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No one noticed at first. He seemed like his normal crazy self at volleyball practice, running about and shouting random phrases. In class he was more hyper than usual, shouting out answers before being called on, fidgeting with anything and everything. Everyone just thought it was excitement for the upcoming practice match against Nekoma, it would wear off later in the day.
It was not wearing off. Nishinoya sat in his third period of the day, both legs bouncing at an extravagant pace. He twirled his pencil in his hand, staring at the teacher with unseeing eyes. As much as he tried to focus he just couldn’t, nothing the teacher was saying was making sense, which only made taking notes harder to do. Flicking his eyes around the room nervously Nishinoya watched everyone else write, why couldn’t he just focus like them. His paper had a total of two sentences, neither making any sense whatsoever. Nishinoya began to tap his pencil against the desk, the inability to sit still making his whole body shudder. He had taken his meds this morning, right? Yeah he did. He would be fine. He just needed to focus. It would be okay soon.
It was definitely not going to be okay. Nishinoya practically ran through the halls to the club room. He wasn’t able to focus in any of his classes and now he had at least three assignments to do that he didn’t know how to do. All of his teachers had noticed his fidgetiness, constantly asking him to stay focused or be quiet when he was tapping too loud or making weird noises with his mouth. One teacher actually pulled him out of class and reprimanded him for making a fuss in his class when he couldn’t sit still. Now he had lunch detention for the next few days. Tears pooled in Nishinoyas eyes, what was wrong with him today? Why couldn’t he sit still? Or focus? Why was he so different than everyone else? Why was it so loud? Nishinoya froze in the middle of the hallway, staring at the students around him.
Loud
It was so loud.
Everyone was talking and someone was laughing and they were moving, walking around him, were they moving fast or was he just slow.
Bright
It was bright
The sun was blazing through the windows along the wall. Everything was bright. His eyes hurt, his ears were ringing. Someone bumped into his shoulder, making his breath hitch.
So much was happening, why couldn’t he focus on anything. His vision was blurry and his ears were ringing. His chest suddenly felt tight, breathing came fast and short. A headache began to spike through his temple. Too much
Too much too much too much
Too bright too bright too bright
Loud loud loud loud LOUD LOUD!
“-inoya? Nishinoya! NISHINOYA!”
Nishinoya's eyes snapped up to a nervous looking brunette. He glanced around the hallway mumbling a quiet apology for yelling. Asahi looked back down to Nishinoya, worry written on his face. Noya realized his hands were clamped down on his ears and tears were streaming down his face. He still felt uneasy, everything was still moving around too fast and it still sounded too loud but Asahi was something to focus on. Asahi reached forward hesitantly, clasping his long fingers around Nishinoya's wrist and pulling it from his ear,
“Are- are you alright?” Nishinoya stared up at Asahi with wide, teary eyes. Was he alright? Nishinoya looked down to his hand still in Asahi’s grasp, he was shaking, a lot.
“Nishinoya,” Asahi started, mouth opening and closing as he tried to find the words to say. Nishinoya gulped, chest tightening again, he was fine, nothing was wrong, Asahi didn’t have to worry about him. Nishinoya pulled his arm back suddenly, balling his hands into fists at his sides.
“I’m fine Asahi-San, no need to worry.” Pulling tightly at the strap of his bag Nishinoya ducked under Asahi’s arm and began to weave through the crowd, wiping at his eyes and pushing down the feeling of unease and anxiety.
During practice after school Asahi kept glancing at Nishinoya worriedly, even tried to talk to him, but Nishinoya avoided him every time. He couldn’t have Asahi worry over him, or the rest of the team. They had enough to worry about and he already stressed his captain and co captain enough with his hyperactivity, even on meds. After his episode in the hall Nishinoya had been feeling anxious, any small sound made him jump and he avoided everyone’s touch. Volleyball helped him focus though, and even when on the outside he still was his happy, go lucky, active self he couldn’t help the building feeling of dread on the inside. It was impossible to hold still, when he wasn’t on the court practicing he was either jumping from foot to foot or pacing along the floor. The other members of the team seemed to notice, Suga asking several time if he was okay. And each time he answered with a bright smile saying,
“I just can’t wait to play!” Nekoma was scheduled to arrive in the next hour but them being them arrived early and so did the practice match.
Nishinoya scanned each player from Nekoma and then his own team, trying to focus his mind by assessing each members strengths and weakness. He had never been particularly good at it and usually went based on his reflexes but today was different. His captain would be disappointed in him if he spaced out during a match and cost them a set, or two. He didn’t want that, couldn’t have that. Kuroo was the first to serve, Daichi receiving it and Kageyama serving it to Tanaka. The sound of the ball smacking the ground woke Nishinoya from his daze, and Tanaka’s yell instantly making his chest tighten. Nishinoya squeezed his eyes shut.
Not now. It’s fine. He’s fine. Nothings wrong. It’s just Tanaka, he’s heard him yell before. It’s fine, he’s okay.
Another ball smacked the ground, significantly closer to Nishinoya. Opening his eyes he realized everyone was looking at him.
“What?” Daichi shared a look with Asahi and Nishinoya realized that Daichi knew what had happened in the hall. His chest tightened more and his breathing began to increase.
Nononono
This wasn’t happening. Daichi couldn’t know. He was okay, it was just a mistake. Just a m- oh..
Nishinoya’s eyes widened, it had been his mistake. He forgot his meds this morning, that’s why he couldn’t focus, that’s why he couldn’t sit still and that’s why he had missed the ball. Daichi was going to be mad. He was going to make him sit out. Maybe kick him off the team. No, he wouldn’t do that.
Would he?
Nishinoya looked up to Daichi, who had moved to stand in front of him.
“Nishinoya I think it would be best if you sat out this set.” Nishinoya felt his heart plummet,
“No! I can still play! I’m perfectly fine! I just need-“
“Nishinoya Yuu.” Nishinoya froze, Daichi was being serious.
Nishinoya curled his hands into fists to stop them from shaking, finger nails biting into the skin of his palms. Bowing his head so Daichi couldn’t see the tears pooling in his eyes Nishinoya began to walk off court and to the side lines. Keeping his head down he took his place next to Suga, ignoring his quiet try’s at making conversation.
Nishinoya tried to hold still, he really did, he didn’t want to annoy his teammates like he did all his classmates today. But holding still made him anxious and nauseous, so he began to tap his foot and that turned to both of them. And then he was shifting his weight from on to the other and then jumping and popping his lips and clicking his tongue and tapping his legs with his hands and-
“Can you stop that?” Tsukkishima stood on Nishinoya’s other side, Yamaguchi having subbed in for him. When had that happened?
“I asked you to stop. God you are so annoying.” Nishinoya realized he was still tapping his thighs and immediately stopped, digging his nails in until he was sure he was drawing blood. Looking towards the score board he realized they were on their third set, 20-24, Nekoma in the lead. They had made it through three sets and Nishinoya hadn’t even realized. Guilt bubbled in his chest, they were going to loose now because of him, because he couldn’t play, he had let his team down and annoyed Tsukki- even though it wasn’t that hard to do. Nekoma made their final point , ball seeming to smack extra loud on the ground to Nishinoya and the whole team erupted in a loud cheer, Kuroo having to drag Kenma into it. Nishinoya flinched, stumbling back at the sudden volume change. His ears were ringing again, they were so loud even from across the gym.
Why were they so loud?
His breathing quickened, eyes burning and head pounding. It was loud and bright and his clothing itched and scratched at his skin and it was too much.
Too much too much too much
Toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch
“Nishinoya Senpai?” Nishinoya heart was beating in his chest loud and clear in his ears and he was sure the others could hear it. His fingers were scratching at his forearms, trying to relieve the itchy feeling. He could feel the presence of someone next to him and when they touched him he was sure he was going to pass out.
Too much
People were beginning to shout, his team was crowding around him, maybe Nekoma was too, he didn’t know. It all washed together into a mix of colors and was drowned out by the roaring in his head. Was he sitting in the ground? When had that happened?
“Everybody move!” Who was that? The room went silent, the sea of colors backed off until a blur of orange was sitting in front of him.
Oh
It was Hinata
“Hey Noya, can you see me? If you can’t that’s alright. Just try to focus your eyes for me, okay?” Hinata spoke quietly and slowly his hand coming up for a spot to focus on. In the moment Nishinoya didn’t care enough to wonder why Hinata was the one to help him, he was just grateful for the help.
Hinata smiled at him when he finally was able to focus his eyes, the ringing in his ears also reducing until it was almost gone . His chest still heaved, and his nails still scraped down his arm. Panicked, Nishinoya looked down to his arm to see lines of red dancing across his skin.
“Hey, don’t look at those. Look at me.” Nishinoya locked eyes with Hinata again, eyes wide and frightened.
“Can I have your hands?“ Hinata slowly put his hands out and Nishinoya was quick to grasp onto him, scared of hurting himself anymore.
“Hey it’s okay, they aren’t that deep. Most of them aren’t even bleeding they just look like it.” Hesitantly Nishinoya looked down again, this time noticing that only a few actually broke through skin and even the ones that did barely had a drop of blood.
With his breathing finally in control and his anxiety decreasing Nishinoya looked around at his other teammates, they had gathered around the two in a wide circle. Nekoma was standing off to the side, looking on in worry and whispering in hushed tones. Asahi sat right behind Nishinoya and had been the thing he had been leaning in the whole time. Nishinoya flushed, lurching forward and stuttering through an apology. Asahi laughed and waved it off but became serious again, looking down at the angry scratches on Noyas arms.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Nishinoya looked down guiltily,
“I umm- I might have, y’know, forgottotakemymedsthismorning.”
“Whoa, slow down a little bit.” Nishinoya sighed, rolling his eyes and said it again, this time a lot slower.
“I forgot to take my meds this morning.” He squeezed his eyes shut and waited to be reprimanded by Daichi, but it never came. Instead a soft hand landed on his shoulder and he opens his eyes to see Suga smiling sadly.
“Is this what it’s like for you?” Nishinoya looked down, tears threatening to spill again.
How many times was he going to cry today?
“It wasn’t this bad at first. My parents realized i was having trouble in school and blamed it on laziness. It started getting really bad in middle school when I started getting overwhelmed and would constantly have sensory overloads and panic attacks.” Suga smiled at him again, rubbing us thumb over Nishinoya’s shoulder, the action soothing his tense muscles.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I didn’t want to annoy you or bother you and Daichi because I forgot to take my meds this morning. It was just a stupid mistake and I already stress you two out enough. I didn’t want to make it worse!” Suga sighed before pulling Nishinoya into a hug,
“If you’re reacting this baldy then it’s not stupid. And you could never be a bother to me or Daichi. Or anyone on the team.” The other agreed quietly, nodding their heads and each giving him a small smile. Nishinoya began to cry, but not because he was overwhelmed, but because he was happy. The others shuffled a little closer, carful to give him his space and each began to lay their hand along his back in silent support.
“Thank you guys, so much.”
“Of course.” Suga pulled back and rubbed a hand down Nishinoya’s arm,
“Let’s go get your arm wrapped and then we’ll go get some meat buns. How does that sound?” The team cheered, Nishinoya leaping to his feet and jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas Day.
“Really!” He exclaimed, giggling.
“Really.” Suga laughed, ruffling his hair.
Later after everyone had had their meat buns and parted ways it was just Nishinoya and Asahi. The cold air felt nice on Nishinoya’s flushed cheeks, the sky was clear and perfect for stargazing as the two walked along the side walk. For a while they just shared constellations with each other, laughing at any weird shapes the other found. Then Asahi stopped walking and stood in the middle of the sidewalk, head bowed.
“Asahi-San?” Noya called, biting at his bottom lip.
“You- you could have told me,” Asahi started shuffling nervously on his feet,
“In- in the hallway. You could have told me.” Asahi finally looked up to Nishinoya, guilt in his eyes. Nishinoya smiled at his friend.
Friend?
“I know. I’ll tell you next time, I promise.” He held up his pinky, smiling widely when Asahi linked his pinky with his own.
“I’m keeping you to that.” He stated firmly, a smile spreading across his own face at the childish action. And from there they walked home together, neither letting go of the others pinky nor commenting on the fact. Wherever they were going to go with their relationship would have to be discussed another time. Both were just happy to walk together in each others presence and soak up the peaceful night together as friends.
Yeah,
As friends.