Chapter Text
The large crowds of extras were actively trying to get Katsuki to murder them as they refused to get out of his walking path. It irritated him like no other. Being dragged out by his entire class to the mall on their last week of break was already dampening his mood.
It was right before the start of their second year at UA and everyone wanted to last-minute shop for supplies because they were stupid enough to wait this long to do it. Katsuki had already got everything he needed weeks before, however they promised him free food and he was tired of cooking. Everyone had separated into groups and went off on their own. Due to the high amount of attention his class had gotten from civilians and villains, they were now required to have a teacher chaperone their trip. So their homeroom teacher and English teacher had agreed to go with them. Those two are off doing their own thing until someone fucks up or they somehow get attacked.
Katsuki was with his usual group consisting of Shitty Hair, Racoon Eyes, Dunce Face, and Tape Arms. Once everyone went off on their own, his group immediately went towards the biggest store they saw. He was 90% sure they wouldn’t get anything there and would just be messing around. He just knows today was going to be a long day, but it was too late to turn back now. So here he was, at the mall trying to resist the urge to walk away and hide somewhere quiet until lunchtime.
He didn’t necessarily hate hanging out with the group. After everything they’ve gone through in their first year, all of 1A –now 2A– has a bond that no other class could compare. Katsuki acknowledges their strengths and weaknesses and tolerates them a lot more now. Some would say they’ve helped calm Katsuki’s personality and he isn’t as intense as he was at the beginning of their first year.
Katsuki admits he was an asshole in middle school and the first year of high school. Being at UA helped teach him a few things that whipped him into being a better person overall. He would still get angry at people over certain stupid things though, but that’s not going to stop anytime soon. Anger management and therapy certainly helped his case even if he was reluctant at first, but the threats of expulsion helped with his agreement to go. Who knew showing other emotions besides anger would actually help him be a decent fucking human being. Talking about a certain someone to his therapist helped a lot in regards to how to deal with the regretful actions of his words. Knowing that he had caused the death of his childhood friend haunts him every night, but he’s slowly getting better at healing and accepting. Something deep inside of him knows he’ll never forgive himself, but he also knows he can’t keep it in the forefront of his mind for the rest of his life.
As Katsuki was deep in his thoughts, a loud squeal brought his attention back to the world around him.
“GUYS! Look at this super cute dog keychain! I need it!” Kaminari holds up a small keychain of a Pomeranian. “Doesn’t it look like a certain someone!” He holds it next to Katsuki’s head and flashes a cheeky grin towards the unamused blond as he glares at his idiot friend.
“Oh my gosh, that’s super hilarious!” Ashido laughs at the similarities.
Kirishima tries to throw his arm around Katsuki’s shoulder, but immediately gets pushed off by the grumbling blond. “Don’t be mad bro, being a Pomeranian is super manly!” Everyone laughs at the comment fully knowing what little sense that statement had.
“Fuck off.” He says and continues to ignore the group and their slightly annoying, but tolerable antics. He checks his phone for the time and sees that they’ve already been in the toy store for over half an hour.
“Aren’t you fuckers supposed to be buying shit for class, why are we still in here.”
“We can’t come to the mall and not go in here. It’s literally the biggest toy store in the city!” Ashido voices as she gestures to everything around her.
“You know what, just message me when you dumbasses are ready to eat.” He turns around ready to walk away.
“Aw bro, just walk with us! We’re almost done, I swear!”
Despite the protests of his friends, he continues to head towards the exit. They know not to follow him and he appreciates them not being too pushy.
He wasn’t paying much attention to the store earlier, but now that he looked around, it was amazing just how much merchandise there was for pro heroes. There were plenty of non-hero products in the store, but the majority was definitely of the top heroes of today. He decides to indulge a bit and look around for anything interesting. He walks through an aisle that was filled with plushies. An array of colors consumed his sight ranging from reds to yellows to blues and everything in between. On the left were regular things like random animals or cartoon characters. On the right was a wall filled with plushies of the current top ten heroes. They were sorted by rankings. As he kept moving, he’d name each one he passed by. Mirko, Edgeshot, Jeanist. He lightly slaps the number three hero plush and scoffs as he walks by remembering the first time he interned for him. The thought of wearing jeans again sent a shiver down his spine. He continues through the wall of plushies.
Hawks…
Endeavor.
The number one hero, Endeavor. After the downfall of All Might–which he still believes was Katsuki’s fault– Endeavor was automatically moved to the number one spot. He just knew the pro was not happy about that. Katsuki definitely wouldn’t have wanted to take that position when it was basically handed to him without any effort.
He grabs the plush and looks it in the eyes. A certified asshole. After he reluctantly learned from Icy-Hot how much of a shit person he actually was, he was ultimately kicked off the list of heroes Katsuki truly admired. Icy-Hot refused to use his fire side until his recklessness almost killed him. Katsuki had to beat some sense into him to use his fire, mostly to prove to Endeavor that he could use his fire and be a better hero than his shit of a father would ever be. Of course, he wasn’t going to beat Katsuki, but he would even the playing field. He knows that the hero was taking the initiative to be a better father now, but that didn’t excuse what he’s already done. Just like how nothing will excuse what he had done in the past.
If it wasn’t for UA, Katsuki believes he could’ve turned into that flaming bastard when he got older. A narcissistic asshole who only cared about winning. Sure, Katsuki still wants to win every fight and be the number one hero, but if only to prove to himself that it can be done, especially without being too much of an ass.
As he leaves the aisle and treads towards the exit, he catches familiar colors in the corner of his peripherals.
In the very corner of the store was a section of rare All Might collectibles protected against glass cases on full display. It was like a mini-museum to commemorate the former number one hero. It was bittersweet that he was separated from the other heroes as if he wasn’t relevant anymore, but what they have out makes him seem like the most real hero out of all of them. There were several action figures displayed in chronological order. He looked through them and right in the middle of the row was a limited edition silver age All Might action figure, the same one he had when he was a child. A wave of nostalgia hits him as he remembers playing heroes with the boy. They would be in the living room of his parent’s home waving the toys around, beating up imaginary villains. Katsuki would tell him not to worry because he always wins against the villains. And then with wide eyes filled with adoration, he would call Katsuki by that dumb kiddie nickname saying, ‘You’re amazing, K–
“Kacchan.”
Whipping around so fast, the sound of his neck cracking could be heard. His stomach drops through the floor. The hairs on his arms stand tall and a shiver goes down his spine. With wide eyes, Katsuki frantically looks around for the origin of the voice.
The sound of a soft-spoken teen, somewhat high and croaky tone.
The sound of an incomprehensible mutter that would drown out any other noise.
The sound of desperation and determination when it came to helping Katsuki even though he never needed it.
But most importantly, a sound that definitely shouldn’t exist anymore.
The only other person in the aisle was a middle-aged mom choosing between two toys possibly for her kid. His heart is beating frantically as his anxiety spikes from the possible hallucination he just had. Fuck, I need to get out of here.
Katsuki immediately followed the signs to the exit, avoiding eye contact with anyone until he left the store. Once he was out, he went straight to the nearest bench and dropped down leaning his head against the backing. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before sitting up and looking at his surroundings. He desperately tries to see if he would be able to catch sight of a head of green fluffy hair with eyes to match but doesn't notice anyone even remotely close to it. He did, however, make eye contact with Kirishima as they were finally exiting the store.
“HEY BAKUGOU! Did you wait for us?!” Shitty Hair yells out from across the way. He pauses for a second, noticing how off Katsuki seemed to look. He looked like he wanted to ask what was wrong, but decided against it knowing Katsuki wouldn’t talk about things with everyone together.
“Aw, you do care about us!” Dunce Face exclaims as he goes to sit next to Katsuki. “Do you want to see what I got?!” He starts to rummage through his bag, but before he could get a chance to take out the item, Katsuki gets up and starts walking toward the food court.
“Hurry up you damn kids, I’m hungry!”
“Me too! I need fooood!” Racoon Eyes whines out while catching up to Katsuki, followed by the rest of the gang. They continue talking about what their next destination will be after eating all while not noticing how on edge and twitchy Katsuki seemed to feel.
When they reached the food court, he sees the rest of his classmates and teachers spread out between tables already having their lunches. Luckily, it was just past the lunch rush so the area wasn’t as busy as it could’ve been. Good, he didn’t need more unnecessary noises coming from a bunch of extras.
They quickly choose their meals and sit down, joining Ears and Bird Brain at their table. Everyone was mostly talking about the things they bought or didn’t buy, but Katsuki chose to ignore them as usual. He did notice Shitty Hair glancing at him once in a while, but he chose to ignore that also. Especially since he doesn’t know how to explain that he hallucinated hearing the voice of his ex-childhood friend who he bullied into killing himself… Fuck . Katsuki’s going to need to schedule an emergency session with his therapist.
There wasn’t a day in his life when he didn’t think about the green-haired boy. That was just how it was. It’s a complicated fixation he can’t get over. There were times when he really felt like he was talking with him again, in a normal setting as if they never had a fallout. As if Katsuki was never the perpetrator of the other’s demise. He would be in his room, talking about his day, what he did in classes, the meals he had, and anything else he could think of to a silent figure that would look at him as if Katsuki was the whole world. He knew it was unhealthy and he knew it was just self-torture. Something about today’s encounter though, it felt different. More real. However, he had never gotten to the point of hallucinating his voice. He didn’t even think he remembered his voice, at least, not until today.
Just as Katsuki’s about done with his lunch, he feels someone’s eyes watching him from somewhere. He looks up and glares in the direction of Kirishima. However, he wasn’t the culprit this time. He looks around again through the tables where his classmates were and no one looked remotely interested in what Katsuki was doing. Then there it was, at the other side of the food court, a suspicious-looking person hiding by a pillar that was several tables away. Katsuki glowers at the individual.
The person comes more into view. A gleam of a familiar palette. Katsuki was shell-shocked, frozen in place with his eyes locked on the boy standing across the space. All he saw was green.
Young emerald eyes stared directly at Katsuki, unusually blank accompanied by a smile that held a hint of excitement. He waves.
Before he knew it, Katsuki was off his seat and sprinting towards the other, eyes never leaving the freckled face. Ignoring the shouts behind him. This time he knew he wasn’t hallucinating. That shit was real. He’s right there. He’s here. He’s alive . What the fuck .
Just as he was about to close the distance, there was a grip on his arm and Katsuki was yanked backward making him turn around with a fierce scowl meeting his teacher’s unamused gaze. He quickly turns back to face the other boy but is met with nothing.
“Where the fuck did you go, damn D-Deku?!” His eyes stared at the blank spot next to the pillar.
“Who the hell are you talking to Bakugou?”
“Deku!” he yells again, looking around as he pointedly ignores his teacher’s questioning.
“Bakugou.” Aizawa-sensei tries again, a warning in his tone.
Katsuki glowers in the direction of his teacher, “This is your fucking fault! If you didn’t grab me, I would’ve seen where he went! I was so close, he was right there! I could’ve–
“Bakugou, what are you talking about? There wasn’t anyone around here.”
“I fucking saw him! I’m not fucking crazy! Deku was standing right here, staring at me with his shitty green eyes!” Katsuki was panting and sweating. Blood was rushing to his head as his anxiety continued to rise. He felt like he was going to explode.
“Bakugou… Deku wasn’t here. It’s impossible and you know that.” Aizawa-sensei cautiously approaches him, but he’s too angry to do anything about it.
“I KNOW WHAT I SAW!” He screams, not caring about the crowd that was forming around the room. His fists were clenched so hard that his knuckles were white. It was getting more and more difficult to breathe as if the walls were closing in. He tries to suck in as much air as humanly possibe, but something was preventing the satisfaction of a full inhale.
His vision blurs and he vaguely hears someone talking to him, that’s right, his teacher was in front of him. He can feel him grab onto his shoulder in an attempt to ground Katsuki. He was losing control of himself in public. Fuck . He was better than this. He consciously follows his teachers movements in taking deep breaths and slowly returns to reality.
Once he had calmed down, he noticed the crowd had dissipated except for his classmates which surrounded the area from a distance. They looked like they wanted to come closer and help, but were afraid of Katsuki snapping again.
He slowly got up from the ground and looked his teacher in the eye. There were hints of concern in his otherwise apathetic gaze that made Katsuki feel ashamed and embarrassed. He had forgotten who and where he was for a second. It was like a switch was flipped and he was back in middle school running around shouting at everything and everyone, main prey being Deku. Sensei was right. It is impossible for Deku to actually be here. It was his mind fucking with him again. What was Katsuki thinking causing such a scene? He wasn’t. Stupid Deku.
“I’m leaving,” Katsuki announces.
“Not by yourself you’re not.” Aizawa-sensei informs, “Everyone should head back to the dorms for the day.” There was hushed murmurs throughout the students that gets interrupted by Katsuki,
“They don’t have to leave ‘cause of me, Sensei.”
“No, It’ll be more logical if everyone was to return after the ruckus earlier as it could’ve alerted villians to our outing.”
Katsuki grimaces at the implications of it being his fault. It was Deku’s fault really. Which was true, but it still sucked.
“Don’t worry listeners, we can come back and finish shopping later in the week if you still need to!” Present Mic chimes in.
It was a unanimous agreement that all the students were okay with leaving early. The students would be too concerned for Katsuki whether they were still here or not to be continuing their trip. He knows they care too much for him to even bother changing their minds so Katsuki begrudgingly agrees to leave together.
He pointedly ignores everyone that sends their concerned stares and walks alongside his teachers instead. At least they won’t make him talk until they were actually alone. Which will definitely be happening when they got back. Katsuki grumbles at the inevitable meeting he’d rather not have at the moment. Plus Aizawa-sensei already knows it has something to do with Deku. Which isn’t a good thing.
Katsuki wants to not think about what happened at the mall. He wants to not believe what he saw was or wasn’t real. He wants to not deal with any of this shit at all. But his fucked up mind has other plans and he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold it.
They silently make their way back to UA despite the growing feeling of uncertainty within Katsuki keeping his mind loud and disturbed and his vision full of a green that he wished wasn’t so bright and clear.