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English
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Published:
2022-04-20
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731
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1/1
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18
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Breaking Bubs

Summary:

i love lean

(rated T for mild drug references and general immaturity.)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a teriffic athlete. But today, he has no time for teriffic athleticery, as he is very thirsty. So he takes his two-legged self and walks on over to the one real store in the entire town- Bubs' Concession Stand.
"...and can ya put some Listerine(tm) in that instead of melonade? It'll enhance the flava!" Coach Z was also very thirsty today, and especially for whatever new drink it was that Bubs was making and selling. Homestar saw him walk off with some vaguely purple liquid in a cup. Eager to try it, he did what he did best and strided over at a heightened pace.
"Hey, Bubs! What's that you're making? Looks pwetty intewesting," he asked, hoping to get an explanation.
And an explanation he got. "Good question! Well, like everyone else is, I was feeling very thirsty, so I dug around for any spare liquids I had to mix. Since, you know, double the drinks quenches double the thirst! All I was able to find was 23 spare cans of melonade and 1 and a half bottles of cough syrup. But I mixed 'em together to make what I call syrupade! Completely safe to ingest, I assure you. Only 5 dollars a cup!"
Suddenly, coming out of nowhere, was Strong Sad, no doubt about to spill some of his intellect like the nerd he was. "Um, Bubs, that's not how you make 'syrupade', or whatever you called it... that's how you make lean. You're making and selling lean, Bubs. You're promoting the digestion of lethal amounts of cough syrup-"
"Oh, shut up, kid!" Bubs flared out. "Everyone knows if you replace the usual vaguely-lemon-vaguely-lime soda with any drink of your choice, the chemical reaction won't occur, and it'll be completely safe to drink! AND if you say that too loud, you'll make me lose business."
Strong Bad jumpscared himself into line as Homestar walked away with his cup of 'syrupade', seemingly enjoying it. "Even if it was lethal, we're here for a good time, not a long time. At least if this kills me I won't have to put up with your whinery any more." He paid for his cup and left.
Strong Sad sighed. "I'm telling you, Bubs, if everyone ends up dead because of your little business venture, you won't have anybody to blame but yourself for this town-wide destruction you've caused. Are you happy knowing this?"
After being met with a "I'd BE happy if you left and let me sell the rest of my syrupade!", he slumped away from the stand.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One week later, Strong Sad returned to Bubs' in an uncharacteristically hurried manner. "Bubs, I told you to stop, and now look what you've done! You've got to do something!"
"What is it this time?" Bubs responded. He didn't look well.
"You've got the entire town hooked on lean! I can't take it anymore!" Strong Sad yelled, slamming his hands onto the stand's sill. "Every day, I have to hear my brother go 'da-lean-ted' at his e-mails, Homestar's always telling me how much he loves the stuff, The Cheat hasn't moved for days... oh, what else... the King of Town's been drinking whole swimming pools of it every day, and there's no hospitals anywhere nearby, so he's definitely a goner..."
Bubs rolled his eyes. "You're seriously using that last point as a negative? But go on, kid. I don't think I can sell any more of it, anyway, seeing as I'm fresh outta cough syrup."
"The damage has already been done, Bubs," Strong Sad said strangely characteristically ominously. "You chose to do it, now pay the price for your actions." In that moment, Bubs conveniently collapsed on the counter, leaving him in a lean-induced coma for who knows how long. "Oh, um, that's... I look really suspicious, don't I, right now? Well, I better get going...!" Strong Sad ran away as fast as he could, and in his escape, realized everyone else in town was in as much of a lean-induced coma as Bubs was. Except for Marzipan, since she was the only other person that refused to have a sip of any, but she'd probably ditched the place altogether by this point. So for weeks after Strong Sad waited in his lonesome, not doing much of anything while waiting for everyone's comas to be over.

Notes:

the ending is very abrupt because I really didn't know how to end this really