Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Welcome one and all!!!" says a blaring voice across the stadium to a crowd roaring with life. "To the 29th annual copy ability smackdown! I am your host, Walky, and the representative for the Mike ability!". The sound of the crowd gets more excited.

"I am joined with my co-hosts: Chef Kawasaki representing the Cook ability!"

"Greetings everyone." The chef says in response to his announcement.

The walking microphone continues. "Donpuffle, representative of the Festival ability!"

Hearing its name, the purple puff greets the crowd "Olá everyone!".

Walky continues, "Bomber, the representative of the Crash ability!"

Noises of objects knocking into each other are heard over the speakers. This is enough to be considered as a greeting.

"And finally, everyone's favorite representative of the Sleep ability, Noddy."

The snores of the mentioned person over the speakers cause the crowd to go wild in excitement.

"We are here today to test which copy abilities are the greatest, and which are the worst, by a battle between representatives picked by each union of copy abilities. And with the forgotten land now being rediscovered, this smackdown is surely to be different from previous smackdowns." Walky takes a breather before continuing. "For the uninformed, and for the informed who have forgotten, a recap of the rules will be given by the Cook representative. Take it away Chef!"

Chef Kawasaki grabs the microphone.

"Each representative of a copy ability has been randomly chosen to go up against another representative in a battle. Each winner will go up the double elimination bracket shown on the big screen above where us hosts sit. Your seats are protected by the magic from the union of the Mirror ability so don't worry if a blast is sent your way. Any copy ability-related powers are fair game to be used in the fight. What isn't fair game is attacking the opponent after they have already been declared down by one of our waddle dee referees. Now let's hear who will be competing from my co-host Donpuffle!"

Donpuffle reaches into their mic.

"Obrigada Kawasaki! Now of course as with every smackdown, a few abilities have chosen not to compete. These are Ball, Balloon, Copy, Ghost, Light, Mini and Smash bros. And for the uninformed, a few copy abilities have either united with or been chosen to be represented by other abilities. These abilities include Animal which is represented by Drill, Backdrop, and Throw, which have fused with Suplex which is also representing Wrestler, Burning which has fused with Fire, Freeze which has fused with Ice, Painter which has fused with Artist, Cupid which is represented by Archer, and Missile which is represented by Jet! Magnífico!"

"Well said Don!" Walky says as he takes over the role of active host. "We will now show on the board all representatives."

Ability Representatives Group Chat

Commissions Open!: Ok everyone, I heard from the hosts that they need to quadruple check all our positions so put in the group chat your name and what abilities you are representing. They want to make sure we are all here.

bombs away!!: whyd they put you in charge of all this >:(

Commissions Open!: Because I'm the most responsible of you all.

Commissions Open!: Name: Vividria. Main ability: Artist. Other abilities: Painter.

Commissions Open!: Format it like this.

Goppoko! At the disco: Name: Jammerjab. Main ability: Staff.

bombs away!!: Name: Poppy Bros. Jr. Main ability: Bomb.

Frozen 2: Name: Chilly. Main Ability: Ice. Other abilities: Freeze

Using up my vacation days for this: Name: Blade Knight. Main ability: Sword.

Neat freak: Name: Broom Hatter. Main ability: Cleaning.

Dimensional mirror simp: Name: Simirror. Main ability: Mirror.

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Name: Chemitory. Main ability: Doctor.

earthbound cosplayer: Name: NESP. Main ability: ESP.

we got love on our side apparently: Name: Spynum. Main ability: Archer. Other abilities: Cupid.

Fuck cows all my homies hate cows: Name: Leafan. Main ability: Leaf.

..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.-. .- .--. - -.-. .... .-: Name: Clown acrobot. Main ability: Circus.

Waddle doo not: Name: Waddle doo. Main ability: Beam.

Boomerang! You do always come back!: Name: Sir kibble. Main ability: Cutter.

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: Name: Bubble head. Main ability: Bubble.

I'm new here please don't hurt me: Name: Digguh. Main ability: Drill. Other abilities: Animal.

astrological arsonist: Name: Burning Leo. Main ability: Fire. Other abilities: Burning.

Trolls are homophobic: Name: Ringle. Main ability: Bell.

Fuck Plasma: Name: Sparky. Main ability: Spark.

Fuck Spark: Name: Plugg. Main ability: Plasma.

pierce is too lazy to be here: Name: Lanzer. Main ability: Spear.

♥️SNOM♥️: Name: Needlous. Main ability: Needle.

Waddle dee best: Name: Parasol waddle dee. Main ability: Parasol.

i thought plugg was mad at me :'(: Name: Bio spark. Main ability: Ninja.

the only one here who's been a host: Name: Boxy. Main ability: Magic.

got the whole squad with me: Name: Bugzzy. Main ability: Suplex. Other abilities: Throw, Backdrop, Wrestler.

you spin me right round baby righy round: Name: Wheelie. Main ability: Wheel.

stressed☕: Name: Fleurina. Main ability: Tornado.

Apparently there's only 3 years until it's too late to stop climate change: Name: Driblee. Main ability: Water.

like a record baby right round round round: Name: GIM. Main ability: Yo-yo.

yo i swear i saw driblees username in some graffiti: Name: Bernard. Main ability: Ranger.

Unidentified Fucking Object: Name: UFO. Main ability: UFO.

Y'all take me for granite: Name: Rocky. Main ability: Stone.

thats because driblee is an ancients weeb: Name: Como. Main ability: Spider.

You've yee'd your last haw: Name: Wester. Main ability: Whip.

Fuckle Joe: Name: Knuckle Joe. Main ability: Fighter.

tweedle msm: Name: Birdon. Main ability: Wing.

heracross is 💦💦💦: Name: Beetley. Main ability: Beetle.

I am not beam: Name: Laser ball. Main ability: Laser.

better than d3: Name: Bonkers. Main  ability: Hammer.

superman is a me ripoff: Name: Starman. Main ability: Hi-jump.

idk how i can type dont ask: Name: Metalun. Main ability: Metal.

britney spears: Name: Venog. Main ability: Poison.

speed demon: Name: Capsule J3. Main ability: Jet. Other abilities: Missile.

bombs away!!: j3 does drugs confirmed?!?!

speed demon: no tf?

bombs away!!: than why your username like that🤔

thats because driblee is an ancients weeb: j3 you know performance enhancing drugs aren't allowed in the smackdown

speed demon: alskodkwkdoeek

speed demon: 😂😂😂😂😂

yo i swear i saw driblees name username in some graffiti: y'all shut up the smackdown is about to start.

Chapter Text

"The first two representatives up are…" Walky's announcement is heard across the stadium. Each end of the oval-shaped arena can hear the suspense brewing. 'Which two representatives will be fighting?' is going through every person's mind.

As the silence becomes deafening, Walky opens the envelope and announces to two fated battlers. "Lanzer of the Spear ability and Jammerjab of the Staff ability!".

The crowd goes wild and erupts into excitement.

"Well would ya look at that! Two masters of long-reaching weapons pitted together right from the start!" Walky's voice rings out. "What do you say to that Bomber?"

The sound of something bumping into a microphone followed by the presumably falling sounds of said microphone are heard through the speakers.

"You truly do have a way with words Bomber. An inspiration to us all."

Jammerjab and Lanzer walk out onto the field in the middle of the arena. For their battle, it has been transformed into rocky terrain, dotted with canyons and buttes. Perfect for two masters of their weapons.

The smackdown begins, staff to spear. Lanzer thrusts at Jammerjab, hoping to skewer his opponent from the start. It misses, and the spear-wielder is quickly bonked in the head by Jammerjab's staff. Extending the staff forward, Jammerjab knocks Lanzer backwards. Lanzer quickly recovers and tosses his three-pronged spear towards Jammerjab. The toss is a near-miss and it lands on the rocky ground beneath the two. The spear disappears and a new one reappears in Lanzer's hand. Jammerjab thrusts his staff backward and it hits Lanzer's armor. The spear-wielder charges at Jammerjab who backflips over the threat, right before he sends a barrage of attacks from his spear while airborne. Lanzer summons multiple spears and tosses them at Jammerjab, a few hitting and making their mark known. Jammerjab performs a low sweep to knock Lanzer off his feet before slamming his staff down into his enemy, but Lanzer dodged his assailants sweep and has moved behind Jammerjab to stab him in the back. The hit lands and the martial artist is sent forward in pain. His staff extends to push Lanzer back but the knight dodges and rushes towards his opponent.

Right when he's about to attack, Jammerjab jabs his staff into the spear-wielder. Lanzer is knocked back and a furious Jammerjab charges straight to him. In a bout of quick thinking, Lanzer spins his spear around to deflect Jammerjab's staff. The jambeliever doesn't stop. Thrust after thrust, prod after prod, only a few hits make it in before Lanzer jumps in the air, flying using a spearcopter technique. Soaring High above the battlefield, Lanzer is out of reach of all of Jammerjab's moves. At least, that's what he thinks. Jammerjab thrusts his staff upward, knocking the wind out of Lanzer and knocking him down. Lanzer tries to regain his wind as Jammerjab starts swiping his staff towards the knight. Lanzer hops up and begins coptering away again, this time going higher than before. Out of Jammerjab's reach, his main focus now is to regain his stamina. While Lanzer is distracted, Jammerjab uses his staff as a makeshift pole vault. He vaults between the buttes dotting the terrain before landing on the one right above Lanzer. Leaping into the air, he sends a flurry of jabs onto the unsuspecting Lanzer. The knight falls and is unable to battle after he crashes into the ground. 

"The first smackdown has finished and the Staff ability has been declared the winner!" Walky announces to the crowd. Cheers echo across the stadium and Lanzer is carted off to the medical bay. Jammerjab exits the stadium and is greeted by a troop of Jambelievers who congratulate him on his victory.

Ability Representatives Group Chat

stressed☕: So that's what we'll be doing. I'm getting more unsure of myself each second.

'stressed☕' changed their name to 'super stressed☕'

yo i swear i saw driblees name in some graffiti: fleurina's right i am also getting more stressed each second

'yo i swear i saw driblees name in some graffiti' changed their name to 'im fuckin terrified besties'

'thats because driblee is an ancients weeb' changed their name to 'you threw off my grooooove'

you threw off my grooooove: bro, we had a thing going on. bro wtf

im fuckin terrified besties: bro im so sorry

Commissions Open!: Can you all be quiet for a bit. These notifications are making Lanzer's migraine a lot worse.

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Yeah it makes it harder to treat.

you threw off my grooooove: y'all can't ya just mute the server or something

Commissions Open!: Not unless Lanzee gets out of his migraine and mutes the server himself. We can't get his phone unlocked.

im fuckin terrified besties: lanzee

you threw off my grooooove: lanzee

bombs away!!: lanzee

you threw off my grooooove: poppy how long have you been lurking?

bombs away!!: literally just got on to see miss perfection make a mistake

Commissions Open!: Shut up you three or else I am dragging you all to the med bay.

bombs away!!: yo is that a motherfucking among us reference

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Vividria please don't. It would hinder his recovery.

bombs away!!: vivi why are you even in the med bay?

Commissions Open!: I am making sure he is ok and that the smackdown goes down smoothly.

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Vividria I think it would be better if you did leave.

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Lanzer just grabbed his phone and he looks so annoyed.

pierce is too lazy to be here: Why the fuck are y'all blowing up my notifs the sound is so annoying

bombs away!!: lanzer scroll up

bombs away!!: trust me

pierce is too lazy to be here: oh so that's why y'all blew this up

pierce is to lazy to be here: @viviart lanzee

you threw off my grooooove: lanzee

bombs away!!: lanzee

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Lanzee

you threw off my grooooove: the fucking doctor is getting in on this

Commissions Open!: Chemitory! How dare you!

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Vividria get out of the medical bay.

Commissions Open!: Fine.

im fuckin terrified besties: they are announcing the next fighters!

bombs away!!: oh fuck who is is?

im fuckin terrified besties: @tweedlebitch and @capsulej3

bombs away!!: birdon and j3?????

Chapter Text

Ability Representatives Group Chat

speed demon: why was i @

Tweedle MSM: huh whats going on

bombs away!!: y'all are up next

Tweedle MSM: j3 i am gonna kick your ass

im fuckin terrified besties: guys wait til the match starts fecto

bombs away!!: fecto?

Tweedle MSM: whats fecto mean

I'm new here please don't hurt me: He's basically the god of our tribe.

im fuckin terrified besties: hes god

Tweedle MSM: oh like how we use the novas when we get pissed

im fuckin terrified besties: oh hey digguh

Goppoko! At the disco: Bonjam everyone.

Tweedle MSM: yo its motherfuckin jammerjab

Goppoko! At the disco: Bonjam Birdon, I heard you and Capsule J3 were up next.

Tweedle MSM: yep proly gonna lose to j3 is a much better flyer than me

bombs away!!: didnt you just say you were gonna beat him up

Tweedle MSM: i like to talk shit so its funnier when i get hit

bombs away!!: mood

Goppoko! At the disco: Don't worry. If you get hit Chemitory will be sure to fix you up! He always does a great job.

pierce is too lazy to be here: says the one who didn't lose the first round

Tweedle MSM: ooooo lanzer salty

pierce is too lazy to be here: i wish pierce was here so i didnt have to stay here in med bay

Tweedle MSM: yo wait @jambastard aren't you an admin

Goppoko! At the disco: Yeah, why?

Tweedle MSM: i want you to change lanzers name

Goppoko! At the disco: Change it to what?

Tweedle MSM: bitch who lost first

pierce is too lazy to be here: hey!!!

'Goppoko! at the disco' changed the nickname of 'pierce is too lazy to be here' to 'Bitch who lost first'

Bitch who lost first: fuck you bird brain

Bitch who lost first: also the match is starting

"Are you all ready for the next match!?" Walky's voice blares through the speakers. The crowd goes wild at the announcement that the match is going to start. The area has been transformed to mimic the new terrain found within the forgotten land. The metal frame of a building towers above the ground. Ancient debris covers the ground and the frame. The rusted metal looks like it could collapse in on itself any second.

Walky's voice comes back on the speakers. "Noddy, do you have any words for the two representatives today?"

A few seconds of silence, followed by the sounds of snoring from Noddy's mic. The crowd loves it.

"Wonderful words from our resident celebrity. The match will begin now."

Birdon and Capsule J3 fly into the battlefield. Right away, Birdon is amazed by the sheer size of the structure in front of him. J3 is not captivated however, and immediately headbutts birdon. Back in the battle, Birdon remembers he is crucially outmatched. J3 can pull off speeds far higher than Birdon ever could. So, he resorts to dodging the plane. Every charge from the plane is dodged by the bird. While J3 may have more speed, Birdon is the agility demon. Spinning circles around the plane, Birdon releases feather after feather to snipe his opponent. The feathers do little damage, but they keep chipping away at J3. Seeing J3's inability to hit him, Birdon begins growing cocky.

"Hey J3, are the drugs not working?" he taunts. The jet begins to slow down. "Aww, getting tired already?" The jet descends in altitude. "You wanna take a breather? Sit down for a minute?" The jet is under the bird. "Guess I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna beat you up- AAACCCKK"

While Birdon was busy taunting him, J3 changed up a kick and delivered it right to his beak after blasting upward.

"YOU WHORE!!!" The haughty tone was kicked out of Birdon and was replaced by an accusatory one. "I AM FUCKING YOU UP YOU BITCH"

Birdon spin-dashes to the jet, but the thrusters on J3 are quick enough and push him out of the way. The rage-filled avian begins charging at J3 again and again. Each time the jet skillfully dodges with perfect precision.

"WHY DON'T YOU HIT ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER" Birdon screams. J3 turns to him causing his face to pale. J3's thrusters charge up and blast him towards Birdon, who narrowly dodges in time. The metal columns behind Birdon are hit with the full force of J3's thrusters. The metal beams shake. An idea blossoms in Birdon's head. "Bitch! You missed!" he taunts. J3 charges up and rushes at him again, but a quick spinning maneuver by Birdon carries the bird out of the way. While J3 is busy charging up again, the avian shoots some feathers out toward the screws of the metal beams. Too rusty to stay together they snap, leaving the beams precariously loose. Too busy aiming and shooting his feathers, Birdon fails to dodge in time and is hit by J3 full force. A pained squawk leaves the bird as he gets up and begins maneuvering himself in front of the metal column holding the beams up.

"That all ya got!" Birdon taunts. Seeing red, J3 charges full thrust at Birdon. Another skillful spin and Birdon is out of the way of J3's aim. Or so he thought, as the jet took into account the bird's spin attack and ended up hitting his wing, knocking him out of the sky. J3's inertia hasn't gone away though, and he ends up soaring into the column, causing metal and detritus to collapse on him and send him hurtling to the ground. Birdon looks up to see J3 and all the metal right above him and flaps his strained wing to get out of the way. The ground gets closer and closer. If Birdon is crushed by all that, he'll surely be in a worse state than J3 and will lose. He flaps as hard as he can just barely getting out of the way as both he, J3, and several tons of metal crash into the ground. Luckily for Birdon, he lands in a nice, soft pile of broken mattresses. A sharp spring ends up cutting him but other than that he's fine. J3 isn't, however. Crushed between several pieces of metal, Birdon is declared the winner.

Walky's voice echoes across the stadium "Well would ya look at that folks! Unbelievable! Who could've thought to use the environment like that! It looks like the Wing ability is the winner for this round!"

Birdon gets out of the mattresses, wing still sore and with a fresh cut, and goes straight to the debris. Using his claws, he begins digging out J3, who is beginning to pass out.

"Stay with me J3! We'll get you to the med bay." Birdon says as he uncovers the jet. "Birdon…. you look like…. you need…. to go to…. the med bay too…." Every few words spoken causes heavy breathing from the jet. From behind Birdon, Chemitory appears.

"Birdon." he says. "The rest of the med team will get him out. Stressing your muscles out like that is going to make them hurt more in the long run."

"But-" The word squeaks out of Birdon before he is quickly shushed by Chemitory. "No buts. Doctors orders."

Ability Representatives Group Chat

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: Holy fuck did y'all see that! J3 looks like he fucking died tf.

im fuckin terrified besties: my name keeps getting more correct every second

I'm new here please don't hurt me: Yo hold on

'I'm new here please don't hurt me' changed their name to 'Also terrified'

Also terrified: Same boat

im fuckin terrified besties: same boat😔

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: @drchemitory how's Birdon and J3?

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Birdon is doing alright. Nothing too bad. J3's gonna have to stay in bed for a few days.

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: :(

Also terrified: :(

im fuckin terrified besties: :(

Bitch who lost first: :(

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: :(

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: @tweedlebitch capsule j and j2 are gonna kill ya

Tweedle MSM: i already beat their brother i can beat them to

Tweedle MSM: just make sure its in the new land

Tweedle MSM: also j3 and i have no hard feelings after all this is a tournament we both wanted to join

speed demon: they are still gonna kill you 😂

Tweedle MSM: j3 my death isn't funny 🥺

speed demon: suck it

Chapter Text

"Everyone! Are you ready for the final smackdown of today!" The crowd roars to life after hearing Walky's voice. "As you all know, these smackdowns can be hard for our representatives, so only three smackdowns happen per day." Walky grabs the envelope on his desk and opens it. "This last smackdown is sure to be a wonder for all you technology fanatics out there. It's between UFO of the UFO ability and Laser ball of the Laser ability!" Laser ball does not take this kindly. The UFO ability is pretty similar to the Laser ability, and in most people's opinion it's better. They are not going down without a fight. The battlefield this time has become akin to a factory. Many machines lie around the building and everything inside is projected by a magic-repelling camera of sorts. The crowd will be able to see the inside just as well as the outside.

Both representatives float into the building. The doors close, and Laser ball notices the shiny metallic walls, loosely aimed canons, and a foggy mist filling up the place. The only light comes from a few artificial fluorescent lights and Laser ball themselves. UFO must be somewhere else in the building. They float around, eyeing the machinery. Canons, as previously stated, lie around alongside trash. Lots of trash. Laser ball hopes whatever factory this was modeled after was more sanitary than the arena. While eyeing the bolting on the walls, a laser comes out of nowhere and hits the wall right next to them. It bounces off and goes deeper into the factory and Laser ball begins freaking out. They look around for UFO in a panic, wondering where he could be. As they wait patiently for their demise to appear, they realize UFO isn't near them. The laser must've been a stray shot that bounced off all the walls. Laser ball decides they should send a shot back and shoots a laser in the direction of the shot. They notice how the fog in the factory dissipates as the laser passes through. A few moments later, and the smell of smoke drifts through the mist. They float towards the direction they shot the laser and see an inferno ablaze and angry. They also see UFO, and UFO sees them.

A charged beam is blasted towards Laser ball which they barely dodge. UFO is racing towards them with a small ball of electricity orbiting around them. Laser dodges out of the way of several more beams, trying to take cover. A few more of UFO's beams bounce off the wall and hit him instead. Taking time to charge up a powerful blast, UFO is preoccupied, which Laser uses to escape. They hide behind a canon as the beam blasts past them. Handless, Laser aims the cannon by pushing it around. Lighting the fuse with a laser, the cannonball soars through the air and directly into UFO who gains a great big dent. Laser tries reloading a cannonball but cannot pick up the iron orb. UFO can, however. Using his tractor beam, UFO loads up another cannon and shoots it at Laser ball, who barely escapes out unscathed.

UFO continuously shoots and reloads the cannon, making Laser ball scurry for cover behind a wall. The wall won't hold forever under the constant bombardment of cannonballs. Laser ball needs to think of a plan. They're unsure of themself, and they have been since this entire event. Laser hasn't been the most utilized copy ability and is often ignored for other abilities that are stronger or do more, like UFO. The clanging of the wall is loud and it's horrible. Out of pure panic, Laser ball shoots out a laser that ricochets off the wall and ignites another pile of trash. In the heat of the moment, Laser ball knows exactly what they need to do. They aim their laser so once shot, it hits UFO. A quick release and it lands! While UFO is distracted, Laser ball gets into a cannon. UFO continues shooting the wall he thinks Laser ball is behind, unaware that Laser ball is charging up in the cannon. They release the laser and are shot out, hitting UFO. Before he can get up, Laser ball radiates a storm of lasers from all sides. They bounce off the wall in a way that gets every laser to hit UFO, toasting him in the process.

"And to everyone's shock, the Laser ability triumphs over the UFO ability! Laser ball advances to the next round!" The factory doors open and UFO is carted out by the med team. Laser ball floats out, face filled with joy. They finally proved their ability is powerful, and they will prove it again! They open the group chat excited to celebrate.

Ability Representatives Group Chat

I am not beam: BOOM!! I HAVE WON!!

I am not beam: you know how annoying it is to be constantly told that your ability isn't powerful enough and that you should just fuse with the beam ability

I am not beam: i bet yall dont

Fuck Spark: Why do you think my nickname is like this? Everyone told Plasma we should just be part of Spark. And we did fuse for a while but it was not worth it.

Fuck Plasma: It would have worked out if y'all weren't such whiny bitches.

Fuck Plasma: Just admit Spark was a more accurate name.

Fuck Spark: Fuck no. If anything was accurate for both of us, it would have been "electricity". Our plasma orb is not a spark of electricity. It is an ORB of PLASMA .

Fuck Plasma: Bitch

I am not beam: can we all just stop arguing for a bit

I am not beam: i would like to celebrate my victory

Fuck Spark: Fine.

I am not beam: i think this victory means a name change

I am not beam: i have ready proven to you all that laser is an individual copy ability

'I am not beam' changed their name to 'living disco ball'

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: youre not wrong with that name

Tweedle MSM: akddiowjfkksjfkskd

Tweedle MSM: anyway hows @UFO doing?

Unidentified Fucking Object: I am doing alright. Thanks for asking.

Unidentified Fucking Object: @havingaball that was quick thinking right there. Using yourself as ammo was genius.

living disco ball: thank you

Unidentified Fucking Object: I didn't even know you could radiate lasers out from all over your body like that.

living disco ball: i dont even know if kirby can do that

Tweedle MSM: using the walls to bounce your lasers off of was also smart

living disco ball: i think the smackdown runners wanted that since it adds more pizazz

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: yeah they tend to do that a lot

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: like how the super tall frame in @tweedlemsm and @speeddemon battle was high up in the sky where they could both fly

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: hey wait a minute

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: do you think these matchups aren't exactly random

Scrub a dub dub in da tub: each matchup had something in common

Fuck Spark: Who knows.

Fuck Spark: I hope not tho. Then that means I might be paired with sp*rk bitch.

Fuck Plasma: Fuck off.

Chapter Text

Ability Representatives Group Chat

You've yee'd your last haw: anyone online

Waddle doo not: Me

Frozen 2: Me

Dimensional mirror simp: Me

got the whole squad with me: me

You've yee'd your last haw: fantastic i wanna talk before the match starts

You've yee'd your last haw: wait none of us have gone

You've yee'd your last haw: who do yall not wanna be paired up wit

Waddle doo not: Parasol dee. I've led many waddle dees and she is one of the strongest out there.

got the whole squad with me: nesp is really strong and smart i think hed beat me easily

Frozen 2: I don't want to fight Leo fire and ice don't mix well

Dimensional mirror simp: Anyone physical would be harder to deflect with mirror magic. So Joe, Bugzzy, and Beetley.

got the whole squad with me: anyone who can fly is out of my reach

got the whole squad with me: simirror im not going easy on you

Dimensional mirror simp: :'(

You've yee'd your last haw: Hey Chilly, I've got some bad news. You're up next with Leo.

Frozen 2: fuck

Walky has just finished announcing the next contestants as the battlefield changes. Mountain hot springs, the balance between fire and ice, stand before Leo and Chilly. Heat from the pools and chill from the snow can both be felt in the air. Chilly shivers, not due to the cold, but due to his anxiety.

"The smackdown begins in 3. 2. 1!!"

As Walky's voice echoes across the stadium, Leo and Chilly rush into the battlefield. The terrain would normally be inconsequential for most pairings, but the hot springs could easily melt Chilly and snuff out Leo. A lovely mountain retreat has become pools of death for the two. Chilly uses the snowy surroundings to his advantage, blending into the white expanse. Every step Leo takes clears out more and more of the snow. They inch closer and closer, the sounds of their footsteps becoming gradually louder and louder. Chilly goes for a surprise attack, creeping up behind Leo. But before he can get a hit in, Leo erupts into a ball of living flames.

The immense amount of heat scares Chilly as he scrambles back. Leo turns around and blows out a blast of fire. Chilly freezes his body to resist the flames. It may have worked, but the heat was still very visible to the snowman. Chilly rushes off with Leo giving chase hot on his tail. Blasts of cold, chilly air are sent towards Leo but they do little to stop Leo's searing hot flames. Chilly thinks about the previous battles. About how the winners used their environment to their advantage. Of course, the hot springs! All he needs to do is get Leo into the water and then freeze him. He rushes toward the springs as he tries to lure Leo into the perfect spot.

Leo can sense something is up. He doesn't know what's going to happen, but with Chilly it can't be good. He rushes towards the snowman, bathing himself in flames. Chilly stops moving in front of the water, quickly dodging out of the way as Leo lands face first into the pool. The fire surrounding Leo begins to go out as he tries to get up. Chilly tosses some cryokinetic magic at his opponent, hoping to freeze him. The blast of snow and steam obscures Leo's escape to Chilly.

"Ahh. Too easy." The snowman says observing the chunk of ice in the pool.

"And I thought this would've been harder. But now here you are, frozen solid in front of me." Chilly gets cocky as he checks the ice out. His demeanor changes as he realizes Leo is not inside at all.

"Wait where did he go-" Chilly is cut short by a ball of fire barreling into his back. Leo had enough time to heat back up, allowing him to knock Chilly into the water with a flaming charge. The snowman falls in and quickly begins to melt. The match is immediately called as Leo begins helping the scrambling snowman out of the water.

"And would you look at that! Chilly has been melted into a puddle! Not exactly unexpected but still pretty damning for the Ice ability. Fire makes it to the next round." Walky's voice reaches across the stadium. It is unknown whether he feels bad for Chilly.

"I'd say. It's not easy to recover from your entire body melting." Kawasaki weighs in. "I doubt the medical staff are happy." Chemitory rushes onto the field.

"Novadamnit this is the worst battlefield to have him fight!" He grunts in agitation.

"Is he gonna be ok?" Leo asks with concern.

"He better be. I don't have time for this shit." Chemitory says as he storms off with half of Chilly and a jar of pool water.

"I hope he can sue." Leo mutters to himself.

Ability Representatives Group Chat

Waddle doo not: My nova did all of you just see that? Chilly is fucking dead!

super stressed☕: hes WHAT?

super stressed☕: i dont feel safe anymore can i like forfeit

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Don't worry. He'll be okay. For now. He's going to be in the med bay for quite a while. I don't know why they thought hot springs were a good idea. The only thing worse would be a volcano.

..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.-. .- .--. - -.-. .... .-: Do you think this will be a regular occurance?

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: Do I think what will be a regular occurance? People almost dying? I hope not.

..-. ..- -.-. -.- / -.-. .- .--. - -.-. .... .-: No. Unsafe battlefields. We have had cannons and construction that was not up to code. And now this. Why is that? Do they want us to get hurt?

Stop asking me to prescribe you meth: If they want me to stay sane than they better make safer battlefields.