Chapter Text
Before JJ knew it, it was time to leave.
He had taken several minutes to recover from Topper’s outburst, and when he was finished with that, he found he needed even more time to wrap his head around the fact that he was going back to the Outer Banks.
Back home.
It felt strange, calling it that.
Because it was his home again, and yet it didn’t feel like it anymore.
He had only been away for a little over a month, and still, so much had changed.
He had changed.
And he knew he wasn’t the only one.
When he had cut his friends off, it had been under the assumption that he would never see them again.
He wanted to make sure they wouldn’t miss him, and he was almost certain it had worked.
But now he was going back, and though he could try, it would be next to impossible to avoid them for long.
So what was he supposed to do?
Act like nothing had changed?
Like he had never left?
Not only would that be impossible, he didn’t even think that’s what he wanted.
Josie, Oliver, Isaac, Caroline– hell, even fucking Topper – had changed him, and ignoring that felt almost disrespectful to them, and he didn’t want to forget them.
On the other side of that, though, was Wentworth.
He wouldn’t mind forgetting her.
Not at all.
By the time Topper– who had left the room to collect JJ’s things from the room Oliver had left them in-- returned, he could feel himself beginning to panic.
Because he had ruined things, and he had done it purposefully, and it had come back to bite him.
As if able to sense it, Topper was by his side in an instant, surveying him as if looking for any visible evidence of ailments.
“You alright, man?” He asked, brows furrowed in concern.
JJ was quickly learning that Topper had a few mother hen tendencies, though he had decided not to point that out, afraid it would upset the boy.
(It was true, though.)
“Yeah, fine.” he assured the blonde, nodding.
He waited, expecting the dizziness to begin at any moment.
It never came.
That was new.
Ignorant of the new development in JJ’s vision, Topper nodded back, and while he still looked concerned, JJ knew the other boy had decided to take his words as they were.
“You just about ready to go? I think the doctors are writing you a few more prescriptions– pain meds or supplements or something, I really don’t know. But after that, I’m pretty sure we’re good to go.”
“Oh. Already?” JJ asked helplessly, his heart sinking.
Because he wasn’t ready.
Not at all.
He still hadn’t gotten to say goodbye to Josie and Caroline, or even really begun to process the fact that Isaac and Oliver were already fucking gone, and if he was going to be back on the island again in basically three hours, that made things real, and it meant he was going to have to plan what to–
“Already. Unless you’re having second thoughts? Like I said, it’s up to you whether you come back with me or not.” Topper said, unknowingly shaking him out of his spiral.
He blinked hard, shaking his head slightly, as if doing so would physically throw the jumbled thoughts out of his head.
It was strange, how quickly Topper had grown to be good at reading him.
“No, not having second thoughts. Just… wanted to see Josie before we left.” He clarified, looking back at Topper just in time to see him begin to smile.
“Well, I have some good news for you!! Her nurse grabbed me in the hall, said she’s been asking for you. You’ll get to see her on your way out, just as soon as–”
As if she had been standing outside, waiting for her cue to enter, the door swung open, and JJ’s doctor walked in.
“Jesse? I’m here to deliver your prescriptions, dear.” She said, smiling slightly as she walked to his bedside.
Silently, he nodded, unsure of whether or not he was supposed to respond verbally.
Apparently, though, it was all she needed to see, because she sucked in a deep breath and began speaking.
“So you have three here, alright? The orange pill is a multivitamin. I know it seems odd to have one prescribed, but this one is specifically made for cases of extreme malnourishment such as yours, so you absolutely have to take this twice a day, alright? One with breakfast and one with dinner. This white one here is for pain– as we told you previously, your ribs are pretty badly cracked, so take this one as needed, but only as needed, okay? You don’t need to take this daily unless you have to. This last one, the capsule, is an iron supplement, which you’ll take once daily. All this information is on the bottles, but I wanted to go through it with you now to make sure you understand. Do you have any questions?”
And that was… a lot.
To say the least.
Already, he was grateful that the instructions were written on the bottles, because the doctor’s words immediately began to swirl in his sleep-deprived mind, mixing around with each other until they were essentially indecipherable.
“Um. No.”
That was true, at least.
To have a question he would have to have been able to comprehend her words at all, which he very much had not.
She nodded, though, before speaking again.
“Okay, well, just let me know if any come up, alright? Now, you–”
She paused, turning to face Topper.
“--are the one he’s leaving here with, correct?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Topper responded, looking surprised that she had chosen to speak to him.
JJ was equally surprised.
He was the patient, after all, and it’s not like Topper was responsible for his well being any more than Josie had been, so it didn’t make much sense to put any pressure onto him.
“Okay. You will need to let your guardian know that it is essential that Jesse get three meals a day, but he’ll need to start out small. Jesse, the size of your stomach has shrunk considerably, so you may experience some discomfort while eating for a little while, but that won’t last forever. We almost had to give you a feeding tube, so it’s important that both of you take this very seriously, do you understand?” She asked, directing her last of her words at JJ.
They sent a chill down his spine.
He was safe, and he knew he was safe, and yet.
Wentworth’s icy voice echoed in his head, demanding compliance.
Muscle memory saved him, and his words came out automatically.
“Yes, ma’am, I understand.”
That’s when it hit him.
He was afraid of her, and she wasn’t even there.
The same way he was afraid of Luke.
And Luke had been a much more constant, much more real threat.
So what did it say about JJ that he couldn’t handle Wentworth?
Nothing good, that’s for damn sure.
Apparently, Topper and the doctor had continued talking, because suddenly, they were gone and, in their place, there was a nurse at his side with a wheelchair.
Strange.
He hadn’t realized he had missed that much.
Wait.
A wheelchair?
“Hey, Jesse. We’re gonna take you to see Josie while your friend here fills out some paperwork, okay?” The nurse said, voice kind.
JJ shook his head.
“I can walk, sir, it’s really not a problem.” He insisted, finding that for some reason, he was embarrassed at the idea of being wheeled around, considering Isaac and Oliver had both been just fine.
Despite his protests, the nurse’s smile didn’t falter, almost as if he had been expecting it.
“We have it on good authority that as of yesterday, that was not the case, son.” The man responded, reaching down to JJ’s arm to begin unclipping the wires attached to it.
And the nurse was right.
Less than twelve hours ago, he had been so unsteady on his feet that he had to be practically carried to Wentworth’s, and though he felt better now, he knew it was unlikely that things would have changed so quickly.
“Yeah, okay. But just until I leave here, right?”
He hoped so.
Desperately.
Because the thought of anyone from home seeing him in a wheelchair–
Well.
The pogues would absolutely freak out, or, even worse, if Rafe saw it, things would be essentially over for him.
“As long as you can find the means to get around, there is no way for us to police what you do once you’ve walked out the doors.” He replied, winking at JJ as if he was sharing some sort of fun secret with him.
JJ watched wordlessly as he pulled the IV out of his arm and gently placed a bandage where it had been, before he walked around to the other side of the bed to where he had left the wheelchair.
“You ready?” He asked, already beginning to move closer.
“Ready.”
As he said it, he nodded, hoping he looked more sure of himself than he felt.
Of course he wanted to see Josie– everything he had done had been for her safety, and he needed to see that she was okay with his own two eyes before he could even think about leaving.
Slowly, the nurse helped JJ out of bed and into the chair, but he barely took notice.
Because as much as he knew he needed to see her, he was terrified to.
Would she be angry?
She was staying with Caroline, which he was sure she would appreciate, but she hadn’t asked him to do any of what he did.
Would she scream at him?
With every step the nurse took, his heart pounded a little harder, and by the time he was in front of her door, he almost felt like he was going to pass out.
He briefly considered asking the nurse to turn around, but before he could, the door had swung open, and Josie was looking right at him.
She looked completely skeletal, and ten degrees paler than she had been, and there was a feeding tube up her nose and she was clearly fucking exhausted, but she was awake , and breathing, and smiling.
Smiling.
At him.
Thank fucking god.
“Jesse, oh my god, you stupid fucking bitch, what were you thinking ??” She choked out, tears running down her cheeks despite her smile.
As soon as he was by her bedside, she reached her hand out for him to take, as if she couldn’t believe he was really there.
He understood the feeling.
“Josie, are you kidding? We had to get you out of there. I would do it all again.” He responded, placing his hand in hers and squeezing it.
And he meant it.
Because as much as every moment of it fucking sucked, he knew it was worth it.
Seeing Isaac and Oliver truly hopeful for the first time since he had met them proved that, and sitting at Josie’s bedside, hearing her voice for the first time in a week, solidified it.
Just then, there was some sort of distant commotion from the hallway, but he paid it no mind, too focused on the conversation at hand for much else.
“Jesus, of fucking course you would. You’re so… good , man. And don’t even bother denying it, I’m sickly, remember? What I say goes.” Josie said, her voice filled with faux authority.
God.
What a difference.
Twenty four hours prior, she had just had a seizure and was lying comatose, and JJ didn’t know if she’d even survive the day .
Now, she was smiling, and talking, and doing pretty damn well given the circumstances.
It made him happy.
“Hey, I’m sick too!!” He protested, though he was unable to keep the smile off his face as he said it, so he knew she could see right through him.
She rolled her eyes fondly and shrugged at him, clearly ignoring his words.
“Yeah, well, I’m worse, so. I win.”
And how could he argue with that?
“Fine, fine, whatever.” He conceded, feeling a laugh bubble up in his throat.
It was the first time he had laughed in a long time, and he knew it was the same for Josie.
It felt good.
They laughed together for a while, even through the increasing volume of the commotion, almost as if it was getting closer.
Whatever was going on out there didn’t matter, and it would surely be resolved soon, so why worry about it?
“I’m gonna go crazy without you, man.” Josie finally said, breathless through her laughter.
“Hey, you won’t be without me!! Did the guys give you your phone back? I’ll put my number in it, and we’ll talk every day. No need to miss each other, okay?” He said, nodding with a certainty he didn’t have.
Because there was no way to ensure Josie wouldn’t get her phone taken from her again.
But she knew that just as well as he did, and verbalizing it wouldn’t do either of them any good.
Better to play pretend, even if only just for that moment.
“Oliver already put your number in it for you when they came by to say goodbye, actually. But you’re right. I’m not losing touch with you.” She agreed, squeezing his hand as she said it.
Once again, he found himself immensely grateful for Oliver.
He didn’t know where her phone was, but if it ended up being on a shelf or something, he would have to call a nurse or something in to grab it for him, considering he couldn’t stand up and reach it.
“I’m, uh, assuming that’s why you’re here though, right? To say goodbye?”
His heart sunk.
Because yes, that was exactly what he had come by to do.
And he hated it.
He opened his mouth to reply– what he was planning on saying, he had no idea, but she looked so resigned that he knew he had to say something– but before he could, the door slammed open, startling him so badly he almost fell out of his seat.
Josie’s grip on his hand turned to iron, and one look at her face told him that she was thinking the same thing he was.
Wentworth.
But then her eyes landed over his shoulder, and though her grip on his hand didn’t loosen, her face morphed out of terror and into confusion.
JJ, though, was frozen, and he couldn’t turn around.
His heart was pounding, and his breathing shortened, and he knew he was panicking.
And then.
He realized that it wasn’t one person entering, but a group of people.
Five sets of footsteps, maybe six.
He couldn’t tell.
And there was a choked off sob.
And a gasp.
And.
“JJ?”
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
What?
That was Pope’s voice.
But that wasn’t right.
It didn’t make sense.
How would Pope be there?
“JJ, holy shit, is that you?”
And that one sounded a fucking awful lot like Kie.
Which also made no sense.
What the fuck?
This couldn’t be real, right?
He dug the nails of his free hand into his palm, just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.
But he didn’t wake up.
Which meant this was real.
This was real?
“Jesse, what’s going on?”
Josie.
She sounded confused, and a little apprehensive, but not afraid, which he was glad for.
He wished he had the strength to respond, but his mouth had dried out in seconds, and no words were able to pass his lips.
Slowly, carefully, he turned his chair, suddenly very strongly feeling the urge to puke.
And.
Standing behind him.
In Josie’s hospital room.
In fucking Kinston.
Was the Pogues.
And they looked shattered.
There was a choked off sob from one of them, though he had no idea who.
Sarah had both her hands over her mouth, but even still, it was clear that they were shaking.
John B. looked like he was fighting not to be sick.
Kie’s mouth had dropped open, and she was so frozen in what appeared to be shock that he wasn’t sure she was even breathing.
And Pope–
JJ didn’t have words for how Pope looked.
Confused, maybe?
Guilty? Terrified?
JJ took a deep breath.
Swallowed dryly.
And forced himself to speak.
“What are you guys doing here?”
The words came out quieter than he had hoped they would, but it didn’t matter.
All at once, they surged forward, not stopping until just before they reached his wheelchair.
“Jesse?”
Josie again.
He turned back to her just for long enough to make sure she wasn’t angry with him, and then he turned back.
Because what the fuck ?
How had they found him?
Why had they come?
There was another sob, and suddenly John B. was upon him, awkwardly maneuvering around the others to kneel down in front of his wheelchair.
Slowly, as if JJ was on fire and he was afraid of getting burned, the other boy reached his hand out until it came to rest just over JJ’s heart.
And then, at his best friend’s touch, everything became real.
John B. was here.
And JJ could see him, smell him, touch him.
Not just him, though.
All of them.
And he hadn’t seen them in a fucking month , and he had missed them so goddammed much that he had worn Kie’s too-small crewneck to sleep every night and never taken off Sarah’s bracelet and held every single fucking trace he had laft of them so dearly that the others at Wentworth’s definitely thought he was crazy.
But he didn’t have to do that now.
Because they were right fucking in front of him.
In front of him, John B. began to cry.
And JJ couldn't take it anymore.
He forced himself to let go of Josie’s hand.
Leaned forward in his wheelchair.
Wrapped his arms around John B’s shoulders.
And didn't let go, even when the other boy's shoulders began to shake with sobs.
He knew then that he didn’t need a perfect plan for his life back on the island.
All he knew was that he couldn’t live without the people he loves.
Not again.
And he would do everything in his power to make sure he didn’t.
Finally, after several heartbeats, John B. lifted his arms and hugged JJ back.
Immediately, the others stepped forward as well, each of them placing a hand on his shoulder or an arm around him where they could, not letting the barrier of his wheelchair get in the way.
And there, as he was being held by those who mattered most to him, he began to cry.