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he always hated the way you cried for him. hated the way your arms stood still on his arms longer than he liked to. hated the way your smiled beamed when your eyes spotted him at the distance.
it bothers you when I talk about how much I love you, asking me to please forget about it.
the way your delicate hands wrote such heartwarming poems towards him. how you seemed to pour all the love and emotions you had for him.
“can you please stop sending me those letters? they’re hard to read and it overwhelms me.”
“oh! sure, but is it okay if I keep all the letters I wrote for you once?” you said with beaming eyes.
“sorry, I dropped them all on the way home.”
if it bothers you, please bear with it a little more, I swear I’m about to forget about you…
months passed by, everytime he came back from missions, his expressions hardened a little bit more. you thought it was because of the stress, so you tried to get better at cooking and at being a better housewife.
“rengoku! I made your favorite food!” you said finding him at the back of the place you both lived, he was training with his katana and a bamboo stick.
“yeah? thanks, I’ll go when I’m done with this.” he said, not giving paying you any mind, his body moving around the yard.
“love, aren’t you tired? why don’t we eat and take a walk so you can ease your mind.” you suggested, grabbing a handful of your dress, squeezing hard until your knuckles turned white out of anxiety, waiting for his reply.
“I’ll go when I’m done.”
I’m only a million springs left away, a few centuries I have only to adore you.
‘there’s a way of keeping a man happy. praise him! let him know he’s doing an amazing job.’ that’s what the ladies said when you told them about how rengoku has been treating you these past few months. maybe it was you? were you in the wrong all along? he changed from day to night, maybe he found someone better…
not letting those negative thoughts flood your mind, you opened the door of your place, setting down the vegetables you just bought. hanging your straw hat adorned with a pale green ribbon, you looked for your husband only to be met by silence.
holding your breath, you entered your bedroom finding him infront of the closet, wearing his uniform and the long cape he as a hashira always wore.
“woah, you look so handsome!” you praised unconsciously, looking at his form wrapped in the clothes making him look manly. “you’re such a sight for the sore eye, honey!” getting closer to touch his back, you noticed his breath itching.
“I gotta go.”
“what? but you just got here a week ago, you have a mission again?” you asked worried. he wasn’t getting that much sleep and now him going away from only god knows how long, made your stomach twirl, your throat clenching, soon feeling the urge to throw up. “please… please don’t go.”
“y/n, stop, I gotta go.” his words were final as you lost his figure mere seconds later he was out of the door.
your chest hurt like if it was burning. holding a hand on the left side of your chest, you took one, two steps, and then sprint towards the bathroom until you threw up whatever you had in your stomach.
he was gone. again.
only a million springs left away. after that I promise I’ll never bother you again.
three months passed by. the people from all the village knew you were pregnant with the hashira’s son. holding your breath, you took a sit on the outside of your home, looking at the people passing by. it was almost night, the sun hiding in between the mountains showing it’s last rays of light until the stars and moon were the only thing that lit up the sky.
the air smelled like nostalgia, like the first time you and rengoku first met. when he saved you and fell in love with you. sometimes you liked to recall those days where he used to love you. he loved you.
feeling a sharp pain on your stomach, you whinced putting a hand over your growing stomach. it has been three months since you’ve last seen your husband. for all you knew, he was dead. shaking your head, you didn’t like to think about the possibility.
his crow liked to come once or twice a week to let you know about his whereabouts. not a week came where the animal didn’t deliver the news that your husband was safe and sound on a strange localization.
taking a deep breath, you got up from your place, but suddenly, a cold wind run through your spine. chills kissed your skin. everything became a blur after that.
rengoku was coming home, finally returning after spending a lot of time outside. much to his surprise, ubuyashiki noticed how he was overworking himself and scolded him, 'after you’re done with the mission, go straight home and I hope you’re there when your wife gives birth.’
the flame hashira was so confused, his wife? pregnant with his child?
when he entered the village territory where he lived, there was a cold wind that overflowed his senses. he knew the signs of those feelings.
a demon? it couldn’t be…
rushing through the area, he noticed how all houses were closed. taking a deep breath, he knew you weren’t so naive and you were inside your house as well. that was until he felt the need to take his eyes out of his skull. he wanted to punch himself, scream until his throat couldn’t resist, break his vocal cords. he wanted to die. he wanted to die. how could he be a protector if he couldn’t protect his family of all things?
taking in the image of his wife lying down on the porch of his house, blood running until it was dripping on the grass.
broken sobs came from his throat. his hands felt hot, his head hurt. he wanted to rewind everything.
he knew he was neglecting you. there was so much on his mind. he couldn’t let those thoughts and pressure get onto you so he bottled up.
but now? now he wished he should’ve listened to you sooner. he wished he could’ve adore you sooner. he wished he could’ve praise you sooner.
he wished he had a million springs left away with you. a few centuries more by your side…
oh no, I’ll never sing to you again. if it bothers you. yeah, if it bothers you.