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A series of loud knocks on his door jolted him from sleep. Groucho blinked his eyes open, saw his alarm clock read ‘6:00am,’ and promptly shoved it off his desk.
The knocks got louder.
“For the love of- WHO IS IT!?” he yelled, rolling out of bed.
“You know who~” came a singsong voice from just outside. His ears flicked, recognizing the voice, and he let out a deep, heavy sigh that sounded out throughout his whole modern room.
The blue bear lumbered around his home to make himself presentable, dragging his feet the entire time, and threw on his black and yellow ‘gopan’ jacket before finally opening the door.
He came face to face with large rabbit ears. He glanced down to look their owner in the face.
Ruby looked up at him with bright red eyes and an impish smile on her face. The albino rabbit stood back a bit into his yard, overgrown with weeds, and waved at him.
“Mooooorning Groucho!” greeted Ruby cheerfully. Groucho grumbled and glanced at the other yard right next to his own.
“Could you keep it down? All that knocking might wake up the neighbor Sprocket...” he muttered. Ruby waved him off with a laugh.
“Sprocket? You and I both know he gets up at like five every day to go bench rocks, or whatever.”
On cue, the two heard a loud thump in the distance, followed by a triumphant shout.
“Also,” she pointed a digit at him accusingly. “Why’d you take so long to answer? Don’t you normally get up early to go work out too?”
“Well, today was my cool off day...when I sleep in,” Groucho zipped up his jacket at the cool morning chill, and frowned as Ruby leaned her body forward with a coy grin.
“Oh, what’s that I hear?” she placed a paw against one of her tall ears. “Is...is Groucho going back on his word? It can’t be!”
“Ease up kiddo, this old bear honors his bets.” He stepped out onto his yard fully, and rolled his shoulders. “Even if it’s way, way too early in the morning for...whatever you have planned.”
“Ah bup bup! I don’t wanna hear it~” Ruby wiggled her finger at him with a smug grin. “The deal was that the loser had to do whatever the winner wanted that day, without complaining. Or did you forget that last bit?”
Groucho grumbled to himself as his mind thought back to that cursed bet from last night.
The Roost was lively that night.
For some reason or another, almost every island resident had found their way into the cafe to enjoy the cozy atmosphere. Perhaps it was the winter chill having set in force, or maybe Brewster made a very trendy Nookstagram post. Regardless, smooth jazz played over the low din of many voices, all spread throughout the cafe as the residents chatted in groups at the tables and booths.
Groucho had decided to pop in during a midnight stroll, and was surprised by the amount of people clumped together in little groups. He saw the Island Representative, Janjan, in a far booth nodding her head to something Stitches was saying, and just to his left he saw Curt and Sprocket in an animated conversation with Tom Nook of all people.
Normally he’d be fine with sharing a seat with his workout buddies, but the reserved bear didn’t want to intrude on their conversation. There didn’t seem to be a place to sit at the tables that weren’t already filled anyway, so instead he shuffled over to the bar and ordered a simple blend with two sugars from Brewster.
He sat at one of the bar stools and thanked Brewster for the beverage, which he began to nurse in his paws. Groucho allowed the rich smell of coffee and cocoa to tickle his nose, and he sighed in contentment as the sounds of the cafe and his drink lulled him into a comfortable stupor.
It helped that Brewster was a bird of few words. He didn’t feel the need to force a conversation, something Groucho more than appreciated.
As he enjoyed his time to himself, he glanced out of the corner of his eye, and witnessed another islander, Ruby, enter the cafe. The little rabbit had a wide smile on her face and popped over to each group to say hi, unashamedly taking selfies with her phone with whoever was remotely interested.
Groucho snorted and returned to his drink. He didn’t dislike Ruby, but she was just too...much for him. The times they did interact were few and far between, and he just didn’t think he had much to say to someone so obsessed with the latest trends or ‘clout-chasing’ that young kids got up to these days.
If she came over, he’d nod and be polite, but not much beyond that. He doubted she’d want to spend much time with an old-fashioned bear like himself anyway.
“Heeeeey Groucho!”
Or not.
Groucho turned and saw that Ruby had posted up on the bar stool right next to his own and ordered her own drink: a blue mountain with three heaping spoonfuls of sugar.
High taste and high energy.
“Man, this place is like, totes filled to the brim, huh? Was there a birthday I missed or something?” she asked, head inclined in his direction. He shrugged and kept his gaze on his coffee.
“Might just be one of those nights, kiddo,” he said. She nodded and slurped at her coffee, and he raised an eyebrow.
“Three sugars, huh?” he commented. One of her ears flicked, and she glanced at him.
“And not one less,” she replied. He snorted, and it was her turn to raise a brow. “Something wrong?”
“Just that so much sugar ain’t good for you. No wonder you have so much energy all the time.”
“Well excuuuuuuse me for liking my coffee sweet. What are you, some kinda health guru, or something?”
“I know a thing or two about building good habits,” responded Groucho with pride, which swiftly turned to disapproval. “Something you should start thinking about. Eating right, exercising, spending less time with those...TikerTokers or Dustcords or...whatever it is I hear what you kids do on those phones of yours.”
“It’s called TikTok and Discord , something you should, like, totally know about in this day and age, old man!” she huffed and stuck her nose up. “And for your information, I am an up and coming influencer, so I need to keep an eye on my dms at all times!”
“An influencer? What is that, some kind of freelance, new age profession?” He grumbled. “Doesn't sound like it takes real work, that’s for sure...”
“Why don’t we make you a profile, then you can see all the work it takes?” Ruby leaned forward, issuing a challenge with her bright red eyes.
Groucho remained unfazed.
“How about instead, I bring you on one of my morning workouts. That’ll show you some discipline, kiddo.”
Ruby opened her mouth to retort, but a jingle from the door alerted them to another entrance. Groucho glanced over, and saw that Julia the peacock had entered, making a beeline for the bar. They put their little spat on hold, and offered a polite wave in greeting as Julia stared at the menu a few seats over.
As Julia tapped a wing on her chin and debated what to order, Groucho leaned down to whisper in Ruby’s ear with a judgmental tone of voice.
“Julia’s another that could cut back on the sugar. I hear she gets three sugars, no matter what.”
“I was talking with her the other day, she actually said she’s going on a diet,” Ruby whispered back. “If I had to guess, she’s only getting one tonight, max.”
“Saying you’re going on a diet is great and all kiddo, but people aren’t so quick to change habits.” Groucho gave a sage shake of his head. “She’s getting three sugars tonight, and will probably muster up the courage to drop it to two in a week or so.”
“No way, she’s trying to fit into a new dress Janjan got for her,” Ruby whispered back, a keen eye on their target. “She’s getting one, you can see it in her eyes.”
“I’m telling you, she’s getting three.”
“One.”
“Three, and that’s final.”
“You won’t bet on it, though.”
“Yes I would,” Groucho met her eyes and put a paw out. “She gets three, and you’re joining me on a full body workout tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, you’re so on!” she cheered under her breath and grasped his paw. “One, and I have you all to myself as we work on your new social media presence. Also the loser can’t back out, and has to do everything the winner says, no complaining.”
“Deal.”
The two shook, both of them with confident grins on their faces. They returned their attention to the deliberating Julia, now with much more rapt attention.
The whole time, Brewster had not said a word, merely polished the same glass as Julia stared at the options for the past five minutes. Finally, she raised a dainty wing.
“Brewster dahling, I’m ready to order,” she stated. “I think I’ll go for the usual, a blue mountain.”
Groucho lightly elbowed Ruby, certain the bet was won once she said ‘the usual.’
Brewster asked how many sugars she would like.
Julia opened her beak to answer, with a smile.
Ruby snickered at his audible groan, and put her hands on her hips.
“A deal’s a deal, now you have no choice but to smile as I turn you into a viral sensation!”
“I just got over a cold, so I don’t think that’ll work,” Groucho retorted.
“Very funny.” He wasn’t actually sure what was funny. “Now, let’s go!”
“Go? Go where? Can’t we just do your little social media thing here?”
“Boooooring! I like to move around when I come up with ideas, plus it's a nice day out,” she said, and gestured around at the bright blue sky. A soft breeze caused the plants below to rustle and sway. She looked down at Groucho’s weed infested yard and grimaced.
“Plus, it might be good to get away from the house for a bit. Do you ever clean this place up?”
“Those are intentional. Fits with the homestyle, rustic aesthetic,” replied Groucho, stepping past her. Ruby glanced around the fenced yard, eyes scanning over the rocking chair and laundry basket, before landing on the light bulb fixture that framed the exit.
“Homestyle is...one way of putting it,” she muttered, before she scampered up ahead to meet him on the path. It split in a couple directions, to the right that led to the beach, and the left which led to the Resident Services area. Groucho watched her deliberate for a bit, before taking the left path.
“So, what’s the plan for today?” he asked, deciding to just bite the bullet and go along with it. Ruby held out her paw in response.
“Let me see your phone?”
He creased his brows, but slowly reached into his pocket and handed her his phone, unlocked. She grabbed it and, in a split second, snapped a picture of him. He blinked his eyes and grumbled at her, but paused at the sight of her digits moving like blurs across the screen.
After a few seconds, she handed his phone back to him, face up. He glanced down, and squinted at what looked like a profile page on some social media site he couldn’t recognize.
His picture was blurry, and not the most flattering. Beneath it were some spaces to enter text, and he saw that the boxes were already filled in.
“...Grouchy_Poo_XD? What the heck is that?”
“You need a catchy profile name! It helps build interest. For example, I’m MoonRabbitRuby across all of mine.”
“Yeah, no. I think I’ll just use my actual name,” he muttered, and squinted his eyes as he aimed his forefinger to push ‘back’ on the phone. Ruby groaned as they walked along the path.
“Groucho, the point of social media is to put your best, most interesting self out there! This is your chance to really express yourself, you know? Really be you.”
“I don’t think Grouchy_Poo is really me, kiddo.”
“Well, then what do you want your page to be about?”
“I didn’t want a page in the first place.”
“Alright, different question...” she chewed her lip in thought, and then started again. “If you had a bunch of people interested in what you were doing, what would you tell them? Or, show them?”
“I...hmm...I don’t know kiddo.” Groucho scratched his chin, and looked off in thought. “Can’t say I’ve had many people interested in what I’m doing to begin with.”
“Oh. Well, we got all day. You can think about it as we walk.”
Groucho grunted in acknowledgment, and the two continued on in silence. The cool island breeze felt good on his fur, but it was a little hard to enjoy it with the bundle of energy at his side. Ruby liked to hum as she walked along the path, and often got distracted with any bugs or flowers along the way.
Despite himself, he couldn’t stop thinking about her question. Groucho really wasn’t used to the thought of eyes on him, he preferred to keep to himself. To be honest, it all sounded a little intimidating.
They walked along, feet clacking along a bridge that ran parallel to the beach, and he decided to see what was so good about this social media thing in the first place. If Ruby was so adamant that he learn how to do it, surely her ‘content’ was worth looking at?
With slow, deliberate fingers, he typed in her username, and after a few failed attempts, finally found a profile on one of the sites that featured the albino rabbit. He glanced up to confirm that Ruby herself was just a little ways ahead, contentedly skipping along, and he scrolled through her page before clicking a video at random.
Peppy, pop music began to blare from his phone, and he saw Ruby step back from the camera, tap her feet a couple times, and then break out into some kind of dance that he had never seen before. He didn’t even notice himself stop and stare, open mouthed, as she did a full on backflip in time with the music.
“What the...” he muttered. Ahead of him, Ruby’s ears perked, and she gasped, then hopped back to him.
“Ohmigosh you saw it! That’s like my most popular one! Oh! Idea!”
In a moment, she grabbed Groucho, and pulled the older bear forward along the path, heedless of his sputtering complaints. They ran a bit forward, past Faith’s house and Nook’s Cranny, and into the tiny lot Janjan built into the side of the store.
It was nestled in between the store and the Able Sister’s shop, with a bench on the left and a row of vending machines up against the wall ahead. She pulled to a stop in the middle and whipped out her phone.
Groucho huffed and puffed, then glared at Ruby.
“What the heck’s gotten into you?”
She didn’t answer, and instead made some song blast from the speakers on her phone.
“I should have, like, totally thought of this sooner! The easiest way to get started on TikTok is to just start dancing!”
“I think I already hate this.”
“Noooooo complaining!” she jeered, foot already tapping to the beat. Groucho sucked in a retort, and willed himself to continue with this silly bet.
If she wanted a dance, she’d get a dance.
With a hesitant start, Groucho started to tap his foot on the floor, offbeat. He jerked his hips to the side in an awkward motion, and then swung his arms around his head for good measure. Ruby held her phone up, clearly recording him, and that only served to put his frayed nerves even more on edge.
“Lookin good, looking goooooood...” she said, in a tone he really could not place. The song picked up in tempo, and he began to jerk his body around with even greater speed, so much so that his breath started to become heavy with exertion.
“ This is more...of a workout...than I thought...” He could barely concentrate on the phone.
“Am I...Am I done!?” he wheezed, arms bent at his sides in some bastardization of the funky chicken. Ruby tilted her head from one side to the other, before cutting the music off. In an instant, Groucho had his paws on his knees, and he was breathing heavily.
Without a word, he went over to go sit on the bench, and stared up at the blue sky, wondering where it all went wrong. Idly, he leaned forward and pressed a paw on his back, and slowly let out a hiss.
“Oooh...might have pulled something...” he muttered. A shadow cast over him, and he looked up to see Ruby, who held out a soda she must have gotten from a vending machine. He accepted it with a nod, and cracked it open to down it.
Ruby sat down next to him with her own soda, and tapped her paw on her phone. She glanced over at the old bear.
“You good?” she asked. Groucho swallowed a gulp, and grunted.
“Might need to settle down for my back, but I’m alright.” He sighed, and slowly leaned himself back. On instinct, Ruby held a paw out to try and steady the older one.
“Huh...so you do that kind of thing all the time?” he asked.
“Recently I’ve been doing more open verse challenges, but a lot of my filler content is dances, yeah.”
“That was pretty uh...intense.”
“Would you say it sounds like work? ” she said, smug. He squinted at her.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself kiddo. I just can’t do as much cardio as I used to, is all.”
“Uh-huh, sure.” she leaned back with her arms behind her head. “But, maybe that’s for the best. I don’t think, uh, I don’t think dancing is quite your thing, Groucho.”
“You think?”
“But, don’t worry! I still got lots of ideas!” she said with a large smile.
Groucho looked at her, and for the first time felt a jolt of fear lance through him at the diminutive rabbit.
He was going to hate this.
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“Put your back into it! Really look like you’re pushing! You gotta sell it!”
“What’s the point of this?” groused Groucho as he put all his weight against the parking sign.
“You’re pushin’ P! That’s big right now!” yelled Ruby. Groucho grunted and she cheered.
“Yes, just like that! You lo-oh. Oh, no. Uh, not that much of your back...”
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With a loud roar, Groucho slammed a fist into Sprocket's chest. The metal bird glanced down and wiped off where he was hit as if it were a dust stain.
“Nanomachines Groucho!” He raised his arms up and flexed in the sun. “They harden in response to physical trauma!”
“What the heck are nanomachines...” mumbled the bear. Sticking with the script, he stepped forward and started to pepper Sprocket's bare chest with a series of blows, really working up a sweat from how fast he was punching.
“This is great guys, I’ll add in ‘It Has to Be This Way,’ later in post. Groucho, remember your line!”
The tired bear rolled his eyes, but dutifully obliged.
“Uh...muda, muda? Mudamudamudamuda....”
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“Hello, it's Grouchy Grouch survival. And today, I’m gonna show you how to survive a dangerous encounter.”
Isabelle and Curt walked up, both clad in balaclavas. Isabelle’s covering did absolutely nothing to hide her hair.
“Now, when you are in a situation where two opponents are against you, what you wanna do is navigate them away from you, like so.”
Groucho grabbed Isabelle and pushed her gently to the side, where she fell dramatically in the grass. He turned to do the same to Curt.
The other bear punched him straight in the stomach.
“CUT!” yelled Ruby, rushing over to the groaning Groucho. She kneeled next to him, and sent a bewildered look Curt's way. The other bear just shrugged.
“I thought this was survival training. I wasn’t about to go easy on him.”
“I’m going to go get...medical assistance...” muttered Isabelle.
Groucho wheezed.
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“Alright guys, you’ll never believe the loot we got this time,” said Ruby with a smirk, phone camera facing her. She angled up to catch Groucho setting down the recycling box from the Resident Services building in front of her house.
“Yeah, uh, this is quite the...naughty slurp?”
“Close, devious lick,” she whispered. To the camera, she said, “Let’s see how Resident Services handles all that loose trash now!”
Meanwhile, in Resident Services
“Tom, the recycle box is gone,” pointed out Isabelle, while on her computer. Tom glanced to the side where, indeed, an empty space took the place of where the box normally was.
He shrugged.
“The box belongs to the residents in the first place. They didn’t steal anything, they just made it more convenient for them to recycle.”
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Groucho walked along the sidewalk, and stepped over a grated vent. Right as he did that, Ruby whipped around a corner with her phone trained on him and stomped his way.
“Woah, hey, sir? You’re looking a little sus there, do I need to call the police?”
“...uh...line?”
“Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!”
“Oh, right.” Groucho sighed and pinched between his eyes. “I know we said no complaining, but that just sounds...stupid, kiddo.”
“Okay, yeah.” Even Ruby’s perpetual exuberance died down after saying that, and her ears drooped. “That’s fair, we’ve honestly been scraping the bottom of the barrel for those past couple ones. Most of those are outdated anyway.”
“I wouldn’t know...” muttered Groucho, stepping off the vent.
He had been subjected to probably around thirty stupid challenges over the course of the day, and the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. Groucho thought he had been a great sport and let Ruby pull him in whatever direction she saw fit, but in the end, he just felt more confused about this whole social media thing.
“I feel like a clown,” he grumbled, turning towards the beach. Walking with him, Ruby shrugged.
“That was...kinda the point,” she admitted, which just made him sigh deeper.
Their feet met soft sand, and Groucho looked around at all the miscellaneous items Janjan had placed on the beach for some reason or another. His eyes caught sight of an open air hut, with a booth inside that was perfect for sitting down and watching the waves crash against the shore.
Groucho made his way over and scooched inside the hut. He rested his arms on the table and let out a breath. Ruby slid in across from him, eyes already on her phone with a thoughtful frown. For a moment, the two sat there in blissful silence, and Groucho was content to keep it that way.
The tropical evening breeze and the glow of the tiki torches outside the hut did wonders for settling his thoughts. He couldn’t say the same for Ruby. A glance over showed the young rabbit scrolling furiously on her phone. Her red eyes flicked from the screen to the rapidly dwindling sunlight.
“...Sorry Groucho,” she muttered after a heavy sigh. “I can’t think of anything else that might be worth trying...”
“Then I guess that means I upheld my end of the bet then,” he said. Whatever sense of victory he had turned hollow at the glum look on her face.
“...yeah,” she mumbled. She slumped forward on her paws and stared at the table, idly spinning her phone. Groucho shuffled his feet in the sand and frowned.
“Why the long face kiddo?”
“I dunno, I guess I thought this would be more fun is all. And that you’d, uh, enjoy it more.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it was all bad. Except for getting socked in the gut. I’ll hafta get Curt back for that sometime...” he muttered, but quickly shook himself back to focus. “But, uh, scuse’ me for being blunt, but how come you care so much? To be honest, I didn’t actually expect you to spend all day trying to get an old bear into this new age buffoonery.”
“I guess I just wanted to help you out. You know, bring you out of your shell a little?”
At his dubious look, she sputtered and continued.
“W-what I mean is, I always see you by yourself a bunch. Even last night you were sort of off to the side. I’ve always thought you were sorta shy, and I’ve been thinking for a while now how to actually approach you and be friends. You losing the bet just gave me a good chance to do that.”
Groucho tried to be annoyed at that explanation, he really did. All he could drudge up however was how touched he was at the gesture, despite the suffering he just endured the whole day.
He tried to fight it down, but couldn’t help the small upturn of his lips.
“So you just wanted to reach out to this old bear in the only way you knew how. What, is social media your go to way for making friends?”
Ruby snorted at that, and gestured to herself.
“More like my only way, at least growing up. I don’t know if you noticed, but this fur with these eyes? Doesn't make for the most popular kid in school, to put it lightly. Tried not to draw too much attention to myself when I was out with other kids, but I could actually be myself and have fun online.”
Ruby blinked, and Groucho saw a light blush form on her face.
“Huh. You know, don’t think I’ve shared that bit with anyone. Don’t...uh...don’t tell anyone I used to be lame, okay?”
“Lame? Way I see it, you made the best of a bad hand. Those kids wouldn’t appreciate your uniqueness, so you found others who could. I’d say that takes a pretty strong person,” he stated.
“...Awwwwwww, thaaaaaaaaanks!” squeed Ruby. She got up and rushed over to give the bear a quick hug. He grunted, but then awkwardly placed one arm around her.
“That means so much coming from you! I didn’t think you even had it in you to even be encouraging!” she said, returning to her seat. Groucho huffed in offense, then rolled his eyes.
“I’m just telling it how it is. You’re a good kid, and you need to hear that. Spend too much time trying to please other people, and you’ll forget about telling yourself you're worth it.”
“Oh, stop it! Did you read that off a fortune cookie somewhere?” she asked, giggling.
“Just something I’ve learned from experience. Best things I’ve heard have always come from the heart.” He shrugged and glanced to the side. “Maybe that’s why I can’t get into all this online stuff. Nobody on there seems to actually be saying anything of value. Nothing authentic or...useful.”
“And you’re just full of wisdom, huh?”
Groucho sighed.
“Kiddo, I got years of life experience. Just nobody who’ll listen to it.”
Ruby nodded her head, and looked off to the beach in thought. After a few moments, a coy smile grew on her face.
“...I just had one last idea.”
“...so if you ever feel like you’re not where you want to be, just try your best to be grateful for where you are. You’ll get there soon, don’t worry about the details.”
Groucho stopped recording, and after a brief moment to psyche himself up, pressed send and uploaded the video to his profile. At Ruby’s suggestion, he decided to do it early the next morning, just to ensure the most people saw it during the day.
He didn’t really think anyone would see the short little message he put out to the world, but to his surprise, a few comments began to roll in over the course of a few hours.
ZuckerSucker: I really needed to hear this today, bloop! I’ve been in a real slump, but this helped!
CleopAnkha: Not a day goes by where I do not remind myself of my greatness, but it is nice to have others recognize it as well, me meow.
CurttheHurt: So, about yesterday...
MoonRabbitRuby: <3 <3 <3 <3
The last one made him grin. Maybe there was something to this whole social media thing after all.