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"Oh, Vi", I whisper. I've been longing for a moment like this for weeks now: no criminals on the loose, no losses to be mourned, no wounds to heal. Just the two of us, laying in my bed, hearts close, intertwined like to be mistaken for one single creature, diving deeply into each others eyes.
She smiles affectionately. "I like how you say my name."
"Why that?"
"It sounds like a pet name or a compliment."
I smile back. "Maybe it is." We kiss. My heart beat accelerates. I pull her even closer deepening the kiss. My pulse races. I push her to turn a little and let my lips wander down her neck. I hear her breathing change. All blood rushes to my lower body. I put my lips to her ear, suggesting "If you like how I say your name, you should try making me scream it."
She withdraws and I instantly regret my words. I lay down on my side again giving her more space without letting go completely. She looks at me like a lost puppy. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you. Take your time."
She buries her face in my arms like she is hiding from something. "I... I'm sorry. You've been patient for so long now. It's just…"
"I know. You've never had a girlfriend before. It's all new and you've been through a lot in your life. I understand and I apologise for bringing this up again."
She looks up, desperate. "Well, yes, that and... it's not like I don't want to but..." She caresses my face with just her fingertips almost hovering over my skin. Raw emotions showing on in her expression. "I feel like... like... you're a saint and I shouldn't even touch you... especially not like this."
I take some time to process this. I feel honoured and full of pity at the same time. "That's... sweet. But you know very well, that I'm a human just like you. I have my flaws and issues and weaknesses."
"Still you're pretty perfect for a human and sometimes... mostly actually, I think I don't deserve you."
"Oh, silly girl! That's not true and it's my decision, really, isn't it? If I am this perfect and I choose to be with you, it means I think you're perfect for me." She kisses me, tenderly, intimately until the whole world around us disappears. "I love you", I breathe.
Her eyes shine watery. "I love you, too."
My heart threatens to overflow. I feel like it's too much and I don't know what to do with it. I wrap myself around her, holding her as tight as I can. My muscles ache from the strain. She responds in a similar way but likely holds back so she doesn't break a rip.
When she kisses me again, I can sense the rising desire. Eventually, I slightly pull away to breathe. "I'm aware the whole being-new-to-me thing won't change so...", she trails off hoping I get her intention.
I do. I put a lot of effort in restraining myself, when I gently push her onto her back, sliding on top. "We can do this slowly. Try to relax and stop thinking."
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When she lets out a long, satisfied breath and sinks into my pillows, eyes still closed, I lay down and snuggle within her arms, listening to her heart beat gradually slowing down. "I forgot how to breathe", she whispers.
"Your body will remind you." I enjoy the warmth of her heated skin on mine and her scent in my nose. Her lungs finally remember how to suck in air and she opens her eyes, looking at me like I am her whole world. She surly is mine right now.
She rolls us over to our sides, releasing me to trace a line from my cheek down to my solar plexus and further to my stomach. "I wanna make you feel like this, too... but I might need some instructions." She smirks just a little.
"I don't mind giving you orders."
"I know."