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Jungwon hated the news.
Jungwon loved listening to news, especially those concerning politics, but this is another case, and probably the worst he has heard in his lifetime. He blankly stared at the headlines, trying to process the announcer’s words which started sounding gibberish to his ears. Jungwon was utterly distraught that he questioned his ability to comprehend the words becoming subdued by denial.
He went to grab a glass of water and clumsily drank it, some of the water dripping down his chin. He wiped his mouth using the back of his hand and slammed the glass on the table beside the sofa. Jungwon kept on pacing back and forth, the mad beating of his heart only thundered stronger with the nonstop notifications from his phone, to which he assumed were his friends’ messages regarding the news.
The heavens noticed Jungwon’s inner turmoil when the door loudly creaked, a boy wearing a plaid shirt came into view.
Jungwon instantly became calm.
He bolted right towards the boy, circling his arms around his waist and burying his head to smell his boyfriend Kim Sunoo who just got back from the university, currently taking his master's degree.
“You missed me so much, you’re not even hiding it.” Sunoo giggled, returning the hug by tightly embracing the boy.
“You were too busy today, I feel like you haven’t eaten anything yet.” Jungwon answered, squinting at Sunoo in an attempt to scrutinize and deduce from his expression, whether his suspicion is correct or not.
Sunoo gulped in fear. “Too busy with my thesis, I don’t have time to eat.” He admitted, using his soft voice to appeal to Jungwon’s heart. ”Sorry, love.”
“Sit there.” Jungwon instructed, moving to the side while pointing to the sofa. “I’ll cook you some food.”
“You don’t have to." Sunoo insisted. Jungwon whipped his head and threw him a death stare. "C-cook well, l-love!" He nervously replied and gave in.
Sunoo dropped his bag on the sofa, eyeing the wet floor where Jungwon spilled some water earlier. Sunoo didn't bother asking and quietly wiped it away.
"Heard the news?" Jungwon monotonously asked from the kitchen.
"Yeah." Sunoo whispered.
Jungwon didn't reply. All Sunoo can hear is the sound of the boiling water. They both fell into silence, letting their surroundings fill their lack of response.
Sunoo felt his eyelids getting heavier. He laid down on the sofa with his hands behind his head. “Love, wake me up when the food’s ready. I’ll just take a quick nap.” Jungwon hummed in response, taking one glance at his lover before putting the noodles in the boiling water.
Sunoo’s dream was bad. Very bad. It was probably the worst he has ever dreamt of in his lifetime.
He dreamt of Jungwon leaving him, his cold treatment kept Sunoo glued to the ground–inert, disoriented senses not coordinating in making a brave move forward. Jungwon walked away and slammed the door shut, his footsteps ringing loud to Sunoo’s numb ears after he finally ended their 6-year relationship. “Don’t bother contacting me or going after me. We’re done.” Jungwon in the dreamland spoke.
Sunoo can’t cry nor yell. He can’t even fathom the idea that the person he loved for God-knows-how-long walked out of his life in mere seconds. Or minutes. Jungwon looked like a professor who walked out in the middle of a discussion. It was that sudden.
Sunoo tried to remember his faults and flaws. ‘Was perhaps my love became too much for him?’, he wondered, as his tears were threatening to fall. He kept on asking where he went wrong, until his consciousness slowly kicked in.
“I know your insides are feeling so hollow…” Sunoo slowly opened his eyes and saw another pair staring at him. Jungwon’s. He then realized that his head was resting on his lap. Jungwon’s fingers lightly traced and booped his nose, then started wiping the liquid under his eyes. Sunoo was crying , all because of that stupid dream.
“And it's a hard pill for you to swallow, yeah…” Jungwon sang again, wearing a soft smile on his lips.
Sunoo instantly became calm.
Sunoo was lost in Jungwon’s eyes, as if under a strong hypnosis as he cannot look at anything else but the younger boy. Sunoo reached for Jungwon’s right cheek and caressed it, carefully brushing his thumb over his skin as if he would break anytime.
Jungwon melted over the gesture and rested his cheek over Sunoo’s hand. He proceeded to kiss his palm and closed his eyes, savoring the warmth of his lover’s hand.
“You’re so pretty, so, so, beautiful. My prettiest”, Sunoo whispered, but Jungwon heard it loud and clear. His cheeks flushed red and his heart leaped in happiness.
It broke him that this could be the last time he’ll ever hear him say this.
“But if I fall for you…” Jungwon sang and took a deep breath, trying to hold the pain and the trepidation that were slowly crawling on him. “I’ll never recover…”
Sunoo noticed the shakiness in Jungwon’s voice. He held his fingers that were brushing his hair and intertwined with his. He was about to ask ‘what’s wrong? ’ but he already knew the answer to that. That news.
“But if I fall for y-yo–” Jungwon was cut off by a tight embrace and a kiss on the forehead. As if the kiss was the cue he was waiting for, he bursted into tears and sobbed on Sunoo’s shoulder.
“I’ll never be the same.” Sunoo continued the song, his left hand patting the boy’s head and the other rubbing his back to calm him down.
Sunoo cupped Jungwon’s cheeks that were glistening with tears. He wiped his tears away and started peppering his cheeks with soft kisses. Jungwon is still crying, but Sunoo’s lips were tickling him so he couldn't help but giggle.
“I really wanna love somebody…” He pressed his forehead against Jungwon, their noses lightly brushing against each other. Sunoo sang again. “I really wanna dance the night away…” Sunoo got off the sofa and stood up. Jungwon was confused when Sunoo offered his hand. “Dance with me?” Sunoo smiled.
It made Jungwon upset.
“Love,” Jungwon answered. “just–just how could you even smile after the news?” He slightly raised his voice.
Sunoo’s smile started to falter. “W-what? Is it bad to be happ–”
“You just can’t pretend that the world isn’t ending!” Jungwon shouted, his voice started cracking.
Sunoo’s eyes did not widen in realization with Jungwon’s reality check. He didn’t have an ‘Oh, right’ moment. There is no need for such moment, because he never forgot about it. He just looked at the younger man, but unlike earlier, he didn’t wear the smile he always shows.
He does not pretend, he just cannot accept it. He cannot accept that the world would end here.
Too sudden. Too soon. ‘This isn’t the life with Jungwon that I imagined’, Sunoo said to himself.
Sunoo and Jungwon used to talk about what could possibly be the reason if ever they broke up. Sunoo jokingly suggested that he would choose his dream of being a singer over love. Jungwon lightly hit him in the head and told him that he would expose him right after he debuted.
Never did they answer ‘falling out of love’ as a reason, but never did they also consider ‘end of the world’ as another option.
Jungwon stood up and went away from Sunoo. “We can’t dance our way to escape death! We can’t laugh like we haven’t heard the news about a goddamn asteroid hitting this planet!” Jungwon paused, trying to catch his breath, then spoke again. “Shouldn’t we be thinking about how to survive? N-not like this…”
Sunoo remained quiet. He showed no emotion. A blank expression and a tired pair of eyes was the sight of Jungwon. Then it dawned on him.
“L-love? Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry love, I didn’t even realize it.” Jungwon kept on apologizing. He hugged Sunoo tightly and mentally slapped his face.
Jungwon overlooked the fact that Sunoo can go home to his family and spend the remaining hours with them, but he preferred to stay with the person he loves and die with him until the end.
‘God, that fucking hurt.’ Jungwon mumbled to himself.
Sunoo snapped back to reality and reassured Jungwon, repeating ‘It’s okay, love’s every time Jungwon says sorry. “It’s alright baby, I am just as afraid as you are.” Sunoo confessed. “You are valid. Whatever you feel right now is valid.”
They stood embracing each other for minutes until Jungwon spoke. “You should eat. I think it’s already cold.”
“Don’t wanna.” Sunoo tightened the hug. “You’re warm.”
“Your stomach was growling when you were sleeping.” Jungwon teased.
Sunoo rolled his eyes and let go, kissing Jungwon on the forehead as he put his hands on Jungwon’s shoulders while the latter’s hands settled on Sunoo’s waist.
“Dance with me for a bit.” Sunoo offered him again. “We’ll eat after.” Jungwon nodded.
Jungwon looked at the sky. He stared at the orange- and pink-dusted canvas in awe. ‘Your Name’ is one of his favorite animated movies, so seeing the similarity of sky in the movie and in real life warmed his heart, but the beauty foretells the end that awaits them.
“Where were we? Oh– I really wanna dance the night away. I know we're only halfway there, but you can take me all the way ,” Sunoo and Jungwon swayed to the song, their feet syncing with one another. “if you take me all the way.”
“I really wanna touch somebody,” Jungwon continued. “I think about you every single day.”
“Really?” Sunoo teased him.
“Obviously. Who else should I think of?”
Both of them rolled their eyes on one another and they instantly laughed at each other’s reactions. Sunoo grabbed Jungwon’s left hand and held it with his right hand, their position turning into for Waltz. “I know we're only halfway there, but you can take me all the way, you can take me all the way”. They sang in unison.
They danced around their whole apartment–their living room, kitchen, bedroom, and even in the bathroom, where Sunoo slipped a little because of the wet tiles which made Jungwon cry in laughter nonstop, his head almost hitting the floor with his muted-but-gasping-for-air laugh. Sunoo grabbed their handheld shower and aimed at Jungwon. The latter was drenched with water, so he retaliated and aimed the bidet at Sunoo. They both sat on the bathroom floor, laughing at their antics and forgetting about the chaos outside.
“You're such a hard act for me to follow.” Sunoo sang, shielding himself from another water attack from Jungwon using his hand.
Jungwon raised his eyebrow. “Am I?”
“Yeah, super.” Sunoo sarcastically said.
“Love me today, don't leave me tomorrow.” Jungwon sang, snatching Sunoo’s weapon and threateningly aimed it at him.
“I won’t.” Sunoo raised his pinky finger.
“If there is still tomorrow…” Jungwon grabbed a towel and dried Sunoo’s hair. He made him stand up and draped the towel on top of his head. Sunoo did the same and dried the other’s hair, stealing kisses on the lips that made Jungwon pull the towel atop his head and throw it to Sunoo’s face. Sunoo almost slipped again while taking a step back and Jungwon went for another round of hysterical laughing.
After they completely dried themselves–or so they thought, they waltz again towards their balcony while still singing the song, occasionally slipping and falling down to the ground. Hand-in-hand, they danced with all their might while intently looking at each other, not wanting to tear off their gazes with the fear of losing the other in a fraction of second.
As the city alarms blare louder, both notice that the other’s hand started getting cold, their faces trickling with sweat, and their expressions plastered the anxiety over what goes on. Jungwon rested his head on Sunoo’s chest, and from there he could hear his raging heartbeats.
Jungwon tried making the atmosphere lighter. “Your heartbeats are fast, is it because of me?”
Sunoo smiled. He is aware that Jungwon wants to calm him down. “Nervous.”
Jungwon became quiet. He did not expect that Sunoo would not ride along. “Oh. Do you want to go to our room so you can’t hear the alarm? We can blast music if you like.” Jungwon suggested. Sunoo replied, “Sure.”
Jungwon did not let go of Sunoo’s hand, his thumb softly stroking his hand while leading him towards their room. “What song should I play? K-pop? Rock?” Jungwon asked.
Jungwon felt that Sunoo let go of his hand. He did not turn to look at him, instead, he reached for his bluetooth speaker and connected his phone.
There was no response from Sunoo.
He was about to ask him again but the latter spoke.
“I don’t have any specific song in mind, but can you play a song that would be suitable for a wedding proposal?”
Jungwon scratched his head. “Uhh, let’s see, I can’t recall any song about proposals.” Jungwon typed ‘playlist for wedding proposal’ on the search bar of his music streaming app. “Honestly, what’s with your song reques–”
Oh.
Jungwon whipped his head so fast that he immediately regretted it, because he could’ve broken his neck with the sudden motion. His sight landed first over the sky full of meteors, until his eyes looked at the boy kneeling in front of him, holding a ring.
Jungwon’s possible last day on this planet is his happiest.
When Jungwon’s eyes met Sunoo’s, the latter suddenly forgot his prepared speech. He internally panicked. Jungwon was just looking at him, waiting for whatever he was supposed to say, so it was a sign for Sunoo to forget about the speech and just speak whatever comes to his mind. “M-marry me, Yang Jungwo–”
Jungwon ran to Sunoo and clashed his lips against his. The impact caused Sunoo to lose his balance and fall down, but Jungwon quickly put his hand at the back of Sunoo’s head to protect him from the floor.
They stayed lying down for minutes, until Sunoo broke out from the kiss.
“Love, I would cry myself to sleep if you would not say ‘yes’ after that makeout session. Seriously, I just need your answer. A kiss and a tongue is not necessary but, heh, optional if you like.” Sunoo teased which earned him a light slap on the face.
Jungwon got off and stood up. He offered his hand, to which Sunoo happily reached. “I’m sorry to say, but my answer is no.” Jungwon answered with a serious expression and tone.
“Okay, be right back, I’m just gonna cry.” Sunoo went past Jungwon, but Jungwon pulled him back. “I’ll wear that ring for one condition.” Jungwon raised a deal.
“What is it, love?” Sunoo genuinely asked. “Do you want me to drive you home?” Sunoo suggested. “Maybe your family is worried for you.”
“No.” Jungwon replied. “I would wear this ring, only if you would wear this too.”
Jungwon fished out a ring from his pocket. He kneeled in front of a shocked Sunoo and said, “Kim Sunoo.” Jungwon mustered up all the courage that Sunoo doesn’t have before uttering:
“Be my finale, fiancé.”
Sunoo’s possible last day on this planet is his happiest.
Sunoo slowly walked towards the boy and abruptly kneeled in front of him which made Jungwon flinch in surprise. He put the ring on Jungwon’s finger and the latter did the same.
“Oh by the way, should my answer be the same as what you did earlier?”
“No.” Jungwon declined. “You’re a bad kisser.”
“Don’t provoke me, fiance.” Sunoo asserted.
“Then prove it to me.” Jungwon challenged.
Hours passed, and they found themselves sitting on top of their bed while watching a movie. They snuggled at each other so close that they found it hard to breathe.
And maybe, dying of suffocation due to hugging is better than getting crushed by a meteor.
When the TV screen went black, Jungwon noticed Sunoo’s expression on the reflection of the TV, making him whip his head towards his direction.
Jungwon felt a lump on his throat. Sunoo cries, but never shows an expression full of pain, regret, anxiety, frustration unlike tonight. They watched a romcom movie, and there’s no way Sunoo would cry when the lovers ended up with each other in the end.
Jungwon cupped Sunoo’s forehead. He kissed his temple, his nose, and lastly on his lips. It was a fleeting and tender kiss–one that is full of reassurance, one that tells that ‘it’s okay’.
“Baby,” Sunoo tremblingly whispered. “Why can’t we be like them?” Sunoo pointed at the TV, and Jungwon immediately understood. “Why can’t we be happy like them? Why do we have to end like this?” Sunoo sobbed. “Why do we have to die like this? I don’t want to. I don’t want to die yet.” Sunoo rested his forehead on Jungwon’s neck and snaked his arms around the latter’s waist. Jungwon felt his neck getting wet from Sunoo's tears, but he let him. He let him grieve.
“They hate lovers like u-us.” Jungwon answered. “The sky, the sea, the land–envy lovers like us, because we stood so strong that they had to ask the stars to stop us.”
“Now a meteor will stop us.” Sunoo joked, the dark humor eased their anxiety for a second. Jungwon ruffled Sunoo’s hair and kissed his head. “Yeah, a meteor will. A live adaptation of ‘Kimi No Nawa’.” Jungwon added. “But they both lived, we won’t.”
“Such a shame, isn’t it,” Sunoo asked, softly touching the other’s hand. “I still want to have your surname, baby.” Jungwon took a deep breath, trying to stop the wave of emotion from coming out of his chest. “I wanna die as Yang Sunoo.”
“S-stop it, please,” Jungwon sobbed as he covered his face with his hands, hating how his lover speaks like his death is about to arrive in minutes from now. “Stop t-talking like t-that…it’s making me realize further that–”
“What is it?”
Jungwon looked at Sunoo, his eyes mirroring all kinds of pain in his heart as he tried to tell his lover how much he loves him, with the fear that this might be the last chance for him to profess. “I h-have so much l-love to give you that is worth decades, but now that the world is ending, how do I fit a-all of this love in just a couple of h-hours? T-this isn’t fair. This isn’t r-right.”
“Then give what you can give tonight. Regardless of how little or big that love is, the fact that you are my final love in this lifetime already settles my soul in peace. The possibility of you and I living in the same universe and same lifetime is so…slim and almost close to impossible, yet the stars are generous enough to let me meet and love you.” Sunoo answered.
“The world is cruel, baby.” Jungwon shook his head. “It’s our last day, why don’t you hate it for once?”
Sunoo chuckled. “Why would I hate you?”
Before Jungwon could protest, he continued. “It was a long time ago when I last considered the world in its literal sense–this forsaken planet. When you walked in and stayed, that’s when I started forgetting what it means. You rewrote the definition. It’s you, just you. Nothing else, baby.”
“Love.”
“Hmm?”
“What do you think about surviving?” Jungwon asked, as both of them settled and sinked in the comfort of the bed.
Sunoo paused and gave it a thought before he replied. “If it’s not with you, then I will humbly turn it down.”
“Why?”
Sunoo kissed Jungwon on the lips–fleeting and tender, a kiss hinting a goodbye. “How else should I live a life devoid of you? I can’t go on walking the ground knowing you are buried underneath it.”
“Sun–”
“Whatever your final decision is–be it surviving or dying now, it’s where I’ll choose to be.”
Jungwon laughed. “Okay.”
Sunoo smiled. “Okay.”
“See you in the morning.” Surviving it is, then, Sunoo’s mind concluded.
“See you.”
“Good morning, love.” Jungwon greeted Sunoo.
“JUNGWON!” Sunoo screamed, desperately removing the debris on his body with his left hand, while his right hand tried to reach Jungwon, face covered in blood, eyes already fluttering. A big chunk of the concrete ceiling as big as his body crushed him. “Stay with me, please!”
Sunoo’s head hurts. Sunoo’s body hurts. His whole entirety hurts, but nothing compares the blinding pain that embraces his heart, like a thousand needles puncturing him mercilessly.
“Sunoo, you haven’t continued the s-song. P-please continue it for m-me.” Jungwon requested.
After Sunoo managed to get rid of the debris on his back, he stood up weakly and tried pushing off the debris atop Jungwon, grunting and exerting all the strength that he had to save his lover. “It will be okay, love. It will be f-fine–”
“That’s not how the song g-goes”, Jungwon weakly laughed.
Sunoo tried to push again, and this time, he managed to remove it and quickly carried Jungwon in his arms. “Stay, I’ll get you to the hospit–”
“You’re really hard-headed, huh?” Jungwon jeered. “But if I fall for you, I-I’ll never recover…” Jungwon sang instead.
As Jungwon kept on singing, Sunoo ran as fast as he could, tripping three times in the process, but luckily made it out of the building.
“But i-if I f-fall for y-you, I’ll never b-be the s-same.”
Staring at the scarlet sky and burning land, everything still looked beautiful yet dangerous. Everyone was screaming, everyone was trying to survive, everyone was resisting their doom.
But why?
Why is Jungwon submitting to his end?
“I c-can’t sing a-anymore.” Jungwon coarsely whispered. “Please, S-sunoo, b-baby.”
“Sing for me, please.”
Sunoo doesn’t want to sing, because he will be singing a lullaby to put Jungwon to sleep.
But the thing is, he will not wake up anymore.
Yet then again, he cannot ignore the world’s request.
Sunoo’s tears fell with the meteors, wetting his wounded cheeks, mixing with crimson. “I d-don't know w-where to start, I'm j-just a little l-lost.”
Sunoo’s voice trembled with the ground, almost the tune going offkey, but he tried to sing as beautifully as he could today, this very second, for the world to hear. For Jungwon to hear. “I wanna feel like we're never gonna ever….s-stop.”
Sunoo’s heart crashed with the skyscrapers, crumbling to dust, and he knew he could not put its pieces back into its original form. Not when the stars forcefully dug Jungwon out of his heart, like monsters clawing out and shredding his heart apart. “I don't know what to do, I'm right in front of you.”
“S-sunoo.”
“Y-yeah?”
“I am dying…but I still feel alive when I look at you.” Jungwon smiled. “You really do wonders, Kim Sunoo.”
“J-jungwon, p-please h-hold o-on. We a-are already at the hospital.” Sunoo reassured him, but the moment he stepped foot to the hospital grounds, the hope of Jungwon surviving vanished.
“Hello? P-please help u-us.” No one answered. This can’t be. There has to be a doctor somewhere.
Sunoo laid Jungwon to the floor, then carried him on his back. He tapped a lying nurse on the floor. “P-please c-can you h-help us?”
No answer.
“There must be a bandage somewhere…o-or antiseptic. Does your head hurt so bad, love?”
No answer.
Sunoo felt a weight on his shoulder. He can feel Jungwon's breath against his neck getting fainter.
“Carry me again in b-bridal style, love. So we can pretend we just got married.” Jungwon requested.
Sunoo obliged, putting Jungwon on the floor as he kneeled then carried him back in his arms. “T-there.”
“Yang Sunoo.”
“H-hmm?” Sunoo’s vision became blurry. He bit his lips hard, blood oozing out and Sunoo tasted rust.
“I told you baby, the w-world’s cruel.” Jungwon’s vision became darker.
Jungwon caressed Sunoo’s cheek one last time, “He cannot stay with you”, before his hand went limp.
“Asking you to stay, you should stay, sta– no, no, Jungwon, the song isn’t over– ” Sunoo choked, halting him from singing.
And at the same time, that’s when Jungwon hitched his last breath.
The song hasn’t ended yet, but Sunoo’s world already did.
A broken sob escaped from Sunoo’s lips, resonating hauntingly in the white walls, a forlorn response against the stars who hate lovers that should have lasted. A cruel intervention that rendered Sunoo crazy, the burning desire to rip his heart out his ribcage to kill himself spread across the narrowest parts of his capillaries, scalding his flesh excruciatingly.
Sunoo begged for any supernatural being to grant his wish. Not to bring back his love, but to die with him.
“L-let me die w-with h-him, let me d-die with him! Please! God! I d-don’t want this l-life any longer!” Sunoo held his dead lover in his arms closer, hoping his soul would be taken away too by any divine being.
“Any kind of d-death will d-do! Please e-end me…p-please…” Those were Sunoo’s last words before he succumbed to unconsciousness.
2032
“You were a survivor too?” A man named Riki asked a long haired boy who sat next to him.
Sunoo mindlessly nodded, munching on a sandwich he bought from a convenience store near an abandoned hospital. “Yeah. Sadly.”
“Sadly…” Riki shook his head and giggled. “It’s still a miracle that we managed to survive. You know, researchers were sure that all life will go extinct.” Riki slurped his noodles, eyeing Sunoo before offering it to him. “Want some?”
Sunoo stared at the noodles. He didn’t even get to eat Jungwon’s last cooked meal for him. “I’ll pass.” He declined, knowing too well that the ramen will not taste as good as Jungwon’s version.
Riki spoke again. “The world is so persistent, huh? It doesn’t want to end.”
Sunoo fulminated and giggled. “The world has already ended.”
“Huh?”
Sunoo threw away the sandwich wrapper and stood up. He opened a bottle of water and clumsily drank it, some of the water dripping down his chin.
“My world has already ended in 2022.”
He pushed the doors open and headed to the hospital, steps away from the store. He stood at the entrance, eyeing at the spot where he last saw his fiance’s face. He gripped his ring and held it tightly. He felt a sudden chill kissing his skin. Sunoo raised his head and looked at the sky conquered by darkness, the stars already illuminating the wretched surroundings.
Sunoo hated the stars.
However, now that Jungwon is one of them, he cannot bring himself to look at the sky with ire.
And again, another word has its definition changed.
One time, when Jungwon became his world.
The second time, when Jungwon became one with the stars.
Sunoo waved at the sky, hoping a star would suddenly twinkle greater in response.
But of course, that is hopeful thinking.
“I hope the cosmos takes care of you very well.” Sunoo murmured, before turning his back and going back home.
He gripped the doorknob and opened the door, wishing that a husband would welcome him, the same way Jungwon embraced him after he got back from the university.
But of course, that is hopeful thinking.
Sunoo opened the TV, an announcer reporting about a news that made Sunoo laugh.
“Another meteor crashing down”, he shook his head with a smile.
Sunoo has gone insane for anticipating his doom.
“Jungwon is finally picking me up.”