Chapter Text
The first time Narcissa laid eyes on Lily Evans, the girl had been wearing a bright yellow scarf and her face had been so red it looked like she was trying to match it to the color of her hair. Well, what else did one expect when wearing a scarf in the summer?
Snape had been there, too, of course, taking her heavy luggage with concern written all over his face while Evans stammered something about bad traffic. It had been her first year at Hogwarts and she was late… Lily had always been late…
After that moment at Kings Cross, time flew by and Narcissa quickly had forgotten about the girl with the red hair and yellow scarf again. She was in her third year, busy and certainly not interested in a girl from the first year that had gotten sorted into Gryffindor out of all the houses. And yet, it was pretty difficult to ignore the fiery hair that always managed to show up, wherever Narcissa went. Hogwarts was a castle but apparently, that wasn’t big enough. A fact, she once again realized three years later, when Lucius headed towards her with big steps, a wide grin plastered to his pale face.
“Shit…,” Narcissa murmured and hastily grabbed her bag. Lucius had asked her out at the end of year five but by now, only a few months later, she could already no longer stand it. While her mother and older sister had been excited about the news of their little Cissy dating someone as prestigious as a Malfoy, Narcissa had spent most of the weeks since the start of her sixth year at Hogwarts, trying to find the best hiding spots to avoid her boyfriend as much as possible.
“Cissy!” Lucius called at that moment, but Narcissa only fastened her step, pretending like she hadn’t heard him. If she was honest with herself, she couldn’t even fully understand why she was acting like this either. The day she had seen Lucius in the Great Hall on her first day at Hogwarts, she had known that he was the best match for her. He wasn’t only a pure-blood but also carried a well-known family name with a huge inheritance in tow. He was perfect and still, Narcissa dreaded any second she spent with him.
Quickly, she entered a narrow corridor, throwing a careful glance behind her shoulder before she pulled aside a broad tapestry and collided with the person that was sitting in the corridor hidden behind it.
“Ah!“ Narcissa exclaimed, barely managing to keep her balance while the person on the floor yelped in surprise.
“Careful! You nearly stepped on my ink!”
There she was, Lily Evans, sitting cross-legged on the ground in a hidden corridor, an essay spread in front of her and a frown on her forehead.
“What are you doing here?” It escaped Narcissa’s lips before she could stop herself. Merlin, how did this girl manage to show up wherever she went, even when she didn’t want to be found?
“Doing homework…,” Evans replied as if that was more than obvious. “What about you? What’s so scary that you blindly run into a hideout like this?”
Narcissa didn’t want to answer that question but she also didn’t need to. Because at that moment, Lucius walked by, once again calling, “Cissy! Wait for me, darling! … Why is she walking so fast?”
Evan’s eyebrows crawled upwards. “Hiding from your boyfriend? Did you already get tired of him cursing out us muggle-born?”
“None of your business,” Narcissa said brusquely. “Why are you doing your homework in a dirty, dark corridor instead of the library?” She expected Evans to roll her eyes and tell her that that wasn’t any of her business either, but to her surprise, the girl sighed and ran an ink-stained hand through her red hair.
“Hiding from Severus… and Potter…”
Now it was on Narcissa to raise an eyebrow. “Two boys…? Didn’t know you were that popular.”
Evans huffed. “One of them is my best friend and the other cannot accept a no… I’d rather not be popular at all…” She returned Narcissa’s cold stare, something like recognition glowing up in them.
“Wait… Aren’t you one of the Black sisters? Sirius’ cousins?”
Even better… Now she’d have to talk about her annoying cousin.
“Whatever he told you about me, it isn’t true,” Narcissa said, only to freeze when there was suddenly a smile shining on Evans’ face. She had seen it before but only ever from a distance and definitely not directed at her. Merlin, Narcissa hated how beautiful it made the girl look. That really wasn’t fair. She was merely a muggle-born fourth-year.
“Thought so. He says your parents bought you your place in the Quidditch team but I’ve seen you play and you are really good.”
Pah! Sirius that asshole! “You are right. I don’t need my parents’ money to buy me into the Quidditch team. I think our win against you Gryffindors in the last game made that pretty obvious.”
Now Lily Evans even had the audacity to giggle and Narcissa felt her own face growing hotter. It was a weird sensation but she wasn’t sure what exactly had caused it or why. Maybe it was her anger at Sirius for spreading lies about her like this.
“I think he was just upset about losing. The boys haven’t been talking about anything else recently, but Severus was happy, of course.” Her eyes twinkled. “You fly really well, Black.”
If it had been difficult for Narcissa to ignore Evans before, that was nothing against the chaos in her mind after their interaction. Freckles, red hair, and green eyes… They seemed to be everywhere.
You fly really well, Black.
She didn’t know why but these words made her train even harder the next couple of weeks, much to the delight of their team captain. Narcissa really wanted to show off her skills in the next game. Mainly to shut up Sirius, of course, but maybe, a tiny part of her also wanted to impress a certain Gryffindor girl from the fourth year.
“Could it be that you are not listening to me?”
“Mmmh?” Unwillingly, Narcissa forced her eyes off Evans who was sitting by the lake together with her best friend Snape, not far from her and Lucius. The latter looked somewhat sulky.
“I’ve been talking about my parents’ New Year’s Eve party for at least 20 minutes but you weren’t listening!”
Narcissa wanted to huff. As if she cared about a stupid New Year’s Eve party. No surprise her eyes had betrayed her and wandered towards Evans all by themselves without her really noticing. The time around Christmas was not something she usually enjoyed. The parties were much too excessive, the guests much too boring. They were all the same, just like Lucius. And Narcissa, too, would have to play the same old role of the well-behaved daughter, which she had already grown tired of many years ago. She’d rather just not celebrate at all, but none of that she could tell Lucius. So instead, she tucked a strand of her fine, blonde hair behind her ear, an apologizing smile on her face which she knew would make Lucius forgive her immediately.
“I’m so sorry, darling. School has been on my mind a lot lately.”
Just as expected, the sulky expression vanished from her boyfriend’s face and got replaced by sympathy. “Of course, my love. I get it must be upsetting having to compete for the teachers’ attention against mudbloods like her…”
His eyes were now resting on Evans. The girl was reading a book as she did most of the time, not knowing what a cruel word Lucius had just uttered about her.
It was true. In winning the house cup, Evans was probably the toughest competition. All their teachers spoke highly of her and even though they were in different years and therefore didn’t share any classes, Narcissa had seen how dedicated Evans went about her work in the library. She was also very much aware that the girl was muggle-born, her blood dirty while Narcissa herself came from a pure-blood family. Just like Lucius, she had grown up with the ideology of keeping their blood clean. And still, the way her boyfriend spoke about Evans with so much disgust on his face, even though all the girl ever did was study hard, irked her.
“Comparing me to a mudblood in such a way is much more upsetting, Lucius,” Narcissa said and got up. “I’ll go to the library to study, so I can collect more points for the house cup and beat her and the other Gryffindors’ asses while you sit around doing nothing.”
With these words, she stormed towards the castle, ignoring the urge to turn around and throw another glance at Evans.
Narcissa would beat her this time. Yes, she’d do everything in her power to collect more points than Evans.
The first term passed and so did Christmas break. Bellatrix had gotten engaged to her boyfriend Rodolphus and while their entire family had been more than delighted about this news, Narcissa knew it meant it was only a matter of time until their parents would look at her to get married to the right match next. Preferably right after finishing school, just like her oldest sister. There was Andromeda too, of course, but her liking of muggles had eventually split the family. She had chosen love over her parents and sisters.
After having gotten cast out over the summer, Narcissa had gotten forbidden to contact her and, despite the pain about losing her beloved sister as well as Andromeda’s betrayal sitting deep in her heart, Narcissa tried not to let it show. She needed to be strong. More now than ever.
Which was why she let Lucius take her on a date to Hogsmeade for Valentines' Day. Because despite his hand around her waist making her feel nauseous, it was still a hundred times better than the risk of losing her family. No, Narcissa wanted what Bella had gotten — to see her parents smile at her with so much happiness and excitement. She wanted them to ask her repeatedly to show them the beautiful and expensive engagement ring on her finger and help her plan the wedding. Narcissa would get that, should Lucius ever ask for her hand, but if she followed her heart… She wasn’t sure it was worth getting cast away like Andromeda.
“You know my father has big plans for me in the ministry,” Lucius continued the monologue he had been holding for quite some time now. Not that Narcissa minded. It was easier to let him talk and get lost in her own thoughts than having to actually listen to him. Career this, career that… His plans for his home, Malfoy Manor, and whatever gossip was currently going on in the families of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.
“By the way, did you know that Andromeda apparently gave birth very recently? I heard it from my mother…”
Again, Narcissa didn’t reply, pretending to be focused on the view of the snow-covered mountains in the distance, glistening in the soft sunlight. She did not like this change of topic. This was the first time someone had brought up her sister around her since the summer and that it came from Lucius out of all people made anger boil up inside of her for some reason.
Yes, of course, she had known that Andromeda had been pregnant and must have given birth to a daughter at some point throughout the last few weeks. Only recently, Narcissa had discovered all the letters addressed to her that her mother must have confiscated. Until that point, Narcissa had believed Andromeda had cut her off in the same way she had, but the second her eyes fell on the familiar handwriting, there had been tears running down Narcissa’s cheeks. Tears, which seemed close to spilling over once more, when Lucius kept on talking,
“Your family must still be distraught over her actions… Andromeda, a blood traitor out of all people! Then again, didn’t she always act a bit too nice towards the mudbloods? Maybe one should have seen it co—“
But Narcissa had had enough of it. Suddenly enduring Lucius any longer seemed impossible and she stopped dead in her tracks. Her boyfriend gave her a confused glance.
“Is everything alright? You look quite pale…”
“I feel sick… I must have had something bad at Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop earlier…,” Narcissa mumbled. It wasn’t even really a lie. She really did feel sick to the stomach but it wasn’t the tea’s fault. “I’ll go, ask Madam Pomfrey for some herbal medicine.”
She turned on her heels, not caring about Lucius who shouted something about accompanying her to the castle after her. Narcissa couldn’t stand another second in the presence of his obnoxious tone while he was speaking about Andromeda like she was as disgusting as the muggle she had married. As if her sister had always only ever caused their family sorrow and wasn’t still the same person who had defended Narcissa against Bella whenever she had thrown one of her fits. Or brought her her favorite sweets from Hogsmeade as long as her younger sister still hadn’t been allowed to go there the first two years.
Just why did everybody expect Narcissa to act as if she wasn’t affected even though she had lost her sister?
Tears began falling, blinding her vision, and like that she didn’t see the person stepping out of Honeydukes until it was already too late. They collided, a familiar voice crying out in surprise. Merlin… What kind of bad luck was following Narcissa these days? Why did it have to be her out of all people?!
“If I didn't know it better I’d think you are doing this on purpose… Running into me, I mean. Literally.” Evans laughed, somehow sounding like what warm spring days felt like. She collected the small paper bag that she had dropped and brushed the snow off it. “Maybe next time you sh—“ But Narcissa would never find out what Evans had had in mind because, at that moment, green eyes met her own and visible shock flashed over the girl’s face. Lovely! Years at Hogwarts without letting anyone see her cry and here she was…
“Oh my god! Are you alright? What happened?”
Narcissa nearly snorted. Fourth-year and Evans still used strange muggle phrases.
“It’s nothing! I’m fine…,” she said and wanted to push past the Gryffindor girl only to feel warm, gloved fingers close around her wrist.
“Wait! Let me help!”
Apparently, Evans had forgotten that they were neither housemates nor friends. A fourth-year Gryffindor girl… And a muggle-born at that! Narcissa’s ancestors would probably return to the living immediately should she even consider Evan’s help as an option and still, these warm, green eyes seemed to look right into her heart, and before she could stop herself she had shrugged and walked along.
Evans clearly took it as an invitation to follow her, because she was next to her again, a second later. At least Narcissa’s tears had stopped falling.
“Is it because of your boyfriend? The guy who looks like a white ferret? Sorry, I don’t remember his name.”
Narcissa couldn’t help but snort at that comparison, not missing the smile that bloomed on Evan’s face upon seeing it.
“Lucius… And we are not really…,” she stopped, not sure how to continue. They were not really what? Dating? Probably eventually getting engaged and married at some point? In love?
“Oh… Sorry, I assumed he was your boyfriend because… Well, I saw you two at the tea house earlier.”
“No, you were right. He is my boyfriend…,” Narcissa mumbled, hating the way the word felt on her tongue. From the corner of her eye, she could see Evans frown at this but she didn’t give in to the urge to turn to her and stared at her feet instead. It was an unusually cold Valentines’ day and that meant there was still snow covering the streets everywhere, making it easy to slip and fall.
“I’m sorry if I’m pushing any boundaries but… It sounds like you don’t actually want him to be your boyfriend?”
“Yes… That’s indeed pushing the boundaries,” Narcissa said and silence fell over them. However, the longer they walked, the more the urge inside of her grew to tell Evans everything. Merlin! Had this girl hexed her or something? Narcissa sighed.
“Love isn’t necessarily needed to be in a relationship.”
That statement seemed to shock Evans because she halted to stare at her with comically widened eyes. “What?! Of course, it’s needed! Love is important! Otherwise, you’ll become miserable.”
Narcissa huffed dryly. “Don’t talk about things you know nothing about, Evans. Life isn’t like it’s portrayed in stupid bedtime stories.”
“But do you at least like him? Or respect him?”
Narcissa shrugged. “I respect his bloodline and family’s influence.”
Evans looked like she had just seen the Bloody Baron for the first time. Her mouth opened for yet another stupid question and Narcissa quickly raised a finger to the girl’s lips to silence her.
“Listen… You don’t know me or my family. You are muggle-born, too, so you’ll never understand the pressure of having to continue a line of generations of purebloods.”
At this, Evans rolled her eyes and once again grabbed Narcissa’s wrist to pull her hand away from her face.
“No, you listen. This whole blood thing is crazy. I could cut both our veins and our blood would look exactly the same. Your blood is not in any way cleaner or purer than mine and considering I gather most of the points for Gryffindor it should be obvious that me being muggle-born does not harm my intelligence either. At least I don’t treat people based on their ‘blood’.” She snorted angrily, her eyes spitting fire at Narcissa while her breath turned into white fog and rose to the sky. “But I guess you won’t need any more help from a muggle-born like me then.”
With these words she stomped towards the castle, leaving Narcissa who looked after her. After previously having felt annoyed, there was now guilt boiling in the pitch of her stomach and she quickly followed after Evans.
She still thought she hadn’t really said anything wrong. After all, the girl really did not know what it was like to bear her parents’ pressure and expectations, especially after the incident with Andromeda. But at the same time, she also didn’t want Evans to despise her. Though she hated to admit it, Narcissa liked the girl, and having one less enemy and one more friend instead sounded like a nice change of pace for once.
“Hey! Wait! Evans!”
Of course, Evans did not wait but luckily Narcissa owned the longer pair of legs of them both. She managed to catch up to the girl inside the mostly empty entrance hall, earning an angry glare from her when she grabbed her upper arm to stop her.
“What?!”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it like that…,” Narcissa apologized. It felt odd. She never apologized to anyone except to her family… All the time. However, as soon as the words had left her mouth, Evan’s expression softened again. “It was worded badly and I know it’s difficult to understand but my family really does put a lot of pressure on me…,” she continued, her voice not louder than a whisper. “There was an incident last summer and it’s gotten even worse since then…”
“You are talking about your sister, right? Andromeda?” Evans wanted to know, her eyes full of sympathy. When Narcissa’s mouth dropped open in surprise, she quickly added, “You probably won’t like it, but Sirius told us about it… Apparently, they are really close.”
Narcissa snorted. Yeah, that made sense. A traitor and another traitor. However, no matter how hard she tried to summon the anger, it didn’t come. Instead, she grabbed Evan’s arm a bit tighter.
“Do you know how she is? I heard she gave birth to a girl.”
Evans smiled, a tiny comforting smile, and then carefully loosened Narcissa’s fingers around her shoulder to take them into her hands instead. “I don’t know that much but she seems to be fine. I’ve seen a picture of her baby and she looks healthy and adorable! According to Sirius, they called her Nymphadora. I can ask him for more details if you want?”
Narcissa froze, feeling her heart beating unnaturally fast in her chest. She was an aunt now… Nymphadora. Of course, Andromeda had chosen a name like that. She blinked at Evans who was watching her patiently. Immediately she straightened her body and pulled her hand from her warm grasp.
“There is no need for that. She betrayed my family… She left me for a muggle!”
Evans nodded. “Alright. Whatever you want.”
Still, the next day Narcissa had found a picture in the pocket of her robes. It showed a baby with big ears and curly hair. It had come with a short note:
Got this from Sirius. He has a big collection so he won’t even notice. Tell me, should you ever change your mind.
That evening, Narcissa sat on her bed, the photo pressed tightly to her chest while she was sobbing uncontrollably. Then, once the tears had stopped falling, she began working on a secret letter to her sister.
The next time she saw Evans at one of Slughorn's club evenings. Of course, she had seen her there before. Everybody knew that Slughorn adored Evans. She was one of his favorite parts of his ‘collection’. But while in the past Narcissa had usually ignored her, today she couldn’t take her eyes off the girl.
Slughorn required evening dress for his club meetings. “You should prepare yourself for your future full of prosperity! After all, you are the brightest and most gifted students in all of Hogwarts right now,” was what he would usually say. He never commented on the fact that a few of the members were nearly failing most of their classes and most likely were only here because of their influential families.
Not Lily Evans, though, and she looked stunning tonight. She had put on mascara which brought out her green eyes and nicely matching them she was also wearing a green dress that even showed her collarbones. Narcissa felt like a man seeing a woman’s ankle for the first time. She was pretty sure she had never seen such a beautiful girl before and her heart skipped a beat, whenever Evans looked up from her food to throw tiny smiles at her from across the table.
Narcissa took a deep breath, trying to stay composed. She couldn’t let this happen. The last time it had happened had been in her third year and after that, she had sworn to herself to ignore it, should she ever feel that specific tingling in her stomach again. It had worked so far, but now there was Lily Evans and her smile made the tingling go crazy.
“Narcissa, I recently heard your sister got engaged to Rodolphus back around Christmas?” Slughorn was looking at her with a face filled with interest, and she quickly tore her eyes off Evans to return his gaze. Narcissa forced a smile onto her lips.
“Yes. The wedding will probably be held this summer. Of course, I’ll tell her to invite you too, Professor.” Her voice sounded smooth and a bit playful. Perfect, just the way she had wanted it to. Pretending was one of her most practiced skills, living in such a big and old family like hers.
A second later, Slughorn’s laugh echoed through the room. “I’m glad you didn’t forget about me! Your entire family has been in my house for generations! Well, except one of them.” He winked at Sirius who was sitting next to Evans and shot Narcissa a cold glare. He was probably one of the best examples that not everybody in this club was actually talented… Well, except one counted causing trouble as a talent. His best friend Potter, for example, was unable to attend tonight, caught up in detention somewhere.
After dinner, everybody stood around in groups, chatting while soft music was playing without any kind of musicians being present.
“So, how did you like the photo?”
Narcissa jumped startled. She hadn’t even noticed Evans approaching her, too absorbed in staring at the framed pictures on one of the small tables by the window. A table full of Slughorn’s trophies.
“Merlin, Evans! Do you want to end me?”
The girl chuckled and then shifted her attention towards the pictures. “That one girl looks like you but with dark hair,” she commented and Narcissa nodded sadly.
“My mother… She was in her last year at Hogwarts when Slughorn founded this club.”
“She’s really pretty…”
Narcissa gulped, feeling her cheeks heating up at the indirect compliment. “Well, I’m not sure we are alike in any way… Apart from the looks.” She turned her back to the pictures so that she could look at Evans who was observing her attentively. Her green eyes were shimmering and Narcissa felt herself drowning in them as if they were the ocean itself.
“I agree,” she said. “I don’t think you are like any of them.”
A small smirk grew on Narcissa’s face. “Be careful… Not long ago I’d have considered this the biggest insult possible. I could still hex you…”
For the first time, she saw Lily Evans looking unsure, but before the blush around her nose could disappear and she had found the right reply, Sirius suddenly called for her,
“Curfew is in ten… You coming, Lily?”
The girl nodded and turned to leave, but Narcissa quickly grabbed her hand to stop her for what she earned a stare from wide eyes.
“Thank you… For the photo, I mean,” she said and Evan’s face turned from surprise into bashfulness.
“Oh, no! It was nothing! I’m just glad you aren’t angry, to be honest… I was scared I had crossed a line since you told me not to…”
Narcissa only shook her head, not able to suppress a soft chuckle. Suddenly there was a wave of confidence rushing through her. “You are constantly crossing the lines, Evans…,” she replied. “But I cannot lie… I kinda like it.”
Had Narcissa been annoyed to seemingly run into Evans everywhere before, she now started looking forward to it. The red-haired girl would smile at her, whenever they crossed paths in the corridors, and feeling utterly charmed, Narcissa couldn’t stop herself from returning the smiles every single time.
Considering this, it was insanity and also kind of surprising that it took several weeks for anyone to eventually notice her unusual behavior.
“You are acting weird lately… Since when do you smile at muggle-borns?” Emma threw her a suspicious look and Narcissa tried to make her face look as nonchalant as possible, while she kept on writing her transfiguration essay.
“I don’t know what you mean…”
“I didn’t know how to bring it up earlier but listen…,” Emma said, taking away her book and parchment so Narcissa had to stop writing. “I’m your best friend… I know when something’s up and you’ve been acting weird for weeks now! Do you think I don’t have eyes in my head? I can see you smile and stare at this Gryffindor girl, you know!”
“I’m not—“
But her best friend now even placed a finger on Narcissa’s lips.
“Shhh… You know my family is not as crazy with this blood stuff as yours so I won’t judge you. To be honest I couldn’t care less but I’m worried about what your family will say when they find out you are head over heels for a muggle-born!”
Narcissa stared at Emma, eyes as wide as saucers. No… It couldn’t be that obvious. It shouldn’t be! She quickly relaxed her face again, still trying to seem unfaced even though her hands had started shaking. Narcissa clenched them into fists and rested them in her lap.
“As my best friend, you should be aware that I’m dating Lucius and that we—” But once again Emma didn’t even let her finish her sentence,
“Yes and as your best friend I’m also aware that you do not love this idiot. Like seriously? You are a ten out of ten and he’s handsome and all, but his brain is not even a four…”
A grin appeared on her friend’s face and Narcissa also wasn’t able to fully suppress her own. She hated that she secretly agreed with Emma.
“Merlin! How long have you known? I never… told anyone…”
Emma shrugged. “I also don’t think anyone knows you as well as me.” She smiled, for it to turn into a worried sigh a second later. “Still… What will you do about your parents?”
Narcissa frowned in confusion, not sure what her friend was referring to. “My parents? I won’t tell them obviously. This is just a stupid crush. It doesn’t mean anything. At the end of the day it will pass and once I’m done with my NEWTs, next year, I’ll still marry Lucius as planned.”
Emma looked as if she had just made a very bad joke. “You can’t be serious right now… You still want to marry that guy?!”
“Yes!” Narcissa exclaimed, suddenly feeling a wave of heat shooting to her cheeks. The Slytherin common room was mainly empty but the few first-years that were sitting on the dark green armchairs by the fire still turned to look at them, their faces full of curiosity.
“But what if you’ll be miserable?”
Narcissa huffed angrily. “Well, it’s not really like I have a choice. My parents are not like yours, okay?! They actually care about their family’s reputation!” She got up and exited the room into catacombs, her legs carrying her towards the library on their own. Narcissa was angry. Emma had no idea what it was like to be a Black. Nor what it meant to carry the burden of such a powerful and old name. While she herself was a pureblood — the only reason why Narcissa had been allowed to befriend her in the first place — Emma’s family consisted of blood traitors. Of course, her parents didn’t care who she married. Unlike Narcissa, she wasn’t damned to a life of miserableness!
Narcissa took a deep breath, walking past the bookshelves, towards a table by the window. These days she often spent the evenings there, studying in Evan’s presence. One day the girl had simply sat down across from her, quietly beginning to study for her upcoming OWLs, and Narcissa had already been too smitten to tell her to piss off.
“Oh no… By Merlin, what am I even doing?” She muttered to herself but still kept on walking. Evans was already there, sitting at their usual table and when Narcissa approached her, the girl looked up and smiled at her. As always, Narcissa returned it and sat down quietly.
They didn’t break the silence, they never did.
Despite the NEWTs still being a year away, the exams in year six somehow managed to feel worse than the OWLs the previous year. Narcissa was busy studying until late into the night which meant she saw even more of Evans in the library. By now they had even started talking. Evans asked her for tips for her OWLs and in return helped quiz Narcissa for her own exams. It usually was a comfortable atmosphere between the two and for just a little while Narcissa forgot that people talked. And Merlin, did they talk a lot.
“Cissy!" Lucius had seemingly appeared out of thin air and like every day these past weeks the only thing keeping Narcissa from rolling her eyes at him was the fact that he was in his seventh year and would therefore no longer attend Hogwarts the next year. Finally some peace and quiet.
However, right now he was still here, looking at her with his usual disapproving expression. Narcissa raised a questioning eyebrow.
“What is it, darling?”
“Is it true that the reason I’m hardly seeing you these days is that you are hanging around a mudblood?!”
Narcissa frowned, feeling her blood growing hotter at the insult.
“I’m not sure what you mean…,” she said and kept on walking. She had to be at Charms in fifteen minutes which wasn’t much time considering she was still located in the catacombs.
“Oh, really?” Lucius' tone was disbelieving and he quickly followed. It was clear that he was angry. Narcissa closed her eyes. Shit! She hadn’t been careful enough and now she was bearing the consequences for it.
“Then why is literally everybody talking about my girlfriend hanging around with a mudblood?! You must know who I mean! The stupid Gryffindor girl!”
Narcissa clenched her teeth, trying to stay calm while she answered, “I’m studying with her. She might be a muggle-born but she is smart. I have big goals in my life. I’m not gonna throw away a chance of improving my grades just because you think of it as unfitting.”
“Unfitting?!” By now Lucius sounded like he was close to hysteria. “She is a mudblood and you are a Black! How can you even endure sitting at the same table as her? Someone like her doesn’t belong here! I thought we both shared that opinion!”
Lucius was right. In the past, Narcissa had indeed been sharing that sentiment. It was the belief she had grown up with, shared by everyone close around her. But then Andromeda had been cast out and now there was a girl so much smarter than Narcissa that smelled of spring days and new books and she had inevitably begun to doubt. Because how could someone like Lily Evans not belong here or ever be considered dirty?
“Cissy?”
A hand got placed on her shoulder and only now did Narcissa notice that she had frozen. She blinked.
“I can’t argue about this right now,” she said determinedly. “I need to get to Charms. But just so you know… I won’t stop seeing her until the exams are over. Blood may be important but my results are more important to me.”
The following month, Narcissa received a letter from her mother, followed by another from her oldest sister shortly after. While Bella managed to sound even angrier than their mother, the two letters still agreed in their overall content: Lucius had apparently lost his patience and informed them about her ‘unfitting’ new friendship. They were concerned about Narcissa ruining the family's reputation, not able to understand how she could ever do such a thing, and commanded her to stay away from that mudblood girl. Well, summer break would be fun…
Narcissa meant to end their acquaintanceship after that, she really did. But first, there were exams keeping her busy, and then, when she eventually made her way towards the library with the goal to tell Evans that they could no longer be seen together, she found their usual spot empty. Narcissa stared at it for a few seconds, frozen while something like disappointment overcame her. She had been looking forward to seeing Evans smiling at her one last time but apparently, the girl was no longer in need of their unusual relationship, now that both their exams were over.
Narcissa huffed. Well, this would make it much easier. She turned around and left the library, feeling miserable despite the bright sun shining at her through the windows. The corridors were empty. Everybody had gone outside to enjoy the nice weather and spend the remaining few days with their friends before the Hogwartsexpress would take them all home on Thursday. Narcissa shuddered at that thought. Home – back to her mother and sister. Back to their suffocating expectations.
Narcissa took an abrupt turn, knowing very well that outside Lucius was probably already waiting for her to show. She didn’t want to see him or anyone and thus quickly slipped into a secret corridor behind a tapestry that was displaying a fat unicorn. What awaited her there made her feel like she had stepped into a deja vu.
“Woah!” she exclaimed, nearly stumbling over a heavily sobbing Lily Evans that was cowering on the ground, her face turned towards the dark stone wall. The second Narcissa recognized her, her heart began beating faster until the sound of Evans’ sobs managed to be processed by her brain. Immediately her heart sank instead.
“Lily?” Narcissa asked, carefully crouching down next to her. Never before had she seen the girl crying like this. It felt wrong, considering Evans usually was the one illuminating every room with her bright smiles.
Evans head shot around, red eyes staring at her in surprise. Her face was wet with tears, some snot running down her chin, and Narcissa quickly pulled a white handkerchief from the pocket of her robes. It had her name embroidered on it in silvery yarn, together with her family emblem, but Evans only gave her a tiny grateful smile before noisily blowing into it. Narcissa didn’t mind. She was glad that the girl seemed to slowly calm down again, her sobs turning into sniffles, followed by a slight hiccup. Narcissa stayed with her, gently patting her back in silence without asking any questions. Evans and she weren’t close. The girl probably wouldn’t want to talk to her about what had happened anyways.
Eventually, Evans turned around fully, giving her a small embarrassed smile. “I’m so sorry…,” she mumbled, her face turning bright red upon looking at the handkerchief that she was still clasping in her hands. “I ruined it…”
“Nothing a spell couldn’t fix,” Narcissa said, no anger in her voice.
“Oh, right!” Evans pulled out her wand and pointed it at the handkerchief. “ Scourgify .” Immediately, all the snot and tears disappeared from the fabric. Again, the girl smiled and held it out towards Narcissa who gently shook her head.
“Keep it. Just in case. I have at least ten more of these.”
Evans looked like she was about to protest and Narcissa decided to quickly change the topic, “You don’t have to tell me what happened but will you be alright? Is there anything you need?”
The smile immediately fell from Evans’ face. She seemed unsure, opening her mouth only to close it and then open it again, “It’s…,” she hesitated. “Severus… He… He called me a dirty mudblood.” Her lower lip started trembling again while anger made its way through Narcissa’s veins.
“He did what?!”
Evans sniffled quietly, pressing the handkerchief against her eyes again. “All this time of him going around bullying younger students I defended him. ‘It’s because of his parents… He gets treated horribly at home’ is what I kept telling myself.” She huffed. “Not to forget Potter and your cousin… They made his life hell! But today he proved that I had been wrong about him the entire time… He thinks I'm lesser than him too. A good friend would never say the words he said… Not even when he is angry.” Evans buried her face in her arms and Narcissa began patting her back again.
She was angry. Snape the little rat had always annoyed her and he had no right hurting Evans like this. He should have been grateful to even have someone like her as his friend. But then again, there was this nagging guilt all of a sudden. Because she too had still called Evans a mudblood not too long ago. The girl might think she was better than many other kids from pure-blood families but in reality, Narcissa was as much of a hypocrite as Snape.
If she had been brave, she would have said all these things aloud, but she wasn’t. Of course, she wasn’t. Evans was the brave one of them both and therefore it was also her who leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Narcissa.
“Thank you…,” the girl mumbled, her face buried against her shoulder. “For the handkerchief.”
Narcissa sat frozen, trying to breathe as flatly as possible so as not to disturb Evans. What should she do? It didn’t happen often that someone hugged her. At least not like this. Narcissa’s family wasn’t really… close like this. She couldn’t even remember when it had been the last time that her mother had hugged her. She frowned. She didn’t want this for her own children. Should she ever have children of her own, she would shower them with affection. And with that thought in mind, she returned Evans’ hug, being extremely aware of how warm and soft the girl’s body felt, pressed so close against her, or how fast her heart was beating in her chest.
Suddenly all she wanted was to pull Evans even closer – so close that nothing could ever come between and separate them again. It was an immensely stupid thought, after all, they couldn’t keep hugging forever and there were at least a thousand reasons why they would never fully be part of each other’s lives. But just for a moment, Narcissa allowed herself to forget about all of them and she simply held onto Evans, the girl’s red hair tickling her nose while the stone ground felt like ice underneath Narcissa’s hot body. She didn’t care, because, for some reason, that moment felt incredibly perfect.