Work Text:
“You know what’ll be awesome?” laying on Chaeyoung’s bed, you mused out loud.
“What is?” your girlfriend hummed.
“That I get myself a drivers license, so I can drive here on my own. You know, it’s better than me hitching a ride every time I want to come over.”
You rolled over onto your side, propping your head up. You looked down at your girlfriend, who was busy typing on her phone.
“I can park in the basement, no one would know it’s me. I can even stay over without having to ask manager oppa to drive me back the next day.”
“….”
“Jyagi, are you listening?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. That sounds like a great idea.”
Apparently, though, she wasn’t really listening.
As exactly two months, one week, and five days later, Park Chaeyoung asked to break up with you.
— one week after the breakup—
There you were, sitting in your new car, on a sidewalk near her apartment complex.
The radio was playing a song that pretty much summed up your mood.
Such irony. You thought.
Ever since last week, you weren’t able to visit the places where you used to go, to do the stuff you used to do. Because of Chaeyoung.
Behind your eyelids, all you saw were pink lips and crinkling eyes. You heard chimes of laughter, heard the whisper of sweet nothings in your ear.
Getting up from bed reminded you of her; going home from work reminded you of her.
You felt stuck, the very thought of her immobilizing you.
All because of Chaeyoung.
The song ended. And with a sigh, you started the car to drive yourself back home.
— two weeks after the breakup—
You’ve heard rumors that Chaeyoung had started dating again, you had your guesses who that person was.
You knew of Her, she was a friend of Chaeyoung’s. The two of you even added each other on Instagram for some unknown reason.
You both never talked, but She’d leave hearts under yours and Chaeyoung’s posts that had the two of you in them. At least you now finally knew who those hearts were actually for.
The both of you never talked, but you knew how Chaeyoung and Her talked.
You remembered how Chaeyoung would be sending rushed texts as you walked into her room. She would deny and change the subject whenever you asked her what was wrong, but you saw how her eyes would wander.
She would stutter, she would fidget, but you let her go.
Despite the fact that she probably did unspeakable things behind your back, you still loved her. And sometimes, you hoped, that the fact alone would be enough.
But as much as you lied to yourself, you knew that it would never be enough.
Logging onto Instagram, you navigated to Her page, and suspicions were confirmed once you opened the first set of photos.
The first photo was of a sunset by the ocean, the scene looking familiar to you.
The second photo was of two shadows in the sand, one of them was holding up a peace sign.
Oh. You finally knew why the scene gave you deja vu.
It was a location that you knew all too well, this was your getaway spot.
You’ve brought Chaeyoung there, because you thought she could be trusted with your secret.
You distinctly remembered watching the waves gently caress the shore that day, while naively thinking that everything would eventually turn out okay.
— three weeks after the breakup—
Looking through Her posts, you noticed a pattern.
You saw posts of your ex and Her getting ice cream during late night drives; of them dancing in front of the refrigerator at night.
But in your mind, it wasn’t Chaeyoung and Her doing these things. No, Chaeyoung actually did those things with you.
You remembered how sweet the strawberry cream tasted on Chaeyoung’s lips; how her eyes would look as if they held the entire universe in them, glinting in the dim light, making you fall for her all over again.
There was one particular post that caught your eye.
It was a video of Chaeyoung, she was doing the cover of a song. A song that she knew you liked, but never got to play for you.
However, you saw something in it that made you do a double take.
In the midst of playing, she mouthed “I love you” to the camera.
Ah, so that was how it is.
On second thought, she probably didn’t even want to play it for you in the first place.
— one month after the breakup—
It became an unhealthy habit of yours.
After work, you’d get home and start scrolling through your ex and her Girlfriend’s Instagram.
One day, however, you came to realize that the both of them hadn’t blocked you yet. You wondered why, but at the same time, you knew exactly why.
Because you would do the same.
If it were you, you’d also rub it in their face. Make them cry, make them bleed. Make them long for the days where everything was bright and pink and warm, wish to go back to the days that were long gone.
But you were over the crying, over the sobbing, the screaming, the sleepless nights.
Instead, you navigated to Chaeyoung’s DMs.
What were you thinking?
You knew the risks of dating someone like Chaeyoung, but you had no idea that it was an entirely different kind of risk that you got in the end.
Then why did you take that leap?
You frowned at the conclusion you came up with. Perhaps you and Chaeyoung weren’t so different after all.
You were both selfish.
Selfish.
The word left a sour aftertaste on your tongue.
“I hope you’re happy now.” you typed.
You were selfish, so you still wished her happiness.
But not as happy as you, though. Who secretly chuckled in glee whenever She posted about something original that Chaeyoung did for Her; who hoped that Chaeyoung would think of you when she did those things.
“Wish that you’re suffering tho.” you added.
But you knew her, so you knew that you’d be playing right into her hands if you sent that.
You selected all of the text and deleted them, unsure of what to say.
Your fingers moved on their own.
What you came up with in the end was weak, but so was your urge to fight. You didn’t care about it so much anymore.
“Good for you I guess :)”
You hit send.
Taking a deep breath, you blocked both their accounts. Hoping that your small act of defiance could bring you even a little bit of closure.
It didn’t.