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“Okay, okay, shut the fuck up and all hands on the planchette, please,” Bob said hurriedly, as he was the only one with his hands on the planchette, taking this actually seriously while everyone else was fucking around.
Namely Frank.
Bob was the only one taking this seriously even though it was Gerard’s dumb fucking idea to record an album in a fucking haunted mansion and it was Ray’s bright idea to break out a Ouija board.
Frank just—really thought it was a bunch of bullshit.
So of course, it’s natural for the prankster of the group to think of this as one, big joke and have a ball with it. But Bob wasn’t having any of that, he just wanted to get on with this fucking thing, and maybe it was partially because he did believe in this stuff. The paranormal.
All four of the other guys placed their hands gently onto the planchette as Bob began to move it around the board, beginning the process. Frank hesitantly watched Bob, seeing how into it he was, as he fought back a laugh.
Bob didn’t seem to notice, though, as he took a deep breath. He had never done this before and maybe he had looked up YouTube videos on how to use one of these things properly, but even that didn’t prepare him for how fucking real this felt.
“So… do we just starting asking it questions?” Gerard asked in a soft tone.
“Gerard, that’s not very nice, it’s not an ‘it,’” Ray chimed in, causing Frank to finally let out his laugh.
“So is the first question to ask its pronouns before we even officially start?” Frank asked jokingly, causing an eruption of laughter from Gerard, Ray, and Mikey, but a hard eye-roll from Bob.
“Shut the fuck up, guys, we need to take this seriously or bad shit can happen, for real,” he said, pausing the planchette in the middle of the board. The guys went quiet as they all thought of an actual question.
Man, thinking of a real question to ask some entity on the spot was more difficult than anticipated.
“Wait, I got one,” Frank chimed in, and Bob quirked an eyebrow because was Frank actually serious, or was he gonna pull one of his dumb jokes in a fairly serious situation?
Frank cleared his throat before announcing his question.
“Hey, demons, it’s me, ya boy,” Frank said through fits of giggles, and Gerard, Mikey, and Ray followed up with laughs of their own, but Frank looked at Bob reassuringly that he actually had something legit to contribute.
“Um, yeah. So, demons, or whatever. If you’re in here with us, can you prove that you’re here? Can you maybe tell all of us our names back to us if you’re actually real?” Frank asked, and Bob shrugged with a nod, kind of happy that Frank was actually putting some effort in, even if it wasn’t totally… well, polite.
And it was important to have manners when speaking with the undead.
Frank waited for the planchette to move, as did the other guys, and it took a few quiet moments before the small piece of wood began to slowly move across the board, painfully slow.
Frank’s eyes went wide. “Uh, Bob, are you doing that?”
“What? No, I thought that was fucking you, dude,” Bob responded in a tone that absolutely said he was scared shitless.
“Not me,” Gerard said, shaking his head.
“Me either,” Mikey shrugged, and Ray shrugged along with him, signaling that he, too, had nothing to do with it.
The planchette was actually moving on its own.
“There’s no fucking way, one of you has to be moving this,” Frank shook his head with a dumb grin that was in disbelief. He didn’t believe in ghosts or entities or demons or whatever the fuck. And he wasn’t going to believe in them, not now.
The planchette finally reached its destination. Simply, “no.”
“No?” Frank asked out loud. He wasn’t about to take that for an answer. “How about fuck you and answer the damn question?”
“Frank!” Ray exclaimed, but Frank could tell he wasn’t serious by the laugh that followed.
“Frank, you really shouldn’t, like, taunt the spirits. It can have a really bad effect on you,” Bob explained, remembering the things he had learned from all those YouTube videos he’d watched on how to properly use a Ouija board.
“A bad effect? Like what?”
“Well, the spirits can influence you. You can start feeling really sick, or really sad, even depressed or suicidal. Or you can feel like your throat is closing up in more serious cases. Some people have even left with scratches on their backs and stomachs and stuff because they fucked with the spirits too much,” Bob explained, and Frank bit his lip in thought, almost like he almost believed Bob.
“Metal as fuck,” Frank said after a few moments with another laugh, sitting back on his knees as he kept his hands on the planchette. Bob just shook his head. It was hopeless to try and get Frank to take this seriously.
“Okay, uh, demon thing—if you’re here, could you please blow out one of the candles that are circling us?” Frank asked as the rest of the guys’ gaze turned to the array of lit candles that surrounded them in a circle.
After a few moments, one of the candles blew out, causing an “oh my fucking God” from Bob and Ray, and a massive laugh from Frank. “No fucking way, that’s insane,” Frank laughed, shaking his head. “I do not believe this.”
Mikey took the opportunity to ask a question of his own. “Hey, spirit,” he began, much more polite than Frank’s greeting, “do you like that we’re here in your space with you?”
That’s when the planchette began moving around the board in circles before harshly landing on “no.”
“Well, then,” Frank huffed, still smiling though. He really didn’t believe this. “Fuckin’ rude.”
Bob nudged Frank’s shoulder with his own since they couldn’t take their hands off the planchette, his way of telling the younger man to shut up, for like, the millionth time that night.
“What do you want to do to us?” Mikey asked again, watching the planchette begin to move around the board again, this time over the letters.
“K…. I….. L…..L—oh, fuck no, I’m fucking out,” Gerard said, his hands flying off the planchette as he stood up to walk away.
“Gerard, you need to stay in the circle and keep your hands on the planchette through the whole session!” Bob called out, looking over at Gerard who was now pacing back and forth. It had become too real for him, but Frank, still in his own world, didn’t believe it for a second.
“Oh, so you wanna kill us, huh?” Frank taunted, his hands still on the planchette, and for some reason, Bob just kept to himself, like he didn’t want to be involved.
“Why’s that? Because you can’t handle a bunch of pansy guys in your presence? Hm? You homophobic or something? That sounds homophobic, and ya know what we think about assholes like you? We think….” Frank trailed off, thinking to himself for the next part of the taunt as the guys looked at him.
“I think I’m gonna suck your fat demon dick if you think you’re so high and mighty with your anti-gayness,” Frank laughed out loud, and Ray chimed in, “He really will!”
Bob just groaned out loud, knowing that this was probably the worst fucking idea ever, but they were all in way too deep now.
“Hey, demon dick, do you listen to our music? Do you think we’re any good?” Frank asked out loud, watching the planchette move again to “yes.”
“What the fuck, bro, so you hate that we’re here, but you like our music? That’s a bit ass-backwards,” Frank laughed again and Gerard settled back again, seemingly feeling a bit more at ease.
“Frank, please think about the fact that we have another week and a half in this place, we have to live here,” Bob murmured under his breath, but Frank just shrugged it off. “Shit’s not real.”
But that’s what kind of set Bob off.
“Shit’s not real? What the fuck, Frank? What do you call all of this then? Everything that’s been happening in the past 15 minutes?”
Frank shrugged again. “There’s always a logical explanation for shit like this, and I’m fairly certain out of the five of us, someone has got to be moving the wood on its own. That shit isn’t real, it’s just not,” Frank deflected, almost as if he was trying to convince himself it wasn’t real.
“Alright, let’s just continue,” Bob mumbled, almost to himself, getting the attention of all the guys as all their hands were placed onto the planchette gently.
“Okay. Spirit, what is your name?” Bob took the lead, and what happened next was enough to get under everyone’s skin—including Frank’s.
The planchette began moving erratically, all over the board, before moving over the letters ‘Z’ and ‘O’ over and over again.
“Zozo?” Gerard asked.
“Who the fuck is Zozo?” Mikey asked.
“Oh, God, this isn’t fucking good,” Bob said in a rushed tone, and he was so terrified that he really didn’t think about doing things properly anymore. He just wanted to end the session.
“Okay, spirit, you’re no longer welcome here and we don’t wish to communicate with you anymore. Goodbye,” Bob said quickly, moving the planchette around the board in a circle again, just like in the beginning, before moving it over “Goodbye” on the board and ending the session. “We need to burn this fucking thing, like, right now,” Bob said, grabbing the board under his arm as he looked around for the nearest fireplace.
“Wait, Bob, who’s Zozo and why are you so freaked out?” Frank asked, grabbing Bob’s arm. They all decided to walk together to the fireplace, grabbing their lighters out of their pockets to burn all sides of the board.
Bob sighed before explaining, his hands were shaking as he took the lighter from Ray and lit one of the corners of the board. “Zozo is a demon,” Bob explained, “and it’s actually kind of common for him to pop up during Ouija board sessions. Demons will apparently disguise themselves as non-demonic spirits for a while to communicate with us before making themselves known and opening a portal to our side, which is why I needed to end that session and why we need to burn this board immediately,” Bob said, finally getting all four corners lit before throwing it into the fireplace, watching it burn to pieces.
“Damn,” Frank murmured, his eyes glued to the board. “I’m sorry for, like, taunting it then. I suppose that didn’t help.”
Bob kind of laughed to himself before turning to Frank. “Frank Iero, does that mean you actually believe what just happened? It’s not just a big old joke to you anymore?”
Frank just scoffed at that, crossing his arms over his chest. “Pfft, not at all,” he laughed, but there was evidently a touch of truth behind his scoffing and disbelieving manner.
He’d regret that over the next week and a half that they all had to live in that mansion.