Work Text:
It was a pretty dead wednesday at the crusty krab and nobody was in the restaurant, Squidward was napping when suddenly "YOU KNOW WHAT" Squidward shoots up out of his nap and snaps his head through the order window "SPONGEBOB CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?! IM TRYING TO GET SOME BEAUTY SLEEP HERE." Squirtward shouts at spongebob very pissed that his beauty sleep was so rudely interrupted. "NO YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UGLY ASS BLUE ASS NO BITCHES HAVING MOTHER FUCKING BIG ASS BALD FIVEHEAD, IM QUITTING THIS GOOFY ASS JOB" Spongebob walks his fat ass out the kitchen and to the main entrance "BYE BITCHES!" Spongebob yells before slaming the glass door behind him causing it to break. "MR. SHITWARDDDDDD" Mr.Krabs screams into Squidwards ear "WHY DID ME BOI SPONGEBOB LEAVE SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT 'QUITTING'?!" Squidward was still trying to process all that has happened when he realized he doesn't get paid enough to give a shit and gets up and walks out of the building without a word, he can hear Mr.Krabs yelling for him to come back but he just ignored him.
*...meanwhile...*
Spongebob bangs on Sandy's door and it finally swings open spongebob starts yelling before Sandy can even ask what he wants "SANDY, I WANNA WORK AT THE STRIP CLUB WITH YOU." Sandy looks blankly at spongebob before answering "...What.... Are you sure you can even qualify?" spongebob turns around shoving his ass in Sandy's face "WTF SPONGEBOB" Sandy pushes his ass out of her face "You know what fine. But don't come crying to me if they reject you." Spongebob runs off at the speed of light to bikini bottoms local strip club. when he gets there in breaks into the managers office and slams his résumé and ASS on the desk "What.. the actual... FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHO LET YOU IN HERE?!?" The manager starts flipping out clearly confused about the whole situation "Heyyyy~ I was wondering if I could get a job here~~~" spongebob uses his most seductive voice and unbuttons the shirt he was wearing "I promise i'll do a good job~~~~" "UH YEAH SURE JUST GET OUT OF HERE" the manager shoves spongebob off the desk and pushes him out the door and slams it behind spongebob. "well that went well" spongebob says while heading to the change room to change into his hot pink glittery thong and extremely tall highheels, after changing he opens the curtains to the stage and does the most sassy slaying walk you would ever see, the audience was in complete shock as spongebob grabs the poll and does the most sexy dance that anyone in bikini bottom has ever seen but suddenly.... "Spongebob..? is that you??" a familiar voice breaks the silence in the room and spongebob turns towards it, "P-patrick..?!? what are YOU doing here?" spongebob gets off the stage and walks over to his best buddy, "well Mr.Krabs told me you quit so I came looking for you and thought you might have went here..." patrick says while checking out spongebob sexy smooth yellow skin, . . . the two were in complete silence "Want a private dance..?" spongebob suggests as he puts one hand on his hip and another on patricks cheek "uh... ummmmm..... s-sure" patrick was blushing like hell and he follows behind spongebob to the private dance room. spongebob seats patrick on the chair and starts to give patrick a lap dance "aughhhh~" patrick moans because his virgin ass never got any type of sexual activity not even fucking masturbation "Keep quiet patrick baby~" spongebob places his fingers on patricks mouth and continue his dance, spongebob fat ass cheeks grip on patrick bluge and the both blush. (i'm not writing anymore of this let your imagination go wild) after they finish they both walk out without a word and go home, spongebob feeds gary and then suddenly realized what in the actual fuck he did today so he went to the bathroom to clean himself for the next 14 hours before going to the crusty krab to beg for his job back.
Note:
LMAO IM SO SORRY FOR THIS BUT ITS DONE SO IM NOT DELETING IT 💀
ANYWAS IGNORE THE SPELLING AND GRAMMAR MISTAKES PLEASE AND THANKS !! Also feel free to suggest stuff (no suggesting rape/non-con, incest, or anything illegal like that, I will never do that shit.)