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They say hard calls stick with you forever, but it is how you handle them to become better in order to help the next person that needs your help is the key.
It was one day that the 118 were called to an apartment building where a woman had fallen over the penthouse balcony and was struggling to hang on to a sign that was hanging up on the side of the building. They all knew that time was of the essence and where the woman was hanging, it was too high for either the ladder to go up or putting down the airbag. Bobby had ordered Buck to harness up and descend from the roof in order to reach her and bring her in through the window on the floor below, where Lucy and Chim were. As Buck was descending down and reached the sign, the rope holding up the sign broke and everyone heard that horrifying and sickening thud of her body hitting the ground.
In that moment, Buck looked down at her with wide eyes as his mind brought him back to one of his hardest calls, at an upside down roller coaster, where he first lost someone when he first started working at the 118.
“Devon, I need you to trust me.” he says, “Give me your hand, I will not let you go.”
“I can’t.” Devon says, and he falls to his death on the ground.
~*~
Buck was quiet the whole way back to the station lost in his thoughts about both of those calls, and thinking about if there was anything he could have done differently to save the woman from the call today. Once they got back to the station, Buck made a beeline for the bunk room to get away from everything.
For the rest of the shift, he wouldn’t come out unless it was for a call. Bobby, Hen, and Chim all tried talking to him about what happened, but he would just brush them off and say he was fine.
By the end of shift, Bobby was finishing up paperwork in his office when Hen came knocking at his door.
“I’m assuming you came to talk about Buck?” Bobby says, “I’m concerned about him as well, but he won’t talk to me.”
“ He won’t talk to me or Chimney either, we both have tried and he keeps shutting us down.” Hen replies , “I know he took that call with Devon hard when he first started working here and today’s call was somewhat similar to that, but I just wish he would talk to us.”
Bobby sighs, “He mentioned earlier about going over to Eddie’s after shift to hangout with Eddie and Christopher, maybe Eddie can get him to talk to him.” he says, “I know Eddie has been dealing with his own trauma, but maybe Buck talking to him might help since they’re close.”
“I agree!” Hen replies, “I’ll call Eddie and let him know what happened today and see if he can get Buck to talk to him. Have a good night, Cap!”
~*~
Buck doesn’t know how he ended up here. He had told Eddie that he was planning on coming over after shift to hang out with him and Christopher, but with everything that happened today he didn’t want to burden Eddie with his problems while he is helping Eddie work through his own. With Taylor working on a news story, that’s how he ended up drinking away his problems at a bar late Saturday night by himself. By 3am, both him and the bartender, whose name is Joey he thinks, knows that he is too drunk to even attempt to drive home.
~*~
Getting a phone call at 3am is enough to send your blood pressure through the roof thinking about the worst case scenario that one of your loved ones is in trouble, at least that’s what Bobby thinks when his phone wakes him up ringing for him to see it’s Buck calling him.
His voice is a little scratchy when he finally says with concern, “Buck, what’s wrong?!” What he was not expecting was someone other than Buck responding back to him.
“Uh, yes, this is Joey at Benny’s Bar Downtown,” he says , “We have a Buck here who needs to be picked up.He kept asking about his dad, Bobby, so I looked at his phone contacts and found your name and called you to come get him because he is super drunk.”
Bobby sighs and says, “ Okay, thanks…I’ll be there soon.” Then he hangs up.
~*~
About half an hour later, Bobby is pulling back into the driveway of the Grant-Nash household with a passed out, drooling Buck in the passenger seat.
Bobby gets out and goes over to the passenger side door and opens it while carefully not letting Buck fall right out on his face. “Alright Buck, let’s get you inside so you can sleep this off.” Bobby says, as he’s starting to get Buck out of the car.
Buck finally starts to register where he is at, and that Bobby is getting him out of the car. He says with a grin, “Boy you’re strong, I got it… I got it.” attempting to walk on his own until he falls right on his face.
Finally, Bobby manages to get him off of the ground and into the house to settle him on the couch for the rest of the night. Buck falls right back to sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Once Buck is settled, Bobby goes to the kitchen to find the Tylenol that he is 100% sure Buck will need in the morning, and there is a concerned Athena waiting for him when he comes.
“How’s our Buckaroo doing?” she says in a concerned tone. While looking at Buck’s sleeping form on the couch.
“Honestly, he was a mess when I got to the bar to pick him up.” Bobby replies. “He’s taking the call at the penthouse balcony hard, and I know it must have brought up some memories from when he lost Devon at the roller coaster a few years back.”
“Yeah, I remember when you said he took that call hard,” Athena replies, “maybe once he sleeps this off he might be open to talk to us about it in the morning.”
With a sad smile Bobby says, “I sure hope so.”
~*~
Buck wakes up to his head killing him and the smell of eggs and bacon. He instantly knows he’s most likely in Bobby’s house and hopes that Bobby is not mad at him for last night. He slowly gets up from the couch and trudges into the kitchen where Bobby is cutting up some fruit and Athena is drinking coffee at the table.
“Well rise and shine, sleepyhead.” Athena says while handing him some water and Tylenol. “How are you doing Buckaroo? And be honest with us.”
Buck is quiet at first, but after taking the water and Tylenol and eating some fruit, he is starting to feel a little better. He thinks it’s time to be honest with Bobby and Athena then to whole it up inside of him and do what he did last night again.
Buck sighs and puts his head in his hands. “After the call at the penthouse yesterday when the woman fell, it brought back all those memories of losing Devon at the roller coaster.” he continues, “When we were riding back to the station, my mind just went into a tailspin thinking about the ‘what if’s’. You know? What if I had done this differently, what if this could have changed, and it all just became too much until I found myself at that bar drinking away at the world.” He’s crying at this point. “I didn’t want to bother Eddie since I am helping him work through his own trauma, he doesn’t need that extra weight on his shoulders. I just thought I could work through it myself.”
“Oh, Buckaroo!” Athena says, “ You know me, Bobby, Maddie, and anyone else at the 118 will be there for you in a heartbeat.”
“I know, “ Buck says with a sheepish smile , “and thanks Bobby for coming and getting me home last night.”
“Anytime, Buck!” Bobby says sitting down, “Let me tell you what somebody told me. Sometimes we don’t understand why things happen the way they do, but that we shouldn't focus on the what ifs, but rather the what is. Losing someone close to you or on a call will probably always stay with you, but over time you become better at dealing with the grief of what happened.”
Buck goes over and gives Bobby a tight hug. “Thanks Bobby, I really needed that.” he says, “By the way, is my jeep still at the bar?”
Bobby laughs, “It is, but i think Eddie is going to come pick you up from here.” he says, “Hen had called him after shift yesterday and told him what happened. He has been worried about you and thought it would be good for you to spend time with him and Christopher today. “
Buck smiles and says, “Yeah, I would love that!”
~*~
A little while later Eddie gets out of his car all ready to beat down the door to get to Buck. He had been worried about him ever since Hen had called him and told him about what happened at the call they had yesterday, and he got even more worried when Buck didn’t come to his house after shift. It’s not like he could run all over town like a mad man looking for him because he had Christopher with him.
When Athena answered the door, he basically ran inside to hug him so hard he would be squeezing the life out of him. “I was so worried about you!” he says, “Hen called me and told me what happened, then I got extra worried when you didn’t come over after shift like we planned. How are you doing now?”
“I am better than what I was.” Buck says, “I’m sorry for worrying you so much. I just didn’t want to burden you with my problems, when you are already going through your own trauma. I am all but ready to hang out with you and Chris though.”
Eddie sighs, “Buck, you should know by now that you could never burden me with anything. I will always have your back like you do for me.” he says, “Now let’s head out, Christopher is dying to see you and give you a big hug.”