Work Text:
Marc couldn't breathe. He felt guilt clawing at his throat, suffocating him. Steven was gone, he was gone and Marc couldn't save him. As tears began to well up in his eyes he choked down sobs begging to be let out.
The sun was gone and he took the moon with him.
Taking a look at the field around him once more he almost expected Steven to be there, to catch a glimmer of his reflection and hear his ridiculous British accent, telling him he needed to get up because it was alright Marc, he was still alive as he could be in the afterlife.
Instead, all he was met with was the warm sun and a golden sea that stretched on for miles, its peaceful and welcoming aura seemingly mocking him, driving the point of how undeserving of it he was further home, reminding him of the man who was.
The way the sun warmed his skin with its sweet kiss and the reeds that brushed gently against his waist like a lover's caress was unwelcome, making him feel like he was tainting something truly beautiful. This place was the manifestation of eternal bliss, yet he felt anything but. While all the sun's warmth did was remind him how he failed to protect the one person he swore he would never let get hurt again, that he would repay Steven for everything he’d done for him yet here he was, alone, in a field with the crumbling image of Steven forever plastered behind closed eyes.
He didn’t deserve to be here, not after all the horror and bloodshed he's caused, no matter how justified it was, he didn’t deserve to be here.
Drawing a shuddering breath he stared down at his hands, the peaceful view no longer welcome.
He feels dirty, like the sand that Steven has become was wrapping around him and pouring down between his fingers. If he had only been quicker, stronger, better, then maybe Steven would still be here, maybe he would’ve gotten to see this field.
He would’ve smiled as the light shone on him, would’ve told anyone who’d listen about everything that he’s read about this place.
Drawing a shuddering breath Marc blinked trying to will away the thoughts but all he could think about was Steven.
Steven who grinned with awe painted across his face when they entered the Great Pyramid of Giza, Steven who ended every call with laters gators, Steven who wanted to be a tour guide just so he could share his interests with everyone who’d listen and make sure every little thing at the exhibits were correct, Steven who sometimes felt like the sun encapsulated in a human body.
Steven who deserved to be here.
It wasn’t fair, he was the good one, the innocent one, his heart was balanced, he’s everything good about this world, and Marc wasn’t.
Folding in on himself, Marc crumples down to the ground, the reeds shielding him from view, burying him in blurry gold light, belatedly he realizes that the blur is from his own eyes. Burying his head between his legs he let out the sobs that have been burning his throat, letting out every ugly sound that’s been begging to be let out and sniffling, tears pouring from his eyes as it sets in that Steven’s gone, that someone who had always been there for him suddenly wasn’t anymore.
He felt guilty, like someone whose very existence left a bloody stain upon this earth suddenly lost his other half that balanced him out and rectified his wickedness. Someone whose life was contrary to his own, one of peace and kindness, who lived the life of a simple man, before the lines between them began to blur and Marc was no longer able to protect him like he swore he would, until Marc wasn’t able to return the favor and repay him for protecting him all those years ago, he had failed at the one thing he promised himself that he never would.
And it seems that fate has finally caught up with him, reminding him that no matter how hard he tried he would never be good enough to protect those he swore he would with his dying breath.