"

"Eh?" Aqua's eyes widened.

"And he was always trying to give people these weird forms to try and make them convert to something. And he said something about the… Axis thingy?"

"Oh, the Axis sect!" Aqua laughed. "Your dad must've been one of my followers!"

"That seems suspicious…" Kazuma tapped his chin.

A bit later…

"Pawn to D5," said Darkness. She and Megumin were playing this world's version of chess. Kazuma was currently observing in an attempt to figure out the rules. It didn't seem particularly different, it almost looked exactly like normal chess.

"You activated my trap card!" Megumin flipped over a card that was on the table. "All pieces in the fifth file are stunned for three turns!"

"Darn it! I always forget that…"

"My turn! I move the orc rider to G7 and set two more cards." She took a pair of cards from her hand and set them on the table.

"I attack with my artillery to H4"

"You sunk my battleship!" Megumin took a piece out from some kind of compartment under the board and put it in Darkness' captured pile. "Alright, now I move my wizard to a new location!"

Megumin put her hand back in the compartment and moved something.

"It casts Magic Missile!" she picked a nearby dice and rolled it. "Natural 20! I take out your Spawning Pool!"

"No!" Darkness winced. "Alright, I attack with my vanguard!" she moved a piece six spaces forwards. "First check, critical trigger!" She pulled a card from a nearby deck and pointed to a symbol. "Second check, also a critical trigger! All effects to the vanguard!"

Megumin removed two pieces in front of Darkness' vanguard.

"Alright, now I tap The Great Henge for two addition mana, which I use to teleport on my golden general!"

"I cast Apocalypse Chime to destroy your left knight!" Darkness put down a card from her hand.

"I stifle!"

"Counterspell!"

"Cancel!"

"Negate!"

"Essence Flux!"

"Dispel!"

"Foil!"

"Forbidden Lance!"

"Golden Wind!"

"Toilet paper!"

"Darn it!" Megumin took her knight off the board. She drew another card. "I cast Imperio to take control of your bishop!"

"I use Reclaim Landscape to enhance my morale!"

"I move my bishop to attack your rook!"

"Flamestrike! Modified 18!"

"Dang It!" Megumin moved another piece forward. "Proxy Pylon!"

"Siege Tank!"

"Wow, that's a good move," Aqua whispered to Kazuma.

"I use eight Earth Charms reversed!" said Megumin.

"No!" Darkness' jaw dropped as Megumin swiped half her board. "I garrison my remaining units!"

"Fine, then I summon my three Crimson-Eyes, Gray Dragons, all at the same time!" Megumin put three large pieces on the board.

Darkness drew another card and grinned.

"I activate the effect of Exodia, the Forbidden One!"

She put down five cards on the board.

Megumin simply put down a card of her own.

"Explosion! I win!"

"What? How? No one can defeat Exodia! It's not possible!"

Yeah… I'm lost. Also, I think we've broken a record for the most references on one page. Right?

"We are never paying off our debt at this rate," he said to nobody in particular. Chris, who was sitting only a few feet away, heard loud and clear.

"Really? You're giving up like that?"

"It's not that we haven't improved, or that we can't score a quick buck. But we just don't have… something. I don't know what it is, but we don't have it. Remember when we tried to go fight those Kobolds?"

"Megumin blew her Explosion on the first few mobs and you barely escaped using your Shadowstep."

"And that time we went into Keele's dungeon."

"Aqua attracted all those undead and Darkness got lost."

"We're just not resourceful," Kazuma stated out loud. "Each of us is good at only one thing, and besides that we're useless. I mean, Aqua's still Aqua, Megumin's still a one-shot, and Darkness is still a masochist."

"What about me?" said Chris. "I'm still good, aren't I?"

"For an undead-obsessed kleptomaniac. You almost got eaten by a mimic!"

"Okay, I'll admit to that. But you can't give up!"

"Can't I?" Kazuma chuckled. "I already did it once. Won't be too hard to do it again."

"What if you carried?"

"Excuse me?" Kazuma glanced up.

"What if you took them and made them useful?"

"You want me to change them?" said Kazuma. "That'd be about as easy as getting a fly away from a sticky sweet mess. They don't think, they just chase after whatever they're obsessed with! Wait… they chase after what they're obsessed with…"

Kazuma sat up.

"Of course! That's the answer to my problems!"

"Uh… I don't like where this is going," said Chris. "I mean, I was thinking like a super-motivating speech or a heartfelt conversation…"

"Chris, you're a genius!" Kazuma ran out of the room. "I've got a lot of work to do!"

"Oh no, he's got a Kazuma idea," said Aqua. "Who knows what kind of insane thing he's going to do…"

A few days later…

"Alright Kazuma, spill the beans," said Chris. "You've been acting funny these past few days. In fact, everyone's been acting funny!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Chris," said Kazuma. A pink-haired girl in a maid outfit arrived in the sitting room with a tray.

"Your tea is ready, Master Kazuma and Lady Chris."

"Thank you," said Kazuma. "You are dismissed."

As the girl left, Chris continued.

"For starters, when did we get a maid?"

"Remember that succubus incident?"

"Yeah, what about it? That freaky demon girl showed up and possessed you into doing… things with Darkness. Yeah, I'm still not quite sure about the details regarding that." Chris crossed her arms.

"Well, you know how succubi need human lust to live, right? And who here is spewing more lust than Darkness herself, so…"

Flashback.

"You want to hire me as your personnel succubus?" said the young demon girl.

"Not my personal succubus, that'd be weird." Kazuma shook his head. "No, I'd like to hire you as our household succubus. You see, one of my party members has a very annoying fetish that's getting in the way of our quests. So I imagine if you can satisfy her fetish during downtimes, she won't have a reason to get aroused during fights."

"Oh, I see." she nodded. "And if I become your maid, you'll let me absorb her emotions, and let me live here?"

"Well, since we're halfway there, we might as well make the most out of you," Kazuma smirked. "Since succubi don't need normal food, I assume five thousand eris a day should be sufficient?"

"What? That's more than I make in a week back at the succubus club! Of course, I'll take that deal!"

"Excellent. Welcome to the Kazuma mansion…" he glanced at her name tag "Erlithenicht?."
"Just call me Elizabeth," she said. "A lot of my clients have trouble pronouncing my actual name."

"Okay, Elizabeth," said Kazuma. He called out behind him. "Aqua! Get over here!"

"Yes, Kazuma?" said Aqua, arriving surprisingly fast.

"I'd like you to meet our new maid, Elizabeth. Elizabeth, this is our party's Archpriest, Aqua."

"Greetings lady Aqua." Elizabeth stood up and bowed. Kazuma nodded in approval. She's already nailing the maid aesthetic! This is gonna be great; I've always wanted to own a maid!

"Alright Aqua. Can you use your tailoring skills to get her a uniform?"

"I'm already on it!" Aqua grabbed Elizabeth by the arm. "And by the way, have you considered joining the Axis sect? We're a super-accepting group that encourages all forms of love and passion, even those frowned upon by the Eris sect!"

"I see…" Elizabeth smiled awkwardly.

After that, Elizabeth took to her new job like a fish to water. She got to know the residents of the manor and performed her tasks as effectively as possible.

End flashback.

"I see…" said Chris, as Elizabeth handed her a cup of tea. "So, your theory is that Darkness will perform better if her fetish is satisfied beforehand?"

"It's not a theory, it's been working," said Kazuma. "Remember that kobold quest? Not only could she hold the aggro, but she also used crowd control and definitely hit a few things.

"I see…" Chris stroked her chin. "But what about Aqua? She's barely laughed at you or caused problems. Not only that, but she's actually good at healing now!"

"Now that required a bit of help from our friend Anna."

Flashback again.

"A what?" said Aqua. Anna nodded her head.

"A secret stash of the finest alcohol in Belzerg!" she said. "Daddy said he hid in the manor so his wife wouldn't find out about his drinking problem!"

"And it just so happens that I found the map," Kazuma said. "However, someone ripped it into many pieces, so I can't figure out where it is. That's why I need your artistic skills to fix it."

Kazuma placed a scrap of paper into Aqua's hand. She turned it over and gasped.

"Hey, that's a picture of my eye!"

"I think that's Daddy's favorite poster of you," said Anna. "He must've put the map on the other side."

"WHAT?" said Aqua. "Where are the rest of the pieces? I need to know what it looks like!"

"Not so fast Aqua." Kazuma nonchalantly waved a hand. "You see, I'm not interested at all in the alcohol, but I still want something out of this. So, I'm going to have you earn the pieces by doing useful things. If you fix the entire map, you can have all the booze to yourself."

"Are you serious… Wait? All that alcohol?" Aqua gazed upwards in thought. "Hm… that is a tempting offer…"

She doesn't even know I'm playing her for a fool. And all I had to do was offer her the entire stash of the secret booze.

"Oh!" Anna piped up. "Maybe if I can figure out what daddy likes so much about the poster, I'll consider joining the Axis sect! That could be fun!"

"An entire stash of the best booze in the world… all to myself..." Aqua stared dreamily at the ceiling. "But… what exactly counts as something useful?"

"Oh you know, healing, buffs, helping fight monsters, not causing problems…"

"Hmm… this seems like a trick, but I really wanna see that poster. And that alcohol! Okay, you've got a deal Kazuma!"

"Fantastic," he said. "Now, let's start preparing. We're going to do another run of Keele's dungeon in fifteen minutes."

"You mean that undead-filled cesspit?" Aqua looked disgusted for a moment before Kazuma pulled out another scrap of the poster. She leaped up and dashed into the other rooms. "Darkness! Megumin! Chris! We're going on a quest right now! Come on, let's go!"

"That may have worked a little too well…" Kazuma scratched his head.

End Flashback.

"You bribed her?" said Chris. "You bribed her… with a poster with a map on the other side?"
"Anna told me about the alcohol and showed me the map. I just ripped it up and told Aqua someone else did it. I told Anna that I was playing a game with Aqua." he explained.

"I see…" Chris cleared her throat. "Do I even wanna know what you did with Megumin? I'm pretty sure she cast Explosion at least sixteen times yesterday. And they seemed a lot smaller..."

"I'd honestly thought you'd ask about the posing," said Kazuma.

Flashback #3

"Hey Megumin, remember when you were talking about team poses?" said Kazuma.

"Yeah, why?" she said.

"What do you think of…" Kazuma struck some pose he'd made up on the spot. "This?"

"Not bad. But it's way too symmetrical. Asymmetry implies unbalance, and thus chaos. And you're bending too low, it makes you look submissive. To look aggressive, you need to stand as tall as possible,"
"Wow, you know a lot about this…" Kazuma scratched the back of his head. "I think the others should learn cool poses like that too!"

"I'm glad you've finally seen the light!" she smiled warmly. "But, I don't think they'd be into it…"

"Well, we need to build some teamwork in this party, and practicing team poses and theme songs sound like a great idea!" he said. "I'll talk to the others about it."

Flashback over.

"Why would you do that?" said Chris. "I wouldn't be caught dead doing those weird Crimson Demon poses."

"I was a chuuni when I was younger, so it's not that uncomfortable for me. Besides…" Kazuma cleared his throat. "It's really cool."

"Seriously? Why would you be concerned with that?"

"Don't ask things like that!" Kazuma blushed. "I'm… not quite ready to grow up yet."

"Uh-huh," said Chris. "What about the Explosions?"

"Oh yeah, that."

Flashback yet again.

"Tougher than a mountain and stronger than the earth!" Darkness posed with her sword. "Darkness, and Indestructible!"

"The ocean rages against the enemy, and supports her most trusted friends!" Aqua twirled her staff before winking cutely. "Aqua, goddess of water!"

"Cloaked in shadow, the odds always fall in my favor!" Chris straight up did a super-sentai impression. "Chris, the thief of fortune!"

"Burning brightly, the crimson fire in my soul will incinerate all who oppose me!" Megumin made signs of the horns with her hands and pointed one upwards and the other down. "Megumin, mistress of Explosions!"

"With the tools to win any fight, and the leader of this powerful squad!" Kazuma flicked out his cape. "Kazuma, the Jack of Spades!"

"And together we are…"

"TEAM KONOSUBA!"
Five colored Explosions flew up behind the five of them, as they held their poses.

Megumin let out a sigh.

"Good work, guys!" she said. "We'll use that for now, until we finish our theme song!"

"That was actually kind of fun," said Darkness. "I've always dreamed of posing intimidatingly with a sword..."

"What's with those Explosions?" said Chris. "Where the heck did they come from?"

"Oh, that's my new skill!" said Megumin.

"Eh?" said Darkness. "I thought you only knew Explosion magic."

"It is Explosion magic! It's a sub-spell of the Explosion family, created by an ancient master of Explosions from a long past era! It's named: Killer Queen!∫"

Flashback pause

"A Jojo reference? A mother freaking Jojo reference? That's how you bought her off?" said Chris.

"If there's one thing that all chuunis have in common, it's Jojo," said Kazuma. "And it turns out this world's broken game balance works both ways. The adventurer is the only class capable of creating new skills. I just made one based on something from my old country and made up a story about a magic queen. Took a heck of a lot of skill points, but it was worth it."

"I see…" said Chris.

Resume flashback.

"Killer Queen's ability..." Megumin picked a stone off the ground. "Is that I can turn anything I touch into a bomb! Even this pebble."

Megumin hurled the tiny rock into a nearby cave.

"Killer Queen, bomb type one! Switch, on!" Megumin pressed her thumb to her index finger as if pressing the trigger on a remote detonating. At once, a loud explosion went off in said cave.

"Woah!" Chris' eyes widened.

"And the best part is, I can add a portion of the mana spent to my next Explosion, so every time I use this skill, I can power up my ultimate spell!" Megumin tilted her hat forward. "Also, I have named this ability bomb type one, for I imagine I will come up with new forms that Killer Queen can take!"

Flashback end, I swear this is the last time.

"She won't," said Kazuma. "That skill only has the basic bomb transmutation. She's not reversing time anytime soon." he laughed. "And that's it! Wait a minute, how do you know what Jojo is?"

"It's a secret!" Chris said quickly.

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said Elizabeth.

Kazuma happily sighed and leaned back.

"Well, I did it. I figured out how to make my party powerful! Not only that, but I've also got a sweet mansion, a real maid, and plenty of cash. I'll pay off my debt in no time!"

"EMERGENCY QUEST, EMERGENCY QUEST!"

"Gah!" Kazuma fell off the couch. "Where the heck did that even come from?"

"Axel's guild has a really good loudspeaker system, master Kazuma," said Elizabeth.

"Seriously?" said Kazuma. "Alright, let's go see…"

In the garden...

"KAZUMA!" Aqua came running out of the house, followed by the rest of the group. "The Mobile Fortress Destroyer is here!"

"That what-now?"

"The Destroyer!" said Megumin. "It's a huge walking fortress of doom! The town's going to be flattened!"

"It's also strangely popular with children." Darkness added. "They're probably going to put together a strike force at the guild…"

"Forget the guild!" said Aqua. "Let's boot it and bail! Come on Anna!"

"Huh?" Anna panicked and eyed the gate. "But I can't leave the mansion!"

"Yes, you can!" Aqua grabbed the little girl and ran down to the gate. However, she found some kind of invisible barrier that prevented Anna from going through.

"Eh?" she said. "Oh come on! What do we do now?"

"We can't just leave her here!" said Megumin. "If her grave is destroyed, she'll turn into a restless spirit and probably haunt this place for all eternity or something!"

"No! Anything but that! I don't wanna be a restless spirit! Eternity is a really really long time!" Anna hugged Aqua's thigh, on the verge of tears. "Please not that!"

Kazuma winced. Aw crud, why did my paternal instincts show up now of all times?

"Alright, then it's decided. For the sake of our friend, and because we went through a heck of a lot of trouble to get this house, we're destroying the Destroyer!"

Later, at the guild.

"Thank you all for coming!" said Luna. "As you have already heard, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer is heading towards us. This ancient weapon has destroyed countless cities, and no known tactics have worked on it before. So, does anyone have any idea on how to defeat it?"

"AOE spells?"

"Anti-magic barrier."

"Siege weapons?"

"Anti-Air lasers."

"Golems?"

"Cannons."

"Zerg it?"

"Too much AOE."

Hundreds of ideas were tossed about, each one shot down by a quick argument. The fortress boasted layer upon layer of powerful defenses and weapons, each more deadly than the last. Kazuma wracked his brain, drawing upon the very depths of his intelligence to think of a plan. Just then, his eyes wandered to Aqua.

"Hey… Aqua? You know your Sacred Break Spell?"

"Yeah, what about it?" she said.

"Do you think you could use it to destroy the barrier? I mean, if a goddess like you can't do it, who can?"

"I guess…" Aqua tapped her chin. Luna gasped.

"You mean you can destroy the barrier?"

"Well, I might but my powers are…"

"Can you at least try?" Luna leaned in surprisingly close.

"I… guess…" Aqua looked away.

"Even if we get rid of the barrier, its armor is too strong for standard spells. Only really high-level magic can dent it!" said another person.

"We'd need to hit two specific spots, to take out the legs. After that, we can raid the inside and take out whatever's controlling it," said Luna. "Does anyone here have really good accuracy and high-level spells?"

"Are you kidding?" said a random spellcaster. "It's hard enough to aim in the general area of Advanced Magic! And you want someone to hit a space smaller than two meters? It's suicide!"

"Not unless we had an archer mark the spots," Keith spoke up. "Using flares, we can pinpoint the spots where the spells could land. I have enough accuracy to hit it."

"But it'd be a fast-moving target!" said Rin. "You couldn't hit it unless you could somehow stop time or something."

"I believe that's my queue." said someone in the back. The crowd parted and gasped.

"BELDIA?" said everyone.

"I thought he was dead!" said a random woman.

"The archpriest Aqua is very merciful, she spared my life in return for my loyalty." Beldia stepped in front of Luna and kneeled like the honorable knight he once was. "I have left the Devil King's army, and am now living a calm life in an item shop. I know I once sought to destroy this town, but I assure you that was not with my full fury. It would be my honor to repay my debt to this town by helping save it. The World is the perfect skill to line up the shot, and I can use my Shared Sight skill to use it on the archer. I could even use it with a glider if he needs to get closer. Please, my lady. Give me this chance, and I will not disappoint you."

"Merciful my ass! If you take one more step…" Kazuma covered Aqua's mouth.

Luna blushed for a moment and cleared her throat.

"I… suppose that could work. All that leaves is the powerful spell. We need two casters, one for each side of the Destroyer. They'll take out the legs, rendering the fortress immobile."

"Hey, how about the crazy girl?"

"Oh yeah, that nutsy Explosion-loli."

"That super-mega-death chick could totally blow it up!"

"Eh?" said Megumin.

"Hey, if you're going to refer to her, use her real name! Megumin!" Beldia called out.

"Well if that's the case, we need one more," said Luna. Immediately, Wiz, who was also in the crowd, raised her hand.

"I can do that! I can even cast Explosion!" she said.

"Hey, it's the dirt-poor Ice Witch!"

"The shopkeeper's here!"

"Alright, now we're talking!"

"Eh?" said Kazuma. Dust whispered in his ear.

"Wiz runs the item shop nearby. A lot of adventurers stop by cause she's so cute. Also, she used to be a super-powerful archwizard, and she's really nice!"

"I see…" said Kazuma.

"One last thing!" Luna announced. "There are many ways this can go wrong, so we need someone to coordinate this plan and take control if things get nasty. We need the best tactician this guild can offer."

A tactician, huh? I didn't know this guild had those. Then again, they never really mention tacticians in anime, they just sorta hang out in the back and sometimes argue with the protagonist on the frontline. I suppose there are a few really smart people around who organize events like this. Sorta like raid and guild leaders back in my old world. Come to think of it, I saw a few requests for tacticians on the board, so I guess they've always been here. They must be like super-min-max optimizers who obsess over details and make crazy plans… wait… why is everyone looking at me?

"Is there someone behind me?" said Kazuma.

Beldia walked up to him.

"Kazuma, you are by far the first adventurer to defeat a Devil King general in many years. If there is a more suitable person for the job, I don't know who they are!"

"Yeah, Kazuma is totally the right guy!"

"Did you see how he took out the alligators! It was awesome!"

"That guy's a genius! There's no one else who can do it like him!"

Woah… is this what it feels like to be a hero? It's really nice…

"Alright, I'll do it!" Kazuma confidently grinned. "For the town of Axel!"

"Then let us begin!" Luna raised her hands to the air and pirouetted "I hereby dub this emergency quest: Protect the city from the Mobile Fortress Destroyer!" She gave a tacky pose resembling a determined queen, to which everyone gave her a few strange looks.

"That's not bad!" said Beldia. "Call me up and I'll give you some tips on posing. Uh, if you want of course." He turned away and shuddered.

Wait… is he flustered?

Soon, they began to put together their plans and preparations. Megumin, Aqua, Wiz, Keith, and Beldia stationed themselves on various parts of the city walls. Other adventurers took spots as well, be it laying traps, summoning golems, or simply waiting with a weapon. Kazuma had equipped some of the archers with ropes to board the fortress. As he did one last loop around to make sure everything was in place, he noticed Darkness and Chris having a conversation in front of the barricade. Assuming Chris would be able to handle it, Kazuma left them.

"Are you ready, Megumin?" said Kazuma.

"O-o-of course!" Megumin shuddered. "I can absolutely defeat Destroyer! W-w-with my Explosion magic! And if that fails, I can still use Killer Queen!"

"Calm down. Just focus on the goal." Kazuma said. He noticed Yuki floating above the barricade. Huh? What's she up to?

Aqua took a mana potion out of her bag and poured it onto the snow sprite. Yuki shuddered and glowed extremely bright for a few seconds. Far brighter than the last she fed her.

Jeez! How many of those potions has she had?

"That's a good little snow sprite!" Aqua petted the creature. "Now, are you ready?"

Yuki nodded.

"Good!"

"What exactly are you two doing?" asked Wiz.

"Yuki's been practicing her ice magic, so she put out small fires!" Aqua smiled.

"That sounds wonderful!" Wiz smiled.

"I didn't ask for your opinion." Aqua glared at her.

"Here it comes!" Kazuma yelled out through his megaphone. "Everybody, prepare for battle!"

The hulking metal monster sauntered forward. Aqua twirled her staff and held it aloft.

"On my mark Aqua!" said Kazuma. "Wait for it…"

"God Blessing!" Chris lightly tapped Aqua on the shoulder.

"Eh?" she said.

"Nothing!"

"Fire!"

Aqua snapped her attention back to the Destroyer.

"Sacred Beak Spell!" Aqua launched a volley of white spheres at the machine, causing something around it like a cloak to shatter like glass.

"Dust, light the flares! Keith, jump on my mark. Beldia, ready your skill!"

"On it!" All three of them said at once. Dust loaded two pink burning sticks into Keith's quiver.

"We've only got two shots, so make them count!" he said. Keith nodded.

"Should I fail…" he said. "Just know this. You were a great leader."

"Keith…" Dust looked like he was going to say something when Kazuma yelled "Mark!

Beldia tossed his head to Keith, who leaped off the wall on a hang-glider-like apparatus.

"Beldia, bring on The World!" Kazuma yelled.

"Right!" Keith hurled the helmet ahead of him, Beldia freezing in mid-air facing the Destroyer.

"Shared sight!"

In a quick flurry of movement, Keith shot two burning flares right on the joints of the Destroyer's front legs.

"Hit!" Kazuma announced. "Keith, land near the barricade! And somebody catch Beldia!"

"Wait, what?" said Beldia. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The next thing he knew, he had landed right in Luna's arms.

"Eh?"

"Erm… hi," she said. "I think it worked! Thank you so very much!"

"I'm very much flattered," he chuckled. "You know, you remind me of the queen I used to serve…"

"Really? Tell me more!"

Kazuma glanced through a pair of binoculars. Darn, it's moving incredibly fast! Even if we immobilized it, the momentum might make it crash into the wall!"

"Megumin, Wiz begin charging! Mages, alternate fire, and water spells to crack the armor! Earth users, start constructing a temporary hill in the path! Wind, slow down the momentum as best you can!"

At once, every single spellcaster rushed to carry out Kazuma's orders.

"Huh, Megumin?" Kazuma noticed Megumin was staring blankly at the Destroyer, shivering whilst clutching her staff. "Hey, I said start charging! Do you really love Explosion magic? Or are you just so weak you can't put a dent in that thing!"

Megumin's eyes lit up and she stopped jittering.

"You should not have said that!" she aimed her wand. "For I am Megumin, the most powerful spellcaster in the entire world!"

"Then prove it!"

"I will!"

She and Wiz summoned two massive magic circles, glowing with fiery energy, as the Destroyer rushed forwards despite the onslaught from the other mages.

"Explosion!"

Two bursts of fire tore right through the Destroyer's legs, reducing it to a rolling ball of clutter. As it surged forwards, its armor began to slowly crack from the endless fire and water spells. With a final crash, it sent the pile of earth flying in every direction, as it halted on the spot.

"Did… did we do it?" said a random guy.

Suddenly four cannons raised on the back of the fortress.

Critical damage sustained. Siege mode activated, directing 37% power to repair. Directing 43% percent to cannons. The remaining power is sent to laser systems.

"Aw crud!" said Kazuma. "It's still working?"

At once, a massive rocket fired out of one of the cannons, exploding into shrapnel upon contact with that wall.

"Woah…" Megumin teetered on Kazuma's back.

"Shoot!" Kazuma pulled out his megaphone. He glanced at the Destroyer. Upon closer inspection, he saw a series of screen-like eyes atop the head. "A-hah! Everyone! Focus on the eyes! Blind it so it can't shoot! Creators and earth mages! See you if you can jam the cannons!"

At once, hordes of adventurers rushed out with their weapons or fired from above. Archers shot ropes to clamber up the surface, mages shot magic at the eyes. Before long, one of the cameras exploded.

Warning. Critical damage to optical sensors sustained. Activating laser defense system.

A red laser shot out of the Destroyer, penetrating a random adventurer through the chest before he fell to the ground.

"Gah!" Kazuma. "Everyone retreat! Get away from the laser!"

Immediately, all of the melee adventurers rushed out to escape its deadly gaze. Thankfully, the ranged ones were doing plenty to destroy the eyes.

Ranged damage detected. Deploying golems.

"I'm back, what did I miss?" said Beldia. "Oh, dear!" he glanced upon the massive robotic creature rising out of the Destroyer. "Don't worry, I can handle this!"

He turned to the slowly growing pile of corpses.

"Rise, Undead Soldiers!"

At once, every single perished adventurer sprung to their knees, their eyes empty and their skin ruined. The Destroyer searched around, looking for a sign of life.

"A-hah! It doesn't target undead!" Kazuma said. "Beldia, you know what to do!"

"Now, I repay my debt!" Beldia tossed his head up. "Come forth, The World!"

In a flash of movements, every single light on the Destroyer's surface was cracked, broken, or smashed.

"Yes, he did it!" Luna cheered.

For now. Probably best to keep quiet about it to make sure we don't set off a death flag.

"Mobile Fortress Destroyer?" said Aqua. "More like belongs in the trash!"

"That's not even clever!" Chris called out.

"Idiots! Don't you realize what you've done?"

Sensors have been destroyed. Deactivating attack golems. Beginning self-destructs sequence. All crew evacuates immediately.

"Damn it Aqua!" he stomped his foot. Yeesh! She might be a good healer but she's still a moron! And I don't think an alcohol bribe will fix that.

"Attention, everyone!" Luna shouted through her megaphone. "The Mobile Fortress Destroyer has begun to self-destruct. The difficulty rank of this event has evolved into Super Emergency Quest!"

"Since when was there a ranking?" said Kazuma.

"From lowest to highest, it's Normal, Advanced, Elite, Emergency, Super Emergency, and Doomsday Emergency."

"Ah, I see." Kazuma rolled his eyes. "Wait, that thing is still gonna blow up!"

"Kazuma, we need a plan, now!" Aqua shook him by the shoulders.

"Gah! Chill out, let me think!"

Darkness apprehensively stared at the Destroyer.

"A bomb strong enough to destroy the entire town…"

"No…" said Chris.

"Standing right in front of me…"

"Stop it."

"It would make perfect sense for a crusader to run and put their life on the line to save the day so…"

"Don't do it!"

"LEEROY JENKINS!" Darkness ran in screaming like a banshee. "I'M GOING IN, KAZUMA!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma… wait, no!" he called out. "Stop!"

"That woman… she intends to destroy it before it blows up!"

"Risking everything… all to save this town!"

"I'm going in too! Can I bear to call myself a man otherwise?"

"Yeah!"

Thus, thousands of male adventurers rushed in with the battlecry "LEEROY, JENKINS!"

"Well would you look at that?" said Kazuma. "I've created a monster."

The adventurers flooded the inside of the Destroyer…

Actually, nothing really interesting happens inside the Destroyer. Long story short, Wiz teleported the explodey thingy out of it and they left. Sorry, no characterization, no cool fights, just a quick teleport. They did fight some golems, but it wasn't particularly cool.

As they left, Megumin blew up one last golem, not even glancing behind her, as she had already touched it.

"Killer Queen has already touched you, golem," she said, making the hand motion. The golem exploded behind her.

"Nice one," said Kazuma. Just then, the massive metal monster began to glow red. Heat started emanating from the metallic surface.

"Gah!" The five of them jumped off before their feet were burned off.

"What the… it looks like the internal heat is escaping!" said WIz.

"What?" said Kazuma. "You mean it's still gonna blow up!"

"It's less dangerous, but it'll set the entire city ablaze!" said Wiz.

"Fire?" said Aqua. She glanced at Yuki. "Hey Kazuma, I could…"

"Not now Aqua!" said Kazuma. "Wait, I got it! I'll use Drain Touch to transfer Wiz's remaining mana to Megumin, then have her use Explosion!"

"But Kazuma, Yuki, and I…"

"Great idea, Kazuma!" said Wiz. "But my undead magic doesn't work too well with humans or Crimson Demons."

"Aqua then!" Kazuma reached for her hand, but she was already in the middle of casting something.

"Sacred Create Water!"

"Gah! What the heck are you doing?" Kazuma's jaw dropped as a torrent of water doused the heat from the Destroyer. "You'll kill us all!"

"Now Yuki, use Blizzard!"

At once, the little snow sprite glowed white, and powerful icy winds flew in from the distances, colliding with Aqua's flood. The winds met the water, creating solid ice wherever they looked. In a matter of minutes, the Destroyer was encased in a massive glacier.

"Uh… what?" Kazuma said. Aqua glanced at him.

"I told you, Yuki's been practicing her ice magic!" She said, petting the aforementioned snow sprite on the head. "Yes, who's a good little snow sprite! I'm so proud of you!"

"But… Snow Sprite blizzards are only a few gusts of chilly wind," said Wiz. "Yuki almost rivaled my own Blizzard spell!"

"Must be something in the mana potions she's been drinking." Megumin tapped her chin. Then she gasped. "Guys! This is the perfect time for our team pose!"

"Oh my gosh, she's right!" said Kazuma. "Alright, let's do this!"

Already a crowd of adventurers had begun to gather around the massive frozen Destroyer.

Darkness began with her pose.

"We bring the mountains to the battlefield, to strike down all that is evil and protect what is good!"

"We support our friends, no matter the challenges we may face!" said Aqua.

"We are beyond the rulings of the masses, and we live on our own accord!" said Chris.

"We have a fiery passion that cannot be doused by anything!" said Megumin.

"And we have the tools to take down any foe, no matter how big or small, for the wind will always blow in our direction!" Kazuma finished, switching poses mid-sentence. "And together we are…"

"Konosuba: Elite Squad of Adventurers!"

Megumin ignited the colored Explosions behind them. At once, the crowd erupted into applause.

"They did it! They're crazy but they did it!"

"I always knew Kazuma was perfect for this job!"

"That girl is super hot!"

"Those Crimson Demons sure know how to put on a show!"

Megumin beamed with pride, her eyes lit up with every shade of red imaginable. Holding her grandest of poses, with the most amazing smile on her face. Kazuma flushed at the beauty that stood before him, which everyone mistook for stage nerves.

"We're famous, enjoy it!" Chris laughed and patted his back.

Soon…

"Thank you, everyone!" Luna announced to the guild. "Thanks to our hard work and determination, we have defeated the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. All of you have received your rewards, except for the MVPs of the battle." She picked up a box of medals. "To Megumin and Wiz, for your exceptional display of magic, I present the Nine-tailed Fox of the Arcane." She placed two medals around the necks of said adventurers. They were silver, displaying the animal on them in beautiful engraved art. "To Darkness, for your unwavering courage and loyalty, I present the Silver-Fanged Wolf of the Brave. To Aqua and Yuki, for your combined efforts and strong wills, I present the Two-Tailed Cat of Passion. To Beldia, the newest member of the guild, I present the Golden Bird of Honor. To Keith, for a shot that may have saved countless lives, I present the Black Bird of Midnight. And finally, to Satou Kazuma." Luna paused extra long for him. "For his wisdom, quick thinking, and leadership, to which none of us would be alive without, I present the Blue Dragon of Intelligence!"

Kazuma had never felt more proud in a single moment, than when Luna placed the medal around his neck. It was a beautiful thing, shining golden light, with a picture of a long coiling dragon, flying over a mountain. He felt a tear run down his cheek, as the guild, no, the entire town clapped for his party. Beldia looked happier than he'd ever been, finally re-accepted into a society he left a long time ago.

"Thank you, everyone!" Kazuma said. "It is with great humility that I accept this award. But really, I owe this to my friends, each and every one of them! It's a pleasure to be your leader."

Another round of applause for his speech.

Beldia spoke next.

"You all must know, that I was knighted by a beautiful queen, whose reign lasted a hundred years. But that feeling pales in comparison, to the honor I have received by being accepted by this guild!"

Luna gave him a flirtatious wink, to which he shuddered once more.

As the applause continued, Kazuma let out a small sigh.

Well, here I am. I was sent to this world with four bizarre party members. I worked hard to go from a stable to a mansion. And I helped defeat some of the greatest foes there are. And it really, really sucked a lot of the time. But you know what? Maybe all that was just trials to help me learn to become a better person. And… maybe my party members mean a bit more to me than just that.

Kazuma glazed at his friends. Darkness was standing proudly, with tears in her eyes like the knight she praised herself for being. Aqua simply smiled at her medal, with Yuki at her side, the two happier than Kazuma had ever seen. Megumin was glowing, literally glowing, with pride, no longer a crazy chuuni girl, but a crazy chuuni girl who saved a town from the Destroyer and was beloved by all. And while Chris didn't have a medal, she clutched the bag of coins she had received to her chest like she did have one.

I have so many amazing friends; they're all special in their own ways. And even more besides them. I know that Anna will run to hug us when we get home. I know Yuki will snuggle into her basket at night. And I know Elizabeth will be happy to receive her pay this Friday.

A fun adventure, with great friends, and a place to call home. What more could I have asked for? God bless this wonderful world.

"Satou Kazuma!" boomed a nearby voice. The crowd parted to reveal a young black-haired woman in a lawyer's outfit. "You are being charged with treason!"

"WHAT?" said the entire guild.

"The coronatite that was teleported at your instruction destroyed a manor belonging to Lord Alderp. Thus, you are charged with subversion to the state. You are coming with me! Along with the dullahan!"

Chapter Text

"You are coming with me!" said the woman. They didn't know at the time, but her name was Sena.

"What, are you insane?" said Megumin. "I must inform you, that Kazuma is the least likely person to be a terrorist, or in line with the Devil King! He only commits minor acts of sexual assault!"

"Wait, what?"

"She's right!" Luna spoke up. "And Beldia risked his life to save the town and defeat the Destroyer! They've got the medals to prove it!"

"This is an abuse of state power!" said a random guy. The entire guild nodded and murmured in agreement.

"It would seem that the people have…" Darkness was about to speak, but Sena interrupted.

"Be aware that Kazuma and Beldia are not the only possible suspects. If anyone wishes to join them in jail, be my guest!"

Literally everyone stopped and shuffled away.

"Gah! What?" said Beldia. "Nothing?"

"Uh…" Aqua tapped her foot. "If I recall correctly, Kazuma said, and I quote 'Don't worry, I'll take responsibility for what happens. I have high luck after all.'"

"Aqua!" said Kazuma.

"Um…" Megumin covered her face with her hat. "I… er… if… uh…."

Darkness spoke up.

"If that is the case, then I fully agree with Kazuma's stance! Please chain me up and tie me to a table!"

"Come on guys!" said Beldia. "Look, ask the guild! They'll agree with us!"

Silence.

Aqua cleared her throat.

"I would also like to say that Beldia is a disgusting, smelly, low-life, perverted, childish, unintelligent, despicable, evil, monstrous, horrific, and utterly worthless piece of undead garbage that should be burned!"

"Oh come on, name one person that can second that!" said Beldia.

"Seconded!" Chris raised her hand.

"Okay, I walked right into that one…" Beldia desperately turned to the guild employee. "Luna, you understand, right?"

"Um…" Luna's eyes darted about and she began to blush. "I… er… if… uh…" she slapped a hand over her mouth.

"If there are no further statements, you two are coming with me!" said Sena.

Much, much later.

"I don't believe it." said Kazuma. "I can't believe our friends would just abandon us like that!"

A solemn sigh escaped Beldia's mouth as he gazed at the floor.

"Something I learned a long time ago, which I think you best learn quickly, Kazuma. When push comes to shove, true friends shine through, while false love crumbles like sand."

"That would've been a much better line if you weren't danging above me like a lamp."

As of now, the dullahan's head was suspended above Kazuma by a chain, whilst his body was tied up on all four limbs. A small wet drop fell from the helmet.

"Hey… does this have anything to do with Luna?"

"Eh? What are you talking about?" said Beldia. "I-I-I have no idea what you're talking about me and Luna! It's not like… she's the kind of person you only see once every thousand years and I can prove that because I once met another person like her…" he stopped himself. "I've said too much…"

"Hey, I never once made a move on a girl, Kudos to you for trying," Kazuma chuckled.

A little bit earlier…

"Alright, we're going to get Kazuma!" said Aqua. Luna sighed, her head slumped on the counter.

"What have I done? I'm a terrible person!"

"We all regret it, Luna." said Megumin. "So much…"

"What? You guys shouldn't feel bad! This was all part of my plan! We're going to that cell and busting him out!" Aqua proudly announced.

"Does… does that mean you'll get Beldia too?" said Luna.

"I mean, I'd really rather not…" said Chris, but the guild employee dove to her knees.

"Please do it! You have to! You're my only hope of ever seeing him again! Oh, he probably hates me so much… what's wrong with you, Luna? The second a decent guy shows up you leave him to the hungry jaws of the legal system!" Tears streamed from the woman's eyes. Then she blinked. "Wait, that's it! I'll write him a letter!"

She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and got to work.

"Well, that was fast." said Chris.

"Her falling head over heels, or her emotional state changing?" said Megumin.

"I was going to say the first one, but I realize it's more both."

"I see…" said Aqua. "Alright, let's start things off with a Kazuma idea! Kazuma!"

"No, I'm Megumin," Megumin batted Aqua's hand away from her face.

"Oh right! Okay, who has any ideas?"

"Explosion!"

"Big, hard and throbbing!"

"Money!"

"Those are all good ideas!" said Aqua. "Let's do 'em!"

A moment of silence filled the room as nobody objected to Aqua's bizarre statement.

"I really miss Kazuma's sensible yet unusual comments…" said Megumin.

A little bit later…

"Kazuma!" Aqua shouted through the bars.

Kazuma and Beldia yelped awake.

"Aqua?" he said. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm breaking you out!" she said. "Oh, and Beldia too. Unfortunately…"

"Well, I'm flattered." said Kazuma. "But… how are you gonna do that? Also, great job abandoning me when I needed you the most back there…"

"What? You think I'd actually leave one of my best friends to the hungry jaws of the legal system?"

"Did you steal that line from Luna?" said Beldia.

"No!" said Aqua. "Anyways, this was all part of my plan. The less people get arrested, the more people break them out! Clever right? Me, Darkness, Megumin, Chris, the whole gang's come to help you guys! Even Luna wrote you a letter, Beldia!"

"WHAT?" he exclaimed, his eyes glowing extremely bright. "Please tell me, what does it say? As you can see, I cannot read it from this angle!"

"What happened to crumbling like sand?" said Kazuma. "And that stuff about false love."

"Hmm…" Aqua tapped her chin. "I think I'd rather focus on the breakout. Here's a lockpick! Megumin has caused a distraction, and Darkness and Chris are helping her!

Aqua tossed a small lockpick at Kazuma.

"What?" said Beldia. "It's a combination lock! It won't work!"

"Darn it!" said Aqua. "Oh well, time for plan B."

She pulled out a hacksaw.

"We'll cut through the bars with this!"

"Wait, don't…" Beldia was about to say, when Aqua put the blade to the bars and a bolt of lightning ran straight down her skin.

"GAAAAAAAH!" she screamed.

"Huh, well would you look at that." said Kazuma. "Electric beats water."

"Okay, let me think…" said Aqua.

"Could you perhaps read the letter now? I really want to know if I still have a chance…"

"Oh, I got it!" she snapped her fingers. "You could just use your Shadowstep!"

"You don't think I've already tried that? The bars are magically reinforced! I can't Shadowstep through them!"

"Hmm…" Aqua thought for a moment. "Ack! The guards are coming! See you later!" she dashed off.

"Wait!" said Beldia, frantically shaking the chain. "What about the letter?"

"Guess I'll sleep." said Kazuma, as Beldia swung about in panic.

The next day…

"It didn't work." said Aqua. "Turns out the bars have a magic enchantment on them. And I couldn't dispel it because it's a material barrier."

"How did Beldia react to my letter?" said Luna.

"Huh, that?" Aqua tapped her chin. "Oh yeah. Don't bother. It's not happening."

"Oh, so he really feels that way…" Her face fell, her head dropping onto the counter in despair. "I had a chance to have a great relationship and I totally blew it… I'm a terrible person."

"Seriously, is nobody pacing this?" said Chris. "They met like, yesterday!"

"Does it matter?" said Megumin. "When it comes to falling in love with someone, it doesn't matter how long you've known them."

"I'm sorry, do Crimson Demons only exist in fairy tales?" said Chris. "Cause that sounds like some nonsense from a bad romance novel!"

"Alright, I have a new plan!" said Darkness. "We'll do the same as before, except Aqua and I will swap places. I'll break out Kazuma using a battering ram!"

"Battering ram?" said Chris. "Where are you gonna get that?"

"It's in the back room," said Luna. "If it's to help Beldia, you can use it free of charge."

"Sweet!" said Chris. "Free stuff!"

That evening.

Kazuma awoke to the loud sound of

"KAZUMA! GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!" In Darkness' voice.

"Gah!" Kazuma shot awake. At once, there was a loud thud.

"Owie…" said Darkness. "I was trying to bring the wall down using Charge and the guild's battering ram but… it didn't work."

"You got the Charge skill?" Kazuma said incredulously.

"Well, I had to try something to save you!" said Darkness. "Also… diving into a group of monsters, only to be ravaged no matter how much I resist… sounded really appealing… nngh! The thought of it makes my spine tingle!"

"And there it is." said Beldia. "The masochist. By the way, did you perhaps bring Luna's letter? I would do anything right now to put my aching heart at ease… even if it's not beating…"

"Sure," Darkness pulled a piece of paper out of her armor. "A-hem… oh, she crossed out most of it. I think she was really stressed, given her handwriting…"

"Hey, what's going on here?" said a voice in the distance.

"Oh, it's the guard!" said Darkness. "See you!"

"Wait, can't you just throw…" but Darkness was already gone.

The very next night.

Kazuma awoke to the sound of

"EXPLOSION!"

"I recognize that shockwave!" said Kazuma. "It's Megumin! She should be able to break us out with Killer Queen!"

"That's a pretty cool name. Where does it come from?" said Beldia. "Also, I think spending three days in my current predicament has caused considerable damage to my ability to perceive gravity and use my body. I probably won't be able to walk for weeks after this."

"Kazuma!" said Megumin, her glowing face appearing at the window. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry I didn't do anything but Aqua…"

"Yeah, I know about her plan." Kazuma chuckled. "So, can you use Killer Queen to get me out of here? And as a matter of fact, how are you walking after casting Explosion?"

"Aqua let me borrow Yuki's supply of mana potions! They're surprisingly tasty. Now behold!" Megumin pulled out a piece of rope and tied it to the bars. "Killer Queen, bomb type one!"

She tapped her thumb to her index finger, before the rope exploded in a mighty burst of fire and sound. Kazuma was blasted into the other end of the cell, while Beldia uncontrollably swang about on his chain. When the fire cleared, however, the bars were still there.

"What?" Megumin was utterly shocked at the obnoxiously durable prison bars. "Killer Queen has no weaknesses!"

"I think that's Sheer Heart Attack... Aw crap!" Kazuma covered his mouth, but Megumin was already lighting up.

"Sheer Heart Attack? That sounds awesome! Please tell me what it is!"

"Yes, that does sound incredibly cool!" said Beldia.

Even he's siding with her? Darn, gotta think fast!

"Uh… it's a small thing that follows the warmest thing around it… usually a person. And then it explodes. It was actually part of the Killer Queen legend, said to have no weaknesses, but I assure you that part is just a legend! Just like Bites the Dust and Stray Cat… Aw double crap!"

What is wrong with you?

"Are those also part of Killer Queen?" said Megumin.

"Well… Bites the Dust is probably the most insane… it's a bomb she would stick onto another person, and if anyone talks to that person about a specific topic, they would explode and time would rewind to one hour before. And even if they didn't talk to the target, they still would explode and time wouldn't rewind again until someone else exploded… and Stray Cat is just a bubble thing. The queen used them to make ariel bombs though. I doubt the skill can actually do that…"

"I see…" Megumin tapped her chin. "Well, I should probably give you this letter from Luna…"

"Hey, what's going on there?"

"Aw crap, gotta go!" Megumin ran away.

"Wait, don't…" Beldia called after her, but she was already out of earshot. "This is worse than death… and I've experienced death..." He glanced at Kazuma. "By the way, what was all that about rewinding time and bubbles?"

"Ignore it. It's just a dumb story from my old country. Megumin has a skill that resembles one of the main villain's powers, but none of that other stuff. It's totally bizarre… good thing I never told her about The World."

"Eh? I'm pretty sure she knows about my skill… unless… this is also a story from your old country?! You must tell me more about that version of The World!"

TRIPLE CRAP! STRIKE THREE, YOU'RE OUT! NEXT UP TO THE PLATE: SLEEP!

Kazuma went back to bed.

A couple of days later…

Despite his friends' best efforts, the day of the trial arrived. Kazuma was chained up in front of the gallow, the rope that would hang him if he was convicted.

"All rise, for the honorable judge Konootokowa Kankeiarimasen." said a random person. The judge stepped up to his seat, and banged his gavel once.

"You may be seated." he said. "Now, I must inform all of you that this hearing is under lie-detection magic. Any lies spoken will activate the bell in front of me." he indicated to the small bell on his desk "Prosecutor Sena, you may present your opening statement."

"Thank you, your honor." Sena stood up and read aloud from a piece of paper. "Kazuma Satou is being charged with sedition, after a piece of coronatite teleported at his instruction, destroyed the manor of Lord Alderp. Thus, he is suspected of being in alliance with terrorists or the Devil King."

"I see." said the judge. "Lord Alderp, do you have anything to say about this?"

Alderp was a very large and round man, with blonde hair and similarly colored mustache.

"Yes, it's a real shame. That was my spare mansion. Granted, I have been looking into building a new one, but it's still a miracle no one was harmed."

"Understood." said the judge. "Sena, what evidence do you have for this case?"

"I call Chris to the stand."

"Huh?" said Chris, who was sitting with Megumin, Darkness, and Aqua. "Me?"

"You will do as the prosecutor says, madam." said the judge.

"Okay…" Chris said, walking over to the witness area. "But I assure you, I've done nothing important! I'm just a completely normal thief who is a one-hundred percent normal girl with no abnormal powers or traits whatsoever!"

Ding

"Let the record show that Chris' statement about herself is false."

"Oh…" Chris cleared her throat.

"Chris, is it true that the defendant used the Steal skill to remove your light-blue frilly underwear in public?"

"Uh.. yes?" Chris replied. "But…"

"As you can see, the defendant is clearly a delinquent in nature!" Sena announced. "Thus, his sedition is heavily implied!"

"HOLD IT!" Megumin stood up.

"Hey! I wanted to say that…" Aqua whined.

"This evidence is nowhere near enough to convict the defendant! And even so, the Steal Skill is completely random in what the user receives. In that incident, the loot simply happened to be the panties! So TAKE THAT!"

"I wanted to say that too!"

"I see…" said Sena. "However, I would propose that Kazuma has a unique Steal that only works on female underwear! Thus, I suggest we have the defendant use said skill once more!"

"OBJECTION!" said Aqua. "There is a glaring contradiction with the evidence!"

"HOLD IT, Aqua!" said Darkness. "Do you even know what you just said?"

"Of course I do! I heard that line from a game, and it's really cool!"

"OBJECTION!" said Sena. "This is irrelevant! Also, I would like to request that be removed from the court records!"

"Noted," said the judge. "So, defendant, I demand that you use your Steal skill on Chris once more."

"Okay…" said Kazuma. He threw his hand out towards Chris. "Steal!"

He closed his eyes and prayed for the proper outcome…

He winked open and gasped at what was in his hand.

"Is that… a pad?" said the judge.

"TAKE THAT!" said Megumin. "This is proof that Kazuma did not intentionally steal panties from the witness!"

"HOLD IT!" said Aqua "I know that kind of pad! It's the same type that Eris uses to pad her bra!"

"Let the record show that Eris pads her chest, in addition to Chris!" said the judge.

"OBJECTION!" said Chris. "I would actually prefer that be removed…"

"Overruled." The judge banged his gavel. "I would ask for a cross-examination, but that does not seem to be needed."

"That will be all, Chris." said Sena. Chris blushed and walked back to her friends.

"Nice going, Megumin!" said Kazuma. "You really saved my ass there!"

"Really? Thanks…" Megumin blushed and turned away.

"Order in the court!" said the judge. "Defense, now it is your turn."

"Gladly." Darkness stepped forward. "There is no way that the defendant is in alliance with the Devil King at all! For my evidence, I call Beldia the Dullahan to the stand."

"OBJECTION!" said Sena. "You can't call an actual Devil King General as your witness!"

"HOLD IT!" said Beldia. "I'm not a Devil King General anymore, ask anyone!"

Is… is this some kind of reference? I feel like there's a lot more shouting going on than normal court proceedings…

"Order!" The judge announced. "It seems the validity of this witness is solely dependent on whether he is or is not a Devil King General."

Kazuma perked up.

Thank heavens! If this the case, he'll abjorn the court until they get some new evidence!"

"The court will proceed. Prosection, will you make another opening statement for him?"

WHAT? What is wrong with this world's legal system? It's even worse than my own world! Well, maybe not that bad…

"Gladly," said Sena. "Your honor, Beldia is a god damn dullahan!"

"HOLD IT!" said Aqua. "The prosecution has said my name in vain!"

"OBJECTION!" said Sena. "That's absolutely nonsense!"

"Sustained." said the judge.

"As I was saying, dullahans are riders of death who curse all those who wander into the forest to die within one week! They carry a whip made from a human spine, and ride about in a spectral chariot!" said Sena.

"OBJECTION!" said Beldia. "That statement is clearly based on a children's ghost story! I don't possess any human spines, nor do I actually use my chariot! Also, I don't curse people anymore, and I've served through hard work and dedication!"

"Sustained." said the judge. "Sena, I would prefer if you were to keep things professional."

"Of course, your honor." Sena cleared her throat. "Now, my next point is…"

"OBJECTION!" said Aqua. "Leading the witness!"

"I bet you don't even know what that means!' said Chris

"SHUT UP!" said Megumin. "Ahem. If I may continue, it is the current opinion of the town of Axel that Beldia should no longer be considered a Devil King General. To prove my point, I call adventurer Dust to the stand."

Dust nodded and stepped up to the witness area.

"Dust, would you agree that Beldia risked his life to defeat the Destroyer?"

"Yes," said Dust. "My friend Keith used Beldia's head to spot the weak spot in the armor so he could mark them."

"And would you agree that this act was entirely selfless on Beldia's part."

"Oh, absolutely!" said Dust. "Luna didn't even offer him anything, he just stepped up and offered his help. If that's not selfless, I don't know what is!"

"I would like for the guild to confirm that it does not see Beldia as a threat." said the judge.

"All those who are in favor of his redemption, raise your hand!" said Megumin to the large crowd. Nearly every single person raised their hand.

"I see…" said the judge, rubbing his chin. "Prosecution, do you have anything to say about this?"

"Yes, your honor. There is another matter that must be addressed." Sena glared at Beldia. "About 50 years ago, Beldia murdered a party of four adventurers without reason."

"OBJECTION!" said Wiz, who had somehow appeared on the defense panel. "There is evidence that contradicts that statement."

"And, pray tell, what might that be?"

"Me!" Wiz pulled out her adventurer card. "I was one of the four adventurers Beldia was accused of killing, and as you can see, I'm alive and well, and my friends all died from natural causes! TAKE THAT!"

"OBJECTION!" said Sena. "There is a contradiction with this evidence!"

"Fufufu," Megumin struck a pose for some reason. "And what, pray tell, might that be? What conceivable issue is there with my unstoppable thesis!"

"It's quite simple. Her age!"

"What?" Wiz blushed. "Uh, that's a little personal…"

"This woman is clearly younger than sixty, yet she claims to be at least a hundred years old? That's preposterous!"

"OBJECTION!" said Megumin. "The prosecution is making claims based on appearance alone!"

"I see…" said the judge. "Then the rational thing to do is to perform a deep medical examination of Miss Wiz!"

"Wait, what?"

At once, six disheveled men ran and all grabbed Wiz.

"The examination will begin at once!" they all shouted in unison, eyeing Wiz with hungry eyes.

"Hey, this seems a little… AGH!" Wiz screamed as she was carried away.

"The trial will resume in thirty to forty minutes," said the judge.

"HOLD IT!" said Darkness. "I move that I also receive a medical examination!"

"Overruled." said the judge.

Thirty to forty minutes later…

The men returned and dropped Wiz back into her seat. Her clothes were messed up, her hair was ruined, and there was an empty look in her eyes.

"That was harrowing… I don't even know if I should be scared or violated… both actually."

"That's the middle ages for you…" Kazuma murmured.

"The results have come in." said the judge. "Madam Wiz, is, in fact, 157 years old. The time matches up and the witness' testimony is valid."

"The prosecution rests its case." Sena sighed in defeat.

"If that's the case, then I can safely say that Beldia's testimony is in fact valid." said the judge.

Wait, if the lie detector is working, why did they need to do that to Wiz?

Kazuma noticed one of the medical workers staring at Wiz with a predatory glare.

Well would you look at that. This world is full of perverts.

"Well, that's great news!" Beldia laughed. "And I can assure you Kazuma has nothing to do with the Devil King at all!"

Ding!

"Crap, my phrasing! Let me try again. Kazuma has no alliance with the Devil King whatsoever."

The judge glanced at the bell. It didn't ring at all.

"Nice!" said Chris. "There's no way she'll be able to come up with a way to counter that evidence! It's straight from the horseman's mouth!"

"I see…" the judge said. "Alright, if that will be all, I'm ready to give my verdict…"

"OBJECTION!" Lord Alderp glanced in the judges direction.

"Erm… sustained." The judge lightly tapped his gavel.

"Your honor, that wasn't even…" Sena was about to say, when Alderp glared at her. "...even a question as to whether he should get the death penalty."
"Indeed." The judge banged his gavel one loud time. "I sentence you to death."

WAIT! WHAT. THE. EVER. LOVING. FRICK?

"Your honor, that's insane!" said Chris. "Also, Lord Alderp is using dark magic to…"

"I've heard enough. Executioner!" said the judge.

A masked man stood up from his chair.

OH MY GOD! THIS IS NOT LIKE SKYRIM AT ALL! Wait, why is Megumin suddenly looking so scary? And why is she shuddering so much? And why is she gritting her teeth and slamming her hands down?
"Your honor!" Megumin jumped onto the table with a haunting shade over her face. "I must request that you reconsider your words!" She glared at the judge, as her eyes started glowing a terrifying shade of blood red. "For, I Megumin, have the ability to turn anything I touch into a bomb!"

"Are you making threats?" The judge stood up as well.

"Forget about it! You will release Kazuma at once, or I'm blowing us all to kingdom come!" She raised her fist, her thumb outstretched.

Kazuma wasn't sure what he was more scared of. Megumin in that very moment, or the fact that he was about to die.

"You won't press it!" said the judge.

Megumin promptly pressed her finger. At once, Darkness' chair combusted into fire, the crusader screaming as she was engulfed in flames.

SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY, SHE'S GONE CRAZY! Actually, she probably just did that because Darkness would survive that easily… SHE'S STILL GONE CRAZY.

"How dare you!" said the judge.

"It'll be the executioner next!" she said. "Unless you would request a different target? Go on, send the guards! I can blow them all up with one bomb!"

"HOLD IT!" Darkness stood up. "Megumin, enough!"

"Darkness, how could you?" she angrily yelled into her face. "I have to save Kazuma! No matter…"

Darkness punched Megumin in the stomach, sending the girl flying into a nearby wall.

Huh. I guess endurance sorta translates to punching power…

"Perhaps, this will change your mind!" she pulled an ornate pendant out of her armor. At once, everyone gasped simultaneously.

"It's… it's the Dustiness family crest!" said a random guy

"Yes," Darkness stood proudly. "Darkness is only a nickname. My true identity is Dustiness Ford Lalatina!"

Everyone gasped again. Even Sena and the judge stopped looking so tough.

"You honor, I would like to request that this trial be postponed. In that time, I will prove beyond the shadow of the doubt that Kazuma is not related to the Devil King, a thousand times if I must."

"OBJECTION!" Lord Alderp stood up. "This is…"

"Lord Alderp, I understand you are the victim here!" Darkness said. In that moment, she stood with the strength of a thousand knights rolled into one. "Therefore, you may name any one request from family, and we will oblige that you TAKE THAT!"

"Hmm…" Lord Alderp smirked and chuckled. "Very well then!"

"Then it is settled," said the judge. "Court adjourned!"

He slammed down his gavel. A sense of relaxation fell upon everyone, as they began to celebrate.

'I'm… I'm not gonna die!" Kazuma hooted with joy. "I'm not gonna die! WOOHOO!"

Megumin shook her head off and looked in Kazuma's direction. When the adventurer looked her way, she found herself blushing and bowing as close to the ground as she could.

"Megumin…"

"I'm sorry! They were going to kill you, and I couldn't just let that happen! I got super mad and then I threatened to use the skill you made for me on them! I'm so, so sorry for almost killing you!"

"Hm…" Kazuma rubbed his chin. "Well, the pressing concern is that you seem to be boarding on clinical insanity…"

"Eh?"

"So I guess that makes two of us!" Kazuma laughed. "You are one psycho, Megumin."

"Yeah, I guess…" Megumin blushed a bit and laughed along.

"Also, you knw that I made Killer Queen?" Kazuma's eyes widened.

"You thought I didn't? Most Crimson Demons make up fake backstories for their creations to make them sound cooler." Megumin glanced downwards, blushing a bit. "To be honest, I'm flattered you would go to such lengths to try and understand my culture… and that backstory about the sorceress queen was so amazing… I couldn't help but play along. It's part of who I am, you know?"

"I guess." Kazuma let out a sigh. Phew! Dodged a bullet there! "Well you know, I read a few things about Crimson Demons. You know, like how your eyes glow different shades based on your emotions, and uh…"

"You're totally making this up on the spot." said Chris.

"Am not!"

Ding.

"Crap that thing's still working." Kazuma glanced behind him. Megumin simply giggled.

Darkness let out a sigh as she joined the rest of the group.

"Lord Alderp… requests that I go to visit him so we can discuss further details."

"Eh?" said Kazuma. "You're really okay with that? He was eyeing you all creepy-like!"

"Do not worry, my friends. I will be fine… and besides…" She glanced away, blushing.

"Lemme guess, you like the thought of it?" said Aqua.

"I do not! It's just… the thought of him stripping all of my clothes off is just… nngh!"

"Still, I'm really gonna miss you!" Aqua unexpectedly stood and hugged the crusader.

"Aqua…"

"Listen! No matter what he does, remember that you belong to me! Okay? Don't ever forget that."

"Not in a thousand years." Darkness hugged her back.

Wait… why is Aqua being sentimental all of a sudden?

"I think there's something more pressing at the moment." said Megumin. "Mostly about her LYING to us the whole time!"

"You must understand, my father does not approve of me being a crusader." Darkness sighed. "But, know this, it was an honor being your friend."

Eventually, Darkness left with Lord Alderp. Beldia ran after the person who'd he'd been thinking of for the past few days.

"Luna!" he said.

"Beldia?" she glanced behind him. "Oh, hi."

"You must forgive me, I never got the chance to read your letter." he said. At once, Luna's ears perked up.

"Eh?" she said. "But Aqua said…"

"Aqua said?" Beldia looked like he was raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, that's a good point." she said. She couldn't contain her growing smile. "So… I wanted to say I'm really sorry for what I did. You trusted me and… I betrayed that trust. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me…"

"Oh Luna, I forgave you the moment Aqua told me her plan." said Beldia. "You see..."

"KAZUMA!" Aqua unintentionally interrupted. "Are you impressed by my super-impressive feat of knowledge?"

"No." said Kazuma. "Although, I suppose you get a scrap for trying to break me out."

"Well, we still have to pay for that mansion, according to the judge." said Chris. "So let's go make some more money!"

"Right! Let's go team Konosuba!" Megumin raised her staff. As if on queue, Aqua twirled hers and posed.

"To bring the demons to devastation!" She said.

"Breaking the boundaries, beyond creation!" Kazuma whipped out his sword.

"To chaos and passion, from truth and love!" said Megumin.

"And extend our reach to the stars above!" said Chris.

Silence followed.

"Oh right… we can't do that one without Darkness." said Megumin, "We worked so hard on the rhyming one…"

"Nevermind that, let's just head out of here." said Kazuma.

Back at the mansion.

"Welcome back, Master Kazuma." Elizabeth bowed as he entered.

"Hey Elizabeth." he said. "Oh right you were supposed to get your money last Friday. I'll get it right now…"

Chris entered next.

"Welcome back, Lady Chris."

"DId you keep the garden tended and the shrine clean?"

"Yes, Lady Chris. And welcome back, Lady Aqua."

"Oh right, you!" she said, as Yuki floated in after her. "Go get Yuki's evening potion."

"Yes, Lady Aqua." Elizabeth bowed. "Welcome back, Lady Megumin. Your parents have sent you a letter and a package, would you like me to read it?"

"Mom wrote back already?" said Megumin. "Yes, absolutely!"

Elizabeth took the letter out of the envelope and began to read. Kazuma didn't hear what she said, as he was giving Elizabeth her paycheck, before having a mental breakdown over their financial situation.

"Hey Aqua, I just got an idea." he said. "What if I were to recreate things from my world in this one, and then sell them. That way, we could make some passive income in addition to our quests."

"That's a fantastic idea!" said Aqua. "I'll buy paper and ink tomorrow!"

"Excellent," Kazuma sat down and rang the bell beside the couch. "Elizabeth! Can you get a fire going?"

"Of course, Master Kazuma." said Elizabeth, appearing almost immediately. "Where is Lady Darkness?"

"Oh right, she sorta made a deal with some lord guy and she won't show up for a while. Hey, can you still visit her in her sleep?"

"Of course I can."

"Then I want you to give her an extra-special dream." Kazuma whispered something in her ear. The succubus' ears went red.

"My goodness!" she said. "Are-are you trying to punish her for something? I've had strange BDSM requests in the past, but that's insane!"

"She's Darkness, she'll love it." Kazuma rolled his eyes. "By the way, where's Anna?"

At once, the familiar wooden face popped out of seemingly nowhere and ran up to the three of them.

"Kazuma! Aqua! Chris!" she delightfully embraced each of them. "Where were you? I got so scared!"
"Oh, I'm sorry Anna." Aqua hugged the little girl back "But Kazuma was accused of sedition so we were summoned to a criminal court case, and it's being postponed because Darkness is doing something ambiguous to an individual of questionable ethics."

"I don't understand any of those words." said Anna. "Is Darkness going to be okay?"

"Don't worry, she's still got Indestructible." Chris smiled. "And she'll be back soon."

"Okay…" Anna walked off. "But you have to tell me the whole story at dinner! I heard you defeated the Destroyer thingy! That's so cool!"

"We did have a bit of help." Kazuma got up. Elizabeth had created a decent fire in record time, presumably due to her magic. "But she has a point. Elizabeth, make some sauteed fish and vegetables for dinner."

"Of course, Master Kazuma." Elizabeth walked into the kitchen. Just then, Megumin gasped from the hallway.

"Chomusuke? Mom sent you in a box?"

"Eh?" said Aqua. "What's a Chomusuke?"

"Probably some nonsense Crimson Demon name." said Chris.

Their questions were sooned answered as Megumin walked into the living room carrying a small black cat.

"Is that your cat or something?' said Kazuma.

"Yes, mom just mailed her to me." said Megumin. "But do not worry, she's very tame."

Kazuma reached out to pet her, Chomsuke sweetly laid a paw on his finger.

Well, with all this chaos going on lately, I think we could use the unconditional love of a pet right around now. And besides, we've already got a snow spirit that can make glaciers, so this'll be nice and normal for a change.

"Gya!" said Aqua and Chris. "Did she just breathe fire on me? Why is there a weird creepy demon-like aura surrounding her?"

"It's a secret," said Megumin.

"That makes no sense," said Kazuma. "Wait… Chris says that a lot…"

"That's a secret!" Chris said suddenly.

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!"

A little bit later.

Despite Darkness' absence, the party managed to fall into a relatively normal routine. They went to look for quests in the morning, then either spent the afternoon adventuring or doing other activities. Anna and Elizabeth always stayed in the mansion, sometimes with Yuki or Chomusuke if the party hadn't brought their pets with them. In addition, Megumin and Kazuma went out to practice their Explosions, occasionally dropping by Wiz's shop, where Beldia might've been there if he wasn't spending time with Luna that day. It was a calm, and relaxing schedule that wasn't particularly stressful, save for…

Hang on… wait for it…

Any moment now…

Really? Nothing?

Okay then. Save for the occasional battle with a monster, which Kazuma dispatched with ease thanks to…

"KAZUMA SATOU!"

Ah, right on time Aqua.

Wait, that's not Aqua…

Sena showed up at the mansion one day.

"Sena?" said Kazuma. "What are you doing here? We're working hard to pay off that mansion, I swear!"

"Not that, your actions have been causing problems, and you're going to fix them!"

"Huh?" said Megumin.

"Your party has been reported to have been letting off daily Explosions in various places. This has awoken numerous Giant Toads from hibernation that are now attacking the winter supplies of food. So you and your party better get moving if you're going to clear your name any time soon."

"Seriously?" said Kazuma. Megumin glanced behind her and whistled. He sighed. "Fine, where are they?"

A bit later…

"AAAAAAAAAGH!" Aqua screamed as she dashed away from the toad. "PLEEEEASE DON'T EAT ME AGAIN! KAZUMA!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma"

"WHY AM I BEING CHASED AS WELL?" said Sena. "I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS!"

"Don't worry guys, this is all part of the plan!" Kazuma shouted back from a safe distance. "The giant toads are strangely active…"

"Even in the face of danger, the giant toad pulls unnatural levels of strength from within. We should learn from them, and take note of their persistence." Megumin stared out.

"That would've sounded a lot cooler if you weren't inside that one's mouth." said Kazuma. "Why don't you just use Killer Queen?"

"Because it's actually pretty warm in here." she said. "I'm just going to stay in here for as long as possible. Then I'll use Killer Queen."

"Hah! Sena looks ridiculous!" Chris called out. Kazuma watched her cackle as their former courtroom devil was being chased about by an oversized amphibian.

"Alright, taking aim!" Kazuma drew his new bow. He had unintentionally learned Keith's Archery Skill. Apparently, some Adventurers had the ability to learn skills automatically, which scaled with Luck. And as you recall, he had quite a lot of that.

"Snipe!" he shot an arrow right past Aqua's hair and into the toad's forehead. It froze in place, as if contemplating what to do in that moment. Aqua and Sena seized the opportunity to run back to Kazuma, as Chris ran up to the toad, her dagger at the ready.

"Assassinate!" she jumped and stabbed the toad in the neck. At once, the large animal let out a deep low croak, and fell flat on that ground.

"Nice work, everyone!" Kazuma hi fived Chris and handed a paper scrap to Aqua. "That was some great running, Sena."

"I'm flattered." the prosecutor rolled her eyes. "But that was by far one of the most terrifying things I've ever done, and I'm looking forward to getting back home in front of cozy fire and a decent meal."

"Well, unlike you, we're adventurers!" Chris gave her a patronizing smile. Megumin piped up.

"Look out!"

Kazuma glanced behind him and gasped. Three more toads began to run towards them.

"Oh my gosh!" he said.

"I know what to do!" Aqua opened her bag and Yuki floated out. "Yuki! Blizzard!"

As Yuki charged up, Aqua began casting a spell of her own.

"Create and Control Water!" At once, two massive geysers of water shot out of her hands and into Yuki's icy winds. The water froze into long icicles, at which point Kazuma realized what she was planning.

"Spears of Ice!" Aqua launched a barrage of frozen armaments at the toads…

...which bounced off harmlessly like marbles on a trampoline.

"Eh?" she said. "Why didn't that work?"

"Probably because water isn't very sharp on it's own." Sena glared at her. "The fact that people like you are accused of being associated with the Devil King is somewhat offensive to the Devil King himself."

"Hey! Oh, thanks! Wait, hey!" Aqua wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted.

"They're gaining on us!" said Megumin. "What's the plan, Kazuma?"

"Uh…" Kazuma tapped his chin. He hadn't accounted for multiple toads at once. Thus, he was forced to think of a solution on the spot. "RUN!"

"What?" said Megumin, but the others had already started making a break for it, as the toads hopped after them.

"Is there a way we can slow them down?" said Chris.

"I can't shoot while running!" said Kazuma. "And Yuki's out of mana! By the way, can you teach her some more mana-efficient skills?"

"Right, but can we focus?" Aqua glanced behind her and screamed. "AAAGH! KAZUMA THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER!"

Sena suddenly stopped running and turned around "Hang on, I think I might be able to slow them!"

"What?" said Chris. "You're a lawyer! What are you gonna do, object them into next week?"

"HOLD IT!" Sena shouted at the toads. At once, they skidded to a halt. "Why are these toads warm-blooded, when they are normally cold-blooded?"

"Oh yeah, I was wondering about that…" Kazuma said. "Wait, what are you doing?"

'I rest my case!" Sena turned on her heel and ran after the others. The toads soon came to a realization and continued hopping, but not before the others were able to put some distance between them.

"It's a simple Lawyer skill!" Sena explained without anyone asking. "I can stun an opponent by saying HOLD IT,and then asking them a question. I can then point out a weakness or inconsistency by saying OBJECTION, which stuns them for even longer. Finally, I can reach a conclusion by saying TAKE THAT, which launches them backwards several meters!"

"Why would you need that?" asked Chris.

"It's a necessity for being a lawyer!" said Sena.

"I don't understand!" said Kazuma.

If you don't get it, watch the Ace Attorney anime. Or you could play the games.

"Unforunately, I couldn't use the full combo since they're too dumb!" Sena finished.

"I see…" said Aqua. "That's actually kinda cool!"

"Nevermind that, they're still chasing us!" said Kazuma. Come on Kazuma, think of something! If you don't, you're gonna get eaten!

Suddenly, one of the toads' tongues shot out, wrapping around Sena.

"Ah!" she screamed. "SOMEONE GET THIS THING OFF ME!" she yelled as she pulled into the toads mouth, before a second tongue grabbed Aqua.

"AH! NOT AGAIN!" she called out as she felt two soft lips wrap around her entire body, listening to Sena moan as the frog's mouth smothered her lucious figure, it's tongue digging into her...

Wait, what are you doing? Stop it! Keep it T rated!

Kazuma kept running, while listening to them scream. He saw another toad throw out its tongue, as he braced himself for the end.

"Light of Saber!"

At once, a sharp beam of yellow lightning carved through all three toads. Aqua and Sena were sent flying out of their mouths as they exploded.

"Killer Queen!"

The frog containing Megumin exploded as well, as the wizard was shot out like a cannon.

"Gah!" she yelped. Kazuma quickly ran over and caught her in his arms.

"Yikes, that was a close one!" she said.

"Yeah… maybe next time don't blow up the whole frog. Just bring something to use as a bomb." Kazuma remarked.

"Alright, thank you." She noted her position and blushed. "Um… I've always had a fantasy of being carried like this by a handsome knight… but not like this."

"Eh?" Kazuma blinked. It was then that the fact occurred to him that he was carrying her in princess fashion. Try as he could, he could not repress the blush entering his face.

"Yeah, nice job Kazuma!" Aqua called out. "Couldn't you have caught me instead?"

"Or me." said Sena, wiped the slime off her body. "The fact that you're so eager to use bystanders in your plans…" she noticed the position of Kazuma and Megumin and suddenly changed her tone. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that was your wife."

"SHE'S NOT!"

"I'M NOT!"

"Oh, your girlfriend then?" said Sena.

"ALSO NOT!" they said at the same time.

"By the way…" said Aqua. "Where did that first spell come from?"

"Um… hello?"

Standing just a few meters away, a girl Kazuma had never seen before stood. She wore a black cloak, in addition to a low-cut blouse and a pink miniskirt, and her hair was mid-length. Most notably, however, she had red eyes and pale skin, almost identical to Megumin.

"Hey!" Kazuma hopped to his feet. "Thanks for the save! That was a real close one."

"Oh, thanks…" she said, fidgeting. "Although, it was mostly just because I couldn't let my rival be finished off by a toad. Megumin! It's been a while, and I've been training hard! As you can see, I've improved greatly since our last duel! Now it is the time for the rematch, and you will fulfill the promise you made! After all of that, everything will be settled today!"

She promptly jabbed a finger in the archwizard's direction. Kazuma caught a glint of her eyes glowing slightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to figure out where the plot is going." said Kazuma. "Hey Megumin, you know her?"

"Umm… oh right, her." she remarked. "Hang on, this'll be a second. Kazuma, please recharge my mana."

"Right. Drain touch!" Kazuma spoke. At once, Megumin sprung off his back and stretched out her limbs.

"That's better! Anyways… uh, what was your name again?"

"Oh come on! You're gonna make me do that again?" the other girl blushed and frowned.

"Do what?" said Kazuma.

"Alright, fine!" she said. At once, she struck a pose, albeit far more sloppily than Megumin. "My name is Yunyun! My calling is that of an archwizard, and who will someday lead the Crimson Demon Clan!"

"Oh right." said Megumin. "Kazuma, this is Yunyun, my self-proclaimed rival."

"I-I'm not self-proclaimed! We've been at this for years!"

"She would always challenge me to duels during school. I always won and she would come back again stronger." She smirked. "However, Yunyun has yet to beat me at anything."

"I see…" said Kazuma. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Yunyun!"

""So you do remember… wait… Kazuma was it? You aren't going to laugh at my name or freak out because of my eyes?"

"Nah, I understand what that's like completely." Kazuma chuckled. "I used to have something called a chuuni-phase when I was younger."

"Oh, well it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance! Now Megumin, duel me!"

"No." said Megumin. "It's way too cold out here…"

Kazuma perked up.

"Wait, you won against her even though you only have one spell?" he said incredulously.

"Oh no, we don't have magic duels." Megumin shook her head. "We have a random stranger pick a game or challenge, and we do that."

"Exactly!" said Yunyun. "Since Kazuma is closest, he will decide our duel!"

"I don't see why you can't have a magic duel now." said Kazuma. "Megumin has Killer Queen now."

"Oh right!" she piped up. "Alright Yunyun, since I am particularly bored today, I accept your challenge."

"Wait, really? Fantastic!" she gleefully tried to strike a pose, but for some reason it was more of an awkward fumble of limbs.

"You see, Kazuma, Yunyun has a fatal weakness." Megumin glanced at her companion. "Despite being a Crimson Demon, she has no enjoyment for catchphrases, poses, or melodrama. She doesn't even speak like the average Crimson Demon, and she almost never tries to show off. In other words, she embodies something extraordinarily rare among the clan. Shyness.

"I'm not shy!" Yunyun took a fighting stance.

"Fine fine." Megumin mimicked her. "Kazuma, count us off!"

"Huh? Okay." Kazuma cleared his throat. It was a good thing he had conveniently read the rules of a magic duel beforehand. He walked around the two of them, drawing a circle in the snow. "Prepare the opening spells! Cast in three, two, one, begin!"

"Fireball!" Yunyun tossed a flaming projectile. Megumin ducked and ran around the perimeter.

"Killer Queen!" she launched some of the toad slime on her cape at her opponent, who simply stood there shocked.

"Ew, what is this stuff?"

The slime exploded in her face, sending Yunyun stumbling on her feet. She regained her balanced and matched Megumin footsteps whilst charging another spell.

"So this Killer Queen thing of yours turns things into explosives? Nice trick, but it won't save you! Acid Spray!"

Megumin raised her cape to block the liquid, before she flung off her hat.

"Killer Queen, bomb type 2! Sheer Heart Attack!"

Wait, what?

Chomuske leapt out of Megumin's hat and started running after Yunyun.

"Eh? A cat?" she said. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Not really." Megumin shrugged. Just then, Chomsuke suddenly exploded, sending a massive blast of fire straight at Yunyun, catapulting her out of the circle.

"Break!" Kazuma yelled out. "Yunyun has been forced out of the circle, the winner is Megumin!"

"W-what?" said Yunyun. Chomusuke ran back to her owner, who placed her back into her hat.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get this gunk off me." Megumin remarked. "By the way…" she glanced back at Yunyun and smiled. "I look forward to our next meeting!"

"Huh? Oh right, I will as well!" Yunyun replied. Just then, Kazuma's eyes widened.

"Hold on, where are you staying right now?" said Kazuma.

"Well…" Yunyun cleared her throat. "I'm currently staying at my house back at the village. I'll probably teleport there…"

"And to clarify, you aren't sleeping in an inn because you don't have a party?"

"Well… no." said Yunyun. "I mean, I used to hang out with Funifura and Dodonko, who would always hang out with me while I treated them to lunch…"

"Hold on, enough with that! And furthermore, you're an archwizard and by extension and adventurer?"

"Yes, I do go on quests sometimes." she said. "What do you…"

Kazuma suddenly got an extremely serious expression as he stepped up to Yunyun.

"I'm going to ask you four questions, your answers to which will affect your future greatly. Understand?"

"Huh? Why'd you get so serious all of a sudden…"

"First. Exactly how many spells do you know, and how efficient are you with your mana?"

"Well… I know around fifty or sixty or so spells. And I can cast anywhere between eight and a two-hundred spells a day, depending on…"

"Second. What are your fetishes?"

"What? That's a little personal…"

"That was the correct answer. Third. What is the best thing to do if you're attempting to single out a monster?"

"Well, I would cast a distraction spell, followed by an illusion on any of the others that were watching…" Yunyun recoiled at Kazuma's gaze. "Are you trying to…"

"And the last one. What is your opinion regarding undead?"

"Well, Beldia seemed nice! He even offered to teach me a skill!" she said.

"Good, those were all the correct answers." Kazuma suddenly dropped to his knees in a begging position. "Please, join my party as my second archwizard!"

"Wah? Really? Just like that?" Yunyun's eyes lit with delight. "Yes, of course I will! I'll begin moving my stuff immediately!"

I feel really bad for taking advantage of her loneliness, but I can't pass up a chance for a powerful new party member!

"Eh?" Megumin did a double take. "Why do you need her when you have me? The greatest archwizard…"

"One normal party member. That's all I need."

"Eh?" Yunyun gave him a confused look. "I don't understand."

After that was over, the six of them walked home.

"I must admit, that was actually sort of fun." Sena cleared her throat. "I will be leaving now."

"Okay." said Kazuma. "Everyone else, meet our newest member: Yunyun!"

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you." Yunyun smiled. "Thank you again for letting me join…"

"More like beg you to…" Megumin rolled her eyes.

"First we have our archpriest Aqua." said Kazuma.

"You're a super-powerful wizard, right?" she said. "That'll be great for our party!"

"Next, our thief Chris."

"The pleasure is all mine." she said. "You're really pretty actually! And strangely developed…" Her eyes began to wander downwards "How old are you?"

"Oh, I'm thirteen!"

Chris suddenly hung her head.

"Life is unfair…"

That wasn't a joke, that's her actual age.

"And then there's me, Kazuma the adventurer!" Kazuma posed out of habit. "I'm also the leader, as a master of tactical supremacy!"

"An adventurer?" said Yunyun. "Oh, sorry if that was rude."

"Nah, I get that a lot." Kazuma laughed. "Anyway, I'd normally introduce you to Darkness, our crusader, but she's away right now."

"I see!" said Yunyun. "And you guys live in this mansion?"

"We struck a deal with a landlord and exorcised it." Megumin gave her a sidelong glare. "I guess we can pick out one of the guest bedrooms and move your things into it."

"Okay." said Yunyun. "Thank you again for letting me join your party!"

"Don't sweat it." said Kazuma. "Oh right! Elizabeth!"

"Yes?" The succubus suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Yunyun yelped.

"Yunyun, this is our maid, Elizabeth. We agreed to let her feed off Darkness' excess lust in exchange for her services. Elizabeth, Yunyun will be living with us from now one, so treat her just the same as the rest of us."

"Of course." Elizabeth bowed towards the Crimson Demon girl. "Would you like me to help you pick out a room?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Yunyun smiled warmly.

"Don't forget about Yuki!" said Aqua, as the snow sprite floated out of her bag. "She's my snow sprite!"

"You can train snow sprites?" Yunyun said incredulously. "That's amazing! You must be really good at that kind of thing!"

"Why, of course I can!" Aqua grinned smugly. "After all, I am the goddess of water, and that sort've extends to ice-related things as well!"

"She has a god complex." Megumin flatly stated.

"Oh, you mean like Radiron?" said Yunyun. "That kid in our class that was convinced he was the God of Chaos?"

"That's nonsense!" said Aqua. "The God of Chaos is a girl! Her name is Llabwercs and she still owes me for a fruit smoothie!"

"Right…" was the collective response.

"I'm serious! Kazuma, Kazuma, you believe me right?"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma."

"AW COME ON! KAZUMA!"

Suddenly Megumin piped up.

"Yunyun, we need to get you a catchphrase!"

"Huh? What?" she suddenly said. 'But… I'm not really that kind of person. I barely passed the catchphrase class in school."

"Does it matter? It'd be weird if you were the only one without one!"

"Uh… I'm still not sure I understand…" Yunyun twiddled her fingers.

"Also, none of us have catchphrases." Kazuma pointed out.

"Of course we do!" Megumin announced. "Aqua whines and says 'KAZUMA!' My catchphrase is the incantation for Explosion or Killer Queen. Darkness runs into battle yelling 'LEEROY JENKINS,' and she goes 'Nngh!' when she's aroused. Chris says 'It's a secret' when someone asks about her weird moveset. And Kazuma says 'Yes, I'm Kazuma.'"

"When do I say that?" said Aqua.

"All the time." Megumin and Kazuma replied simultaneously.

"I suppose…" Yunyun cleared her throat. "But, it wouldn't be a bad thing if I just waited for one to develop, right?"

"That does make sense…" said Kazuma. "I suppose we'll deal with integration issues as they arise. Now, let's have some dinner, shall we?"

The next day…

"Megumin!" the archwizard struck her pose as the party stood in the garden.

"Aqua!"

"Y-Yunyun!"

"Chris!"

A long silence followed as they froze in their individual poses.

"Darn it!" said Megumin. "Even with Yunyun here, it still doesn't work without Darkness!"

"I'm sorry…" said Yunyun.

"What are you apologizing for?" said Megumin.

"Alright, Darkness will be back soon, we just have to wait!" said Kazuma. "In the meantime, let's go on another quest. We can afford to take some pretty hard ones with Yunyun here."

"Of course…" Megumin rolled her eyes. "Let's go to the guild."

Am I seeing things, or do her eyes look weirdly… brown today?

At the guild, Kazuma was soon able to score a quest to take out a simple rabid ape camp. As he looked over the board, he noticed Luna stealing glances at Beldia while he drank with other adventurers.

"Hey there." he said. "How are you two doing?"

"Oh Kazuma!" she smiled back. "We're doing great, thank you! Beldia is a really great guys… and he's such a gentleman!" she giggled. "It's a bit embarrassing, but I've always been a fan of fairy tales and well… he sort've reminds me of the knight in shining armor… albeit a dullahan."

"Huh, who knew." Aqua chuckled darkly. "Undead like to screw around with mortals. Isn't that pathetic."

"Eh?" Luna dropped her pen. "What's pathetic about that! I think we have a bit of a future…"

"Yeah, a really short one." Aqua laughed louder this time. "You know the reason us gods and goddesses do whatever it takes not to fall in love with mortals right?"

"Eh?" said Luna.

Aqua's eyes suddenly went extremely dark.

"It's because the most harrowing experience of them all, is watching your loved wither and die, becoming another drop of water in an ocean of time. I once loved a mortal, you know? And I saw the whole thing. He grew old, died, passed on and reincarnated. The next time I saw him…" Aqua wiped a tear from her eye. "He couldn't even remember my face. And now I'm doomed to live with that heartache for another thousand years, without the comfort of knowing I'll see him in the afterlife."

"Eh?" Luna's face fell. "But that means."

"Yes, Beldia will live thousands of years more than you, and he's going to have to mourn your death for a thousand more." said Aqua, her face twisted into a crooked smile. "But hey, an undead like him deserves to suffer…"

"But… that can't be!" Luna shook her head. "I won't let that happen! I'll.. I'll reject my humanity if it means I can stay with him, do you hear me!" Luna made a mad dash for the door. "I reject my humanity! Understand? I reject my humanity!"

She slammed the door behind her. Aqua shrugged.

"Yeesh, some people can't take a joke these days." she said. Kazuma's jaw dropped.

"Aqua?" he said. "Is that true?"

"Well yeah!" she said. "I'm not the kind who'll fall into a cycle of falling in love, watching them die, and then mourning and falling in love again! I went through that once, and it's a huge waste of time!" she stated.

"Wait… is that why you're always so cold and selfish? You don't want to accidentally fall in love with someone again?"

"What? No, that's ridiculous!" Aqua laughed again. "What, are you upset because this beautiful goddess won't ever return your feelings of love?"

"I don't find you appealing in any way."

"AW COME ON, KAZUMA!"

After that incident the six of them made their way over to the camp…

"Wait!' Yunyun suddenly interjected. "Um… I don't mean to be rude, but… I can teleport us there."

"How is that rude?' said Chris.

"That sounds…" Kazuma was about to say something but paused. "Wait, how much of your mana is that going to use?"

"Only about six percent." said Yunyun.

"Then by all means, teleport away!" Kazuma smiled. Nice, a more effective mode of transportation! Wait, why is Megumin glaring at her? And her eyes are definitely getting browner.

"Group Teleport!" Yunyun summoned a large magic circle around the five of them. At once, they all vanished.

A bit later…

The five of them suddenly appeared in the middle of a large grassy field.

"Now that's how you get around!" said Kazuma. He didn't notice, but Megumin pouted and turned away.

"Look!" said Aqua. She pointed over to a nearby camp.

"Ah that must be them!" said Chris. "Alright, let's do this! Team Konosuba… actually, let's not bother until Darkness gets back."

"Agreed," said everyone except Megumin.

She let out a sigh.

"Agreed."

"Okay, here's the plan!" said Kazuma. "First, Chris and I will sneak in and examine the place, taking out any key targets we can find. Next, Yunyun and Aqua will head in next, and deal with the trash mobs and lower monsters. Finally, Megumin will join us as we head to the boss. Understand?"

"Got it!" said everyone.

They began. Chris and Kazuma Lurked into the camp, mapping out where the strongest and mid level monsters were and Assassinating them without being noticed. Once that was done, Kazuma used his Tinder to light one of his arrows, which he shot into the air.

"That's the signal!" said Aqua. "Let's go, Yunyun!"

"R-right!" The two of them ran in, Yunyun already casting an AOE spell while Aqua started her buffs. Megumin simply sat on a stump, watching as they burned enemies.

"Don't be ridiculous!" she said to herself out loud. "Kazuma still values you as a party member! Sure, Yunyun's got all kinds of useful utility spells and she can cast them multiple times a day… and she doesn't have to be carried back after every quest… and she's not melodramatic or overly obsessive like me…" she buried her face in her hands. "Why am I feeling like this? Why do I care if Kazuma might be being a little too sweet on my friend? It's not like I like him or anything! No wait… Do I?"

She thought back through their memories. All the Explosions they shared. That time she almost lost him to the Winter Shogun. The fight with Beldia… cleaning the lake… it all made her heart race like never before. The idea of being his, and only his… it made her chest flutter. She let out another sigh and glanced downwards.

"So I do like him, don't I?" she chuckled, as a tear ran down her cheek. "Oh well. Yunyun's better for him anyway. He just wanted me to be a better archwizard, and he has that with her. It's not a huge deal, I can handle this. I'm an adult. I'll find someone else… someone clever… and charming… and who can understand Explosions like me… someone like Kazuma"

"Megumin!" Kazuma called backwards. "The camp's clear, it's time for the boss!"

"Oh, right!" Megumin dried her tears and ran after him. God, this is so cliche. Aren't I pathetic?

As it turned out, the boss was a gigantic Daruma monkey, which was apparently one of the Devil King's colonels. The monkey resided in the center of the camp, next to a large campfire. Around him, several smaller monsters sat about.

"Alright, this one'll be simple. Since we already looted the rest of the camp, we can just have Megumin blow the rest up with Explosion."

"Really? I will do my absolute best, Kazuma!" Megumin struck an abnormally enthusiastic pose. "Explosion is where my strength lies, and I will use it to the best of my ability!"

"Um… actually I could use Explosion too…" said Yunyun. "And I still have enough mana for it so…"

"Hah! There is no way that your Explosion is at all similar to mine!" Megumin taunted her. Kazuma noticed her eyes started to enter the blood red hue from earlier.

"Okay, calm down everyone! You can both cast it, and I'll tell you which one is better!"

"Yes!" said Yunyun. "Alright Megumin, today we shall duel with our Explosions!"

"I accept your chal…" Megumin was about to say when her eyes lit up again. "Wait, say that again!"

"Um… Today we shall duel with our Explosions?"

"Yes! 'Today we shall duel with…' and then something else! That's the perfect catch phrase for you!"

"Really? You think so?" Yunyun delightfully clapped. "Okay! Then that will be my catchphrase from now one!"

"Right!" said Megumin.

The five of them ran off to put plenty of distance between them at the camp.

"Alright, Yunyun and Megumin." said Kazuma. "Cast now!"

So yeah, chant, cast, boom!

What? You were expecting something different?

Once the smoke cleared, all that remainder of the monkey was a bunch of fur lying about.

"I think I did pretty well…" said Yunyun. Kazuma let out a sigh.

"Sorry Yunyun, but Megumin beat you by 99 points."

"WHAT?" said everyone collectively, even Megumin seemed shocked.

"You see, your Explosion had no distinct shockwave, it felt like a bunch of heavy wind. There was no crisp sound, just a garbled sort of boom. And the fire itself had no shape or reason, it was just flying every which way. And there was far too much smoke. You should learn from Megumin." he explained in detail.

Everyone simply stared at him in shock.

"What? I pick up on these things. Also…" he glared at Megumin. "You shouldn't be surprised, you were the one I learned from!"

"Oh, that's right…" Megumin blushed and turned away.

Eh? When did Megumin act so flustered all of a sudden. Could it be that she's in love with me? Hm… pursuing a romantic relationship with her would be nice… but it might be best if we stabilize our income first. Don't want that making these complicated.

"Alright, let's leave and get the rewards!" said Kazuma.

"Right!"

Meanwhile, at the mansion…

"The daruma doll fell o-ver!" Anna looked behind her. Chomuske and Yuki froze in place. She looked back at the tree. "The daruma doll fell o-ver!"

Chomuske looked at a nearby flower. Yuki hovered above.

"The daruma doll fell o-ver!"

Chomuske was in the act of breathing fire at Yuki.

"The daruma doll fell o-ver!"

Yuki shot an icy bullet, which Chomsuske had narrowly dodged before freezing her position.

"The daruma doll… oh!"

Anna found both Yuki and Chomusuke touching her, the latter floating on top of the former.

"That was fun!" she exclaimed. "Alright, it's your turn Chomusuke!"

She and Yuki ran back to the finish line while Chomusuke turned to face the tree.

A bit later…

"Ah, home sweet home!" said Kazuma. "Man, I haven't said those words in a pretty long time…"

"Neither have I, for that matter." said Megumin.

"Well, you guys chat." said Chris. "I'm counting up our loot and dividing it up! No extra Eris for anyone!"

"Yeah right." said Aqua. "I'm keeping an eye on you."

"What do you think I'm gonna do?"

As they argued Megumin grasped Yunyun's hand.

"Hey, Yunyun…" she said. "Even though we're in the same party now…"

"Huh? Megumin?" Yunyun's eyes widened. Megumin's eyes sparkled with a fiery tone.

"Let's keep being great rivals, okay?" she said. Yunyun smiled and hugged her friend.

"Of course!" she said. "And someday, I will beat you!"

"I look forward to that day." said Megumin."By the way… I would like to propose a longer duel…"

"Eh?"

"Simply put… regarding Kazuma…" Megumin whispered something into her ear, causing her to flush completely red.

"A-are you sure? You really don't mind risking losing him?"

"If it makes him happy, that's all that really matters to me," Megumin nodded. "Besides, I still have my Explosion to keep me company…"

"Okay!" Yunyun shook her hand. "I accept your challenge over Kazuma!"

"What are you two doing?" Kazuma glanced over from his chain.

"Gah! Nothing…" the two of them blushed and glanced away.

"You know, if you two like me, there's no reason to turn it into a silly game." he smirked. "There's plenty of me to go around, you know. And I'm open to us being a happy little threesome..."

"Hmph." They both shot creepy blood-red glares at him.

"Uh… did I speak too soon?"

"Sheer heart attack!" Megumin flung Chomuske out from seemingly nowhere.

"AAAGH!" Kazuma ran out of the room, pursued by Megumin's walking bomb cat.

So my theory was correct! I am developing a harem! Nice… although they'll probably beat each other to death if that's what comes about. I should probably just pick one. God forbid I earn the wrath of any of them!

Wait a minute… I just realized I haven't introduced Yunyun to Anna yet! Oh boy, she's gonna get the fright of her life when…

"Oh, hello little tsukumogami!" Yunyun said. Anna turned around and gasped.

"You're not scared of me?" she said.

"Of course not!" Yunyun knelt down. "My name is Yunyun."

"I'm Anna!" she walked up to her. "And I'm a possessed doll that haunts this mansion! It's nice to meet you! Wanna be friends?"

"Absolutely!" said Yunyun.

She's taking that terrifyingly well!

"Look over here…" said an unidentified voice behind Kazuma.

He turned around before Chomusuke leapt at him.

"AAAAAAAAAGH!"

Well basically… kaboom.

Chapter Text

Italics = Singing

"Alright, it's time for the next pull!" Kazuma eyed the goblins further ahead in the cave. "Aqua, give some magic buffs to Megumin and Yunyun. Yunyun, put Arcane Intellect on Aqua instead of me so she can heal more effectively. I'll pull the mobs with Challenging Shout and Chris will weave through them. This a much larger mob pack than the last one, so keep up the pace."

"Right!" said his party members. He smiled. Ever since Yunyun showed up, everyone's been acting up less and less! We can totally handle this dungeon, even without Darkness.

"Alright, let's do this!" Kazuma ran in. Immediately a few of the goblins turned his way. "CHALLENGING SHOUT!"

At once, the entire pack screeched and stampede after him. Kazuma turned on his heel and made a dash towards the others.

"Rapid Dash!" Chris leaped through the goblins, dodging their swings whilst slicing through a few unlucky ones with her trusty dagger.

"Killer Queen!"

"Frost Nova!"

Megumin and Yunyun rained spells down onto the mobs, while Aqua shot healing and buffs every which way. The goblins scattered and merged under the onslaught.

"Behold, the power of the gods!" Aqua twirled her staff over her head. "Sacred Power Up!"

A stray goblin wandered away from the group, over to where Aqua was standing. Grining, it gently lifted her skirt up.

"Gah! What are you doing, you pervy little… AAAAAGH!" Aqua was suddenly overwhelmed by a horde of goblins.

"Aqua, no!" Kazuma yelped as the goblins took advantage of his distraction and tackled him to the ground.

"Kazuma!"

"Wait, don't…"

Megumin and Yunyun accidentally canceled their current spell as the goblin horde turned to them. Unable to react, the creatures mauled over the two archwizards as they screamed like schoolchildren.

With the rest down, the last of the goblins turned to Chris, who was already breaking for the exit.

"AAAGH! GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Much later…

After that eexperince, he party rendezvoused at the entrance to the goblin lair panting and shuddering.

"Apparently, goblins are a lot faster than I thought," said Kazuma.

"If Darkness were here, she'd pull every single goblin to her so I could hit them all with a good Explosion. And Aqua would heal her whilst the rest of us deal damage." Megumin mumbled.

"Hey, you're really picking up on this," said Kazuma. "But you're right. We need our crusader, even if she is an insane, perverted, masochist who can't hit anything to save her life. I mean, Elizabeth did make her a bit more competent, but you can't change who she is."

"Ain't that the truth." said Chris.

"Why did you look at me when you said that?" said Aqua.

"No reason…"

"Let's go home, guys. We should get some eris for killing some of the other goblins." said Kazuma.

"Right."

KONOSUBA

Kazuma did not consider himself a very attractive person. But he'd always imagined he could win over a girl's affection if he ever tried hard enough. The problem was, his lifestyle as a NEET left him with little enjoyment for 3D girls. His new life in a fantasy world, however, presented him only with some of the most attractive women he'd ever seen. He wasn't sure if it had to do with the presence of magic or some kind of genetic feature, but every girl he'd met looked to have been stripped right out of the pages of a manga. From Megumin's charming youthful glow, to Darkness' cool and comforting beauty, any girl he'd met so far would easily pass for a decent waifu back in his old world. The main issue would be their personalities, which killed any and all romantic interest almost instantly. However, Kazuma had been thinking hard about that lately…

"Yes, we are-

We have just arrived and we're the most elite, adventuring squad!

We'll save the day every time, cause we're Konosuba!" The five of them sang while dancing to the music player Megumin had recently purchased. The song itself was the same one that Kazuma sang to Megumin in the bathroom, with some new lyrics that Megumin had written herself.

"Yes, we are-

Megumin: We'll arrive in a flashy, we'll show you, our special fighting pose!

All: You'd better go on and kneel before

It's the ultimate beauty!

Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba.

Yunyun: M-my name is Yunyun

Who will lead the Crimson Demons

I'm also known as Crimson archwizard!

Chris: Hey there, my name Is Chris

I'm the sneakiest thief around!

I'll steal everything that isn't nailed down.

Megumin: My name is Megumin

The mistress of Explosions

Oh-Woah, Killer Queen, Sheer Heart Attack, Bites the Dust

"And cut!" Megumin shouted. "Good work everybody! We'll continue the song when Darkness gets back. Also, try to use your outside voice a bit more, Yunyun."

"Oh… okay," she said. "I was never good at singing class back at school, was I?'

"Not particularly," Megumin remarked. "But still, I am very glad you would put in the effort to become part of the theme song we're working on! You'll be as good as me someday!"

"Th-thank you." Yunyun blushed and covered her face, but she couldn't hide her smile

"This was a fantastic idea, Megumin!" said Kazuma. "Our theme song shall be the best in the world, and strike fear into the heart of our enemies!"

As of late, Kazuma had found himself talking like a Crimson Demone every now and then.

Watching Megumin participate in her chuuni nonsense… It's weirdly reminiscent of myself back in middle school. She draws out aspects of me that I was once shameful of. It's almost like a piece of myself that wants to be more optimistic… weird how that works, huh? I wanted the adventure of a lifetime, but she's already made it for herself in her own special way. Maybe I could learn from her.

A bit later, Yunyun caught Kazuma stealing glances at her.

"Uh… Kazuma?" she said. "Is it okay if I ask why you seem to be looking at me so intensely?"

"Sorry," he said. "I just can't shake the feeling that you'll suddenly have some obscene and bizarre personality trait that recontextualizes your entire character."

"Eh?" she said. "I.. don't know what you're talking about, but I'm sorry if I've made you upset!"

Just like that she's on the verge of crying? Jeez Louise, who kicked this girl in the face?

"What? No, nothing like that!" Kazuma immediately apologized. "I didn't mean anything like that, it's just some pattern I've been noticing with my other party members."

"Oh…" said Yunyun. She cleared her throat. "Sorry, it's just I always had trouble making friends back at the Crimson Demon village. But sometimes I get scared or paranoid when I try to… and even If I don't, they always make fun of me for not posing as well as the others. And in Axel, everyone's scared of my eyes or thinks my name is stupid. I mean, I know it's a pretty silly-sounding name but..."

Man, growing up in a village full of crazy chuunis must've been quite the experience. I feel really bad for even thinking she would be anything but completely normal. I suppose it's just so uncanny. Nevermind that, she is pretty beautiful. All the shining energy of a Crimson Demon, with none of the oddness. Not only that, but she's kind and selfless, almost like a princess. Perhaps I could move a little further with her… although right now that would be the equivalent of taking advantage of her lack of social skills… and not even I have the guts to do something like that!

Later that very same day, Chris asked Kazuma to help with skill training.

"I've leveled up recently, and I want to see if my Steal has gotten stronger," she explained.

"I see…" Kazuma nodded. "Well, I don't see a reason we shouldn't. It's only for the fun of course."

"Right!" said Chris. She flung out her hand. "Steal!"

A flash of light later, Chris held both Kazuma's sword and one of his socks.

"Nice, multi-item!" she said.

"Amateur. I stole three items once."

"Really?" said Chris. "Alright, I'll try again! Steal!"
This time, Chris held Kazuma's mantle, his other sock, and…

"Wha…" She stammered, holding up a pair of boxers. Kazuma chuckled.

"You can keep those. I have plenty."

"EW!" she dropped the garment and recoiled. "I touched… that…"

"Oh come on, aren't you supposed to be all 'WOOHOO!' and whatnot?" Kazuma walked up and picked up his undergarment. Chris blushed again.

"I'm not you! And besides, the point of that was to show that I can steal three items at once!"

"I can't let myself be beaten in terms of luck!" Kazuma threw out his hand. "STEAL!"

At once, one of the bra pads from earlier appeared in hand, in addition to a second pad and…

"Um… Kazuma?" Chris blushed and rubbed her legs together.

A familiar-looking pair of panties resided in his hand, in addition to a similarly colored bra.

"Huh? Is this the bra that you pad?" said Kazuma. "Wait… your chest looks the same as usual!"

"H-hey! There's an explanation!" Chris blushed harder. "You see… sometimes I disguise myself as someone else, and a difference in you-know-what size makes for some of the best ones. Here let me show you."

She snatched the items out of his hands and suddenly struck a pose.

"Quick Change!"

In a flash of light, Chris suddenly sported a considerable increase to her bust, in addition to a sleek, blue evening gown.

"Eh?" said Kazuma.

"Quick Change is a skill that lets you change clothes really fast!" she said. "It's great for parties, undercover missions, assassinations, and impromptu weddings!"

"What?"
'I've seen a lot of things." Chris shrugged. Kazuma had to admit, Chris looked very different in this outfit. At a glance, he was sure he would be unable to recognize her. Although, she did look somewhat… familiar.

Wait, what did Aqua say earlier? Something about Eris padding her bra? Does that mean…

"Are you thinking something perverted right now?" Chris raised an eyebrow.

"No…," said Kazuma. "I just thought you looked like someone else I saw a while ago."

"Oh, you mean Eris?" Chris chuckled. "I have been told I look like her."

"Yes, Eris!" Kazuma snapped his fingers. "You look a lot like Eris!"

"Well, that's certainly a nifty coincidence!" Chris snapped her finger to change her clothes back in another flash of light. "But Eris is waaaaaaay bustier than I am! And a lot prettier for that matter."

"Well, Aqua did say she pads her chest…"

"Uh…"

"And besides, I don't prefer larger ones to smaller ones. I can enjoy all the forms the female body can take." Kazuma confidently grinned.

"It takes a certain kind of person to say that kind of stuff out loud." Chris rolled her eyes, but still smiled. "You're a really interesting guy, Kazuma."

After that, the two of them shared a good laugh.

Even if she's a little kooky, Chris is easily the sensible one of the girls. That, and she's pretty, clever, and easy to get along with. Actually scratch that, she's easy to fall in love with. I reckon I could have a pretty nice relationship with her if I asked her out. Then again, I don't think I could really get that passionate with her either… she never really showed that much intrest in sex. Maybe she's asexual or something.

Since his mind was already on romance, Kazuma later thought about Darkness' rarely seen noble side, her charming turn of phrase, and her beautiful golden hair. Of course, her masochism was annoying, but if you looked at it a certain way, she just looked like a brave knight.

Then again, she killed his boner near instantly when she imitated that stupid internet joke.

All the same, Kazuma doubted he really had any chance with her without becoming Pervzuma. Thus, he was left with one of the most difficult decisions of his entire life. Who to date? It was a choice he would have to put a lot of thought into, genuinely considering all the options, doing research, and sinking quite a bit of time into. Of course, such thoughts took a backseat when it came to the far more pressing issue of their debts.

"Alright, at our current rate of income…" Kazuma scribbled on a piece of paper. "We should be able to pay off our debts by February..."

"Hey, that's pretty good!" said Megumin.

"...thirteen years from now."

"WHAT?" everyone exclaimed. Anna tilted her head in confusion and then glanced at Aqua.

"Hey, why don't we sell that pink scarf thingy Aqua sometimes wears!" she said

"Sell my raiment? Absolutely not! It's part of my identity as a goddess!"

"Wow, she is getting worse." said Chris. "But seriously, that's not a half bad idea!"

"Are you serious?" said Aqua. "You can't! I won't let you! You caaaan't!"

"Hm…" Chris stroked her chin. "STEAL!"

Suddenly Chris was holding the aforementioned raiment, in addition to a bottle of expensive-looking alcohol and a pair of fans.

"I wonder if the pawn shop's open…" She happily ran her hands along the pink scarf. "This is some real high-quality stuff!"

"NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT! KAZUMA!"

As the three of them wrestled over the garment, Yunyun turned to Megumin.

"Is this normal?" she said.

"Oh yeah, totally. In fact, I imagine you'll probably end up a foil to someone here…"

"What's a foil?"

Megumin looked at her as if she had just asked what bread is.

"A foil is when two people are vastly different, and thus highlight certain characteristics of each other and developing a unique relationship. Didn't you learn that in second grade?"

"You know I don't pay attention during those classes." she said. "I do remember eighth grade magic, however."

"KAZUMA SATOU!" Sena's voice echoed through the mansion.

"Gah!" The party jumped off the couch as the prosecutor burst through the door.

"Sena? What are you doing here?" said Kazuma.

"More importantly, how did you get into our house?" said Chris. "Wait… did you forget to lock the door again, Aqua?"

"What? I haven't had a door I needed to lock since the Warring States period." Aqua said, which was immediately followed by a chorus of sighs.

"Nevermind that!" said Sena. "There's a Devil King General nearby and you're going to deal with it!"

"A DEVIL KING GENERAL?" said Yunyun.

"Don't hype it up!" said Kazuma. "You'll artificially raise the stakes!"

"Ah! I'm sorry!"

"Another one?" said Megumin. "But don't we need Darkness to tank for us? Otherwise, we'll be at a substantial disadvantage!"

"Wait, who are you?" Sena glanced at Yunyun.

"Oh, I'm Yunyun," she said. "I just joined this party."

"I see…" Sena tapped her chin. "In any case the five of you are coming with me."

Elizabeth suddenly appeared in the living room.

"Master Kazuma, Lady Darkness has sent you a letter."

"Darkness wrote a letter? Read it quickly!" Kazuma jumped from his seat. Sena's eyes widened.

"Is… is that a demon?" she said. "Working as your maid? This is going to be used as evidence later, you know."

"What?" Elizabeth glanced over. "I'm not a demon!"

"Then why do you have wings and horns?"

"I'm half-dragon!" she said.

"What about your pink hair?"

"It's dyed."

"The demonic magic I saw you using?"

"I'm a spellcaster."

"And the demonic aura surrounding you?"

"I'm… uh… Axis?"

"Oh yeah, that makes sense," said Sena.

"Hey, what are you implying about my religion?" Aqua said.

"Nevermind that," said Elizabeth. She opened the letter and read out loud.

Dear friends.

I am once again sorry for my abrupt departure, and I am also sorry for lying. You see, my father is the current head of the Dustiness family, and he does not approve of my adventuring lifestyle, thus he has tried to match me with a noble for as long as I can remember. It is because of him that I made my arrangement with Lord Alderp, for I know my father will not allow him to perform anything too risque on me. However, Lord Alderp has wanted to marry into my family for a long time, and while he can't marry me himself, he has offered to matchmake me with his son, Walter Barnes Alexei. Because I offered him anything he requested, I am unable to turn down the proposal, lest I dishonor my entire family. So I ask for your assistance to convince my father of otherwise. Come to my family manor as soon as you get this letter and we can sort out the details.

Sincerely, Dustiness Ford Lalatina, AKA your friend Darkness.

P.S. The dreams are greatly appreciated, Kazuma, the innermost depths of your wicked imagination are the only thing keeping these past few days bearable as I...

"HOLD IT!" said Sena. "We don't need to hear any more, do we?"

"Uh… um…" Elizabeth suddenly looked incredibly nervous; she was sweating bullets, breathing heavily, and was absolutely stunned.

"Please refrain from using skills on our staff, Sena," said Kazuma.

"Oh thank heavens, she's alright!" said Aqua. 'I thought that creepy-looking lord was going to… to…"

"Nevermind that, our friend needs us!" said Chris. "Let's get moving right away!"

"But what about the Devil King general?" said Megumin. "With that running around, the entire town is at risk!"

"Then we have no choice," said Kazuma. "We must split up. Megumin and Yunyun will go with Sena. Aqua, Chris, and I will go help Darkness."

"Eh?" said Megumin. "But… without a melee fighter, we'll be…"

Kazuma put his hand on her shoulder, pulling her shining gaze to his eyes.

"I know you can take town anything that General throws your way, not because of Killer Queen." He suddenly struck a pose, one he'd spent many days working on. "But because you are Megumin, Mistress of Explosions! In other words, the only wizard who could ever dream of taking on this challenge! And Yunyun!"

"The… the only one?"

"We're all counting on you, ultimate archwizard!"

Megumin grinned.

"I, Megumin, will face this challenge, and blow this general to smithereens before he even has a chance to respond! And Yunyun will help with that!"

"Uh… yes!" said Yunyun. "I will help!"

"Then let us venture forth!" Sena crossed one arm across her body while pointing into the air with the other. "To defeat the Devil King General! With Yunyun!"

"Oh, you're into posing too?" said Megumin.

"Eh?" Sena suddenly noticed her position. "Gah! That's what I get from hanging around all those Crimson Demons with weird hairstyles!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT OUR HAIR?"

"See?" Kazuma turned to Chris. "Chuunis love Jojo references."

A bit later…

Before long, the trio had arrived at the Dustiness manor, a rather extravagant building ripped right out of 20th century Europe.

"It's kind of creepy how much you've attuned to Crimson Demon culture," Chris leered at Kazuma. "What, are you planning on wearing red contacts next?"

"Of course not!" said Kazuma. "You know I only do that to get on Megumin's good side. Heck, it was probably the only way I could've gotten her to take Killer Queen!"

"Oh, Kazuma!" Aqua laughed. "Ever the tsundere!"

"I don't think you know what that means," said Kazuma.

"Of course I do!"

"Then what does it mean?"

"Um… when you get super mad when there's not enough ice in your drink?"

"NO!"

Just then, Darkness came running out of the manor..

"Oh, Kazuma! Aqua! Chris!" she said. "It's wonderful to see you again!"

"Darkness?" they all gasped incredulously. Darkness was currently wearing a very expensive-looking dress, straight out of the mid 19th century. Yes, history doesn't really match up that well.

"Yes, it is me!" she said. "Oh, it is horrible what they're planning! They think me to be some dim-witted damsel to be married off on the whim of her father! The nerve! I want this to be over as soon as…"

"I get it!" Kazuma stated. Chris cleared her throat.

"I'm still a little upset that you never told us you were a noble. Let alone, a member of the Dustiness family!"

"Again, what's so significant about that?" said Kazuma. Darkness stared at him incredulously.

"Kazuma! I knew you were a foreigner, but I assumed you still knew about one of the most influential families in the entire kingdom! We are only second to the royal family itself! Princess Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg is my cousin!"

"EHHHHH?" Kazuma's jaw dropped."Well this just became way more serious! Why does nobody tell me these things ahead of time?"

"Nevermind that now." Darkness shook her head. "You must help me convince my father to call off the marriage and let me adventure with you!"

"Hold your horses, Darkness!" said Kazuma. He took a deep breath. Okay, this might be a little worse than I though, but I wouldn't be Satou Kazuma if I couldn't handle this. "But now's not the time to rush in nilly-willy and ruin your entire family name."

"Eh?" said Darkness. "But…"

"Listen." he cleared his throat. "I thought up a plan that benefits nearly everyone, and won't end with my being executed."

"Of course!" Darkness breathed a sigh of relief. "One of your delightfully devilish Kazuma ideas! Tell me, what kind of horrific plot have you concocted within your wonderfully wicked mind, Kazuma?"

"Don't phrase it like that!" he said. "Alright, here's the rundown. You're going to agree to the meeting."

"EHHHH?"

"But, you're going to get him to say no to the arrangement! That way, Lord Alderp can't pull anything against us, and you can get away from this scot-free!ghyjibv"

"And my father won't set up any more of these arranged marriages…" Darkness finished. "That's brilliant! Much better than slapping!"

"Slapping?" Chris suddenly reconsidered her view on Darkness' father.

Kazuma tapped his chin. Alright, this is where all those hours watching anime are going to pay off.

"In order to successfully pull this off, you're going to need Aqua's selfish and argumentative attitude…"

"Hey!" said Aqua.

"...along with Chris' discreet but sharp sass…"

"What?" said Chris.

"... and your own creepy lack of shame, all at the same time! And we'll be helping you!" he gave her a thumbs-up.

"Thank you Kazuma…"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ARGUMENTATIVE?"

Later…

"Greetings father." said Darkness as she entered the room.

"Lalatina, I heard. You'll actually consider the meeting?" her father joyfully got up from his chair. He seemed to be a man of honor and morals, the kind you could easily trust. Although, as you can imagine, Kazuma had evolved his thinking far beyond first impressions.

"Yes, of course I will." she said. "I, Lalatina, have decided it best to toy with the prospect of this arrangement."

Huh, Lalatina is a surprisingly cute name for Darkness. As a matter of fact, this whole noble lady thing is triggering my gap moe senses. I shall have to act accordingly to this situation.

"Who are these three?" said Darkness' father. They didn't know at the time, but his name was Ignis.

"This Kazuma, Aqua, and Chris." said Darkness. "They're part of my adventuring party. They have agreed to accompany me as my maids and butler."

Ignis stared inquisitively at the three of them. Kazuma suddenly felt very out of place, wearing his flashy fantasy outfit in the presence of refinement and upper-crust. He took a deep breath and bowed.

"It is my utmost pleasure to meet you, Mr. Dustiness. I am Satou Kazuma, a humble adventurer from a distant land. I am also the leader of the party of which your daughter has acquainted, and I am fully aware that she shall cease being our current crusader, should she partake in the upcoming matrimony. I would like you to know that I hope only that she is happy in her future."

Ignis smiled approvingly.

"I see." he turned to Darkness. "You have some very nice friends here, Lalatina."

Score! Perfect first impression! Thank you light novels!

Chris and Aqua stared at him as if he had just announced he would be taking a vow of chastity.

"I suppose we should get changed, right?" said Aqua.

"Oh yeah." Chris snapped out of her shock. "My Quick Change skill should be pretty useful for this."

"Hm, that does sound pretty useful. I think I'll learn that one," said Kazuma.

A bit later…

Before long, Kazuma had himself a strapping new butler uniform, whilst Aqua and Chris sported some rather fetching maid outfits.

"I always love a costume change!" said Aqua, twirling like a ditzy ballerina. Actually, that's a pretty good universal term for her in general. "It really shifts the tone and feel of the atmosphere!"

"I suppose." Chris shrugged. Just then, Kazuma noticed something a little odd about her… femininity.

"Hey, are you wearing those pads from earlier?" he asked.

"Eh?" she blushed and backed off. "That's… personal! Were you staring at my chest?"

"It's hard to not notice it. Anyway, you know I don't mind flat, right?"

Aqua suddenly backed against a wall.

"I knew it! You are a pedo-"

"NO!" said Kazuma. "I just have an appreciation for A-cups, alright?"

"But surely, you appreciate a more developed and curvy woman, no?" Aqua puffed out her own chest while Chris stared at her with contempt.

"Not really," said Kazuma. "I used to think a girl just had to be cute, but my new mantra is that personality trumps all."

"Eh?"

A bit later…

The four of them, in addition to Ignis, stood in the foyer waiting for Walter's introduction.

"I'm so happy for you." Ignis turned to his daughter. "Lord Alderp has had nothing but good things to say about his son. Know that all I want is for you to be happy."

Darkness gave him a sidelong glance.

"I find that most uncongenial, father." she smirked. "I merely said that I would consider this marriage… heh-heh-heh… And after consideration, I have determined that it is still too early for me to be married. At this point in time, I will not do anything, but mark my words, I will make a mockery out of this match. A mockery!"

Darkness eyed her father with a toxic smile. Kazuma quickly intervened.

"Please refrain from such outbursts, milady." he said.

Darkness froze mid-sentence, tensing up as she did so. Ignis let out a sigh of relief.

"Uh…" Chris cleared her throat. "Earlier today I saw a weird plant next to the blacksmith. There was a snail crawling on it."

Darkness took a deep breath in, but didn't exhale.

"Then again, perhaps I should consider it further." she said.

Chris leaned and whispered in Kazuma's ear.

"Thieves Cant'. It lets me communicate without other people noticing. I told her to wait until the guy arrives before we start making moves."

Seriously? I should learn that. Actually, I do have a few skill points left over…

At once, the door to the foyer opened with a click, and there was the young man Darkness had described, accompanied by an entourage of his own.

Darkness looked like she was on the brink of exploding as Walter walked up to her.

"Hello, you are Lady Dustiness Ford Lalatina, are you not? I am Sir Walter von Alderp. It's a pleasure to meet you…"

"And… I am also pleased to meet… you…" Darkness tried to force a smile.

Oh gosh, she's not gonna last.

"AAAAAGH!" Aqua suddenly screamed. "I smell demons!"

"Eh?" said Walter, staring obviously at Aqua.

"Hey, I smell them too!" Chris said, running up to the knight. "What are you hiding, Alderp Junior?"

"Guys, stop!" Kazuma grabbed them both by the neck. "A thousand apologies, Sir Walter. It would seem that there seems to be a minor supernatural issue with my two companions."

"It would seem so…" Walter chuckled. "The local priests always said my father should be on the lookout for ghosts and demons. But he never took them seriously."

"Mr. Dustiness, I would like to request a temporary recess." Kazuma bowed once again. "I believe our resident archpriest needs a quick exorcism. It will only take a few minutes."

"Go ahead." said Walter. Ignis nodded. "I have all the time in the world to spend with you, Lalatina."

"Call me Lady…" Kazuma covered Darkness' mouth as they scurried off.

In the servants quarters.

"Oh, I cannot bear it!" Darkness bashed her face into a wall. "Having to restrain myself in this way is the most awful I have ever experienced! And not the kind of awful I enjoy!"

"Kazuma, you need to let me deal with the demons!" she said. "You know what happens if you leave things like this unchecked?"

"Calm down, you two!" Kazuma smacked both anti-undead girls on the heads. "Darkness, we just need you to hold out a little longer. Can you do that?"

"Oh, but this Walter is nothing like who I wish to marry!" Darkness stood and stared down like an actress on stage. "He is competent, kind and respectful! Not only that, but a hard worker, who trained day and night to become the youngest knight in the kingdom!"

"Sounds kinda dreamy actually…" Aqua blushed. "I've horsed around with mortals before and he seems just my type, so if you're not going after him… maybe I could swoop in and show him a few party tricks? Or a few bedroom tricks…"

"He is too pure!" Darkness continued. "The person who I marry must at least have a lecherous gaze, not unlike that of Kazuma or Beldia."

"Eh?" Kazuma did a double take. Chris giggled.

"I do not seek a look of loving kindness, but one that embodies all seven of the deadly sins! And further on that note, I look for the kind who is easily led about by trinkets, yet insists upon ordering me around like a maid! They should be the type who, despite my love for them, they will easily be led astray by others of considerable beauty! A complete disgrace to society, who insists upon blaming the rest of the world for his problems!

In fact, let me describe the underlying philosophy they must have. That they are never at fault, only society makes them the victim. And they have no issue doing as they please, with the intention of regretting it later. And finally, most importantly, they must always seek the easy way out of any situation! I want a person who'll throw an empty bottle at me and say "Hey Darkness, use that nasty body of yours and make me some money!"."

At the end of her monologue, Darkness arched back and let out a loud moan, as the other three watched with disgust. Well, two of them. Aqua was having a lightbulb moment.

"Say… you're part of the Eris sect, aren't you? I bet you would do a lot better in the Axis sect! All that stuff you described are some of the key pillars in my religion. And furthermore, there are lots of creepy and disgusting men like that using the sect as an excuse to do whatever they want! It'd be perfect for you!"

"Are you seriously trying to convert her to your freaky religion, now?" said Chris.

"Tell you what. You come to my church, and then we can discuss religion."

"Alright, I have an idea." said Kazuma. "Here's what you do. At some point during the meeting…"

KONOSUBA

The rest of the meeting progressed smoothly. Thanks to some clever words, and the occasion Freeze spell, the trio were able to keep Darkness in check. Walter Alexei really was as pure as they come. Not once did his gaze wander to any part of Darkness' exquisite figure, or Aqua or Chris for that matter. Even when Kazuma got a little too close to Darkness during his interventions, Walter simply laughed and talked about how good of friends they were.

Eventually, during a calm walk in the garden where Ignis was nowhere to be seen, they made their move.

"Pardon me." said Kazuma. "But I have heard that you were quite adept with a sword, Sir Walter."

"Well, I think that's safe to say." he said. "Were you perhaps asking if I would be capable of protecting Lady Lalatina? I assure you, I would easily fight off an Ancient Dragon for the sake of…"

"I was actually wondering if you'd be interested in a little clash of swords!" Darkness smiled. Walter did a double take.

"Excuse me?" he said.

"Few people know this, but I am actually a high-level Crusader." she smirked. "If you desire proof, I'm sure Kazuma would be eager to provide it. Kazuma, hit me!"

"WHAT?" said Walter.

Kazuma took another deep breath.

"I am an adventurer of morals and honor." he said, closing his eyes and putting his hand over his heart. "I would never strike a woman on my own terms."

"Honor my ass!" said Aqua. "What about that time you used Steal on… pretty much everyone and stole a whole bunch of panties!"

"Aqua…"

"And that time you threatened to strip those two girls if they threatened to tell on you?" Crhis noted

"That was..."

Darkness interjected. "And don't forget when you said to Megumin: 'I yearn for true gender equality. I have no patience for those who go on about patriarchy when it suits them, and then whine about not being a man when it's convenient!' That sort of thing!"

Walter stared incredulously as Kazuma bowed to his knees.

"I'm very sorry you had to hear about that." he said. "I am, in fact, an advocate for gender equality. I simply refuse to hit Darkness because she is an important friend to me."

"I see." said Walter. "That's a very interesting philosophy you have there."

"You could learn quite a bit from him." Darkness let a little bit of fire slip into her voice. "For instance, Kazuma is the type to think in terms of sheer rationale, as opposed to unspoken rules and social stigma." Letting loose a bit more fire, she continued to rant. "He is also the smartest person you will ever meet, for despite having little power, he has defeated many foes with only his wits and his companions! Please, do attempt to learn from Kazuma's example, Walter Barnes Alexei!"

"I see!" Walter's eyes widened. "You know Lalatina…" he suddenly leaned in just the slightest bit closer. "I was thinking of turning down the marriage before I even walked into your manor."

"EH?" everyone gasped.

"But after much consideration, I think I may have changed my mind." he smiled warmly. "It's wonderfully refreshing to hear a woman speak from the heart, and it's clear you have some very nice friends. Not to mention…" he took both her hands. "You are, by far, the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure to behold. And your charms extend beyond that a thousand fold. It would be my pleasure for us to wed, if that what you wish."

Meanwhile…

Anna carefully hoisted the large watering can, and poured a few quarts into each of the large pots, each containing a sapling.

"Why do you think Elizabeth told me to water these plants while she stays in Aqua's room?" she said to Yuki, floating beside her. Yuuki floated over and booped her nose, making the young doll laugh.

"I guess you don't know either!" she giggled. "Anyway, these are some really strange plants. I wonder what they'll grow into…"

Back to the main cast…

"How did this happen?" said Kazuma.

Through his rather simple suggestion of challenging Walter to a duel, the situation had flown far, extremely far, out of Kazuma's control. Apparently, having Darkness repress her desire for battle might not have been the best idea.

"For you now see why I have named my sword Indestructible!" Darkness Charged in once again, which Walter deflected with a well timed parry and dodge.

"Please, surely you see this is pointless? Why do you not concede?" he said.

"Come on, let all your fury rain down on me!"

As this went on, Kazuma wracked his brain for a solution. Chris leaned in on him.

"What do we do? She's gone crazy!"

"Correction. She is crazy, and she's now been triggered. We can only pray that this turns out all right…"

"But we have to do something!" she said. "That's our friend! And sure, I don't want her to get married, but I also don't want anything bad to happen to her family! Gah, this is why I hate high society! Thieves are way more fun…"

"I concede." Walter dropped his sword. Darkness stopped her assault and stared in confusion.

"Eh? But we were only started to have fun."

"It is clear that despite my superior strength, your spirit is stronger. I cannot strike again, for you are a very strong person."

"Eh?"

"Even though you haven't hit me once, you still want to keep fighting. That kind of spirit is admirable, for one would expect the average knight to turn and run if they felt their actions were futile. You, however, possess the bravery to continue past that point. It would be an insult to take advantage of your weaknesses and ruin that very nice thing of yours."

Walter let out a sigh. Kazuma heard him murmur the words "I really have fallen for you…"

To be fair, this might've been a good point to end this particular segment. Unfortunately, Darkness had other ideas.

"You three, show him what it means to disregard humanity!" Darkness shouted at her friends.

"Eh?" said Kazuma.

"All three of us?" said Aqua.

"Darkness, please try to see reason…"

"No." said Walter. "If you three have a fighting style that Lady Lalatina finds so appealing, I would very much like to behold it."

Kazuma let out another sigh.

"I suppose the matchmaking over at this point." he shrugged. "I guess we can show you our skills. Isn't that right, Aqua and Chris?"

"Yes!" said Darkness, excitedly drawing Indestructible. "I have longed for a chance to take on Kazuma's delightfully horrendous lecerury full-force!"

"Don't phrase it like that!" said Kazuma, as the three of them drew their weapons.

"Uh, isn't this kind of unfair?" said Aqua.

"First rule of Team Konosuba." he said. "Take any advantage you can get!"

With that, he smiled and charged right at Darkness, taking a pre-emptive swing. However, the crusader was one step ahead of him, with a swift parry.

"The surprise opening move you used on Kyouya!" she grinned. "You thought that would work on me? Perhaps you are getting too slow, Kazuma!"

"Lurk!"

Chris suddenly appeared behind Darkness.

"Surprise!" She laughed and drew her dagger. Darkness wrestled Kazuma off of her to grab the weapons and force it away.

"Create water!"

"Eh?" Walter did a double take.

Darkness was suddenly drenched in a combined effort from both Kazuma and Aqua.

"Nngh!" Darkness moaned as her dress began to turn semi-transparent. "See, Walter? Learn from Kazuma's roguish assault!"

"Roguish?" said Kazuma.

"Okay, that was a little pervy." Aqua noted.

"It's water!" he shot back. "And besides, you were doing it too!"

"Steal!" Chris called out. The bottom part of Darkness's dress suddenly vanished, leaving her rather impressive thighs exposed.

"You can keep up a fight while arguing?" said Walter.

"Second rule of Team Konosuba: If an issue in the party develops, settle it immediately!"

"Yes, yes, this is everything I've hoped for!" Darkness cackled. "Now it is time for my newest skill! Second Wind!"

At once surges of blue energy flooded through Darkness' body.

"With this, I can restore my stamina instantly! So bring on whatever chaotic torture you've come up with, since…"

"FREEZE!"
The next thing she knew, her entire top was frozen in ice.

"Nngh!"

"Oh my goodness!" Walter covered his eyes. "The combination of water magic then ice is diabolical, yet extremely effective!"

"Hey, we're hiring for a Speedwagon," Chris snapped at him. "Are you interested?"

"Eh?" said Walter.

"Yes, this is amazing!" Darkness threw her sword to the side and started to wrestle Kazuma hands-on-hands. "But I bet you won't beat my strength like this!"

"Are you sure?" Kazuma winced under her mighty arms. "Drain touch!"

Darkness yelped as purple energy was sucked up from her into Kazuma.

"Hah! Third rule of Team Konosuba: Exploit everything!"

Aqua and Chris had taken to watching with Walter as Kazuma wrestled Darkness.

Sweet mother of Icefrog, how much HP does she have? Nevermind that, she'll break my arm in this state! I gotta think, what's her weakness? Wait… oh gosh, this is gonna suck.

"H-hey Darkness? How about a wager?" he grinned. "Loser does one favor for the winner!"

"Oh, I see?" Darkness cackled like a psychotic witch. "I accept, and when you lose, I will make you kiss the ground I walk on!"

"Oh really?" Kazuma matched her gaze. "Cause I was thinking of something way freakier for you! You'll be on the ground in tears, begging me to stop! But I won't!"

As this exchange was going on, Walter whistled idly.

"Does… this happen often?" he asked.

"Well, not this specifically." said Chris. "But yeah, this is our overall lifestyle."

"I see… is she enjoying that?"

"You haven't figured it out?" said Aqua. "She's a masochist."

"Of course."

Before long, Darkness was breathing heavily and sweating bullets. She was blushing beyond belief, and her entire body shuddered. Suddenly, she let out an almighty shriek of ecstasy and dropped to the ground. Upon realizing that it was over, Kazuma let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry you guys had to see all that." he chuckled. "As you can see, I made the mistake of trying to control her."

"I see…" said Walter. "Did she just… erm…"

"Finish?" said Chris. "Yeah, she's finished."

Aqua hmphed and stuck out her lip.

"I always knew you were a pervert, Kazuma, but this definitely crosses a few lines."

"What? That's completely false, this was a means to an end! Chris, back me up here!"

At the worst time possible, Ignis jubilliantly entered the practice court carrying a tray.

"Who wants refresh...ments?" he dropped the bottle he was holding when he saw his daughter sprawled out on the floor.

"Uh…" Kazuma tried to find words to explain himself.

"I sentence you to death."

"AGAIN?"
One borderline act of political corruption later…

"I see." said Ignis. "I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

"Oh thank heavens!" Kazuma tore up the will he was writing. Walter did the same to the letter he was writing to his father.

Ignis said nothing, whilst solemnly looking at his daughter. After a long silence, he began to speak again.

"Lalatina was never much for social interaction," He began. "I'm sure you've all noticed that by now."

"We have."

"She was the kind of person who was almost always alone. Every day, she prayed at the church of Eris for a friend. Until one day, she came home from church telling me she had made a friend of a thief named Chris."

All eyes instinctively moved to Chris, who was in the middle of sharpening her dagger.

"It is a shame that she did not describe her friend's face. Otherwise, I probably would've recognized you. Then again…" Ignis tapped his chin. "Your face is so familiar I suppose it hardly stands out."

"Well, that's just a little secret, okay?" said Chris.

"I suppose that would make sense…"

"No it doesn't." said Aqua.

"In anyways, her mother had died at a young age, so I may have spoiled her somewhat," he continued. "I always thought she should have the freedom to do as she pleased. Perhaps I did somewhat of a disservice to her."

Actually, I think she was born this way.

"She is truly an amazing woman." Walter let out a sigh. "If not for Kazuma, I'd certainly love her to be my wife."

"Excuse me?" said Kazuma. "What are you implying?"

The knight simply chuckled.

"Isn't it obvious? You two are clearly having some sort of affair."

"No, that's not accurate at all." Kazuma shook his head. Aqua interjected.

"Yes, precisely!" she laughed. "The one Kazuma yearns for most, is me!"

"Oh really?" said Chris. "Because I recall him saying that he prefers personality above looks. And besides, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind a young, easy-going type."

Both girls were soon staring daggers at one another.

"Oh…" said Walter. "I would assume this implies that you have some sort of harem?"

"Harem really isn't the word I would use." said Kazuma. "More like a really weird love triangle."

"Regardless." Ignis spoke up once again. "All I ask is this. Be you friends or lovers, please look after Lalatina for me? Just make sure she doesn't do anything too foolish."

"I… uh…" Kazuma was at a loss for words. Well… I guess it's fair. But a lot harder than he thinks it's gonna be!

Just then, Darkness' eyes fluttered open.

"Huh? Kazuma?" she shot upright. "What kind of horrendous things have you done to me in my sleep?"

"Nothing!" he exclaimed. "And by extension, your dad threatened to kill us when he saw you!"

"Huh?" she glanced at each person in the room. Then she smirked.

Uh-oh. That's the look she gets before she pulls a Leeroy Jenkins. Although, thinking hard about it… there's nothing bad that could possibly happen right now. Walter's happy, her dad's happy, I'm happy… no matter what she says, this'll work out fine.

"Everyone, I have something to confess." she said. "You see, the real reason I have been avoiding this marriage is because… I am pregnant."

"WHAT THE EVER LOVING FRICK? I'M A GODDAMN VIRGIN!" Kazuma screamed out loud as everyone else let out a collective gasp.

"Oh…" Walter suppressed a laugh. "I guess that sort've explains everything."

No it doesn't.

"In any case, I hope you're happy." he stood up. "I'll tell my father about this. And because you've technically fulfilled your end of the deal, he will not intervene further in this case."

"Uh…" Kazuma stuttered.

"WHAT? BUT IT WAS ONLY ONE TIME!" Aqua yelled. "AND WE BARELY MADE IT PAST THIRD BASE!"
"Wait, what did you do?" Chris glared at her.

"Uh…" she cleared her throat. "Let's just say I get a little frustrated and I need to vent on someone. And since she's a masochist I figured she'd enjoy it if I snuck into her room and…"

"That wasn't a dream?" Darkness' eyes widened.

"And by the way, you're both girls!" said Chris. "Also, that's definitely illegal, Aqua."

"Well, she didn't say no!" the goddess retorted. "And besides, goddesses are technically both genders!"

"Wait, what?" said Kazuma.

"Yeah, I can change my gender at will," Aqua said as if it were normal. "But I was definitely female when I was… doing that. I think…"

Oh boy, she's really doubling down on the act. Well, at least I'm not under suspicion.

Meanwhile, Ignis was beginning to tear up in his lap.

"A grandchild… I will finally have a grandchild! The Dustiness family legacy shall continue! I'm going to be a grandpa! This is the happiest I have been since…"

"KILLER QUEEN!"
At once, the wall exploded, sending pieces of wood and concrete flying everywhere.

"Gah! What the…" Ignis covered his eyes, while Walter ran away.

"Megumin?" said Kazuma. Standing in the explosion was an extremely beaten-looking Megumin and Yunyun.

"Guys! That Devil King general is way worse than we thought!" said Yunyun. "We need your help to defeat him! Is Darkness back with us?"

"You bet I am!" Darkness gleefully jumped off the couch.

"Wait, Devil King General?" Ignis gasped. "Lalatina, what are you…"

"No time to explain!" said Megumin. "The team is finally back together! Now let's get going so we can do our theme pose right!"

"Alright, let's go Kazuma. You two Chris!" said Aqua.

"Kazuma, now's the time to use Quick Change!" said Chris.

"Oh right!"

"Um, excuse me?" said Ignis. "I feel like this is going…"

Chris, Kazuma, Darkness, and Aqua all posed simultaneously.

"Crusader Darkness, and the Mighty Sword Indestructible!"

"Kazuma Satou, the mighty adventurer!"

"Archpriest Aqua, Goddess of Water!"

"Chris, Thief of Fortune!"

"Eh, what are you going on about…" Ignis was on the verge of a stroke. "Is that a Crimson Demon?"

In four distinct transformation sequences, they all suddenly appeared in their adventuring outfits and struck one last pose with Yunyun and Megumin.

"Team Konosuba! Ready for action!"

They dashed off through the hole in the wall, leaving Ignis stunned.

"What… have I just witnessed?" he sat down in his chair and turned to a nearby servant.

"You! Get me some scotch."

"Erm, what about the hole in the wall?"

"Scotch first, then hole."

KONOSUBA

"Good, you're here!" said Sena. It was creeping into the night hours, so the forest was filled with the ghostly glow of the moon. But the creepiest part was the army of strange doll-like creatures marching out of Keele's Dungeon.

"Woah, what are those things?" said Kazuma.

"Clay dolls." said Megumin. "The Devil King General inside the dungeon is producing them. No matter how many we destroy, they keep coming out faster."

"If you touch one, it'll explode on contact," said Yunyun. Megumin pouted.

"Contact bombs are supposed to be my thing…"

"Nevermind that." said Kazuma. "How do we get past them?"

"I can handle them!" Darkness stood up.

"What?" said Yunyun. "They'll all kill you!"

"No, I have Indestructible with me." she said. "And besides… the Charge skill works great with it…"

"Eh?" said Aqua. "I don't understand…"

"Wait, what are you…" Kazuma felt a certain sinking feeling arise.

"A horde of dangerous explosive monsters…" Darkness hungrily eyed the little dolls.

"Don't do it!" said Chris.

"And a Devil King General on the other side…"

"Seriously, think about this!"

"It would make sense for a Crusader to tank all the blows so…"

"Please don't…"

"LEEROY JENKINS!" Darkness screamed and Charged in like a deranged banshee.

"Dammit Darkness!" said Kazuma. "Alright everyone follow her and pick off the dolls!"

"Right!" said Chris.

Surprisingly, the dolls were easy to dispose of. Darkness either knocked them away with Indestructible or someone else blasted them with spells or throwing knives.

"Why is a Devil King General hanging out in this old dungeon anyway?" said Kazuma.

"Who knows?" said Aqua. "Last time we were here I put up a magic circle that would keep monsters away so…"

"Wait, say that again," said Sena.

"Eh? It's just like I said. The magic I circle I put my absolute best into will repel all monsters from this dungeon from here unto the foreseeable future."

Sena suddenly stopped in front of Aqua.

"That's why the clay dolls are walking out! The magic circle repels them out of the dungeon and towards town!"

"Eh?"

Sena let out a sigh.

"It seems every time I look away you've somehow managed to endanger public safety."

"Hey!" said Aqua. "Kazuma says otherwise! Kazuma!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma."

"Aw, don't say your dumb catchphrase now!"

"Sorry Sena, as you can see, she's very short-sighted," said Kazuma. "Even if she works hard to help people, and often does it very effectively, she often goes overboard and causes trouble."

"I'll get you for that… Wait, you think I'm useful?"

"Sure," Kazuma said. Only because it lets me get you to work properly thanks to these map pieces.

"Tell it to the judge," said Sena. "And by the way, I recently took a new skill for the next time we meet."

"Oh really?" said Chris. "What is it?"

"I can summon ghosts now," she said. Just then, Darkness Charged again, plowing through another group of dolls.

"Oh, as much as I enjoy being hit, having a perfect hit-rate is thrilling too!" she delightfully mowed down monster after monster. For once, she was happy just doing something, not for her perverted reasons.

Eventually, they came across the innermost chamber of the dungeon, in which sat a man dressed in a tuxedo, wearing a mask similar to the dolls. He looked up from the doll he was working and smiled.

"Well well well," he said. "It would seem you've made it this far."

"Save it for later, demon!" Chris drew her knife. "Come on guys, let's obliterate him!"

"Hold on, Chris." Kazuma stopped her. "Let's not make any hasty plays. We have no idea what he can do."

"Yes, listening to your leader would be wise." the general stood up. "I am Vanir, the third general of the Devil King! I am what's known as a demonkin, a creature who feeds off of negative emotions! My main ability is to read the innermost thoughts of the mind. I was sent here to check up on the progress of my friend Beldia."

"Wait, what?" said Aqua.

"And of course, I would drop by another friend who has a strange talent of being inhumanly bad at running her store."

"What?" said Chris.

"But enough about that!" he stood up. "Let it be known that I have no intention of killing an innocent human. Why? Because they are the source of my food!"

"Well, that's certainly not the case!" said Sena. "Your dolls are harassing the town and causing endless issues!"

"Is that so?" he said. "Well, I made them in order to clear the monsters from this dungeon, but if they've reached the outside then I guess they must've been quicker than I assumed." he snapped his fingers and a nearby doll suddenly crumbled into dirt.

"Good, now let's take him down!" Chris drew her dagger again and swung at the demon, but an invisible barrier blocked her blow.

"Goodness, let me finish my villainous speech," he laughed. "The thief who secretly thinks of her archpriest friend as superior in every way."

"EH?" Chris suddenly blushed. Aqua smirked.

"My my, is this true?" she said. "Have you realized that I truly am a goddess?"

"Of- of course not!" she said.

"Bwahaha! Such delicious shame is just what I needed today!" Vanir cackled. "As I was saying, I intend to inhabit this new dungeon as my own. Then I will fill it with monsters and traps, before finally setting a nice cozy refuge in the innermost chamber. Then, a group of skilled adventurers will rise to the challenge and attempt to defeat me! And after a set of horrendous trials, and a climactic final battle where I will use the full extent of my power, I will be killed. As I die, I will watch them open the specially made treasure chest which I have set beside my chair and inside I have placed… a piece of paper that says "You lose." That is how I intend to die!"

Huh. Gotta hand it to the guy, that's some pretty solid plans there. I almost feel bad that we have to defeat him.

"Are you done yet?" said Darkness.

"Why, yes, the girl who recently lost a bet against the boy over there and is excitedly thinking about what he will make you do!"

"EH?" she blushed deeply. "Th-th-that is not correct at all!"

"Bwahaha!" Vanir arched his back in ecstasy.

"Enough with this!" said Aqua, instinctively striking a pose. "With the oceans wrath and holy light!"

"Our souls together, we will win the fight!" said Chris.

"The mountain falls when we call our names!" said Darkness.

"With every play, we change the game!" said Yunyun.

"Bursting forth, with passionate heat!" said Megumin.

"Team Konosuba will never be beat!" Kazuma finished. They all posed one last time before Aqua started casting.

"Time to die, demon! Sacred Exorcism!"

"Eh?" Vanir suddenly noticed the blue magic circle surrounding him. "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Vanir screamed as he was engulfed in blue light. His entire body crumbled like the doll before all that remained was a pile of dirt and a mask.

"Huh," said Kazuma. "That was… very disappointing."

"I know," said Megumin. "All that build up and we one-shot him? Even Crimson Demons know how to follow through…"

"And like that, you lose!" Vanir's voice suddenly echoed through the hall. The mask suddenly floated upwards and slammed into Darkness' face.

"Darkness!"

The crusader let out a shriek before she suddenly froze. Then she began to laugh.

Bwahahaha! You fools! You now bear witness to my unique Boss Skill: Masked Soul!

"Oh my gosh, what has he done?" Aqua gasped. "He… he… Darkness is…"

Oh my, it would seem that the boy is feeling extremely guilty that he told you not to take possession resistance!

Suddenly Darkness spoke in her own voice.

"Look, everyone! He took over my body!"

Indeed I have! And the dread filling each and every one of your friends is just what I need to take revenge for that bothersome magic circle!

"Eh?" said Aqua.

Yes, that magic circle is preventing me from entering the innermost chamber! And thus, the archpriest who drew it will pay dearly! And of course, none of you could bring yourself to strike your beloved crusader!

"I would not mind that at all!" said Darkness. "Strike me as hard as you can!"

Yes… wait, what? Are you aroused? The more pressure I place on your soul, the more pleasure you seem to be in.

"This an experience like no other!" Darkness gleefully squealed. "My body has been possessed, and my soul is wrenched like a vice!"

SILENCE! More importantly, I will break your spirit, no matter how aroused you get!

"I'd like to think otherwise, for I am the greatest crusader in all the land! My strength surpasses that of a dullahan!"

As this exchange was going on, Sena shot Kazuma a look.

"Have you perhaps been orchestrating this event from the start?"

"Of course not! Why are you always blaming me for everything?"

"Nevermind that, go deal with the magic circle!"

Kazuma let out a sigh and walked over to the chamber, followed by the rest of the non-mind controlled cast.

One group erasing session later…

"Alright that's done." he said.

"Kazuma, that mask is really cool!" said Megumin. "It appeals directly to my Crimson Demon values!"

"Right…" said Kazuma. "How are you doing, Darkness?"

Bwahahahaha! Surely, you will not attempt to cause harm to this woman who you find so attractive?

"EH?" said Kazuma.

"Kazuma did he just say what I think he said?" Darkness blushed extremely deeply.

"WHAT?" said Aqua. "You like that creepy masochist over a goddess? I'm literally the perfect embodiment of a girl!"

"I mean, sure you're a little sadistic." Chris blushed and glanced away. "But that's going way too far!"

"Is it the chest?" Megumin desperately clung to Kazuma. "It's totally the chest, right? You said personality trumps all!"

"Um…" Yunyun looked like she was about to say something but stopped.

"Settle down, ladies!" he said. Vanir laughed once more.

He is correct! For his attraction seems to extend far beyond this crusader, but to each and every one of you!

Immediately, the entire female cast glared at him with resentment.

"What? Do you not have any standards?" said Chris.

"Is this why you wanted both me and Yunyun?" Megumin frowned. "I'm very disappointed in you!"

"Sheesh, I knew gods tended to fool around but that's going a little too far, don't you think?" said Aqua.

Bwahahaha! Such a delicious soup of emotions! This group is just brimming with embarrassing secrets and awkward love triangles!

"Enough with this!" said Aqua. "Once more, Sacred Exorcism!"

"KYAAAAAAA!" Darkness shrieked as Vanir's mask flew off of her and onto Chris.

"Oh no…" said Kazuma.

Ahah! This thief of yours has much less willpower than the crusader! Oh, and would you look at this? There's something so wonderfully horrible about her that it'll keep me fed for the next thousand years!

"IT'S A SECRET!" she screamed.

Oh, I guess that makes sense…

"NO IT DOESN'T!" said everyone except Kazuma

"Nngh! That was exhilarating!" Darkness panted. "Vanir, I think you might be the ideal man I've been searching for!"

No thanks, I'm both genderless and asexual. OH YES, that's a wonderful bit of rejection for my afternoon snack this Sunday!

"Oh, you won't control me that easily!" Chris screamed, angrily clawing at the mask. "I hate demons with every inch of my being, and I will never allow one to take over my body-AAAGH! It's like every time I think of how much I hate him, the pressure gets stronger!"

"He's feeding off your negative emotions!" Kazuma said. "You need to think positive thoughts! Try a cliche, off-the-shelf, friendship speech!"

"Uh, okay!" Aqua tapped her chin. "Uh… friend, light, friend, dark, life, heartless, keyblade, memories, keyblade, friendship, darkness, keyblade, heartless, friendship!"

"That might work…" said Darkness, as Chris slowly began to win the struggle.

Oh my! It seems that this thief not only possesses bra pads for certain occasions but also pads for her rear end that she recently started wearing!
"YOU SON OF A BITCH I'LL KILL YOU… ARGH!"

"Well, so much for that plan…" said Kazuma. "Alright, let's try something else. We need to make absolutely sure he does not possess Aqua, and try to keep him on either Chris or Darkness. Yunyun, I want you to try and distract him using single-target magic. Then, when the mask transfers back to Darkness, Megumin will use Killer Queen to weaken him. Then we draw him outside and finish him off using a point-blank Explosion. We just need to ensure that he doesn't possess Aqua, because if that happens we're doomed! I repeat, do not let him possess Aqua! Sounds like a plan?"

"Kazuma, you idiot!" said Aqua. "You said all of that out loud and now he knows your whole plan!"

"Indeed I do!" Vanir's mask suddenly leapt off of Chris onto Aqua.

"AAAAAAGH! KAZUMA! HE'S TRYING TO POSSESS ME!"

"Okay, now for the real plan!" Kazuma smirked. "EVERYBODY RUN!"
Sena turned around and smacked a strange tag on the mask.

"Eh? Is this a talisman?" Aqua said, ignoring Vanir.

They intend to keep me inside you! Wel no matter! I shall overpower you and… wait, have you stopped thinking entirely?

"Why do they call it white wine when it's more a pale yellow…?" she wondered out loud. Hah! Little do they know, I have the ability to numb myself by not thinking! Wait, I'm thinking right now, aren't I? AAAGH IT HURTS!

Strange. Oh well, I'll be making my exit!

At the entrance to the dungeon.

"Phew!" said Sena. "Good thing I brought that anti-demon talisman with me!"

"Yeah, definitely!" said Kazuma. "And for once, you're actually doing something instead of blaming me which is a huge improvement! Would you maybe wanna go on a date after this is over?"

"Heck no!" she said. "You're still under suspicion! Also, that other demon proved you have literally no standards when it comes to girls. I mean, you have for the crazy Crimson Demon girl with the freaky haircut!'

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY HAIR?"
"Enough with the Jojo references!" said Kazuma, just as they breached the exit. As the light of the moonlight shone down on them, they noticed the peculiar sight of Beldia grasping Luna's hands, the pair of them sitting on two stumps while the moon shone down on the scene like a glorious spotlight.

"...I don't care if you're mortal! I want to treasure every moment we have with each…' he was in the middle of passionately spilling out his heart when he noticed them. "Oh… hello."

Luna blushed even deeper.

"Uh… we're kind of having a moment…"

"Never mind that, there's a mind-reading demon guy named Vanir who's trying to kill us!" said Kazuma. "Or at least harass Aqua…"

"I don't see the problem there…" said Beldia. 'Wait, did you say Vanir?" he tapped his chin. 'Vanir… Vanir… Vanir… of course!"

Beldia suddenly stood up, his eyes glowing blood red. He screamed with the full force of his anger "THAT GUY STILL OWES ME 750 ERIS FOR THAT FRUIT SMOOTHIE!"

"Eh?" said Kazuma.

Vanir, on Aqua's face, suddenly leaped out of the dungeon.

"Why, if it isn't my good friend, Beldia!"

"Forget about that! It is time to claim what is rightfully mine!" He grasped his head and tossed it up as Luna ran away. "THE WORLD, GRIND TO A HALT!"

In a flash of movements, Aqua suddenly flew into a nearby tree, sending the plant crashing down.

"What the…" said Sena. "Aqua was suddenly sent flying!"

"I said, enough with the Jojo references!" said Kazuma. "Anyway, I think Beldia should be able to take it from here."

"Oh, we could take advantage of this to finally get rid of that filthy dullahan…" Chris was about to say when Kazuma glared at her, shutting her up.

Just then, in a flash of light, appeared Wiz.

"Vanir!" she said.

Vanir's mask flew off of Aqua before another tuxedo-wearing body manifested out of the soil and attached to him.

"Wiz!"

The two generals gleefully ran over and hugged each other.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"Really great, actually," she said. "The store's been doing a lot better since Beldia started working for it. How's the dungeon finding going?"

"I've already planned on filling out this one." Vanir indicated to Keele's Dungeon. "But, I need to get revenge on a certain annoying non-human archpriest.

"Aqua? Oh right her. Well, I'm afraid I legally have to stop you, or I'll lose my vendor's license."

"That's perfectly fine!" Vanir cackled. He turned to Kazuma and his friends. "You better be leaving now. This could get dangerous."

"Uh… sure," said Kazuma. "See you."

And with that, the six of them ran off.

Aqua recovered from her possession and glared at the generals.

"A lich... a demon… a dullahan… all of which I hate individually… in the same place as me! IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!" she screamed.

"Ahah!" said Vanir. "Yes, yes, yes, it's an all-you-can-eat buffet of emotions!"

"Stop feeding him, Aqua!" said Wiz.

"I don't have to listen to you… Ah!"

Kazuma grabbed Aqua by the collar and pulled her away.

"Let's get out of here!"

"Fine! But let's leave properly!" she whipped out her raiment before it billowed out like a balloon. She kicked the ground and began to hover slightly.

"Woah!" Kazuma gasped. "How long have you been able to do that?"

"Since that fight with the turtle, remember?" said Aqua.

"Uh…"

Flashback.

"AAAAAAAAAAGH!" Kazuma screamed. "THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA DARKNESS!"
The enormous turtle was off in the distance.

"Ah, this is the perfect shot!" said Megumin. "Explosion!"

"AAAGH!" Aqua cried. "I'M FALLING!"

Suddenly, her raiment inflated into a large balloon-like structure. She dangled at the bottom like a clip holding a balloon shut, whilst her friends landed on top.

Flashback over.

"Oh yeah…" Kazuma tapped his chin. "That quest was pretty crazy."

The six of them clambered on top of the balloon, Chomusuke lingering near the bottom to blow fire into the entrance. At once, Aqua's makeshift zeppelin took flight above the three generals.

"Phew!" said Megumin. "That was a close one! Thanks, Aqua!"

"Yeah, totally," said Kazuma. "You get four scaps for this."

"Seriously? Yes! I only have fifty more to go!"

"By the way, it was really smart how you made Vanir possess Aqua so he couldn't hurt her." said Sena.

"What?" said Kazuma. "Oh no, I made him possess her since most of her skills are just party tricks."

"Hey!"

"What?" said Kazuma. "I like your party tricks. I mean, you might not that much of a goddess of water, but goddess of art and music suits you way better than that!."

"Really?" the goddess found herself blushing. "Well, I guess that's kind of flattering…"

"Don't make anything out of that." Chris yelled as they rose higher and higher. "Well, this fight should be over pretty soon. After all, it's two Devil King Generals against one. Vanir's not lasting a second in there."

Almost as if on queue, Beldia suddenly flew up to meet their altitude, his armor singed.

"AAAAAAGH!" he screamed, plummeting back to the ground. A second explosion from down below shot a burst of fire that almost singed Aqua's boots.

"Eep!" she yelped. "What's going on down there?"

The sound of Wiz screaming filled the air, followed by a dust cloud and a loud screech.

"Presumably a really cool fight that we can't watch because that would kill us." said Kazuma.

"It's honestly kind of a disappointment," said Megumin. "Vanir was being seriously hyped up, but we didn't even get to fight him."

"It's a shame really…" Darkness glanced away.

"I know." said Chris. "But at least we're okay!"

"No, not that." said Darkness. "I was saying it's a shame that Vanir said he was asexual. Because… well… I think I may have fallen for him…"

"WHAT?" said Sena. "This is definitely going to be used as evidence later!"

"No no," Kazuma sighed. "She's just a masochist. If it makes you feel better, I can have Elizabeth give you a dream about him."

"That would be very nice…" she blushed and smiled.

Suddenly Beldia called out.

"MEGUMIN! AIM AN EXPLOSION EAST AT A DISTANCE EQUAL TO THE RADIUS OF THE AOE! WE'RE GOING TO LAUNCH HIM INTO IT!"
"Gah, I'm on it!" Megumin pulled out her staff. "Darkness, blacker than black. Combine with my deep crimson…"

As Megumin chanted, Vanir was suddenly sent flying in their direction.

"AAAAGH!" he screamed.

"He's heading right for us!" said Kazuma. "I reckon he'll make contact in just three seconds!"

"Do not worry!" Darkness stood up. "I will take him on!"

Two seconds remaining

"Alright, as soon as he gets here, we'll lock him in a CC chain." said Kazuma. "I'll start with Freeze, then Darkness Charge, Sena HOLD IT, Yunyun Frostbolt, and then we knock him into Megumin's Explosion. That should give us a total of five seconds to work with until the Explosion goes off."

One second remaining

"What if that doesn't work?" asked Chris.

"Then you use Illusion magic to distract him while we try to knock him off the balloon." said Kazuma.

"Here he comes!" said Megumin. "Let's hope your Kazuma idea works!"

Zero seconds remaining

"Surprise!" said Vanir. "It is I!"

"Freeze!"

"Charge!"

"HOLD IT! If your body is made of dirt, why does it look like a tuxedo?"

"Frostbolt!"

One second has passed

"Heave-ho!" All of them except Megumin hit Vanir with a mighty shove. At once, the stunned demon teetered off the side of the balloon, right into the edge of Megumin's Explosion.

Two seconds have passed

Vanir blinked when he realized his current predicament.

"Oh, such a way to die! I suppose I should say the name of the girl who Kazuma loves most! It will only take me one second at most."

"Hey!" Kazuma blushed and jumped up.

Three seconds have passed

Suddenly, Kazuma lost his footing and began to slide down the side of the balloon.

"Kazuma!" Darkness reached out to grab his arm but started to slip herself.

Four seconds have passed.

Darkness and Kazuma screamed as they both plummeted into Megumin's growing magic circle, Vanir's terrifying laughter filling the air.

Five seconds have passed.

"EXPLOSION!"
KONOSUBA

Kazuma opened his eyes. He was in a familiar dark room, sitting across from a familiar pair of violet eyes.

"Kazuma," said Eris. "I'd say it's nice to see you, but."

"I get," Kazuma sighed once more. "Are my friends okay?"

"Yes, each and every one of them survived, whilst Vanir was defeated," Eris explained. "I must admit, your ability to defeat powerful foes using your wits alone never ceases to amuse me."

"Aw, really? Thanks." Kazuma blushed as he rubbed his head.

"Speaking of which…" Eris cleared her throat. "Just out of curiosity, which of the girls do you love most? Vanir said you have a special attraction to one of them,"

"You heard that?" Kazuma blushed even harder. Eris giggled.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anybody!" she said. "It'll just be another secret between us!"

"I guess that makes sense…"

"KAZUMA!" Aqua yelled into the void.

"Yes, I'm Kazuma."

"Good, you're here! Alright Eris, open up the gate!"

"Hey, we were having a chat!" Eris retorted.

"Enough with that!" said Aqua. "Huh? Megumin? What are you doing? Hey, stop that! Don't use Killer Queen on that! You have so much to live for!"

"Wait WHAT?" said Kazuma.

"No! Don't you dare press the switch! You're a beautiful young girl with a bright future! You don't have to do that! Please, just listen to me, Megumin! I love you! You're one of my greatest friends, dare I say, my sister! Please don't do this to me! If you do it to yourself I can't undo it! I don't wanna have to mourn another mortal again! My heart can't handle any more grief after my ex-husband!"

"Holy crap…" Kazuma rubbed his temples. "Eris, send me back, quickly!"

Eris nodded and clicked her fingers. At once the familiar portal of reincarnation appeared, and Kazuma felt himself rising up.

"And by the way!" he said. "The girl who I love most is…"

But she never heard that last part, for the portal snapped shut before he could finish.

KONOSUBA!

Kazuma screamed and shot upwards. "Where's Megumin?"

He glanced to the side, to find Yunyun trying to wrestle Megumin's hand open.

"No! Don't press the switch!" Yunyun cried. "You're my best friend in the whole world! Wait, KAZUMA?" she yelped.

Megumin looked over and dropped her hand.

"Kazuma?" she said.

"Yes, I'm Kazuma!" he exclaimed. "I'm perfectly fine! Please don't kill yourself!"

"Eh?" said Megumin. "I'm.. not trying to kill myself."

"Wait, you're not?" said Aqua. "Then why were you using Killer Queen on your staff?"

"Wait, what?" said Kazuma

Megumin blushed and looked away.

"It's… nothing."

"It's not nothing." Kazuma walked up to her. "Why would you want to blow up your staff? You love using it to cast Explosion! That's like… half your entire character."

"But… my Explosion hurt you. The spell that I worshipped my entire life killed one of my valued friends. I… I was going to seal off my Explosion magic forever. Then, you would never get hurt by me again, and I could just use Killer Queen instead." Megumin stared at the ground. Kazuma noticed a few tears falling from her eyes.

"But even if we let you…" said Kazuma. "There's no way you could get yourself to do it on your own."

"Of course I could!" she raised her hand and was about to press her thumb to her hand, but she stopped. Her face somehow turned even paler as she quivered. With a final sigh, she took her hand away.

Kazuma simply nodded.

"It's alright," he said. "Aqua can still bring me back. And besides, your Explosion is a part of who you are. I couldn't bear it if I was the one who took that away from you. And besides…"

He suddenly posed.

"Is it not your destiny to become the first to master Explosion magic? And what if I were to get hurt in the process? If my destiny is to assist you in your journey, then I will die a thousand deaths!"

"It… it is my destiny!" Megumin wiped her tears away. "I'm sorry I killed you Kazuma. I will do my best to be careful!"

With nothing left to say, the party found themselves laughing. They laughed for a good while, almost as if to shake off the harrowing experience they had just gone through.

A little bit later…

"And with that, I announce the verdict!" The judge slammed down his gavel one final time. "Not guilty!"

The court erupted into applause and celebration, confetti raining down in the courtroom, courtesy of Aqua.

Kazuma was unshackled and leaped out of the stand as soon as he could to reunite with his friends. The entire town cheered for the party who had taken not one, but two of the Devil King's generals. Sena, for the first time, smiled genuinely as she descended from the prosecutor's stand.

"Congratulations, Satou Kazuma," she said. "By defeating another Devil King general, you have proved that you are not in league with the Devil King! And as a token of our thanks, you can consider all of your debts repaid in full!"

"No, seriously?" Aqua squealed with delight.

"And that's not all!" said Sena. "In return for defeating both Vanir, and the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, you will be awarded forty-million eris!"

"FORTY-MILLION?" they gasped. Another round of applause for the adventurers.

That night, a party was thrown in the guild. Stories of their victories were shared, drinks were downed and refilled, Yunyun challenged Megumin to a drinking contest, Beldia and Luna shared their first dance, in addition to their first kiss. And of course, Kazuma and his friends were given their medals back. It was a night of pure and unrefined bliss. Once again, Kazuma remembered what it meant to love this world. And one could say that he lived Happily Ever After.

Of course, I'm not the kind who's going to say that. And of course, the next day arrived like it always did.

Kazuma stepped away from his creation, pridefully basking in its glow.

"The kotatsu is complete!"

Everyone glanced over.

"A kotatsu?" said Yunyun. Darkness suddenly gasped.

"Oh my gosh, who are you and what are you doing here?"

"She's been here since you re-joined." said Megumin. "That's Yunyun. She's our second archwizard."

"Hello!" she said.

"Nice to meet you!" said Darkness. "I'm Darkness the Crusader."

"More importantly…" Megumin turned to Kazuma's new device. "What is that thing?"

"Ladies and… actually just ladies. I present to you an ingenious device created in my homeland, known as a kotatsu! It consists of a table under which a heating component creates a source of warmth, whilst the blanket keeps the heat tucked underneath. Using this device, you can keep warm on a cold day far more efficiently than a fireplace! Observe…"

Kazuma sat down, tucking his legs underneath, and let out a relaxed sigh. Chris walked over and followed suit.

"Oh yes… that's exactly what I needed today…"

Soon, the entire party had their feet tucked under the warm blanket.

"This is lovely!" said Aqua. "And I bet it'll sell like crazy!"

"You know it!" said Kazuma. "Now I just gotta handle the manufacturing and distribution."

"By the way…" Aqua continued. "I was thinking. Since we have enough money to slack off a bit, why don't we go on a vacation?"

"Eh?" said Kazuma. "What do you have in mind?"

"The city of water and hot springs, Arcanretia!" she said. "It's also the main base for my church!"

"Seriously?" said Chris. "No way we're going to hang out with your crazy cult… did you say hot springs?"

"Yep!" Aqua smiled. "Arcanretia is famous for its healing springs! It's also filled with tons of cool stuff, great food, pretty music, amazing dancing, and pretty dang good booze!"

"I think that sounds lovely," said Kazuma. 'What do you guys think?"

"Hah!" said Megumin. "No nation could possibly match Crimson Demon music! Yunyun, you agree with me, right?"

"Oh yes, I loved music class back at the academy!" Yunyun smiled. "If I remember correctly, you and I were tied evenly for best singer."

"Hmph," said Megumin. "If were are currently tied, then I suppose we shall have to settle that now, shall we?"

"Okay then!" Yunyun got out of the kotatsu, followed by Megumin. "Alright Megumin, today we shall duel with music!"

"Fine by me!" she struck a pose. "Give us a beat!"

"Uh... " Kazuma looked like he was going to say something when Aqua pulled him out and handed him a violin. She pulled out a flute as Darkness walked to the piano and Chris set up a rudimentary drum setup.

Well, this escalated quickly! Oh well, good thing I took lessons back in Japan!

Chris began with a steady rhythm, before Kazuma jumped in with the treble, followed by Aqua and Darkness. Megumin and Yunyun bobbed to beat as they began their "duel."

If you want the official music for this rap battle, look up "Red Battle."

Megumin: Oh look, what has just happened?

Another fight, crimson light, no, not again.

I won't bother with names or muddle with tricks

The people in this town just make me sick!

Yunyun: Oh come on, that's kinda mean

It's not their fault, they just don't understand demons!

My rhyming skills, you've never seen

My name is Yunyun, let's dance!

Megumin: Sorcery,

Yunyun: Is it true?

Megumin: I'll just use Killer Queen.

That is why.

Yunyun: This is fun!

Both: Crimson Demon rappers in the house!

Shining eyes of Crimson glow.

Yunyun: They are signs

Megumin: Fufufu

Yunyun: I will not be fooled!

Both: Difficult to associate with

Megumin: It's complicated

Yunyun: I assure you, we will not be deceived!

Both: Lonely memories of days gone by

Yunyun: They were not

Megumin: Lonely

Yunyun: No, I had friends!

Both: And a sparkling ribbon to finish it off.

Megumin: Are you sure?

Yunyun: I had plenty, I bought them lunch!

Both: This round is a draw!

Aqua suddenly shredded through a rather impressive flute solo before the music ground to a halt.

"That was awesome!" said Chris, stepping away from her instrument. "Hey, maybe we should start a band instead!"

"Heck no!" Kazuma put down his violin. "We're supposed to be adventurers! Cramming songs in here and there will just disrupt the flow! This was a one time thing."

"I know…" said Aqua. 'But there's something weirdly primal about singing about our thoughts and relationships. You know, expressing our most innermost feelings through some of the most emotional means of expression!"

"I see…" Kazuma rolled his eyes.

Chapter Text

"Hey, is it just me or are we forgetting something?" Kazuma turned to Megumin as the two of them, in addition to Darkness, walked into Wiz's shop, which now boasted a large colorful sign above the door.

"I believe it may have something to do with Vanir," said Darkness. Kazuma suddenly gasped.

"You're right! Wiz must be seriously bummed out right now. It looked like they were really close." he said.

"Okay, we'll just act calm and say we're sorry." Megumin pushed open the door. "I mean, what's the worst that could happen-"

"Hello, Crimson Demon girl with a severe Explosion fetish!" A familiar face practically shouted at her. The three of them almost fainted.

"VANIR?"

"Yes, 'tis I! After my mask was destroyed, I used one of my extra lives, thus I am Vanir II!"

"...What?" said Darkness.

"Oh my, it would seem that your heart is still aching after I rejected you!" Vanir cackled and threw his head back. "How wonderful!"

"My heart is not… aching…" Darkness blushed and glanced away.

Huh, I guess I was wrong. There is a tsundere underneath that rough exterior of hers!

Beldia walked in from the storage room.

"Ah, hello there!" he said. "I see you've met our new head of product management. "

"Oh, hey Beldia!" said Megumin, as Darkness covered her face in embarrassment. "How are things going? Did he pay you back for that fruit smoothie?"

"Well of course he…" Beldia paused and gasped. "Wait… YOU STILL NEVER PAID FOR THAT FRUIT SMOOTHIE!"

Vanir clicked his fingers, sending Beldia immediately hurtling backward via an unknown force.

"AAAAAAAAGH!"

"Anyway, how can we help you?" he said.

Kazuma shook off his surprise and began to pull out the papers he brought. "Ah yes, I came to show you my new business proposition. You see, I have created a device that I was wondering if you could help me sell."

"Is that so?" said Vanir. "Then bring it in and we'll discuss the price!"

It turned out that Vanir was a surprisingly decent businessman. He and Kazuma negotiated a 50/50 split on the kotatsu, and Vanir agreed to handle the manufacturing, provided Kazuma would produce more blueprints in the future.

Before long, Kazuma was walking home with a spring in his step, excited to announce the news to his other party members.

"Guess what guys?" he jubilantly stepped into his beloved mansion.

"KAZUMA!" Aqua lept at him the moment he set foot. "Anna beat me at chess! That shouldn't even be possible!"

"I see," said Kazuma. "I guess I'll try playing against her. But more importantly, I got the deal!"

"That's great!" said Chris, looking up from her newspaper. Yes, apparently newspapers exist in this world. "Now we can afford some new gear!"

"We can do that later!" Kazuma announced, thrusting a fist into the air "Let's head over to the guild and order the finest meal they have! In fact, since I'm in such a good mood, you can take the rest of the day off, Elizabeth!"

"Really?" Elizabeth's eyes lit up. "Thank you!"

So, the six of them made their way over the guild and sat down at one of the tables. It just so happened that Dust and his party were sitting right next to them.

"Kazuma, buddy!" he said. "Long time no see!"

"I know, right?" Kazuma joyfully replied. "It's been like, what, an entire chapter ago!"

The two of them shared a laugh as the others started ordering their food.

"So, how are things going?" said Kazuma. "I heard Keith recently advanced into a Sniper. That's really cool!"

"Oh yeah, that," said Dust. "And Rin recently advanced into an Archwizard. Of course, we're nowhere near as strong as your party."

"Well, I like to think I have a way with girls." Kazuma smugly grinned. "But yeah, we got a new member. Her name's Yunyun."

"Wait, what?" Dust's eyes widened. Hearing the sound of her name, the Crimson Demon girl glanced over and gasped.

"Dust?"

"Yunyun?" said Dust. "You joined Kazuma's party?:

"Well, yes!" she said. "But it's not anything special, I mostly just stay in the back and teleport us around."

"Among other things." Megumin smiled knowingly at her friend.

"I see." Dust chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, it's nice to see you've made some friends."

"I sure have!" said Yunyun. "There's a little ghost girl who lives in our mansion, and her name is Anna! She's also my friend!"

"Oh, is that so?" Dust laughed. Kazuma noticed a bead of sweat running down his neck.

"Anyway, thanks for the fashion advice!" she said. "Although, I think low-necks and miniskirts aren't in style anymore. But that doesn't matter, since I have friends now."

"Wait…" said Kazuma. "Dust gave you fashion advice?" He turned to his male companion. "Since when were you into fashion?"

"Uh…" Dust blushed and began to sweat harder. "You see…"

"Dust told me if I keep with the trends, I'll be able to make more friends!" Yunyun innocently stated. "He said that low-cut blouses and short miniskirts are super in right now! I'm not quite sure if it works, but I'm grateful for his honest criticism!"

"Back up a sec.," said Kazuma. "So to clarify, Dust told you wearing revealing clothes would help you make more friends?"

"Yes, why?" Yunyun tilted her head. Dust panicked and started to turn away. However, Megumin stood up before him, her eyes glowing an all-too-familiar shade of blood red.

"Oh no…" Kazuma began to back up as Megumin sauntered towards Dust.

"You know, I'm not really sure if heaven or hell is real," she said. Dust sat there, frozen with terror. "But just in case, I'll write it on your dead body."

He turned to run, but not before Megumin gave him a swift punch in the face, sending the boy tumbling onto the table, right in front of his surprised party members.

"Oof~!"

"Huh," said Kazuma. "For a second there I thought you were gonna use Killer Queen on him."

"Give it a moment…" Megumin's eyes narrowed.

Keith stifled a laugh and slammed his fist into the table.

"Oh my gosh, Dust!" he giggled. "That was totally not cool, but you just got punched by an Explosion-crazed loli!"

"I know…" said Rin, frowning with disgust. "That was really mean of you. How could you do that to such an innocent girl?"

"I have to agree with her, Dust," said Taylor. "That's not just dirty, but it's an entirely new low for you. I'm utterly disappointed."

Suddenly each of Dust's party members let out a gasp.

"What the…" said Taylor. "Why is there some kind of cat thing floating in front of me!"

"I don't get this at all!" Keith reached and grasped at air. "What the…"

"Agh!" Rin shrieked. "I think it's in my eye!"

Megumin cast them a sidelong glance as the rest of the party started backing off.

"Killer Queen, Bomb type three: Bites the Dust, is inside of all your eyes! It's a bomb that will activate upon any of you chastising Dust for doing that to Yunyun. I can set the condition to whatever I wish, and in just a few moments, you will all explode! Dust, this is the punishment you must endure for what you did my best friend!"

Dust's entire party let out a scream as three explosions burst inside the guild, sending dishes, silverware, and food flying everywhere. Once the fire cleared, the four of them lay scattered about, groaning in pain.

"Dust…" Taylor moaned. "Never do anything like that again."

"Yes." Dust nodded sadly.

"How…" Kazuma's sentence dropped off. "How did you do that?"

"Simple." Megumin grinned. 'First I took the skill Contingency, which allows a spell to automatically activate upon a condition of my choosing! Second, I took the skill, Spell Trap, which allows me to stick a spell on someone or something else. Finally, I took the advanced skill Chain Contingency, which allows for the spell to stick to multiple targets! Put it all together with Killer Queen, and you got yourself Bites the Dust!" Megumin grinned proudly.

"Isn't it supposed to rewind time or something?" said Chris.

"Of course it did!" said Megumin. "As we speak, an alternate timeline is occurring where Dust and I are engaging in an elaborate game of cat-and-mouse that will involve the death of multiple people and probably end with some kind of epic battle. We just don't know because we exist in this timeline!"

"I see…" said Chris. "Aren't you just abusing the Schrodinger's Cat effect to convince us that you can rewind time?"

"Hey!"

Kazuma simply laughed as Yunyun shuffled over to Megumin.

"Um… thank you for that. I think?" she said.

Megumin let out a sigh.

"Just… don't let other people change you, Yunyun," she said. "You can wear whatever you want."

"Really?" said Yunyun. "Well… I actually think this outfit's grown on me, so I think I'll keep it."

Score! Kazuma mentally fist-pumped. Megumin glanced at him.

"You know, I still have enough mana for a second Bites the Dust, if you were to try anything Pervzuma-like."

"What did you just call me?"

The rest of the night was a bit awkward, but enjoyable nonetheless.

As time went by, Kazuma proceeded to replicate additional objects from Japan, such as a portable lighter, various kitchen devices, and condoms, which he lacked the ability to test which resulted in him reserving them for later. Vanir was a monthly visitor, dropping by to see what new inventions Kazuma had created and to negotiate marketing.

It was during one such visit to the mansion when the following events ensued.

Kazuma, Chris, and Aqua were sitting in the living room when Elizabeth appeared.

"Kazuma, Vanir has arrived." she said.

"Okay," said Kazuma. "Let him in."

"He has already done that himself." She bowed and said. "I am sorry I could not stop him."

"Wait, what?"

At once, Vanir entered the room.

"Greetings!" he said, drawing the attention of Chris and Aqua.

"You again?" Chris drew her weapon.

"Yes, the thief who hates the taste of broccoli!"

Chris suddenly blushed.

"H-Hey! That's personal!" she stammered.

"Yes, sweet, sweet shame! But beyond that, I couldn't help but notice a pathetic attempt at a holy barrier placed around the mansion."

Aqua winced.

"Of course, it crumbled the moment I touched it. I could only assume it was the work of some amateur human priest!"

Aqua leaped up and glared at him.

"Oh, now you're gonna get it! Destroy him, Elizabeth!"

"Understood." Elizabeth threw a swift punch to Vanir, who stepped out of the way and returned the blow.

"Hah! You would assume a mere succubus could stand toe to toe with the Duke of Hell? How wonderfully pathetic!"

Elizabeth simply took a deep breath and smiled.

"I really care much for being pathetic. All that matters is that I bring pleasure to others."

Hey… was she always that cute?

"Oh, is that so, the demon who cannot tell the difference between soaps!"

"I'm still learning." Elizabeth continued to smile. "And your tricks won't work on me, you see. Succubi are essentially the opposite of your species. You read thoughts, I read feelings. You eat negative emotions, I eat positive ones."

"Hear that, Aqua?" said Chris. "Think positive things so Elizabeth can beat the crap out of Vanir!"

"Uh… Cute animals… drinking with my friends… being useful… painting things." Aqua ran through the list of things that pleased her.

"Yes, that's it!" Chris snapped her fingers and grinned. "Just like in Peter Pan, think wonderful thoughts! Oh, I love that story! Yes, mother's bedtime stories, the thrill of a boss fight, Christmas..."

"Bwahahaha!" said Vanir. "You really think references to a silly fairy tale will allow a pathetic minor demon to…"

"Hellish Rebuke!" Elizabeth's eyes began to glow as Vanir was suddenly enveloped in flames.

"AAAAAAGH!" he screamed. "A shedding I go!"

He threw his mask over to another spot on the floor, just as a second body emerged from the ground. Elizabeth was quick to react with a flurry of attacks.

Kazuma let out a sigh.

"Elizabeth, please stop," he said. The maid halted her onslaught at once, long enough for Vanir to recover.

"Phew!" Vanir wiped the sweat from his brow. "It would seem I underestimated you, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth simply bowed.

"My only intent to is pleasure others. For that is what I need to survive."

"Well, good for you!" he laughed. "Now Kazuma, let me see what you have for me today!"

"Ah yes." Kazuma got off the couch.

Today, he presented Vanir with an apple slicer, a leather belt, and an egg beater.

"Yes, yes, this will do nicely!" he said. "Now, I know we agreed to split the profits 50/50, but perhaps you would be willing to sell the intellectual rights entirely. As of now, I can offer three-hundred million eris for all of the previous blueprints plus these."

"THREE HUNDRED MILLION?" everyone gasped.

"Alternatively, I could offer you a distributed payment at one million eris a month," said Vanir. "So, do we have a deal?"

"Of course we do!" Kazuma shook Vanir's hand. "Pleasure doing business with you!"

"The pleasure is all mine." Vanir laughed.

With a hefty amount of money soon to be in his pocket, Kazuma gleefully told his party about the offer. Back in Japan, Kazuma always had a secret wish to make his family proud of him. He had given up on that, shortly after becoming a NEET, but the feeling of bringing home cash to his friends seemed to relieve him of that wish in an odd way, almost like a hardworking husband bringing a fair wage back to his wife. Kazuma then blushed at the metaphor he had unintentionally used.

"That's great!" said Megumin. "Now we can afford a fountain for the garden!"

"And that trip to Arcenretia!" Aqua chimed in.

"Heck yeah! Let's pack our bags and teleport right away!" said Chris.

"Sorry, I can't teleport that far," said Yunyun. "There's no long-distance teleport pad in Arcanretia. Must be a border-control thing."

"I guess we'll take a wagon then…" said Kazuma. "I'll head down to the station and pick one out."

"I'll come with you!" said Darkness.

"It's okay, you can just stay here and hang out with…"

"No, I insist!" Darkness simply smiled and moved a little closer. Kazuma barely noticed, but Megumin's eyes literally darkened.

A bit later…

On their way to the station, Darkness and Kazuma decided to drop by Wiz's shop to buy some traveling things. As you can imagine, Vanir was the one who greeted them.

"Greetings, a crusader who still wishes for me to possess her!" he said. "It would seem that you wish to purchase some items for your trip!"

"Hey… I do not still want you to possess me…" Darkness blushed and turned away.

"Hey, what's that?" Kazuma asked. Stacked up high were several large boxes containing a multitude of a rather unusually shaped object.

"Ah yes." Vanir took one out. "Another one of Wiz's insane choices for products. It is designed with the intention of being a portable toilet for adventurers. However, it tends to attract monsters and also flood small areas. I'm going to return them before she comes to." Vanir indicated to Wiz's unconscious body on the floor.

"Seriously?" said Kazuma. "That's crazy!"

"Yes…" Vanir put it away. "For whatever reason, the harder that Wiz works, the poorer she seems to get. I really don't understand how she was even able to keep this shop running before Beldia and I started working here. Anyways, I recently discovered an unusually shaped magical sword. I'll sell it to you at a substantial discount."

"Unusually shaped?" said Kazuma. Vanir nodded and reached over to a nearby shelf and pulled off something Kazuma thought he'd never see again. A katana, exactly like the kind from Japan. Glowing with a light silvery shimmer, curved just perfectly, and sharpened on one side, perfect for a duel.

"It is interesting…" said Darkness. "But I think I will stick with Indestructible for now."

"I'll take it!" said Kazuma. "How much?"

"Fifteen-thousand eris?"

"Sold!" Kazuma handed over the cash and Vanir gave him the sword. Feeling a rush of excitement and nostalgia, Kazuma promptly struck a pose he had seen in a manga.

"It looks great on you!" said Darkness. "But why are you so enthusiastic about this particular type of sword?"
"It's a katana!" he said. "A kind of weapon from my homeland that's sharpened on only one side. Oh, didn't you say this was magical?"

"Indeed it is!" said Vanir. "It glows in the dark!"

"...What?"

"It's a glow-in-the-dark katana! Great for if you find yourself attacked whilst in a dark cave."

"That's… actually sorta smart!" said Kazuma. "Oh, I should give this a super-cool name!"

"Sure!" said Vanir. "This name talisman comes free with weapon purchases. Just write your choice of name on it, and stick to the handle."

"Will do!" said Kazuma. "Let's go Darkness! And my new partner!"

"Yes, Kazuma!"

"Hold on there," said Vanir. He indicated to Wiz's sleeping body. "Will you take her with you? A vacation could be just what she needs."

"Sure!" said Kazuma, as Darkness hoisted the lich onto her back. "The more the merrier!"

A bit later…

With a bit of help from Aqua, the group had picked out a good caravan in a large wagon train. However, the presence of a lich soon drew attention from a certain silver-haired friend.

"No way am I sitting in the same caravan as a filthy, life-breaking, undead!" she said.

"Okay, I guess you're sitting in the back then," said Kazuma.

"What? Hey, that's not…" Chris was about to protest before she stopped and realized her predicament.

"By the way, she's fading," said Aqua, nonchalantly pointing at Wiz.

"EH?" Kazuma gasped. "Quick, heal her! No wait, that doesn't work on the undead! Crap, what do I do…"

Immediately, he grabbed the back of Darkness' neck.

"Drain touch!"

"GAAAH!" she shrieked, her face blushing red as a tomato. At once, Wiz's form filled in with color.

"Phew!" said Kazuma. "That was a close one! Sorry, Darkness…"

"No…" Darkness let out an erotic sigh. "I'm so close, I need to..."

"Are you serious?" said Kazuma. "Does your perversion know no limits?"

"Nngh!" she arched her back and let out a moan.

Great, you just had to open your big mouth and turn her on even more!

"Now, there's a bit of an issue here." the driver explained. "You see, one of the seats was sold out to someone else's baby red dragon. If you guys wanna ride, three of you'll have to sit in the back with the bags."

"Hm…" Kazuma scratched his chin. "How to decide who sits in the back…"

"I'll do it!" said Chris. "As long as I don't have to sit with Wiz, I'll be fine."

"Okay, that's one spot taken," said Kazuma. "Any other volunteers?"

Nobody else raised their hand.

"I know!" said Aqua. "Let's play rock-paper-scissors to decide!"

"Sounds fair," said Megumin. "Let's do it!"

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

Somehow, Kazuma had scissors, while everyone else showed paper.

"Hah!" he said. "You never let me down, scissors!"

"Hey, this isn't by elimination!" said Aqua. "We're supposed to keep playing until one of us loses the most!"

"Or we could do this," said Kazuma. "You and I play five games, and if I lose even once, I'll sit in the back."

"What? The probability of that is… uh…"

"Nevermind that," said Kazuma. "I'll play in this order: scissors, paper, rock, scissors, paper."

"Hah, you expect to win if you tell me what you'll play?" Aqua cackled. 'Alright, let's do this!"

Five games later…

"WHAT?" said Aqua. Kazuma chuckled.

"I don't know why, but for some reason, I always win at rock, paper, scissors. And even if my opponent is trying to cheat, I psyche them out by announcing what I'll throw and determining whether or not they'll trust me via poker tells."

"Wow…" Chris blinked. "That's amazing."

"So yeah, you're sitting in the back, Aqua," said Kazuma. "Alright, one last spot!"

"But Kazuma~"

The remaining party members threw out their hands.

"Rock, paper, scissors!"

In the end, Chris, Aqua, and Darkness sat in the back. After that, Megumin said

"Many think that rock, paper, scissors is pure luck when it is truly a complex tactical mind game. And since magic stems from the mind, those who are good at the game are also the greatest spellcasters!"

"I see…" said Chris. "That's a load of nonsense."

"No, she's right," said Kazuma. "Where I come from, there are entire tournaments for rock-paper-scissors."

"Seriously?" her eyes widened.

So the party began their journey to Arcenretia. Thanks to the seating arrangement, arguments were kept to a minimum and Chris was satisfied. Aqua, however…

"Kazuma! My butt hurts! It'd be really nice if you'd switch with me!"

Kazuma let out a sigh.

"Can you make it to the next stop?"

"I can't wait that long!"

You know, in retrospect, a torn-up map shouldn't be able to solve everything.

"I know!" said Yunyun. "Let's play a game to pass the time!"

"How about Runeslayer?' Megumin held up a deck of cards.

"Sure!" Yunyun took her own deck out of her pocket. "Then today we shall duel with trading cards!"

"You guys have trading cards at the Crimson Demon village?"

"Of course! Card games are the essence of Crimson Demon values!" said Megumin.

"I have a spare deck if you want to play, Kazuma." Yunyun held out a box.

"Sure! But I've never played before."

As the three of them drew starting hands, Kazuma realized something.

Hey… these cards are all from various trading card games from Japan! And there's even a Black Lotus! I guess some guy who reincarnated must've invented them or something.

"It's time to raise the flag, my vanguard!" Megumin and Yunyun grabbed the cards from the bottom of their decks and revealed them on the table.

Wow… that's not even clever.

KONOSUBA

"Damage check, no trigger." Yunyun sighed. "You win, Megumin."

"That was awesome!" said Kazuma.

Megumin chuckled as her eyes lit up again.

"Now you see that Crimson Demon card games are the best in the world!"

"I guess…" Kazuma chuckled. "I should get into this…"

"You know, Megumin," said Yunyun. "You have a really impressive deck, but I've never seen you buy any cards at the store. What's up with that?"

"Oh, I didn't buy any of my cards," said Megumin. "A friend gave me a starter deck, and I got the rest of my cards by betting them on games. Which I always won." Megumin smirked.

"That's both dirty and genius," said Kazuma.

"One could say the same about you, Kazuma," said Megumin.

"Hey!"

Just then, the driver glanced to the side and gasped.

"Hey… if I didn't know better, I'd say that pack of Hawk Kites was heading right for us. But that can't be right, they only charge at heavy things. Must be a boulder nearby or something."

At the mentions of monsters, Kazuma's ears perked up. He turned around to face the driver.

"Hey uh, did you say there's a pack of somethings heading our way?"

"Oh yeah, they're called Hawk Kites." said the driver. "They run at things that are big and heavy and then dodge at the last second. It's some kind of elaborate game of chicken to impress the females. I don't think we've got anything to worry about though unless we were transporting a stock of adamantite, or a cursed hammer, we should be fine."

"Heavy?" said Kazuma. He slowly turned around to face Darkness.

"Kazuma! There's a crowd of aggressive-looking males heading this way! It would seem that they're looking right at me like Beldia once did!"

Meanwhile…

"Why do I get the weird feeling someone just got the wrong idea about me?" said Beldia.

Back to the others…

At this point, Yunyun's eyes widened.

"Those are hawk kites! They must be heading towards Darkness because of her huge manly muscles!"

Darkness stared at Yunyun with a blank expression.

"Friend Yunyun, in spite of my physique, I am still a woman. I think the more likely explanation is my armor, which was forged with a hint of adamantite."

Kazuma looked at her skeptically while Yunyun glanced to the side.

"I-I assure you it is my armor! I myself am not heavy at all!" Darkness blushed. "Yunyun, tell him it's my armor!"

Yunyun took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Darkness! I'm so, so sorry!"

Kazuma let out a sigh.

"Don't be sorry Yunyun, there are things we all need to accept about ourselves. But more importantly, looks like we'll be dealing with this problem. Again."

"They're getting closer!" said the driver, reeling in his horses. "Hey, you guys better sit tight until the adventurers we hired to guard these wagons deal with the Hawk Kites."

Darkness simply smiled at him.

"I'm sorry, but it is our duty…"

"Wait, what?" he said.

"...as adventurers, to protect all, regardless of what we may think."

"Uh, you really don't…"

"In addition, these monsters are particularly ferocious…"

"You should really stop right now."

"...Males in heat no less."

"Uh, what are you doing?"

"And as a crusader, I have the most obligation to protect, so…"

"I don't think I like where this is going."

"...I must take care of this!" Darkness leaped out of the wagon. "LEEROY JENKINS!"
The driver blinked and stared incredulously at the others.

"That there lady's got a man's name? And I sure ain't never heard of anyone called Leeroy Jenkins before."

"I'm sorry…" said Kazuma. "I taught her that."

"It's her catchphrase," said Megumin. "Alright, let's move out Team Konosuba!"

"Team Con-a-what now?"

Immediately, the six of them leaped out of the wagon, eyeing the crowd of ostrich-like monsters heading right for them.

I mean, I'd really rather not, but this is kind of our fault. It's just like mom said: It's bad luck to cut shiitake mushrooms lengthwise. Wait, not that! That thing mom said about taking responsibility! Wait, I can't remember that! I'll just remember to ask her later.

Oh right, I'm in this world and she's in Japan.

"No, we have people for this stuff!" The driver panicked. "You're my passengers!"

As he spoke, several other adventures exited other nearby wagons in the train. In fact, Kazuma spotted and all-too familiar face.

"MITSURUGI KYOUYA?" he gasped.

"Kazuma?" Kyouya's eyes widened. "Oh, never thought I'd see you again so soon!"

"Yeah… let's talk about this later!" said Kazuma. "We've got a problem here!"

"Right!" said Kyouya. "Let's put our heads together and think of a plan…"

"LEEROY JENKINS!" Darkness screamed as she ran into the crowd, waving her sword about like a party balloon.

"Aw crap!" said a random adventurer. "She's headed right for them! What's more that Leeroy Jenkins thing seems to be pulling all the aggro! There's no way she'll survive!"

Huh, maybe we do need a Speedwagon. Having a convenient expository character to hype up moments like these is kinda nice. Wait, focus!

"God dammit Darkness!" said Chris. "I can slow them down! Bind!"

A series of ropes flung out of Chris' hands at the army of approaching Hawk Kites, but Darkness leaped in the way and was quickly bound in rope.

"Oh my gosh I made it worse!" said Chris. "So this is what it's like to be Aqua!"

"Hey!" said Aqua.

"Nevermind that!" said Kazuma. "Okay, I have an idea! Megumin, start charging Explosion! Chris, Yunyun, help me get Darkness into the caravan! Aqua, ready some ice spells!"

"Right!"

"Driver, are there any cliffs nearby?"

"Well no, but there's a big cave."

"Good enough!' said Kazuma.

He, Chris, and Yunyun rushed to lift up Darkness.

"Nngh!" Darkness grinned and blushed. "Kazuma, you're being so forward for once!"

"Now's not the time to be weird! You're really heavy!"

"Hey, I'm not heavy! At least specify that my armor is heavy! Oh, here's a good idea! Tie me to the wagon and drag me behind!"

"...What?" said Yunyun.

"Don't ask, just do it!"

For better or for worse, the three of them tied Darkness to the back of the wagon and hopped in themselves.

"They're getting really close!" said Megumin.

"Everyone!" Kazuma yelled. "Do whatever it takes to keep them away!"

"You heard Kazutrash!" said Kyouya, raising his non-magic sword in the air. "Ground Slam!"

"Yes, wait, what did you just call me?"

"Alright, Pervzuma!" said a random archer girl. "Frost Arrow!"

"Loud and clear, Kazuma the great brute!" said a mage. "Minor Paradox!"

Kazuma ignored the nicknames and leaped onto the wagon.

"Alright, let's go!"

The driver didn't ask questions and cracked the reins. Immediately, the wagon flew off in the direction of the aforementioned cave. Darkness let out a shriek as the ground let out behind her and she repeatedly slapped against the hard dirt like a ragdoll.

"Ah! This is thrilling! Do not watch, my friends! I will survive being defiled but my clothes will not!"

"Are you sure that was a good idea?" said Chris.

"Don't look at me, she suggested it!" said Kazuma.

"Second Wind! Darkness yelled. A few pieces of her armor sprung loose.

"Spears of Ice!" Aqua conjured a volley of frozen projectiles. Unsurprisingly, they were simply tossed about by the Hawk Kites before being discarded.

"Again?" said Chris.

"Aw darn it! Oh well, Healing beam!" said Aqua. A stream of yellow light flew out of her staff and into Darkness, presumably healing her.

"Hey… isn't that ability just like Mercy from Overwatch?" said Chris.

"How on earth do you know what that is?" said Aqua.

"Uh… it's a secret?"

"I guess that makes sense…" said the driver.

"No it doesn't!" said Megumin. Then her eyes lit up with an idea. "Hey, Yunyun, why don't you cast Explosion this time?"

"Eh? Me?" she said. "But my Explosions not even that good…"

Megumin simply leaned in.

"Believe in yourself, and you'll get better! Plus, I can fend them off using Killer Queen!"

"Uh, guys!" said the driver. "They're getting closer!"

Even with the other wagons firing various attacks at the Hawk Kites, they pushed forwards with a surprising amount of determination.

"Oh crap," said Kazuma. "Wiz, can you…"

As of now, Wiz was fast asleep, snoring rather loudly.

"YOU'RE SLEEPING NOW?"

"Oh, I know what to do!" Chris grabbed a nearby rope and tied it around her wrist.

"Uh, what are you…" Kazuma said as she leapt out of the wagon's back.

"Chris!" Darkness panicked as the thief flew past her.

The rope suddenly went taught and Chris' boots dug into the dirt, tearing through the ground like a jet ski on the ocean.

She glanced at a nearby Hawk Kite and grinned.

"Alright, let's dance, you!"

She leaped on top of the Hawk Kite, wrestling with the creature like a rodeo bull.

"Holy crap what is that thief doing?" said a random guy.

Chris cut the rope off and wrangled the Hawk Kite just enough to turn it around and send it careening into the cluster of its companions. With a sight that looked strangely similar to bowling, the Hawk Kites flew out and scattered about.

"Rapid Dash!" Chris spread out her arms ninja-style and scurried back the wagon in a blink of an eye, leaping in with the others.

With the Hawk Kites trailing behind, the driver let out a gasp.

"Oh my gosh, that was amazing!" he said. "Hey, maybe you should be a ninja instead of a thief!"

"I'll consider that," she said. "Maybe I'll roll a ninja once I hit the max level on this rig."

"...What?" said Kazuma

"Uh… nothing." Chris shook her head.

"We're coming up to the cave!" said the driver.

"Great!" said Kazuma. "Stop right next to the entrance!"

"Okay!"

The wagon careened and stopped right outside of a large gaping cave. Kazuma leaped out of the wagon and grabbed Darkness, just as the Hawk Kites approached them.

"Sorry Darkness!" he said, hurling the Crusader into the cave. At this point, she only had on her black bodysuit but Kazuma barely noticed.

"Do not worry Kazuma, I will do my best to assist… OOF!"

At once, each of the Hawk Kites expertly hopped over the crusader and into the cave. Once the last one had entered Kazuma yelled

"Yunyun, fire!"

"Uh… darkness crimson kingdom demise ashes kablooey turn into a cream pie? Explosion!" she stammered out a chant.

So… yeah. Kaboom.

When the smoke cleared Kazuma gazed into the cave and gasped at the sight of Darkness' naked body.

Holy… crap! I mean, this isn't the first time I saw her nude but I gotta do something or they'll call me something way worse than Pervzuma!

Kazuma did the only rational thing he could think of at that moment.

"AQUA!"

"Yes, I'm Aqua… Sweet me she's naked!"

One ecchi later…

"Who wants a roasted Hawk Kite?" Kyouya held up a plate of meat. "Only the best for our heroes of the night!"

As everyone had stopped to set up camp, Kyouya decided to show off his new cooking skills. Apparently, he had taken them in order to make more money, lacking the ability to go on difficult quests due to Kazuma taking his sword. Kazuma was grateful for the fact he had Indestructible partially reforged to match Darkness' armor.

"And of course, the first plate goes to you, Lady Aqua."

"Why thank you!" Aqua smiled sweetly at him. Mitsurugi chuckled as Clemea and Fio gave Aqua death glares.

Kazuma rolled his eyes as another familiar face ran up to him.

"Hey there, Kazuma."

"Luna?" he said. "What are you doing here."

The guild employee chuckled and twirled her hair.

"I'm just going on a vacation to Arcanretia," she said. "But I'm still a guild member, and I think what you did today was very impressive!"

"Uh… thanks," he said.

"Seriously! That stunt from Chris, Aqua's impressive feat of healing, Yunyun's Explosion, and of course a plan from such a skilled tactician such as yourself!"

Normally I enjoy being praised, but it really doesn't feel right given we were the ones who caused the problem in the first place.

"Actually, a noble on this trip wanted me to give you this!'' She held out a bag of coins. "Two thousand eris in cash!"

"What? No, I'm afraid we really don't deserve that."

"But of course you do!" Luna smiled. "You save my vacation! And also my secret plan to reject my humanity…"

"What?"

"Uh, that's a secret!"

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said Anna.

Everyone's gaze was suddenly fixed on the doll.

"ANNA?" said Kazuma's party.

"Uh, hello!" she said. "Did I forget to mention that I was inside the cargo?"

"Wait, what?" Aqua paused her display of Nature's Beauty.

"It's okay! I don't feel pain!" she said. "Also, it turns out I can leave the mansion as long it's not through the main gate."

"That's… stupid," said Megumin. "I mean, I'm glad you're here, but who designed these things?"

"Who knows?" said Anna. "And to think, I never figured that out in a hundred years!"

' "That is kinda…" Kazuma said but then he paused. "...I'm sorry, how many years?"

"One hundred," she said. "That makes me one-hundred and eight years old! Why?"

Kazuma stared at her with a blank expression.

Well would you look at that? Legal lolis exist in this world. It sure is a good thing I'm not into them.

'Hey, who's this little cutie?" Mitsurugi walked over and kneeled in front of Anna.

"Oh, that's Anna!" said Yunyun. "She's a Tsukumogami that lives with us!"

"She lives with you?" Kyouya raised an eyebrow. "Kazuma, why do you have two underaged girls in your house?"

"What do you mean, two?" said Megumin.

"Hey man, I assure you I'm not anything like that!" said Kazuma. "Anna just happened to already be living in the abandoned mansion we recently moved into and now she lives with us!"

"Hello!" said Anna. "Are you Mitsurugi Kyouya?"

"Why, yes I am!" he said, suddenly smiling a lot wider. "Now, what's Kazuma been telling such a sweet, lovely, and pure girl such as yourself!"

Anna stared at his open hand with a blank expression.

I'm not quite sure I like the way he's looking at her…

Anna promptly gave him a swift kick in a certain male organ.

"GAH!"

The next thing he knew, Kyouya was sent hurtling off as his two companions chased after him.

"Kyouya!" they yelled.

Kazuma nodded in approval.

"I suppose it would only be inevitable that the occasional lolicon would end up in this world…"

He then noticed Megumin and the others in the middle of the campsite preparing a team pose. Remembering his queues, he quickly ran behind them.

"From running Hawk Kites to Spider-shaped golems!" said Megumin.

"We work together, to best and breakthrough them!" said Darkness, stepping beside her.

"Any obstacle, we will surpass!" Aqua posted on the other side of Darkness.

"We'll save the day, and we'll do it fast!" Chris stood next to Yunyun.

"Enemies beware, for when things get tight…" Yunyun and Chris joined hands.

Aqua hoisted the two girls onto her shoulders, and Kazuma Shadowstepped on top of them all, forming a human pyramid.

"Team Konosuba will make everything right!" they all shouted for one last pose. Megumin lit up a multicolored Killer Queen explosion behind them.

Everyone clapped for their impromptu performance, except for one person who snorted.

"Yeesh, those Crimson Demons sure come up with some crazy names…" he said.

Megumin glared at him.

"Sheer Heart Attack!" she threw chomusuke at him.

"AAAAAAGH!"

Everyone laughed as the man was chased about by the black-winged cat.

Well, I'm glad that's over. Now, to figure out what's the deal with the whole Trashzuma thing…

KONOSUBA

"Kazuma?"

Kazuma knew he had to be dreaming, for there was the sound of an attractive female voice whispering his own name into his ear.

"Kazuma? You should get up."

And therefore, this was the kind of dream where he and this unidentified girl would spend a nice relaxing day together.

"KAZUMA GET UP NOW WE'RE GONNA GET EATEN BY ZOMBIES!"
He yelped as he shot awake, with Darkness at his side. Indeed, several slow-moving undead were shambling towards the camp.

"GAH!" He yelped. "What do we do?"

"Beats me!" said Darkness. "Why are they even heading this way? Zombies usually can't sense humans unless they're really close! Either that or there's some kind of divine being here! But, that's nonsense."

Wait, what?

Kazuma glanced behind him. Indeed, both Aqua and Chris were surrounded by the walking dead.

"AAAGH!" The two of them screamed. "What are you doing?

Of course. Aqua's uncanny ability to draw undead. Not sure why they're interested in Chris though.

"You don't scare me!" Aqua leapt to her feet. "Sacred Turn Undead!"

A massive blue magic circle appeared around the camp, and zombies were all incinerated on the spot. In addition, several of the other adventurers had awoken.

"Wow, she's getting all of them!"

"She's so pretty!"

"Sure is lucky we had such a powerful archpriest around! Especially since the chance of us getting attacked by zombies was next to nothing!"

"Hey, what's going on with Wiz the shopkeeper?"

Kazuma let out a sigh.

Of course. One of my party members made a mess and we have to clean it up. Again.

That night, Kazuma slept with his new sword next to him.

KONOSUBA.

"Hello."

Ah yes, his dream girl had returned to him. A shrill, yet cute voice filled his mind.

"You look very nice."

It felt nice to be complimented. Especially someone with such nice fangs…

Fangs?

Kazuma drew his weapon and scrambled out of bed. Standing over his sleeping bag was a pale-skinned girl with scarlet eyes, similar to a Crimson Demon. Most notably, however, were the two small fangs in her mouth.

"Hello darling." she slowly sauntered forward. Her very revealing dress rivaled that of a succubus from the cafe.

"Uh… who are you?" he said. Fantastic. A vampire. I mean, she's hot but I have to focus!

"I smelled some delicious mana, so I decided to have a little snack." She smiled in a cute way. "There's a tasty mana-filled Crimson Demon here, isn't there? I haven't tasted Crimson Demon blood in centuries."

The vampire slowly looked over to Megumin's sleeping body and grinned.

"And there she is!" she cackled. "If you'll let me have her, I can offer you a lifetime of happiness with me…"

"No thanks!" Kazuma said quickly, taking a fighting stance. Just then, the vampire noticed his sword.

"Chunchunmaru?"

"Eh?" Kazuma glanced at his weapon's handle. Indeed, the name Chunchunmaru had been engraved into it.

"NANI?!" he gasped.

"Oh my gosh…" she restrained herself for a moment before she burst into laughter "OH MY GOSH THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE HEARD IN YEARS!"

She rolled about on the ground, cackling like a banshee.

Kazuma took a deep breath and stabbed her right through the heart, wiping a tear from his eye.

At some point, someone is going to have to read "The Legend of Chunchunmaru, the magic sword that can glow in the dark and kill vampires." I pity that person.

"Kazuma?" Megumin opened her eyes. "Did you like the name I gave your sword?"

"IT WAS YOU?"

That night, neither Kazuma nor Megumin got much sleep.

KONOSUBA

"Behold, Arcenretia!" Aqua said when they arrived.

"You were right, Aqua." Darkness said. "This place is absolutely gorgeous!"

"We should try some of the steam buns here!" said Megumin. "I've heard they're the best in the world."

"I can't wait to have a nice bath!" said Yunyun. "I've never been to a hot spring before!'

"Me too! Mixed bath for me!" Kazuma announced as the rest of his party gave him eye-rolls and cold stares.

"You know, I can't help but feel that I'ms forgetting something very important." Chris tapped her chin.

"You know what I'm most excited about?" said Aqua. "Arcenretia is not only the best place for hot springs, but it's also the home base of the Axis church!"

"...Come again?" said Kazuma.

"THE AXIS CHURCH?" Wiz yelped before fainting on the spot.

Almost immediately afterward, a man dressed in robes and carrying an ornate book ran up too them.

"Hello!" he said

"Uh… Hi?" Megumin recoiled at how close he was.

"My name is Cousin Price!" he presented the book he was holding. "And I would like to share with you, the most amazing book!"

"Uh, no thanks!" said Chris, trying to fake a smile. "We're good…"

The six of them began to shuffle on before a second person appeared in front of them.

"Hello!" This time it was a woman. "My name is Cousin Gran. Here's a book about our bright city, from a long long time ago!"

"Thank you for offering!" Megumin swiftly moved around her, but not before a third person shoved a similar book in her face.

"We have..." he said. "So many awesome perks!"

"Uh…"

"You simply won't believe how much our church can change your life!" he struck a rather sloppy pose.

"2/10," Megumin remarked.

A fourth person appeared, this time carrying a basket of soap.

"Oh my gosh, what are you people doing?" Chris tried to back out but the soap-carrying person stopped her.

"Hello!" he said. "My name is Cousin Green!"

"Well, who could've guessed that…"

"And I would like to share with you some soap that you can bite!"

"What?" Chris said as the man handed her a bar of soap. Aqua was already munching on one of her own.

"Hello!" said another person. "My name is Cousin Young!"

"Hello?"

"Did you know that Aqua loves us all? Yes, even you!"

The first book-wielding priest suddenly appeared near Kazuma.

"Gah!" Kazuma yelped. "Do you guys have teleportation magic or something?"

The priest ignored him and presented his book once more.

"You can read all about it now!"

"I uh, don't have a lot of money at the moment…" Kazuma tried to move away.

"Oh no, this nifty book, it's free, you don't have to pay!"

"Uh…"

At this point, a small crowd had gathered around the party.

"Hello! My name is Cousin Smith. Could you just sign right here and that will be all!"

"Hello, hello!"

One of the priests tried to drop the book into their bags.

"I'll just leave it here. It has a lot of information you can really use!"

"Hello-"

"Hi!"

"My names is-"

"Goddess Aqua-"

"You love a lovely wife-"

"Hello!"

"Its some amazing soap!"

"This book gives you the secret to a joyful life!"

"ENOUGH!" Megumin shouted at the top of her lungs, just one of the priests tried to shove soap down her throat.

"Thank you Megumin!" said Kazuma.

"Oh well…" said a random person.

Kazuma was pretty sure he had broken a record for how fast they had run away from that encounter.

"Aren't my followers wonderful!" Aqua smiled at her party. "And they're really good singers!"

"I don't understand… is this some kind of reference?" said Kazuma.

"If anyone gets it, they've definitely crossed some kind of pop-culture event horizon," Chris noted.

"What do you mean by that?" said Megumin.

"It's a secret."

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said Kazuma. "Wait, what?"

KONOSUBA.

Eventually, Kazuma and friends had made it to an inn and booked a room for a week.

"Ah, finally!" Chris rested herself on a couch. "It feels so nice to get away from all those people! They sure are persistent."

"No kidding," said Kazuma. "And Eris forbid what Aqua could be doing right now."

"Don't worry!" said Chris. "I sent Megumin and Yunyun after her. Those two will definitely keep her in check!"

"If you say so…" said Kazuma. "Hey, is it just me, or is Wiz a lot sleepier lately?"

"I suppose it has something to do with being a lich…" Darkness tapped her chin. "But I am sure she will be fine. In the meantime, why don't we go do some sightseeing?"

"Oh, great idea!" said Kazuma. "You coming, Chris?"

"Heck no!" Chris scoffed. "The Axis sect absolutely despises Eris believers, going out there would be a nuclear hellstorm on my faith."

"Makes sense," said Darkness. "Anyway Kazuma, we should also try some of those Arcan steam buns Megumin was talking about…"

"Steam buns?" Chris suddenly zipped over. "Well, what are we waiting for let's go!"

As Chris pulled on her shoes, Darkness and Kazuma exchanged looks.

"I never took her for the gluttonous type…" said Darkness.

"Maybe she didn't eat that great before she met us," Kazuma said. "I mean, she is a thief. Hey Anna, why don't you come with us?"

"Really? Yay!" said Anna.

A bit later…

"These really are amazing!" Kazuma took another bite of his bun. "It's a shame the guy selling them to us kept trying to offer discounts in exchange for joining the Axis sect."

"I know, right?" said Chris. Just then, a nearby woman yelped as she tripped and her basket of apples was sent rolling everywhere.

"Owie…" she said. "Oh no, my apples!"

"Don't worry, we'll help you!" Darkness moved to assist. Kazuma, Anna, and Chris took after and started helping the woman pick up her produce.

"Thank you!" she said. "It's so kind of you to help someone you don't even know."

"Hey, it was no problem!" Chris chuckled. Huh. Maybe I was wrong about this town. Surely there's gotta be plenty of sensible people here.

"In fact…" The woman leaned in closer towards Kazuma and blushed. "I"d really like to thank you properly."

Is… is my harem aura growing stronger? Yeesh, who knows how many innocent girls I've unintentionally hooked!

"There's this fun little cafe just down the street run by the Axis church!" she said. "We could go there and have a nice chat!"

NEVERMIND! MAYDAY! MADAY! TAKE EVASIVE ACTIONS! ABORT SUBPLOT! REPEAT! ABORT SUBPLOT!

"Thanks, but we're good, Kazuma bowed and tried to leave, but the girl grabbed his hand.

"No, I insist!" she smiled, somewhat more menacingly than before. "I'm really good at telling fortunes! Wanna know yours?"

"No thanks!" he said. "Life's no fun if you know what's coming!"

"Besides, I'm the superior fortune teller here," Chris stated bluntly. The girl raised an eyebrow at the thief.

"Really?"

"Of course! Fortune and the future go hand in hand, and my goddess wields both. Thus, I predict…" Chris dramatically pointed at the woman. "That the next thing you say will be 'You're a member of the Eris Church, aren't you, thief?'."

"You're a member of the Eris Church, aren't you, thief?" the woman spat back before realizing what she said.

"Precisely!" Chris cackled, "Now scram!"

The woman let out a groan and turned tail. Kazuma raised an eyebrow.

She chastises me for making a Jojo reference and then she goes and says Joseph's catchphrase to a stranger? Yeesh.

"That was kind of scary... " Anna slowly walked into Darkness' arms.

"How did you know what she would say?" Darkness asked.

"Oh, it's just a small benefit from having high luck," said Chris. "Usually when I guess something, it's right. But only in certain situations. Like, I can guess what people say a small window of time before they say it." Chris noted.

"Does that have something to do with the thing you do where you say "it's a secret" and everyone stops thinking about what they were talking about?"

"That's a secret," said Chris.

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said a random bystander. "Also, can I interest you in a poster of our goddess Aqua?" he held up a picture of Aqua. "It comes free if you join the Axis sect! And I happen to have a registration form right here!"

"SHUT UP!" Chris threw a knife right through the poster. The man frowned and shouted back.

"You're gonna have to pay for that full price! Unless of course, you sign this form!"

Chris sighed and threw some coins at him.

"Thank you!"

Anna laughed at the four of them moved on.

KONOSUBA!

"AAAGH oh no! This nasty-looking Eris brute wants to snatch me up and drag me into an alley!"

"NOPE NOPE WE ARE NOT DOING THIS!" said Kazuma, holding Anna's head forwards. "They're not even good actors…"

"Hey, don't abandon me!" the girl whined "Just sign this form and you'll be blessed by the goddess Aqua and then this creepy guy will leave me alone!"

"Absolutely I would!" said the guy. "The Axis faith also has tons of perks! Like being really good at party tricks, taming magical creatures, turning undead, and bending water to your wills!"

"Boo!" Chris turned around.

"Chris, dear, not in front of Anna," said Darkness, covering Anna's ears.

"Eh? What's going on?" she said.

Just then, Chris turned around to face them with a wicked smile.

"You wanna know what a real Erisite is like?" She raised her arm. "Oh, Eris, goddess of fortune! Curse these insolent fools with thirteen minutes of misfortune!"

"Eh?" said the girl. "I'm not quite sure I follow."

As if on queue, a crazed woman with a wheelbarrow ran down the street and accidentally knocked the two of them into the waterways. Chris laughed as she heard the splash.

"Uh…" Kazuma took his hands off Anna's head and was about to say something.

"It's a secret!" Chris said.

"I guess that makes sense…"

"No it doesn't!" said the woman with the wheelbarrow. "Anyways, it would seem I've come across a lovely family outing!"

Not one of the four of them felt like correcting her.

"Can I interest any of you in some detergent blessed by our lady Aqua? It's fast-acting, non-toxic, hydroelectrotonical, and edible!"

The walked on past.

Note: Hydroelectrotonical is not a real word. Nor is it a reference. Just like most of the words in mattress commercials.

"We don't look like a family, do we?" said Chris. "Because if so I think I might need to wear a disguise around here…"

"I don't really see the harm in it." Darkness noted. "We are, of course, as close as family, are we not?"

"Yeah, I guess so…" Kazuma ran back through all their adventures. Man, I really have come a long way since I died.

"I've always thought of you guys as cousins!" Anna smiled. Darkness laughed.

"You do often remind of my young cousin, Iris Stylish-Sword Belzerg. She's a princess."

"A princess?" Anna said. "Like Princess Kaguya or Princess Hatsune Miku?"

Did… did someone from my world spread Japanese fairy tales around in this one? And turn Hatsune Miku into a fairy tale as well? It's not even an anime!

"Not really," said Darkness. "Iris has always wanted to run away and go on adventures like us. I think you'd get along pretty well with her, Anna."

KONOSUBA

"Congratulations! You're the one-millionth person to walk down this street! I'd love to give you your prize, but this Axis Church is sponsoring this! So if you could just sign right here, that'd be great!"

"Hey, it's you again! Oh, you don't recognize me? We sat together in class! Maybe I've just changed a lot since I've joined the Axis sect! You should join too, then we can start making new memories together!"

"Wanna make five million Eris a month from home? Join the Axis sect and you can do just that!"

"Join the Axis Sect, and your bedroom performance will increase dramatically!"

"Hot singles women live in your area! The Axis Sect will help you find them!"

"I am a deposed Devil Princess named Serena! Please join the Axis Sect and help me make ends meet! I'll make it worth your while!"

"Hey, what's that demon doing here?"

"Oh crud, AAAAGH!"

Kazuma ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"How many of these people are there?" he exclaimed. Darkness simply moaned in ecstasy.

"It feels good to be looked on for my religion…" she blushed heavily. "I used to think that only men could satisfy me, but this town… is full of beautiful and ruthless women!"
"I don't even wanna know what's going on with her," said Kazuma.

"Some kind of awakening?" said Chris.

Meanwhile, Anna suddenly realized she had gotten separated from the group in a dark alleyway.

"Oh no…" she said. A young girl around her age suddenly ran past and tripped. Anna forgot her fear and ran up to her.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" she said, helping the other girl up. There were tears in her eyes and looked at her bruised knee.

"Owie…" she said.

"Oh, hang on!" Anna overlapped her hands over the girl's leg. "Cure Wounds!"

At once, her hands began to glow. The girl stopped crying and stared in awe. When Anna took her hands away, the wound was gone.

"Wow! You know healing magic?" The girl said in amazement.

"I do!" Anna smiled. "I learned it from my Archpriest friend. It took a couple of tries, but I can use it really well now! I can't wait to show my friends!"

"What? You must never do that!" The girl suddenly said.

"Eh? Why? They're my friends."

"That may be true, but it's illegal for kids to use magic!" said the girl. "That's why I don't tell anyone about my water magic! Oh, don't tell anyone I told you that."

"You have water magic?"

"Sure I do." The girl closed her eyes and held her hands out in front of her. A small globe of water appeared in front of her. Within a few seconds, it fell and splashed on the ground.

"Wow!" said Anna. "That's so cool!"

"But you must never tell anyone, or you'll get sent to jail forever!"

"Forever?" Anna panicked.

"Yes!" The girl nodded. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about your healing magic."

"Thank you!" Anna said.

"Oh, and just to be safe…" The girl pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. "Why don't you join the Axis Sect? That'll make us real friends!"

"There you are!" Kazuma and friends ran into the alleyway. "Even the kids here are trying to convert people? That's it, no more trusting anyone in this town!"

"Hi, Kazuma!" Anna ran up to them. As they left, she turned around one last time. The girl put her fingers to her lips and winked.

Once they were gone, the girl let out a sigh.

"Aw…" she moped. "I almost had her…"

KONOSUBA

Later that day, Kazuma and companions came across a large crowd, observing two performers.

"Eh?" said Kazuma. "What's going on here?"

"This is amazing..." said a random girl.

"Those Crimson Demons sure are freaky…" said a guy.

Wait… did he say Crimson Demon?

Upon closer inspection, Kazuma saw two of his party members wearing costumes in the center of the crows. Yunyun wore a white bonnet whilst Megumin had on her old eyepatch.

"I'm getting sick of your games!" Megumin violently grabbed Yunyun by the neck. "Hand over your cash or you'll be sorry!"

"No, please! I have three kids to feed and no husband! This is all I have left in the world!"

"Drop the sob story and give me your wallet!"

"What's going on here?" Kazuma stepped in. Megumin's eyes widened for a second but she snapped back.

"Move along chump, I got an extra hand for you!"

Ah, live meet-and-greet entertainment. Cool. Well, it looks like everyones's looking at me. Might as well play along.

"Move along my ass!" Kazuma drew his blade. "If you're gonna harass this fine lady then it just became my business!"

"Bring it on, buster!" Megumin snarled.

After that, the two of them engaged in an elaborate and melodramatic pseudo-fight, involving Chunchunmaru, a couple of exchanges of cleverly arranged fistfights, some of Kazuma skills in an exaggerated manner, and a demonstration of Killer Queen. Eventually, Megumin pretended to be hurt and fell to the ground groaning. Yunyun stepped in.

"Oh, thank you so much kind sir!" she smiled and moved in closer. "I don't know what I would've done without you! You're my hero! Could I ever hope to repay you?"

Kazuma just smiled and gently tilted Yunyun's head upwards to face him.

"I don't need any pay. The fact that I was able to help such gorgeous young lady as yourself is a reward enough."

The two of them began to slowly lean in, their eyes shining, and their hair blowing about for some reason and cherry blossom flowers floated in until…

"END SCENE!" Megumin practically screamed. She got to her feet and turned to the crowd. "...And that everyone, is a scene I like to call 'Hero, mugger, and damsel.' Can anyone tell me what sold the scene?"

"Uh… that Kazuma guy?" said a random girl.

"Close, but no," said Megumin. "It's the mindset I was in. I needed to make myself completely unsympathetic, so Kazuma could get the spotlight. I did that by ignoring Yunyun's wants and needs and acting like a jerk. And with that, this lesson on Crimson Demon acting is complete! Goodbye, everyone!"

The crowd of Axis Cultists clapped and threw some coins at a bowing Megumin. Just then, Kazuma and Yunyun separated.

"What the… WHAT?"

"Thanks for the improv, Kazuma!" Megumin chuckled. "You really helped me complete that scene! You're a surprisingly good actor, you know that?'

"Thanks. What was all this for anyway?"

"For teaching purposes!" Megumin smiled, her familiar eye-glow returning. "I realized that this city was lacking in its performances, and I, as a Crimson Demon, needed to prove that my culture has superior acting skills and to help the Axis Sect get better at their dumb recruitment plays!"

As they talked, Yunyun was having trouble mitigating the blush on her face.

Kazuma is such a strange boy. For the most part he seems to be nothing of interest, but every now and then he's… absolutely dreamy!

Aqua winked and stopped throwing the cherry blossom petals at them.

Chapter Text

"ALRIGHT! WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE! I DEMAND TO GIVE THEM A PIECE OF MY MIND IMMEDIATELY!" Kazuma yelled as he burst into what Aqua told him was the main church.

"Oh my…" A random priestess with a disturbingly joyful smile walked up. "Hello, sir. Can I offer you a baptism? Or are you here for prayer? Or maybe… you want me?"

"Eh? You?" Kazuma flushed as the girl swiftly closed the distance between them.

"Oh no, that was a joke!" she suddenly began to laugh. "I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book!"

Kazuma growled and grit his teeth to suppress the overwhelming urge to verbally pulverize her.

"Nevermind that, can I speak to the high priest? I'd like to have a word with the person organizing all the crap I've been going through!"

"Oh yes, that would be me!" she said. "I'm Cecily, the high priestess of the Axis Church!"

"Seriously?" Kazuma raised an eyebrow. This crazy chick is the high priestess? In retrospect, I probably should've seen this coming. "Forget what I said, I'm out of here. Hey Megumin! Grab Darkness and tell her we're going back to the inn! Wait, where is Megumin?"

"Megumin? Who's Megumin?"

Just then, the archwizard in question dejectedly trudged into the church, her equally depressed-looking rival right behind her.

"We messed up. We messed up so badly…" Megumin muttered.

"Come on, what's wrong?"

"After the acting lesson, they started getting even MORE insistent, so Yunyun and I had to make a break for it."

"Now I can never get married…" Yunyun whined.

Wait, are arranged marriages a thing in this world too? I mean, she is the daughter of a chief… hey shut up brain, focus on finding the other two!

"Where's Aqua and Darkness?" said Kazuma. Cecily walked over.

"Oh, you mean the blonde woman outside currently being stoned by the children?" she said.

I'll just pretend I didn't hear that.

"Kazuma, Kazuma!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma-Wait, Aqua?"

Aqua was currently waving at the group from a nearby confessional booth, beckoning them inside. Exchanging glances at one another, the three of them entered, finding both Aqua and Chris sitting inside.

"Aqua, what the heck are you doing in here?" said Kazuma. "Come on, let's get out of here before someone tries to trick us into joining your religion again!"

"Aren't my followers just the best?" Aqua smiled. Chris groaned.

"You know, the only reason you're stronger than Eris is that all of your followers are absolute psychos that are obsessed with you."

"Well, quality surpasses quantity, I always say," Aqua chuckled as someone entered the confessional on the other side. Cecily's voice was then heard.

"O, dear sister, I have sinned," she said. "Yet again, I have used my name in favor of the true High Priest of the church, while he was out screwing around."

"The sins of the High Priest mitigate yours." Aqua recited with the eloquence of a well-trained actress. "Is there anything else that bothers you?"

"Well, you see…" Cecily gulped. "Usually I'm attracted to spry and youthful girls, like the adorable Crimson Demon with the eyepatch that I came across earlier today, or the barely-budding chest of the silver-haired thief she was with. However… lately I've been finding myself being led astray…"

"Wait, what?!" Chris's eyes widened. Aqua silenced her with a hand.

"By the bountiful breasts of the goddess Eris!" Cecily let out a sob. "It confounds me to no end and causes me to lose hours, no, days of sleep! Please forgive me, I cannot get that goddesses chest out of my head!"

"Rest yourself and be forgiven, dear follower," Aqua said. "Whether thou lovest small bodies, or large bodies, love in and of itself is never a sin, as long as it remains within the realm of law and living, be it child, woman, man, or even animal, love what you love."

More sobbing was heard, much to Kazuma's befuddlement.

"Let me share with you some words that may bring you sleep once again. Eris pads her chest."

SMACK!

Chris's head slammed against a nearby wall.

"The goddess Eris… pads her chest…" Cecily let out a small gasp. "Of course, It all makes sense now! I feel as if a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders!"

SMACK!

"Yes, say it with me now, and let the whole world know of these words."

"Eris pads her chest."

SMACK, SMACK

"Thank you! I shall tell all who shall listen!" Cecily walked out of the confessional with a spring in her step. "ERIS PADS HER CHEST!"

SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK!

Kazuma was genuinely concerned Chris would get a concussion.

"Aqua, how could you!" Megumin sternly exclaimed.

"Finally, something sensible is said!" said Chris.

"You never told us you were such an amazing actress! We could put on our own play!"

"I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!" Chris slammed her face into the wood again. "Huh, so this is what it feels like to be Kazuma…"

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

"Not you, Yunyun. You're just a dork."

"Oh… Hey!"

Ignoring his party members, Kazuma turned to Aqua.

"Seriously though, are you sure it's a good idea to trash-talk your junior?" he said. Aqua simply smiled in her usual Aqua fashion.

"My followers mean everything to me! Not only do I love the things they do for me, but a goddess's power comes directly from the strength and quantity of their worshippers! That's what I'm stronger than Eris, the whole Axis religion loves me from the bottom of their hearts. I'd do anything for them!" she said.

"So… you're an idol?"

"Yes, that's accurate. Oh, I bet I could be a great idol in your old world Kazuma! When we finally defeat the Devil King, get ready to see me as a rising star!"

Kazuma thought hard about it and decided that Aqua could probably become the most well-loved girl in Japan if she wanted to. Of course, he wouldn't be cheering her on stage anytime soon.

"We're home!' Megumin said as the adventurers entered their room at the inn, where Wiz was currently playing a game of chess with Anna. Having still to learn the game's rules, Kazuma wasn't quite sure who was winning.

"Oh…" Wiz looked taken aback. "That's a really good move…"

"Hi, Kazuma!" Anna waved at her friends.

"How was the town?" said Wiz.

"Scary," said Yunyun.

"Offensive," said Megumin.

"Weird," said Kazuma.

"Delightful!" said Darkness.

"Where's Aqua?" said Wiz.

"She wanted to go check out one of the hot springs or something," said Kazuma. "Speaking of which, I'm heading down for a bath."

No response.

"I said, I'm heading down for a bath."

Still no response.

"They're really good here!" Wiz remarked. "Everyone was out, so I had the mixed bath all to myself!"

"That sounds nice," said Chris. "What do you guys think?"

"Just as long as it's not in the mixed bath." Megumin glared at Kazuma.

"Hey! Whaddya think I'm gonna do?"

"I don't know. And that's what I'm afraid of."

"Aah… now this is a vacation. Water heated to the perfect temperature, sweet-smelling soap of the finest quality, the gentle sound of running water, and the best part is…" he grinned and glanced at a nearby woman. "It's a mixed bath."

Just as he was getting a really good view, someone loudly proclaimed from next to him "Like what you see?"

Kazuma glanced over his shoulder and gasped. It was Cecily.

"Yeah, she's really hot, isn't she?" the priestess smiled with a lewd blush. "Though, my dream girl is definitely a lot… smaller."

What the actual-

"I don't know about you, but in my future, I wanna have a bunch of cute little girls doting on me all day long! Heck, I could adopt some from the orphanage to redeem my sins for the next few years! Oh yes, my Thrilling, Fully-Loaded, Lovely Girl, Harem Plan grows ever closer to reality!"

I should probably leave before…

"Oh, and one more thing…" She put an arm around Kazuma's shoulder. "How do you like the idea of having a few daughters?"

"SHADOWSTEP!"

Kazuma vanished and reappeared on the other side of the bath.

You know… I'm starting to understand the value of consent. Maybe I should talk to girls before I try and engage in lewd activities with them…

Eh, I'll compromise.

"She's a real weirdo, ain't she?" an older male voice sounded. Squatting at the edge of the bath was a slightly tan man with short brown hair.

"You think so too?" said Kazuma. The other man laughed.

"Oh, not just her! This whole town is nutsy-cuckoo in the brain holder! I can barely leave my inn without getting swamped with people trying to convert me and give me their stupid soap…"

"You too?" Kazuma glanced at him. The two stared for a while before laughing.

"I like you, kid. My name is Hans." said the man.

"I'm Kazuma. Nice to meet you."

"Yeah, well don't get too used to me. As soon as I finish my business here, I'm getting out as soon as I can." Hans remarked. "Though I gotta admit, the steam buns are pretty great here."

"You know it." Kazuma's eyes wandered over to the women's bath, protected by a tall wall from prying eyes. "Hey Hans, do you have a lover here?"

He shook his head.

"Sadly not. I'm not great at talking to women. What about you?"

"Well, I live with five other girls, but they're all friends."

"All of them?" Hans raised an eyebrow. "You haven't at least thought about… you know… taken one of them to bed?"

"Yeah, I've thought that. While Darkness has a seriously great body, she's a hardcore, and I mean REALLY hardcore masochist so much so that it turns me off. Then there's Aqua, who I've always tried to see in a sexual light, but I really can't picture as anything else but my really annoying best friend. Chris, Megumin, and Yunyun I've all considered, and they're all pretty well-rounded in both looks and personality. The issue is… well… I'm kind of scared."

"Scared?" Hans sat down. "I mean, two of them are Crimson Demons…"

"No, not because of that." Kazuma sighed. "It's just… I've always been the kind who tries to live in the easiest way possible, and having a relationship just… isn't easy. And then there's the matter of me messing up. While I wouldn't be caught dead having them hear me say this, I do make mistakes and I can't stop thinking that… if I ever got rejected or broke up with someone… I don't know if I could handle it. Why am I saying all of this suddenly?"

"It's something in the water," Hans said. "It makes you feel great."

"Yeah, that's probably it." Kazuma chuckled. "I have a feeling we're gonna be getting along great, Hans."

That evening, Kazuma returned to the inn where Aqua was currently sobbing into Wiz's lap.

"Do I even want to ask?" he said.

"KAZUMA! THEY KICKED ME OUT OF THE BATH! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I PURIFY STUFF THAT I TOUCH!"

"Is that so? Well, you really should be more aware of that factor."

"And the worst part is, when I told the High Priest that I was their goddess, he snorted at me! Me, their goddess in the flesh! Other goddess' followers go absolutely berserk when they show up, but not me! Maybe they need to update the status or something…"

Snrk.

"KAZUMA!"

"Aqua, could you cry somewhere else? I feel you might kill me at this rate." Wiz tried to smile to hide her excruciating pain.

"Aqua, go to sleep now and I'll give you another scrap."

"Sniff… okay, Kazuma."

Aqua trudged off to bed.

"The bath was wonderful," said Darkness. 'Though, I am surprised…"

She glanced in Kazuma's direction.

"I assumed he would at least try to peep at least one of us."

"Can't say I wasn't tempted, but Cecily killed my interest for the rest of the day. Maybe even the rest of the week."

"Man, that girl's got some issues," Chris put her hands on her hips. "She's only allowed in the mixed bath because she's such a creep around women."

"Oh, so she's like if Kazuma was a girl," said Megumin.

"Hey!"

"Yes, that's exactly what she's like!" said Chris. "Huh, now that I think about it, she's probably Kazuma's dream girl."

"She does embody everything he finds attractive," Yunyun noted. "She's openly perverted, has a nice body, acts selectively brutish and sweet, and she loves little girls!"

Have I just been insulted and complemented at the same time?

The very next day-

"Alright everyone, I've got some important news to share!" Aqua announced at the breakfast table.

Hey, don't interrupt-

"Shut up, narrator!" she loudly proclaimed like the bitch she- "I said, SHUT UP NARRATOR! That's better. Now, earlier today I heard that there's a pollution problem with the hot springs, so I had a look and they were right! There's a trace amount of poison in the baths!"

"Uh-huh."

"Don't you see? This is obviously the work of the Devil King! This town is a massive strategic point for him since the holiness repels almost all of his forces, so he'd obviously try something like this!"

"Uh-huh."

"So, I need you guys to come with me so I can tell the whole town what's going on, and remind them that I am their one true goddess!"

"Ah, so that's your motive in this." Kazuma chuckled and drank his tea. The rest of the party exchanged glances of apathy, nodding to one another.

"Aqua, we really need to talk about your 'goddess' problem," said Megumin, munching on her toast. "Like, did you hit your head when you were a kid or something?"

"Or perhaps you want to compare yourself with that of a goddess?" said Darkness. "If so, I wouldn't recommend posing as one, you could easily anger the real goddess."

"Yeah, you have some serious problems Aqua, but don't worry, we're here to help," Chris said smiling, though it almost sounded like she was enjoying this situation. Yunyun said nothing, but she nodded fervently.

"Oh come on! You still don't believe me! Kazuma!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma."

"Don't give me your stupid catchphrase! The only reason I'm here in the first place is so I can help you defeat the Devil King!"

"Really?" Anna looked up from her food. "So, you're like one of those other goddesses from stories that have to do stuff on earth to get some clout?"

Wait, how is she eating?

"Eh? That's not… wait you believe me?" Aqua's widened in amazement.

"Sure! If you say so, then why shouldn't I?"

Aqua shed a few tears before suddenly lifting the ghost into the air.

"WAAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH! SOMEBODY HERE FINALLY UNDERSTANDS ME!"

"Starting to think Aqua is a bad influence on her," Chris muttered into Kazuma's ear.

"Not much I can do about that," said Kazuma. "As much as I hate to say it, Aqua's the closest thing that she has to a mother at the moment. And that's saying something."

KONOSUBA

Megumin and Kazuma sat side-by-side on the docks eating fresh steam buns. It was early in the morning, so there weren't too many people walking about. Kazuma was enjoying the lack of conversion attempts, though Megumin appeared to be anxious about something. Whenever he glanced over at her, she'd look away; whenever he looked in the other direction, he could feel her staring at him. Eventually, she spoke.

"Say, Kazuma?"

"Yeah, that's my name."

"What do you think is more important. Love, or money?" she asked.

"Eh? That's a pretty hefty question to just bring up out of the blue." Kazuma said. "Hm… love or money… conventional wisdom dictates that love should always come first, but after all the times we ended up in debt, I've really come to learn the value of money."

"Well, we are about to become three-hundred million eris richer…" Megumin muttered. "And our debt to Lord Alderp is as good as gone, so unless something unexpected happens, we should be able to keep our finances in order."

"You really shouldn't say things like that." Kazuma gave her a grim look. "In Japan, we call that 'raising a flag.' If you assume something with too much confidence, then the universe will do anything it can to prove you wrong. Consider for instance, when Aqua assumed that the Destroyer was completely destroyed and it suddenly started to self-destruct. Or when we assumed this was going to a perfectly peaceful vacation and we were subsequently swarmed by a horde of Axis followers."

"Oh, or that time you thought everything went well with the meeting with Darkness' dad, and then she told him she was pregnant with your kid," she remarked.

"Man, I'm gonna have a pretty hard time digging us out of that one…" he let out a sigh. Megumin tapped her chin.

"Now that I think about it… you had every opportunity to pin Lord Alderp's mansion being destroyed on Wiz, but you took the full brunt of it. And whenever one of my Explosions causes trouble, you're the one who apologizes."

"Because for some reason, I'm always at fault for whatever happens." Kazuma groaned. "Besides, I only do that because you'd be completely hopeless if I didn't."

"Still, it's an unusually noble thing you do regularly," said Megumin.

"Eh? You weren't going to be offended by that?" Kazuma's eyes widened.

"No, I'm used to it. Besides…" she started to smile. "I think I might've figured something out about you."

"Oh really? And what, pray tell, might that be?"

"Well, yesterday in the bath, Yunyun told me…"

"You want me to do what?" Kazuma did a double-take. Yunyun nodded.

"I want you to pretend to be my friend!" she said. "That's not an unreasonable request, right?"

The two of them stood in Yunyun's bedroom, where the door was locked to prevent any eavesdroppers.

"No no, that's pretty simple, but can I ask you a question?" Kazuma said.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Does this imply that you currently don't already see me as a friend?" he was pretty sure he'd referred to Yunyun as such once or twice.

"Ah, yes, I don't," she replied with surprising ease.

That was direct!

"Ah, not like that at all, I'd love to be friends with you but…" she twiddled her fingers as her eyes dimmed.

"But what?"

"Well, being friends requires that you acknowledge each other as such, right?" Yunyun said. "I mean, consider a situation where a person, in a passing mention, refers to one of their lesser-known classmates as a friend, and then they say something like "eh, I don't recall us being friends. Are you that stupid? Don't go around calling me your friend or else I'll end up considered a weirdo like you!" or something like that."

That's way too specific!

"Yunyun… if they ever say something like that, then they don't deserve to be your friend." Kazuma said. "Also, just for the record, I and the rest of us all consider each other friends by default, and that applies to you as well…"

"So that means…" Yunyun glanced away for a moment as her eyes lit up. "I have true confirmation!"

Dangit! Now I feel even worse for her!

"You do realize it doesn't exactly work like that," Kazuma said. "Friendship isn't a mutual agreement that both parties sign up on. It's more of a phenomenon that occurs naturally over time if you let it."

"I know but… I was never able to make friends back at the Crimson Demon village… so I never really learned anything about the process."

"I mean… exactly why did you want us to pretend to be friends?"

"Well there are two reasons," Yunyun said. "First, I was hoping it could help us become closer as friends via deep interaction!"

Double dangit! To have to go to such lengths to make friends…

"And the second, I thought I might be able to discover a clue as to how to make more friends!"

TRIPLE DOG DANGIT! Now my heart feels like it's constricting itself!

"Huh? Kazuma-san, are you… crying?"

Kazuma gasped and quickly wiped away his tears before facing his second arch wizard with a confident expression.

"Then let's do it, Yunyun! I'll teach you everything that I can, and we'll help you make lots of friends!"

"Really? Thank you!"

Forget guilt, this girl wouldn't last a day on her own!

KONOSUBA!

"Well… sure I did that, but any sensible guy would've done that anyway!" Kazuma tried to hide the blush forming on his face. "Besides, she's an important asset to my party. It'd be very inconvenient if she was constantly lacking social validation."

"Even so…" Megumin said. "She then told me that maybe you don't show off that side of you because you're scared of something."

"N-Now where'd you get that from? Did you not hear the names they used to call me? What part of Sumzuma and Kazutrash gave you that idea?"

"In any case, there's actually something I'd like to request of you, but I'd rather the rest of the party not find out about it."

"Uh… what do you mean?" Kazuma said. "Oh, has Megumin-san finally given in to her primal instincts and come across the desire to mate?"

"Eh? Not at all!" Megumin flushed. "A-Anyways, lately I've been reading this romance novel that Yunyun suggested. There's a scene wherein the knight carries the princess protagonist, after rescuing her from the one-off secondary villain." She began to say in her chuuni-like voice. "And then they share a brief moment of pure bliss with one another, and it made me think, I'd like to see what that feels like!"

"Oh, so you want to find out to be princess-carried?" said Kazuma. "Yeah, not happening."

"Eh? So sudden."

"It's far too embarrassing. If I ever have to tell my friends that I acted out a trashy scene like that, then I'll never get married. Absolutely not!"

"I'll let you have the underwear I'm wearing right now."

"Okay then, let's make this quick," he said. "But if you tell a soul about this, I'll have Elizabeth give you nightmares for a week."

Megumin grinned triumphantly as Kazuma got up.

"You're right, there's not the slightest hint of good inside you."

"Hey!"

"Now Kazuma, embrace me!"

"Don't say things that could be easily misinterpreted! Someone could see us, then they'd think to themselves "eh? The Explosion loli and Scumzuma really have no shame" or something wrong like that!"

"Since when did you have shame?"

"Oh for Pete's sake…"

Nonetheless, Kazuma put one hand on Megumin's back, and used the other to lift her… well… her butt and gently lift her into what most people would refer to as "bridal style" or "the princess carry."

"Oooh, wow!" Megumin's eyes lit up with excitement.

"I assume that means you're enjoying this?" said Kazuma, trying his absolute hardest not to blush harder than Aqua after a few drinks.

"Yes, this is even more amazing than I assumed!" Megumin smiled brightly. Then her eyes drifted to the side. "Though I see what you mean, even by my Crimson Demon standards, this is a little embarrassing…"

"Then are we done now?" Kazuma asked. Megumin wasn't Darkness by any standard, but any human, or human-like, being would be fairly heavy by any measurement.

"Oh no, we hardly get a chance to do this kind of thing, so let's have it last a bit longer." Megumin made pleading eye contact with Kazuma once more. "Besides, since we're probably not having as much of a vacation as we thought, it's probably not a bad idea to engage in a bit of self-indulgence while we're here."

"I suppose I see that logic…"

I'm used to carrying her on my back, but I've never had to actually look at her while I do it. Dangit, I think my face is turning red.

"A-Anyways. There's something else I'd like you to do, now that I have the chance," said Megumin, her eyes glowing a bit brighter. Kazuma gulped, whenever it was that shade of red, it was always leading up to something really cheesy.

"Oh? You mean like a kiss?" he said.

"N-Nothing like that! Mom will kill me if I get pregnant before I'm married."

"First of all, that makes no sense. Second of all, I'm just joking, you don't need to take things so seriously. So what do you want me to do?"

"Well, there's a line in the story that the knight says at this point. C-Could you try and say it to me in such a way?"

"I mean, sure, what is it?"

"Uh, it's a little weird to say it, so let me whisper it in your ear."

"Okay…"

Kazuma leaned in and let Megumin whisper something into his ear. After that, all hopes of hiding his blush were scattered. Not only was the line she said poorly written, but the sound of her voice in her ear made his spine tingle for some reason.

"Eh?! What's up with those embarrassing words?" he said.

"That's what happens in the story. So, please!"

"Alright, fine. But I'm taking an extra step to make sure nobody hears this!" Kazuma said. He then slowly lifted Megumin's ear up to his own mouth.

"Ah, Kazuma, what are you…"

Kazuma took a deep breath and began to speak in his best 'romantic gentleman' voice.

"Oh, dear princess, your voice is as clear as a spring breeze, and like a gentle stream, brings calm to my heart. The sparkles, no, the shining of your eyes is so bright, that even the embers of a burning fire are outshone, and your lips are fuller and richer than a flower in full bloom."

That's the end of the lines she told me, but it wouldn't be fun if it was only embarrassing for me, so let's double down a little bit.

"Your smile is as radiant as the midday sun, and like the sun gives joy and life to me. I pledge my body, my blood, and my very existence to serve and protect you for all eternity." he paused for a brief moment "I love you."

Oh boy, my face is probably bright red right now. Anyways, what does Megumin think?

Megumin was almost as flushed as Kazuma, but her eyes were glowing ever brighter and a small smile came on her face as a tear trailed down her cheek.

"I love you too."

"M-Megumin?"

"Ack! Uh, that's not what I meant, I mean, uh…" she cleared her throat. "That's what the princess says in response. It just came out since I've read that part so many times."

"Oh, so that's what that was." Kazuma let out a sigh of relief. Then the two of them started to laugh, Kazuma sat down and set Megumin next to him.

Forget which one is more important. When it comes to both love and money, it's a pain in the ass to get the amount that you really want.

"Anyways, a promise is a promise," Megumin said while shuffling away, but Kazuma raised a hand.

"Nah, forget about it. That was more than enough of a reward. Besides, I've decided to compromise on that kind of thing more often. Cecily sorta… turned me off of girls for the next couple of days."

"SLAY THE DEMONS!"

"Huh?"

"DEFEAT THE DEVIL KING!"

"Oh no…"

After hurrying a couple of blocks in that direction, Kazuma and Megumin came across Aqua standing atop a literal soapbox while Anna held a wooden sign above her head and Darkness was shuffling awkwardly next to the fountain. A large crowd of Axis followers had gathered to watch… whatever this is.

"Attention everyone! I have come to warn you that the Devil King plans to destroy your town!"

Darkness cleared her throat and said in an incredibly unconvincing voice "How?"

"By poisoning the hot springs!" Anna turned around her sign to reveal a poorly drawn diagram. "By seeping toxins into the main spring, the rest of the baths and saunas will become polluted! Not only will this give people horrible sickness and possibly death, but it will ruin this town's primary income source and thus cause it to crumble from the inside! Don't believe me? Observe!"

Anna took a cup of water from next to Aqua's soapbox.

"A seemingly innocent glass of water from the hot springs. But when I add a bit of petricite stone, this happens!" she sprinkled some dusty stuff from a box, causing the water to turn deep purple. "See? The poison reacts to it! I know this is true because I read about it in a book!"

No response.

"I just took a bath this morning and I feel fine. I even defecated without issue." a random person said.

That's pretty blatant!

"Of course! I purified the springs ahead of time so you have nothing to worry about!" Aqua confidently put a hand to her chest. "But until we figure this out, please stay out of the spring water!"

Suddenly, another crowd member shouted.

"Hey, that's the crazy chick who's been ruining all the baths in town by turning them into hot water!"

"Yeah, that story is complete nonsense! What, are you some kind of scammer?"

"Hey, maybe she's actually a demon in disguise!"

"That small child is clearly a wooden doll!"

"Hey, please hold on a second!" Aqua panicked and turned to Darkness. "Hey, say something! Just like we rehearsed!"

"Um… Axis Church, please please…" Darkness opened her eyes. "Throw me down and have your way with-"

"GAAAAAH!" Aqua slapped herself as the crowd grew angrier. "Alright, Anna, it's time to use my trump card!"

"Okay!" Anna put down her sign and pulled up another one with Aqua's face on it and the Axis symbol.

Aqua took a deep breath.

"My true name is Aqua. Yes, that Aqua, the goddess of water that you, yourself, worship! I have come to this world to help you in this time of need!"

"Praise Lady Aqua, the true goddess of the Axis Sect!" Anna exclaimed. "She's the very person you love the most!"

Silence followed. Just as it looked like Aqua was about to panic again, someone stepped out from among the crowd.

"No way…"

Kazuma's jaw dropped again. It was Cecily.

Cecily blinked and stared at Aqua for a couple of seconds. Then she stepped up beside Aqua on the soapbox and loudly declared. "She speaks the truth! As an experienced archpriest, I know our goddess when I see her! For the first time in ten generations, we see Aqua herself in the flesh! We must do as she said, for it is our duty as Axis followers!"

Cecily turned to face Aqua and bowed.

"It is my most sacred honor to behold you, Lady Aqua. My ancestors shall smile upon me, for I have seen a goddess with my own eyes-"

"Get bent!" someone else shouted.

"Cecily's a nut-job, of course, she'd side with the phony!"

"Let's go tie her up!"

"Yeah, tie her up and throw her in the lake! If she's really a goddess she'll be fine!"

"I bet she's actually one of the Devil King's generals or something."

"Let's throw Cecily in while we're at it!"

"That small child is still a wooden doll!"

As the crowd started closing in on them, Anna turned to Aqua.

"What do we do now, Lady Aqua?"

"Just say the word and I'll strip naked to distract them!" Cecily exclaimed. But instead, tears started forming in Aqua's eyes.

"WAAAAAAAH KAZUMA!'

KONOSUBA!

"...And that's what happened." Anna finished recounting the experience for Wiz back at the inn.

"I see," said Wiz. As of now, Aqua was currently crying all over Cecily.

"Sniff I am a real goddess… why are they all so mean to me… at least you're a nice person Cecily. I'll make sure you live to a hundred once I get back to the heavens."

"Just having you here is a blessing enough." Cecily smiled and rubbed her goddess' hair. "I shall never have to clean myself again. Though I must admit, this is quite different than how I imagined our meeting would be."

"Well, look on the bright side," said Kazuma. "You're not dead."

"That's hardly a reconciliation…" Aqua grabbed a bottle off of the table. "My followers will get sick if I don't purify the water…'

"Why do you still care about them even after they treated you?" Anna asked with a confused expression.

"They're still my followers… even if it's difficult to obtain, their love means everything to me, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it back," Aqua said.

"Such an admirable quote, Lady Aqua!" said Cecily. "I will write it down and make sure the whole world hears it!"

"Well, surely it can't get worse," Darkness said.

"...That was a flag, wasn't it Kazuma?" said Megumin.

"Indeed it was. Good, you're learning."

Just then, loud shouting was heard from outside the inn.

"SLAY THE DEMONS!"

"Huh?" said Chris.

"DEFEAT THE DEVIL KING!"

"Oh no…" said Yunyun.

Kazuma went to the window and gasped. Outside the inn, the entire town of the people was standing outside with torches, pitchforks, and holy symbols.

"Oh… no," Kazuma muttered. "I knew that this would happen! Why does this always happen? I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE A-"

"BREAKDOWN THE DOOR!" someone shouted. Everyone gasped. Yunyun quickly started casting something.

"Random Teleport!"

The next thing they all knew, they were standing on a path leading up a tall stone mountain.

"Good, we're safe." Yunyun let out a sigh of relief.

"Not for long though." Chris pointed at the city, dotted all around the mountain's lower part. A closer look revealed a series of pools along a stream of crystal clear water pouring down the mountain and into Arcanretia. "I would've preferred being teleported to the Devil King's front lawn."

"The Devil King has a front lawn?" said Darkness.

"Yep, he won two competitions for it," said Yunyun. "Oh, and my dad came in second on one of them!"

"This is perfect!" said Aqua. "The source of the poison must be from the main spring! We just have to go up there and find it!"

"Hey Aqua, wait up!" said Kazuma.

"Right behind you, Lady Aqua!" said Cecily.

KONOSUBA!

"Come on, you have to let us in!" Aqua pleaded with the two guards protecting the gate to the main spring. "I'm an archpriest! We have life-or-death business here!"

"Sorry ma'am, but the manager just came by and told us not to let anyone through, archpriest or not."

"Look, I am goddess Aqua of the Axis-"

"Actually, we're Eris followers." the guards both said. Aqua let out a groan and turned to the rest of the party.

Kazuma tapped Darkness on the shoulder.

"Alright, Darkness looks like it's time for you to use one of your most useful abilities."

"Understood. LEEROY JEN-"

"Not that one!" Chris pulled out Darkness's family crest. "Just show them this and-"

"GODDESS ERIS!?"

Both guards immediately lowered their spears.

"Eh?" said Chris.

"Forgive us, Lady Eris, we'll let you through immediately!"

"Hey wait a sec, I'm not… I mean, I look nothing like-"

"With all due respect, Lady Goddess," one of the guards cleared his throat. "Everyone knows that you pad your chest."

"Ehhhhhhhh?!"

Aqua snorted as they all walked through without issue. After they were out of earshot, Chris cleared her throat.

"Well, that was certainly lucky," she said, nervously laughing. "It sure is convenient that I look so similar to Eris who only pads her chest because all the other goddesses made fun of her…"

"What was that?" said Aqua.

"It's a secret!"

"I guess that makes sense…" said Kazuma.

"NO IT DOESN'T!" someone shouted from afar.

In the distance, Hans was currently glancing from the edge of the main spring at the party.

"Oh, uh… hi guys!" he nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

"Hans?" said Kazuma. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd come up to the main spring for a nice relaxing soak with no Axis cultists to speak of."

"Hey!" said Cecily.

"Hans?" Wiz blinked and stepped into view. At the sight, Hans did a double-take.

"Eh? Oh yeah, that's my name alright!" he chuckled.

"That's a strange name for a Belzerg citizen…" Chris traced her finger on her cheek.

"Oh, you see uh…" Hans twiddled his fingers. "It was my great times something grandpa's name, yeah that's it! I think he was a Crimson Demon or something…"

"Oh, I guess that makes sense…" said Chris.

"No it doesn't!" said Megumin and Yunyun.

"That doesn't sound Crimson Demon-like at all!" Megumin remarked. "In fact, that's a name you would give a regular demon…"

"Hey, who said anything about demons?" Hans laughed loudly. Wiz suddenly put her fist into her palm in realization.

"Oh that's right, we used to date back in school!" she said before suddenly running up to the man and giving him a hug.

"Hey wait, don't-"

"It's so nice to see you again! How's your deadly poison slime stuff going? I don't think we've talked since… since that one time back at the Devil King's castle when we-"

"DEVIL KING?"

It wasn't long before the rest of the cast was able to put the pieces together.

"So… you're the one who's been poisoning the hot springs…" Aqua cracked her knuckles and stepped up to Hans.

"...helping the Devil King…" said Cecily.

"...and ruining our vacation!" said Chris. "You know, besides the Axis cult."

"Hey!"

Kazuma chuckled and stepped forward.

"It's a real shame. In another life, we could've been friends perhaps," he drew Chunchunmaru. "But I'm afraid this is how it's all going to end."

Hans let out a massive sigh, glared at Wiz, and cracked his knuckles.

"A real shame indeed." Hans chuckled. "You know, usually when people learn about what I am, they run for the hills. But not you. That's good, it's been a while since I've had a good fight."

"Well, I'll have you know that I've killed at least a hundred slimes back in my old country. A little poison won't be enough to take on Aqua."

"Let us commence…" Megumin drew back her cloak before tossing it out. "Our pre-battle poses!"

"An unmovable object which shall always stand between my friends and harm!" Darkness drew Indestructible. "Darkness, the Crusader!"

"Master of all things explosive, bringer of destruction, chaos, and judgment! Megumin, Explosion Archwizard!"

"You'll never see me coming until it's way too late! Chris, the silver thief!"

"Th-The greatest mage the Crimson Demons have ever seen, and who will one day lead their clan! Yunyun, Crimson Archwizard!"

"The tides shall turn in my favor, and bring victory to my friends! Aqua, goddess of water!"

"The master of countless skills, and tactician who has slain several of the Devil King's generals! Kazuma, the basic adventurer!"

"And together we are…"

They all posed for a group finish.

"Team Konosuba! Elite Adventuring Squad!"

Wiz, Anna, and Cecily panicked and struck the best poses they could think of at the moment.

"...wow, I genuinely thought he was going to attack during that." Darkness glanced around.

"It was hilarious watching you dorks perform. Reminds me of Beldia… how's he doing these days?"

"Oh, he's got a girlfriend now!" said Wiz. "Her name is Luna, and she's a member of the adventurers guild in Ax-"

"Shut up you demons!" Chris drew her dagger. "Lurk!"

She vanished into thin air before reappearing behind Hans.

"And, Assassinate!"

She plunged his dagger into his back for a direct hit, but instead of blood, a thick purple liquid spurted out.

"Huh… what the…"

"Heh, you didn't listen did you?" Hans smirked sadistically as the slime stretched out of his back and started climbing onto Chris's body.

"Hey! I'm stuck!"

"Hang on, I'll-" Kazuma leaped into action but Wiz grabbed his hand.

"Don't touch him! Or he'll eat you alive!"

"Wait, what?"

Her friends watched in horror as a screaming Chris was enveloped by the purple slime. Soon, her whole body was covered, snuffing out her voice and drawing her figure back into Hans.

"Hmm… She was quite delicious." Hans licked his lips. "Alright, who's next?"

The party let out a collective gasp. Darkness even teared up.

"Chris… no…'

"Aqua can bring her back, right? You can bring her back, right Aqua? Right, Aqua?"

Aqua's pupils shrank.

"Uh… not if their remains have been disintegrated… such… as… in… this… case."

"OH MY GOSH, HE KILLED CHRIS!" Yunyun exclaimed.

"You… BASTARD!" Darkness charged, droplets flying from her eyes. "LEEEEEEROOOOOOY JEEEEEEEEENKIIIIINS!"

"Oh, another volunteer!" Hans cackled and sent out several tendrils of slime.

"Darkness, no!" shouted Kazuma, but Darkness simply smiled.

"It… it is alright!" she grit her teeth as the slime burned into her skin. "With this amount of poison, my Acid Resistance advances into Acid Immunity! Furthermore, while the pain is excruciating… it is also exhilarating! Go now! Take him down and avenge Chris!"

"Cursed Crystal Prison!" Wiz suddenly shouted.

A series of icy walls shot up and encased Hans' left arm.

"Eh? What the heck-"

Wiz stepped forward, a series of cold winds suddenly blew around the group.

"Even if Chris was cruel to me, and tried to kill me and ruin my business as well as endanger me, Beldia and Vanir more times than I can count…" she grasped her fist. "She was still my friend!"

Hans screamed as the ice started to climb up his arm.

"Not only that, but she was still an innocent person at heart!" Wiz continued as she marched forward. "And, to make things even worse…"

Suddenly, the ice magic disappeared briefly.

"Now that I remember, how are you and Sylvia doing?"

"Uh, not well at all. You see after-"

"AFTER YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU LECHEROUS CHEATER!" Wiz re-summoned the winds. "Am I not good enough for you? Tell me, or are you not even man enough to face up to your mistake!"

"Great job, Wiz!" Kazuma fist-pumped.

Hans looked like he might pass out for a moment.

Then he smiled.

"Now this… is a fight!"

Bursting out of the ice, a massive creature made entirely of the purple goo rose up from where Hans was standing. Kazuma's party gasped as he launched a barrage of goopy mess everywhere, including the hot springs. Aqua shrieked and immediately jumped into the mainspring.

"I can fix this! Purification, purification!" Aqua was currently trying to clean the spring. 'Nngh, it burns…"

"Oh my goodness, Greater Heal!" Cecily started casting and turned to Kazuma. "We've got this, you hold him off, whoever you are!"

"She's right! You've got to stop him, for the safety of this town, Kazuma!"

"Please, Kazuma!"

Kazuma took a deep breath and charged in.

"YES, I AM KAZUMA!"

He Shadowstepped to the other side of Hans to look for a weak point. Already, he could hear the rest of his party launching their own attacks.

"Light of Saber!"

"Killer Queen, Bomb Type one!"

"Second Wind!"

He nervously stepped around the massive pulsing creature, when suddenly a large blob of slime popped off of the main body and formed itself into a humanoid shape.

"Uh… disgusting!" Kazuma quickly stabbed it before it could touch him. Then, it suddenly collapsed in itself, becoming nothing more than goo. "Hey… that gives me an idea! A Kazuma idea"

As this was going on, chanting was heard from the distance.

"Slay the Demons! Defeat the Devil King!"

"Eh? My followers?" Aqua said.

The angry mob of Axis followers had apparently heard the commotion from the mountain and made their way up. And now, they beheld the Deadly Poison Slime, Hans.

"No way… that's what's been polluting the springs?"

"That blue-haired woman was telling the truth!"

"Don't just stand there, we gotta take it down!"

Immediately, the group started hurling various objects at the monster, causing it to let out a roar. More of the human-like slime monsters crawled out of it and started shuffling towards the crowd.

"Watch out!" Darkness ran in and shouted "Decoy!"

As that was going on, Kazuma Shadowstepped back to the group.

"Guys, I figured out how we can beat him!" he said.

Just then, a second Kazuma Shadowstepped next to the first.

"Guys, I figured out how we can beat him!" he said. The two Kazumas glanced at one another and gasped.

"That's Hans' boss skill!" Wiz said. "Not only can he gather himself together to negate physical attacks, but he can create Slime Doubles that look exactly like people, and even copy their abilities!"

That's gotta be the most busted ability I've seen yet!

"How do we know which one is real?" said Megumin.

"Oh, I know!" said Yunyun. "We have to ask them a question that only the real Kazuma would know!"

"What's something that only he could know?" said Darkness. Megumin snapped her fingers.

"I got it!"

And just like that, she began to sing.

BTW, this song is called Sanjou Ginyu Tokusentai. I just changed the lyrics slightly.

My name is Megumin

The mistress of Explosions!

I'll them all up with Killer Queen

With my friends by my side…

There's nothing that I can't do!

Artillery magic's falling down on you!

One of the Kazuma's looked at her like she was an idiot, while the other suddenly snapped their fingers.

Kazuma: And if you fight all of us

I am the reason that you'll lose.

O-woah, because I am a tactical genius!

"Killer Queen!" Megumin threw a rock at the Kazuma that didn't song, causing him to explode into slime. Kazuma gave her a thumbs-up.

"Wow, I guess you were right about the theme song!" he said.

More Slime Doubles appeared, taking the form of the other party members. Darkness panicked as she was promptly piled on by a series of Kazumas while Yunyun was busy trying to distinguish Megumin from several others.

"Okay everyone, the only way we can get out of this is by singing our theme song!" Kazuma shouted. "Ready? And a five, six, seven, eight!"

Darkness twirled on the spot, decapitating several of her clones.

My name is Darkness.

I've got the strongest defense, I

I Will take all the hits without even breaking a sweat

With my super-tanking skills

And my sword, Indestructible

I'll protect all my friends on the battlefield

Aqua continued to purify the lake while Cecily and a couple other Axis priests healed.

They call me Aqua,

The most beautiful goddess in the world

O-woah, with my healing, you won't ever fail!

Everyone started singing at once, even Anna

Yes we are, we have just arrived and we're the most elite

Adventuring squad

We'll save the day every time, we're team Konosuba

Yes we are

We'll arrive in a flashy way

We'll show you, our special fighting pose

You better go on and kneel before, it's ultimate beauty!

Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba

Now it was Yunyun's turn, as she unleashed spell after spell upon unsuspecting slimes.

My name is Yunyun.

I'm the Crimson Archiwizard.

When the fight gets tough, you can count on me.

I'll burn all the enemies

Or freeze them inside of eyes

I'll never betray you because I love my friends!

Megumin casually blew up a large group without even looking.

My name is Megumin

The mistress of Explosions.

Killer Queen, Sheer Heart Attack, and Bites the Dust!

Yes we are, we have just arrived

and we're the most elite

Adventuring squad

We're the best in the world,

The one and only team Konosuba

Yes we are

We will avenge our old friend Chris

Or we'll die trying

It doesn't matter because we can revive

At least we hope so…

Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba

Finally, Kazuma danced around the clones and stabbed several.

My name is Kazuma

And I'm the leader of this squad

I've got the most skills so don't underestimate me

With my special steal technique

I'll take exactly what I need

Then finish you off, with basic magic!

But if you fight all of us

I am the reason that you'll lose

Oh-woah, because I am a tactical genius!

Yes, we are-

We have just arrived and we're the most elite,

Adventuring squad

We hate toads and we all know why

And it's not the color

Yes, we are-

We decide who sits in the back, with

Rock-paper-scissors, because it's kinda fair.

We'll do anything it takes to win, you better remember that!

Yes we are, we have just arrived and we're the most elite

Adventuring squad

We'll save the day every time, we're team Konosuba

Yes we are

We'll arrive in a flashy way

We'll show you, our special fighting pose

You better go on and kneel before, it's ultimate beauty!

Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba, Konosuba!

Eventually, each and every one of the Slime Doubles was defeated, reduced to harmless puddles of goop. Hans seemed to get the message and started charging its main body at the adventurers instead.

"Here he comes!" said Kazuma. "Wiz, can you-"

"Spears of Ice!" Aqua shouted as Yuuki appeared out of her hair and froze an entire battalion's worth of icy projectiles which were then launched at Hans almost as fast as a Gatling gun.

That did the trick, Hans recoiled in pain as he stopped focusing on the Arcanretians and seemed to have difficulty moving.

"Woah, that attack actually worked?!" said Kazuma. "Hey Aqua! Remember that time I called you useless! I'll take it back!"

"Which time?"

"One of them!" he said. "Hey Megumin, would you kindly blow him up?"

"Don't do that!" Aqua said as she ran to different spots to purify each of them. "Otherwise it'll pollute the entire mountain!"

"Then we're gonna have to pull him away!" he said. "Hey Darkness, you gotta grab his attention and lead him into that pit over there! It'll hurt like crazy and might kill you, but we're all relying on you to be our shield!"

"Eh? You actually want me to… understood, Kazuma!" Darkness rushed out and screamed at Hans. "Hey, Hans! You want something really tasty? Then get a load of THIS!"

"Hey, what are you…"

Darkness started throwing aside her armor and ripping off her clothes. That certainly got Hans's attention as he charged relentlessly at the naked crusader.

"I mean, it's working?"

Kazuma ran after Darkness as Hans continued to pursue them.

"Alright, when we get to the edge, grab my hand! I'll Shadowstep us both out of there!"

"Got it, Kazuma! Chris, I shall bring justice upon your killer!"

"Here it comes…"

They grabbed each other's hands and leaped into the massive hole, Hans poncing in after them.

"Shadowstep!" Kazuma exclaimed. But nothing happened. "Eh, Shadowstep, Shadowstep!"

Aw shoot… I'M ALL OUT OF MANA!

The adventurers screamed as they were consumed by Hans, just as Megumin finished her chant.

"Explosion!"

An enormous fireball descended down, blasting massive globs of slime everywhere in the pit, reducing Hans down to a quarter of his original size. Yunyun was quick to follow up.

"Light of Saber!"

"Cursed Crystal Prison!"

A blizzard of magical proportions whipped against Hans' form, reducing him to nothing but a frozen statue before blades of light shattered him into pieces.

Then, silence.

Yunyun, Wiz, and Aqua all stepped to the edge of the pit to examine the remains. From within the depths of the ice, a single pale hand reached out and a single, and quite voluptuous, figure stepped out panting.

"Is… is it all over?" she asked. "Is Hans…"

"Looks like it." Yunyun glanced over the rubble. "Wait, where's Kazuma?!"

Darkness's eyes widened in horror.

"Kazuma! Where are you? This better not be some kind of joke!" she shouted. She started scrambling around the wreckage. "Kazuma, I'm completely naked right now, that should be enough to get you to show yourself!"

But nobody came. As Darkness continued to plead, Wiz put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Kazuma is gone."

"No… no…" Darkness teared up and dropped to her knees. "I just want to hear the words so badly "yes, I'm Kazuma," and then he'd yell at me for being weak."

"I know…" said Wiz. "I'm gonna miss him too."

Just then, there was the sound of frozen slime being shifted from under a pile. Everyone looked hopeful for a moment, but what emerged wasn't their semi-beloved party member. It was a small purple slime creature.

"I'm not done yet!" Hans exclaimed. "As soon as I finish eating all of you, I'll get back to my job! And then… and then…"

"And then what?" said Darkness.

"AND THEN I CAN FINALLY GET OUT OF THIS TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE TOWN!"

"A-hem."

Hans slowly turned around and gasped. Aqua stood there, along with the entire Axis faith.

"Hey, we don't really appreciate you saying such things. We also don't appreciate you attempting to poison all of us." Aqua said.

"SLAY THE DEMON!"

"DEFEAT THE DEVIL KING!"

"Oh… shoot," Hans said. "You're an archpriest aren't you? If you purified all of my poison… oh god, get away from me!"

Hans scrambled to escape, but Aqua chased him in pursuit.

"Get back here! Normally Kazuma would tell me that killing would be unnecessary, but he's not here now! Why? BECAUSE YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED THE PERSON I LOVED MOST IN THIS WORLD! NOW I CAN'T SHOUT HIS NAME AT HIM AND HAVE HIM RESPOND IN USUAL KAZUMA WAY!"

Aqua teared up as she drew back a God Blow.

"So… for the good of me, the Axis Church, and my two deceased friends… I SHALL OBLITERATE YOU!"

Suddenly, Wiz slammed down a glass jar on top of Hans.

"Huh… hey, what the…?"

She quickly sealed the jar, leaving the Deadly Poison Slime trapped inside.

"Thanks for distracting him, Aqua!" Wiz chuckled. "Now if you don't mind, the two of us have got a lot of catching up to do."

Hans gulped.

"Oh for the love of all that is unholy… kill me now…"

"Like hell, I'll let another Devil King General slip through my fingers!" Aqua angrily shouted. "If you don't let me kill him, I'll obliterate you too, Wiz!"

"Hm… I suppose he did cause you a lot of trouble…" Wiz tapped her chin. She lifted Hans to her face. "Say, Hans, can you release our friends for us, please? Aqua would be very happy to see them back."

"Hah! There's no way in hell that I'll ever-"

"GOD REQUIEM-"

"GAH! Okay, okay!"

Hans panicked as Wiz opened the jar. He proceeded to regurgitate two sets of bones all jumped up.

"Uh… I kinda mixed them up a bit," he said as Wiz resealed the jar.

Aqua sighed.

"I suppose it's momentary relief. Kazuma would let Wiz deal with you anyway."

She knelt down and put her hands on the two skulls. "Ressurection!"

KONOSUBA!

Kazuma blinked his eyes open. He remembered seeing Eris, she'd looked like she had just had an argument with someone, but now he was back at the mountain. Looking around, all of his friends had gathered in a circle. Aqua's face was just a couple inches away from his.

"Hey there, Chris. Great to have you back."

"Aqua? You did it?" Kazuma said. He then began to laugh, but then he realized something. His voice didn't sound like his voice. It was higher-pitched and far more… feminine?

Gulping, he reached down and almost shrieked. While there wasn't too much in the chest department, there was no doubt about it. He was female, and also buck naked.

There was another scream from right beside him. He turned and gasped, it was an exact copy of himself, also buck naked.

"What the…"

He and his double stared at one another. He nervously reached his ear and found a lock of hair. Taking a closer look at it confirmed his suspicions. It was silver.

Other Kazuma, or more accurately, Chris, grabbed Aqua by the face and started shaking her.

"Aqua, you dumbass! You put me in Kazuma's body! Now I have a… a…" she couldn't say the naughty words.

"Hey, remember that time I took back calling you useless? I TAKE THAT BACK!"

After that occurred, and two more attempts that involved rearranging the bones to put them back together, the adventurers were whole once more.

"Phew!" Kazuma wiped the sweat from his brow. "Thank heavens that's all over."

"Yeah, usually we don't get away with this kind of victory," said Yunyun. "But nope! Wiz captured Hans, the hot springs are safe, the townspeople aren't trying to kill us, and we're one step closer to defeating the Devil King! Everything is going fantastically!"

"Why'd I have to open my big mouth…" Yunyun groaned.

Currently, the group was back in the wagon making their way home.

"Sniff… My followers are so mean!" Aqua whined. "So what if I ended up ruining the hot springs anyway by turning it into regular water?"

"Well, if there's any reconciliation, the town's economy will be ruined without me doing any work at all!" Hans chuckled from inside the jar. "So really, I should be thanking you for doing my job for me! Wait, where are we going?"

"You're going to work with me in my shop!" Wiz smiled, thought it far eerier than her usual cheerful visage. "And you're going to regret what you did…"

Hans gulped again, as the rest of the carriage burst into laughter.

"Eh, all things considered, it's not the worst resolution we've ever-"

"INCOMING!"

"Huh?"

Kazuma looked out the window and gasped. A horde of familiar round green objects started hurtling towards the wagon train.

"Eh? More cabbages?" he said.

"Those are spring cabbages, kid!" Hans said. "They're extra tasty, but extra deadly too."

"Attention!"

Luna stepped out of one of the carriages. Nobody noticed, but her eyes were slightly… different.

"The guild of Axel hereby declares this an early harvest opportunity. The price for each spring cabbage is thirty-thousand!"

"Is she psychic or something!"

Already, the adventures in the caravans started rushing out to make an easy buck. Our heroes glanced at one another and nodded.

"Everyone it's time for intro-"

"Introductions, everyone!"

"Huh?"

From another caravan, three girls suddenly struck poses of their own. They weren't Crimson Demons, but something about their outfits reminded Kazuma of something…

"Do you want to know about me? I'm the luminous Ciero-chan!" a light brown-haired girl in a green outfit drew a jewel-tipped staff.

"I may look cool, but I can also be hot. Breath a sigh of relief, for Leah, yes!" A black-haired girl with sparkling blue eyes and a suit of white and blue armor pulled out a long spear.

"The cuteness from all around the world has gathered in one place. 100% adorable Erika-chan, that's me!" A pink-haired girl with matching eyes pulled out a dagger.

"And together we are-"

"The three dancers group, Axel Hearts!" they all posed together as a group.

Chapter Text

Hi there everyone! Long story short, a whole bunch of stuff happened. I've pretty much lost interest in Konosuba at this point, but I did write three more chapters of this fic before running out of steam. So, I'll just post them now before I swear off this fic for good.

In Axel's Guild Hall

"Kazuma?"

…

"Kazuma?"

"Hey, isn't this the part where you respond "Yes, I'm Kazuma?" We talked about these catchphrases, Kazuma," Megumin prodded her party member with her staff.

"He doesn't look like his usual self," Darkness examined him. "In fact… I'm not sure if he's still alive."

"Eh? Of course, he's alive! I even cast Resurrection on him to make sure. Hey Kazuma! Wake up and start coming up with more solutions! That's all you're good for, anyway…"

Kazuma let out a groan.

"I really thought the universe liked me now. I really, REALLY, thought I was out of this junk happening. But yet again… WE'RE STILL IN DEBT!"

A while earlier…

"Charge!" Darkness struck several cabbages, not with her sword, but the full force of her heavily armored person. As she did this, Chris and Kazuma nodded to one another before they expertly disabled multiple cabbages in sequence with skills and attacks. Yunyun unleashed large AOE spells that took out many cabbages at once. Megumin and Aqua warded the onslaught away from the carriages.

Meanwhile, the three girls who had just introduced themselves were running around with weapons. The pink-haired girl known as Erika was jumping at cabbages and stabbing them occasionally with a dagger. The black-haired Leah impaled multiple vegetables with a long ornate spear. And the short, dirty-blonde Ciero simply cast healing spells whenever one of her companions was struck by a cabbage. However, the three of these girls, otherwise known as Axel Hearts, had made a critical error.

A swift swarm of cabbages battered away at the carriage they had just left, and soon the horses had been set free. The sensible creatures scrambled away in fear of the mighty vegetation that assaulted the adventurers.

"Oh no, our wagon!" Erika shrieked. At that point, Kazuma Lurked in beside her to snag an escaping cabbage.

"Don't worry, we'll fix that once this is over!" he frantically tried to avoid the many fast-moving cabbages. "Until then, we need to fight for our lives!"

"No, not that, the driver is still in there!" Ciero shouted.

"Wait, what?" Kazuma blinked. He turned to the wagon and yelled at the top of his voice. "Hey! Are you still alive in there!"

A desperate hand appeared in the window, implying that the driver was crouched down to avoid incoming salad material.

"Don't worry! We'll get you out!" Darkness ran over. "Kazuma, I-"

"Do it!"

"Nngh! So direct unlike usual!" Darkness wiped away a bit of drool and charged past the wagon screaming "LEEROY JENKINS!"

"That joke is so old!"

At once, all the cabbages in the surrounding area turned their attention away from the wagon and started rushing after Darkness. Chris swiftly moved in and grabbed the driver's outstretched hand.

"Lurk!"

Chris vanished and reappeared next to the group.

"Oh, thank goodness!" said Leah as she swiftly killed multiple cabbages as they chased Darkness.

"Megumin, you know what to do!"

"Roger that! Come forth, Schwarzsech Prototype Mark II! Unleash the burning energies of the universe and obliterate my enemy! Explosion!"

"Hey, wait, not the wagon-"

But it was too late. Darkness was sent flying as hundreds of cabbages were incinerated on the stop in the heat of Megumin's spell. Unfortunately, the wagon itself was also caught in the blaze, reducing it to a pile of wood pieces.

"Phew!" Kazuma let out a sigh. He turned to the driver. "That was a close call, don't you think? And for once, it wasn't our fault!"

But the driver wasn't pleased or relieved. Instead, he was almost angry.

"Oh no… oh no oh no oh no! You idiot! Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Ah, sorry about the wagon." Kazuma chuckled. "Don't worry, I'll pay you back in full. I'm about to obtain quite a sum if I do say so myself."

"And the best part is, nobody got hurt! That's a win as far as I'm concerned." Yunyun gave him a thumbs up.

"Don't you understand? That wagon was carrying several valuable gifts for nobles!"

"WHAT?"
End of flashback…

"So, after deducting the 300 million Eris I got from Vanir…" Kazuma muttered. "We now owe 150 million Eris for the damages" His head fell back upon the table in the guild.

"Well, we defeated Hans, the Deadly Poison Slime!" said Darkness. "That's gotta account for something…"

"It would… but since the quest took place in Arcanretia, the only ones who can validate it are Axis, and they'll only give us the money if we join," said Yunyun. "But look on the bright side! We've gotten out of debt before. No reason we can't do it again."

"Erm… excuse me."

Kazuma glanced over his shoulder. It was the small dirty blonde-haired girl from before. Her name, if you've forgotten, is Ciero. Her two friends were standing behind her, Erika with sorrow in her eyes and Leah with her arms crossed.

"If what I have heard is true, then you're the ones who wrecked our band wagon…," said Leah.

"And destroyed all of our cute dresses, accessories, and equipment!" said Erika. "And because of that, we can't perform!"

"W-We're sorry, but we're kind of in a nasty spot so…" Ciero said as her two friends drew their weapons.

"We expect you to pay us back in full!" they all said.

Kazuma's party all glanced at one another and nodded.

"Alright, everyone, take formation!" said Kazuma. "Ready, set-"

All six members of the party leaped into the air and dove to the ground in a grand display of humility.

"Please accept our most sincere apologies!" they all exclaimed simultaneously.

"I didn't think for a moment that the wagon might have had such important cargo!" said Megumin.

"We're already in massive amounts of debt, so it's probably gonna take a while!" said Chris.

"If Crimson Demons do not let off a strong spell every day, they die!" said Yunyun.

"You have very nice shoes! I would be honored if you would even step on me!" said Darkness.

"I'll get the money back; I'll do whatever it takes!" said Kazuma.

"We're so, so sorry!" said Aqua.

The almighty force of their ultimate apology was enough to weaken the resolve of the dancers. They lowered their weapons, glanced at one another, and sighed.

"Alright you guys, get up already," said Leah. "Look, we heard about the noble gifts you also destroyed, and honestly, we really need money now rather than later. So, until we get our money back, we could join your party and we can pay off our debts together?"

"Eh? You want to join our party?" Aqua said as she rose.

"Yes! We may not look like it, but we are adventurers as well!" said Erika. "For instance, I, the very cute Erika, is an expert in knife-based combat."

"I'm a lancer, and a pretty good one if I do say so myself." Leah chuckled.

"And I'm an archpriest," said Ciero. "Oh, and I also do martial arts."

"Oh, well I'm afraid that position is already taken!" Aqua chuckled. "But really, we already have enough cute girls on this party already, adding any more would be overkill."

Now that she mentions it, why am I the only male member of this party? I mean, sure, anime logic, but is there just a shortage of male adventurers or something? No, that can't be it…

"Cute…?" Erika looked stunned for a moment when she suddenly screamed with a sunny smile. "Did you just call me cute?"

"Eh? I mean, I did, but what does that have to do with."

"Ehehehehe!" Erika laughed with a blissful expression. "Say it again! And it is I, who is really cute, who will join your party!"

Hmm… this feels like it could be a red flag… but the other two seem normal enough. Eh, what the heck, our back and forth was getting stale anyway.

"Sounds like a great idea!" Kazuma happily stood up. "Welcome to Team Konosuba! Here, a handshake in place of a contract."

"Hey, wait, don't-" Leah said, but it was too late. As soon as Kazuma tried to shake Ciero's hand, she let out a shriek.

"AAAAH! Don't touch me!"

With a surprising amount of force, she gave a strong right punch straight to his face, sending him flying two tables in the other direction.

"Kazuma!" exclaimed the entire main female cast.

"Oof…" Kazuma rubbed his face. "Yes, I'm Kazuma… ouch…"

"Ah! Sorry!" Ciero nervously rubbed her feet together.

"Ah yes about that," said Leah. "Whenever Ciero is touched by a male, she can't help but punch them.

Ah, figured. Well, at least Leah seems to be the level-headed one. Hey… maybe she's like the me of her group.

"Awesome! Now that we have some more party members, we can take on even higher-difficulty quests!" Aqua fist pumped.

"It's been a while since we've set foot in a dungeon," said Kazuma as the group stepped up the entrance. "Except of course in the case of Vanir,"

"Dungeons are the antithesis to my core values as an adventurer," Megumin grasped her arm. "Big Explosions don't go well in small spaces, and Killer Queen isn't that fun to use against monsters."

"Eh? Explosions?" said Ciero. "Why are you always going on about Explosions? I don't really like big flashy and loud spells… I prefer ones that are pretty and help people. That's why I became an archpriest."

"Admirable remark," said Aqua. "But not once shall I allow myself to be outdone by a mere mortal! I almost have all of my map pieces!"

"Mortal?" said Leah.

"Indeed! For I am Aqua, Goddess of Water who currently lives in this world to help Kazuma with his otherwise hopeless adventuring antics!"

"Don't say anything… don't say anything…" Kazuma mumbled to himself.

"Goddess?" said Erika. "Oh! You mean when you're so cute and pretty that everyone calls you a goddess? Because that would make sense for someone as beautiful as you,"

"Oh, why thank you!" Aqua let out a haughty laugh. "You're pretty cute as well, Erika,"

"Oh, stop it, you're making me blush!"

"A-hem," said Darkness. "If we're done with, what they call 'girl talk' then I suggest we get moving,"

"Ah, of course," said Leah. "Let us embark. We're here to gather Adamantite, so we don't need to fight monsters if they don't attack us."

"Eh? You mean there might not even be a fight?" Darkness's expression dropped when she heard her.

"I don't really like fighting…" Ciero twiddled her fingers. "I love helping my friends, sure, but I don't want to get hurt by some big scary monster…"

"Getting hurt by a big scary monster is the best part!" Darkness said, starting to flush. "Why, I was hoping this dungeon would have some gigantic muscular orcs!"

"Orcs?" Ciero's eyes widened.

"That's enough you two," said Kazuma. Leah nodded in agreement. "Let's go."

Now, the dungeon kicked off pretty well considering the sheer size of their group and before long-

"Ugh, I'm getting tired, can we take a break?" Erika said.

"We've only been walking for ten minutes since our last break," said Chris.

"Eh, don't' be so negative," she said. Then she turned to Kazuma, looked up at him through her lashes and pulled her hands in like a begging dog. "Come on, pretty please?"

"Acting cute doesn't change my mind!" said Kazuma.

"Correct," said Megumin. "If you want Kazuma to do something, you need to offer him your undergarments. If you do that, he'll do anything you want."

"That was a one-time thing!"

"Really? Do stockings count?" Erika asked as the other members of the party suddenly started staring at Kazuma.

"I mean yeah, that's a valid valuable object obtainable from such cute females as you two… hey, don't make me look bad!" said Kazuma.

"Cute… hey, did you call me cute?" Erika's eyes suddenly lit up, figuratively, not literally. "Aw, Kazuma, such a flirt!"

"Geez, I don't' understand your obsession with cuteness," said Megumin as she casually struck one of her poses. "If you ask me, it's much better to be cool. Like me!"

"Eh? Cuteness is way better by a massive degree!" Erika angrily spat back. "It's better to be cute!"

"It's better to be cool!"

"Cute!"

"Cool!"

"Cute!"

"Cool!"

"Cute!"

"Cool!"

"Cute!"

"Cool!"

"Cute!"

"Will you cut it out?" Kazuma snapped. "You're both very cute and very cool! Happy now?"

"KAZUMA!" they both exclaimed before their eyes widened. "Oh, thanks. Wait, KAZUMA!"

"Good grief…"

"Well, that was a lot easier than I thought," Kazuma hoisted the bag of adamantite on his back.

"I know, we only had to deal with one trap!" said Aqua. "If you ask me, that's a definite plus!"

"I wish I could've been the one to get stuck in it…," said Darkness. "It looked like fun."

"Well, at least we got some EXP from fighting that weird bat thing that attacked us," said Chris. "I have to say, Erika, you're really handy with that dagger."

"Well of course!" Erika put on a confident smile. I'm not all just about looks, you know."

"And your spear skills are very impressive, Leah," Yunyun said. "Did you learn from a school?"

"Erm, not exactly," Leah grasped her arm. "Technically I learned how to use it myself…"

"Oh, you're self-taught?" said Darkness. "That's even more impressive from someone of your youth."

"Aren't you the same age?" said Kazuma.

"K-Kazuma! To ask a woman about her age in such a rude manner…" Darkness blushed and turned away.

Oh Darkness, what would I ever do without you?
"And of course, we can't possibly leave you out, Ciero!" he smiled and walked up to the blushing archpriest. "Your healing skills are almost on par with Aqua's! Not to mention you can hold your own pretty well too! With the three of you on our side, we'll pay back our debts in no time!'

Ciero looked up, revealing a shy smile.

"Th-thank you, Mr. Kazuma…"

"Don't mention it! Besides, technically we're trying to pay you back…" Kazuma put an arm on Ciero's shoulder to get closer, but then quickly realized his error.

"AAAAH! Get away from me!"

Ciero twirled on her heel and elbowed Kazuma right to the face, sending him stumbling to the ground against the rock wall.

"Kazuma!" the entire female cast exclaimed.

"Ah! I'm so sorry!" Ciero said, immediately bowing.

"Hey, don't worry about, I was the one who forget about your androphobia," Kazuma shook himself off. "Hey, what's this?"

Kazuma picked up a small stone covered in dust. Rubbing off the debris with his shirt, the slightest hint of a lustrous gemstone began to show.

"Oh, what a lovely looking jewel!" Aqua peered at the crystal. "Huh? It looks like it changes color depending on the angle of the light…"

It was true. As Kazuma held the crystal in different positions, the tone shifted from purple, to green, to blue.

"I think that's alexandrite gemstone!" Chris' eyes widened. "One of this size could be worth up to four million Eris!"

"Four million?" everyone exclaimed. Immediately, Megumin whizzed over to the same area where Kazuma landed.

"Is there any more?" she said, scrambling about the area. Darkness let out a sigh.

"I wouldn't bet on it, Megumin," she said. "Kazuma's high luck allows him perks such as this. That coupled with Ciero's natural talent, and this sort of thing just happens."

"Is that so?" Chris stroked her chin and glanced at Kazuma.

"Uh, what are you planning on-"

"Get over here!"

Chris grabbed Kazuma's arm and planted his hand right onto Ciero's chest.

Kazuma braced for impact as the blonde girl let out a shriek.

"AAAAAAAAGH! STOP IT!"

With a mighty swing of the arm, she whacked Kazuma six feet away. Chris ran after him with a mad look in her eyes.

"Well, did you find anything?" her face lit up as Kazuma's went darker.

"No, just a great amount of inconvenience!" he exclaimed. "Honestly, did you really think that was going to- "

"Wait, where's Erika?"

Everyone glanced about them. Indeed, their pink-haired friend had mysteriously vanished. Kazuma wondered if she had gotten tired and stopped walking out of exhaustion, when they heard a high-pitched voice let out a scream.

"That was her!" said Leah.

"Come on, let's go help her!" Ciero picked up her staff.

"You don't have to say it twice," Darkness drew her sword with the same expression she always had before a fight. "Protecting the weak is the ultimate goal of a crusader. No matter what, I will never allow my teammate to come to harm!"

"Oh jeez, everyone be prepared!" Kazuma said as Darkness charged.

"LEEROY JENKINS!"
As Darkness' thundering footsteps echoed through the dungeon, everyone else dashed after her.

"What is up with that catchphrase?" Leah turned to Kazuma, giving him an odd look.

"Yeah, I taught her that…" Kazuma twiddled his fingers. "It's the catchphrase of a warrior from my home country."

"Really?" said Ciero. "You mean, you're a foreigner?"

"Focus!" said Chris.

They found Erika, staring face to face with a trio of large snarling wolves with pitch black fur. She held her out her dagger trying to ward off their fanged snouts.

"Oh no, it's a pack of Beginner's Banes!" Ciero let out a small squeak of fear. "They're a type of wolf that prey on newbie adventurers!"

Huh, that's actually a pretty smart strategy if you think about it…

Darkness immediately stabbed one of the wolves through its torso with her sword, causing the other two to turn on her. Leah moved swiftly to strike the one on the left, while Chris Lurked over to disable the one on the right.

As they finished off the wolves, Leah immediately ran over to Erika, who's eyes still had a stunned look in them.

"What the heck happened?" she said, her eyes frantically darting to every inch of her bandmate's person to check for injuries.

"I… I just wanted to find some Alexandrite so we could put on a big show later and…" Erika snapped out of her stupor as her expression shifted to that of anger. "In fact, what are you all doing? I can handle myself; you know! I have- "

SMACK

The rest of the cast gasped as Erika rubbed the side of her face that Leah had struck.

"You idiot! Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?" the dark-haired girl began. "Do you know how scared me and Ciero were? What would we have done if something happened to you? We'd never find your parents if that happened!"

"Huh?" said Aqua, in her usual confused fashion. Ciero turned around and whispered to the group as Leah continued to lecture Erika.

"Sorry to drag you into our personal drama," she said. "The thing is, Erika grew up in an orphanage since she never knew her parents. At some point, she was told to be cute, and they would come find her. I think that stuck with her a lot."

"Oh, so that's why she's obsessed with being cute," said Aqua, being the observant one for once. "I kinda know what that's like… I never knew my parents either. Of course, I don't even know if I have them but- "

"…You and Ciero are the most important things in my whole life," Leah said, finishing her lecture. "If I ever lost either of you… I don't know if I could ever forgive myself…"

"Leah…" Erika's face began to show signs of tears. "I'm sorry. And… thank you. Thank you so much, for being the family I was never born into."

The two of them shared a hug as the rest of the group watched.

"Aww…" Megumin said, before realizing she'd said it. "Uh, I mean… good, let's focus on getting out of her, right?"

"Sure," said Chris. "I think we've gotten all we need out of the dungeon."

As they began to walk back to the exit, Leah came up to Kazuma one last time.

"You realize I'll be the one decided the distribution of wealth, right?" she said. "After all, you are technically still in debt to both us and the delivery company."

"Of course…" Kazuma said, glancing to the side and letting out a sigh. I'm gonna need a second, third, and maybe fourth source of income to get out of this one…

KONOSUBA!

Leah was a fair person; she split the quest money and the Alexandrite evenly between the two parties. The fact that Kazuma's group was twice the size of hers meant that she was still technically getting more, but by no means would our heroes be left without a small dent to their debts. Meanwhile, Leah, Erika, and Ciero had enough money to fix their dresses and some of their equipment, and to rent out a small theater in Axel. As thanks for their assistance, they invited Team Konosuba to come watch their reunion show.

The theater, by no means, was anything worth calling impressive; it was actually a floor stage for a popular restaurant. Kazuma and his party headed over to one of the larger tables to sit, taking out glasses and filling them with magically created water. They gazed upon the considerably sized stage, easily large enough for nine people to stand arms outstretched to one another across the length of it. Behind the swaying red curtains, there were the murmurs of voices and the sounds of people moving about. As time passed on, the theater slowly began to fill up with people, going from a small crowd to nearly every table being filled with excited viewers.

"Wow, that's a lot of people," Chris looked around. "I had no idea those girls were so famous."

"Maybe I should try becoming a dancer if it'll make people more interested in me…" Yunyun's dreamy eyes wandered into the space above her as she fantasized being welcomed to anywhere with such reception.

Yeah right, when can she dance?
Suddenly, the lights began to dim as the three girls emerged from the curtains. Erika bounded out with limitless energy, already waving, and calling out to her loving fans. Leah stepped to center stage with a confident stride, a gentle smile, and locking her deep blue eyes with the audience. And Ciero nervously stumbled before quickly moving to her position, a small smile on her face as she eyed her onlookers. Each of them wore brightly colored outfits in the same shade as their adventuring clothes; green for Ciero, blue for Leah, and pink for Erika. In addition, they all had black and white stripes on a different part of their dress for each girl.

"Hi, everyone!" Erika said, still bouncing on her feet. "Thank you all for coming today!"

Kazuma noticed some of the audience members chuckling at her, a few even blushing.

"It's been a while since I've been on a stage," Leah smiled at the audience. "So, let's introduce ourselves!"

"Want to know more about me?" said Ciero. "Hello, everyone, I'm Ciero-chan!'

"I may look cool, but my heart is on fire!" said Leah. "Breathe a sigh of relief with Leah!'

"All the cuteness of the world in one adorable girl!' said Erika. "A hundred percent kawaii, Erika-chan!'

"And together we are…" Leah said as all three girls struck different poses.

"The three-dancer group, Axel Hearts!"

"W-We will do our best to sing and dance for all of you!" said Ciero, clearly somewhat uncomfortable from the crowd, especially the male watchers.

"You'll regret it if your eyes off of me!" Erika proudly said. "Imprint my cuteness into your memory!"

"Our first song is called Bright Show!" said Leah.

And thus, the show began. Music played from an unknown source, as Leah's soothing voice soon filled the theater, interrupted only by a playful remark from Erika, or a gentle comment from Ciero. A spectacle of dancing and music was displayed before the awed crowd.

"Wow, it's so amazing!" Aqua said. "Not as amazing as me, of course! But I'm only one goddess,"

"The audience seems to love it too," said Megumin. "Kazuma! We need to double down on our practice! We can't possibly let ourselves be outdone by professionals!'

"I think the Crimson Demon clan could learn from this kind of performance…" Yunyun stroked her chin in thought. "Lately, our poses have become a bit stale."

"It's quite different from a court performance," said Darkness. "The dances are so lively, and the music is quite lovely as well."

This style of performance… this reminds of me something. Almost like Japanese Idols. Wait a minute… idols…

"Uh, Kazuma?" said Megumin. "You've got your 'Kazuma idea' face on."

"Eh? Have you thought of another indecent plan for cheap victory?" Darkness excitedly said. "Don't keep us in suspense, please tell me what to do!"

"No, nothing like that!" Kazuma said. "What we've got here is a trio of not your standard-issue dancers, but what's known as an idol group! And you know what idol groups can get you? An entire tree's worth of money!"

"Idols?" said Yunyun.

"Yes, idols!" Kazuma let out an unusually creepy laugh. "And if I can produce them… they'll make a ton of money! Do shows in further places, sell merchandise, squeeze every drop of cash you can get of their beloved fans! Using an idol business, I'll tear our debts apart like sheets of paper!'

The very next day, Kazuma knocked on the door of where Axel Hearts had told him they lived. Erika was the one who answered.

"Oh, Kazuma!" her expression was shocked before it turned to endearing. "Eh? Were you that eager to see my cuteness that you came right to my house! Sheesh, you're so hopeless!'

"Yes, yes, you are very cute, Erika," said Kazuma. "Now listen, I've got a proposal for you three and I think you'll all like it from both a business and artistic standpoint."

"Business?" said a second voice. Ciero had arrived at the door as well. "Sorry, Erika and I aren't that great at striking deals. We usually leave that up to Leah."

"That's completely fair. Where is she, by the way?"

"Oh, you'll have to wait a bit, she's in her room," said Ciero. "And Leah doesn't come out of her room this early during most days."

"Eh? Can't you just walk into her room?" said Kazuma.

"Of course not!' said Erika. "Leah is a very territorial person. Besides, it'd be even weirder if it were a boy like you."

"Well, I suppose Leah simply has to understand the concept of gender equality," Kazuma Shadowstepped behind the two girls and opened the door upon which Leah's name was carved into.

"Wait, don't…" Erika said.

What Kazuma opened the door to find, was not Leah as her expected, but what appeared to be a hikkikomori's bedroom. Specifically, the type who didn't once think to maintain the space that which they spent the most of their life, which was a stark difference from him, who yearned to make his living area as neat and tidy as possible so that he could enjoy his territory every time he looked at it. Clothes were strewn across every inch of space, various snacks and drinks were lying across tables and floor area, even sheets of paper upon which sheet music was written littered the floor.

On the bed, what he assumed was a pile of unclean laundry began to stir, and Leah's pale face appeared from underneath was he now realized to be a duvet.

"Eh? Kazuma?" she said. "Oh, good morning. Well, don't just stand there all awkward-like. Take a seat."

"There isn't anywhere to sit!" Kazuma fired back. "Also, it's way too late in the morning for you to be sleeping. Besides, I have something very important to talk to you about regarding the future of your dance troupe and my party. So, get out of bed already and let's talk!"

"Fine… fine…" Leah yawned and slowly began to stir. With a loud thump, she promptly rolled out of bed, still tangled up in her blanket and untold amounts of dirty clothes.

Kazuma cleared his throat.

"Anyways, I wanted to ask you if you'd be interested in-"

"Eek!" Ciero suddenly backed against the wall. "L-Leah! There are ants all over that rotten piece of fruit! You should clean that up!"

"It's fine, ants need food too, right?" said Leah, still half asleep.

"What I'm saying, is that I have the capacity to-" Kazuma tried again, before he was interrupted by Erika.

"Ew! This drink expired two weeks ago!" she said. "Hurry up and dump it out or something!'

"Relax, Erika, I'll do it on our next day of rest…" Leah's eyes began to close again.

"Oh for goodness sake, I came here to talk, not get involved in your household drama! Hurry up and clean, I'll even help!" said Kazuma.

"Really?" said Leah, pushing herself up and beginning to stand. "You really don't have to do that Kazuma…"

Just as Leah stood at her full height, the blanket fell away the floor. Unfortunately, Leah was the type of person who enjoyed the feeling of her skin on the sheets and blanket and nothing in between. As she stood up, her two bandmates and Kazuma were suddenly exposed to her in all her glory.

"Oh my…" said Kazuma, starting to blush. Though, on the inside, he was already burning the image into his brain.

Erika and Ciero reacted quickly, the former quickly moving to cover Leah with a random cloth and the latter giving Kazuma a swift uppercut to knockout the unfortunate adventurer, who collapsed to the floor as they turned to their undressed friend.

"Leah!" they both exclaimed. "For goodness's sake, stop sleeping naked and then forget to dress yourself in the morning!"

"At this rate, you'll never be able to get married!" Ciero said.

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Leah said, starting to pull on some random clothes on the floor, but Erika smacked her hand away.

"Don't put the dirty ones on! For goodness' sake… start a load of laundry!"

After Kazuma came too, Leah had finally gotten her head straight. She stood flustered in the corner of the room as Leah and Erika watched him.

"I can't believe I just showed all of that to a boy…" she stared at her feet in depression.

"Leah…" Erika shook her head. "Come on, let's get this place clean already. Kazuma wants to talk to us, and I don't think he likes to be kept waiting."

"Oh look, he's waking up," said Ciero.

"Ugh…" said Kazuma. "What the heck?"

"Ah, I'm very sorry!" Ciero bowed. "I didn't want you to see my friend naked with your creepy male gaze, so I knocked you unconscious!"

There's a limit as to what one can get away with by claiming it was an accident…

"Ah, its fine. Anyways, I came over here to talk about our financial situation, but it looks like you three have a bigger problem at the moment," he indicated to the mess surrounding them.

Ciero and Erika simultaneously glared at an embarrassed Leah, still in her PJs, which wasn't as embarrassing as her birthday suit but still not flattering in the slightest.

"Honestly, Leah, you act all prim and proper outside the house, but when it comes to your own state of living, you're a total slob!" Erika said, putting her hands on her hips.

"Hey, how about I call my crew over and we'll help clean this up so we can talk turkey," said Kazuma.

"Any help with be appreciated, Mr. Kazuma," said Ciero.

"Never thought I'd get a chance to use this so early…" Kazuma reached a handout the window. "Force Fire!"

A small blaze of light shot out of his hand, stretching up into the midday sky. At once, a column of purple magic appeared in the center of Leah's room. The lights faded to reveal the five members of Kazuma's party.

"Kazuma, we got your signal! What's the problem-"Megumin started to say, when she noticed she had stepped on an expired slice of pizza. Upon realizing the sheer mass of detritus that surrounded them, the five girls immediately let out a simultaneous "Ewwww!"

"What the heck happened in here?" said Chris. "Some kind of monster attack?"

Kazuma, Erika and Ciero immediately pointed in Leah's direction.

"Eh? Come on guys, it's really not that big of a deal!"

"Alright everyone, today's assignment is to clean Leah's room."

"Uh, I thought we agreed that we were only gonna use the signals for emergencies and- " Chris started to say when Yunyun interrupted her.

"This is an emergency, Chris! Such a concentrated mass of garbage is a danger to public safety!"

"Indeed," said Aqua. "But do not worry! For, I, goddess Aqua, am extremely talented when it comes to cleaning!"

"Alright, Team Konosuba!" said Megumin. "Let's clean!"

And so, Kazuma's party began the overwhelming task of tidying up Leah's room. Megumin and Aqua cleansed stains and rotten food off of various surfaces. Darkness, Chris, and Yunyun gathered all of the dirty clothes and put them into one basket. Kazuma and Ciero put all of the clothes into the wash while Erika organized Leah's books and papers while throwing away all the trash. Even with a total of nine people, it took several hours to get everything clean, especially all of the clothing which needed to be washed, hung out, and in some cases folded.

Finally, after three hours of work, Leah's room was now spick and span.

"Amazing…" Ciero clasped her hands in delight. "Thanks to all our hard work, Leah's room went from a literal garbage dump that smelled like the inside of a giant toad, to a room that actually looks like a girl lives in it!"

"Hey, you don't have to go for the femininity…" Leah blushed and turned away. "Still… it almost doesn't look like my room. She ran her hand along the floor, realizing how long it had been since she had actually seen it.

"Honestly, I'm not asking that you constantly clean it, but you should at least make sure it's tidy enough for when people come over- "Kazuma began to say, when a panicked expression suddenly came over the oldest dancer.

"Eh? Where's my stuffed animal? Kazuma, what did you do with Konjiro?"

Maddened, Leah immediately started rummaging through her closet and drawers, throwing untold amounts of clean laundry onto the floor in a span of a few seconds.

"Cut that out! I washed it and hung it out to dry!" said Megumin. "Sheesh, I'm starting to regret wanting to help you."

"You owe us!" Erika and Ciero said simultaneously.

"Oh, come on! It's not I'm the one who blew up your wagon-oh that's right…" Megumin flushed and looked away. Ciero cleared her throat.

"Thank you all for coming to clean Leah's room," she said, bowing again. "In fact, maybe you should come over more often to help us take care of the house!"

"For goodness's sake-we're not housekeepers!" said Kazuma. "Anyways, what I came over here to do in the first place was to become your producer!'

At once, all three girls gave him an odd look.

"Producer?" They clearly had never heard the word before, from the way they said it.

"Allow me to start from the beginning," said Kazuma. As he did so, his party began to exit the room, clearly not interested their leader's attempts at fast money. He turned to Ciero on the far left. "Ciero, the way I see it, you seem to be the most proficient dancer of the three of you."

"Huh? I never really noticed…" she trailed off. "Well, I guess I did learn some footwork when I studied martial arts."

"Erika," Kazuma turned to the pink-haired girl. "You seem to be the best when it comes to raw attraction or being cute as you would say. When people see you, they automatically become happier and want to see more of you."

"Oh Kazuma, you're so forward!" she let out a squeal of delight. "Hey, can you praise me some more?"

Ignoring her, Kazma turned to the last dancer. "And Leah, your singing is second to none. I assume that you're also the one who composes the music, as evident by all the sheet music."

"Hm, yes that would be me," said Leah. "I've actually got a special magic item that helps me turn all kinds of sounds into music. It's right over there."

She pointed to the wall. Leaning against it was a black and white keyboard.

"It's called a magic piano," said Ciero. "But Leah's the only one who knows how to use it, so we leave the songwriting to her."

That's literally a synthesizer!

"Beautiful songs, great dances, and gorgeous looks… you have that, I won't deny. But are you really satisfied where you are now? Or do you plan to aim higher?"

"Why, of course we do!" Leah raised her hand to her chest almost offended. "We have to pay off our debts with you. And beyond that, I've always dreamed of performing on bigger stages with my friends at some point."

"Absolutely!" said Erika. "It is my duty to spread my cuteness to every corner of the world!"

"Me too!" said Ciero. "Someday, I'm going to conquer my androphobia and become a far more pleasant girl!"

"All of those are truly noble goals…" Kazuma nodded. "But I can only speak honestly. In your current state with only the three of you, achieving any of those is absolutely impossible!"

"Eh?!" All three girls' faces went white. Erika spoke first.

"What on earth propels you to say something like that? We're still improving ourselves every day. You are no position to give us such harsh criticism!"

"Consider if you became the greatest dancer in the world," said Kazuma. "That wouldn't mean anything unless you could get onto a stage. Being cute isn't enough to get famous on its own, you also need to be sharp!"

"Cute…?" said Erika. "Oh my, Kazuma! I can't believe I've already made you fall head over heels in love with me!"

"…A-hem," said Kazuma. "As I was saying, proficiency in dancing, singing, or beauty can only take you so far. You also need the ability to sell those proficiencies. You might not know this, but back in Japan where I used to live, dancers are always fighting over the spotlight. There are many who had the talent and skill required to make it big, but foolish choices or stubborn pride left them performing for crickets on the street! You need someone else to strategically direct your ability towards the goal you so desire. In other words, you need a producer like me!"

"Um… I think I understand, Kazuma, but…" Ciero said. "What exactly does a 'producer' do?"
"I'm glad you asked!" Kazuma confidently puffed out his chest. "A producer takes raw talent and refines it into an elegant shining diamond with research, practice, and training! Then, he takes his beloved dancers right to their stage in front of adoring fans that he also gathered with strategic advertising! Finally, he takes that performance and pulls a profit with all kinds of amusements. Merchandising meet-and-greets, photographs, and premium tickets! Of course, he then takes a small cut of those profits and uses the rest to make every performance even greater than the last! So that you three will only have to worry about singing, dancing, and looking cute, and together we can make millions!"

"Wow, that sounds amazing!" said Erika. "The combination of my cuteness and Kazuma's questionably moral intelligence will create an unstoppable force throughout the whole kingdom!"

"Hold on, guys, let's not do anything rash," said Leah. "Kazuma, while I appreciate the words, what exactly is this plan of yours to do?"

"It's quite simple, really," said Kazuma. "I've already designed plans for towels, hoodies, glow sticks, and other merchandise themed around you three. Then, we will travel from town to town putting on performances! We call this a tour. On this tour, we will sell the merchandise, tickets, and meet-and-greet opportunities. This tour will achieve two things. First, it will let us fund future projects and pay off our debts, but more importantly, it was established Axel Hearts as a dancing group to be reckoned with!"

"Meet-and-greet?" said Ciero. "Eh? You don't mean I have to shake hands with males…?"

"That's the point!" Kazuma crossed his arms. "If my party is any evidence, avoiding your weak spots will never make them go away. Darkness' lack of offense doesn't make her hold back, she charges in and whales away anyway! Megumin's inability to cast many spells might make her clumsy, but she strikes precisely and true in spite of that! And Aqua's lack of intelligence is compensated by her morale! So, if you meet more people and get used to talking to them, you will eventually get over your androphobia!"

The girls glanced at one another in deep thought. Kazuma noticed they were giving him suspicious looks. They needed more.

"Let's looks at it this way," he said. "With this tour, we have a chance to erase both of our debts in one fell swoop. Otherwise, we'll be stuck hacking away at them with frustrating quests and mediocre performances. Besides, there are some more perks besides Ciero's progress on her mentality."

"Huh?" said Erika. "Like what?"

"Well, if you perform in more towns, the chance of you finding your parents will increase by an enormous degree!"

Erika's eyes widened, filling with hope.

"And Leah, you and your group will be able to sing in the most famous spots in the kingdom. Arcanretia, the capitol, you name it!"

"Kazuma…" Leah was lost for words. "You'd really go through all of that trouble for us? But we only met a few days ago!"

"I already told you, didn't I?" said Kazuma. "You have innate talent that I want to refine. If I were the type of person who lets chances go by simply because they were risky, I wouldn't have completed half of the accomplishments I have under my name. So, for you three specifically, I don't mind putting my assets on the line."

"The fact that you're going through such a risk, even when you barely have anything to wager in the first place…" Leah said. "What do you two think?"

"I absolutely love the idea!" said Erika. "Kazuma's a clever guy! I bet he can make us ten, no, a hundred, no, a thousand times the dancers we are now!'

"I… am also interested in going on tour," said Ciero. "I've always wanted to see new places…"

"Well, I guess that's decided," Leah took a deep breath. "Alright, Axel Hearts is now in your care, Producer."

"I'll do my best to meet your expectations, Mr. Producer!" said Ciero.

"I can't wait to work with you, Producer Kazuma!" said Erika.

"Excellent! Come on, I'll take you to my house where I can show you my plan."

KONOSUBA!

"You have a mansion?" Erika's jaw dropped when she saw Kazuma's house.

"Yeah, the landlord let us live here after we cleaned the ghosts out to bring the value back up," he said. "Making the most of small amounts of money is a specialty of mine. Heck, it's the only way I've been able to get out of debt so often. And how I can still afford to hire a maid."

"Wow, and here I was thinking you were just your standard everyday adventurer," Leah put her hands on her hips. "You're always quite the businessman. Then again, I guess I shouldn't be surprised…"

"Think of it as assurance that your group is the hands of a very talented producer." Kazuma gave them a thumbs-up as he opened the door.

"Good morning, Master Kazuma," Elizabeth bowed as the four of them entered.

"Hey, you're back!" Anna excitedly jumped up from the table carrying a stack of papers. "Aqua and I worked really hard to make all these!"

"Excellent," Kazuma took the top sheet and looked front and back. "This'll draw crowds for sure. How about the glowsticks?"
Anna pointed at the other corner of the room, where Megumin was currently taping several red and yellow glow sticks to her staff.

"With these illuminous objects, my staff's power will increase by 15.42 percent!" she excitedly said, continuing to tape them.

"Okay…" said Kazuma. "Looks like everything's in order."

"Who's this little one?" Erika bent down to have a look at Anna.

"I'm Anna!" she said. "I used to live by myself in this mansion, but now Kazuma and his friends live here too, so now I have bunch of friends!"

"Hm?" said Erika. "Then… what happened to your parents?"

Anna stroked her chin, still smiling in her usual way.

"Well… mommy got sick early and died when I was a baby, and daddy was beaten to death by his other wife for being a dirty cheater. After that, I died shortly after because my birth was out of wedlock, and I didn't have a legal guardian!"

Erika stood there stunned for a good while.

"What's all this for?" Leah glanced at a nearby table, upon which a series of towels, posters, and hoodies with the faces of Axel Hearts printed on them.

"Merchandise," said Kazuma. "Not only will it double our profits, but also make us that much more recognizable! Consider the following situation. Person A happens to be wearing one of your hats or coats. Person B then says "Woah, those are such cute girls! Who are they?" To which Person A will reply "Oh these three? They're this really cool of dancers called Axel Hearts." And flash, bam and alakazam, you have a new fan without even having to lift a finger!"

"That's… genius," Leah stroked her chin. "Anyway, what locations are we going to visit on the tour?"

"Of course," Kazuma said. "Follow me."

With so many rooms to spare, Kazuma had taken the liberty of transforming them into more practical purposes. For instance, he had changed a large storage room into a map room, where an enormous map of the entire world was laid out on the floor, where one could plan trips at their leisure.

"Our first stop will the closest village to Axel, the Crimson Demon Village," Kazuma indicated to the area on the map. Megumin and Yunyun both exchanged cheerful glances at one another.

"Oh, that means I'll get a chance to catch up with mom and dad!" said Megumin.

"I can show everyone all my new friends!" said Yunyun.

"Next, we'll be moving this way to the capitol. Along the way, although I hate to admit it, we'll be performing for two days in Arcanretia. It's a pretty darn powerful city, so earning its favor will help us down the line. Just need to make sure we don't get associated with the Axis Cult."

"Hey!" said Aqua. "Oh, thanks! Wait, I probably should wait that one out."

"Me too," said Megumin.

"Me three," said Yunyun.

"Count me out as well," said Chris.

"I don't mind coming again!" Darkness happily clasped her hands together. "I absolutely loved our time there!"

"…And finally…" Kazuma traced a path all the way across the map. "Our last stop will be the royal capitol of Belzerg, where I'm told Darkness has a connection that'll score us a performance in front of genuine royalty."

"ROYALTY?!" Leah, Erika, and Ciero exclaimed.

"Yeah, we're quite a diverse crowd if I do say so myself," Kazuma chuckled. "Any questions? No? Then start packing your bags because we leave in three days!"

"Right!" said Leah. "I sure hope this goes well…"

"Oh, I assure you it will!" said Aqua. "Kazuma's weird plans always work out! Even if there's inevitably some massive detail he overlooked or something completely unexpected comes out of left field and ruins everything before he has a chance to deal with it!"

"Aqua…" Kazuma was about to scold her for raising flags again, but she then proceeded to point out a specific spot of water on the map.

"That's why we should travel from Arcanretia to the Capitol by sea! There aren't any water monsters in this part of the ocean, so we won't have to worry about getting attacked!"

"Wow Aqua…" Kazuma ran a mental simulation of her proposal through his head and found it to be absolutely correct. "That's… uncharacteristically smart of you."

"Uncharacteristically?" said Aqua.

"Here, have another piece…" Kazuma reached into his bag before he froze. "Huh, well would you look at that? It's the last one. Here you go!"

Aqua eagerly snatched the scrap of paper out of the air.

"Hooray!" she said. "I can't wait to go find that supply of booze and fix that poster!"

Kazuma rolled his eyes as Axel Hearts began to give him odd looks.

"Aqa's a bit of a unique person," he said. "You must forgive her odd priorities."

"Oh Kazuma, you can tell them I'm a goddess!" Aqua said. "You know? The part where I was forcefully taken to this world in order to help you defeat the Devil King?"

At once, the three girls exchanged worried glances with one another.

"Oh dear…," said Leah. "She really has it bad."

"Growing up with no parents does that to you…" Erika said.

"You poor thing!" Ciero put her hands over her face.

"Oh, come on!" Aqua pouted and turned to leave when Erika threw her hands around her.

"You don't need to hide it Aqua; I know exactly what you're going through!" the pink-haired girl pulled in the archpriest for a tight hug. "Please, feel free to talk to me about it any time!'

Kazuma couldn't help but feel a little bad for Aqua. Then he remembered how much money he was about to come into.

Before they set off for the Crimson Demon village, Kazuma, Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin decided to drop by Wiz's shop while the others continued setting up things for the tour and packing their bags.

Today, the store sported an unusual sight. Beldia was carrying a large supply of logs to a pile a short walk away from the front entrance. He waved when he saw the adventurers.

"Oh, hello everyone!" he said, dropping the wood onto the stack.

"Good morning, Beldia," said Kazuma. "Are you setting up a bonfire?"

"Good heavens no!" said Beldia. "This is going to be my new house!"

"Huh?" said Megumin.

"Ah yes. You see, ever since Hans moved in, Wiz's bedroom has been getting a lot more crowded. So, Vanir and I agreed to set up a second building for us to live in. It's his turn to run the front desk so I'm building today."

"Oh, that's right, Hans," said Aqua. "I bet he and Wiz are plotting some kind of evil scheme in there…"

"That's ridiculous Aqua!" said Megumin. "Obviously, she has put a magical collar on him that electrocutes him if he's tries to escape! She sells those for 899 Eris."

"I bet she's got him chained up in there, an eternal vessel for her own pleasure, as well as revenge for his infidelity!" Darkness said, her mind beginning to wander off into naughty places.

"All of those sound ridiculous," said Kazuma.

"Well, you could always just ask them yourself. They're in the backroom."

"Great idea!" said Aqua. The four of them entered the store, where Vanir stood ready to greet them.

"Ah, good morning, infinitely incompetent Archpriest, emotionally immature small girl, and morally ambiguous taller girl! And who I recently discovered is now looking into a very promising new business venture!'

"I sure am!" Kazuma chuckled. "I'm taking Axel Hearts on a tour throughout all of Belzerg! Starting with the Crimson Demon village!"
"The Crimson Demon village, you say?" Vanir said. "Oh my, and the small one is already thinking about how her little sister will shower her with praise!'

"Eh?" Megumin said.

"Oh, so it's a siscon type situation…" said Kazuma.

"I don't' know what that means!" Megumin put her hands on her hips. "And besides, where are Wiz and Hans?"

"Just behind that door," Vanir pointed to the wooden door behind the counter.

"Thanks!" Aqua quickly reached for the knob, at the same time drawing her staff.

"Wait, Aqua, don't-"

Aqua opened the door. Then, the adventurers let out a simultaneously shriek. She shut the door.

Vanir burst into laughter.

"Oh, such embarrassment and shame! Just what I needed today," he said.

"Should've seen that coming…" said Kazuma.

KONOSUBA!

"I'm sorry," Wiz bowed in front of Kazuma and friends. She and Hans stood side-by-side, her clothes visibly wrinkled. "I wanted to get to the bedroom first, but this idiot couldn't wait."

She momentarily gave Hans a cold glare. Currently, he was in the same form that he took while in Arcanretia.

"Sorry babe, I just can't help myself around your cute face," he blushed while giving her an awkward smile. Kazuma noticed Wiz letting out a giggle.

"Okaaay… so this is a thing now," said Kazuma. "I thought you two broke up after that yet-to-be-expanded-upon incident involving someone named Sylvia?"

"Oh right, that!" said Wiz, looking genuinely surprised at the thought. "Well… apparently Sylvia was trying another one of her schemes to merge with the other generals and I ended up misinterpreting what I walked in on. So, Hans and I started working in the shop together… and I started to remember why I fell in love in the first place." The lich smiled and put her hands over her heart.

"Arcanretia really took a lot out of me," Hans shivered at the thought. "But when I finally left, I remembered how nice it felt to have someone by your side, and how much I loved this little ice witch." He put his hand around Wiz as they exchanged loving glances.

"Aw, I'm so happy for the two of you!" Aqua cooed for a moment before slapping herself in the face. "Did I seriously just say that?"

"…Anyways," said Kazuma, not wanting to hear any more. "We're about to head to the Crimson Demon Village, so we're gonna need some supplies."

"Oh, of course!" Wiz hurried into the shop. Aqua was back to her normal self, glaring at Hans like he was something gross on the bottom of her shoe.

"Don't think this means we're friends now; I still have a pretty strong vendetta after you killed my friends! Do you know how scared I was that I'd never see them again! I'd want to die, but I can't!"

"Oh yeah… that," Hans awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "Look, I ain't gonna act like I don't have blood on my hands, but I really think I can turn my life around for the better. I mean, I got a place to sleep, a beautiful girlfriend, plenty of food, and not a single Axis cultist in sight! Not to mention, I make honest money now and I get to hang out with my buddies at the same time! I never got any of that working for the Devil King, so I promise I have no reason to cause you any harm. Heck, I'll be willing to help you if you ever need it- "

"Thanks, but no thanks," Aqua crossed her arms. "Even if you weren't a demon and a murderer, you still said a whole bunch of mean stuff about the Axis sect!"

"Erm… Hans?" Darkness interjected. "That thing you were doing with Wiz… could you try doing that to me sometime? But like, much harder and with all the poison!"

"No way, I'm in a committed monogamous relationship," Hans shook his head.

"Ah… a pity…" Darkness kicked a stone on the ground. "I really wanted to have the feeling of being slowly digested by a ruthless demon. What a shame…"
"You're disappointed about that?"

KONOSUBA!

"Alright, is everyone ready?" Kazuma glanced around him. Team Konosuba and Axel Hearts had bags at their sides and crates full of merchandise and props.

"Ready!'

"Excellent. Yunyun, if you please," he turned to his other Crimson Demon friend.

"Teleport!" Yunyun raised her arms. At once, a magic circle appeared around the group and their luggage. With a flash of light, they vanished.

Chapter Text

This chapter's a lot shorter than usual, but well…

There's a reason for that.

As soon as she heard of their upcoming trip to the Crimson Demon Village, Megumin almost immediately jumped for joy. As they packed their bags, loaded up a wagon, and started heading to the docks to set sail, she was already rattling off on what she wanted to do while she was there.

"First, I have to say hi to mom and dad, and of course Komekko. I'll bet she'll be super impressed by my adventuring stories. After that, I think I'll catch up with my friends from school. Oh, I can show you my old uniform! And of course, we must see one of the light shows. The Crimson Demon magical spectacles are the greatest in the world!"

"I should probably visit my dad too…" Yunyun wondered out loud.

"Um, am I going to hide inside the storage again?" Anna said.

"Of course not!" Megumin put her hands on her hips. "Animating inanimate objects is a common practice in the Crimson Demon village. Besides, as long as nobody looks too closely, you look just like a normal little girl."

"Yay!" Anna said.

"Wait, what do you mean…?" Erika blinked before walking closer to Anna. As she leaned in to examine, she suddenly let out a shriek. "ACK! A TALKING DOLL!"

She jumped in midair and happened to land in Leah's outstretched arms.

"Oh, that's right, we forgot to tell you about Anna!" Aqua said. She walked forward and gave the little girl an affectionate head pat. "She's our household ghost who possesses this wooden doll I made. Anna, these are the dancers that Kazuma is producing for. Erika, Leah, and Cielo."

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you," Cielo said, as Anna walked up to shake her hand.

"Megumin was right, you really could've fooled me," said Leah.

"Oh, so you're friendly!" Erika said. "Sorry, I hope I didn't upset you!"

As Anna introduced herself to the three girls, Aqua glanced at their payload.

"Hey, remind me why we can't just have Yunyun teleport us there?"

"As much as I'd like to, I don't have enough mana to transport this much stuff before our first show safely," she said. "We might lose something important, or someone, in the process. Or worse…"

"The point is, renting a boat would be far more effective and far less potentially painful,"

"I can't believe this is happening!" Erika said. "We're going to perform all over the kingdom! People will remember us for years! I can see it now, my adorable face on every street in the town, Axel Hearts as a household name, and-"

"Let's not get too caught up in the grandeur," said Leah. "We should focus on the immediate goal, and that's putting on a good show for the Crimson Demons."

"Well, you'll have your work cut out for you," Yunyun said, the idea seeming to bring up unpleasant memories for her. "Crimson Demons are… difficult to please through what's conventional. They're all about going above and beyond what's normal to the absolute limit."

"I see. To the absolute limit…" Cielo was scribbling on a notepad.

"No matter what happens, you can always rely on me, your trusty producer!" said Kazuma. "Now, let's get to the docks so we can-"

KONOSUBA!

"-HOW MUCH?" Kazuma practically shouted at the young woman at the rental stand.

"Um… six million eris. For a trip to the Crimson Demon village. One way. For two way it's ten million."

Kazuma took a deep breath and turned to face his party.

"Alright everyone, time for plan B!"

One sequence later…

"Please help us in our time of need!"

The nine of them were currently in a simultaneously dogeza pose, attempting to use the similar tactic that Kazuma's party had used on Axel Hearts. However, the wharf master was unmoved.

"...Ten million eris for a two-way," she crossed her arms and stated resolutely. "Take or leave it. I recommend the later."

"...Understandable, have a great day," Leah said, as they began picking up their things and walking away from the tall woman.

"So now what do we do?" said Erika.

"Guess it's time for plan C," said Kazuma.

"How many plans do you have, exactly?" said Aqua. "What, do you have a plan P?"

"Yeah, but it involves Darkness getting strapped to a waterwheel for several hours, and also a considerable amount of terrorism,"

"I like plan P!" said Darkness.

"Seconded!" said Megumin.

"I repeat, we're going with plan C," said Kazuma.

"Does it involve more kneeling on the ground?" Erika said. "Uh, my clothes…"

"No no," Kazuma said. "We're gonna build ourselves a boat!"

The three members of Axel Hearts exchanged looks before they simultaneously burst into laughter. Kazuma and his party, however, were not as amused.

"Oh my gosh!" Erika exclaimed. "Kazuma isn't just clever, he's also hilarious!"

"Building a boat… yeah right, nobody sane would try something like that!" Leah said.

"Ah!" Cielo let out a relieved sigh. "But seriously, what's the actual plan C?"

"I forgot you're new here," Chris said. "We don't make jokes about this sort of thing."

A long silence followed.

"WHAT?"

"We'll build our own boat from scratch!" Kazuma put his hands on his hips. "Aqua, looks like all of that manual labor is about to pay off two times over!"

"Alright!" Aqua fist pumped. "Time for a classic reference with our friends!"

Kazuma pointed towards the direction of the manor.

"We'll obtain resources by any means possible. Trash, fallen trees, scrap, broken boats, anything. Then we'll all assemble it together using our various talents and abilities. And soon, we'll have a boat of our very own! For adventuring or idol purposes!"
"Can we… can we make how we want it?" Megumin said. "Like with an animal head on the front, and magical cannons for fighting!"

"Oh, a high-quality sleeping area!" Aqua said. "And a swimming ladder!"

"We can put anything we want on our ship," Kazuma smiled and nodded. "Now, let's get building!"

"YEAH!" Kazuma's party cheered.

"Same goes with you, Axel Hearts," Kazuma said. "We're not getting anywhere until we finish this, my party believes in total equality!"

"He's not kidding…" Megumin whispered in Erika's ear.

And so, they all began construction right away. Thanks to their powers, the process was much quicker than normal. Darkness and Leah's superhuman strength was excellent for bringing materials to the construction site. Chris and Erika's dexterity helped assemble the individual pieces. Aqua put her artistic skills to good use to carve each wooden piece and apply adhesives and paint, Cielo helping her. Megumin and Yunyun broke apart rocks to create an anchor and other items. And Kazuma kept everything organized and efficient.

Still, the building of a sea vessel was by no means a cakewalk. The group working together was able to complete about half of the boat by the time the sun began to set, after which Kazuma put his hands to his mouth.

"Alright everyone, that's enough for today. Let's get some rest and we'll pick it up tomorrow! We're making some excellent progress; we should be able to set off the day after tomorrow."

"Eh, you mean we have to wait another whole day before we can start?" Leah said, not pausing her hammering of one of the logs into place. "I'm really not that tired, if I work through the night, we'll make much better time!"

"Oh yes, I can work through the night too!' Cielo said. "Really, it's not a problem, Mr. Kazuma."

"Oh, me too!" Erika said. "I'm not keeping my cute self away from the world for longer than I have to!"

"Look, you really don't have too…" Kazuma started, but already the other girls were starting to nod in agreement.

"Good grief, I suppose I'll have to help you as well," Megumin chuckled as she continued working.

"Don't count me out!" Aqua said. "Allow me to show you just how useful I can be!"

"Me too!" said Darkness. "It's my duty as a Crusader to push myself to my absolute limits for my companions!"

"Of course, I'll help too!" Yunyun said. "After you all were so nice to me, it's only fair that I help you as much as I can!"

"Well, I sure don't wanna be left out," Chris chuckled.

As the eight of them exchanged knowing glances, Kazuma simply sighed and smiled at his friends.

"You guys…" he said. "I suppose it's just like to you be so dedicated to this, even if we're not the most wealthy, competent, or popular…

…BUT YOU'RE ALL COMPLETE IDIOTS!"

The girls all froze in place at Kazuma's outburst. He put down his blueprint before turning to the west where the familiar orange light of the sunset was bathing the clouds in the warm glow.

"Just look at that. You know, my father used to tell me that the sun setting meant that the world was telling you that you've done enough for today." Kazuma said, putting his hands on his hips. "And ever since I started working as a man, I've finally figured out what he meant."

"Um, I don't mean to offend your father's wisdom, Kazuma," said Leah. "I just want to express how hardworking we can all be for this goal."

"Being hardworking doesn't mean jack if you don't work smart as well!" Kazuma said. "Look, I know I like to brag about how much toiling I had to do when I first started out as an adventurer. But that wasn't because I wanted to, nor was it the best way to do anything. It was simply what allowed me to keep living from day to day. If I had a little more leeway, I absolutely would've taken the time to slow down and pace myself. Get strong in other ways. Focus on my mind as well. And of course, make sure to take breaks when possible!"

Everyone put down their tools and came to surround Kazuma, but he didn't notice while he was giving his speech.

"I didn't become so powerful by working myself to the bone, and I definitely didn't have this power handed to me like a certain swordsman. I took time to fight monsters and level up at a good pace. I used smarts, cooperation, and patience to take down powerful enemies. In other words, it'd be ridiculous to do nothing but work for days at a time. If you need a break, then take it! If it seems like there's an easier way, then try it! And when the sun sets, that's without a doubt a sign that it's time to sleep!"

"Kazuma…" everyone looked at one another, amazed at Kazuma's words.

"...Is it just me or did Kazuma suddenly get really cool all of a sudden?" said Yunyun.

"For a second, he looked like an actual smart person," said Aqua.

"Uh… why are you looking at me like that?" said Kazuma

I was just rattling some stuff off from an anime I watched. Don't tell me that sounded profound to them.

"How incredibly wise again, Kazuma," said Leah. "Tell me, where do you learn all of these important bits of wisdom?"

"My father, of course," Kazuma smiled. "He was a great businessman in his own right, and I'm carrying on in his footsteps to build up the Satou family fortune once again!"

"Such a noble cause…" Erika said.

"Come on, let's all head back to the manor. You're welcome to come with us or return to your own home, Axel Hearts.

"Yah!" Sleepover!" said Erika.

Before long, Kazuma was heading home, with his entire group following behind him. As they walked, Erika let out a dreamy sigh before turning to her two bandmates.

"Kazuma! Is just so dreamy!" she said. "If it were up to me, I'd marry him in a heartbeat!"

"You have very low standards, Erika," Leah said. "Kazuma's a great person, that's for sure, but is he really boyfriend material?"

"Of course, he is!" Erika said. "If I had my way, I'd marry him in a heartbeat!"

Overhearing their conversation, Chris and Megumin exchanged looks.

"Girl's got problems, it would seem," Chris said.

"Indeed," Megumin crossed her arms.

"Kazuma's clearly been telling them half-truths," said Chris. "Then again, what would we expect from that opportunistic scumbag…"

"No, that is not the problem!" Megumin interrupted her. "The real issue is the interruption to the established romantic structure!"

"Huh?"

"Such a basic and generic feminine type," Megumin said. "Kazuma would obviously prefer a girl with class and culture, who's not afraid to be something original!"
"Are you implying that you're jealous?"

"Eh?!" Megumin blushed. "I never said anything similar to that!"

"Yeah, but your face is all red," Yunyun walked over to the two of them. 'Oh, so you really do have a crush on Kazuma!"

"I-I would never!" Megumin cleared her throat. "Who in the right mind would date such a lazy and uncultured type, no matter how intelligent and good at posing he is! He's not cute in the slightest, and no amount of being incredibly cool, more so than anyone I've ever met, is going to make for how much I do NOT want to raise his children!"

"You all realize I can hear you all, right?" Kazuma shouted rather loudly, silencing all the girls. "And don't think I'll be swayed by some silly words. If any of you actually have a thing for me, I suggest you quit going off about that and just confess and quit wasting all of our time!"

Nobody spoke. Kazuma let out a hearty laugh.

"That checks out. I knew it would be too much to ask for to have a popular phase right now."

Megumin coughed aloud as if that would somehow communicate that she did, in fact, want to raise his children.

KONOSUBA

Nevertheless, with hard work and good pacing, the group managed to complete their ship, affectionately named by Megumin, the SS Subarashii. Kazuma had initially protested but realized that he and Aqua were the only ones able to translate the Japanese name. Which lead to Kazuma wondering where Megumin had first heard of the word.

As they launched their sea vessel into the ocean, the wharf master was utterly shocked but was unable to find any way to charge them. After all, how many other people were willing to build an entire boat just to avoid their prices?

The SS Subarashii was by no means a unique boat, but it did boast some rather bizarre features. From the intricately carved head of some kind of cat creature on the front, to the sail that Aqua had drawn upon a cartoonish circle with the words Konosuba within, to the fact that the anchor had straps that one could attach a person to, presumably for deep-sea diving though Darkness seemed to have another idea when she suggested it.

It's a little strange to look at, but goddamnit we worked hard to put this thing together. We deserve to be proud of it!

"Next stop, the Crimson Demon Village!" Kazuma put his hands on his hips.

And with that, our heroes weighed anchor and sailed off to their next adventure.

Oh, how foolish of them. To not foresee the utter terror that rested under the ocean.

KONOSUBA!

"I was never right, for the hero type of… type of… type of… role, yes! There's the note!"

Leah could be heard from inside her cabin working on new song. Now, everyone simply assumed it would be great, but Kazuma had something else in mind, as the song he heard sounded familiar.

It was a song he'd heard long ago in Japan, from one of his favorite animes and artists. Thinking back to those nostalgic days of staying home and watching his favorite show without a care in the world, happily humming along to that wonderful song, he felt a moment of bliss. Without thinking, he began to sing aloud.

"I admit it, with my heart

Shivering in fear, I can see todays reflected in each past tear…"

Suddenly, Leah's cabin went silent. Kazuma realized he'd been singing Crossing Road aloud and cursed himself for doing so.

It was not a moment later when Leah's door burst open.

"Where did you hear that?!" she exclaimed.

"Hm? Oh, it's uh…" Kazuma scrambled to think of an excuse. "Sorry to interrupt you, it's just that the song you were working on sounded a lot like one I used to sing back in my hometown."

"Oh, really?" Leah tilted her head in suspicion. "Then how would you know the exact lyrics of the song before I even wrote them?"

"Eh?" Kazuma said. He couldn't figure out a way to explain that he came from another world where that exact song was from a show he liked. "It's uh… hey, you can't prove those were your lyrics to start with! For all I know, you were about to just copy what I sang!"

"Oh, you're good at this, aren't you," Leah put her hands on her hips. "But I'll have you know that song is pretty darn popular in my hometown, of which you've probably never heard of before?"

"Oh really?" Kazuma raised an eyebrow. "Then where do you come from?"

"Where do you come from?" Leah shot back

"Nagano!"

"Hachimantai!"

Both of them froze in place.

"Don't tell me…" Kazuma said.

"Does that mean that you…" Leah said as they slowly closed the distance.

"...Also reincarnated from Japan?!" they exclaimed at the same time.

Neither of them spoke for a while before Kazuma was the next to break the awkward silence.

"Alright, you, me, my quarters, right now. And Aqua too!"

"Eh, what's Aqua got to do with any of this?"

"You'll see in a mo-"

"KAZUMA KAZUMA!" Aqua shouted from the portside.

"Yes, I'm Kazuma," Kazuma turned to see her pointing out into the sea.

"There's another ship over there!" she said.

"Is that so?" Kazuma walked over to her side of the boat and saw that yes indeed, a boat-shaped dot could be seen from a good distance away. "Must be a merchant or something. Wait a minute…"

Just to be safe, Kazuma activated his Sniper Skill to isolate the image and bring it into focus.

This particular ship was smaller than theirs and much sharper. But hanging from the topmast was something that made Kazuma far more concerned. A pitch-black flag with a picture of skull and crossbones embroidered on it.

"Ah crud, it's a black flag!" Kazuma shouted. "All hands-on deck, we gotta make sure they don't see-"

"Force fire!" Aqua raised a hand to the sky and blasted a colorful firework-like projectile into the air, soaring far above the mainsail and bursting into colorful light, which almost certainly caught the attention of the black-flagged vessel.

"What the heck, Aqua, what are you doing?" Kazuma said.

"Hey, don't look so angry! You said it had a black flag," Aqua gave him a questioning look. "That means we have to stop and signal them as punishment for violating a rule or driving dangerous or to force inspection of hazardous conditions such as an oil leak. Geez, Kazuma, do you even know how vehicles work?"

"That's for motorsports! For boats, a black flag means pirate ship, you idiot!"

"PIRATES?" the entire boat exclaimed.

As I'm sure most of you are unaware, contrary to their depiction in fictitious works, pirates are not the type who would openly attack anything remotely resembling a boat out on open waters. Rather, they'd go for valuable targets that would be worth the effort of raiding them in the first place. And in this case, the rather extravagant décor of the SS Subarashii had caused these naval themes to mistake it for a luxury liner, one that would most certainly be carrying rich people with lots of money and jewels to drop, expensive alcohol and food, and many other treasures. In reality, their ship's storage consisted mostly of barebones travel supplies simply to keep them alive until they made it to their destination. Aqua was carrying with her a secret stash of booze, but it was hidden to the point where it would take at least a good afternoon to find it. But what really scared them was the very real possibility of the pirates stealing their stage equipment and merchandise, which would jeopardize the entire tour and put the group in even greater financial turmoil.

The group of nine scrambled to prepare a defense. Megumin and Yunyun readied themselves below deck to hurl spells in place of cannon balls, Darkness, Chris, and Erika all drew their weapons in case of a boarding, Aqua and Cielo applied buffs onto everyone, Leah was positioned at the ship's wheel while Kazuma stood upon the eagle's nest with a spyglass.

"Here they come!" Megumin shouted.

"FIRE!" Kazuma yelled back.

"Killer Queen, bomb type one!"

"Fireball!"

Once the pirate ship came into range, shots were exchanged between the two boats. A pair of cannon balls lodged themselves into the side hull, while the two Crimson Demons' spells ignited barrels near the deck, to which a frantic cabin boy doused immediately with nearby buckets.

"Keep it up!" Kazuma exclaimed. "Leah, pull us away from the broadside!"

"Roger!"

She cranked the wheel as hard as she could, diverting the ship away from the pirates', cautiously slipping past them.

"They can't hit us as long as we avoid the cannons- WAIT WHAT?" Kazuma glanced at the enemy's bow, where six pirates with bows and arrows were positioned at the stern, which their ship was currently swerving towards.

"Incoming!" Megumin yelped, as they all dove behind cover to avoid the archer fire. Kazuma grit his teeth. The enemy ship was much smaller than theirs, outsailing it was not an option if they didn't' want to risk a collision.

He shouted to the rest of the crew. "We'll have to take them out, there's no other choice! Darkness, offensive maneuvers!"

"Understood, Kazuma!" Darkness steeled her resolve and breathed. "I will take on the full brunt of their ship alone so that you all may win this battle!"

"Wait, what?"

"LEEROY JENKINS!" Darkness jumped off a nearby plank as a board before leaping into the distance between the two ships and grabbed the ropes on the side of the pirate ship and began to climb. The pirates all looked shocked at the crusader's hand appearing over the side moments before she vaulted upwards and raised her weapon.
"Never seen anyone try that before, that's for sure!" one of the more burly-looking types said as he grabbed a nearby cutlass.

"Come on, abuse me all you can you degenerate ruffian!" Darkness exclaimed as she started to pant.

"Oh, no," Kazuma said. "Alright Chris, here's the plan…"

"What did you just call me?" the pirate raised an eyebrow. "My name is Collin, by the way…"

"Yes, you're just what I'm looking for! A big uncultured brute to wrestle me into submission! I bet your brain is already filling with taboo ideas about what to do with this unruly crusader…"

"What the heck-?" Leah began, but Kazuma dismissed her with a wave of his hand.

"Just let her do her thing!"

"Come on, hit me with all you got, you vile scum of the earth!"

"Now hold on a second, missy!" the pirate paused and sternly held his sword at his side. "Don't act like you know these waters. I was born on them, I've grown up on them, I've been nurtured by them! And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's upper-crust brats like you acting all high-and-mighty while crushing people like us under the heel of your boot! You spoiled noble girls are all the same, treating us like trash to manipulate however you want! So, if you want to call me scum, then go ahead! It'll make it all more satisfying when I tear you to shreds and take your fancy armor for myself!"

"I…" Darkness looked like she was about to say more, but after hearing his speech, she was at a loss for words. "I… I apologize!"

"You best be ready for- wait, what?"

"It was wrong for me to make assumptions based on your background! For that, I am sorry!"

"…Okay," Collin blinked. "Uh, moral high ground aside, we're gonna rob you no matter what,"

"I'd like to see you try," Darkness took a fighting stance once again. Not giving it another thought, Collin charged in with his own weapon, but she simply battered him aside like a baseball, sending him stumbling and falling on his face.

"Woah, most people can't do jack again Collin's special technique, but she just smacked it aside like it was nothing!' Another pirate exclaimed.

Wait, is this a Shonen story now?

"She must be a really powerful crusader!" Another pirate, a female one this time, said. "Everybody attack at once! She can't handle all of us!"

"Oh no, Darkness!" Cielo exclaimed, as the pirates all prepared to charge. But before anything else could happen, another voice shouted.

"Hold on, everyone!"

A tall woman, easily a full head above Darkness' already impressive stature, emerged from within the crowd of pirates. Judging on her more elaborate clothes and the way the other pirates immediately moved out of their way, one could easily determine she was the captain. She also had long auburn hair with frazzled ends, adorned with a stereotypical black pirate hat. Her equally mature figure was donned in cloth and leather decorated with several belt buckles arranged in a complex pattern, as if each one was a trophy of some kind.

"I want this one for myself!" the captain declared, drawing a pair of scimitars. "Alright Crusader, you're nothing like the usual type of knights we deal with. What's your name?"

"I am Darkness, of Team Konosuba!" Darkness put her fist to her chest. "And with my unbreakable will, I will forever protect my companions to my last breath!"

"Such fiery determination," the captain smiled and twirled one of her blades. "You'll know me as the Pirate Queen Allystar, captain of the Silver Vengeance, and whom even the Devil King has come to fear! Through my unstoppable power, I will carve us a path to glory and victory!"

The pirates all let out a simultaneous cheer at their captain's introduction. Without another word, she charged in for an attack.

Somewhat impressed by the captain's boldness, Darkness raised her own weapon to defend, their blades meeting in a loud clang that made some of the nearby pirates cover their ears.

"Oh my… what an impressive sword!" the captain said, taking a moment to inspect her opponent's weapon. "Most metals can't hold up against the combined force of my special blades who are named…"

She raised her left sword "Agony…"

Then her right sword "...and Ecstasy! When striking at the same time, they can break through almost anything. But your blade is special."

"This is the almighty holy sword known as Indestructible!" Darkness steeled her resolve and brandished her great sword. "It was a gift from a dear friend. Like myself, it will not break under any attack, even yours Allystar!"

"Hey, the boss let you know her name! That means she respects you! You better show her equal esteem!" Another pirate wearing a mask around her face shouted at Darkness.

What is this, a female gang?

I recognize your ability to inflict damage, and its relation to my ability to absorb it. I will admit, in spite of the threat to my life, I am eager to find out which of us shall prevail!"

More like, because of the threat to your life! Everybody can see you panting!

"Then let's continue," Allystar raced forward again. In a series of loud crashes, like cymbals being smashed by a gorilla, the two warriors exchanged blows with each other. The surrounding pirates watched in amazement as cursed steel met holy steel, as they locked passionate eyes at each other, and let out the odd erotic moan whenever one of them scored a hit.

Meanwhile, Kazuma and his party exchanged looks. Distracted by Darkness' battle, they had stopped fighting entirely.

"So… how do we get her back and then leave?" said Chris.

"Hm…" Leah looked around. "Well, there are two possible outcomes to this fit. Either Darkness wins, and the rest of the crew are too scared to fight here, and we leave no issue… Or Darkness loses, and then they turn on us, now without our frontline."

"Yeah, we learned not to take on group fights without Darkness a while ago," Kazuma said. "We're pretty much done for, especially since we have neither the element of surprise nor any kind of terrain advantage. And manipulating citizens or demons is one thing, but I have no idea how to manipulate pirates."

"What was that last part?" said Cielo

"Uh, nothing…" said Kazuma.

"Well, if we try to board their ship now, then they might be able to rob ours blind while we're fighting," said Yunyun. "We have to stay here."

"But if we just stay here, then there's nothing we can do if they decide to gang up on Darkness," said Erika.

"It's a shame we can't just help her from here," Megumin crossed her arms. "What do you think, Aqua? Wait, Aqua?"

Everyone looked around. Sure enough, their resident bluenette was nowhere to be seen.

"Ah crap, they must have gotten her while we weren't looking!" said Kazuma. "Everyone! Spread out and search!"

"Right!"

Meanwhile, Darkness and Allystar gracefully encircled one another, striking at each other when they saw an opening, neither gaining any advantage.

"I must say, Allystar," Darkness said, as she dove for the pirate captain's feet, who narrowly avoided. "When one thinks of a pirate captain, the image of a woman as beautiful yet powerful as you, certainly does not come to mind!"

"I could say the same back to you, gorgeous," Allystar smirked and went in for a twirling slash, swiftly parried by Darkness. "Most people don't think of pretty ladies like you as crusaders, they think of sweaty men with chiseled faces and fancy hair. Well, I guess I don't have much to speak with on that last part." She laughed and let her long locks fly in the wind.

"My sentiments exactly!" Darkness caught her off guard with a hefty shoulder bash, smashing into her side, before Allystar kicked her back. "Nngh! Some people still mistake me for a costumed performer! My own father even referred to my calling as "unladylike!" If you ask me, assigning genders to classes was a stupid idea!"

"Society failed you too, I see, didn't it darling?" Allystar whipped her blades around, narrowly slicing off a wisp of Darkness' ponytail. "A true shame. It reminds me of myself. Even as a little girl, the world had no qualms about making me out to be a pathetic trinket to be traded around, sold to the highest bidder, and toyed with like a personal plaything. But as a pirate, I've come to see the real truth of the world."

She dove in for another slice, this time crashing into Darkness' pauldron in an X shape, carving an intricate mark on the white armor.

"Society might see as a bunch of mindless beasts, but we think otherwise! My crew? Losing one of them, would be like losing family! Men? Women? None of that crap matters when it comes to swashbuckling and sailing! We, the crew of the Silver Vengeance, are in this together no matter what!"

"Such profound words, big sis, it brings tears to my eyes…" one of the male pirates exclaimed.

"You tell her, cap'n!" said another pirate.

"Kick her ass, mama!" a disproportionately young girl with a pirate hat also raised a blade.

Wait, she has a kid?

Suddenly, a Darkness' silver blade managed to tear a gash into the side of Allystar's long skirt. Not enough to expose anything, much to Kazuma's disappointment, but enough to notice it.

"I see," Darkness panted and took a step back. "So, you and your crew aren't so different from me and my party after all. Chris… Aqua… Kazuma… Megumin, and Yunyun… they've all treated me like I was the same as them, no matter my gender or my status… no, I am the same as them! Because, as long as I fight under the name of team Konosuba, I'll never betray the trust that they've given me, and them to me! Isn't' that right, you all?"

"Go get her, Darkness!" Megumin cheered.

"You got this!" said Chris.

"Of course! You all are the best…. The best friends I could ever ask for!" said Yunyun.

"Good grief. Of course, I've got your back, Darkness!" said Kazuma.

"Huh, ain't that nifty?" Allystar smiled. "You know, I kinda don't wanna fight you anymore,"

"Wait, where's Aqua?" said Darkness.

"I think the pirates got her!"

"What?" Allystar said. She then turned to her crew and shouted at the top of her lungs. "Hey, you all know the rules! We don't take prisoners! They're noisy and annoying to deal with!"

"Uh, we didn't take her, mama," the small girl from earlier walked up. "She just got hit off the boat by a stray cannonball."

"Oh, is that so?" Allystar blinked. "Ah, fiddlesticks. Well, I guess we'll call off our attack for now. Go find your friend."

"Wait, really?" Darkness said. The pirate woman merely laughed.

"Something tells me, you're not the kind of people I wouldn't mind robbing. Corrupt landlords, rich heirs, wayward royalty, those kinds of upper-crust jerks. But you're a pretty decent band of adventurers. Besides… I've taken a particular liking to you, Darkness. I think we'll be having a lot of fun together soon, Darkness,"

She winked, and Darkness suddenly blushed.

"Oh my… if those times are anywhere near as intense as just now…"

"Trust me, beautiful," Allystar sauntered up and gently raised the crusader's chin, forcing her to lock eyes. "Men don't thrill me half as much as women do. And yet, I don't think I've met anyone who made me feel so good."

They are talking about fighting, right?

"I'll… I'll remember you, Allystar," Darkness said, glancing at the mark on her armor.

"So will I, Darkness," her companion traced the cut on her skirt. "Alright, you heard me! Pack up and prepare to sail off. We'll get some other bastards to steal from."

"...What just happened?" said Chris.

"I think Darkness and the captain became friends," said Yunyun.

"Calling that friendship is like calling a succubus pretty. Understatement of the fucking century," said Chris. "Hey, did anyone else know if Darkness was into women or not? I mean, she mentioned wanting a husband but-"

"Wait, Aqua's still missing!" Kazuma said. "We gotta-"

All of a sudden, the water between the two boats began to bloat and bulge. It grew, rising higher, and higher, until it was far above their heads, between the two sails. Thick tendrils made entirely of ocean water began to sprout from every bit of surface area on the mysterious swell. At the very top, the water receded back to reveal a familiar figure. Aqua stood atop the column of water.

"Oh, there you are!" Kazuma shouted. "Hey Aqua! Nice to see you-"

But as he continued looking, something was wrong. Aqua's usual clueless or bubbly expression was nowhere to be seen, now she bore a dark and gloomy look upon all she beheld. For no apparent reason, she raised her hand up to her face. Then she laughed, but not the cheerful and silly laugh Kazuma had come to know. A sadistic and taunting laugh like a corrupt female teacher.

"Finally. FINALLY! After ten thousand years of being trapped behind that fool, I am finally free and able to seek my revenge!"

"...What?" said Kazuma.

"Oh… crap," Chris said. "She fell into the ocean, didn't she?"

I'm sorry, what the F-

Chapter Text

Hi again. This is the last chapter.

Aqua, or at least, the figure who appeared to be Aqua, loomed over both the adventurers and pirates. Her gaze sweeping over them all like great waves of the ocean.

"No… no, no, no, no, no, no!" Chris screamed to the sky. "How could I have let this happen? What have I done?"

"Chris?" said Yunyun. She then turned to their blue-haired companion "Aqua! Stop joking around and come down already! You're scaring Chris!"

"Oh, you poor little fools," the goddess grinned sadistically. "It's seeming that "Chris" has fooled you all as well."

"Huh?" said Chris. Her pupils shrank as the self-proclaimed Marina let out a hoity laugh.

"I'm sorry, what the actual heck just happened?" said Kazuma. "Hey Aqua! When the heck did you learn how to talk like that?"

Unmoved, Marina's watery platforms swerved and slithered like a snake, snapping her right in front of Kazuma. He yelped as her piercing blue eyes locked with his.

"Ah, the fearless adventurer "Kazuma," she said. "I must thank you. If not for you bringing Aqua to this world, then I would've have had the chance to free myself from her."

"I don't understand…" Kazuma said. "If you're not Aqua, who are you?"

The goddess sneered again and retracted from him. Two more watery tendrils burst out from the sides of the pillar.

"Marina. Goddess of the Ocean, and who was once in charge of the undead!" she said. "Who was forced to share a body with my infinitely inferior freshwater counterpart!"

"Freshwater?" said Darkness. "Wait, don't tell me…. Aqua was telling the truth the whole time?"

"…EH?!" Erika shrieked. "Hold on, I'm kind of losing the plot here. Something about being from another world?"

Chris let out an audible sigh.

"I'll explain everything later! Point is, when Aqua came in contact with the ocean, Marina was able to take over her body. And unless we can get Aqua back, she's gonna kill us all!"

"Kill us?" said Cielo. "But Aqua is a nice girl!"

"Trust me, darling," Marina sneered and raised a hand. "Niceness is for the weak."

What happened next seemed to be in slow motion. A tendril shot forward and burst right through Yunyun's stomach. The Crimson Demon girl slowly looked down to see her blood coloring the water dark red. Everyone looked on in shock as the sharp point sprouted from her back, tainted with her insides. The life drained from her face before her body fell lifelessly on the floor.

"…Oh shit," said Kazuma.

"Oh my god, she killed Yunyun!" said Cielo.

"You bitch!" Leah turned her attention to Marina, who merely laughed and began to conjure more tentacles.

"Pathetic mortals! Those foolish gods who favored you merely because of your worship shall rue the day that the ocean shall take over this world! Every kingdom from Belzerg to the Demon King, shall soon become my territory!"

"...Oh, I see what this is about," Megumin said.

Marina looked unamused as the Crimson Demon stepped forward, ignorant of the darkening sky behind her.

"You're just jealous!"

Marina blinked, as did the rest of the group.

What?

"Jealous?" she tilted her head in curiosity.

"Yeah, that's what's going on here! Let me guess, you can't stand seeing your knight in shining armor who rescued you away from godly prison to a magical land of wonder and yadda yadda, hanging out with a bunch of cute girls! So, you're trying to smack us out of the picture to have Kazuma all to yourself! Well, jokes on you, bitch!"

"A-Are you serious?" Marina stifled a laugh. "BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's glorious! You pathetic humans have to turn everything into a silly rom-com."

"That's the only reason you'd do this, Aqua," Megumin. "I can't believe you'd betray us like this. And that is why… I shall take it upon myself to remind you why you're our friend!"

Hold on, what the heck is going on here?

"Um, what's happening, Kazuma?" Cielo said.

"I don't know…" Kazuma looked up at the self-proclaimed Marina.

"Oh, what are you going to do?" Marina said in mock fear. "Give a friendship speech? Try to convince your ally to try and fight me from the inside, as I have done for ten thousand years? Bring up distinctive character traits about Aqua that might wake her up from inside me? Force me to do something Aqua despises to the point of insanity to force her to take control? Make Kazuma kiss me to remind Aqua what she loves about this world? All of those pathetic tropes are useless!"

"No, not like that," Megumin suddenly grinned and wagged a finger. "Behold…"

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bit of straw, dropped it on the ground, and stomped on it.

"Killer Queen Bomb Type Four: Don't stop me now!"

"Type Four?"

In a moment, Megumin flew up into the air as the piece of straw combusted, blasting her upwards like a cannon. She wasted no time and repositioned, another explosion bursting from her other foot, launching her in Marina's direction.

Unable to react, Marina took a hard smack in the face from Megumin's fist.

"Ow!" the goddess momentarily broke her composure. "What do you think you're doing?"

"The ability to Don't Stop me Now causes anything I touch to explode instantly. These particular explosions cause no damage to me, and instead allow me to fly through the air using my Explosions as fuel!" Megumin declared before blast jumping backward before Marina could respond with a God Blow. "Go on, throw anything at me, it won't' matter at all!"

Gritting her teeth, Marina raised a hand and sent a barrage of tentacles directly at the girl. Megumin simply smirked and dashed around each of one of them, causing them to explode with a light tap. No matter how many more projectiles Marina sent at her, Megumin blew them up and catapulted around the ship like a demolition pinball. Explosions left right and center, illuminating the ship with a gorgeous orange glow, with Megumin as the centerpiece as she confidently danced from one enemy to another, blowing them all up with a leap, skip, or pirouette.

"This ain't worth it! Everybody set sail!" Allystar yelled as Darkness leaped back onto the SS Subarashii. The pirate ship began to sail away, but not before Marina set her sights on it. Gliding towards the ship atop her tower of waters, she began to summon five magic circles around her.

"Spears of Ice: Lethal Mode!" she called out. Thousands of needle-like icicles shot out at Megumin. At once, Darkness moved in front of her.

"I don't care what it takes! Aqua is our friend and I'll gladly die to save her!" she shouted at Marina.

"How pathetic! You think an Erisite has any chance against me?" Marina glided forward on her water platform. "Let's see how your armor fares against one thousand bars of water pressure!"

Three tentacles sprung out of the water and wrapped around Darkness' limbs. Unable to keep her footing she yelped and dug her sword into the wooden deck as they attempted to pull her overboard.

"Darkness, no!" Chris screamed and grabbed the Crusader's hands. Kazuma grabbed Chris, followed by Megumin, while Marina continued to laugh in ecstasy.

"I've forgotten how much fun it is to watch you mortals squirm about!" she cackled. "Come on, I dare you to-"

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's Erika-Chan!"

Erika suddenly revealed herself to the crowd, striking a cute pose and winking simultaneoulsy. Everyone stared in confusion.

"What on earth is that supposed to-"

BOOM!

A blast of pink energy exploded in Marina's face. The goddess reeled as Erika revealed herself panting.

"See that?" she declared. "That was all of my cute energy compressed into a single attack! My ultimate skill, Dramatic Entrance!"

The explosion distracted Marina long enough for them to wrench Darkness free.

"I get it!" Kazuma snapped his fingers. "Marina might be a lot stronger than Aqua, but she stills shares her body! If we attack her directly, we might have a chance."

"Like baiting a fish!" Erika pointed back at him. "Great thinking Kazuma!"

"Fools fools fools!' Marina screamed and conjured more tentacles. "I'll tear you to shreds!"

"No you won't!" Leah suddenly appeared, carrying with her an electric keyboard. She quickly set up a stand and propped it up.

"This is no time for music!" said Megumin.

"Au contraire. It's always time for music!" Leah shouted.

Without a word of explanation, she began to play. A powerful upbeat melody swept across the boat, as shimmering lights in the shapes of music notes began to materialize around them.

"What the heck?" Marina exclaimed. Her tentacles shot out at the group, but each one was intercepted by Leah's projections. "No… this must be… the legendary artifact created by the gods? The item known as the Piano of Fate?"

"Where did you get…" Chris began, but something clicked in her head. "Oh, I see what's going on."

A bead of sweat began to appear at Leah's brow as she maintained her impromptu performance. Marina kept up her assault at the increasingly scared adventurers.

"Leah, let me take over! You need to break through!" Darkness rushed over to her.

"What? It takes a lot of skill to play-"

Darkness shoved her out of the way, before beginning her own song. A strong and somber classical piece rippled through the air, bursting forward unto Marina in the form of bright yellow notes.

Darkness' fingers danced across the keys with perfect rhythm and cadence, as she performed with legendary precision. The melody she played swam through the air and inspired a glimmer of hope in the eyes of her companions.

"I keep forgetting she's a noblewoman…" Kazuma said. "Nevermind. It's time for an offensive play! I'll head to the wheel. Everyone else, prepare to focus Marina! Darkness, you keep playing!"

"Well, no shame in a little assistience," Leah put her hands on her hips before clearing her throat. "Hey, Darkness! Can you improvise?"

"Uh, a bit?"

"Just follow my voice!" she took a deep breath.

They unfurled the sails as per Kazuma's instructions. In the gathering winds that Marina summoned, the boat began to glide violently. Cranking the wheel as far as would, Kazuma turned the ship straight onto Marina.

"What the…" the goddess shrieked and conjured even more tentacles, but they were still unable to pierce though the wall of music.

"Everyone, attack!" Kazuma yelled.

"Killer Queen: Don't stop me now!" Megumin rocketed off at Marina and swiftly slipped through her tentacles, before dropping her hat. "Sheer Heart Attack."

Chomusuke leaped out and latched onto Marina's face.

"ACK! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"

"She's blinded!" Erika shouted. "Cutesy Combo Attack!"

She grabbed onto a nearby flailing tentacle and sprung upwards towards Marina before unsheathing her dagger. She slashed back and forth, on the goddesses body, striking a pose between each blow. As she continued, her dagger began to glow pink, before she unleashed a final stab to the stomach. She winked before she floated down to the ground.

"My turn!" Chris stretched out a hand. "Bind!"

Ropes flew out and tied around Marina's body. She shrieked and began to struggle. Her water column splashed apart and she landed face first onto the ship.

"Finish her off!" Darkness shouted.

"Behold, my ultimate skill!" Leah flipped around her spear to her microphone. "Musical Power Up!"

Leah: I was never right for the hero type of role . I admit itWith my heart shivering in fearI can see today's reflected in each past tearEven so, it has been calling the heavens to meBut I cannot hide all the emptiness inside my fleeting heartOnce in my dreams I rose and soaredNo matter how I'm knocked around or beaten downI will stand up, restoredAll of my love has yet to wakeI know your strength is what I lackYou've got my back and know that I've got yoursI have you to thank for lighting up the darkBecause you're here with meOur dreams will soar free forever(I wanna always be with you .. ("AmaLee - Crossing Field Lyrics Musixmatch") I give you everything I have-

Suddenly, the entire boat shook as several more tentacles sprung out and began to wrap around the musical barriar.

"Whatt the heck?" said Chris. Marina shook off Chomusuke and grinned.

"You fools! I control the ocean with my will! I'll drag you all down to the bottom without lifting a finger!" she cackled again, as Darkness lost her balance and fell to the ground, while Leah lost her concentration and dropped her microphone.

"Uh oh…" said Megumin. More and more tentacles emerged and curled around the ship, preparing to pull it under-

"Create Water!"

A bolt of clear freshwater exploded out of Kazuma's hand and right onto Marina's face.

"Ptooey! Ack! What the hell was that for, Kazuma?" the bluenette exclaimed. "Uh… why are you all looking so freaked out? And why is everything wet? And where's Yunyun? Wait… what's going on?"

"…Aqua?" Megumin looked on in incredulousness. "Wait, this could be a trap."

"Well, there's one way to find out," Kazuma walked over to the group. "Honestly, this goddess is useless she can't even tell what's going on half the time…"

"ACK! STOP CALLING ME THAT, KAZUMA!" Aqua whined and latched onto him. Kazuma smiled brightly and returned the hug.

"Aqua! You are back!" he said, delightfully squeezing her. She stopped crying and looked at him strangely.

"Huh?"

Welp, I'm done with this story. Feel free to do whatever you want with it.