Work Text:
The clock was ticking.
Wilbur could hear it through the door from the hallway; the big, wooden clock that was counting down his hours. Why his parents still had it, where they had even gotten it, was a mystery to him. Usually he was glad it was there. His wristwatch kept stopping and every time he got it going again it needed to be set to the right time. The clock in the hallway never stopped, so it was perfect–
Concentrate.
Tick.
Time was running out.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
He fastened his grip on his pen, the pen he was holding for no reason at all because he was only reading anyways, not even reading, just staring at the page blankly, begging for the words to just go into his brain. How often had he read this paragraph? Four times? Five? What did it say? Something about mRNA. Nothing he knew, nothing he was going to learn till tomorrow, what had he been thinking?
Drip.
Someone had left the tap open in the bathroom. Must’ve been one of his little brothers.
Drip.
He still needed to make dinner.
Drip.
And go grocery shopping for his parents.
Drip.
And schedule a doctor’s appointment for Ted’s cough
Drip
Somehow get the money for that in the first place
Drip
Why did he have to get sick, why did he have to get sick now?
Drip
Why didn’t he drop out when he still had the chance why did he
drip
think it a good
drip
idea
drip drip drip drip dripdripdripdripdripdripdri–
He jumped up, almost kicking his chair back in the process, stormed over and pulled the door open.
“Turn off the tap in the bathroom, it’s not that hard, is it!”
Ted and Troy looked up at him with wide eyes from the hallway floor.
Ted looked at Troy, who averted his gaze, got up and trotted to the bathroom.
Wilbur closed the door again.
Closed his eyes.
Unclenched his fists.
It was fine, this was fine.
He had managed to pass countless tests before. He hadn’t done well, but he had managed without studying, and this time he had studied, all he needed to do was pull an all-nighter to fill in the last details, if only his mind would cooperate.
He just needed to concentrate, he could do this.
The gust of fresh air when he opened the window of their small bedroom hit him like a brick wall – he hadn’t been aware of how stuffy the air had gotten. He maneuvred his way past the crammed desk and the chair that annoyingly creaked every time he shifted his weight on it and towards the bunk bed.
He fluffed out the pillow of the lower bunk, then shook and folded the blanket. Repeated the process with the top bunk, then carefully sat Ted’s stuffed lion that had fallen to the ground back in its place next to the pillow with an internal sigh of relief – had Teddy found his favourite toy face down on the floor he would’ve had a crying mess on his hands.
He couldn’t shoulder that today.
He glanced over at his sofa under the roof slope, the sheets still ruffled from the night. A nice nap…
No.
Sit down on the chair, take the book, take the pen, read the text.
He rubbed the sleeve of his denim jacket between his fingers to ground himself.
Tick.
The clock was ticking, literally and figuratively, but he couldn’t pay attention to that, he just had to try. He had stuck around in school for too long to fuck up his finals at the end of the route.
Back to it.
There was a knock on the door.
Wilbur closed his eyes.
A cough from outside, and another knock.
He closed his book.
“Yes?” he asked.
The door creaked open and in came Ted, Troy looming just behind him in the doorway.
“We’re hungry” Ted said, “We want food.”
“Right.” Wilbur nooded. “Do you think you can make something on your own today? For the two of you?”
Ted shook his head: “Don’t wanna.”
Wilbur forced a smile. “I understand that, but I’m really busy today. I promise I’ll make you something good tomorrow.”
“Tomatoes in marshmallow?”
“Yes!” he quickly agreed, “Yes, Tomatoes in marshmallows an and frozen berries as dessert. How does that sound?”
“Good. But we want food now.”
Wilbur gritted his teeth. Ted was nine. He didn’t understand the importance of Biology finals. All he knew was him and Troy were hungry and Wilbur usually was the one who made food. Of course he didn’t want to go look for something in the kitchen on his own all of a sudden.
He couldn’t lose his temper with them for something like that.
“Fine” he said, getting up from his chair. “Of course. Hold on, I’ll be back in a minute.”
He pushed past the two of them, down the stairs, and slowed down when he passed by the living room. He heard their mother snore inside, but their father wasn’t making noise. Maybe he was out somewhere. Or maybe he was dead on the floor. Wilbur didn’t have the time to check, nor did he care to.
For good measure, he snuck past, quietly opened the kitchen door and closed it behind him.
He had to go through a few cupboards to find something – he really needed to go grocery shopping – but ultimately came up with some toast, cheese, a pre-cooked egg and, to his delight, an only slightly crumpled orange, Ted’s favourite.
“The 5' cap consists of a terminal 7-methylguanosine residue and that is linked through a 5'-5'-triphosphate bond to the first transcribed nucleotide” he muttered to himself while getting out plates, trying to repeat what he had last read in his textbook. He suspected that this whole ordeal would be easier had he actually taken regular notes in class instead of just scribbling on his paper.
Too late to regret.
The only way to go was forward.
He returned to the bedroom a few minutes later, closing the door behind himself and sitting down on the ground with Ted and Troy, handing them their plates, and the orange to Ted, flashing him a brief smile: “Share this with your brother, alright?”
Ted looked at the orange, then at Troy, then him in the eye: “No.”
Wilbur looked back at him, saw the determination in Ted’s eyes. He was testing him.
“You’ll need to share this–“
“No.” Ted’s refusal was subdued by a cough, but he continued to stare him down.
Wilbur pinched his nose. He didn’t have the time, nor patience for this today. He already felt anger and pent up frustration bubbling under the surface, ready to burst out at any point.
“Fine. Don’t share, then” he said, “Troy, do you want an egg instead?”
“No” Troy shook his head. “I want the orange. Why can’t Ted share?”
“He can share, he just doesn’t want to”, Wil shot a pointed look at Ted. “Hand me the orange, please.”
“No.”
“Ted. Give me the orange.”
“No!”
Wilbur let out a groan. “Ted. Please. I’m under pressure right now, I don’t have time to discuss this with you–“
Ted stuck out his tongue at him and blew a raspberry.
Troy laughed, then he seemed to remember whose side he needed to be on to get his orange and, without a warning, leapt at Ted, trying to wrestle the orange out of his hand.
Troy had the element of surprise going for him but Ted was taller and stronger, so he quickly had Troy pinned on the ground.
“Stop that” Wilbur commanded, but it was met with nothing but ignorance while the two boys were brawling; kicking and clawing at each other for the orange.
“Stop it” he demanded again, sharper, but with the same result. He got up and walked the few steps over to them, when Troy managed to sink his teeth into his brother’s earlobe.
Ted screeched and let go of the orange, which rolled underneath the bunk bed, to claw at Troy’s face with both hands.
“BOTH OF YOU. OUT.”
Wilbur didn’t realize the volume and tone at which he had been yelling until he saw his brothers actually stop in their tracks and look up at him in surprise – and maybe a bit of fear but he’d worry about that later. He, frankly, didn’t care right now. They had stopped, they were finally paying attention, and maybe they would even leave him in peace until their bedtime. That was all he cared about right now.
“Didn’t you hear me?” he asked sharply when they didn’t move. “Out. And don’t bother me again until I come and get you. Understand?”
Neither of them responded, but they turned around and shuffled off, heads hanging, without taking their food.
Seemed like they hadn’t needed it that badly after all.
Wilbur felt a lump in his throat when the door fell shut behind them, but he pushed it aside. He didn’t have the time to worry or feel bad. It was one more exam. One more exam and then he’d be done.
He’d never have to return to school, never have to sit through boring classes again, only to then realize he had dozed off or lost focus and not understood a word. No awkward talks with teachers again, no one who told him to do better, or bullshit about wasted potential, or to “finally start trying”. He could punch their stupid faces, what did they know?
Just one more test.
One more test tomorrow and then a future was waiting for him where he could finally do what he wanted to do. Maybe even go to college on a partial scholarship if he did well enough. Study something interesting, meet new people, actually make friends when he wouldn’t need to be home all the time. Have a room of his own, finally get away from that shitty couch that hurt his back every fucking night, leave this gloomy, stinking house, for the weekdays at least, get a life of his own–
But not to get ahead of himself. First, he needed to finally turn on his stupid brain and memorize about 100 pages of Biology in a night. Good luck with that.
Back at the desk.
Open the book again.
Peel the egg.
No, what the fuck, don’t peel the egg, study.
Put the egg away.
Ignore the whizzing of the fan.
Text.
Read.
Think.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
Focus.
__________________________________________________________
“Wil!”
The door flew open and Wilbur’s head shot up from the page he had been bent over, looking at his little brother, alarmed:
“What is it?”
“Ted said I have to get you”, Troy said, looking up at him timidly from the doorway – he probably hadn’t forgotten his outburst from earlier. Wilbur sighed. He had just gotten into it, Had actually started making decent progress.
This was shitty timing.
“I’ll be there in a minute, I just need to–“
“He says he’s gonna pass out but he says you’ll be angry if he tells you.”
Wilbur froze. The cool air now sent a chill down his spine. He swallowed, slowly moved over and knelt down to be closer to Troy’s height.
“Why would he think that?” he asked, trying to hide the slight tremble in his voice, but he couldn’t keep the guilt from seeping through.
“Cause you don’t want to see us”, Troy said,
Wilbur closed his eyes and looked down, carefully took Troy’s hands.
“Of course I want to see you” he said. “I’m sorry I yelled earlier. I–“
He stopped in his tracks, finally processing entirely what exactly Troy had said.
“Shit” he jumped up again, “Where’s Ted?”
“Bathroom” Troy said. “We were brushing our teeth.”
Usually, Wilbur would’ve had words of praise for them doing it all on their own without a reminder but right now his mind was somewhere else, so he rushed out the door and into the bathroom, where he found Ted sitting on the bath mat looking miserable.
“Teddy, are you alright?” he asked, kneeling down in front of Ted and carefully taking him by the shoulders to stabilize him. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”
Ted wouldn’t know that, he couldn’t know that, how would he, he was a child, but neither did Wilbur, so how was he supposed to–
Ted shook his head. “S’fine again” he muttered. “Just got dizzy. I wanna go to bed.”
Wilbur nodded and carefully scooped him up, carrying him over to their room. Ted leant his head against his chest and he felt a wave of relief wash over him – maybe his outburst hadn’t been too scary.
He gently set Ted down on the upper bunk of the bed and pulled the blanket over his small frame. He was thin, maybe he should’ve gotten him better food. He should go to the library, do some research on healthy eating and nutrition. He should’ve done that long ago. There were so many things he could’ve done better.
Ted coughed and the worry returned.
“Are you getting enough air?” Wilbur asked, “Do you have any trouble breathing?”
Ted shook his head. “’nough air” he muttered, “Just tired.”
Wilbur nodded and stroked his head, then pressed his palm against Ted’s forehead. He was warm, but not burning up. That was good, probably.
“I’m sorry I made you stay out of our room all day. Had I known–“ He interrupted himself. He had known Ted was sick. He just hadn’t deemed it serious enough to put it first. His final had seemed more important to him than the health of his little brother. He was a selfish–
“Wil?” Ted had propped himself up on his elbow, reaching out to him with the other hand. Wilbur quickly took it and squeezed it, looking at Ted softly.
“Why did you get so angry earlier?”
Wilbur swallowed the lump in his throat.
“It wasn’t because of you, not primarily. It wasn’t nice of you to not want to share, but I wouldn’t have yelled. It’s– I have to do a lot of things at once right now and I don’t know if I can do them, not well enough at least, and that’s a lot of pressure. I let it out on you, but I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Ted looked at him intensely for a moment, then cocked his head.
“Is it okay? The pressure?”
He felt tears sting in his eyes, quickly blinked them away, just for them to immediately return like nasty little traitors that wanted to prove him a liar to his brother.
“Yes” he said, “Of course. It’ll turn out fine and I’ll finish school, and then I’ll go to college and get a job, and then I’ll come by on the weekends and get you cool stuff for school and cook you real food, just you wait.”
Ted nodded, then sat up and threw his arms around Wil.
“I’ll miss you” he muttered into his shoulder.
This time, as the entire guilt of planning on leaving hit him, Wilbur couldn’t keep the tears away, no matter how hard he tried.
“I’ll miss you too” His voice broke. “But I’ll be here on the weekends, and whenever you really need me, I’ll get a phone, you can call me. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
How could he promise something he didn’t know?
How could he promise that they would be alright without him without being able to see into the future?
What if he was making a mistake, being a selfish asshole for wanting to build his own life, prioritizing his future over taking the best care of his brothers?
Maybe he shouldn’t try to study, stay home, get a job nearby, and–
“Wil?”
Wilbur quickly loosened his grip around Ted and let go of him, running his sleeve over his face. “Yes?”
Ted looked at him with a serious expression: “You gotta study. If you get a bad grade your teachers will call like they do with me.”
He hesitated, then nodded. He took Ted’s temperature with his hand again. “You sure you’ll be okay here?”
Ted nodded, too, smiling up at him. “It’s just a cough. I can handle that, I’m a lion!”
Wilbur sighed half in exhaustion, half in relief, then chuckled and pressed a kiss to Ted’s forehead. “Yes, you are.