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You gazed at him down the aisle and couldn’t help your smile. Arthur Morgan always looked handsome and today was no exception. While he wasn’t wearing the overly formal and scratchy black tie and too tight jacket that he had worn at the mayor’s party in Saint Denis, the blue waistcoat trimmed with silver and navy jacket brought out the intense blue-green of his eyes.
Your heart fluttered as he caught your gaze and smiled at you. Abigail had persuaded him to not wear his hat and he couldn’t hide his excited, nervous grin behind the brim. The usually soft gold of his hair was visible and you wished you could run your fingers through the strands.
You fiddled with your long sleeve, feeling self-conscious and sick with nerves. You tried to focus on anything else, the pretty flowers and ribbons decorating the hall, the sunlight streaming through the window and dancing along the grey stone under foot. The small ceremony was only being attended by a few close friends and family, you could see Hosea’s head of grey hair towards the front of the hall, Tilly’s beautiful curly black hair caught in its tight braid, even John, who was standing by Arthur, had scrubbed up for the event. You smirked at that, wondering if that had more to do with Abigail’s say-so than John.
‘Please rise for the bride,’ the officiator’s voice called from the end of the hall.
‘This was it,’ you thought, ‘Your big moment, the happiest day of your life,’ as you stood up along with everyone else.
It had always hurt, but seeing Arthur’s bride make her way down the aisle sent another sharp, dizzying pain rush through you. She looked beautiful, eyes fixed on Arthur, her lips slightly parted, a lace veil hanging down her back briefly lifted up in the breeze that rushed through the hall. She held a bouquet of pretty wildflowers, the pinks, blues and yellows looked wonderful against the pale blue dress she wore.
You couldn’t even comfort yourself with thinking, ‘That could’ve been me,’ because the truth was, no matter how much you had tried to win Arthur over or reveal your feelings for him, it hadn’t been enough. You had spent too long waiting, overthinking, second-guessing yourself, constantly dancing around the edge of revealing how you really felt. And someone else who was braver and more honest than you had spoken truthfully to Arthur, and now they had all of this.
It hadn’t felt quite real until she joined Arthur’s side and he had reached a hand out for her. She was still clutching her bouquet in one hand, but took the open palm and you saw him gently squeeze her fingers. His eyes were bright with love for her, and you clenched your hand tightly till your nails left little half moons in your skin. That’s all you had, a sick feeling in your stomach, your heart clenched tightly under your ribs and hot, burning tears that you could not shed.
You dully sat back down in your seat and stared down at your plain black boots, as the officiator began to speak but you couldn’t hear anything they were saying. You knew if you looked up you wouldn’t be able to keep that well practiced smile on your face or hide what you really felt anymore.