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The day had felt endless. Shepard was exhausted and somehow still wide awake. He rolled over in bed trying to get comfortable to no avail. He couldn’t get his mind off the mission. It had gone from bad to worse as soon as they boarded the derelict Reaper for salvage. However, when they got there it had been anything but empty. The place was crawling with Collectors and upon inspection, they discovered that there were still some civilians trapped there and clinging to life. What had started as a simple job had turned into a messy rescue mission.
Shepard and the team ultimately found about a dozen civilians still alive, but there seemed to be an endless ocean of Collectors between them and the way out. Collectors filled every corridor and retreat wasn’t an option. At least, not one Shepard had seen. The civilians could barely stand up, let alone run. They were quickly overcome by Collectors swarming all around them. Shepard and his team tried to keep the civilians between them safe. Their task got harder every second that passed. The Collectors had them surrounded.
Garrus had almost given up when he spotted an access tunnel on the other side of the room. Shepard ordered the others to make a way to the tunnel while he tried to keep the countless Collectors at bay. Shepard saw an opening and started to direct the civilians to the tunnel while the team kept the waves of Collectors away.
Once Shepard and his team followed the civilians in the tunnel they realized they still had a big problem. They didn’t know how far they needed to go, and the civilians were already weak and tired. The further they had to go, the harder it would be to keep them moving. The crawl through the tunnel was agonizingly slow. Shepard and the crew had no idea if they’d even find a way out through the tunnel but they had to try. They couldn’t turn back now.
They kept pushing the civilians forward at a steady pace for what felt like an eternity. From time to time they stumbled across one or two Collector drones, which Shepard quickly dispatched. Then finally, they could see a light shining somewhere ahead. Garrus and Kaidan hurried the civilians towards what looked like a clear exit from the tunnel. To Shepard’s relief, EDI was back online and told the crew that they were almost at the shuttle bay. They hurried towards the big heavy door leading to the shuttle bay.
When they reached the bay doors Thane quickly realized they were trapped. The Collectors were right behind them, and the doors were stuck. They were soon backed against the doors with nowhere to go. There had to be a way to get the doors open, but they were running out of time. Shepard desperately tried to hack the door controls to no avail. The doors didn’t budge.
It got steadily harder to push back the sea of bugs inching closer. Time had seemed to slow down as the Collectors crept closer and closer. Shepard felt his chest tighten as desperation set in. He had to fight his rising panic to keep moving. He wouldn’t go down without a fight.
Then it hit Shepard. Kaidan could use his biotics to blast the doors open. He told Kaidan to try and blow a hole in the doors, and he agreed that it was an idea that was worth trying. Kaidan focused on the doors while the rest of them kept blasting the Collectors. The drones just kept coming and Shepard couldn’t see the end of them.
Suddenly there was a loud bang. When Shepard glanced back at the doors they had a hole in the middle just big enough to fit one or two people at a time. Thane was helping the civilians through the door. Shepard called for Cortez to come to pick them up. Kaidan and Garrus were providing covering fire. They were still cornered. The bay soon filled with Collectors and there was no way to follow the civilians without opening themselves up to attack.
The shuttle was taking too long to arrive. They took cover behind some crates in the bay, but the crates didn’t cover their flank. Shepard and the rest of the team did their best to keep the bugs away from the civilians, but the limited cover made it hard. Shepard spotted a Collector uncomfortably close to Kaidan, who was focused on covering the civilians. Shepard tried to shout at him to get out of the way but no words left his mouth. He took aim at the Collector but his reflexes weren’t quick enough. Time seemed to stop as Kaidan fell to the ground. Everything else forgotten, Shepard sprinted to Kaidan’s side. He dropped to his knees beside him, but Kaidan wasn’t moving. Tears burned his eyes as he frantically searched for the wound. He found a big hole in his hardsuit. Then he saw the blood gushing from his side. He pressed his hands against the wound but it didn’t seem to help. He kept firm pressure on the wound, begging the universe to not take Kaidan away from him. He couldn't keep his tears at bay any longer. His worst fears were coming true as Kaidan laid there, eerily still as blood poured from his side. The floor was getting soaked. Shepard felt hopeless but Shepard couldn’t stop trying to stop the bleeding. The blood just kept seeping through his fingers. Thane leaned down next to him and applied some medigel to the wound. The bleeding seemed to slow down a bit.
When the shuttle finally arrived, Shepard picked Kaidan up carefully and placed him on his shoulders. He ran to the shuttle as fast as he could. Kaidan was limp on his shoulders and Shepard could barely feel him breathing. He put Kaidan down on the shuttle floor carefully and resumed applying pressure to the wound. While Shepard was taking care of Kaidan, Garrus and Thane helped the civilians onboard the shuttle. They barely got them all in before the Collectors reached the shuttle.
They hadn’t found the tech they were hoping for. Once they’d realized there were civilians trapped onboard, saving them became the top priority. And then Kaidan got shot. They would have to find another way to get the tech they so desperately needed. Right then the only thing that mattered was getting medical attention to Kaidan and the civilians.
The flight to the Normandy had felt like an eternity. Doctor Chakwas was waiting for them when they arrived. Shepard carried Kaidan to the medbay and laid his limp body on the bed. He collapsed on the floor next to it. His body felt like it weighed a ton. Garrus and Thane had to nearly drag him out of the room to give Chakwas enough space to work on Kaidan.
Shepard sank to the floor in front of the medbay doors. Garrus and Thane sat down at his side. They sat there in silence for a long while. Shepard didn’t want to leave until he knew Kaidan was going to be okay. He couldn’t leave without knowing. The thought of leaving his boyfriend was too much. He didn’t notice he was sobbing again until Thane wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly. Shepard buried his face against Thane’s chest and let the tears come out.
They waited for hours. The air was heavy with grief. Shepard was leaning on Thane’s shoulder trying to keep his tired eyes open. He needed to rest but he couldn’t let himself sleep until he saw Kaidan. He still feared the worst. His throat was so tight and he could barely breathe. Thane squeezed his hand reassuringly and planted a kiss on his forehead.
The door finally hissed open and Doctor Chakwas stepped out of the medbay. “Kaidan’s not awake yet but you can go see him, commander.”
Shepard got to his feet and walked back into the medbay. It was quiet except for the machines keeping Kaidan alive. He sat down next to the bed and took Kaidan’s hand.
“Hey, babe. I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m here. I won’t go anywhere.”
He ghosted his fingers over Kaidan’s cheek. His hand shook against Kaidan’s face. Kaidan was so still and Shepard could feel his throat tighten with worry. He squeezed Kaidan’s hand. “ You better not leave me. You still owe me that dance.”
Sitting beside the bed wasn’t close enough. He carefully sat on the edge of the bed before laying down next to Kaidan. He wrapped his arms around him and buried his face into Kaidan’s chest. “ The whole crew is really worried about you.”
Shepard must have dozed off. He felt a twitch next to him and opened his eyes to see. Kaidan had opened his eyes and he was looking back at him.
“How are you doing?” Shepard asked.
“I’m doing okay. It probably looked worse than it is,” Kaidan said reassuringly.
“Hard to believe that,” the scene rushed back to his mind and he felt sick even thinking about it. He shuddered.
“Hey, are you okay? You look pale.” Kaidan said with a tone of worry in his voice.
“Oh, yeah. I’m just tired and I haven’t eaten since we got back.” He didn’t want to talk about the gruesome scene that was burned into his mind. If he talked about it, it would all just come back and Shepard just couldn’t take that right now.
Kaidan frowned at him. “You need to eat and get some rest.”
“I can’t leave your side. It was hell waiting all day to even know if you’ll make it.”
“I’ll be fine. I won’t go anywhere. Please take care of yourself.”
“Fine… But you better still be alright when I get back.”
Shepard didn’t want to leave the medbay. He didn’t want to leave Kaidan alone. The thought of him alone made Shepard’s heart ache.
Shepard didn’t want to leave the medbay. He didn’t want to leave Kaidan alone. The thought of him alone made Shepard’s heart ache.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how close he’d come to losing Kaidan, and he wanted nothing more than to be in the same room to make sure he was okay. He was scared that if he turned his back Kaidan would die. He’d never forgive himself if Kaidan got worse and he wasn’t there.
He wanted to stay in the room so badly, but Kaidan needed rest to get better again. He needed to take care of himself too, but the thought of leaving the room was killing him. He wanted to wrap himself around Kaidan and never let go. Shepard wanted to shield Kaidan from the world because he couldn’t take it if he lost him.
Shepard kissed Kaidan’s forehead and then reluctantly left the medbay. He went to the mess. After poking around the cupboards he decided he wasn’t hungry. Thane put down a plate of food and didn’t leave until Shepard ate.
The Normandy hummed quietly. It was late and the mood on the ship was heavy. Shepard couldn’t sleep. He was too worried about Kaidan. He almost thought he heard Kaidan walking in the hall outside his cabin like he so often does when he can’t sleep, but it couldn’t be Kaidan.
Could it?
It took him a moment to realize he wasn’t imagining it. “Holy shit. It is Kaidan,” he mumbled to himself as he jumped out of the bed. “What the fuck is he doing up here?”
He dashed across his cabin and opened the door to the hallway. There he found Kaidan leaning against the wall a few steps away breathing hard. His face was twisted in pain. As soon as he saw Shepard he tried to look like he was okay but failed horribly. Shepard walked to him and carefully grabbed him by the shoulder.
“Hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing? You should be in the medbay,” Shepard said with audible worry in his voice.
“I couldn’t stay there all alone with my thoughts. I needed to move.” Shepard knew instinctively what he’d left unspoken: I needed to find you.
“You need to get back to bed right now. Let’s get back to my bed so you won’t have to be alone. And it’s more comfortable anyway.”
Shepard let Kaidan lean on him as they walked back into the cabin. It wasn’t far to go but it still took them a while. Kaidan was trying to hide the pain but it was written all over his face. The expression made his stomach feel tight. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he almost lost Kaidan. Or so it had felt at the time. He wasn’t sure if he believed Kaidan about it not being so bad. Kaidan probably only said that to make him less worried. He quivered slightly as he remembered the scene again . He shut his eyes and tried to think about literally anything else.
Shepard helped Kaidan down the low step to the bed, then helped him get into the bed before joining him. Shepard cuddled next to Kaidan, holding him tight. He wasn’t about to let go anytime soon.
The door hissed open. It was Thane. Thane walked to the bed and sat down. He took off his clothes before joining the others. He cuddled next to Shepard.
"Man you're gonna need a bigger bed. It’s pretty crowded," Kaidan joked and chuckled which made him wince with pain.
They were laying there in silence for a while. Shepard’s eyes were getting heavy and he could barely stay awake anymore.
“Guess I'm gonna have to get that bigger bed after all,” he mutters right before his pale purple eyes close and he finally drifts to sleep.