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“What do you mean you’ve never snogged someone? You’ve had like…” Sirius trailed off for a moment, quietly whispering names as he counted on his fingers, “three and a half relationships! You have to have snogged at least one of them.”
“A half?” You challenged, shifting away from him so that you could face him more directly on the couch.
“Nott doesn’t count.”
“Just because you didn’t like him doesn’t mean he doesn’t count, Sirius.” You rolled your eyes. When you had agreed to play “Never Have I Ever” with your best friend, it was with the assumption that he basically knew everything about you already. You hadn’t expected for it to turn into this.
“I don’t like any of the gits you date. Nott doesn’t count because you only said yes to him to annoy me.”
You opened your mouth to protest, but remembered that he was completely correct, and that the Hogsmeade date with Nott had been terrible anyway.
“Fine, three and half.” You conceded, “but no snogging.”
Sirius ran a hand through his already messy brown hair, shaking his head in abject disbelief. His reaction might have been funny, if it weren’t mildly embarrassing.
“I don’t see why this is such a big deal.” You added with a groan. Sirius wasn’t having it.
“It just is.” He said, shaking his head, “It’s an important skill, you know, kissing.” You scoffed.
“I’ve kissed people, Sirius, you know that. I can kiss.” He did know, having been your very first kiss back in second year. It was his turn to scoff.
“That’s not the same, and you know it. Or… I guess you don’t. Merlin, what am I going to do with you? I’ve failed you as a best friend.” You raised your eyebrows at his melodrama. It was becoming apparent that the game was over and long forgotten in favor of this new tangent.
“You’re such a drama queen, Sirius. It’s not your job to get someone to snog me.” You collapsed back into the plush couch, rubbing the bridge of your nose with your pointer finger and thumb. This was too much. The line between “best friend” and “crush” had always been fine with Sirius, and the fixation on your kissing history was quickly skewing towards the latter.
When you opened your eyes again, his dark brown eyes were laser-focused on your face. This could only mean trouble.
“Whatever you’re thinking, Sirius, the answer is no.” You said immediately. He was undeterred.
“Hear me out.” He insisted, reaching for your hand. You gave it to him reluctantly and he rewarded you with a soft smile.
“I’m not letting you set me up, Sirius. In case you don’t recall, all of your friends are my friends too.” The mental image of snogging James flashed in your head and you wrinkled your nose in disgust, forcing it away.
“What? No.” He huffed in annoyance. “Listen to me. I can show you what it’s like.”
You became suddenly aware of a high-pitched whine at the edge of your consciousness. The next few breaths you took were laborious as you fought to keep your heart rate measured and consistent. Sirius was still talking, but you had to fight to understand what he was saying.
“… not like we haven’t before. Besides, I’m an expert.” He flashed a cocky smirk at you and you didn’t know if you wanted to hit him or kiss him. Maybe both. Simultaneously.
“You don’t think that would be… weird?” You asked, chewing your bottom lip. “We’re best friends.”
Sirius rolled his eyes at you.
“Exactly, we’re best friends. You trusted me with your first kiss, right?” He asked. You swallowed thickly.
“Right.”
“So why is this any different?”
There were a million reasons it was different. You were twelve when that happened, for one, and kissing at twelve was very different than kissing at seventeen. And back then your crush was a small, simple, thing, not this pained longing that haunted you for hours after the two of you hung out alone. It was a terrible idea, kissing Sirius again, much less snogging him. Still, who better to show you the difference. You took a shaky breath, hoping that Sirius couldn’t see through your nerves.
“Okay.” You said finally, looking up at him.
“Okay?” He asked. It was his turn to sound breathless, and you hoped that he wasn’t bluffing. He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I mean… great! Just let me know if something is too much, okay?”
Oh. He meant now. Like, right now. You were going to implode. You nodded dumbly and Sirius flashed you a brilliant smile. This was it. This was how you would die. Your heart pounded in your chest as he shifted closer to you, no hesitation in his movements.
He reached out slowly, cupping your face with the hand that wasn’t locked with yours. You leaned into his touch instinctively, drawing a soft chuckle from him when your eyes slid shut.
You could feel him draw near, his breath fanning out across your face as he leaned in.
“May I?” he asked. You swallowed.
“Yes.”
He pressed his lips against yours, gently at first, and then with enough pressure to draw a soft gasp from you. It was slow, experimental, and you realized that he was going at your pace. When he didn’t immediately pull away with regret, you kissed him back.
That was all it took. His hand moved from your cheek to the back of your neck and he pulled you into him, his mouth moving against yours with increased desperation. He tasted of the cinnamon candies he used to get rid of his cigarette breath around you and his mouth was so deliciously warm on yours that you didn’t think you could pull away from him if you wanted to. You didn’t want to.
You melted into him, parting your lips to let him slide his tongue against yours. A soft whimper escaped your lips and you blushed, embarrassed, but Sirius only growled and devoured you further. His kiss was searing, needy, all consuming, and you wanted to burn with him. He sucked your bottom lip into his mouth and you moaned, gripping his t-shirt tight with your free hand.
His eyes widened and he drew away, panting. You could have sobbed with the loss. Had he come to his senses? Realized that he didn’t want you that way?
“Hey, love, look at me.” He rasped, his fingers finding your chin to turn your face to him. “I got carried away, I’m sorry. Was that too much?”
You could have laughed if you didn’t want to cry. Too much. You didn’t know what that meant, with Sirius. There was nothing that you didn’t want of him. You weren’t sure how you could go back to a world where you weren’t allowed to kiss him, to taste him. You took a breath, realizing that you still needed to reply.
“No, no, Sirius, it was perfect.” The words came out as a whisper, your voice fading under the intensity of his gaze. His eyes searched your face for any hint of doubt, lingering perhaps too long on your swollen lips. His tongue darted out to wet his lip and you followed its motion with your eyes, biting your lip when he swallowed nervously.
“I don’t think I can let you do that with anyone else.” He said after a moment, “I might not get you back from them this time.”
You furrowed your brow in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
In lieu of an answer, he kissed you again, crushing you into his chest. He stole your breath and then released you, though his eyes said that he hadn’t wanted to stop.
“I’m fed up watching you go on bad dates with losers that don’t even know how to kiss you proper. Merlin knows, I’ve tried to be patient, but when are you going to pick me?”
“Pick you?” You asked, eyes wide with the shock of hearing your own feelings reflected in your best friend. “I didn’t think…”
“That I was mad for you? I thought you were letting me down easy, but you really had no clue, did you?” You shook your head, searching for clarity that didn’t come.
This was backwards. Sirius was the one who wasn’t interested in you. The one that went on countless dates. The one who… had stayed back from Hogsmeade any time you had a date, feigning illness. The one who abandoned a date because you skinned your knee or needed help carrying something back to the castle. The one who always brought you treats while you studied, and knew just how you took your tea in the morning.
Oh. Sirius laughed as he watched the realization dawn on your face.
“You didn’t!”
“Sirius, I’ve fancied you since second year. Everyone knows it. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Why didn’t you?”
You frowned. That was fair. The friendship the two of you shared was too important, too sacred, to risk for what you thought might be an unrequited crush. It wasn’t unrequited, though, and it wasn’t just a crush anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time.
“What does this mean for us, then?” You asked finally, searching his face for answers. He kissed you again, softly this time.
“It means I get to do this more often.” He said, “And that maybe we can be more than just best friends, if you’ll have me.” It shouldn’t have been a question, and you wanted to tell them that, but he looked so vulnerable, so earnest, that you would have given him anything.
You threw your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug.
“Of course, Sirius. You’re mad if you think I’m going to let anyone else kiss me after that.” You joked, pressing a kiss into his shoulder.
“Good, because I have so much more to show you.”