Work Text:
Then
Oikawa laid in Iwaizumi’s bed, waiting for the other to return. Iwaizumi had run to the bathroom for a washcloth, leaving Oikawa to his thoughts and his feelings. He didn't want to think about what they had just done—it's not everyday you get drunk after clinching a playoff spot in the NCAA. So maybe they celebrated too hard, maybe they were too drunk, and maybe they should have stopped to think about what they were doing before they had gotten into bed together.
But looking into Iwaizumi’s eyes, the feeling of his hands gripping his hips as they kissed against the beat-up old car Iwaizumi insisted on driving, Oikawa couldn't bring himself to care. He had been waiting for this moment since their freshman year of college. Perhaps that's what made Oikawa fall in love with his best friend. Maybe it was Iwaizumi’s determination, his drive. Or maybe it was the way that Iwaizumi would treat him inside their dorm room at night.
Those nights were the best. It was a time when both of them could let their guard down and just exist. They could be themselves, away from the pressure of hockey, away from the fear of never being good enough, away from the fear of not getting the chance to play in the big leagues. They could just be Iwaizumi and Oikawa.
And maybe it was a cliche to fall in love with your best friend, but Oikawa was never afraid of being a cliche. So that's where he was now. Naked in Iwaizumi’s bed, waiting for him to return so that they could finally talk about the elephant in the room that was their relationship. Because he knew that some of the freshmen on the team had started to ask questions and he wanted to be able to answer them the way he had always wanted to. He wanted to say that he and Iwazumi were together, he wanted to be able to hold hands in the dining hall and wear each other's jerseys for their senior night in a couple of weeks.
Oikawa broke out of his thoughts when Iwaizumi walked back into the room. Oikawa took the chance to ogle the other. He was rubbing his hands together, a nervous habit that he had whenever he was trying to work himself up to say something. Iwaizumi had yet to put a shirt on, his abs and arms out on display, which Oikawa was not complaining about.
Oikawa sat up in the bed, the blankets pooling around his waist as Iwaizumi approached.
“Oh…” Iwaizumi paused. “I thought you left already.”
“Why would I leave when we could go for round two?” Oikawa responded, ignoring the weird vibe he was getting from Iwaizumi.
“Um, right. I have to study now, so maybe you should head back to your place…”
Oikawa hesitated. “You want me to leave?”
“I mean, I just thought you would have by now,” Iwaizumi said.
Oikawa could feel his heart sink. “So…You want me to leave. You don't even want to talk about this?”
Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi shrugged and sat down at his desk on the other side of the room.
“I mean, it's not a big deal.”
Oikawa gaped at him. “Not a big deal?! Did we not just sleep together in this same exact bed?!” Oikawa motioned to where he was currently sitting.
Iwaizumi glanced back at him. “Well, obviously we did.”
“And you just want to ignore it? Move on? It never happened?”
Another shrug. “Like I said, it's not a big deal.”
Oikawa huffed, trying to ignore the stinging feeling behind his eyes. He wasn't going to cry, wasn't going to let Iwaizumi make him cry right after breaking his heart.
“So this was just an easy lay for you? You're just going to sleep with me and then cast me aside like some puck bunny?”
Iwaizumi sighed again before standing and walking over to Oikawa. He went to wrap his arms around Oikawa but he just shoved him away, not wanting Iwaizumi near him. Iwaizumi looked hurt for a second. Good , Oikawa thought, let him be hurt .
“Obviously I don't think you're a puck bunny. I'm just saying that we were both drunk and we had some fun. No need to drag it on longer than it has too.”
Oikawa glared at Iwaizumi before shoving him aside so that he could climb out of the bed. He hurried through getting dressed, not caring about how his hair looked for once. He stomped towards the door, Iwaizumi not even making an attempt to stop him. He gripped the doorknob and turned back to Iwaizumi, who had sat back down on the bed.
“You're not even going to stop me from leaving? You know the moment I walk out this door everything will change, right?” Oikawa asked, his voice cracking, finally giving away his hurt.
“Nothing has to change,” Iwaizumi whispered, not looking at Oikawa as he spoke.
“How dare you?” Oikawa gritted out. “You know everything is going to change and yet you're just sitting there, knowing damn well that what just happened between us was a long time coming. So, fuck you! I'm glad that this will be the last year we have to spend together.”
Oikawa slammed the door on his way out, stumbling down the stairs as the tears finally began to fall. So much for finally getting what he wanted…
Now
Oikawa sighed as he wandered the hotel hallways. He was looking for the room where his next couple of interviews would take place but he couldn't seem to find it. He was tired.The jetlag was finally catching up to him and all he wanted to do was skip out on all the interviews and go to sleep. On a normal occasion, he would do just that, slip down a back staircase and hide away until he was called down by a teammate or coach.
He didn't have that option here, though. He had been one of the lucky ones to be chosen to go to the All-Star Game. The game dedicated to “growing the fanbase,” as the NHL commissioner would say. In reality, it was a whole weekend for two players from each team in the league to get together and get blackout drunk the night before the actual game and play wildly hungover. This would be Oikawa's third All-Star appearance, so he knew by now how these things went. He would arrive at the hotel, mix and mingle with a couple of the guys who he had played with before, maybe shake hands with a star-struck rookie who most likely had a fathead of Oikawa on his wall growing up.
But after that he’d have to do dozens upon dozens of interviews, talking about how it was an honor to be chosen, how he wanted to win, how excited he was to be there. In reality, all he wanted was to go on the typical ‘bye week’ vacation with his teammates to the beach or to the casinos. But no, instead he had to spend his weekend break from hockey…playing hockey. It wasn't all bad, he figured. A lot of the time, everyone went out to the same bars and restaurants and drinks until their livers nearly gave out. Those times were when you make the most memories, Oikawa had learned that the first time he had come to the All-Star weekend.
Eventually, he found the hallway where a lot of players were standing around. He said hi to a few guys he recognized, including Daichi from Karasuno and his excitable rookie, Ushijima from Shiratorizawa who irked Oikawa to no end, and a couple of others. He must've been in the right place because he was soon ushered to a table with a mic on it, a dozen reporters standing in front of him, ready to get any soundbite that they could.
He, of course, got the usual questions: How does it feel to be back? Who are you most looking forward to playing with? What's your plan for the breakaway challenge? That fun stuff.
Oikawa put on his signature grin and answered all of the questions with the same grace and attitude he's had since he came into the league. He was in the middle of talking about his confidence on who would win fastest skater when another reporter stood up.
“How do you feel about teaming up with your old college buddy, Iwaizumi, on Sunday?” they asked.
Oikawa froze. In the back of his mind, he knew that Iwaizumi was here. He had seen all the posts he was tagged in on Instagram that his college team had posted, pictures of the two of them on the ice together, looking as happy as could be. The posts saying that the band was back together, when in reality, it was even more broken than they had thought. Oikawa thought back to the text on his phone from a number that he hadn’t saved, a message asking if they could talk and that he was sorry.
Oikawa didn't need to be a detective to figure out who had texted him; it was clear as day. Nearly three years to the date, Iwaizumi had finally reached out after all that silence.
“Yeah, it'll be good to see him,” Oikawa said. “I texted him last night telling him to pass to me every time,” he lied.
The reporters in the room laughed and Oikawa let out a sigh of relief. In all honesty, he was terrified of seeing Iwaizumi again. He had tried so many times to talk to him after that night back at school, but it was always brushed aside. They kept up appearances back at school, making everyone see that their captain and their A were still communicating and being the friends they all thought they were. It had been hard—nearly every time he saw Iwaizumi, he felt his heart break and then break even more. What hurt the most was that nearly a month after they slept together, Iwaizumi had come to breakfast with his neck covered in hickeys. Apparently, he had gotten a girlfriend at some point in the meantime. That's what broke him, what made him run back to his room, ignoring everyone calling after him, and let himself cry.
Soon his media time came to an end and he was allowed to leave. He got off the stand and wandered back into the hallway, where there were still a few players wandering around. He walked down the hall with his hands in his pockets, then pulled out his phone and opened the message from Iwaizumi once more. He had been debating what to say, or if he just wanted to ignore it like he had been. He wasn't paying attention to the area around him, causing him to stumble and run face first into another person in the hallway and to drop his phone.
“Sorry about that, dude,” Oikawa said, bending down to grab his phone.
“Oikawa…”
Oikawa froze once again. He slowly lifted his head and came face to face with the one person he had wanted to avoid at all costs. Staring at him with the same deep brown eyes that he could never forget. Iwaizumi Hajime.
Oikawa stood, trying to look anywhere but at the man in front of him. Iwaizumi hadn't changed all that much since they left school. He still had the same haircut and the same awful fashion sense. Oikawa would have laughed if he was able, at the bright red tie clashing horribly with the dark purple suit that Iwaizumi had chosen to wear. Another thing that hadn't changed was Iwaizumi’s way of masking his emotions. If he was surprised to see Oikawa, then he didn't show it. His face was neutral, not giving Oikawa any clue on how he was feeling.
“Iwa-- Sorry, I didn't see you there,” Oikawa said, brushing by Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi reached out to grab onto his arm to stop him from leaving, but Oikawa picked up his pace to avoid it. He felt adrenaline pumping through his veins, his breathing getting fast as he ran towards the elevators to go back up to his room.
He made it to his room and immediately sat down on his bed. He put his head in his hands, trying to calm his breathing. He didn't think that seeing Iwaizumi would be this hard. But even after years of not communicating with each other, Oiawa still felt the same heartbreak he did all those years ago.
The next morning Oikawa woke up with a headache. He got up and made sure to grab some Advil before heading down to the lobby to catch the bus to the arena where they would be playing. Today would just be the skills competitions and the next day would be the actual game. Oikawa already had a couple of texts on his phone from some of the guys there, inviting him out to the bar afterwards. He texted back to say that he'd be there. He also noticed yet another text from Iwaizumi, once again asking to talk. Oikawa ignored it and pocketed his phone. He shut his eyes as the bus pulled away and tried to focus on the competition.
The competition itself was fun. Mixing with guys from teams that he didn't get to see beyond playing against them. He even got to chat with Shigeru Yahaba, his center who was traded to another team last season. Oikawa enjoyed watching the trick shot contest, the shots getting more and more creative every year. This year, the redheaded rookie from the Crows did his shot backwards and blindfolded. He managed to score, which was a feat in itself. Soon, it was time for the fastest skater contest. Oikawa stepped up into the line, head held high. This would most likely be his last time being chosen for this specific contest, as younger and younger guys were getting called up and showing up the older guys, like Oikawa.
When it was his time to go, he took a deep breath and shot down the length of the ice. Pushing his stick out in front of him, feeling the wind flying by him as he skated. He crossed the line, pleased that he managed to grab second place to another younger guy from the Owls.
After Oikawa's contest, the rest of the day seemed to fly by. There was nothing left for him to do after his part in the day, so he settled on to the bench and watched the rest of the competitions. After his own event, it was time for the hardest shot contest. Oikawa watched as all the defensemen lined up to take their shots, many of them getting up into the high 90s. After the player from Shiratorizawa went, it was Iwaizumi’s turn. Oikawa's breath stuttered as he saw Iwaizumi step up. He remembered how strong Iwaizumi was jhjhj —he was always proud of his shot and Oikawa was sure that it had only gotten stronger since school.
Iwaizumi lined up his shot, pulling his arm back all the way up and sending the puck flying into the net. Oikawa watched with bated breath as everyone waited for the results to be shown. The crowd roared when the screen showed that Iwaizumi’s shot was sent at 103.4 MPH, the hardest shot, the winner of that contest. Oikawa clapped and cheered with the rest of the bench, not wanting the camera to catch him frowning. Iwaizumi skated by the bench, high-fiving the other guys and celebrating winning the hardest shot. People on the bench shuffled over and Iwaizumi ended up sitting right next to Oikawa. He tried to ignore him, but he could feel Iwaizumi looking at him. He turned his head slightly, raising an eyebrow.
“Good job, man,” Iwaizumi said, holding his hand out for a fist bump.
Oikawa replied hesitantly, “Thanks…um, same to you.”
Iwaizumi glanced around him before he leaned down to whisper in Oikawa's ear, “Can we talk?”
Oikawa tried his best not to look uncomfortable at how close they were. “About?”
“Us?”
“What would we even talk about?” Oikawa asked, frustrated.
“I want to apologize,” Iwaizumi said, placing his hand onto Oikawa's leg. “Please, just hear me out.”
Oikawa sighed. “Okay…You can come by my room tonight…we'll talk.”
After the competitions ended, Oikawa rushed through getting dressed so that he would get to his room before Iwaizumi and he would have a chance to calm himself down. He had a hunch as to what Iwaizumi wanted to talk about, but it still terrified him. Bringing up old memories that he didn't want to remember. So why would Iwaizumi bring up what had happened now? It had been years, they had both built their careers with their teams. What more could he want from him?
Oikawa made it to his room, noticing that Iwaizumi was not behind him. He ran his hands through his hair, gripping the strands tightly, a nervous habit. He grabbed water from the fridge—he had wanted to get a beer but he figured that he should be sober for this conversation. It was maybe 10 minutes later when there was finally a knock on his door. He slowly got up and made his way over. He opened the door to reveal Iwaizumi, wearing an old, worn down sweatshirt from college. Oikawa didn't know what he was playing at, but the image of a tired Iwaizumi wearing their school colors made him nostalgic.
“Um… Come in,” Oikawa said, letting Iwazumi into the room. He sat down at the desk and faced Oikawa.
“Want something to drink?” OIkawa asked, trying to break free of the tension that hung in the room.
“Yeah, water’s fine,” Iwaizumi replied.
Oikawa nodded and handed him a bottle from the fridge. He sat down on his bed, looking at Iwaizumi, waiting for him to finally get to the reason as to why he was here.
“So…um, it's been a while.”
“It has been,” Oikawa said, trying not to roll his eyes.
“I saw you got 100 points the other week, congrats,” Iwaizumi said.
“Thanks.”
Iwaizumi looked around the room for a second, his leg bouncing out of nervousness. “Okay look, we both know why we're here.”
Oikawa scoffed, “Actually I don't know why you're here. I just know that you haven't spoken to me in three years and then all of a sudden you want to talk instead of going out and getting plastered like we're supposed to do on All-Star weekend.”
The room was silent for a moment, both of them gathering their thoughts.
“I know we haven't spoken in a while, that's what I wanted to talk about.”
Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “What’s there to talk about? We slept together, it meant something to me, it meant nothing to you. We aren't on the same team anymore so we don't have to worry about line chemistry. What else is there to talk about?!”
Iwaizumi looked at him, a sad expression on his face. “You think it meant nothing to me?”
“Well, considering you basically kicked me out afterwards and then got yourself a girlfriend…yes, I would say that it meant nothing to you,” Oikawa said, looking away from Iwaizumi.
“Oikawa, I swear I didn't mean to make you think that.”
“Well, what else was I supposed to think?!” he shouted. “What was I supposed to think? My best friend refused to talk to me about it and now here we are, years later and still not talking!”
Iwaizumi put his head in his hands, his breathing turning ragged as Oikawa heard him start to cry softly.
“I was afraid,” he whispered. “I was afraid of what it meant for us. It was easier if we ignored it.”
“You shouldn't have made that decision for me. That isn't fair, Iwaizumi.”
“I know that it was wrong, but what was I supposed to do?” he questioned.
“Talk to me!” Oikawa said, standing up. “That's what you're supposed to do when you don't have the answer—you talk to someone!”
Iwaizumi stood up this time, too. “What was I supposed to say? Huh? What would've made you happy?”
“I would've liked to know that you didn't regret it! That nothing was going to change!”
“Things did change, though…”
“Yes, I am aware of that!” Oikawa shouted. “Everything changed. Because of you!”
Iwaizumi walked over to Oikawa. He grabbed him by the arms, pulling him in close.
“I was afraid because I didn't want to lose you!”
That made Oikawa freeze. “What do you mean? You wouldn't have lost me,” he whispered.
Iwaizumi dropped his arms and sat back down on the bed. Oikawa followed him, taking Iwaizumi’s hand in his own.
“Talk to me. We can't be any worse off than we already are,” Oikawa said.
Iwaizumi sighed. “I knew that after graduation, we would have to leave. Leave school, leave each other. I couldn't handle that.”
“Why not tell me that then? We could've figured something out.”
“I couldn't. I don't know why, I just couldn't tell you.”
“I just don't understand,” Oikawa said, finally looking at Iwaizumi. “Why didn't you talk to me?”
Iwaizumi was silent. His brows furrowed as he tried to come up with an answer. Oikawa waited—he had waited this long to get answers, so he was willing to wait him out.
“I couldn't handle the thought of you leaving. I had barely come to terms with how I felt about you and I just couldn't handle it. It was easier for me to ignore it than to confront it,” Iwaizumi said quietly.
Oikawa smiled sadly at him. “And how did you feel about me?”
“I loved you…”
“For what it’s worth, I loved you too.”
Iwaizumi let out a wet chuckle. “Think those feelings could still be there?”
“I don't know,” Oikawa answered honestly. He reached out and grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand in his own. “You hurt me so much all those years ago. It's hard to forget that.”
“Can we try?,” Iwaizumi asked, gripping Oikawa's hand tightly. “Try to at least be friends?”
Oikawa looked into his eyes. Saw the scared boy he had known all those years ago. They reminded him of how scared Iwaizumi was after he was hit badly during a game. He had looked terrified that night. Oikawa thought about it for a few seconds, trying to decide what he should say.
“I think…” He hesitated. “I might be willing to try, try to start over.”
Iwaizumi smiled. “Good, I’m glad.”