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The ache always started in spring.
As the flowers bloomed, the trees grew greener and the grass was less humid in the morning, Chifuyu’s ache started. He always let it pass, bottling it up until weeks later, when it would explode.
He thought the ache would stop after all these years, but he was wrong. Suddenly, the bed seemed comfier, his chair full of clothes didn’t bother him as much as before, and a shower seemed like too much work. His head felt heavy as the warmth of spring started, and didn’t seem capable of stopping the feeling.
Kazutora noticed, of course. He noticed that Chifuyu was no longer the first to fall asleep between them, that he only had coffee for breakfast now, that he walked slower, and that he was spacing out a lot more.
‘’Go to the shower, I’ll take care of dinner.’’ Kazutora said as soon as they entered their apartment.
Chifuyu nodded, barely registering a kiss on his forehead as he made his way to the bathroom.
Kazutora started preparing some soup. Even if it was getting warmer, it would be good for Chifuyu. If he managed to not burn it, of course.
When twenty minutes passed and Chifuyu hadn’t come out of the shower, Kazutora decided to go and see if everything was alright. He knocked twice until Chifuyu’s soft voice permitted him to enter.
When Kazutora came inside, the air was covered in hot steam, and it clung to his skin. Chifuyu was sitting in the bath, the water near his neck, and his eyes closed. It smelled like lavender, Chifuyu’s favorite body oil.
‘’Sorry, I’ll be getting out soon.’’ He said in a sleepy voice.
‘’Do you want me to wash your hair?’’
Chifuyu opened his beautiful eyes then, looking at Kazutora.
‘’Would you, please?’’
Kazutora got on his knees and took the shampoo Chifuyu usually used, putting it on his hands and massaging Chifuyu’s head softly. The other let his head fall against the edge of the bath, sighing.
‘’It still shocks me how can you enjoy burning yourself with boiling water.’’ Kazutora commented as he rinsed the shampoo off of Chifuyu’s head.
The other said nothing but grabbed Kazutora’s sleeve and inched closer to his neck, putting his head on his shoulder. He was slightly trembling, and his eyes were still shut. Kazutora petted his head, leaving a kiss on it.
‘’Do you want me to help you come out of the bath?’’
‘’Get in with me.’’
Kazutora didn’t need to be told twice. He stripped naked and entered the bath, and Chifuyu wasted no time sitting in front of him. Kazutora’s arms hugged him from behind, leaving a kiss on his nape. They stayed in silence for a while, with their eyes closed, just feeling the other’s heartbeat.
‘’Sorry I’ve been like this.’’ Chifuyu said. ‘’I don’t know why I got like that.’’
‘’You don’t have to apologize for how you feel. You taught me that, remember?’’
‘’Sometimes it’s hard to remind me that.’’ Chifuyu confessed. His voice was full of shame, and it was hard for Kazutora to hear it as it was merely a whisper.
‘’You know that you don’t have to be tough and strong all the time, right? You’re allowed to feel and be vulnerable, too. You’re human, and you have to allow yourself to feel things like everyone else does.’’
Chifuyu relaxed against him, Kazutora’s arms caught him, as the other sobbed silently against him. Kazutora only hugged him and let him get it off his chest. His lips pressed softly against his neck and shoulders, whispering reassuring words, as he waited for the other to feel better. When Chifuyu grew silent against his chest and the water got colder, he helped him get out of the bath and dried him, and then he put on the other a shirt that was Kazutora’s and some underwear. He intertwined their fingers together and led them to the kitchen, where the soup was still warm.
‘’Try eating some, baby. It will be good for you.’’ Kazutora said, handing Chifuyu a bowl.
Chifuyu ate slowly, with his knees close to his chest and the bowl too close to his face, and Kazutora kept him company while he ate. When they finished, they left the bowls in the kitchen sink. That would be a problem for future Kazutora.
‘’I bought some vanilla ice cream for you earlier, do you want some?’’ Chifuyu’s eyes glowed at that. Kazutora chuckled and gave him a cup with a big ball of ice cream on it. He gave it to Chifuyu and gave him another kiss on his forehead too.
They ended up sitting close together on the couch, with a shitty romantic comedy playing on the TV that neither of them was paying attention to, just as background noise. As the night passed, Chifuyu rested slumped against Kazutora, all warm in his embrace. Kazutora smiled to himself looking at Chifuyu sleeping. His face was more relaxed now, his lips ajar, and his lashes were casting shadows across his cheeks.
Kazutora lifted him from the couch, and the other stirred awake just to cling to Kazutora’s shoulders, so he wouldn’t fall.
‘’I got you, don’t worry.’’
Kazutora left him on the bed after opening the comforter, getting Chifuyu inside, and climbed after him, embracing him. Chifuyu let out a sigh and got closer to the other’s body.
‘’Thank you, love.’’ Chifuyu murmured against his neck. His hand was weakly holding Kazutora’s, and his breathing tickled his neck, but he didn’t mind.
‘’You don’t have to thank me.’’
The room was dark and the only light that entered was the moon’s, white against blue walls. The comforter was warm against their skin, and Chifuyu felt lighter.
‘’But I want to thank you anyway for taking care of me.’’
‘’You did the same with you. And I want to.’’ With that, Kazutora left a kiss against Chifuyu’s lips, to which the other complied. At that moment, only they existed in the world. The outside noise ceased to exist in their mind, only their lips meeting had some meaning.
‘’I love you.’’ Chifuyu murmured against his lips.
‘’I love you too.’’
With that, Chifuyu hid his face in Kazutora’s chest and his breathing evened out.
Kazutora stayed awake for a little more, just caressing Chifuyu’s skin lightly. Feeling Chifuyu sleeping against his chest was one of his favorite ways to finish his days. The other’s body against him, soft and warm, filled him up with so much peace. He didn’t mind taking care of Chifuyu. In the end, he loved him and would do everything just to see him shine with happiness. He would do anything to see the other’s eyes glow again, he wanted Chifuyu to be happy.
With a final peck on his forehead, he let himself embrace Chifuyu a little bit closer, as sleep came to him too.