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Kai loves the little moments like this.
It’s just a few hours past midnight, and the atmosphere in the apartment is soft and gentle. Beomgyu’s apple and cinnamon candle fills every pocket of air, the scent making its way through the small crack in the door. Taehyun never likes to sleep with the door closed.
It’s actually rare for the other to fall asleep before him. Usually Kai is out like a light, becoming sleepy after he’s taken his makeup off and flopped into bed.
But today is not just any day. He notes the facts a little sadly: Soobin’s playing a game of League with Beomgyu, the two of them cackling all the while, relaxed. Taehyun’s drifted off a while ago, getting his well-deserved rest. And Yeonjun…
Not here.
The rest of the group feel bad about it, sometimes. Things just seem to pile up for the older, and whilst Kai’s never heard a single noise of complaint come out of his hyung’s mouth, he knows it can’t be easy, this. The knowledge that his friends get to go home together and wind down and be human for many more hours in the day than he does.
Soobin once asked Yeonjun if there was anything he could do to make it easier. Kai overheard the conversation taking place in the kitchen as he woke up earlier than usual one morning for a glass of chocolate milk. His steps had halted as he held his breath, waiting for Yeonjun’s answer.
“It’s okay, Soobin-ah,” Yeonjun had breathed out, clearly fatigued but still his voice was warm and syrupy, like always. That’s how Kai knew he was okay. He hadn’t lost that glow.
Still, though. He needed to know.
“Are you sure?”
The speed at which his two oldest members whipped around to meet his voice was almost comical. First, visible shock that their youngest was up so early in the morning. Then, love.
“Huening-ah,” Soobin addressed, speaking up first. “Good morning. Sleep well?”
“I di-”
“I miss you guys,” Yeonjun stated, gaze directed at Kai. “When I.” He fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “When I have to stay behind.”
Hueningkai smiled back, slight and small, but for Yeonjun, it meant a lot more than its visible quantity. They had promised to be more open with each other, more reliant, and Kai felt proud of him, wanting to let it show.
“Let Soobin-hyung and I make you some breakfast. We can eat together.”
Soobin’s eyes widened, hands protesting. “I never said anything about cooking for him. Verbal advice and homecooked meals are vastly different.”
Yeonjun giggled between the two of them, present and alive. His cheeks were beginning to flush with the beginnings of a spring morning. Kai had to resist the urge to stare.
“I don’t know why I said that actually…Neither of us can.”
Silence.
“Let me get Taehyun.”
Kai recalls the memory with fondness now as he lies awake, phone in hand. He melts a little at the way all of them were so prepared to help each other out like that, despite the difficulties and bickerings. (Beomgyu had slept through the entire morning, but they had saved a serving for him too, and watching his tiny mouth take its tiny little bites from Kai’s spot on the living room couch had been a delight.)
He feels overwhelmed with love. He’s just one endeared boy thinking about his best friends. Cookie Run is still open on his phone. The fan whirls.
It’s 4am.
“He’ll be back soon,” Kai says, more to himself than anyone else. He repeats the words as he tries not to succumb to sleep, watching Taehyun’s blissed-out expression as he flies away in dreamland. His bed is so comfortable right now, and he’s having to seriously fight to force his eyelids open.
“Five more minutes,” he whispers to the void, “If he’s not back in five minutes then-”
The door clicks open and then shuts. Kai hears shuffling. His breath catches.
He’s home.
Kai shuffles and shifts, making some space. One time he’d offered to move all of his plushies elsewhere to accommodate for the older. A big declaration, but it was one that Yeonjun didn’t want, anyway. “Keep them here,” he had demanded, voice strong and firm like he were discussing corporate business and not Kai’s plushie collection. “I like them here.”
(It had taken everything in Kai’s power not to dissolve in his arms.)
Kai runs a hand through his hair, trying to fix it up and not make it seem like he was seconds away from snoozing. He doesn’t want Yeonjun to think that it’s a burden for him, doing this. Kai does it willingly. He’ll do anything for him.
He thinks he can hear a little commotion in the kitchen, and the sound of an instant ramen packet opening makes him smile to himself. Good. Yeonjun eating, whether it’s next to him or in another room, never fails to make him feel a little more at peace.
Kai goes back to his Cookie Run whilst he waits. It’s so, so quiet. Just Yeonjun and him existing in different rooms, doing different things, but doing them at the same time, calm and together.
He doesn’t have to wait long. Yeonjun’s always been a quick eater. Always so quick and on the go with everything. Kai likes being able to slow him down.
“Hue-bear? You awake?”
Instantly, he sits up, alive and alert to the other’s presence. Before Yeonjun opens his mouth to speak at a normal volume, Kai gestures to the other bed, warning the older to be quiet.
Yeonjun giggles. Always giggling. He whispers, “Got room for one more?”
He often talks about Kai’s plushies like they’re separate entities, counting and acknowledging their existence one by one. It’s so silly.
Kai replies softly, welcoming him in the dark.
“Always.”
He can’t quite see it like this, no light and blinds shut, but he knows Yeonjun’s smiling.
The lack of sight makes the sound of the footsteps so much more intense, his heart fluttering stupidly in anticipation. Before he knows it, he can smell white musk, overpowering Beomgyu’s candle.
“Hey there, Hue-bear,” Yeonjun whispers, so close and real. Real. He’s really home.
It’s not something Kai initiates often, but tonight, he’s the one to pull him in. It always makes him a little crazy, how Yeonjun is so tall and broad, but can look so small in Kai’s hold. Something to be protected.
“Hi, hyung,” he mutters, fingers already threading their way through the older’s hair. It’s blonde again after so long, a little dry to the touch, but he loves it anyway. With Yeonjun so close, Kai thinks he can make out the lettering on his shirt. His breath catches in his throat. “Is that mine?”
“Mm,” Yeonjun mumbles into Kai’s chest, snuggling in like that explains everything. “Don’t talk. ‘M tired.”
Kai looks up at the ceiling, dazed. In hindsight, it’s not a big deal. Kai wears Yeonjun’s clothes all the time. But that…it’s more for fashion purposes than anything else. To look good. This is new and domestic and-
“Stop thinking so much,” Yeonjun bites out, although the effect is slightly lost through the drowsiness of his tone. “I can hear it. Your clothes are comfy and they smell like you. Good enough?”
Oh.
Words are lost on him then, his throat drying up. He settles for a meek kiss on the older’s forehead. It’s a small, tiny brush, and he wonders if Yeonjun even felt it. But then the older squeezes his hand, running his fingers along Kai’s palm, tingling.
“Thank you for staying up for me.” Yeonjun leans down a little, and Kai feels an open mouth at his palm, thankful and giving and giving. Delicate like a dream.
“No need to thank me, hyung.”
There's something unspoken between them, burning ruby red. One day, Kai will have the courage to say it.
For now, he settles for pulling the older closer, a thumb on his waist to ground him.
For now, that’s enough.