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It really was just another day for Haechan and Renjun, spending time together in the Dream dorms. The other members were holed up in their rooms like usual, and the two of them were left in the living room, letting the television play some Netflix movie he doesn’t even remember the title of for background noise.
They’re playing an intense game of Uno, the deck bought and sponsored by Jeno which Haechan had stolen from his room without him knowing. He watches Renjun squirm in his spot, two cards left in his hand and Haechan with only one in his. He was always able to best Renjun at this game, or most games for that matter, and today was no different.
Renjun meets his eyes as he flicks his card, but the moment he dropped it, Haechan was able to beat him to shouting ‘Uno!’ at the top of his lungs. Renjun shouts dramatically, hand immediately going up to hold the back of his neck like his head’s about to snap, and Haechan can’t help but laugh at Renjun’s misery, from how cute his expression is, the way it contorts to annoyance at Haechan being better at games than him— again. Unable to help himself, Haechan reaches over towards the other and begins to wrap his arms around Renjun’s smaller frame.
This is normal for them as (best) friends, of course. Haechan, latching himself around Renjun like a koala, like he can hardly live without having Renjun’s warmth in his grasp. And it’s instinct at this point when he leans in, all up Renjun’s personal space, to kiss his cheeks, or his neck, or the closest patch of skin that Haechan can reach.
When his lips come into contact with the length of Renjun’s neck he leans back with a triumphant grin, and normally Renjun would have an annoyed look in his face from Haechan teasing him again. Yet this time, Renjun’s expression is anything but .
Their faces are close, too close —they’ve been close before, but never with this type of electricity in between them, that has Haechan trying to gulp down the inexistent rock in his throat, and has him trying so hard to maintain Renjun’s stare and keep his eyes from straying downward to his lips.
Renjun’s eyes are unwavering though, his gaze is surprisingly clear, intense… purposeful . And he’s leaning in, and leaning in, until Haechan laughs awkwardly and begins to pull away, or more like run away, to maintain some distance between them. But the thing is, Haechan never folds first, which must be why he can see the ghost of a smirk on Renjun’s lips.
A second of silence, and then Renjun’s back to his usual self—frustrated at his loss, yet the shadow of a smile still on his face. They go for another round after Renjun’s insistence, but Haechan’s thoughts are clouded while he plays, and he ends up losing to the other who loudly cheers.
When Renjun excuses himself to the kitchen to get them some beer from the fridge, effectively turning his back on the other, Haechan quickly places a hand over his chest. He can feel his heartbeat running miles per second, before he slowly lets his hands climb up to his cheeks, which are hot from the blood that has rushed to his face.
What the hell was that?
Renjun comes back with two cans, and sits down in front of Haechan once again, who has managed to compose himself albeit minimally. Haechan’s lips are pressed into a thin smile as he accepts the can from Renjun, who doesn’t seem to notice that anything’s wrong with Haechan internally, until he watches Haechan trying to gulp down the can of beer in one sitting—to calm the nerves, really, because he doesn’t think he can face Renjun sober. Which is questionable, because why is he reacting like this in the first place? They’ve done that a hundred times before. Renjun raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you okay?”
“Yep. Totally.” Haechan answers, but it comes out monotonous, and slips through his mouth a little too quickly. Renjun pops open the can then, and a bit of foam spills outward. Haechan can’t help but look away when Renjun licks his fingers clean. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with him today?
Renjun squints his eyes at him. “You’re just acting a bit weird…”
“Weird? Me? I’m always weird.” Haechan tries to laugh it off. He realizes that, ah, that doesn’t make sense, and his cheeks are heating up for a completely different reason now. Renjun grins at him as he takes a swig, before taking a jest at the other. “Weirder than usual, then.”
Haechan doesn’t say anything. He refuses, lest he says something he shouldn’t. Like how it’s because for once, he’s more conscious of Renjun’s presence—how he’s become more aware of the heat emanating from the latter, of how his eyelashes flutter ever so slightly, of how the dust on his cheeks from the alcohol color his skin nicely, or of how Renjun's tongue catches the stray drop of beer on his lips… ‘okay stop, stop, stop thinking, Haechan.’ He’s having a moral dilemma here, but there’s this knowing look in Renjun’s gaze, and what he says next has Haechan choking on his drink.
“Are you flustered because of a while ago? I just thought that you were going to kiss me.”
He says it so nonchalantly, like it isn’t some Earth-shattering revelation. Haechan can barely even reply because of the burn in his throat. “ What ?”
“Well, you always try to kiss me.” Renjun shrugs his shoulders.
“I just… I don’t…” Well, he’s not right, but he’s not completely wrong is he? Haechan does want to kiss Renjun most of the time, because he’s cute—platonically speaking. But friends don’t really try to kiss each other all the time now, do they? Haechan’s mind is fumbling, and the smirk on Renjun’s lips doesn’t help.
“ So why don’t you just ask? ”
One can describe Haechan’s inner turmoil right now like a pin drop. If the pin drop was by a nuclear bomb from another dimension, that is.
“What.” This time it isn’t a question, but a declaration of mind-fuckery on Haechan’s part, because Renjun has to be joking right now, and yet his gaze is anything but.
“If you want to kiss me.” Renjun begins again, before pointing his index finger at his supple lips… wait, supple? “Here.” —Haechan really can’t help but stare; he almost zones out, really— “Just ask next time.”
“I…” Haechan gulps. “ Huh? ”
Again, he doesn’t know if Renjun’s serious. Renjun rarely ever jokes about things like this; it’s usually Haechan, and now it’s coming back to bite him in the ass. He wants to know, desperately , but before he can ask the other who has been staring at him silently this entire time, the door to Jeno’s room opens and out comes the man in question with Jaemin following suit. Jeno then gasps dramatically for effect, pointing at the drinks in their hands.
“Why are you guys drinking without us?” Jeno asks, and he takes the spot right beside Renjun, while Jaemin sits beside Haechan. There goes his chance to talk to Renjun, who has seemed to completely forget about his existence and has already turned to look at Jeno.
“You guys don’t like to drink all that much, though.”
“Well what if we wanted to?” It’s Jaemin who replies this time . Renjun furrows his brows at him, before shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip out of his can, as if to say ‘that’s fair.’ Jeno’s eyes then glance over the mess of Uno cards on the floor, making an affronted ‘oh?’ sound, but none of them heed him any mind other than Jaemin, who tells him to knock on Jisung’s door and invite him to join them.
“I’ll go get you guys beer, then.”
Renjun hums, and Haechan swears that he met Renjun’s eyes for a millisecond when the latter stood up from his spot, before he looked away again, but this time with a tight smile on his face. Then, just like that, he went to the kitchen, while Haechan is left to deal with the raging thoughts in his mind and the incessant beating of his heart.
“You aren’t latching yourself onto Renjun today like usual.” Mark tells him while the former is helping him stretch his back. They’re in the practice rooms today, their comeback just right around the corner so they’re busy preparing in the mornings and flitting from one place to another. Chenle loudly laughs beside them, before quipping. “They probably had a lover’s quarrel.”
They are definitely saying these things in jest, but Haechan could barely fall asleep last night because he kept thinking about Renjun, and their moment, and the other’s words, and maybe even his lips. Just maybe —his mind has been filled with a lot of maybe’s lately. Before Haechan can retort, to defend himself, or even joke back just to make it seem like what they said didn’t cut deep through him, Renjun is already walking up to them, wearing the same red hoodie like usual which always smells like fabric perfume and makes him softer to hug than usual. Haechan is itching to hold the other again, but he holds himself back.
“What are you guys talking about?” Renjun hums as he takes a seat in front of Haechan, who only shrugs his shoulders and clears his throat. They’re left alone when Chenle points around Jeno’s direction, and the former pulls Mark with him to go to the others. The two of them sit there in relative silence before Renjun points to his back, to make Haechan help him stretch just like how Mark did to him. Haechan nods, and he tries not to be sensitive to the feeling of Renjun’s warmth in his grasp. ‘The fabric really is so soft,’ he thinks. But the silence between them is a little too loud—and Haechan is never silent—so while they’re given this small leeway to talk to each other, he begins to open up.
“About last night…”
But then Renjun interrupts him with a laugh, it’s a nervous laugh, that much Haechan can tell.
“What, did you think I was serious?”
A pause. The silence goes on for about 5 seconds, yet the beating of Haechan’s heart in his ears goes for longer.
“You weren’t?”
Renjun freezes. Haechan can feel the other tense up through his hoodie.
“Oh, so you want me to be?”
Renjun’s playing mind tricks with him right now, and unfortunately for Haechan, they’re working.
Haechan gulps. “I don’t know.”
Renjun turns his head over to look at him, and their faces are much closer than he thought they were, which has Haechan backing away in haste, hoping that the blood rushing to his face doesn’t color him pink.
“Okay, then answer me this.” Renjun’s voice is soft. “Do you still want to kiss me?”
Haechan tries to gulp down the weight in his throat, to no avail. It’s such a simple question, and all he has to say is no and all of this would be over—they can probably go back to the way things were, and forget about this entire ordeal that surprisingly happened in only a span of 24 hours. They might remember this sometimes, in the future, but they can just quietly shove this to the back of their heads and pass it off as an intimate moment between two friends, and nothing more. But Haechan isn’t sure if he wants that—Renjun doesn’t look like he wants that either. Haechan opens his mouth, to say something, anything , just to break the silence between them, but he’s beaten to it by a shout to their right.
“Renjun, Haechan! It’s time to practice; let’s run from the top.” Their choreographer has arrived without them realizing, and the rest of the guys have already gathered at the center. Haechan nods his head at them just as Renjun stands up from his spot. Renjun holds his hand out for the other to take, which he does, and the next thing is he’s being pulled upward particularly hard, almost falling onto Renjun who’s firm on his feet.
“Let’s talk later.” Renjun tells him, lips close to his ear, before he lets go and steps away from Haechan with a small smile. “Think about it long hard, okay?”
“Okay. I thought about it.”
Haechan announces unceremoniously once the two of them are left alone in the Dream dorms, yet again. It’s been about another full day since they talked about this issue in the practice room, and Haechan was tossing and turning in his bed so much—pacing back and forth rather than playing games like he usually would—that the members who caught sight of him thought he was going crazy. He was, is , technically.
Renjun looks up at the mention from his phone, staring at Haechan as they lounge at either side of the sofa.
“...and I’m still as confused as before.” Haechan says again, and he can see Renjun’s shoulders drop a little, before he quickly clarifies, and he doesn’t even notice that he’s already inching closer to the other. “But, but… I do.”
Renjun inhales sharply at this, and then he moves closer as well, close enough for their knees to bump against each other, for the tip of their fingers that have been resting on the seat of the sofa to only be inches apart. Haechan can see Renjun’s eyelashes flutter from this close.
“You do… what?”
He’s teasing again. But this time, Haechan knows exactly how to answer.
“I do want to kiss you.”
It’s nice to see Renjun’s smile falter from getting flustered, for once, as if not expecting to hear Haechan say that. The light dust of pink over his cheeks is pretty, too, and Haechan can’t stop the grin from forming on his face from Renjun’s reaction. He can’t be one to judge though, because underneath all this newfound confidence is his heart waiting to explode right out of his chest. He’s actually worried that he might fuck this up, somehow, but he keeps talking—hoping that he’ll be able to make sense as he goes.
“And I think I like you… more than just a band mate, or your best friend.” Haechan pauses, and he watches Renjun’s face contort into laughter from his wishy-washy behavior, and all of a sudden he feels hot under his clothes from mild embarrassment. “Okay like, romantically, I think . I still have to figure this out, alright? Stop judging me.”
“Calm down Romeo, we can take it slow.” Renjun responds, smiling so bright that Haechan is almost blinded. The way his heartbeat only gets stronger assures him that this isn’t just a spur-of-the-moment thing. His heart has always been beating this way whenever Renjun was around him; it’s just that he mistakenly separated love and thrill, when there’s barely any difference in the way these emotions make his heart race. Love is thrill, and it feels so damn good.
“I like you romantically, too. I think .” Renjun leaves out that last part in jest, which has Haechan trying to bite back the widest grin on his face.
“That's why I tried to take the first step. You got it sooner than I thought you would.” Renjun explains further, and he wonders if Renjun has known all along that Haechan was being an oblivious idiot. He also wonders how long Renjun has liked him, how he realized it, but maybe he can ask that on another day—since, of course, they will be able to spend more of their days intimately, just like this. Haechan’s kind of excited.
“So does this mean I can kiss you now or…”
Haechan mostly asks this out of giddiness, out of the realization that Renjun has always been gorgeous to him—the small distance between them has him thinking that Renjun might just really be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. Haechan didn’t really expect an answer, a laugh maybe, but he doesn’t expect Renjun inching his face closer, noses barely centimeters apart. Renjun’s gaze is firm, and Haechan’s breath hitches in his throat from the distance.
“I did say you could just ask, didn’t I?”
His heart is thundering in his chest, and the way Renjun’s eyes look down at his lips, and back to meet Haechan’s gaze has his mind spinning out of control. Renjun’s going to be the death of him.
“Can I?”
Haechan asks seriously this time. He inches closer, close enough for their noses to touch, for him to see Renjun close his eyes in anticipation. He hears Renjun take a sharp inhale, and there’s electricity right before their lips touch—a tingling sensation, like they’re two magnets waiting to be connected, before Renjun leans in to close the distance between them.
Kissing Renjun feels better than he thought it would; it feels like the best, actually, as if he won’t ever be able to exist without having the feeling of Renjun’s lips on his. He’s worried that he’ll get addicted to the way their lips open in tandem, to the way Renjun gasps when Haechan licks at his lower lip, or to the feeling of Renun’s body on his, as the other slowly pushes him backwards until he has to find purchase around Renjun’s waist, while the other cages him with his arms.
When Haechan pulls back, it’s cute how Renjun tries to follow him. Renjun pouts his lips, probably wondering why they stopped, and Haechan tries his best not to laugh at him. “So, are we like, kind of a thing now?”
Renjun blinks, letting it process in his head before grinning widely at the question, nodding his head slightly, and Haechan just wants to kiss him again. So he does.
They should have probably taken into account that they weren’t exactly doing this hidden. The other members aren’t even completely gone, too, just holed up in their rooms and doing god knows what. Which is why they should have expected it when they hear the clatter of plates on their hardwood floor, which breaks them from each other, pulling apart quickly in order to look at the originator of the noise. And there stands Jisung, mouth agape and eyes wide, who had probably walked out of his room to put the dirty dishes he had left by his bedside in the sink, only to walk in on two of his hyung s making out on their sofa. Renjun and Haechan look at each other with shock on their faces, both of them wondering, ‘ shit —
—How the hell are we going to explain this?’