Chapter Text
Breathe in. Now breathe out. Breathe. 1, 2, 3, 4…
Jisung sat in the studio. Alone. Not with Changbin. Not with Chan. Not with any other member. Alone at 1:38 am. Disheveled on the floor, hair falling over his eyes as he takes his hands up to cover them. All he needs is to shut his eyes. Stop them from letting out these tears. Stop them so he can calm down, so he can breathe.
He can’t breathe.
A ding. He takes a moment to find the noise. His phone left on the table vibrates slightly. Jisung was not stuck in his mind, for now. Right now, his goal was getting to that phone. With a slow pace, he lowered his hands, propping his body up just slightly to get onto his knees. From there he pushed himself up, one leg at a time till he was standing again. Despite him not being entirely present, he checks his phone. But, why did his phone catch his attention so desperately?
He wanted them. He wanted a single message asking about him, his condition, or if he could come home and be with them.
Of course not.
A social media notification. When pulled up, a video began playing, showing a 2Chan edit, showcasing various moments of Chan and Changbin being close and happy together on camera. What they showed on the camera is what they are like in real life. Just as soft, just as cuddly, just as close. Not as close with Jisung though. He would never have their closeness, not with anyone else, and not with them. He wouldn’t ever have them like him back, it’s too much it’s–
Jisung almost chucks his phone into the monitor screen, before choosing to turn and throw it at the couch behind him. He can’t see them like that right now. He needs time. He sighs before setting himself back in the chair, taking a glance at the digital clock hung above their door.
2:04 am.
“Uh oh.”
–( <\0n0/> )–
He made his way back to the dorm. He’s been told to never go home alone, especially late, but he wouldn’t dare bother a manager this late. Trudging up the stairs, he approached his door, fiddling with his key to unlock the door without notifying the members by trying to use their keypads. Stepping inside, he took his shoes off, attempting to avoid any noise; he was met with the same response, though. Just a lack of noise. Of course: the members were getting healthy rest while Jisung was sobbing his soul out in the studio on his lonesome. He knew he should shower, but he also thinks that he could honestly care less at this time. He walked down the hallway before stopping.
Chan’s room.
He knew he’d regret doing it, but that didn’t stop him.
Turning the knob slowly, he pulled the door open, only to find all that he was expecting. The two held each other tight, keeping themselves warm. With the small light coming from the hallway, he could tell that even in their sleep, they were smiling. They were happy. Without him.
There was so much Jisung could do: Wake them up and tell them how he truly felt, express what he was truly feeling just to get some sort of reaction. Return to his bed, only to cry into his pillow for another two hours. Start avoiding them entirely over the next few days to hopefully get over his stupid feelings that will never be reciprocated.
But he stood. And stared. And he decided that he was going to be drastic.
He was going to tear his own heart apart, just to end the pain.
He took one final glance at their innocent disposition and went to slowly close the door again. He didn’t want to wake Jeongin in their room, so he settled for the couch.
His thoughts ran past him as he formulated his plan to get over them.
They were happy without him, so maybe he is the problem that needs to be fixed.
He decided that from that point onwards, he would force himself to watch them fall in love and be connected beyond life's boundaries. And he was going to say nothing but offer them support. Even if it hurt so badly.
Oh, how fatal of an idea was it.
And as the exhaustion began to kick in, he felt his breathing begin to calm itself.
He’s starting to inhale.