Work Text:
You’re skating at Faber
There’s no one around and your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him:
Kent V. Parson.
He’s following you, about 30 feet back
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He’s gaining on you
Kent V. Parson
You’re looking for your shoes but you’re all turned around
He’s almost upon you now
And you can see there’s bling on his face
My God, there’s bling everywhere!
Running for your home (from Kent V. Parson)
He’s texting on his phone (it’s Kent V. Parson)
Lurking in the shadows
NHL superstar Kent V. Parson
Literally trash (Kent V. Parson)
Playing his sport (Kent V. Parson)
Got a nice fit body
Actual human garbage Kent V. Parson
Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him
But you’re hopelessly lost yourself
Stranded with a hockey player
You creep silently past frat houses
Aha! In the distance
A small cottage with a light on
The Haus! You move stealthily toward it
But your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a beer keg!
Pulling out your leg (Quiet, quiet)
Limping to the cottage (Quiet, quiet)
Now you’re on the doorstep
Sitting inside: Kent V. Parson
Checking the playlist (Kent V. Parson)
But he doesn’t hear you enter (Kent V. Parson)
You’re sneaking up behind him
Dancing with superstar Kent V. Parson
Twerking in your home with Kent V. Parson
Wrestling a phone from Kent V. Parson
Gotta get a selfie
Selfies for all with Kent V. Parson
You limp onto the porch
Bruise forming on your hurt leg
But you have won; you have beaten
Kent V. Parson
Wait! He isn’t done! (Kenny surprise)
There’s a hat on his head and a smirk in his eyes
So you challenge him to beer pong!
Body shots with superstar Kent V. Parson
#Epikegster with Kent V. Parson
Normal Friday night for Kent V. Parson
You try to outdrink Kent V. Parson
But a bruise is forming fast on your hurt leg
He’s draining every cup, he smiles for a camera
You finish off your drink, aim for the next
You’re throwing the ball now
You have just defeated Kent V. Parson
He drunkenly topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You’re finally safe from Kent V. Parson…