Chapter Text
It was another long day that ended with Akaashi feeling horrible. He genuinely wasn’t sure what it was that was causing this art block of his but he was hoping it would go away in sometime. The only good thing about today would be going home to his partners and getting to rest.
When Akaashi reached home, he stepped in to see the 2 of his partners asleep on the couch. Bokuto and Kenma were curled around each other like 2 kittens and the image made Akaashi smile.
“You’re back? Please don’t tell me you’re over-working yourself.”
Akaashi turned to see his final lover, Kuroo, leaning against their kitchen door, an amused smirk on his face. Akashi immediately replied back, firmly denying the previous question. He then went to wash up so that he could go to sleep, he would deal with his story tomorrow. Despite the mildly frustrating day he had, Akaashi slept like a baby.
The next day at work Akaashi was thankful he had gotten some ideas for a story. He decided to start noting the ideas down as they came and by the end of the day, he had a whole page of his thoughts written down. He sighed, at least he wouldn’t be scolded by his seniors to get working.
He went back home to find it silent. He glanced inside Kenma’s room to find him streaming and slipped away to the kitchen to grab a snack. Since Bokuto had practice and Kuroo had work, he would be alone until Kenma was done streaming.
That night Akaashi and Kenma went to sleep and woke up to find their 2 boyfriends sleeping in bed.
Akaashi woke up, got freshened up and went to make breakfast for his lovers and himself. As the 4 of them ate, Akaashi looked through his messages to find his editor had sent him 30 messages urging him to get started on new stories.
Oh, great! He had to now hear his editor, `nagging him as soon as he reached work. The day was just getting started and Akaashi felt exhausted. He was quick to finish up and take off for work, waving goodbye to his lovers.
As he had predicted, he was met by his frantic editor and manager, both immediately dragging him to his place. Akaashi decided to get to work, he had a few ideas from the previous day that he could use. Maybe he could even get started on some character sketches and vague plot.
Well, things didn’t go as he expected. The ideas he had noted down weren’t all cohesive, not all of them fit together and today was simply him figuring out which genre he wanted to do and how his main character should be. Akaashi packed up and was on his way home when he got a call from Bokuto.
“Hello, Bokuto-san? Why are you calling me now? I am almost home.”
“Hey, hey, hey! Keiji, Ken-Ken has been called for a convention and the team is going to the same place to meet a few fans and so we are going to be gone for 8 days. We were trying to call you all day but I guess you were really focused on work.”
“Oh, I’m sorry for not answering, I was quite……busy.”
“It’s okay, Kuroo should be home with dinner for the both of you, eat and sleep well! Bye, love you!”
“Love you too Bokuto-san, convey my love to Kenma.”
“Of-course Keiji, goodnight.”
Just as he hung up, he was home again. As soon as he was inside, he found Kuroo in front of the TV with food. Akashi was out of the shower in a few minutes and after eating, him and Kuroo fell asleep cuddled together.
The next day at work, just as Akaashi thought he would get some peace, he had his editor breathing down his neck again. Apparently, romance would not work out and that there was a demand for something in fantasy or action genre.
Akaashi felt hopeless, fantasy and genre required a lot more thought and planning than romance did. The plot also couldn’t have any plot-holes, that was what Akaashi struggled with the most. He decided to try and work something out.
Maybe he could have 2 or 3 protagonists, the chosen one trope was a go-to for this genre. He also wanted to have strong women in his story who could also be sweet and nice. Maybe he should just keep magic, or have physical advanced abilities. Maybe a dark, twisted world, or a light hearted one. Akaashi had many options and he felt like pulling out his hair.
The next 6 days consisted of Akaashi drafting and world-building, the reason he succeeded was because he was smart enough to always note down any ideas he had, so now quite a few of his old ideas helped him create a new world.
After showing his editor his vague drafts, he was immediately praised for at least getting a base. However, all Akaashi could remember was his anxiety to finish and make sure he didn’t disappoint anyone to the point he had been leeching ideas off of Kuroo, who was being a dear, and amused his requests for ideas.
It was only the beginning, since he still had to face his greatest enemy, the plot of the story. He let out a shaky breath and shook himself off. He just had an art-block, but he would get right back to working and won’t have to worry much. With that internal pep talk, Akaashi took off, determined to relax a bit with his partners who were returning that evening.
Akaashi was welcomed home by a clingy Kenma, probably tired of socialising at the convention. Bokuto was on him as well hugging him tightly, thankfully Kuroo distracted the loud owl-like man with brownies, and Akaashi was thankful.
He felt a small weight lifted of his shoulders just being with the 3 of them, they just made him comfortable and he could get his mind of work.
They decided to watch a movie, maybe a few Disney classics because they could and settled down with some snacks, snuggled up next to each other. As they were enjoying their time Kenma spoke up softly
“You know Keiji, it’s amazing how dedicated to your work you are. You never seem too lazy to work and always have some idea or the other. You are surprisingly passionate about your work but you shouldn’t push yourself to work. Kuroo informed us about the past week, so please be careful.”
It was rare to get such a straightforward compliment from Kenma, and Akaashi should have been happy, and yet, the statements Kenma had made frustrated him. He got up suddenly, turning on his heel and slamming his room door shut. His partners were left staring, confused on why he had acted like that.
“He seemed frustrated, almost sad.” Noted Kuroo, who had managed to get a look at Akaashi’s usually apathetic face, filled with emotion.
Akaashi was in his room, face in his hands, as he tried to calm himself. He had felt the need to scream that all Kenma had said was false.
He had been feeling too lazy to work the past week or so, that was his laziness stopping him from working which caused trouble for his editor and manager. He couldn’t be called passionate if he was feeling the need to stop working or not work at all. How could he be a good manga artist if he was struggling so much with expressing and articulating himself? Could he even be called good?
While Akaashi felt regretful for acting rude towards his partners, he felt drained of energy and went to sleep with those negative, anxious thoughts on his mind.
The next morning Bokuto, Kenma and Kuroo tried to talk to Akaashi or at least check if he was alright. Akaashi however, acted like nothing happened and took off or work.
At work he got started on character designs, they were the part he loved the most. Characters he could build up, and create however he wished. There were so many ways he could go about designs and personalities and he enjoyed every minute of it. However, a few comments from some co-workers had his mood dropping.
“Oh, Akaashi-kun, nice to see you snapped out of your laziness and got started on your work again.”
“Oh, so you stopped struggling with expressing your ideas? That’s good, you need to be able to articulate your ideas to be a good manga artist.”
“Its nice to see you gained back your passion and came to work hard Akaashi-kun.”
They all meant well, but it was aggravating. Akaashi was reminded again of the problems he had. He couldn’t understand it, it had happened so suddenly and he didn’t know why he was feeling this way. Before he knew it, he was spiralling, thinking about all that had led to this and how pathetic he was. He was done with work and Akaashi felt sick.
As he was on his way home, Akaashi’s mind was racing. He managed to pull himself together before entering his home. He found only Bokuto and Kenma at home, looked to their group chat to see Kuroo was staying late at office. Just as he plans to quietly escape any personal talks Bokuto catches him.
“Keiji, please tell us what’s going on? You’ve been pushing us away, is something going on at work?”
Kenma is speaking up next, “Yeah, I’m sorry if I accidently said something that hurt you, yesterday night. Please just tell us what’s going on.”
Akaashi felt guilty that he had made them worried and immediately replied,
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong Kenma, nothing is going wrong with me, I just felt sleepy.”
He shot off before they could continue the conversation and entered the shower. He was horrible, he had made one of his partners feel bad for something that wasn’t even his fault, so as a punishment for himself he would sleep alone today. He managed to choke out a few excuses before slipping back to his room.
Akaashi barely slept, plagued with negative thoughts of his lost passion and lost energy, and his laziness. He felt like shit. By the next morning Akaashi was even more determined to not bother them, he simply had to focus and get his job done and over with.
He was out the door right after breakfast, trying to brush off how worried his partners were.
Now at work, he had to get to the plot, he was dreading it but he would have to manage. Maybe he could do a magic-based world, or an apocalypse type world. He could also make it an older-world, however modern world would allow him to integrate technology into it.
As Akaashi was breaking his head, he managed to make good only with the details. He then clicked his tongue in annoyance, he always got caught in details rather than getting the whole plot. Trying to figure out the endings was the worst.
At the end, his editor was muttering about him losing his touch and Akaashi understood that his editor was also under stress but the mumbled comments left Akaashi in a bad mood, that continued even when he reached home. He ended up snapping at Bokuto who was talking excitedly about practice and how well it was going for him.
Akaashi had felt himself wince when he saw Bokuto’s good mood plummet. He was immediately saying apologies before once again going to his own room.
Good lord, first a bad writer and now a bad partner, how much more was he gonna mess up? Once again, Akaashi had a sleepless night, twisting and turning in bed.
The next morning, he almost dropped boiling hot coffee on himself and Kuroo, who was immediately questioning if he was alright. Considering he had bags under his eyes and was swaying in the morning, Kuroo guessed not.
That day was horrible for Akaashi, along with the following 4 days, where he was either at work freaking out along with his editor over the plot and feeling worse, or at home in a depressed mood, partly avoiding his lovers [who were all getting increasingly more worried and frustrated themselves].
So, once again, here he was at work, finalising his plot. After this he would have to work on the story writing, which he had already started 3 days ago.
Akaashi had just submitted his work, and the reply from his editor wasn’t great.
“Akaashi-kun, I don’t know what has happened with you. It seems like you have lost your energy. It took you longer than it should to get started on writing the script and getting the rough sketches ready. You realise that there is a deadline we need to meet? You need to focus and get this done without being lazy.”
His editor turned away after that.
Akaashi sucked in a breath, hands trembling from his pent-up emotions. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t understand it himself.
He was breathing heavily, trying to calm himself down and not pay attention to the negative thoughts running in his head. He felt his chest tighten for a moment, feeling breathless. He vaguely registered reaching into his pocket to call anyone.
Akaashi brought the phone up to his ear he didn’t feel breathless anymore, but he needed to hear any one of his lovers’ voices.
“Hey, Keiji, what do you need? It’s a bit late, do you need any of us to pick you up? I can come, I was just playing games.”
Akaashi felt relief flood him at hearing Kenma’s soft, calm voice. He was quick to reply, “I’ll be coming home Kenma, I just needed to hear your voice cause I felt anxious.”
“Oh, Akaashi are you alright? You’re calm now, right?”
“I’m fine Kenma, I’ll be home in some time anyway. Bye.”
Akaashi hung up and then took off home, maybe he should talk to them before things got worse. He’d be under a lot more stress while making the manga. Deciding he wanted to talk and actually having the courage to talk were 2 separate things as Akaashi discovered.
He was in the living room, sitting in awkward silence with his lovers, it seemed like it would drag out until Bokuto snapped, predictabily, and spoke up.
“Keiji, baby, we are all worried about you, you look like you’ve been barely sleeping and have been in a bad mood lately. Plaese tell us what’s going on.”
Kenma surprisingly, was next, “Yeah, you have avoided us the past few days and literally felt panicky at work! You also seem tired all the time, you can talk to us, you know. I might understand some of the anxiety you feel.”
Kuroo was next, “Love, you need to let us in if we have to help you. I know you are usually the caretaker and so feel like you can’t let us in but I thought we were over that. Please, tell us what has got you so stressed. Are you genuinely, okay?”
That was what it took for Akaashi to break, and he started crying quietly, and as though they had been prepared their whole life, Bokuto and Kenma moved in immediately. Bokuto’s firm arms were wrapped around Akaashi reassuringly, and Kenma was kneeling in front of him cupping his face.
The next second, Kuroo was quietly mumbling about how everything was okay and that Akaashi would be fine. He believed it.
It took sometime for Akaashi to stop crying, now he was sniffling while Kuroo went into the kitchen to get something for them while they talked about Akaashi’s problem.
“Tetsu expected that we would at least talk a bit about this today so he made onigiri and some cookies for us to get through this conversation. Ken and I just watched and made a mess.” Bokuto said, trying to make Akaashi comfortable, and ready for the conversation.
As soon as they settled down, Akaashi opened his mouth and it all came spilling out. He had been supressing it for so long, he couldn’t help it. By the end of his rant, Akaashi felt himself gasping for air. Part of him felt relieved, letting that out was amazing however he also felt worried, what would they think, would they be willing to deal with all of this.
“Love, I didn’t know you felt this way, I’m so sorry we didn’t notice, we will do better how can we help you? Should we take care of you more? Maybe we should sit and listen to you more, you could get it all out.” Bokuto was immediately speaking, desperate and guilty.
“Bokuto-san, this may be something that Akaashi should get some external help for this, like I had that therapist. Akaashi, I’m also sorry I didn’t notice. We should talk more, though I’m not sure how much we can help.” Kenma was next to put in.
“Keiji, honey, like Kenma said, maybe you should talk to a professional, if you want. But, usually, loss of energy can come from loneliness, or maybe you felt overwhelmed having to make sure you don’t disappoint others. You know we love you, you don’t need to push yourself. So, let’s work on that, we can talk to you more and maybe be around more. I’m sorry, for not noticing before.” Kuroo was the last, as composed and empathetic as ever.
Akaashi felt himself tearing up again, thankful his partners were so understanding and willing to help.
“Can I come back to the therapist thing later? I want to think on it.”
They were immediately agreeing, and the four of them cuddled together, eating and binge-watching Naruto [ Bokuto’s suggestion none of them can say no to].
Akaashi wasn’t magically, completely fine, however he felt better and was now ready to work on his issues with his open partners.
Things were going well in the BokuAkaKuroKen house.