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Amelia sat down in the chair across from Francis. he hands shook as she looked at the stained and dirty letter in her hands. terrified to open it, she looked up meeting watery blue eyes of the man in front of her.
It had been six weeks since they had buried Mattie. the letters had been delivered in a box of his things they had found. two envelopes had been found inside a larger one, Francis had opened it and found one addressed to Papa… and he had called Amelia when he found the second one was addressed to ‘my love’.
she didn’t want to open it. she knew what it was… the larger brown envelope sitting on the table between them had “Just in case” scrawled across it in Matthews perfect writing.
“cheri… he wanted you to read whatever is in there. Give him a chance to say goodbye” how the frenchman kept his voice from breaking was beyond her. tears were already welling in her eyes. she nodded.
Francis had shown her in his letter, Matthew had asked his Papa to sit with her while she read it. he didn’t want her to be alone. he knew his Papa would be there for her if he couldn’t be…
She shook as she carefully lifted the sealed flap, cringing at the ripping sound. she reached in and took out the piece of paper, carefully unfolding it, she looked up at francis once more. he nodded and reached out a hand, tears sliding down his face. she gripped it and read.
~~~~
‘ Dear Amelia, my love, my heart, my everything… I’m so sorry.
If you’re reading this, I’m counting on the fact that Papa is right there with you. if he’s not, please don’t be alone.. I don’t want you to be alone for this, please. if I could, I’d be there to give you one last kiss… I can’t stand the thought of you alone right now, so for me okay?
I’m sorry baby, It looks like i only got a one way ticket over here eh? I wish this war hadn’t been real, just like one of the video games we use to stay up playing. remember that? you were always kickin’ my sorry butt. I’ll tell you a secret though, sometimes I’d let you win, just to see that huge, beautiful smile you’d get. ‘
~~~
Amelia laughed through the tears as she read “oh sure, say that when I can’t call you a liar to your face” she sobbed harder, Francis moved to beside her, rubbing her back. she took a shaky breath and blinked tears away enough to continue.
~~~~~
You don’t know how much I wish i could be there right now baby, I’m so sorry. I’m all the way on the other side of the world and you’re there alone and I hate it.. If you’re reading this, I won’t be there to see our baby girl…
~~~~~
the letter crumpled slightly as one hand tightened around it , her other hand going to the small bump under her dress. they had only found out a few weeks before… they were keeping it a secret until after the wedding. he had insisted it was going to be a little girl. Amelia had simply laughed at him and told him there was no way he could know. he must have only just written this before… she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to compose herself. it was an impossible feat. she turned back to the letter.
~~~
if you’re reading this, I won’t be there to see our baby girl. Yes, baby girl. I’m sure. I hope she looks just like you my love. every bit as beautiful and vibrant. But I hope she fights like me, I hope she’s the kind of girl who will stand up for people who can’t. for the innocent and people who are weaker than she is. baby, she’s going to be so strong. how could any child of yours not be? I’m so sorry I won’t be there for her. Let her know how much daddy loved her okay? let her know I would have done anything to see her grown up.
~~~~
“then why did you leave Mattie... “ tears fell to the page but she continued.
~~~~~
And I’m so sorry I’m not going to be there in the room. I wanted to be there for you, believe me when I say there is nothing I want more then to be there right now, holding you, kissing you and making everything okay again.
but baby I want you to remember I’m okay now. I’m in a better place, up here exactly where Papa prayed I would go. Me and god are hanging out and watching over you okay? there’s no more guns, or uniforms, or pain up here. I’m not fighting anymore, I’m safe and I’m always going to be with you okay? I’ll watch you and our sweet little baby for the rest of your lives, you can talk to me if you're lonely, I can’t talk back, but I promise I’ll always be listening.
there’s a few more things I need to tell you, but baby do one thing for me okay? I know Papa is there with you. could you make sure and tell him again that I don’t regret following in his foot steps? If you’re reading this, I died fighting for the peace I believed in. I want him to know I didn’t feel like he pushed me. I chose this and I stand by it.
Now Amelia… there’s one more thing I need to say, and I know you’re not going to want to hear it yet, but you have to for me okay? One day you’re going to move on. you will, I wish it for you. I want you too. one day, I want you to wake up next to someone who makes you as happy as you made me. I don’t want you to be alone and sad. I want you to know I’m okay with it alright? As long as he’s a good man who loves you, I’ll be happy. I can’t be with you from up here anymore, but he can. when he comes along, you give him a chance and you love him as much as I know you love me.
I love you so much Amelia. If your reading this, I’m home, right beside you, and I love you more then anything. I’m safe and everything will be okay eventually, I promise. Give it time baby. I can’t write enough times how much I love you. I could fill a book and it wouldn’t be enough… so just one more time..
If you’re reading this Amelia Williams, I love you, I miss you and I’m sorry.
~~~~
Amelia broke down. what her name should have become on the page shattering any shred of composure she had maintained. she fell against Francis sobbing. she felt the man shaking beneath her as he wrapped his arms around her stroking her hair and they both cried.
~~~~
3 years later Amelia sat on the same couch, holding onto the squirmy 2 and a half year old girl. She had long golden blonde locks, just like her mother, she was an angel. Francis sat beside them holding a photo Album, the three flipped through pictures. Amelia pointed to a picture of Matthew in an army uniform, smiling at the camera proudly “do you know who that is Madeline?”
large violet eyes that looked for much like her fathers studied the picture. she broke out in a big smile and giggled “daddy!” she exclaimed. a pudgy finger pointing at the plastic covered picture.
“good job ma cherie! very good!” cooed francis, placing a kiss on her cheek.
“and you know” Amelia nuzzled the little girls cheek with her nose “that dada loves you very much. “
“ya mama!” she exclaimed and then she turned to francis “gra-papa, where daddy?”
tears misted over Amelia’s eyes as Francis smiled gently “here right here Ma Cherie” he placed a hand over her tiny heart “he’s with you always, watching over you”
Amelia looked away trying to stop tears when she felt a hand on her shoulder. she looked up into the warm brown eyes of her new fiance. he smiled at her sadly and placed a kiss on her forehead, hand moving to her face “it’s okay Emmy, he’s watching you too, you know. he’d kick your butt for getting sad”
she smiled weakly and nodded, leaning her head into his hand. she looked up at the sky out the window and sent out a silent message ‘thank you for the letter Mattie, I love you’.