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Keefe lay on their bed, pleasantly exhausted. It had been a fun day, a day away from work. The group had spent a majority of the day doing miscellaneous stuff like exploring the Lost Cities. It was finally an opportunity for Keefe, Sophie, Fitz, Tam, Linh, and Dex to bond over something that wasn’t centered around the Neverseen or Black Swan. (Biana was shopping with Della.)
At one point of the day they ended up in a forest. It was filled with the sound of their laughter, and Keefe had a warm, bubbly feeling inside them. They chatted with Fitz over dumb things, and it almost felt like how it was before. Keefe was happy. They let Fitz walk ahead, Sophie moving to reach him. Before, that would’ve sent flames of jealousy through them. It still hurt, but it was much more bearable when they had someone else to divert their affection to, feelings that might actually be reciprocated. They didn’t know if the one they had their eyes on could actually tell that Keefe’s flirting wasn’t a joke, though.
They turned around, sticking their head past Linh and Tam, who were walking side by side. Linh giggled at something Tam said and shoved him playfully. She smiled warmly as her eyes met theirs. This sent a feeling through Keefe that they couldn’t explain. This is what they did everything for. This is why Keefe would go through the pain and suffering and hurt they’d experienced over and over. They’d do all of it, just to see their friends happy. They deserved that, they all deserved that. This one day of relaxation was well overdue. And all of it would be worth it once they got what they wanted. They would be able to be like this all the time. That was what they were doing this for.
A thud against their shoulder and the surprised yelp that followed snapped the empath out of their thoughts . Keefe blinked, coming to their senses. Their eyes opened to what felt like the most beautiful thing they’d had ever seen. They thought that it wouldn’t be so bad to see that every time they opened their eyes. As Keefe stared into the deep, shimmering eyes tethered to Dex’s face, they designated periwinkle their new favorite color. Keefe starred, in a trance, as Dex blinked in what seemed like slow motion. This did nothing to deter Keefe’s starring. Den’s pale eyelashes swept over his light skin before swiftly returning to their place above his beautiful eyes. It happened within the span of a minute but the images were to be forever stuck in Keefe’s mind, each and every detail.
Dex coughed awkwardly, and Keefe remembered where they were. They didn’t even care how long they had been staring, they wanted to continue. Keefe then realized how far Dex had scrambled away from them, and a smirk spread across their face. Their demeanor quickly switched from awestruck to cocky. “Geez, Dex, I know I’m irresistible, but give me a warning next time.”
They winked as a soft coating of red overtook Dex’s cheeks. Keefe fought the urge to stare at the boy in front of him, who looked like a painting, one that they wanted to buy and hang up in their room so they could stare at it every time they woke up. They would give it an intricate periwinkle frame, Keefe’s favorite color, the color of Dex’s eyes. The color was made for Dex’s face. Keefe thought it contrasted perfectly with the light pink of his lips, which were soft and ethereal, perfectly smooth when contrasted to Keefe’s own thin, chapped lips. His perfectly shaped eyebrows, slightly darker than his hair, framed Dex’s eyes perfectly, and made the color pop. Next was Dex’s strawberry blonde hair, perfectly ruffled in a contained, neat, way that screamed ‘Dex.’
Oh, Dex was so pretty Keefe wanted to cry. Keefe hoped so strongly that whoever Dex ended up with appreciated him as much as he deserved. Because, Dex deserved the world. Keefe did not blind themself with illusions of a future with Dex, but once in a while they let themself be enveloped by dreams of a life together. Keefe ached to give the love they never felt themself. They would treasure Dex until their last breath. They pictured what their house would be like, how their styles would contrast. They thought it would be beautiful to live in a house that actually looked lived in. Not just pristine and clean, apathetic and empty looking. (Hmmmm, whose house could that be.) It would be a safe haven, a place they looked forward to being in. They knew it would never be reality, but they sometimes couldn’t help but entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe…
Their fingers ached to run their hands through Dex’s hair, to see if it felt as light and strong as it looked. Keefe fought the urge to kiss Dex right then and there. Remembering their remarks, they continued, “Not that I minded, though.” Dex smiled lightly, sheepishly. He lightly hit Keefe’s shoulder again.
“Really in the mood to touch me today, huh.”
“Shut up.”
They walked along in silence, shoulders occasionally bumping.
——
Keefe sat up with a newfound urge to see Dex. His smile, his laugh, his comments, Keefe was better because of them. Mustering the energy, they pulled themself off their bed and looked around for their pathfinder. It took a minute, but when they located it on their desk they reached for it, eager to see Dex. They moved the pathfinder to Dex’s home crystal, and then they were gone.
——
Keefe stared up at Rimshire. No matter how many times they’d seen it, the Dizznee residence never ceased to amaze them. Keefe walked up to the front with a poorly hidden enthusiasm lacing their steps (not that they did much to hide it,) and was greeted by Bex, who attempted to close the door on them before they stuck their leg in. They walked in. “Where’s Dex?” Keefe looked around suspiciously. “And where are the other two?”
Bex only smirked. “Dex is in his room, as always.” She began to walk away, but stopped and turned, a sly grin overtaking her face. “And don’t forget to keep the door open.” Against their better judgment, Keefe flushed bright red, the color overtaking their whole face and ears. They quickly rushed up the stairs, moving towards Dex’s room.
When they reached the strawberry blonde’s room, they found the door locked. Given their trixter nature, they quietly unlocked the door with practiced ease. They tiptoed in right as Dex, facing the wall in front of him, raised a blue crystal to the air. Without thinking, Keefe lunged towards him, making contact with Dex’s skin right as they leapt.
Keefe never again wanted to feel what they felt in that very moment, that surge of-that surge of nothing. As if it was a movie playing in the background, they felt a whisper of soul ripping pain, loneliness, abandonment. But the overlying feeling? Numbness. It coated everything, tainted everything. As if the world had taken everything that Dex had. The feelings were gruesome, but at least they were in color. Was this how Dex saw the world? In black and white, stripped of any joy, any solace, anything worth living for? It was only a couple of seconds, but it was a feeling that Keefe would never forget.
As soon as they reached Dex’s destination, Keefe stumbled away, gasping heavily. They took gaping breaths of air, as if they had been underwater, suffocating. Dex’s emotions were suffocating. When Keefe looked up at Dex, now a safe distance away, their shaky breaths came to a halt. Keefe looked into the dull blue eyes that at this moment reminded them of dead periwinkles, and they felt a bit of their heart chip off. Dex’s eyes were empty. How had they not noticed? How had Keefe looked into this broken boy’s eyes, and felt content to get lost in them? Now all they wanted to do was run, to get away from the prison of periwinkle that held Dex’s soul. Terror coursed through Keefe. The walls of Dex’s eyes were trying to capture them, trying to crush them.
And then, like the situation was merely a coincidence and there was nothing wrong- “Oh, hi Keefe!” Dex smiled his beautiful smile, the same one Keefe had seen countless times, including earlier that day. The ice blue eyed enby flinched away, but Dex had no reaction, maintaining his smile.
How had Keefe gotten everything so wrong? They knew better than anyone what a fake smile could hide. How had they mistaken an empty tilt of the technopath’s lips as happiness, a hearty chuckle as contentment, a pretty shade of blue as life? There was nothing behind those smiles. How could Keefe have been so blind? When was the last time they had seen Dex’s dimples? Why hadn’t they noticed when they stopped appearing? When Dex stopped finding things that made him genuinely happy? When Dex stopped finding reasons to smile?
Keefe wanted to cry. There was no point in joking right now, no need for false composure. It was then that their other senses came back and they took into account where they were. Keefe remembered the blue crystal and looked around. If they weren’t so confused they might have found the skyline beautiful. They shivered as relentless wind pushed against them, taunting him. It was cold, as it always was at the top of a skyscraper. The two elves stood in the middle, and Keefe noticed there was no railing surrounding the perimeter. “Dex,” Keefe tensely laughed. “Why did you want to come here?”
“Because it’s beautiful,” Dex sighed. He sat crossed legged on the floor, staring with hooded eyes at all the lights below. “Look at all the lights, Keefe, all the cars. Every person down there has their own life. Their own motivations, their own aspirations, their own relationships. It’s so alive here.” Dex turned his head to look up at Keefe with his empty periwinkle eyes, and Keefe’s lips trembled. “I thought to myself, ‘If a place like this can’t make me feel something, a place so full of life, then nothing can.’”
“I can’t feel anything, Keefe,” said Dex, monotone except for a whisper of sadness. He looked at the blonde boy beside him and whispered, “Why can’t I feel anything anymore?”
Keefe looked into Dex’s hollow eyes. Before, when they looked into Dex’s eyes they saw life and flowers. Beautiful, vibrant flowers. Keefe didn’t see them wilting. Keefe didn’t remember that flowers needed sunlight and attention, that they needed care. Keefe saw that they were pretty to look at, and they saw no further than that.
But at least Keefe gave the flowers attention, which was more than anyone else could say. The flowers were only cared for when every once and a while people remembered how pretty they were. Because that’s all they were good for, right?
So they took,
took,
took, and they tended for the flowers, but not because they cared. They needed to make sure the flowers were prime for use. And when there was nothing more to take, when the flowers were no longer desired, what did they do? They left. And what did that leave the flowers with? Nothing.
“Well.” Dex got to his feet. “That’s that, I guess.”
Keefe laughed shakily. “C‘mon, Dexy, let’s go back home. A little sleep and a lot of mallowmelt, and you’ll be good as new…” Keefe stepped forward, reaching for the boy’s robe, but Dex stepped backwards.
“I’m done, Keefe. This is it.”
Keefe exhaled shakily. “What-what do you mean?” Hair whipped in their face.
“If I go with you, pretend this never happened, what am I going to come back to?”
Keefe looked at him helplessly. “Y-your family, your friend-“
“Keefe, if I jumped off this building right now, how long-how many days would it take for them to notice I was gone?”
“I know we’ve been busy, but this new project’s got us all preoccupied.”
“‘This new project?’”Dex worked to maintain his anger. “This isn’t a new thing, Keefe. And yeah, I definitely get how everyone’s too busy to include Dex but not too busy to check up on everyone else, right? Maybe they’ll remember me when it’s time to work on a new project with technology.”
“You know you’re worth more than that to them, Dex.” Keefe was almost begging him to agree, desperation dripping off their words.
The boy laughed, deep and empty. “Oh really? That’s news to me. All I am to them is a technopath. And guess what, Keefe. I’m not the only technopath. I’m expendable, all they want is a person to call on when they need help.”
“That’s not-“
“They wouldn’t care, Keefe”
“And what about your family? They need you!”
“What’s so special about me, huh? It’s not like I can give Rex an ability. And it’s already stressful enough with the triplets, at this point I'm an inconvenience just being alive. They’d miss me, but it’ll make their lives easier. They’ll get over it eventually.”
Keefe took a step towards the boy in front of them. “I wouldn’t! You’re not expendable, Dex, you’re not replaceable. I need you, I-I love you!”
“That’s not enough!” Dex growled, throwing his arms up. “I am so tired of being used! You need me? Well I needed things too. And who was there for me? When you and Fitz were infatuated with Sophie, when Biana had Sophie, and Tam and Linh had each other? Who was there for me?
“You know what, I’m glad I can’t feel anymore, because I never want to feel the way I felt when I had no one. When I needed you guys, and you weren’t there.”
Tears streamed down Keefe’s face, and they cooled against their skin. Keefe didn’t notice them. “Dex, I’m so-“
“Oh, you’re apologizing? Is that going to give me my life back, going to fix everything? It’s too late, Keefe. There’s nothing left of me for you to apologize to.”
Dex turned away and walked closer to the edge of the building. Keefe fell to their knees, their bottom lip trembling. “Dex, we can go back and talk to everyone. We’ll-I-I’ll fix this, I swear I’ll fix this, just please-“ Their voice broke. “I love you.” Keefe trembled, their shoulders shaking.
“And I needed to be loved. All I wanted was for someone to care about me, Keefe, was that too much to ask? Did I not even deserve that?” Dex dug his nails into his palm, a small excerpt of the pain that he was about to experience. It reminded Dex of his purpose. “But it’s too late now. It’s over.”
“Pl-please, I need-“
Dex glared down at Keefe, and it felt good to feel something. “I am done caring about what you need, about what everyone needs. I’m not just someone who you can call on to ask for things! Even with you I’m the second choice. I’m doing this for myself. Can’t I have one thing, Keefe? One thing?
“I’m done. It’d never be able to be like it used to be anyways.” He scoffed. “Not that it was any better back then. Thanks for caring enough to follow me, no matter how late you were.” Periwinkle eyes met melting ice blue ones.
“I didn’t deserve to be used, or to be second place. I hope you guys change, for everyone’s sake. Tell everyone I loved them.” He put his feet against the edge, still facing Keefe. Dex blinked. “I loved you, Keefe.”
He plummeted backwards and Keefe let out a guttural scream, Dex’s name echoing across the building tops. As Dex fell, he kept his eyes trained on the sky. He wondered if he would come back as a star. Dex thought that’d be pretty cool. The boy blinked his periwinkle eyes and opened them to the magnificent sunset. Dex smiled, dimples indenting his cheeks. A sea of colors filled the sky and they filled his sight and they rekindled the fire behind his eyes and Dex felt like he could see everything, and then Dex hit the floor and suddenly Dex could see nothing at all.
Suddenly, Dex Dizznee had a lifeless body to match a lifeless pair of eyes.