Work Text:
“KER!!! Ker, I need you here right now!”
Kerry heard V screaming from upstairs, so he rushed up to the second floor of the loft as fast as his legs would take him. “V, what’s wrong?!”
V was cradling Nibbles gently in his arms. “Kerry, she’s so sick. I’m so scared.”
“Okay, V, let’s get her to the vet right now. I’ll call ‘em right away. What are her symptoms?”
The merc was gently rocking the cat back and forth as he held her close to him. The animal was at least well enough to give V a death glare as he cooed to the creature in his arms, so Kerry took that as a good sign. “She threw up. THREE TIMES.”
“Like blood or something?”
“No, her food! She never does that! And I just got her this new food that is supposed to be really good for her gut health. Oh shit, did I kill her? Did I buy her food that killed her?”
Oh for fuck’s sake, V was going to be the death of him. “V,” Kerry said slowly, as the merc was working up to a good panic attack at the moment. “Did you switch the food all at once?”
“Yeah Ker, oh fuck, I killed her, I killed Nibbles…”
“V, I need you to look at me and breathe.” V looked at Kerry, and the rocker had V mimic big, deep breaths until the mercs’ breathing slowed some. “She’s fine. She threw up the food because she wasn’t used to it. You’re supposed to slowly change the food over, not switch it all at once.”
“…So I didn’t kill Nibbles?” Nibbles, who had gamely put up with V holding her much longer than normal, showed how alive she was by biting V hard in his right hand. “Fuck, Nibbles, that hurt!”
Kerry laughed, then grabbed a cigarette out of his jacket and lit it. “I think she’s gonna survive. But if you scare me again like that, I will die of a heart attack.”
“Sorry Ker,” V said, looking down.
Kerry removed the cig from his mouth to kiss V gently. “Nah babe, it’s fine. Just sometimes you remind me that I’m in love with the biggest gonk in Night City.”
“Oh, I know I’m the biggest gonk in the city. Only the biggest gonk would put up with your ass.”
“Brat.”
“Diva.”
“Ha, I’m the diva? I wasn’t the one screaming at the top of their lungs a minute ago.”
V walked away from Kerry, flipping him double-middle fingers. “I’m going to find the cat. I like her more.”
“She just bit you!”
“Yuuuup. Says a lot about you, don’t it?”
“Oh, fuck off V,” Kerry said, smiling as his merc picked up the cat gently. And laughing his ass off when V got bit yet again.
“V, why the fuck are you up there?”
“I thought I saw a gun up here,” V called down to the street below.
“A fucking…we have guns at home!”
Even though V was four stories up, Kerry’s Kiroshis were good enough that he could see the merc roll his eyes. “But this could be a better gun.”
Kerry put his face in his hands. “V, we have a reservation in ten minutes. You can’t go jumping from rooftop to rooftop hoping you find a gun that is somehow miraculously better than the collection you’ve spent thousands of eddys on to mod out.”
“Fine,” V huffed, and with a jump dropped four stories.
“Fuck V, four fucking stories and you jumped down? Too good for the stairs?”
“You said we have ten minutes, and this is quicker.”
Kerry sighed like he was reconsidering every stupid choice that he made in his life to get to this moment. “I’ll cancel it. We’re going back home and ordering delivery. I can’t be seen in public with your stupid gonk ass.”
“Then the guy from the label asks me if there’s any way to make the next album more ‘mainstream.’ So I ask him what the fuck he means by that, and he says that they’re looking for songs that can play on both the rock and pop stations, a whole fucking album like the Us Cracks collab track. ‘Bout beat the man to death against the conference table. Told him if he wanted pop tracks he could sign some kleptopunk, but I would spend all day suntanning my taint in the Badlands before I make a pop album.”
Kerry expected some reaction out of V at the story, so he turned to see if the merc was listening to him. But he wasn’t even walking with him anymore. In fact, he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
“V!” Kerry yelled, panicking. “V!” Shit, what if someone took him? And right under Kerry’s nose!
“Over here Ker!” V yelled excitedly.
Kerry ran over to where V’s voice was coming from. “Shit V, you about gave me a heart attack!” V turned around, smile plastered on his face, holding an arm of…trash? “V, what the fuck is this shit?”
“Shit? No, no, no, no. Not shit Ker. This stuff is amazing! Do you know how much I can craft from this?”
Kerry stared at V, completely perplexed. “From three ashtrays, five decks of cards, and a vinyl?”
“Yes! I can use these to help make so many mods!”
“Fucking how?”
“I could explain it to you, but if we’re not talking about you or something you’re interested in, then you space out in two minutes. And this takes longer than two minutes to explain.”
“Bullshit V! I do not space out after two minutes!”
V rolled his eyes. “I timed it one day. That day Nance was over. Every time she’d talk about a new article idea, you’d zone out in almost two minutes exactly. It was honestly wild.”
“I am not so self-absorbed that I can’t listen to someone talk for more than two minutes! My ego is not that big!”
“It is exactly that big,” V replied with a grin. “But I still love you babe. I just am not gonna waste my time explaining how I make things.”
Kerry crossed his arms in defiance. “No, you definitely are. I can pay attention for more than two minutes.”
Kerry was right about that. He made it three minutes.
“Fuck V, you win! If it was possible to die of boredom Night City would be in mourning of its greatest rockerboy right now.”
“Ah yes, the one without a big ego.”
Kerry glared at V. “Fucking shut it. And hurry up and take that crap back to the car. Good thing we have your Caliburn today ‘cause I would not let that shit in the Aerondight.”
Kerry began walking towards the car but looked back at V when he heard the merc pick something else up. “Is that a fucking BURRITO?”
“Babe, it’s still sealed! It’s laying right here and it’s a perfectly good burrito!”
“If you think you’re bringing an alleyway burrito into our home you are insane.”
V smiled. “Nah, I was going to eat it in the Caliburn.”
Kerry started walking in the opposite direction of the car. “I’m calling Junior to take me home. And don’t even think I’m going to kiss you anytime soon if you eat that dumpster food.”
“But babe, this isn’t the first burrito I found, and you had no problem kissing me before.”
Kerry stopped in his tracks, breathing out the loudest sigh V had ever heard him make. “Nevermind having Junior take me home. I’m calling him to ask if he’ll run me over and end my misery.” Kerry started walking again, getting further away from V.
V reluctantly set the burrito back on the ground. He would try and return for it later. It was a really good burrito.
“Wait, Ker, come back!”
The man on the couch beside Kerry had taken down Arasaka single-handedly. Had defied death on three occasions. Was the head of the Afterlife, biggest merc and fixer in Night City. Mention that you know V to anyone in town and they leave you alone. He commands the respect of every gang, politician, and corpo in Night City.
He is also currently hiding under a blanket.
“V, come on! It’s just a movie!” A movie that was currently paused as the rocker tried to coax the merc into coming out from his cocoon.
“I’m sorry, were you not watching when she CAME OUT OF THE FUCKING TV?!”
Kerry was trying so hard not to laugh. He didn’t know how much longer he could go before he lost that battle. “Yes, I saw that too. It’s not that scary.”
“The lady answered her phone, the voice said ‘seven days’, then a week later the girl came out of the fucking TV, and I’m not supposed to be freaked out about that?”
Kerry sighed in exasperation. “V, this movie is older than me…”
“Nothing is older than you,” the blanket interrupted.
Kerry punched the blanket in the side, earning a yelp. “As I was saying, ‘The Ring’ is an old-ass movie, so how have you not seen it yet?”
“I don’t like torturing myself with this shit, Ker. How is this enjoyable?”
Kerry went to reply, but at that exact moment his holo rang.
“KERRY DON’T FUCKING ANSWER IT!”
V flew out of blanket and tossed the holo across the floor as far as he could. Kerry had fought valiantly against laughter, but in that moment, he was beaten. He erupted into hysterics as V stood up in a fighting stance and stared at the phone as if it was going to answer itself.
“Fuck…V…it’s just a…fucking movie…” Kerry said, trying to form a sentence in between his laughs. “My big bad merc…is afraid…of a fucking…holo phone…and a little girl!”
V huffed. He crossed his arms and pushed his bottom lip out, pouting. “Don’t make fun of me!”
Kerry struggled, but finally got his breathing and laughter under control. “Fine babe. But it may be the cutest thing about you.”
“Is not.”
Kerry stood up and wrapped his arms around V. “Is so.” He kissed V sweetly on the forehead. “But since you hate the movie, we’ll watch something else.”
V let out a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck. ‘Princess Bride’ okay?”
Kerry sat back on the couch and pulled V back down to sit beside him. He pulled the merc tightly against his side. “Sure. But next Afterlife party I’m telling Rogue about how much you love ‘Princess Bride.’”
The merc turned to glare at Kerry. “You better fucking not.”
The rocker laughed and kissed V. “Maybe I could be persuaded to keep it our little secret.”
They didn’t actually end up watching ‘The Princess Bride’ that evening, as convincing Kerry to keep the movie a secret was too much of a distraction. But hey, there’s always next week, Kerry thought, as he fell asleep cuddling against his big, bad, goofy, sweet, weird-ass (and very occasionally badass) merc.