Work Text:
The kids are okay. Zabuza is dead. Haku is dead. And you killed him.
That is the thing running around in Kakashi’s mind as he takes watch by the door of Tazuna’s house.
He flexes the fingers of his right hand. The tingling numbness that always follows chidori is gone now, but he still smells faintly of ozone, and he’s sure if he concentrated enough he could make the feeling return.
Maybe if he did it would get rid of the feeling of Rin- Haku’s flesh and how it gave under his touch. He runs a finger along his thumb and picks at the blood that’s dried into his cuticles. He should have cleaned them better, probably.
Not that Hound would care, of course. But he’s not Hound anymore. Is he?
A sound outside nearly has him jump out of his skin. Nearly, because of course the ANBU training is stronger than the fear, and he doesn’t move except for the flick of his eyes toward the sound and the stilling of his fingers.
A few beats pass, and he allows himself to relax a bit.
The kids are okay.
They’re upstairs, sound asleep. Naruto was out the second his head hit the pillow, and Sasuke had followed suit shortly after. Sakura had sat up for a while, but had gone to bed when he said he’d keep watch.
So here he was. Keeping watch. Bone tired and exhausted from lack of chakra, but it wasn’t like it was the first time. At least he hadn’t passed out.
Zabuza is dead.
Tomorrow, he knows, he won’t dwell on it anymore. It’s not as if he’ll forget - he knows most of the names of the shinobi targets at least - but it won’t sting anymore. Water clone jutsu will blend together with the other thousand he’s mastered.
Haku is dead.
But tonight it stings. And maybe he shouldn’t have promised to keep watch. He’s bone tired, and the Kakashi they know would surely fall asleep on watch without a book to keep him company. Except his team is counting on him to watch their back.
He’s always got their back.
And you killed him.
He gets up. Pacing isn’t like him, but he needs the fresh air, and so he creeps out the front door to sit on the porch. He’s not as hidden here, but he doesn’t really think anyone is coming for them tonight, not with Gatō silenced.
He leans his head back against the wall with a thump and shuts his eye. He won’t fall asleep here, he’d be too exposed. But he also can’t resist the urge after such a long day.
His left eye throbs and his right hand tingles. He still smells like ozone.
Maybe it’s the mask.
He opens his eye and watches the street as he settles further against the wall. It’s kind of like sleeping, if you don’t think about it too hard. That’s what he told Weasel once. Take any chance to rest your body, if you don’t get one to rest your mind.
The kids are safe.
Is he sure?
They’d been asleep last time he checked, and he’s been outside a while. But he’s only been watching the one entrance, and it’s not like a ninja would stroll through the front door.
He gets up and firmly ignores the way the world tilts, and when he’s sure he can move without losing his feet he goes back inside. Makes sure the door is locked before he heads upstairs. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to think very hard to make his feet be silent as he goes.
The door creaks a bit when he pushes it open and he pauses for a breath before he looks inside. It’s dark, and it’s quiet, but not so quiet he can’t hear them breathing. His heart is pounding hard, something he firmly ignores. They’re fine , damn it. He has to be able to trust them if they’re going to work as a team.
You’re their sensei, not their teammate, a new thought chimes in. What’s the difference?
He opens the door enough to step in and finds his students just as he left them. He lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and shuts the door behind him. The fatigue comes crashing down on him again as he slides down to sit with his back against the door, and this time when he closes his eye he can feel sleep tugging at him.
Zabuza is dead. Haku is dead.
Some nights, all he can do is hope for a dreamless sleep. Tonight, he thinks he's not that lucky. But maybe it will be Haku this time, skewered and choking.
So he lets himself drift. He won’t get a full night’s sleep until he’s safe under his own roof most likely - there’s too many threats outside of the village to truly let down his guard - but he can’t stay up forever either.
And you killed them.
In the morning, there are preparations to be made. He’ll have to talk to Sasuke about the sharingan and how they’re going to work with it. Naruto is going to ask when they’re leaving, already thinking about getting home and claiming their next mission. Sakura will try her best to keep him in line long enough to get back in one piece.
But tonight, even Kakashi gets to rest. His team are safe, and this town isn’t their village, but thanks to them it’s free. And even though there is a familiarity in this bone-deep exhaustion, Hound is as dead as the other two shinobi. He crosses his arms and settles back against the door, thankfully too tired for nightmares.
His fingers stop tingling, but his mask still smells like ozone.