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Indoor boyfriend:
I had been sitting at that window for what seemed like one thousand days. I walked around the house, playing with my dog and playing Minecraft, but it still wasn’t enough. I needed someone to hang out with. Possibly…an outdoor boyfriend.
There was that one guy…The one from the park outside my house. Occasionally, I saw him outside while I stared out the window for hours. He always wore a black sweatshirt that was a size or two too big, and a couple of bracelets on his arm. He was there alone most of the time, but sometimes he came with another girl. They looked close..and my moment of daydreaming was over.
I have a girlfriend! I can’t be with him. Plus, that other girl is probably his girlfriend. He’s cute, sure, but I’m an indoor boyfriend. Even if there was a way to confess to him, I can’t go outside. My girlfriend would kill me! Plus, I don’t think he’s into dudes. I mean, I’m bi, but he looks straight. He’s always covered in dirt and his hair is always dirty. Straight men are the type to not shower.
My girlfriend is never home though…and would it be so bad, if just for a second, to visit the man? How would she know? It’s not like she has cameras around to keep me inside. God, how I long to see the sky again, how I want to lay down in the grass, how I want to play with ants outside, how I want to go outside and see the man, how I want to hold his hand and hug him and go home with him and maybe even…If just for a moment, even, kiss him.
Alas, I cannot. I swore to my girlfriend years ago that I would never go outside. I’m a loyal person, and I don’t want to suddenly change now. Imagine what she would think if she came home and I was gone! She’d be so upset with me…
But the feeling of needing to see him, the things I felt while I imagined hanging out with him, imagined what he could do… I can’t just ignore them. I have to say something to him. I have to take a risk. That’s what life’s about anyway, right? I’m sure my girlfriend won't mind if I open the window. I’m losing my indoor boyfriend mind in here.
And then it all hit me, once again. What am I thinking? He’s probably straight, and he has a girlfriend! And I can’t go outside! I wouldn’t be able to hold his hand, or go to his house, or run my fingers through his hair, or lay down with him, or feel every part of his body, satisfying the flame that burns within me whenever I see him- god, what am I thinking about?
The whole point of my girlfriend making me stay inside is so I don’t cheat! And now I’m having dreams about this man who I don’t even know? Maybe we can be friends. That’s it. Maybe we can just hang out, and he can come inside, and we can play Minecraft together, and maybe we cuddle while watching tv, and we swap shirts, and we kiss-
Who am I? What is this man doing to me? No. We’ll just be friends. Just two dudes, hanging out. Maybe we will go fishing. No, that wouldn’t work, I can’t go outside. And I hate mosquitos. Maybe we can play video games together. Yeah. We can play video games together and spend quality time with each other.
But not in a gay way. I promise. play video games and hang out and maybe sleep in the same room.
But not in a gay way. I swear.