Archive of Our Own

"Hey Jungwon, do you have a minute?" 

Jungwon blinks at the girl accosting him in the hallways. His eyes wander to the notebook she holds in her hands and then back to her nervous expression and forced grin. 

Aw shit.  

He sighs, and matches her grin with a forced one of his own. 

Sometimes, being Jay's best friend can be kind of tiring. 

Not in the way that spending time with Jay is tiring — don't get him wrong, Jungwon loves to spend time with Jay. Whether it's hanging out at his house and doing homework together after school or trying out some new cafe for Jay's Instagram, Jungwon cherishes each and every second of just simply being around him and basking in his undivided attention. It's nice. Jungwon wouldn't trade it for the world.

However, it's the unexpected responsibilities that come with being Jay's best friend that Jungwon is inevitably saddled with that get exhausting, to say the least. 

Case-in-point: messenger pigeonry.

Having known him for roughly 10 years now, Jungwon is the only person (in the entire school, it seems) who speaks the finicky language of Park Jay. Most people take one look at his sharp eyes and downturned mouth and immediately decide that he’s too scary to talk to. 

Jungwon’s soft cheeks and feline eyes that curl do not achieve the same effect, so he’s the one people default to most of the time. 

He can’t even begin to count on a single hand the number of times people have accosted him at some point in the day to relay a message for Jay, or worse, expect a response through him — as if they couldn’t have just texted Jay themselves if they were too scared to talk to him in person. 

The oddest occasion so far involved Park Sunghoon, a dish of spicy enchiladas, and a formal invitation to the ice-skating rink as his fake boyfriend to make his crush jealous. 

Yeah, Jungwon doesn’t quite know how he got out of that one either. 

But at the end of the day, Jay really isn't a difficult person to talk to. 

At his very core, Jay is honest. 

He's exceedingly sincere; he always keeps his promises and is honest about his feelings. He’s blunt in a way that some may find rude, choosing to speak candidly instead of beating around the bush. Direct and to the point. 

He points out the obvious and makes jokes that border on unfunny, but he's hilarious when he isn't trying. He's warm to those he cares about and frosty to those he doesn't, but his heart is big enough to care for most anyway. He shows his love in odd ways: he fusses, he nags, he scolds, and he knows. 

Truly, really knows you — what you like, what you don't, what’s important to you and what’s not — who you really truly are. 

However, for all his kindness, Jay often comes across a little frigid, a little scary to some. To others, overbearing. To a small minority, attractive. Jungwon does not belong to this small minority. 

To their classmate currently standing in front of Jungwon, gripping the notebook so tightly her knuckles have turned white, it's probably the first one on the list.

He breathes out slowly through gritted teeth. This is the price of good friendship, he reminds himself, Do it for Jay and all the curry he’ll owe you after this.

"Hey Yurim, yeah, I’ve got some time to spare. What's up?" 

Mentally, Jungwon clasps his hands and prays to the heavens that this won't take very long. He’s really not enjoying this, probably to the same extent as Yurim, because as much as this is a Jay-related situation, he also has a Jay-related problem of his own to tend to, a roughly 180cm-tall issue that needs to be tended to swiftly and quickly before it becomes an inconsolable pain, which Jungwon thinks will be much harder to deal with than whatever she has come to him for. 

Unexpectedly, Yurim blushes. "Um– you see– I wasn't intending to pry, of course, it wasn't my intention to see it or find out anything, because I know Jay's a really private person and everything–" 

Jungwon furrows his eyebrows in confusion. 

"–but I just wanted to ask if you could give this back to him for me? And that I'm sorry I read whatever he was writing! I didn't mean to! It was just there, in the middle of his notes about Antonio's devotion to Bassanio, and I couldn't help but continue reading because it was really sweet but also kind of poetic–" 

Now, Jungwon has no idea who Antonio and Bassanio are, but this conversation is rapidly devolving and moving in a completely different direction than what he had originally expected, and frankly, it's beginning to weird him out a little. He squints at Yurim, who is now holding the notebook in front of her like it's a shield between her and Jungwon and pointedly refuses to meet his eyes, which only serves to baffle him more. 

"Hold on Yurim," he interrupts, "What are you talking about?" 

She blinks at him with wide eyes and proceeds to shatter Jungwon's entire world into a million, tiny  little fragments. 

"You don't know?" She flips the book open to a page and stabs a carefully manicured finger to the text printed in Jay's neat, blocky handwriting. "His love letter. Right here." 

Jungwon stands, stunned. "A love letter?" Everything he knows is a lie. 

Yurim falters. "He didn't tell you?" 

“No,” he says distantly, “I guess he didn’t.”

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

In light of this new, soul-crushing information, Jungwon is left at odds of what to do. 

For a good few minutes after Yurim left, he had stayed standing at the same place, body frozen and unmoving while his thoughts raced a mile a minute. He doesn't have a single clue as to what to do next. He doesn't even know what to make of the situation, much less what he's going to tell Jay and how he's going to return the notebook to him. 

He glares at the offending object. Curiosity bites at his conscience and tempts him to open the book, but ultimately, Jungwon is a good friend, and he will respect Jay's privacy. 

Clearly, Jay must not have wanted anyone reading it, which is why he wrote it in the margins of his Shakespearean notes. Why he wrote it down at all is honestly still a mystery to Jungwon, but what he does know is that he cannot afford to deal with his Jay-related problem right now, where he is prone to blurting out every stray thought running through his mind at an unsuspecting, unprepared Jay — something that is likely to cause him to clam up rather than open up about his problems.

No, he's not going to be able to meet him at the moment. 

(Though, really? Not telling Jungwon about it? Uncool. Seriously uncool.) 

So here's what Jungwon chooses: He shoots Jay a half-hearted text to cancel on their lunch plans and receives 2 crying emojis for his trouble, followed by a 'u ok? u can tell me abt it later' text which frankly, doesn't do much to make him feel better. Then, he sprints as fast as his legs will carry him to the school roof, where he knows Heeseung and Jake are hanging out to blatantly flout the school rules in the name of teenage love.

There is a moment where he hesitates in front of the door to the roof, reluctant to crash the date they are obviously on, but the worry is quickly banished with a quick shake of his head. Whatever. They have one practically every day anyway. He'll feel bad about it later. 

Anyway, he has way more pressing things to worry about at the moment. 

"I need your help," He announces loudly as soon as he pushes the door open. It releases a resounding thwack as it makes contact with the cement wall. It's both to get Heeseung and Jake on track immediately and to also make sure they're not doing anything he doesn't want to see. Jungwon's had enough stress for the day. 

"Uh," Jake says, "No, Jungwon, you aren't interrupting anything." It doesn't have any bite behind it though, and he willingly releases Heeseung's hand from his for the latter to open his arms to receive an armful of sulky Jungwon. 

"Ignore him Won, he's just grumpy that the soccer field's still closed for maintenance," Heeseung laughs. "What's wrong? What do you need?" 

Faced buried into Heeseung's blazer, Jungwon can only let loose a string of garbled noises as he waves Jay's notebook around in the air. 

Jake plucks it from his fingers. "Sweet! Jay's notebook!" And unlike him, begins flipping through the pages without a single regard for Jay's privacy. Then, he frowns. "Is this a love letter? Right in the middle of the gay subtext of Antonio and Bassanio's relationship?" 

For the third time that day, Jungwon sighs, and goes limp in Heeseung's arms. 

Later, when Heeseung has gently taken the book away and skimmed through its contents while Jake stops laughing at The Letter, Jungwon sits cross-legged across from them and waits for them to deliver their verdict. 

They're the only people who 1. have experienced the epic highs and lows of a highschool love story and can therefore tell Jungwon what to do, and 2. know Jay well enough to tell Jungwon what not to do. 

In all honesty, for matters like these, Jungwon would much rather speak to Jay. He’s a very good listener and never fails to validate his feelings, having achieved the perfect Jungwon-specific blend of comfort and practical advice that has helped him through many tough times before. 

It really is unfortunate then, that the only person that Jungwon wants to speak about Park Jay with, is Park Jay himself. 

Heeseung shuts the notebook and places it on the floor. 

“I bet the letter sucks,” Jungwon says. 

"Yurim's right though," Heeseung replies unhelpfully, "It is pretty poetic." 

Jake makes a noise of agreement from where he's shifted to lay his head on Heeseung's lap. "Mostly homo though." He frowns to himself. "Homopoetic? Is that a word?"

Huh. “It’s for some guy?” Jungwon asks incredulously. 

“You didn’t read it?” Heeseung glances at him. “Even after everything Yurim preached about its literary quality?” 

“It is oddly good,” Jake says, “It reads like one of those old-timey sonnets. Thou art, thee hast. He probably spent a lot of time on it too.” 

"No, I didn’t, I thought it might be something private– but that’s not the point,” Jungwon whines. His voice sounds grating even to his own ears. "The point is that Jay didn't tell me about this crush of his! And we've never had any secrets between us, ever!" 

"Jungwon," Heeseung sighs mournfully, "Jay's entitled to his secrets too. You can't tell me that there's nothing you've ever, well, not told him." 

And yeah, he may be right about that. 

It’s not the lack of transparency that bothers him, really. There are some things that Jungwon hasn't told Jay, and he's sure it's the same the other way around as well.

But he’s always been Jay’s go-to man — the first, and sometimes the only one, to know what he’s thinking or feeling in any given moment. In return, Jungwon bares his soul to him, lays all his secrets and fears and embarrassing thoughts out on the silver platter of honesty that their friendship is founded upon. 

It's just the way they've always been. Jungwon likes that he knows everything about Jay and likes that Jay knows everything about him. 

The truth is, he doesn’t like that Jay feels as though he has to hide something like this. Does he trust Jungwon less? Or something? It’s just a stupid love letter — it’s not as if he hasn’t seen and supported him through countless crushes or failed relationships through the years. 

He even knows about the embarrassing crush Jay once had on Heeseung, though that had fizzled out rather quickly into their friendship, after he had actually gotten to know the guy. He wasn’t Jay’s type or whatever, or so he claimed. 

What bothers Jungwon is — what makes this one so different? 

He voices this out to Heeseung and Jake, the latter looking a bit like he’s having a stroke, with the way his face seizes up and goes through at least twenty different expressions before twitching into an almighty grin that promises nothing good. 

“So, you’re not bothered that Jay kept this from you,” Jake begins slowly, holding up a hand to stop Jungwon’s indignant spluttering, “You’re bothered that he kept this love letter from you.” 

Jungwon throws his hands in the air. “I– maybe? What difference does it make?” 

“The difference is in the fact that it’s a super romantic love letter, Won-ah.” Jake looks far too pleased with himself. “10/10 hella pining. Super gay.”

Jungwon’s heart nearly stops. “You think… I have an issue with it because… it’s gay?” 

Heeseung exchanges a frantic look with Jake. “Jungwon, that’s not–” 

“I’m not homophobic.” Frankly, Jungwon’s extremely horrified that Jake would even go so far as to suggest that. “I can’t be homophobic, I’m gay.” 

“Well congratulations,” Jake says, looking absolutely unsurprised, “Not the point I was going for, but I’m glad it’s out there, somehow?” 

“Do you think Jay thinks I’m homophobic?” 

A sense of dawning horror is beginning to creep up on Jungwon. The odds of that situation are extremely slim and close to none at all, but Jay has a tendency to occasionally fall asleep in the middle of conversations if he is tired enough, and if there is the slightest possibility that he fell asleep while Jungwon was coming out to him, it would explain his weird reluctance to tell Jungwon about his love letter. 

“What? Jungwon, don’t be stupid,” Jake grimaces, “The reason why that bothers you so much is–” 

Heeseung slaps Jake’s arm. “Let him figure it out by himself,” he scolds, “It’s no fun if you tell him everything.” He turns to Jungwon. “Maybe you should speak to him about this.” 

“What do I even say?” Jungwon looks down at his lap miserably. “Hey hyung, I don’t like that you didn’t tell me about your super gay love letter that you wrote after you were apparently possessed by the ghost of Shakespeare himself?” 

Jake winces. “Maybe– maybe not like that. That sounds kind of mean, actually.” 

“We want honesty, right Jungwon?” 

Heeseung flips the notebook shut and passes it back to him. 

“Why not start here?”

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

Life, as Jungwon has observed, tends to work in some really funny ways. 

After the talk with Heeseung and Jake, he’d been promptly shooed out of their date spot and sent off to the cafeteria to scrounge whatever they had left to sell. On the way down the stairs to the second floor, he bumps into Jay, whose expression morphs from surprised to faintly pleased. 

“Hey Jungwon,” he greets, hands immediately fumbling for his pockets. It hasn’t been long since he last saw him (they actually walked to school together), but Jungwon’s struck dumb by his hair of all things, as if noticing its length for the very first time.

In fact, there’s a lot about him that he feels as if he’s seeing anew — the way Jay’s hair looks exceptionally soft in the afternoon light, the way his long, artfully-tousled hair falls into his eyes, how nice his hands look brushing it away from his face — it’s as if Jungwon’s only just noticing how pretty he is. 

His face colours. 

Jay? 

Pretty?

“I got you a little something since you weren’t there at lunch.” Jay finally fishes a small candy bar out of his pocket and presses it into his hand. It’s got mini Eevees printed all over it, and it’s so overwhelmingly cute that Jungwon consciously bites down on his lip to suppress a scream. 

“It’s your favourite, and I thought you might be hungry.” 

As if on cue, his stomach rumbles. 

At Jungwon's answering flush of embarrassment, Jay laughs, and pulls back the candy bar to open it for him to eat instead. 

“Thanks hyung,” Jungwon mutters, taking a big bite out of it. Jay watches him eat with a satisfied expression on his face, before his eyes flick down to the notebook in Jungwon’s hands. 

“Why do you have that?” 

“This?” Jungwon startles. “Yurim passed it to me. She wanted me to return it to you.” 

Jay whistles. “That’s oddly good timing. I have Lit next period. Sorry to make you do all this, Won-ah. I don’t know why she wouldn’t just give it to me herself.” 

He shakes his head and moves to grab the book back. In that split second, Jungwon finds himself hesitating. 

He tugs the book back at the last second and Jay misses it, stumbling forward a little due to the momentum of his movement. “Wha–”

“Hyung,” Jungwon begins, and hates the way his voice shakes, “Why’d you write a love letter in the middle of your notes about Shakespeare?” 

Jay freezes. 

“A love… letter?”

It’s almost comical, the way his eyes widen in alarm, or fear, or shock. Jungwon can’t really tell the difference, but he assumes it must be a healthy mix of all three. 

“Did you read it?” Jay asks, trying to sound confident. He stuffs his hands into his pockets in a show of faux-nonchalance, but Jungwon sees the nervous tremor that passes through his shoulders. 

“Did you want me to?” 

Jay hesitates. There’s a tension in the air that wasn’t there before, crackling and dangerous like a livewire that could be tripped just by saying the wrong thing. He averts his eyes and rubs at his neck. “Well–” 

“–I didn’t,” Jungwon interrupts breathlessly. “In case you were worried, that is. I– I didn’t read it. Anyway.” 

“O-oh.” Jay frowns, looking more confused than anything. “Okay then. Um. Could I have my notebook back now? I really do need it for class.” 

“Uh– uh yeah, sure.” Jungwon shoves the book into Jay’s chest hurriedly and throws a quick goodbye over his shoulder, flying down the staircase two steps at a time in his haste to get away from the awkward situation. He resolutely ignores the sound of Jay calling his name and the panic bubbling in his chest as he goes. 

It’s never been weird between them. 

Never. 

But earlier, in the stairwell, when faced with Jay’s unreadable expression, Jungwon had felt his skin crawl with the telltale pinpricks of awkwardness, and immediately knew that he had to get out of that situation before he said something he didn’t want or necessarily mean. Or worse, hear something he didn’t want to hear. 

Finally having reached the cafeteria and made sure that he wasn’t being followed on the way there, Jungwon finally slows to a stop and breathes, closing his eyes and allowing his head to thunk solidly against the walls.

Mentally, he curses at Heeseung for his stupid idea, and then a heartbeat later, at himself too for stupidly listening to the stupid idea. 

Talking to Jay hadn’t solved much; in fact, it unearthed a lot more questions than Jungwon had to begin with. Why was Jay afraid that Jungwon knew about the letter? What did the letter say? Why didn’t he want Jungwon to read it? 

And even more confusingly, why did he seem like he wanted Jungwon to have already read it? 

Jungwon sighs. 

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

The school day passes by in a drunken daze for Jungwon, who cannot keep his mind off the Love Letter, as Jake had oh-so-fondly dubbed it. 

He’d failed to pay attention in all of his classes, his mind choosing to instead overanalyse the short interaction he’d had with Jay earlier in the day in a valiant attempt to sift for clues to puzzle out the overcomplicated mess that this had become. 

Sourly, Jungwon thinks to himself that it would’ve been better if Yurim had just passed the book back to Jay himself and left him in the dark, but then it wasn’t quite Yurim’s fault that Jay always seems unapproachable even on the good days, and the fault of the matter cycled back to the one person that kept invading Jungwon’s thoughts anyway — Park Jay. 

He was so out of it that when his teacher had called on him to answer a math question, he’d answered with a garbled mess of words that ran along the lines of ‘potassium chloride-Harper Lee-the Cold War-1978’ something something, and was promptly sent to stand outside with his hands on his ears as if it was his fault that his best friend had written a love letter instead of focusing on Antonio and Bassanio’s possibly-homosexual relationship in the middle of Literature class. 

So when the bell finally rings, Jungwon sweeps everything on his table into his bag with a loud and unceremonious clatter, bows hurriedly to his frazzled teacher, and books it out the door as fast as his legs will carry him. 

He has only one destination in mind — Heeseung’s house. 

Even though the whole fiasco with talking to Jay was Heeseung’s no-good-very-terrible-absolutely-awful idea, Jungwon begrudgingly admits that he is the only one out of his incredibly small social circle with enough logical sense to actually give him rational advice that he can use. 

Heeseung it is. 

Getting into Heeseung’s house is easy. 

He toes off his shoes at the front door and greets his mom with an enthusiastic bow. A brief flash of his dimples and a throwaway mention of how bad his day has been has Mrs Lee ushering him into the house and seating him at the dinner table with a steaming bowl of her chicken soup deposited in front of him. 

Jungwon spends the next hour or so like that, spooning soup into his mouth and listening to Mrs Lee talk. She’s about to break out Heeseung’s embarrassing baby photos when the man himself gets home, and promptly screams like a banshee at the sight of Jungwon and his mother sitting side-by-side with identical grins of mischief on their faces.

“What are you doing here!” Heeseung shrieks, flying across the threshold to snatch the album away from Jungwon’s prying eyes. “How did you even get here faster than me?” 

“I didn’t have any distractions,” he shrugs, “And I was hungry. Mrs Lee makes the best soup.” 

Then, grinning impishly, Jungwon raises his phone to Heeseung’s face: 

“You were a pretty funny-looking baby.” 

Heeseung’s face contorts into a look of sheer outrage, but before he can do anything too drastic like giving Jungwon a good smack, his mother stops him with a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“Jungwon, I’m sure you didn’t come all the way down here just to drink soup and talk to an old lady,” Mrs Lee says, ignoring his protests and hiding her smile behind her hand, “Why don’t you both head on to his room first and chat? I’ll bring up some fruits for you both soon.” 

Begrudgingly, Heeseung lowers his hand and starts off towards his bedroom, beckoning for Jungwon to follow. Jungwon quickly bows again to Mrs Lee and mutters his thanks before speeding after him. 

As soon as the door closes behind them, Heeseung ushers Jungwon onto a beanbag he affectionately calls his ‘Therapy Chair’, which is where he tends to hold soul-searching conversations with his friends who need it. 

Heeseung flops onto his own bed, socks and all. “I’ll take it that the conversation didn’t go so well?” 

Jungwon wrinkles his nose. “Yeah, no, it was basically a disaster.” 

He starts to recount what happened, pausing only to accept a plate of strawberries from Mrs Lee halfway through his story, beginning from running into Jay on the staircase to the Pokemon-themed candy bar to Jay’s honestly pitiful attempt at grabbing the book to finally concluding with him running away. 

Heeseung takes a moment to process the information. 

“That,” he says slowly, “Was indeed a disaster.” 

“I know!” Jungwon wails, pitching forward into the floor. “Why did you even tell me to talk to him?” 

“I wasn’t expecting you to go and ask him why he wrote the letter!” Heeseung retorts. “What were you expecting him to say? Why else do people write love letters?! They’re obviously planning on confessing sometime soon!” 

“Look, I don’t understand a single thing about anything that’s going on,” Jungwon says, mostly to Heeseung’s carpet, “It’s just– it’s just confusing, okay? Sure, maybe he’s got someone he likes, but he wouldn’t confess without telling me first.” 

“What if he couldn’t tell you? Did you consider that?” Heeseung sits up. “Do you even know who the letter’s addressed to?” 

Jungwon pauses. No, he… doesn’t. 

“I didn’t read the letter.” 

“Not even the ‘To: someone’ portion of it? Even after that whole conversation Jake and I had with you?” Heeseung shakes his head. “You’d make a terrible spy.” He shifts on his bed until he’s facing Jungwon with his hands hanging off the bed. “Okay, okay, answer this instead: why didn’t you read it?” 

“Like I said already, that would be an invasion of his privacy!” Jungwon retorts hotly. “I can’t do that to Jay.” 

Heeseung snorts. “Try again.” 

“What do you mean ‘try again’,” Jungwon curls his fingers to mime air-quotes aggressively, “That is as true as the truth can possibly get.” 

“No it’s not,” Heeseung insists, “Think about it. What’s the real reason you didn’t want to look at the letter? You could’ve looked at it the first time, but you didn’t, because you wanted to respect his privacy, which is fair — but even after Jake and I made such a fuss about it? And I could tell you really wanted to know what it said too, so don’t even try to lie to me and say that you didn’t, Yang Jungwon!” 

“There really is no other reason,” he refutes stubbornly, “You know how he gets about his privacy.” 

“I do, but you and I both know that has never applied to you.” Heeseung fixes Jungwon with a knowing stare. “Think of it this way. What if it were Sunoo?” 

“If Sunoo were me?” Jungwon asks blankly.

“No, if it were Sunoo’s notes and Sunoo’s love letter. Would you have read it then?” 

Jungwon is just about to tell Heeseung that no, that’s crazy, that’s an invasion of his privacy too, of course I wouldn’t have read it, but then he stops. Pauses. Thinks to himself for a little bit. 

The blood drains from Jungwon’s face. 

One of the lesser known facts about Sunoo is that he’s a very private person. 

Sure, he’s friendly and is good at holding conversation, but he’s good at saying everything and yet nothing at all. You could know his favourite colour (pink, blue, mint like mint chocolate), his favourite ice cream flavour (mint chocolate), his childhood dream (Disney prince), but you’d find yourself not knowing the things that really matter, like the things he finds important in life, the people who matter to him, and what he really thinks of you. 

He simply doesn’t like people knowing these sorts of things about him until he wants them to know. Sunoo likes having that kind of control over his life. Arguably, he’s an even more private person than Jay is, and Jungwon knows that for a fact. 

Yet, Jungwon realises with horror, under different circumstances, there would have been zero hesitation on his part to snatch the notebook from Yurim and to memorise the damn thing, at which point, he would have made a beeline for Sunoo to rub it in his face. 

And definitely poke fun at him as well in front of all of their gathered friends.

Good God, Jungwon thinks, Am I just a shitty person?  

“Alright,” Heeseung says gently, as if sensing Jungwon’s newly-established inner turmoil, “So, why didn’t you read Jay’s letter?” 

“I didn’t want to.” 

“Okay,” he acquiesces, “Why?” 

Jungwon lowers his head back into the carpet. He doesn’t really have an answer to that; he just knows that it didn’t feel right doing it, and he really, really didn’t want to. 

When he’d first found out about the love letter, the first thing his stomach did was to plummet all the way down to his toes, and then some more. As he asked Jay about the letter and he’d responded so oddly, Jungwon’s heart had squeezed uncomfortably like a tightly wound gyral in his chest, and he just knew he had to get out of there. 

He can’t even bear to think about what Jay could possibly feel so guilty about. 

Jungwon sighs again. He’s been doing it a lot today, for various reasons all at various times of the day, but this is the heaviest one he’s heaved in a while. 

He’s got a lot to think about in the comfort of his own room. 

“I don’t like where this conversation is going,” he sulks, and Heeseung laughs so hard he topples off his bed and hits his nose on the bedframe.

“Come downstairs,” he says once he’s confirmed that his nose isn’t broken, “I’ll make you some ramen to get your mind off things.” 

But even with his stomach full of Heeseung’s (frankly) incredible ramyeon followed by the sweetest strawberries he’s ever tasted in his life, Jungwon does not manage to ‘get his mind off things.’ 

His thoughts just wander to Jay — the way he takes the time to find recipes and cooks special meals for the milestones in Jungwon’s life that he doesn’t even celebrate, the way he sits and rambles about the food he’s made and the things he’s learnt as Jungwon eats, the way he serves Jungwon food before he serves himself; 

Just Jay, and his soft eyes, and his soft hair, and his soft smile, and his soft laughter—

Jungwon’s head slams onto the table.

Heeseung picks up his chopsticks and quietly helps himself to Jungwon’s noodles.

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

The thing is, Jungwon’s not an oblivious person. He’s just good at compartmentalising. 

For a while now, he’s caught his heart swelling with affection at the most inopportune moments when he’s spending time with Jay, or just the stray thought of ‘ God, he’s so attractive ’ flitting around his mind for the dumbest of reasons. 

He’d chalked it up to growing pains each time and put it from his mind, determined not to let his emotions get in the way of a perfectly good friendship; but he’s always known, he thinks. He just didn’t want to admit it. 

It’s a secret to no one, Jungwon included, that he’s fonder of Jay compared to the rest of his senior friends. This is, in part, due to growing up with him — there is a part of Jungwon that will always love the small, curly-haired Jay with the wide eyes and gap-toothed grin that he chased through playgrounds, traded secrets under starry skies, and shared ice cream with in the beautiful panorama of their childhood.  

But most of Jungwon loves the Jay of today, so different from his youth and yet, unwaveringly, stubbornly, the same. 

The Jay of today who Jungwon loves is someone who wakes up earlier in the morning to show up at Jungwon’s house to walk with him to school because he knows he’s afraid of the dog down the street, is someone who reads up on folk remedies and treatments for muscle pain knowing how Sunghoon’s back gives him trouble after particularly gruelling training sessions. 

He’s someone Jungwon has always admired for his heart, because he is someone who loves fiercely and selflessly and gives his all for that which he loves, and yet, still finds more within him to keep on giving. He is everything that Jungwon is not. 

If it were any other person, Jungwon thinks he’d probably feel inferior or something, retreat into himself and fall into a cycle of self-deprecation until someone pulls him out of that funk and helps him recentre himself. 

With Jay, Jungwon has never felt more alive . 

There is something about him that turns the blood in Jungwon’s veins to molten gold, flowing and thrumming with a lifeforce that he’s never discovered for himself. With Jay, he can’t help but want to be better. With him, for him; it’s never mattered to Jungwon. All that matters is that when Jay reaches out his hand, he takes it with zero hesitation. When he reaches for the stars, Jungwon, too, strains for the heavens. 

Jungwon scrubs a hand over his face. 

So, yeah. Maybe Jungwon is part of that small minority who finds Jay attractive. 

Fuck.

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

“Let me get this straight–” 

“–Well, if you think about it, there’s actually nothing straight about this–” 

“Niki, if you don’t shut the fuck up right this very moment, I will not hesitate to filet you like raw fish.” 

Sunoo fixes him with as intimidating a glare as he can muster, before closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, exhaling noisily in exasperation.

“As I was saying, you called us all here at eight on a Saturday morning, saying it was an ‘emergency’, which just so happens to be the sudden resurfacing of the crush you’ve had on Jay hyung for years, but simply didn’t notice?” He opens a single eye to glare at Jungwon, who shrinks back into his pillows.

“I’ve noticed,” Jungwon protests lamely, twisting his fingers in his blankets, “I just– Uh. Well. I just didn’t think about it.” 

“Do you even think?” Sunoo hisses. “Are you even capable of rational thought?”

Jungwon opens his mouth to answer but Sunghoon beats him to it. 

“Ignore him, he’s just tired and hasn’t had his morning coffee.” Sunghoon grabs Sunoo under the arms and he goes boneless like a cat, and allows himself to be rearranged to fit snugly in his boyfriend’s hold. “You know we’d show up to help you anytime but 8AM is a little…” 

“It’s an emergency,” Jungwon says sullenly, “It’s not like I can ignore Jay hyung until I figure out what to do.” 

“When are you seeing him again?” Niki asks, shoving his socked feet on Jungwon’s bed. On account of the fact that he is here to help him with his romantic woes, Jungwon will let this one slide. Just this once. 

Jungwon squints at the clock on the wall. “Less than three hours from now.” 

Niki stares at him for a moment. “Okay,” he says, “Much less time than I thought.” 

“It’s okay,” Heeseung says, clapping his hands together. “Plenty of time to help Jungwon figure out what to do.” He pauses, glancing quickly at Jungwon. “Um. What is it you want to do?” 

“I want to confess to Jay hyung.” 

No sooner have the words left his mouth does Jungwon let out a large exhale, feeling some of the tension drain out of his body. He had already decided to do this yesterday night, but saying it out loud to his friends to get their help with his confession is a lot more nerve-wracking than he thought, because it’s real and tangible and he can’t run away from this one anymore even if he tries. 

Jake’s eyes grow so large they look like they’re about to pop out of his head. “Uh. Just like that?” He coughs. “Good for you, I mean– but– this suddenly? Didn’t you just have your big revelation a day or two ago?”

Jungwon shrugs. 

A day was enough time for him to have given it a lot of thought, weigh the pros and cons of confessing his feelings, and to come to a decision. However Jungwon chose to look at the situation, it all boiled down to a simple fact: Jay is an honest person. If he didn’t reciprocate Jungwon’s feelings, he would simply say so, and they would try their best to return to normal. 

And Jungwon’s sure it would eventually, because Jay isn’t the kind of person to let something as trivial as this stand in the way of a solid 10-year friendship. Ultimately, Jungwon knows without a doubt that Jay loves him — even if it isn’t in the same way that he does, he is someone extremely important to him, and Jay will make sure that their lives are forever intertwined, no matter what. 

Besides, there isn’t any point in waiting. He’s an impatient person by nature. As Jay himself would say, carpe diem. Faber est suae quisque fortunae.

So, his decision truly wasn’t a hard one to make — Jungwon had actually decided to confess within the first hour or two — it was how to confess that really left him confused. 

Hence the meeting. 

Jake frowns at his hands. “Huh. So was it just me?” He looks around the room accusingly. “Were all of you this calm about confessing?” 

Heeseung pats his arm in consolation. “Telling someone how you feel is always scary,” he says, “The only reason you’re the one who confessed first was because I was too scared to do it myself.” 

Jungwon bites his lip. “Honestly? I’m scared too,” he admits, pulling at the sleeves of his hoodie, “Not really about his reaction, but of the confession itself.” He sighs. “I’m all out of ideas. I was hoping you could help me — maybe share how you guys confessed to each other or something.” 

Sunoo looks at the people gathered. “Okay, so in light of that, I get why Sunghoon hyung and I are here, and Jake hyung and Heeseung hyung too, but.” He pauses. “Why is Niki here?” 

“I didn’t want him to feel left out.” Jungwon says.

Niki nods furiously. “Yeah. Exactly. You wouldn’t be so cruel, right?” 

“Right,” Sunoo says, smile saccharine sweet. “Absolutely not.” 

Heeseung claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, moving past that,” he says, rubbing his palms together, “What’s your current plan, Jungwon?” 

“Well.” Jungwon reaches under the bed and pulls out a thick sheaf of papers. “The first thing I did was to cross both fake boyfriends and enchiladas off the list.” 

“Hey!” Sunghoon sniffs, “That was a good idea and you know it!” 

“Babe,” Sunoo says placidly and pats his cheek, “I may be dating you because of that, but it was an extremely bad idea.” 

“Ooh!” Jake raises his hand excitedly. “Have you considered a public confession? I confessed to Heeseung hyung in the cafeteria–” 

“–by standing on the table with a pride flag and a sign that read ‘Will you let me make you ramen forever?’” Heeseung sighs. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work with Jay. He doesn’t seem like the kind to enjoy that kind of attention.” 

“How about — don’t give me that look, Jungwon, hear me out — you text him and ask what would happen if you liked him hypothetically, and if he seems to be responding badly, you just tell him ‘April Fools!’ and laugh it off? That way it’s lighthearted, not too serious, and you can always back out before it goes badly.” 

Jungwon looks pointedly to the calendar on his bedstand. “It’s August.” 

Sunghoon shrugs. “Close enough. They both start with the letter ‘A’.” 

“Alternatively,” Sunoo suggests, “You go to his house, and stand under his window at night with a guitar and serenade him from the window. We all know Jay hyung’s a hopeless romantic at heart.” 

“That could work,” Jungwon says miserably, “Except for the part where he lives in a mansion with high-end security. I’ll be arrested on sight the moment his guards catch me trying to sneak in.” 

“He’d pay your bail though,” Heeseung points out solemnly. 

Jungwon puts his head in his hands. He regrets everything. 

At this very moment, Niki, who has been silently observing the entire exchange this entire time, snorts into his palm. He tries to disguise it as a cough but it's too late. Everyone has noticed. 

“What’s so funny?” Jungwon frowns. 

“Nothing, it’s just– I don’t understand why you’re all complicating things when the answer itself is so easy.” 

“Please,” Sunoo rolls his eyes, “Like you can think of anything better. What do you know about love, you’re like what, 12?” 

“12 centimetres taller than you,” Niki retorts immediately. “What do you know about growing?” 

“Sunoo hyung, please ignore him,” Jungwon begs, “Save the murder for later. I need Niki to tell me the answer.” 

Niki sticks his tongue out at Sunoo, who responds with an ugly face of his own. 

“Honestly, hyung, all you have to do is tell him. Just tell him to meet you somewhere, give him some of those chocolates he really likes and then just say it.” He folds his arms behind his head and reclines against Jungwon’s pillow leisurely. “Wouldn’t it be better to just be direct? Forget about all that pretentious bullshit — you’re a simple and straightforward person, and that’s one of the things Jay hyung likes most about you.” 

Sunghoon’s jaw hits the ground. 

The ensuing silence ringing out in Jungwon’s room is the loudest he’s ever heard. Someone coughs. 

“Huh.” Sunoo looks vaguely amused. “I take everything I said back.” 

Heeseung scratches his head. “That… might have been the best idea we’ve had today.” 

“Well damn,” Jake says quietly, “Did Niki just have a good idea?” 

Jungwon nods mutely. Hallelujah. This just might work after all. 

“I didn’t know we were all having a party.” Jay’s voice floats over from the open doorway. 

Sunghoon shuts his mouth with an audible clack. All of their heads turn to look at Jay slowly, then back to Jungwon with scary synchronicity. The guilty tension in the air is thick and unmistakable. 

“You said we had three hours,” Heeseung whispers frantically. 

“It’s Jay hyung,” Jungwon hisses back, “When has he ever been late?” 

Jay looks between the both of them suspiciously. “Do I want to know?” 

“It’s just– uh– relationship trouble things!” Jake cuts in, arms flailing. “Ah– Niki has someone he likes! So we uh– decided to come together and figure out something for him.” 

“But–” 

In a flash, Sunoo has his hands wrapped around Niki’s mouth. “Yeah!” He adds cheerily, “He was just telling us all about him! We must’ve forgotten to invite you in all the panic.”

Jay still looks unconvinced. 

He looks at Niki, who immediately panics, shoving Sunoo’s hands away and nodding his head with a little too much fervour. “Yeah!” He all but yells, “That’s so true, um. I’m here because– um– I’m so in love?”

It comes out more like a question than anything. Distantly, in the background, Sunghoon slaps a hand to his forehead. Jay does not notice. 

“No.” He tells him, unimpressed. He straightens his back, points at Niki, and glares. “No, you’re not.” 

“What?” Niki splutters. “What do you mean, no?” 

“I mean no.” Jay stresses, putting his hands on his hips. “No girlfriends for you. Or boyfriends. Or theyfriends. You’re literally a child.” 

Niki’s jaw drops. “I am one year younger than Jungwon!” 

Jay casts a glance at Jungwon, and in the brief moment that their gazes connect, Jungwon swears he sees his eyes soften. 

Jay tears his eyes away and trains them back on Niki, the furrow in his brow making an instant reappearance. “Doesn’t matter. Still no. Absolutely not.” He turns to the rest of them, all sitting in a tenuous silence. Sunoo has his hands clasped over his mouth to keep the laughter from bursting out. His entire face has turned red.  

“How are any of you okay with this?” Jay demands. “Look at him — he’s literally a child!”

Sunghoon coughs. Jay whirls on him. “Look Jay,” he says placatingly, “Niki is already 17 years old–”

“–And?” Jay gestures wildly to Niki’s velcro sneakers. “He can’t even tie his own shoelaces! He can’t be in love!” 

“Is it because I’m Japanese?” Niki demands, just for the hell of it. “Are you being Nikiphobic?” 

He’s enjoying this, Jungwon realises, looking at the upward tick of the edges of his mouth, and he’s prepared to milk this chaos for all it’s worth. After all, he isn’t actually in love with anyone. Jay, on the other hand, has completely bought into their lie and is very invested in the argument. 

His face contorts into an expression of fury (which, in Jay terms, is honestly just mild annoyance) and he opens his mouth, ready to launch into another tirade that really isn’t going to do anything except bring Niki more enjoyment. 

It’s probably time for Jungwon to do something. He dusts his pants off and tugs the sleeves of his hoodie down so that they fall just slightly over his hands. 

Heeseung watches him curiously. 

Jungwon pays him no attention, focusing on ruffling his hair a little so that it looks slightly curlier, a little messier. He pats his cheeks twice, then takes in a deep breath. Opens his arms wide and his eyes even wider. 

“Jay hyung,” he calls mournfully and wiggles his arms a little. 

The reaction he gets is instantaneous. Jay’s head snaps round to look at him — the tension in his shoulders and furrowed brows disappears into thin air, and his whole face visibly goes lax. He sighs, and just when it seems like he’s about to turn back to  continue arguing with Niki, Jungwon pouts and wriggles more insistently. 

That does the trick. They all see the exact moment Jay’s resolve dissolves and he gives up, resignation written all over his face as he shuts up in an instant and crosses the room to melt into Jungwon’s embrace. Jungwon happily thumps him on the back. 

(In the corner of the room, Jake’s mouth falls open. He turns to Sunoo. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

Sunoo’s answering sigh is that of a weary man who has watched two pining idiots dance around each other for a good majority of the three years he’s known them. “Yeah.” 

“And we honestly never had to do anything about it?” 

“Yup.” 

“So we all gathered here at 8AM for no good reason?” 

Sunoo forces a smile. “Exactly.”)

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

Jungwon is a man with a plan. 

The plan goes like this: he will hold off the confession for a while, seeing that they’re right on the cusp of finals week, which means that Jay will be a little too out of his mind to really be processing any new emotional input. As far as possible, Jungwon hopes to minimise any possible distress, so he’ll wait until Jay has finished his last paper, then he’ll invite him over to his house for some homecooked dinner, after which he’ll confess with a heart-shaped box of the Ferrero Rochers that Jay seems to like so much and a heartfelt speech for which he will have written several drafts and perfected and committed to memory. 

This entire process would take about a month to complete, leaving Jungwon with just enough time to finish preparing his speech and his gifts, as well as make up for all the classes he’s slept through this year before his exams begin. 

Thus concludes his perfect, seven-step plan to confess to Jay. 

Which happened to completely go down the drain slightly over a week later, because Jungwon ends up confessing like this instead: 

It’s an early morning, far too early for Jungwon’s brain to be functioning at all, but his mind is simultaneously shutting down and going into overdrive, his cerebral neurons firing off in all possible directions due to an interesting mixture of Red Bull, coffee, and five packets of sugar — something Jungwon likes to call ‘death in a cup’. 

See, if Jungwon were a better student, maybe he wouldn’t have had to down such a foul concoction on an empty stomach.

However, as most teenagers are, he is in fact a downright terrible student who chooses to procrastinate on any academic-related responsibilities, forcing him to pull an allnighter to study for an incredibly tough Geography final later that afternoon, and leaving him with a thick stack of undone chemistry homework that he has to get through before the last class of the day or Mrs Yoon will kill him. Or worse, give him detention.

All in all, he’s got very little sleep and a pounding headache that won’t go away. He’s also about 68% sure he’s running a fever. 

Somehow, the day manages to be more miserable than Jungwon himself, and by the time lunchtime finally drags itself around, he is slumped lifelessly over his desk, completely immobilised by the exhaustion weighing him down. 

He’s supposed to be meeting Jay anytime soon now, but his eyelids are so heavy he’s struggling to keep them open. He has half a mind to text Jay to let him know, but the moment he tries to lift his head and reach for his phone, his world blurs and spins on its axis, throwing him off-balance so severely that he all he can do is drop his head back down on his hands and stop moving. 

Eventually, his eyes slip shut and he drifts off — only startling back into consciousness about 45 minutes later to the drag of a jacket over his shoulders. 

He blinks his eyes open blearily. 

An assorted pile of Pepero boxes, prawn-flavoured crackers, chocolate bars, and flavoured chips rests on his table beside a neat takeaway container of steaming tteokbokki with cheese melted into the centre. A bottle of plain water and painkillers lying a short distance away. His previously blank Chemistry homework now neatly filled in with a familiar scrawl and shuffled into a neat stack. 

The culprit himself caught in the middle of arranging his blazer over Jungwon’s prone form to keep him warm while he sleeps, Jungwon’s own blazer folded neatly and tucked under his head. 

Jungwon rubs his eyes. And then rubs them again in sheer disbelief. 

Maybe it’s because it’s been such a hectic week with finals and responsibilities and the stress of preparing a confession for one’s best friend, or maybe it’s because he just loves Jay so much, but Jungwon’s face crumples, and before he knows it, he has a hand pressed to his mouth and tears streaming down his face as he bursts into sobs right there and then in the middle of the empty classroom. 

“What the hell–” Jay panics and rushes forward immediately, dropping to his knees beside Jungwon to gather him into his arms. Jungwon instinctively latches onto him like a lifeline and buries his face into Jay’s school shirt. 

“Hyung,” he cries, shaking his head, “Jay hyung–” 

“What’s wrong, Won-ah?” Jay soothes, smoothing a gentle hand down the back of Jungwon’s head as he holds him firmly in a warm embrace, dropping a soft kiss to the side of his head when he finds himself unable to respond. 

It has the opposite effect. 

Jungwon only cries harder, the tender care he’s been shown causing a new wave of emotions to come crashing down on him as fuel for his tears. Jay casts an alarmed look at the hysterical boy in his arms and proceeds to panic even harder, his grip on Jungwon tightening. 

“Was it something I did?” He asks frantically. “I’m sorry Won, hyung is so, so sorry–” 

In the midst of his tears, Jungwon frowns. Now what the hell is Jay apologising for? 

He abruptly begins to shove at Jay’s shoulders, pushing him back to put some distance between them so he can look him straight in the eye. 

“Won–” 

“I love you,” He hiccups, and swipes the back of his hand across his nose, “I love you so goddamn much.” 

Jay is stunned for a moment. “Um, I love you too…?”

“No, fuck–” Jungwon scrubs at his eyes, frustrated at the tears still leaking out from the corners. Jay bats his hand away and procures a handkerchief out of nowhere to dab at his eyes for him. It smells just like his cologne. This is so unfair. 

“Jay hyung, stop for a moment, please–” Jungwon says impatiently. “–you’re not getting it.” 

Jay’s hand fists in his damp handkerchief. “I’m… not?” 

“No, you’re not.” Jungwon sighs. “I love you. I love you so much that– that– that I want to kiss you on the mouth. Or something.” 

“Oh.” 

The light filtering in through the window falls across Jay’s face, highlighting the surprise etched into each feature. His mouth parts unconsciously into a small ‘o’, and his gaze flicks to Jungwon’s, eyes glittering with something nebulous and undecipherable. Despite everything, he looks ethereal like this, balanced on one knee in front of Jungwon’s desk, one hand gripping his handkerchief and the other resting on Jungwon’s arm. 

Jungwon’s heart aches. 

Then, like the sun breaking out from behind the clouds on a rainy day, Jay smiles, the special one he reserves for Jungwon and Jungwon alone. It steals Jungwon’s breath away. He smiles, and he says: “Okay.” 

“Okay?” Jungwon sniffles. “Just– okay?” 

“Yeah, just–” Jay huffs out a breath of relief, and his smile grows. “I love you too. So much that I also want to kiss you on the mouth.” 

“Or something,” he adds mischievously, after watching Jungwon flounder for a heartbeat. 

Jungwon’s having a little bit of trouble comprehending the situation. His head spins. Jay likes… him? 

“But–” he says, lost, “But the love letter? What about that?” 

“Huh,” Jay frowns, “So you really didn’t read it.” 

A little bit is an understatement. Jungwon feels like his skull is going to explode with the sheer force of the thoughts rattling about inside his head at high speeds. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” He splutters. 

“I thought you were avoiding me! Maybe you read it and thought I was weird or something, because you started being a little distant even though you said you hadn’t read it, and I thought I’d made you uncomfortable so I tried to give you space too!” 

Jay scratches his head. “Plus, there was that afternoon at your house with the rest of our friends. That was really weird. I figured you were up to something and just didn’t want to tell me.” 

“You never believed Niki was in love,” Jungwon says, the realisation finally dawning on him, “You were just playing along.” 

“He’s literally five,” Jay deadpans, “Right now, he only has enough love in his heart for dance, and you and I both know that.” 

“But– No secrets,” Jungwon almost hollers, “There are literally no secrets between us! I wouldn’t have lied to you about something like reading your notebook!” 

“I wouldn’t have minded anyway. If you had read it,” Jay is quick to amend, “It’s just that. Well. It’s embarrassing. It’s so… obvious.” 

“What? Obvious… what?” 

“That it was about you.” He blushes. “That I’m kind of stupid about you, okay?” 

Jungwon stifles a laugh. “It’s not embarrassing.” 

He props his cheek up on an open palm to look at him. He probably looks like a mess right now, having just finished crying his eyes out, but Jay looks at him like he’s the prettiest boy in the universe. 

“What’s embarrassing is that I’ve been in love with you for the better part of a year and just refused to admit it.” He frowns. “I think everyone else knew too. Jake was trying to tell me the other day and I just ignored him.” Then, as he remembers who he’s talking to, he laughs shamefully. “I’m sorry I was so dumb.” 

Jay grins. “Nah, it’s okay. I have you beat.” 

Jungwon tilts his head. “Try me.” 

“Okay, well,” Jay begins, crossing his arms on the desk and leaning into Jungwon’s space, “I’ve been in love with you for four years.” 

Jungwon’s heart skips a beat. He thought he’d had it rough, keeping quiet about a crush  that he’d only realised he’d had a week earlier, and here was Jay, having loved him quietly by his side for four, long years. He had never even suspected a thing — just enjoyed the love that Jay had given him readily. A lump rises in his throat. 

“Oh,” He utters with difficulty, “That long?” 

“Yeah,” Jay smiles fondly, “I guess it is a pretty long time to like someone.” 

“I’m sorry,” Jungwon ducks his head and casts his eyes to the floor, pulling at the sleeves of his hoodie uncomfortably. 

It’s Jay’s turn to frown. “What for?”

“Wasn’t it hard? Having to wait that long for me?”

Jay shakes his head. “It’s always easy when it comes to you.” He reaches over the desk to take Jungwon’s hand in his own. “Besides, it’s not like there was ever anyone else. You were always beside me, even if it wasn’t, well, like that.” 

“Oh.” Jungwon feels as if the air has been punched out of his lungs. His hand is still clasped in Jay’s. He likes how warm the sight of their intertwined hands makes him feel. “Then– thank you. For waiting. For loving me.” 

“You don’t have to thank me for that.” Jay sounds amused, but Jungwon knows he isn’t laughing at him. “I’ll always wait for you, and I’ll always love you.” 

With his free hand, he cups Jungwon’s cheek and thumbs at it fondly. 

“Hey,” he calls softly, “Be my boyfriend?” 

“Is that even a question?” 

The smile pulling at his cheeks and stretching across his face is so big and unrestrained that it hurts like hell, but Jungwon can hardly bring himself to care. With his head light and heart even lighter, Jungwon musters up all his energy and excitement and tackles Jay into a hug. “Yes, of course yes, a million times yes, always– yes!” 

Jay presses a kiss to Jungwon’s cheek and knocks their foreheads together, sighing happily.  

He pauses. His eyebrows knit together in confusion. He pushes Jungwon away and holds him at arm’s length. 

“You’re kind of hot, Won-ah.” 

“Well of course you’d think that,” Jungwon sniffs, “You’re my boyfriend.” He bravely pretends that the act of simply being able to call Jay his boyfriend doesn’t send a rampage of butterflies fluttering through his stomach.

“Not quite what I meant, but okay,” Jay acquiesces, “But really, Won. Your temperature feels a little high.” 

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Jungwon insists, wriggling in his hold. 

“I’m sure it’s not.” Jay retorts. “I’m taking you to the infirmary.” 

He stands and dusts his pants off, before bending at the waist to pick him up in an effortless princess carry. Jungwon’s arms immediately wind around his neck and he flushes, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks immediately. 

“Um,” he says eloquently, legs swinging as Jay breaks out into a run. “Do you have to carry me? I can walk.” 

Jay peers closely at his face. “You look a bit red in the face,” he says concernedly, “You might be having a fever. It’s better not to walk.” 

This causes Jungwon to abruptly choke on his spit, and sends him into a violent coughing fit. Jay readjusts him in his hold and slows his steps until he recovers. 

“I can most certainly assure you I am not,” Jungwon laughs nervously. However, even with the euphoria of (finally!) confessing to the object of his affections and having said affections returned, he has to admit that he really isn’t feeling great today — he resigns himself to his fate and reclines back against Jay’s hold. “But thank you? I guess?” 

“It’s no problem,” he replies sweetly. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t do this for you?”

Jungwon swallows a giggle. Pull yourself together, he scolds himself sternly, but he can’t stop the silly smile that spreads across his face. 

“Besides,” he hears Jay’s voice pipe up overhead. When he turns to look, he is smirking like the cat that got the cream. “Maybe I just wanted a good excuse to carry you.” 

The resulting bright-red flush does not budge from Jungwon’s cheeks for a long while.

.--- .- -.-- .-- --- -.

As it turns out, surviving on a total of 5 hours of sleep over the span of 3 days is a phenomenally good recipe for disaster. Just as Jay had initially suspected, Jungwon was down with a particularly nasty fever — the school nurse had taken a single look at him and his red face and shaky hands and promptly sent him home to rest. 

Jay held his hand and his backpack the entire time that they were waiting for Jungwon’s parents by the schoolgate, and if his mother saw their interlaced fingers, she said nothing (although Jungwon is sure that there had been a knowing edge to her voice when she asked him how his day had been). 

Of course, this meant that he’d had to skip his Geography test, but Jungwon isn’t too upset about that. 

Not when Jay turns up at his house shortly after school ends, holding a get-well-soon card signed by all of their friends in one hand and a takeaway cup of Jungwon’s favourite white chocolate mocha warmed just the way he likes it, and insists on taking care of him until he’s all better. 

No , Jungwon thinks as he snuggles into his boyfriend’s warm and loving embrace under the covers, burying his nose into his shirt and closing his eyes in pure contentment, I’m not upset about it at all.