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Be impartial, they advised when they first sent her here. Be impartial they commended when she pleaded to be assigned somewhere else after seeing the disturbing conditions there. Be impartial they chastised her after she cared a little too much when another batch was decommissioned after being deemed flawed. We are at war, they said, things would be worse if we lost, they said.
But where in the middle of so much impartiality did they expect her to lose her compassion?
It was always cold in Kamino, it was an ocean planet that seemed to always be plagued by storms, she supposed, but somehow it was something other than that. The chill ran bone-deep and to her very core. She would wrap herself in her cloak, as a shallow reminder of the warmth of her home in the temple, but even that went away after some time.
When Shaak Ti first arrived there, things seemed fine. She was one of the only Jedi to actually go to Kamino and the only one that stayed. She was delighted by the younger clones' awed looks, their rapid questions to her, and the bickering for her attention, she did enjoy spending time with the younglings in the creche back in the temple, after all. But when the questions turned sour, when they told her they didn’t have names, that they weren't kids, they were cadets, she understood the reality of things. And she was horrified.
She sought out the kaminoans, looking for answers about how barbaric things were, she was met with a simple statement on how this was the most effective way to raise the clones to be the best soldiers they could possibly be, and that the attempts to do it any other way were dissuaded, due to having a higher number of clones having to be decommissioned in the end of the process.
“This is simply the best way to do it.” They told her matter of factly.
She discovered that the younger ones’ admiration of her was due to indoctrination. They were taught about the Jedi, having them on some sort of pedestal, the people that would take them away from Kamino, that would lead them, that they were made for. It made her insides feel wrong, the little whispers and admiring looks given to her every time a line of cadets would pass her in a hallway, every time she would respond with a little wave, and she would feel her stomach creep with shame.
Wanting or not, it was their fault these children were being prepared for war, being robbed of their childhood. They might have not placed the initial order for the commission of the clones, but they were continuing the production. The clones were their responsibility, and they were being raised in inhumane conditions just to die in someone else's war.
They sent her here in the first place, the council, after being asked by the republic to put one of their masters in charge of supervising clone production. They were going to listen to as many rants about how the entire production went against every possible aspect of what the Jedi believed and the basics of sentient decency, as Shaak felt that they needed to hear.
They knew everything that she knew, that it was wrong and inhumane, sometimes when she was back at the temple, she would feel the warmth of her home and her family once again, and she allowed the turmoil inside her to spill out. Master Plo Koon would stay with her when she cried about the squads that she authorized to be sent out just to have them never come back, about the clones decommissioned before they even got a chance to open their eyes for the first time.
Sometimes, just before her visit to the temple would end, she would feel the turmoil, shame and guilt creep back onto her, she would meet Master Windu in a quiet corner in the room of a thousand fountains, and they would sit together in silence and meditate.
She was taking a walk among the corridors of the Tipoca city facility, a now normal occurrence, she would give the kaminoans excuses about meditation and time to better interpret what the force told her, just to have some time of peace. They certainly didn't know anything about the Jedi or about the Force to disprove her.
She got attached to too many of them and had them not come back, she remembered every single one of them, she could no longer bear to spend time with the young cadets, or any of the clones for that matter. The news about Fives’ death got to her, the last one of the Domino squad. When he had pleaded with her, for her to believe him, she knew something was wrong, something dark was coming, and she was afraid they would not be able to stop it.
Shaak Ti was about to go back to the more populated area of Tipoca City, for an unscheduled meeting that they would definitely request her presence, when she felt it. The calming and soothing feeling she hadn’t felt since she was sent to supervise the clone production. Goosebumps ran from the tip of her lekku to her toes, the air felt cleaner, and she felt like a friendly hand touching her back guiding her somewhere.
She was guided from blanc corridor to blanc corridor until she arrived at an open area full of the “trees” with clones still on the tubes, she let the Force lead her to one in the center of the room, that was scheduled to be decanted soon. She closed her eyes to better concentrate on what the Force was trying to show her, she opened them and her eyes focused on the third baby in the fifteenth row in that particular tree.
She quickly typed the number into the computer to bring the baby closer to her level, she placed her hand in the glass, and the baby moved his head toward her, with his eyes still closed and his tiny hands in fists. She suddenly understood what the Force was trying to show her, that tiny child, still not old enough to be decanted and brought out into the world, shone like a light in a dark room in the Force.
“Oh, my dear.” she said, her hand caressing the glass “You truly are the most unexpected gift.”
Shaak Ti could already feel the panic creeping into her, he was force sensitive, this tiny child, in the middle of so much cruelty. She needed to get him to the temple, she would get one of the kaminoans to decant him, it was a little early but it wouldn’t make a difference, she needed to warn the council, this changed everything.
She could prove to the others the clones were sentient individuals, prove to the heartless that refused to lose their cannon fodder and fight their own battles that they were sending innocent people to war. They wouldn't be able to disprove her, if this tiny clone could be force-sensitive, like all other Jedi, to argue that they weren’t considered sentient was to argue against the Jedi themselves!
It was one hell of a loophole, extremely difficult to exploit, she thought it over, better leave the negotiating to Kanobi, plus he had his own personal interest in declaring clones sentients before the republic if the gossip rumor was to be believed.
For the first time since the beginning of the war, Shaak Ti felt like they had a fighting chance, this little one was to be taken to the temple, the knowledge brought before the Republic to stop clone production, they could fight their war by other means, they could lose for all she cared. She always believed that the Jedi should be impartial to these sorts of matters anyway.
She memorized the clone batch number, CT-2810, and went to look for a kaminoan doctor to decant him, some heads turned to look at her, she was almost running in the hallways and she couldn’t contain the little grin that spread across her face.
“Please, this particular trooper must be brought before the Jedi council, the Force tells me so” she added for good measure. “I need him to be decanted immediately.”
“Oh, I’m afraid you found a defective one. It was never our intention for you to see any flawed product, we usually catch ones like these before they can reach this state of development.” the doctor calmly stated, and continued. “It is unusual for ones like this to be found in a batch, but not unheard of, they have some sort of microscopic life form entrenched in their DNA, we attribute it to the genetic material being minorly hybrid with other humanoid species, after all, Mandalorians were known to be diverse.”
There had been other force-sensitive clones, the kaminoans concluded that the Midichlorians in their DNA were a genetic error, and they were decommissioned. They were murdered. She swallowed down the bile rising to her throat and forced herself to speak.
“This particular anomaly is common among Jedi.” she said, holding her hand tightly under the robe, and nervously glancing at the tubbie in question. “This is why I request him to be decanted and brought to the temple, it involves matters only our healers can know.”
“I am certain it would be better if a kaminoan doctor was sent with you, to at least partially analyze the process, for us to be better equipped if something similar ever happens.”
“I am sure this has nothing to do with the cloning process or the genetic material, but we could send a document with an explanation that you would be authorized to see after the clone has been seen by the healers.”
“A document? You will not be bringing the clone back?” Shaak could tell the doctor was getting annoyed with her the more they debated.
“I am afraid the process of the development of this particular life form is extended well into adulthood, it takes a person’s entire lifetime to be properly analyzed.” She couldn’t exactly explain midichlorians to a kaminoan cloner, that would result in disaster.
“If you insist.” the doctor said annoyingly “I will prepare the clone for decanting, it will be sent to you when it’s done.”
“I will accompany the process if you don't mind.” she couldn’t trust the doctor to not do something with the baby, she forced herself to appear calm and collected, and remained in the background watching the child being decanted.
Not a single cry was utter when the clone was decanted or when he was being dressed.
When it was done, the baby was given to her in a metal box resembling a baby carrier that didn’t look at all comfortable, the baby’s big golden eyes looked at her with curiosity from inside, when she gave him a reassuring smile as she took the carrier from the kaminoan’s hand the child turned to the side and went to sleep.
Shaak Ti requested a single-person ship to be prepared at the closest hangar and she took the baby to her room to get a few of her things.
“Don’t worry child, soon we will be at the temple and things will be different, and soon after that hopefully things will be different here too.” she said, finishing her bag and turning to the baby. “I can’t keep calling you child or baby, but names are important for your brothers, they are for you to choose for yourself, but if you don’t mind I could call you sunny, just for now, for you are the sun that brought some light in this dark place.”
She was caressing the baby’s cheek and he grabbed her finger, all his little body was smaller than her hand, how could someone so incredibly small be so precious?
“Do you like it?” the baby yawned, turning to sleep without letting go of her hand. “Sunny it is then.”