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In all honesty, now should be the best time of her life.
She has gotten her dream job as the Head Auror, something she wanted ever since she was a child. Though she initially threw herself to work to escape the emptiness of her heart after Paris, she surprisingly found herself taking condolence in trying to make the world a better place. Certainly can't complain about her promotion either. Now, her sister is also back-- alive and unscathed by both Grindelwald and MACUSA. Her baby sister has married a man with a good heart, and this love has redeemed her from falling further into darkness. She must remember to thank Jacob someday. And... Newt is back. This man who has taken her heart came back to her arms looking perfectly Newt (therefore perfect) as usual. All the long letters cannot compare to one Newton Scamander in the flesh, whom she can touch and talk to and (maybe) kiss.
And yet. Here she is, Tina Goldstein, awake at 3 am by a twirl of uneasy thoughts.
Tina sighed to herself and hopped out of bed, tiptoeing to her apartment kitchen, careful not to wake a certain someone sleeping in his suitcase.
Just as she busied herself preparing a cup of hot cocoa, a flop of messy ginger hair appeared out of the open suitcase.
"Tina?"
Tina started and smiled apologetically: "Newt! Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's quite alright. I wasn't asleep, got lost writing a paragraph on the Qilin, I'm afraid." Newt quickly reassured her while swiftly climbing out of the case, "Ah, hot cocoa. Reminds me of a certain day in December...."
"When a magizoologist carried a case full of illegal magical creatures snaked out this apartment... " Tina replied teasingly, remembering that fateful day.
"and one spectacular auror was rather keen on investigating him."
They can't help but chuckle at the fond memory.
Later, they found themselves curled up comfortably on the sofa, sipping hot cocoa and watching the flames dance in the fireplace. Just as Tina is dozing off to sleep, Newt quietly whispered to her while tucking a lock of hair behind her ear: "What's keeping you up, love?"
Tina hesitated, embarrassed to share her feelings. But she feels safe now, in Newt's arms, listening to his heartbeat, lured into a cozy state by the rhythmic movement of Newt's hand brushing her knuckles.
So she blurts out: "It's stupid."
"It's not stupid if it keeps you awake at this hour." Her Newt as usual, not willing to hear her say anything slightly self-deprecating.
"Well.. " Tina takes a moment to collect her thoughts, while Newt strokes her back in a comforting gesture.
"It's just... I should be completely happy right now, and I really wanna be happy... there's no reason..."
Her exasperation must have peeked through her words because Newt quietly states, "Yet you are not."Not a question.
"No, and I kinda feel weird about it." Tina sighs. They remain silent for several beats, each searching for the right word to say.
Finally, Newt gently says: "It's alright you know? Things have changed rather quickly, and the whole Grindelwald business is..."
"pretty balled up yeah." That they both agree.
Tina sighs again, "It's just that we can't go back to the past you know. with Queenie getting married and a war going on. I'm just a little..."
scared.
But Auror Goldstein has a bit of pride, and she hates sharing her fear with others, especially when it concerns the person currently holding her. Involuntarily, Tina traces all the people that she has lost: her parents, some friends in school who were not as close to her as she imagined, her crush in 6th grade that ended tragically, her crush during Auror training that ended even more tragically. Jacob. Queenie.
They are back now, Queenie is back. she has to remind herself. Her family is back.
But there has been so much leavings in her life that it has become easier to assume everyone will ultimately leave. At least that's before Newt. To her utter horror, she finds herself hoping, desperately hoping, that this one man won't ever leave her. As that hope grows with each of his letters and visit, her fear that someday he will leave too lingers in the back of her head. What if... What if they fight, just like what happened with Queenie, and she lost those mesmerizing green eyes forever?
These thoughts whirled in Tina's head until exhaustion (and the comforting presence of Newt) takes over.
As the fire burns low and the couple is both half-asleep, Newt mumbles dreamingly "I won't leave. I don't think I can."
Tina grunts in her sleep, a small smile gracing her face.