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Sesshomaru looked inside the room where his daughters were sleeping, the light of the full moon streaming through their window and illuminating them with a soft glow. Though it had been over a month since they returned from their sea monster-slaying mission – and though they were approaching their fifteenth summer – they still weren’t ready to sleep in separate rooms yet.
He didn’t blame them for that. A decade spent apart after the forest fire, then months spent in endless battles, and not simply against Kirinmaru and Zero, or the many other enemies who stalked them for being his half-demon daughters.
They had fought with one another before Rin was finally able to return Setsuna’s memories of their childhood. Towa had fought so hard to restore the bond with her sister, to bring her back to life with the broken Tenseiga when he could not, to recover her dreams and sleep. Setsuna had lost her life once and came within an inch of being lost to them forever, and pushed herself to the edge physically and mentally in her resolve to save her mother. Towa had sacrificed her own life twice, once to save his life and once to save Rion’s soul, and had had to grapple with the pain of losing Riku before he was restored to life. (He still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about Towa’s friendship and not-so-subtly growing affections for Kirinmaru’s former puppet, but he was not about to risk his growing relationship with his daughter by unduly imposing. Not when he had just gotten her back.)
After all they had experienced, it was no wonder they weren’t ready to sleep apart just yet, just as he and Rin could barely stand to let one another out of their sight. He knew that things would settle down with time, but right now, they were all still in the phase of getting to know one another again. He knew it was not a process to be rushed.
That was why he was resolved to let the girls approach him at their own pace. He knew that it was easier for them to approach Rin, with her sunny personality and her natural instinct for mothering. That was why he had given her the cloth to create their new kimonos and present them to the girls herself; he did not want them to think it a superficial gesture on his part, a bandage for the wound of their separation and the trials they had had to face on their own. His heart felt full as he watched the girls with their mother, Setsuna looking so happy and content as Rin brushed and braided her hair in the evenings and Towa excitedly telling her mother all about her life in the future and eager to hear her mother’s stories of traveling together with him and Jaken as a child and about her life in Kaede’s village prior to their marriage. Yet he was not entirely at peace. His hope was that Rin might serve as a buffer until they were ready to come to him on their own.
But as he stood in the doorway of their room, listening to the soft sounds of their breathing as the moonlight gently caressed their faces – their beautiful faces created from the perfect combination of features from both him and Rin – he could not resist the longing to go to them, now that he was free to do so without fear of putting them in danger either by tipping off Zero and Kirinmaru or interfering in their battles so that their enemies would perceive them as weak and vulnerable.
Vulnerable. It was a feeling he had never been able to get used to in the last almost-fifteen years. Rin was the only person in the world who he had ever allowed himself to be vulnerable with. But perhaps it was what was needed to restore the bond with his daughters.
He walked into the room and settled on the floor between his daughter’s separate futons. Setsuna was curled around her piece of Mokomoko that he had cut from himself and sent to her while she was still living in the secret hanyo village, holding it close to her body with her nose buried in the soft fur. He gently brushed her bangs away from her face and watched carefully as her eyelids flickered. It relieved him to know that she was finally able to dream again and that no one would ever be able to invade her dreams again.
What are you dreaming of, my little one? He thought. Are you dreaming of Towa? Your mother and I? Would you think me strange if I asked you?
His gaze moved over to Towa who was sleeping with one arm crossed behind her head, not unlike the way he himself slept if he was not spooning Rin and holding her close. Sesshomaru had always been a man of few words, but he found that there was so much that he wanted to say to her. How he was sorry he had failed to protect his daughters the night of the forest fire. How his heart had ached when Jaken reported that the Tree of Ages informed him that she had been transported across time to Kagome’s world. How it was his fault that he had let his emotions get the better of him and gone after Zero to end Rin’s suffering, how he had foolishly taken Kirinmaru at his word that he would only test the girls and that lapse in judgment was the reason why Setsuna had no more chances to be saved by Tenseiga. How it should not have been Towa’s burden to save her sister’s life, or his when his haku was almost drained after he had taken the blast from Kirinmaru, determined not to fail his daughters and niece again.
He also wanted to tell her how he couldn’t be more proud to call her his daughter, his heir for Tenseiga and for the Western lands that were now in their family’s possession once again. How amazed he had been to watch from afar as she perfected the azure dragon wave, surpassing his own ability to wield it just as he had hoped she would. Her courage and determination when she fought to save her sister, how Tenseiga had chosen her as its successor, how she had delivered her aunt and uncle from her grandfather’s grave. How bravely she had fought to stop the grim comet and to save Rion’s soul. How even though it should have never been her responsibility, he owed her his very life.
Towa was the reason their family was together once again. He didn’t know if that was something she understood or if she would even accept credit for, but he at least wanted her to know that he recognized and acknowledged it. Acknowledged her, if she would accept it. Towa had told him before the girls left for their mission that they wished to talk with him more when they returned, but so far that had not happened. He would not force it, but he would be lying to himself if he said that the prolonged silence did not make him anxious and – if he were honest – a bit hurt.
Did they hate him for everything they had experienced? Would they understand that keeping his distance while the enemy watched his every move and doing everything he could from the shadows to ensure that they would be strong enough to stand on their own, without relying on his help, was the only way he had to ensure their safety, to secure their future in a world that hated them for being his hanyo daughters?
Setsuna’s bond with Rin was strong, but she seemed to be understanding of his nature as it was similar to her own. He was more worried about Towa. He knew she had been raised by humans in Kagome’s world, a world far more peaceful than their own. Yet she had chosen to return to this time, to accept her position as his daughter. Would she come to regret that choice? Would she find him too distant, too cold compared to the humans who had raised her? He had vowed to himself when he married Rin that he would not be like his own father when it came to their children, distant and mostly absent even though Toga had, in the end, looked out for both of his sons in his own way. But Zero and Kirinmaru had robbed Sesshomaru of the chance to be a father in the way he wanted to be. Was it too late to repair the damage now?
If nothing else, he hoped that they would remember that both he and Rin had been prepared to sacrifice themselves for their children. Were still prepared to do so now should there ever be a choice.
There was also something else that he wished they could remember, though it was extremely doubtful that they would.
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The night that Rin was cursed, after he had carefully placed her within the Tree of Ages (keeping her favorite purple kimono tucked into his armor so that he could have one small piece of her – her scent had faded little by little, but it was still something of hers he could keep close during those lonely years apart), he had returned to the sealed forest to check on his daughters for what he knew would be the last time. Towa and Setsuna lay in the safety of a small house that had been hastily built by Inuyasha, who had been allowed within the barrier several days before. The plan had, of course, been for him to bring Rin to the forest to reunite with their daughters – for them to live as a family. After Zero had put the fatal blight on Rin, Sesshomaru realized that there was no other choice; if he wished for his family to survive, he would have to keep his distance from his children. He would have to work from the shadows to ensure they had what they needed, that they developed the skills they would need to survive as his daughters for when he could not be there. It was the only way he knew to secure their future, and Rin’s, and even that of his brother and sister-in-law and soon-to-be-born niece.
As he gazed down at his week-old infants – precious little beings who would never even have the chance to be held by their mother – the beast within him howled with rage, knowing that he had failed. Failed to protect Rin. Failed at being the father he had wanted to be for his pups, these two tiny, tiny people now faced with an unimaginable burden. His baby girls who he would kill for, who he would lay down his own life to protect if it came to it. They were so small, so helpless, completely innocent to the fact that there was a madwoman hellbent on finding and killing them out of nothing more than bitterness and petty envy, who was the reason they would be deprived of a childhood with both their mother and father.
It was not what he had wanted for them, but he would do whatever was necessary to keep them alive, no matter how it may appear to those on the outside. He had never cared what others thought of him, anyway.
The babies had begun to fuss, which quickly escalated into crying. He felt his heart crush with agony at their cries as he sent Jaken outside to find the goat they had taken from the village to substitute milk for the girls. He gently lifted them from their crib, holding his little ones close as he settled with them on the floor. He rocked them back and forth as Jaken prepared warm draughts of milk. But when the imp reached for the girls to feed them, as he had done for the last week as he cared for them in the absence of their parents, Sesshomaru had taken the draughts and dismissed him. Jaken looked shocked but said nothing as the great Sesshomaru, Lord of the West, the strongest daiyoukai whose name meant “destruction of life,” fed his tiny daughters with his own hands. When they were finished he brought them to his shoulder and burped them the way Rin had helped him practice during her pregnancy before settling them on Mokomoko. He stroked their soft little cheeks with the sword-calloused pads of his thumbs as they gazed up at him with their magenta and violet eyes.
“I’m sorry, Towa. Setsuna.”
It was the first time he could ever remember apologizing to anyone in his long life. The words were a paltry expression for all that he felt in his heart.
“This is the only night that I may stay with you,” he whispered. “Know that it is not what I had planned.”
He doubted that they could understand him, but they did not move their gazes away from his face. It was as if they knew their father was speaking directly to them even if they couldn’t understand the words.
“The two of you will have to face many trials ahead,” he explained gently. “You must be strong. But you are my daughters, and Rin’s daughters.” He lifted up Mokomoko and brought them closer to his face. “I have faith in you, my little ones.” He kissed their foreheads, breathing in their scents as though they were a pair of sacred objects – which they were, to him.
“I will never be too far away,” he murmured. Then, in a voice barely audible: “I love you both more than you will ever know.”
Towa reached out with her tiny hand and gripped his finger, closing her eyes as her soft mouth curved into a smile. Setsuna quickly followed her twin into sleep.
At that moment, Sesshomaru recalled something that had not crossed his mind in centuries. It was a lullaby his own mother – his proud, cold, stoic mother – had sung to him long, long ago during his childhood at the Palace in the Sky. He remembered that sometimes, Inukimi would come to her son’s nursery late at night and sit beside his crib. She never sang unless he was asleep, but sometimes he had pretended to be just so he could hear her.
It was a song about the moon being the guardian of the stars, of keeping them close even in the invisibility of the day. Though it had been so long, Sesshomaru remembered it as though he had heard it that very night. He sang gently to his beloved daughters, his arms keeping them safe until the morning broke.
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Sesshomaru knew that the chances of his daughters remembering that night – the one night the three of them had had together as father and daughters – were next to nothing. He knew that the time for them seeking him out for his comfort and care was long past.
He also knew that the two young women sleeping soundly in the moonlight before him would always be his little girls, no matter how many years passed, no matter how strong they became. Regardless of how they may feel about him, nothing would ever detract from the fierce love he had for them as his daughters.
My love for them as our children is just as strong as yours, Lord Sesshomaru. The words were just as true now as they were when Rin spoke them on that fateful night.
His eyes darted over to Towa as she stirred beneath her blanket. She yawned as her eyes opened, then made a startled noise when she saw him sitting beside the futon.
“Father?” she said quietly.
“Towa.”
She stared up at him for a moment, then timidly reached for his hand. He reached back, curling his long fingers around hers, always mindful of his claws. He remembered how her baby hand had gripped his finger that night. Her hand was bigger now, of course, and strong enough to fight, to hold and wield a sword; she did not need him to hold it. But she wanted to hold his, and he would not deny her that.
Towa propped herself up on her left elbow and stared for a moment at where their hands were connected, as though she were pondering something, before looking up at him. He could see the longing in her magenta eyes, as well as worry. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. He understood her trepidation around him – they were, after all, still strangers in many ways thanks to Zero – but he did not want her to feel intimidated or frightened of him.
Towa squeezed back.
“May I call you Papa?” she whispered.
She bit her lip as if she were afraid of his answer. Sesshomaru reached out with his free hand and cupped her cheek.
“You may call me what you please, daughter.”
He could scent her tears before they spilled from her eyes. She pulled herself up and wrapped her arms around his waist as she buried her face into his shoulder, shuddering as the tears fell and dampened the sleeve of his yukata. He did not care; he simply pulled his daughter close, resting his chin on the crown of her head as he gently rubbed her back. Before he quite realized it, he found himself singing the same lullaby he had sung to her and her sister in the forest all those years ago. For a moment he worried that she may find it strange; instead, her grip around him tightened.
This was the way he should have been able to care for her as a child. The way his inu screamed for him to go to her when she was tortured and taunted by Zero, yet he could not lest he lose both his eldest and Rin. But tonight, perhaps he could make up for at least some of that lost time simply by holding her close and singing her back to sleep, the daughter who had saved his life when it should have been the other way around. Perhaps his girls were not too old to want his affection and comfort after all.
He paid close attention to her heartbeat and was relieved when it began to slow down as she continued crying, the tears helping her to release whatever pain and fear she had been holding in. Even when they stopped, she continued to rest against him. He made no move to move her off until her heart rate and breathing slowed as sleep overcame her once again. He gently maneuvered her back down onto her futon and tucked the blanket up to her chin before silently standing and gliding from the room, pausing to look over his shoulder at his girls once more.
They were sleeping soundly. They were warm and safe.
He returned to his and Rin’s chamber. Rin was lying on her side on the futon and he settled down behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.
“You’re crying,” he whispered, the salt of her tears stinging his nose.
Rin took his hand and he laced his fingers with hers.
“You were singing to the girls, weren’t you?”
He looked at her in surprise. “You could hear me from here?”
“I woke up and you weren’t here, so I went to check on them. I figured you would be there.” She sniffled. “I heard Towa crying and you singing to her.”
Sesshomaru kissed her temple. “She is alright.” He paused. “She asked if she could call me ‘papa.’ She seemed very relieved when I said yes.”
“I am glad,” Rin said. She turned around to face him, cupping his cheek in her palm. “What they want more than anything is to get to know both of us, so that we can finally be a proper family.”
“Do you think they hate me?” He asked quietly.
Rin shook her head. “They understand why you did what you did. They know that your sacrifices are what kept all of us alive, Moroha and their aunt and uncle too” she said gently. “I think in their own way, they’re also grateful you made sure that they could stand on their own.” She smiled through her tears. “They’re so confident and strong Sesshomaru. Our…our babies are all grown up.”
She shuddered as more tears fell. Sesshomaru brought her closer to him and stroked her hair.
“I’m sorry, Rin,” he whispered.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she managed. “None of it was your fault.”
How can she still be so forgiving and compassionate after all she’s gone through? Sesshomaru thought. She even had compassion for Zero. He may have been the strongest daiyoukai, but in his view, Rin was the strongest person who ever existed.
He nuzzled the top of her head. “I failed all three of you.”
“You did not,” she said, her voice firmer. “We’re all together now. We’re a united front.”
He sighed. “The girls seem afraid to approach me.”
“I think they’re waiting for you to make the first move,” Rin said, then smiled. “Maybe you did that tonight, at least with Towa.”
“I did not want to rush them,” he explained.
Rin laughed lightly. “I can understand that. Thankfully, we have plenty of time, now.”
Sesshomaru nodded, bending his head down to kiss the junction of her shoulder and neck where his mother had embedded a shard of her Meido stone. While the girls were off on their mission, the Lady Mother had visited her son and daughter-in-law after Sesshomaru had sent word that they were preparing to return to the West. She had offered Rin the choice to have her greatest wish fulfilled at last: to be with her Lord Sesshomaru forever.
“After the lengths the two of you went for your family – and the lengths your daughters went for this world –,” Inukimi had said, “I’ve decided that the two of you have earned this. However,” she added, looking directly at Rin, “this is the only opportunity I will offer you. Think wisely about your choice. I will give you three days to make your final decision.”
“I don’t need three days, Mother,” Rin had said quickly. “I already made my choice long ago.”
Inukimi had smiled knowingly. “I expected no less.”
Sesshomaru knew then that whatever tension still existed between him and his mother mattered not; she had spared him the loss of Rin twice, even after she had initially warned that there would be no third chances. Rin would finally have her greatest wish fulfilled and he would not be destroyed by her eventual death. His mother explained that since the Medio stone was under the guardianship of their clan, their lives were tied together as well as their hearts. For as long as either would live, so would the other.
The girls had been overjoyed when Rin told them the good news on their return. It was true, they now had all the time in the world to be the family they were always meant to be.
Even so, Sesshomaru wondered if it would truly be enough to make up for all the time lost.
“Tomorrow,” he said, “I will ask them to take a walk with me.”
Rin smiled. “I think they will love that. It’s a good first step.”
He gave her a small smile before leaning down to kiss her, softly at first before deepening it. Rin let out a soft moan and ran her fingers through his long hair.
“I have a request, anata,” she whispered when they parted.
“Anything you ask is yours, Rin. You know that.”
She nuzzled his cheek before leaning close to his ear.
“Will you give me another baby?”
Sesshomaru propped himself up on his elbow before slowly leaning over her. He kissed her hard as he worked on untying her yukata, while she reached for his.
“We will have another chance, my love,” he whispered. “Your scent tells me you are ready.”
Rin nodded, then gave him a mischievous smirk. “Want to know a secret?”
“Hn?”
“Watching your last fight with Kirinmaru…well, let’s just say I’ve been ready for you to pup me again for a while.”
Sesshomaru growled to show he was pleased with her words. “Why didn’t you say so before?”
Rin shrugged. “I wanted a little time with the girls before we tried again. But I’m sure they’ll be happy when their little brother arrives.”
Sesshomaru pressed their foreheads together. “I’ll give you a son, Rin.”
There wasn’t much conversation after that – they did not need words to convey their love as they worked together, enjoying one another as they hoped their son was conceived. It was not a do-over for them, but a chance for all of them to start a new chapter as a family.
Tonight, he would tend to his wife and give her everything that she wanted – what he wanted, too. Tomorrow, he would pick up where he had left off fifteen years ago. He would tend to his bond with his beloved daughters.