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Chapter Text

Prologue

Blood. Fresh, red blood was dripping off Elain’s white nightgown. Her hands were trembling when she raised them in the front of her face. It was like she had dipped them in a lake made of blood. She didn’t like the sensation on her palms. It was soft and hot. Someone else’s blood in her hands. Panicked, Elain started wiping the blood off her. She started jumping and sobbing when suddenly she saw the source of the blood in front of her. A pile of dead bodies was in front of her. Every single one staring with dead eyes in her direction. Some of those faces were familiar she came to realize. Her family. Her friends and family were staring at her with dead eyes. She sobbed harder and moved in their direction. But then she fell over a dead body near her. The body’s luminous red hair matched the color of blood around it. The blood around her. She turned the body’s head in her direction only to come across Lucien’s bruised face and lifeless gaze. Her mate. Her mate was dead. She held him close and screamed.

Elain jolted awake. She wiped the sweat off her face and tried to inhale slowly so she could calm her heartbeat. She always made sure that the bond was sealed from her side at night. She didn’t want Lucien to worry because of her. Didn’t want him to think she was a freak. She cried a little bit at her too often nightmares which tormented her usually quiet sleep. Or it used to be quiet. When she was still a human at least. Even when her family was strangling in that cottage Elain had never felt this kind of fear. She was happy she had her sisters close and safe. Even when Feyre and Nesta fought she knew that they were safe and healthy. But these days she found it difficult to be calm. She thought it was stupid to worry now that they were among so much power and protection. Of course, she tried to warn everyone about her fears but no one listened. They were too busy with the baby and Nesta and Cassian’s mating ceremony. Plus no one took her seriously in those kinds of matters since she had offered to help many times but the answer was always that someone else could do it for her.

She got out of bed and went straight to the room’s balcony. Spring in Velaris was quite cold and the chilly breeze made Elain shiver while she was staring at the night sky. The city of starlight, as Feyre loved to say, was truly amazing at night. The stars and the moon along with the city lights that shone all night made a great contrast with the deep blue of the night sky. Contrast with what seemed unending darkness. It made her feel hope to think that there is light everywhere. But just like darkness always finds its way, nightmares always find their way to her, and her awoken fears destroyed every ounce of positivity she had left. So, she used to spend her nights looking at the stars waiting for them to whisper the answers to all of her unanswered questions. She took her eyes from the sky to look at the Sydra river. Its water was flowing calmly and it made her wonder where and when its waters get violent. The river’s flow reminds her of her once quiet and predictable life which was so brutally disturbed by a sequence of traumatizing events. She tried to understand, to convince herself to find her happy ending in a situation she couldn’t control. But was there anything she was able to control in her life even as a human? The answer was obvious, and it was haunting her along with her nightmares. The realization that she doesn’t know herself, she doesn’t know what she wants to be had concerned her a lot these days.

Her sisters were too busy being happily mated to see both her dissatisfaction and confusion. Not that she blamed them. She was happy that they found peace in their new family, amongst their friends. But she can’t help the envy that grows in her stomach every time she sees them happy. She can’t keep her mind from thinking all the things she wanted are gifted to her sisters. She can’t stop feeling angry when she thinks that the future she craved was taken away from her only to be locked in a perfect cage made by her own sisters with every decision taken on her account by their acceptance. This state allows her to pathetically observe them at a distance but not live actively beside them. She is utterly bored and hopeless. Influenced by Feyre and Nesta, the inner circle has also become too protective of her. She doesn’t have an opinion except for garden or baking issues. Training was out of the question since Feyre gave birth to Nyx and was back to her duties. Nesta didn’t want to even talk about it declaring her refusal like it was her choice to make. But even if they had agreed Elain didn’t want to become a warrior like the Valkyries. Elain believes in a different kind of power. But no one cares about her opinion. If you aren’t a warrior in the night court, you don’t deserve a say. Everyone needs to be able to fight like some legendary hero. No one cares about the dreams she made to travel and see the world. To be free. And what hurt her the most was the fact that she never had the chance to make her dreams come true. And it’s quite disturbing not to be able to make your dreams come true in a place with people that call themselves ‘’a court of dreams’’. And instead of being free she is stuck being a political pawn for her brother-in-law’s advantage. If Elain had to pick a name for that court it would probably be ‘’a court of overprotective idiots without any dream that doesn’t involve sex’’. And it would be an accurate name.

The only way she had thought about escaping in her human days was through marriage. A hope of a husband who enjoys traveling or at least one who lets her have a say in what happens in her life. But that plan kind of failed. Not only failed but left Elain deeply heartbroken because she had really fallen in love with her former fiancé. She used to make dreams about their life together and in her mind, it seemed like a great life. She thought that Greyson was her prince but in the end, he proved himself to be a toad. She always wished for her life to turn out like a fairytale. She should have made sure that it would evolve in the right way and not backward.

After Elain showed interest in her powers she started to have magic lessons with Amren in order to understand them but the lessons with her were so awkward that she couldn’t concentrate. Amren was looking at her intensively like she was trying to solve a mystery and that look disarmed her. So, she always left her lessons tired and disappointed. She had learned the basic skills that every high fae possessed but that kind of knowledge couldn’t help her get over her nightmares or control her visions. Rhysand on the hand was always watching her wary and sometimes the look on his face made her feel like a criminal under interrogation. He always liked her but he was acting weird lately. Cassian wasn’t paying any attention to her since he and Nesta had a lot of preparations to do for their mating ceremony – wedding as for the Valkyrie unit they prepared.

Azriel was nowhere to be seen along with Mor. She imagined that they would show up for Nesta and Cassian’s wedding in a few hours. She didn’t let herself think about the incident with Azriel. He had always been kind to her and the two of them had spent a lot of time together sitting in comfortable silence. Elain wanted to find her place in the night court like her sisters did. But she couldn’t. Not on her own at least. Elain always found the shadowsinger’s company enjoyable and comfortable. It was beautiful to feel someone there for her. Someone who could love her for who she was. Not because she was family. Not because someone else instructed it. She wanted to find the love she once shared with Greyson. Before everything. And she was really surprised when Azriel got her a present let alone a necklace. Of course, she returned it the moment she understood that another Graysen situation might occur if she kept it. Elain had enough embarrassment from the encounter with her former betrothed and she would prefer the history not to repeat itself.

Elain sighed at her loneliness and desperation for freedom and love while she dropped her hands from the terrace railings. She had to get back to her room to get some rest before Nesta’s big day. The preparations for Nesta and Cassian’s mating ceremony had taken weeks since Nesta had let Rhys arrange everything and they both agreed – for the first time in their acquaintance- to make a big fuss about it. Elain had been exhausted by the preparations because they wanted her opinion on almost everything: “You are the specialist in these matters” Nesta kept reminding her as if she could ever forget that everyone thinks that her only personal trait is ‘’her will to become a housewife’’. The ceremony would take place at the river house which was properly decorated for the occasion. The flowers that Elain had suggested were mostly white and soft blue so they could match Nesta’s wedding gown and some details in red so they could match the deep red of Cassian s siphons. Elain had put her soul into the decoration of the space because she wanted her sister to be the happiest bride. As happy as Nesta could be. The last two years had been tricky for everyone, and she wanted this celebration to be a reminder that there are still beautiful things in life.

Elain stepped back inside, got back into bed, and had a rough time sleeping as usual. She had a constant sensation that someone had always his eyes on her. A strange presence always following her. That’s how she would describe it if someone cared enough to ask. Goosebumps erupted in her body, and she decided to bring the blankets over her head like they would protect her from what being was lurking in her room. At some point, she managed to fall asleep. A dreamless sleep but certainly not a relaxing one.

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

Elain wanted this night to be finally over. She couldn’t stand the darkness of her own room. She was drowning in the shadows and felt like the light had abandoned her. And in an unexpected way, it had. Back in her human days, she would never imagine that there would be a time that she would feel so empty. All the warmth and light she once had were somehow restrained within a thick veil of emptiness. Joy is replaced by void. Confidence by doubt. Light by blackness. Warmth by freezing cold. And she felt the cold in her heart for almost two years without anything that could make it bearable. The fireplace across her bed held no fire because of the warm weather. However, even when it did, she couldn’t feel its warmth. But, she still missed the way the smooth flames used to hold her company in the winter when she came back into her room only to be alone in her own mind, trapped in those four walls, protected from the raging winter cold. Her ‘’private’’ space, though, felt made of glass when all lights were out and that disturbing, burning, and foreign gaze crawled into the room and crept on her at night. She refused to turn the lights on, though. If that thing wanted to harm her, then so be it. Maybe it would be better for everyone. She was useless anyway and no one would miss her. She was a burden. That’s what she was. Maybe it would be better for her as well. Maybe if she died, she could finally find the peace she craved in the undying lands where the souls roam after the end of life. Or her bad luck would be to eternally suffer drawing in darkness but that would be no different from what she was experiencing now. She had nothing to lose from that possibility, on the contrary, perhaps she had something to gain. Only time could tell, and her fate wasn’t in her own hands.

She had her eyes closed trying but failing to imagine the flower fields of her old, fading, almost forgotten now, dreams. The bloomed dandelions that filled huge pieces of land with color and the sunlight that came through the braces of ancient trees. The calming smell of the blended aromas of different roses raising from well-cared gardens. The birds singing her favorite melody and the hard-working bees flying to find their precious nectar. But she couldn’t remember anything because those dreams had abandoned her. Every time she saw a flower now, she felt like she is supposed to see something that isn’t there anymore. When she was outside, she didn’t notice anything beautiful anymore. She couldn’t listen. She couldn’t see. Even when she was out in the garden she couldn’t feel. She couldn’t feel anything except the thorns she let pierce her pearl-like skin. Then she could feel pain. Then she could feel blood. Then she could smell it and sense its taste in her mouth just like in her dreams. That always would remind her of the changes in her life, of her lost peace of mind. It was a relief to know at least that those dreams had nothing to do with her visions because those were different but not less terrifying. They had a different aftertaste, and they were like seeing a scene through disturbed waters. Like the black waters of the cauldron. Her dreams were the results of her own deepest fears, but the visions were like viewing stolen pictures of the future in secrecy and like overhearing silenced dialogues and whispers, secrets meant not to be heard and revealed.

A shadow stepped into the room at last. Nualla. Everyone thinks that the wraiths and Azriel could not be detected when they are shadow walking, but Elain could see the absence of light in the open space. She could see Azriel’s shadows coming in, heading to their master, and then joining the visible dance going around the shadowsinger. Nualla’s light steps stopped in front of the window, and she flung open the curtains and opened the shutters. Elain removed the blankets off her and welcomed the morning after an unending night.

‘’Good morning miss Elain!!’’ Nualla greeted Elain with a bright smile. ‘’You must be excited!’’

‘’Not half as much as Cassian! Good morning and stop calling me miss! Elain is fine.’’ Elain said with a small smile while rubbing her eyes. Nualla nodded and left a tray full of food at her nightstand. Elain ignored the food and turned to find the half wraith holding the case of her dress.

‘’Today is your sister’s wedding! I can’t believe she is marrying Cassian! They are such a nice couple don’t you think?’’ Elain was happy for her sister and mate, but she couldn’t help the jealousy tugging in her guts. She reminded herself that today wasn’t about her it was about Nesta so she would forget her own troubles for the day and see this ceremony as an opportunity to feel alive again.

‘’They are great together! But what is this? My dress? Will you allow me to see my dress at last?’’

‘’Of course. Today is the big day and our High Lord arranged everything perfectly’’ Elain didn’t doubt that. Rhys was beyond grateful to Nesta since she saved his family. He had everything arranged for the wedding-mating ceremony without ever caring about the cost. Elain would never be granted such gifts. She knew it. She was kind and pleasant to be around but she wasn’t considered powerful or brave. She was just pretty Elain and that is who she would be for eternity as it seemed.
‘’I’m sure he did. Now let me see it.’’

‘’It was made inspired by your style Elain.’’ Elain pretended to be thrilled out of excitement but hearing what Nualla had just said she knew exactly the type of dress she was about to see. Probably it was soft pink with huge skirts, a tight bodice for a super slim waist, and big sleeves, and all of that was made of the most expensive silk. She shouldn’t be ungrateful and that’s why she never was disrespectful, never showed she liked different things in life from time to time, and that she wanted new experiences because that’s not what it is to be expected from her. Her mother used to say to her ‘’ If you want to be loved you should bear any kind of pain with a charming smile on that beautiful face of yours. That should be enough for you to survive or even find a wealthy husband to fall in love with you.’’ So that’s what she did.

‘’Elain I can’t wait any longer so here it is!!! Isn’t it a masterpiece? It is made from the most expensive silk. The silk is made in the Summer Court, of course, which is known for…’’ She widened her eyes in fake surprise and then muted Nualla’s long speech about the fabric and how considerate the High Lord is and she would let her continue to speak until she was over with it. Elain couldn’t share her happiness. She was tired but she would keep on existing hoping that someday she will find a reason to start living again. Elain couldn’t help but smile at the thought that she was considered boring by everyone in the inner circle and out of it, but she couldn’t understand how it was everyone else that seemed so predictable to her? Visions weren’t needed to predict the inner circle’s actions. It was just too easy for her to read them like an open book.

‘’Isn’t it fabulous?’’ Elain resisted the urge to roll her eyes at Nuala’s enthusiasm and simply nodded. Then the door burst open, and Cerridwen stepped in glaring at her twin.

‘’ Nuala stop talking and please just go prepare the bath because perhaps you forgot but we have work to do! And you miss Elain! Why is your food still untouched? Come on you must hurry so you can go help your sister dress!’’

‘’Good morning to you too Cerridwen, we are fine, thank you for asking! And don’t call me miss! Elain is just fine!’’

‘’Whatever. Now eat.’’ And that was the end of the discussion. Elain ate a few bites and sneaked into the bath before Cerridwen made her eat more. She couldn’t get calm in the water, so she used to hurry, and while she was in, she hummed a song that her father used to sing to her when she was upset. She didn’t remember the lyrics, but she was under the impression that they had something to do with hope. But Elain held no hope for her future. She knew that this would be her life. She stepped out where the twins helped her dress and pulled half of her hair up. They added soft pink roses that matched her dress and they tried to make her wear a necklace, but she wasn’t really fond of them. She preferred earrings because they didn’t bother her while she was gardening or helping the staff in the kitchen. So, she put on a pair of pink diamond earrings instead and stepped out of the door.
While she was roaming in the corridors trying to spot any of her sisters, she heard a baby’s soft cry coming from the living room. She found Feyre and Rhysand trying to calm Nyx down. The baby was in his father’s arms wailing and her poor sister was shaking a toy desperate for her baby to stop screaming.

‘’Good morning, everyone! Nyx is feeling like being the drama today, huh?’’ Elain said with a charming smile. She couldn’t believe that it was so difficult for those legendary warriors to cope with such a tiny and cute creature as baby Nyx.

‘’Elain don’t test my patience, please. Not today.’’ Feyre pleaded but then her eyes lit up staring at Rhys. Elain knew exactly what they were saying through their bond. They would like to hand Nyx to her so he would stop. Her nephew knew what he was doing.
‘’Elain if you have nothing to do can you please stay with Nyx for a minute?’’ Here it was! So predictable! ‘’It will be just for a minute. I will go to the house of wind to check on Cassian-‘’

‘’-And I will go to check on Nesta and the girls. It will be for a little while. Rhys will come to take Nyx and then you can join us!’’ Elain kept staring for a moment just to see their reaction. She liked to mess around with them like that. She liked to make them think she hadn’t already figured out a thing and that they should explain to her in detail why they assigned her to do something and not someone else. It was better for her to know she outsmarted them than to feel irritated because they probably thought she was stupid. But she enjoyed the fact that she understood more than expected. Rhys and Feyre had still their hopeful gazes upon her, and she decided to put them out of their misery.

‘’Everything for my nephew.’’ Both then exhaled the long breaths Elain was sure they were holding but she didn’t plan to make it easy for them. ‘’He will be a better company than an anxious Nesta and an even more anxious Cassian, I’m sure of it.’’ Then the parents stared at each other probably to reconsider but Elain wouldn’t leave this opportunity for a peaceful morning slip off her hands. She took the wailing Nyx off his father’s arms and patted each of them on the shoulder. ‘’Have fun!’’ She knew she had won.
‘’Elain wait a second!’’ Rhys and Feyre called for her in one voice, but it was too late.

‘’Sorry can’t hear you the baby is crying!’’ she said with her back on them heading to the kitchen. Elain hummed the song she used to sing to Nyx as a lullaby and patted softly the baby’s back always aware of his fragile bat wings that had almost killed both son and mother. Elain didn’t know how to feel about Rhys’s order to keep this a secret from Feyre. She was mad when she found out. She didn’t know a thing until the incident with Nesta and her mind couldn’t comprehend such an action. But she decided that she would do as Feyre said and if her sister had forgiven her mate, she would forgive him as well. However, she wouldn’t forget it so easily since he wasn’t able to forget the mistakes she and Nesta made as teenagers. If he didn’t forget, then she wouldn’t forget either. That was a form of protection she had in mind in case something bad happened. Noticing things so no one could outsmart her. She did that since she was a little kid. And she didn’t pick that from her mother’s or father’s ‘’how to find a husband’’ pieces of advice, she just thought it was smart as a defense mechanism.

Finally, after ten minutes of humming and patting, Nyx stopped and stared at Elain with those big blue eyes of his. Now that the baby was silent though Elain started feeling anxiety forming in her guts. Her heartbeat increased and she was feeling her blood running in her veins. Nyx was clapping his hands happily, but Elain couldn’t share his enthusiasm. She was feeling like she was having a heart attack. Then she heard someone knocking on the door. Nyx was jumping up and down in her arms and with no one around she hurried to open the door. With her heart pounding like crazy in her chest and her pulse increasing she flung the door open only to come across him. Lucien. Her mate.

****

Lucien had never felt more nervous. Here he stood at the front door of Rhysand’s home with his heart thundering in his chest and guts twisting out of anxiety. Every time he had to come back to Night, he had the same reaction. He couldn’t stand the thought that there was a chance he would see her. Today though this was a fact. Jurian tried to make him feel better, before he left, telling him this was a nice opportunity for him to approach his mate. But what did Jurian know about relationships? He was fighting with Vassa all night and then complained to Lucien all day about it. He should really calm down. He tried to inhale slowly and exhale even more slowly but then a very familiar scent of jasmine and honey made him think that it would be better for him to just leave.

The door flung open and there she stood. Elain. His mate.

Touch her, smell her, taste her…

She was as breathtaking as always holding Feyre’s baby in her arms. She was wearing a soft pink dress that flattered her too-thin waist. It was made with silk and the bodice was covered with lace. It was the usual style of dresses she wore he came to realize. He thought that she would wear something like that. And her shiny hair was in her usual hairstyle, half up half down. She was predictable. She seemed healthy enough, but she could be so much better. Did she eat at all? She wasn’t like the first time they met but he couldn’t say that she was in perfect health condition.

‘’Uhm Good morning’’ Elain said with an awkward smile. He hated this. He hated she was so awkward around him. He didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.

‘’Uhm Hello. I’m sorry for intruding but I was supposed to meet with Rhysand here.’’ He was sure the High Lord of Night did this on purpose. He wanted them to meet alone as a reminder that he had his mate in his court so he would always stay in line. Rhysand wanted them together because he was smart enough to recognize Lucien’s importance as a political pawn. And not just Lucien’s apparently but Elain’s as well. Rhysand wasn’t the brightest, but he was cunning. He would give him that.

‘’Of course. Please come in, he will be here at any moment. He is supposed to take Nyx as well.’’ The baby in her arms was jumping up and down smiling and clapping its chubby little hands. Same energy as Feyre. He stepped inside and followed her to the surprisingly empty living room.

‘’Where is everyone?’’ He said and then resisted the urge to slap himself as he regretted the exact moment the words left his mouth. He didn’t want her to think he didn’t enjoy her company. ‘’ I wanted to give Nesta or Cassian their present’’ He saved it and thanked the cauldron he had brought the present with him and hadn’t sent it yesterday.

‘’Oh uhm, Feyre and the other girls are in Nesta’s room helping her, Rhysand and Azriel are helping Cassian at the House of Wind and the staff is outside. They have placed a magical tent for the food and drinks so they wouldn’t have to move back and forth in the house.’’ That was the longest Elain had spoken in a sentence since they first met. He had resisted the urge to growl when he heard the shadowsinger’s name coming from her lips. That bastard had his sights on his mate from the very start. He thought it was his imagination at first or that he was becoming obsessed because of the bond. For a while, he ignored the tag of jealousy in his stomach and thought Azriel was a decent male, but Solstice made everything clear to him.

‘’As for the gift let me take it with everything else.’’ Lucien extended the bag, but Elain couldn’t grasp it when Nyx was practically dancing in her arms. ‘’He is calmer usually…’’

‘’With Feyre’s blood in his veins, I doubt it. Don’t trouble yourself you can just tell me where I should leave it.’’

‘’It’s kind of a mess in there so will you be ok to hold him for a minute?’’ She would trust him with Nyx? That was something.

‘’I have survived worse don’t worry’’ he said with more confidence than he felt. Elain hand him over with her hands brushing on his own. Her hands were soft on his skin but felt so cold… Was she cold or that was her natural temperature? Or maybe he was too warm…

The baby settled in his arms and surprisingly Nyx rested his head on Lucien’s shoulder and put his thumb in his mouth. Elain’s eyes widened at the sight and her eyebrows shot up.

‘’He likes you!’’ She said and her cheeks turned scarlet. She was so beautiful. He liked the color on her face. It was something different than her usual pale complexion.

‘’It was time for someone to like me in this house I guess’’ Elain’s eyes widened once again, and she turned her back on him and left with the present. Beautiful or not he wouldn’t be easy on her. He would make her respond to him. And a real response, not those fake little smiles meant to please everyone else. Elain may forget that Lucien is her mate, but he can see right through her, and he would use that to make her reveal her true self. He denied believing that this behavior was normal. He gave her enough time but now it was time to act. He wouldn’t press her to be his, but he would help her find herself and live at last even if it meant losing her in the process. He would do everything to make her happy and her happiness was his only goal. His needs and desires don’t matter when it comes to her. He would protect her because he couldn’t stand failing her like Jesminda. He would make her feel free because he owed that to both Jesminda and Elain. He would be whatever she wanted him to be for her. His mate.

Nyx fell asleep and Elain hadn’t come yet. Lucien was furious at the fact that everyone else left her alone to go and have fun. He was certain that when they left her with the youngling, Nyx was crying. He could see the stains of tears on his cheeks. And they knew Elain would be too kind to refuse. Then suddenly he heard the noise of multiple objects falling on the ground, certainly with too much force that could crush someone as fragile as Elain, coming from the direction she left. He was on his feet right away keeping his steps light so he wouldn’t disturb Nyx. When he entered the room he sense she would be, he found Elain trying to stack all the gifts that had fallen down from the remaining stacks. Who was so stupid to have put them like that?

‘’Are you ok? I heard the noise, and I came to check on you.’’ Elain jumped in surprise and placed a hand on her chest.

‘’AH! Thank you I am just fine. Someone not so smart let Cassian stack the presents.’’ As he imagined. Someone pretty stupid.

‘’Do you need a hand?’’

‘’Nyx is sleeping’’ they said in unison.

‘’Yes, he is’’ Lucien said with confidence. ‘’Is that hard to make him fall asleep?’’ He said with a little more bitterness than he originally intended to use.

‘’It is actually’’ Elain said in a voice matching his. Not submission then. Interesting. But when she faced him fully, he spotted a cut on her cheek. He stepped in front of her and raised a hand in front of her face.

‘’You are hurt.’’ She was so close to him now. They were so close to each other that he could actually get drunk by inhaling her scent just once. While he was dropping his hand, she was raising hers. Their fingers brushed against each other, and it was enough to send chills to his whole body. Their eyes locked and Lucien couldn’t help but feel lost in her sparkling gaze. He was sure he could see fire in it and that pleased him. She was worth fighting for.

‘’It’s just a cut.’’ Just a cut she said. No, his mate shouldn’t have a cut because of an idiot who didn’t know how to stack. His mate should be completely healthy because she shouldn’t be afraid of anything hurting her even if it was just paper. They kept staring at each other and he couldn’t help his traitorous heart from pounding. He hoped that she couldn’t listen to it anymore. Then he scented an unpleasant presence nearby. The shadowsinger. He didn’t take his eyes from her though and to his surprise, she didn’t either. Maybe she couldn’t tell. But at that particular moment, he decided he didn’t care and he kept his eyes on her.

‘’Elain, I came to take… ‘’ They both turned then. The shadowsinger was glaring at him. ‘’Nyx. I came to take Nyx.’’

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Lucien was not fond of the Night Court members and they certainly weren’t fond of him. He had tried to blend in, but he always felt unwelcomed and outcasted. With the shadowshinger staring at him with lurking resentment in his gaze it reminded him of his exile once again. He was familiar with the feeling, and it didn’t satisfy him he had to experience it once more. Of course, longing for a home was not the feeling that consumed Lucien’s heart while he noticed the bastard was occasionally breaking his glaring to glance at Elain. His mate was breathtakingly beautiful but the shadowsinger’s gaze on her was not one of admiration but of lust. There were so many females out there. And if Azriel had fucked every single one in Velaris during the fifty years of Amarantha’s reign, Lucien could certainly find someone for him to fuck. He had many friends, he could arrange it. He would even pay the bills for their first dates if a dating arrangement would lead Azriel to let Elain be. He had always assured himself he would stay strong and support Elain’s choice to be with someone else if that was what she wanted. But not Azriel, not him.

He dared a glance at Elain as well, but she had her eyes, her sad eyes, the same ones he got to see up close, the darkness and despair in them, fixed on the Illyrian male and her attention was on him, not with interest or shame or embarrassment of being caught cheating by a lover as he expected, but with an assessing look on her eyes as if she was trying to understand how he had appeared and she hadn’t noticed. Like she was certain she knew every movement around and she suddenly had missed a sense of something important.

Remembering Azriel’s statement, Lucien responded with a firm and calm voice surprising himself with his self-control: ‘’He is asleep. It would be better to put him in his crib’’

‘’His father assigned me to bring him back to the House of Wind,’’ Azriel replied in a defensive voice and extended his arms. ‘’ And it would be better to give Nyx to me. He gets fussy among strangers’’

Yeah, that’s why he fell asleep on me, prick! That is what Lucien would like to reply but he reminded himself he had to be polite. Elain was still beside him and as much as he would love to talk back, he knew females don’t appreciate catfights. And Elain was a lady. She had her back at them now surveying the view out of the window. He couldn’t see her face, but he was sure she felt irritated by them. Swallowing his pride for her sake he handed Nyx carefully into Azriel’s still extended arms.

‘’And now that we mentioned Rhysand, he has stood me up for a long time. He said he would be here and instead I’ve been here waiting for him to show up’’

‘’And what if he did? You were busy anyway!’’ irritation colored his voice and Lucien balled his hands into fists trying to find the courage to restrain himself. The male was jealous.

He was bothered finding him here alone with Elain, but Lucien had no intention of harming or seducing her. He was just helping her.

What was up between the two was not clear, although, there was certainly something. Attraction? A relationship even? Lucien couldn’t understand. Azriel’s interest was clear as day, but Elain’s solemn face betrayed nothing. She was now looking at them silently. She was always silent. Azriel was insulting them both and especially him and she wasn’t responding. He should have known she wouldn’t do anything. She always doesn’t. Though the lack of response was more concerning than infuriating to his eyes. It was like she had given up the courage to say anything and stand on her ground because she knew her words would have no outcome.

‘’Elain! Where were you? We’ve been waiting for you’’ Feyre’s voice interrupts his thoughts, and the High Lady of the Night Court makes her appearance. Elain opens her mouth to speak but Feyre turns her attention to him. ‘’Ah, Lucien you came?’’ she asks glancing at Elain. This situation is starting to piss him off and the ceremony hasn’t even started yet. Elain is a grown woman, and everyone treats her like a child. And what bothers Lucien the most is the fact that a person who is supposed to be his friend, Feyre, thinks so ill of him to think he would do anything to harm his mate but at the same time, she is pushing Elain to come to him. Feyre’s logic sometimes was confusing to him.

‘’Yeah, I’ve been here for a while.’’

‘’Great! I missed you so much! Why didn’t you come to find me?’’ she says while stepping into his arms for an awkward hug. They weren’t like this before. They used to be close friends but since Feyre’s arrival at the Night Court, things between them changed. She had found new friends Lucien was uncomfortable around, to say the least. His relationship with Cassian had improved in those two years he is around, someone would say, but everyone treats him still like shit. Not that he minded. The feelings were mutual, but he wasn’t uncivilized, and he would be as polite as he had to be with them but he would set boundaries. His friendship with Tamlin and his life’s decisions are his problem alone and no one else’s. He never mingled into anyone’s business and he wouldn’t allow anyone to have a say in his.

‘’I was helping Elain with the gifts while waiting for your mate to make his appearance.’’ He explained and noticed Azriel gritting his teeth. Elain hadn’t uttered a single word. What was she thinking he could not tell. She probably had closed her end of the bond for the day. He closed it as well in the deep of the night. When he had time to think not only of her but of horrors that crept in his dreams. Maybe she was indeed uncomfortable with him around. Maybe it would be better for him to leave after all if that would please her.
Feyre took Nyx from Azriel and seemed to think for a moment after eyeing both males.

‘’Since Nyx is asleep and you are here out of Rhysand’s kind invitation the best solution to the problem you seem to have would be…’’ Cunning invitation, not kind, but anyway. Feyre had started to use the pick-up lines of a hostess now that she had a family and a house of her own.

Her troubled expression and hesitance made him anxious about what she would have them do. Her ideas seemed to always suggest trouble of some kind.

‘’Would be what Feyre? I don’t have all day!’’

‘’Watch your mouth when you speak to my High Lady!’’ Is he going to keep saying this kind of crap? I thought he was the silent one!

‘’It’s fine Az.'' she reassured him with a smile and then she glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. ''It would be, Lucien, for you to fly with Az to meet Rhysand and for me to go put my poor baby in his crib’’ Feyre said smirking, knowing well how uneasy Lucien felt last time he had to fly with the shadowsinger.

‘’What? Cassian needs us to help him. It’s a moment between the three of us.’’ Azriel practically growls. Lucien resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the male, but he would not let that slide. Not when he had given him the base for a great response.

‘’Relax shadowsinger. I’m not here to charm your friend, even though I could. I indeed have a reputation to uphold, and Cassian is neither my type nor the object of desire that could help me preserve the title of the charmer’’ Elain’s eyes widened just for a mere second as if she found it shocking or even amusing but then remembered that he was the one who said it and just made herself take control of her features to restore them into their original state.

Feyre just rolled her eyes at him, and he couldn’t care enough to see what Azriel was doing. Then she grabbed Elain by the arm and moved to the door smiling while his mate followed her without glancing back at them.

‘’Have fun and don’t drink too much!’’

He could certainly consider getting drunk after seeing his mate leaving him behind once more. He could only hope they could spend a little more time together, not necessarily alone, just to feel her around him for a little longer. His heart was in pain, and it felt like he was having a constant heart attack. But he would suffer through it for her happiness. He would do everything she asked praying to all the gods to show him some mercy to help her see him at the end.

‘’Come on, let’s get it over with!’’ Azriel growled and he glared at him while he was heading outside. He couldn’t stand the thought that this male knew the sufferings of his own brothers with their mates and he decided it was a nice plan to claim his. Elain knew nothing of fae customs but he was more than aware of what a mating bond meant. The holiness and respect of it. The lust in his gaze when he laid his eyes on Elain was what disgusted Lucien the most. The sickening idea that the idiot wanted to break their bond for a night with her only to break her heart the next morning.

He exhaled and followed the male into the garden. It was beautifully made for the ceremony and he found himself feeling envious. He was sure Elain had helped with the flowers since the flower arrangements were inspired by Nesta’s icy and cold personality and Cassian’s strong and warm one. It was like she could see them through the flowers and made sure that everyone else could see them too. After Jesminda’s death, he never thought of marriage as an option. He always thought this option had died with her but now he held on to Elain’s choice. He had found hope once more. Hope for a life he considered a faint dream. But it was all so new and fragile that he was afraid it would collapse or that Elain is in fact a figment of his imagination playing with his shattered emotions and deepest secrets. He hated she was distant and quiet around him.

He eyed the shadowsinger and he saw the longing in his eyes as well. Lucien wasn’t cruel enough to get mad at him at this one. They wanted the same thing in a way. They wanted someone. That doesn’t mean he would allow Elain to be that someone for Azriel. Especially when the spymaster wasn’t looking at her with affection but with a shallow feeling that could easily dissolve.

‘’What are you looking at?’’ Shadowsinger growled without looking at him.

‘’Your despair’’ along with mine.

‘’Shut up’’ He murmured but Lucien knew he was right. He was pitying him almost as much as he did himself.

‘’Climb on like you did the last time. And watch out for my wings. They are sensitive.’’ If they are so fragile as your ego, I might have a problem.

Lucien had to ignore the tag of humiliation in the memory of his last flight and climbed onto the shadowsinger’s back. The fucking bastard took off without warning and Lucien thanked the cauldron he hadn’t eaten too much in the morning. The flight was short but Azriel maneuvered a lot on purpose. Lucien hated being carried like a helpless puppy. And he hated the Night Court even more for not having a proper way in and out of an official building as the House of Wind. He couldn’t remember if there was another entrance or exit to the building but there had to be. Not everyone with access to the building had wings and the House seemed ancient enough to not have any kind of other entrance. Every castle has its secrets and the Night Court residences were no exceptions.

By the time they landed, Lucien was about to throw up. He immediately stepped away from the shadowsinger trying to compose himself. He wouldn’t allow himself to get sick in that hell.

‘’Azriel you finally came! I think Cassian has a panic attack.’’ Rhysand’s head appeared from the balcony door. ‘’Where is Nyx? Lucien, you were supposed to wait for me at the river house.’’ Yeah, I’ve been doing that for over a fucking hour! Lucien wanted to scream at them and just leave. He had to stay not only for a chance to see Elain again but also because he was curious enough to listen to what the High Lord of the Night Court needed him for on a day as important as this one. Lucien just pressed his lips together letting Rhysand find out what happened from his faithful sidekick.

As he was inspecting the view he heard Cassian’s loud steps coming quickly and he could practically hear the panic that Rhysand talked about without turning to face him. His rapid breaths and the pacing back and forth. He could understand the poor male. If he had to face Nesta for a life he would probably have the same reaction.

‘’How is she feeling? Do you know? Did you see her? Is she ok? She still wants to marry me, right?’’ Cassian was anxious for a very different reason it would seem.

The shadowsinger of course didn’t know. He was busy making him nauseous. But then the super panicked male appeared in front of him, grabbing him by the arms and moving him around as if he wasn’t dizzy enough.

‘’Do you know? Did you see her? Please Fox boy I will owe you! What do you want? Anything but my body, I’m about to get married in a while! If Nesta wants to marry me still of course! Did she tell anything to you? SPILL EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!’’ he roared in his face.

‘’Cassian let him go!’’ Rhysand tore Cassian’s grip off him and let Azriel deal with him. Lucien fixed his jacket and ponytail and glared at Rhysand. The idiot was smirking.

‘’Go to the office. I’ll come in a minute. I have something to tell you’’

‘’So I’ve heard,’’ Lucien murmured stepping into the house. Everything was a mess. For Cassian’s sake, Lucien hoped the House took care of this chaos. Cassian wouldn’t hear the end of it if Nesta was standing here right now. He roamed through the corridors until he spotted the office’s open door.

The office was spacious and tastefully decorated as he remembered from the last time he was standing there almost a year ago. Rhysand appeared and poured himself a glass of deep red wine from the little bar in the corner. He sat in the plush office chair offering Lucien a seat as well. Lucien eyed the wine in the glass not liking that Rhysand got too cozy.

‘’Would you like a cup as well? It’s one of the finest. Over a thousand years old.’’ Of course, it would be. Rhysand narrowed his eyes at him surprised he couldn’t hear his thoughts. Lucien had come prepared after studying about daemati and their abilities. Since he found out about mental shields and how to control them, he had practiced every day. His mind was precious to him, and he would do anything to protect his thoughts from invaders.

‘’I would prefer to get to the point’’ A mischievous grin made its appearance on the High Lord’s face and Lucien shield himself even more.

‘’Tell me Lucien if you are so smart as they say, why do you always seem to forget what binds you here? And who has power over that something?’’ THREAT. That was a threat about Elain. He was showing him the power he had over him. The power of holding on to a girl to command Lucien around.

Lucien flexed his jawline and shield himself further. He would stay calm like he always did. He had faced many idiots in his life. If he had survived Beron, he could deal with anyone.

‘’Oh, little Lucien don’t get me wrong. I’m on your side. I want you to have your mate. I can help you have your way with her.’’ Have my way with her? Was everyone viewing him like a horny animal that will throw himself at Elain at any moment?

‘’Elain is not a thing. She will come to me when or if she wants.’’

‘’And you will wait for so long? You will watch her fuck someone else while you remain alone doing nothing but crying yourself to sleep?’’ At least he was revealing his knowledge of the interest the spymaster had for his mate. Probably by accident but he was giving clues away. Also, the poor attempt at insulting wouldn’t make Lucien lose his temper. Everything was a game and even if he didn’t like it, Elain was a pawn. Even so, he intended to play and win the game for her to be free. For him as well.

‘’That’s what you did when Feyre was fucking around with Tamlin? Crying yourself to sleep? Pathetic.’’

‘’Shut the fuck up!’’ Rhysand stood up from his chair knocking it down and grabbing Lucien by the collar in the process. ‘’I showed you pity because of my mate, and you have the nerve to speak about her like this’’

‘’I’ve only spoken the truth and I guess the truth hurts’’ Lucien knew the hate Rhysand felt towards Tamlin and he planned to use it.

‘’You still haven’t learned when you should stop talking, have you? Even after losing your fucking eye.’’ More threats.

‘’And you would certainly know of punishments, would you not? The ruler of the court of fucking nightmares. Yet two can play the game Rhysand. I can be a nightmare if I please and I am certain you will do nothing in the end. Because at the end of the day all you have is empty threats and nothing more. There is a difference between us great Rhysand.’’ The High Lord of the Night Court narrowed his eyes and nodded his head urging him to continue. ‘’You need me but I don’t necessarily need you. You need little Lucien. I, on the other hand,’’ Lucien grabbed his hands and pulled them away from his jacket’s collar ‘’must only tolerate you. For my mate’s shake. The mate you threaten me with every time you see me. So do not speak to me about insults or your pitiful hand of help and tell me why the fuck am I here.’’ Rhysand snarled at him and turned around to grab his glass and glance at some paperwork that laid on the desk.

‘’You will stay here in Velaris for the summer.’’ What? Why would he have to? Spring was calling for help, he couldn’t stay here to stare at the walls of his almost empty apartment doing nothing for three months.

‘’I was supposed to go to Spring for the summer’’

‘’You will not’’ Yeah I figured that out the first time you said it. Let’s make it clearer then.

‘’May I know why?’’

‘’I need you here’’ The High Lord sat again and took a sip of his wine. He was watching the red liquid in the light admiring its vibrant color. Lucien was begging all the gods for patience.

‘’For what? As an emissary, my job is to…’’

‘’I know what an emissary does’’ Lucien doubted it since he’d changed so many over a short period of time. And he assigns emissary business to people that have never served in a court. But that was not Lucien’s business. The only thing he cared about now was the people in Spring who needed help desperately and no one else but him knew the court and its ruler enough to give them peace and prosperity.

‘’You will leave Spring alone? After everything your mate did there?’’ Feyre acted out of anger without considering the damage she caused. She didn’t harm Tamlin alone, but her actions resulted in hundreds of Spring citizens being homeless. He felt guilty for leaving. He was always loyal to his friend. Tamlin needs him just like he did when he first arrived at Spring. It wasn’t Lucien’s best period and Tamlin was there for him. They always had each other’s backs, and he wouldn’t let him destroy himself. Something dark happened to him Under the Mountain and Lucien was determined to find out what that was. He just had to find a way to be able to be around his mate long enough to make sure she is safe and cared for but also long enough around his old friend in order to help him find himself again. They had both hurt each other with words and actions but they could certainly fix everything between them. Or that’s what he hoped. Tamlin wasn’t an easy person to deal with.

‘’Feyre did nothing. That beast destroyed himself and his court went down with him.’’

‘’I was there when everything happened. Don’t try to make Tamlin the only one responsible for Spring’s downfall. You three are all to blame. Feyre did it and you not only let her do it but you encouraged it as well. And what Tamlin did you already seem to know’’

‘’You will not go to Spring Lucien because Azriel will.’’ Rhysand suddenly revealed staring blankly at him.

‘’What?’’ the spymaster couldn’t handle him being in the same room with Elain. There was no chance he had the patience or slyness to deal with hardcore Spring Court officials and especially Tamlin. He was still in his beast form unwilling to hear anything from anyone.

‘’You heard me. Azriel will go.’’

‘’Since when your spymaster and torturer has the skills of a courtier?’’ Not that Rhysand visited his official court much. The court of nightmares was being ruled by lord Keir if his memory didn’t betray him. Hateful male but at least he was there. Around the official courtiers of night. Rhysand had clearly lost any sense of the word court since he only seem to care for Velaris. The city was a paradise for someone who enjoyed arts and a little bit of light, but it bothered Lucien that it was the only place in the Night Court he was happy to be in. Everything else was filled with darkness and evilness. ‘’Do you think he can handle Tamlin? And apart from that, being a courtier required strict etiquette rules as well as body language and manners of speech. Do you seriously think your tenderfoot in courtship SPY-master can handle a court?’’

‘’I’m sure he can do better than you and your brother!’’ His brother Eris wasn’t in Spring to help at the ruling, he was there to prevent an Autumn Court invasion. He hated his brother for what he did to him but Eris was skilled and cunning. Any Court would thrive under his command. He had taught Lucien the job when he was still a youngling. Eris was a lot of things but a fool he was not.

‘’This is the stupidest command I’ve ever heard. I guess I need to explain to you what emissaries and courtiers offer. Your shadowsinger doesn't have the knowledge or experience. He will mess it up. Especially at the Spring Court’s current state.’’

‘’You think that you handle Tamlin well? You were always his dog. You weren’t his equal! You will never be!’’

‘’I know. I don’t want to be his equal at the title. He is my friend and I understand his wrath even if he was in the wrong. If you are Amarantha’s victim like the rest of us you should know that something happened to him. All those years of responsibilities, death, and lack of hope. I was there. We were fighting every day only to wake up and fight some more. For a solution to the curse. We were searching. Monsters. We were slaughtering. Threats. We were raising defenses. Bodies. We were digging and burying. We. Not I. We were doing this together every day. All of us.’’

Utter silence. The truth indeed hurts. Everyone made their choices during those dark times. He wouldn’t judge Rhysand for what he did. Not when he knew the truth. But he wouldn’t listen to insults as well.

‘’And do not speak of equality and choice to me High Lord cause I’m certain the shadowsinger didn’t volunteer to go to Spring.’’

‘’What I do with my brothers is none of your business.’’ He huffed staring out of the window.

‘’Neither is mine yours. Anyway, I don’t agree with your stupid decision but I’ll accept it. Now tell me what I am supposed to do around here at the time.’’ Rhysand then turned to look at him smirking, leaning further in his chair.

‘’You’ll help Elain control her powers she has shown a great interest in and you will report EVERYTHING to me.’’

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

Feyre dragged Elain out of the room heading to Nyx’s nursery. She didn’t glance back at the males standing behind her as she exited the room. She didn’t want to see the looks on their faces. She hadn’t seen either of them for a long time, not that she had missed them. She certainly couldn’t miss Lucien whose steady heartbeat was always on her ears. She grew used to it. It calmed her to hear someone in the distance. Someone with a heartbeat, someone alive. It was a comforting sound after the death she faced every time she closed her eyes. Azriel on the other hand had abandoned the quiet friendship they had made after what happened between them at solstice. It was better that way. She didn’t want to be around the male who called her a mistake. She felt betrayed by him. She thought he liked her company, but she wasn’t good enough for him as it seemed.

When they reached the staircase, she freed her hand out of Feyre’s grasp. Feyre eyed her with curious eyes. Her sister always liked to have control over situations, even people, but Elain wanted to deal with this on her own. Her relationship with Lucien, good or bad, it didn’t matter, should only concern her. She didn’t know how to deal with this, and she needed time to see things through. She didn’t know him and everyone around her seemed to hate him, but they pushed her to be with him. The mixed messages annoyed her. The whole situation seemed strange and animalistic in her eyes. A matchmaking cauldron taking decisions on her behalf? And her sisters made it seem the most natural thing in the world as if they didn’t strangle at all with their own bonds. She hated feeling like the villain when she knew she was right. Maybe avoiding him wasn’t the best choice she ever made but she didn’t know what to say when she was around him.

‘’How was it?’’ Feyre asked warily. Elain hated the reports she had to give each time she met Lucien. And she had a feeling that today’s meeting was not accidental. She was sure her sister and mate had something to do with this. The thing that annoyed her the most though was that they had selected today for their schemes because they knew Elain wouldn’t do anything but oblige. They knew she wouldn’t do anything to ruin Nesta’s big day.

‘’How was what?’’ She didn’t want to have this conversation today. Today was the day she was supposed to feel normal. Today was supposed to be a day full of joy.

‘’Your meeting with Lucien, Elain.’’ Feyre was glaring at her and Elain was starting to grow irritated. Feyre knew she was feeling awkward around him, but she didn’t care, and not only that, but she dared despise her for her confusion. Elain could understand Feyre’s need to see her ideal family complete. But how can people become a family when there is no choice? Where was the choice in a mating bond?

‘’What happened to your cheek?’’ Elain touched her cheek and remembered how close Lucien was to her moments ago. How concerned he was. He didn’t know her but just because a magic cauldron instructed it, he seemed to care. It freaked her out. She couldn’t understand it. Then she remembered how their fingers brushed against each other. Their heartbeats and breaths increasing speed, the heat around them, their eyes on each other. But it was all a lie. A magic illusion and nothing more.

‘’It’s fine. The gifts fell on me, and the paper scratched me.’’ She explained and Feyre exhaled slowly. Did she think Lucien had something to do with this? Did she think Lucien would hurt her? He would never do that. Elain was certain of it.

‘’Oh ok.’’ Feyre touched her cheek and with her healing abilities, Elain could feel the little wound disappear. Elain waited for her to continue. She had a feeling the interrogation wasn’t over. ‘’Well? How was it?’’ Her sister’s curiosity was indeed one of a kind.

‘’It was fine. He helped me with the gifts and Nyx, and he was kind to me.’’ Seeing Feyre’s accusing eyes, she added ‘’And I was kind to him as well.’’ Elain was always kind to everyone. Kindness was free and quite rare these days. She liked to be nice to people, to watch how their faces light up as they smile. Elain was awkward around Lucien, but she would never be impolite to him.

‘’That’s it? That’s all you have to say? You haven’t seen him for so long and that’s all you have to say?’’ Feyre whispered loudly while stroking Nyx’s little back careful of his sensitive little wings.

‘’I’m only saying what happened. I cannot understand your outburst.’’

‘’You really don’t understand Elain? You keep pushing him away! You should speak with him. You owe it to him.’’ Feyre hated her for how she treated Lucien, but she didn’t owe him any kind of explanation. They knew nothing about each other except their names. Lucien was never there and when he did come, they had a polite greeting or farewell. Elain could feel he wasn’t ready to face this yet. He was just as uncomfortable as she is. The male her sister had described in her stories, the funny and witty Lucien, was nowhere to be seen around her.

‘’I owe nothing to no one. My affairs have nothing to do with you Feyre!’’

‘’He is your mate. He is a good male who cares for you.’’ Elain hated this matchmaking. If she wanted, she could find a man. The truth was that she didn’t. Not after solstice anyway. Her only concern these days was to find what she wanted to do with her life and make Velaris her home.

‘’Could you please stop this conversation? This is Nesta’s wedding day, and I haven’t seen her yet.’’ Nesta was there for her, staying by her side day and night, during her grieving and she wanted to help her as much as she could. She wanted to help her prepare, hold her hand and hug her before walking down the aisle.

‘’She is with her friends. She will not miss you if you stay here for a little longer!’’ This last phrase hurt a little. Elain was afraid there will be a day she would not be missed. One day she would be left alone. That’s one of the reasons why she didn’t want to approach Lucien. He deserved better than her being by his side because he was the only one there, the only one who had some kind of interest in her. To be together so she doesn’t feel alone. They both deserved better. They both deserved to find love.

‘’It’s her day and I want to see her.’’

‘’You must address this at some point. You can’t hide from your bond forever!’’

‘’I will when I please. Now if you excuse me…’’ She turned to the staircase, but Feyre grabbed her arm tightly and made her face her. Elain tried to move her arm but then Feyre tightened her grasp and widened her eyes when Elain managed to escape. Elain stared at her sister waiting for hateful words.

‘’Why are you like this? Think of how happy you would be. This is all you ever wanted. To have a husband and kids. You could have that, Elain. Imagine it. We would all be here in Velaris. We would be happy building our families and going out with friends. We would be the three of us.’’ Her dreams were different since she was a little kid. She craved to explore and see the world. Find love and be free. She altered her dream, at first, to match their financial state, and when they had fortune again to match society’s expectations. High society commanded young girls to marry, and her mother would love to see her marry a rich lord like Greysen. When she met him, she thought maybe she succeed in finding love at least. As a human, she was content sacrificing her dream to build a family but now she had the time to do both.

‘’Stop being so difficult and let Lucien approach you!’’

‘’This conversation ends here. I’m going to find Nesta.’’

‘’You can wait for me to change and then we can go together.’’

‘’No, I will not.’’

‘’Alright as you wish, but be aware that you will not run away from this for long Elain!’’ those words were not just a mere warning on her sister’s behalf. They were a promise. She would have to face Lucien soon enough and the thought was more than dreadful.

Elain gave her a last warning glare, Feyre shook her head and harried on the stairs. She stayed there for a moment and when she heard Nyx’s bedroom door closing, she went back into the room of presents. The room was mercifully empty and full at the same time. Different scents lingered in the air and yet she could only smell one. This musky and heavy scent. She could almost taste it. She inhaled it deeply hating she couldn’t restrain herself. She suddenly recalled the quiet autumn mornings back in the cottage when she helped Feyre pack her things for hunting and then she would go outside to work on her small garden for mere moments before going to tend their father. She breathed in for a little longer and eyed out of the window. The staff was going back and forth looking out for the smallest of details. Before taking her gaze from the window she spotted Lucien ball his hands into fists and huffing angrily before climbing on Azriel’s back. Before he could even steady himself Azriel took off abruptly and she felt anger boiling through her for the winged male. She turned away from the window rubbing her temples. What was happening to her? She glanced up at the piles of presents and instantly spotted the box she was searching for. Hearing the laughter from upstairs she stormed off the room to Nesta’s bedroom.

The chamber was full of cheering females working around the bride. Nesta was in the middle smiling in her bridal robes while Mor was doing her make-up. Mor was wearing a stunning deep red dress and Nesta’s friends were similarly dressed in beautiful but quite modest, in comparison with Mor, dresses in different shades of blue. Nesta had decided not to put on a white dress but a beige one with blue details. The gown was laying on the bed and its design was breathtaking, the small white diamonds all over it along with the sapphires were shining in the morning light and its whole material was undoubtedly super expensive. Rhysand paid for it, for all the wedding preparations, as a gift to Nesta for saving his family. Looking at the massive dress she remembered her wedding gown. She didn’t know what had happened to it. She only knew that she never got a chance to wear it. She had cried a lot about her lost chance at becoming a wife. She promised she wouldn’t let anything destroy her sister’s big day and her day as well. Elain got a chance to be happy today after Nyx’s birth and nothing would ruin it.

‘’Nesta’’ She called trying to get to her, but everyone got in her way. Nesta was currently fighting with Mor from what she could hear. Mor wanted to put a fiery red lipstick on her to match with the red roses of the decorations, but Elain knew really well that the roses outside were just insignificant details to honor Cassian and not the main color. If they added more red, the contrast between the two colors would be too extreme. And Nesta’s dress had enough blue on it. The perfect shade would be a shade of pink a little bit darker than Nesta’s natural lip color.

‘’Nesta!’’ She tried to call again but no one listened to her. Was she invisible? The other two females, the redhead, and the brunette were laughing at Mor’s frustration when her sister pushed her and snatched a pink lipstick. Elain patted their shoulders twice to get their attention.

‘’Hello!’’ the redhead smiled at her and the other was dragged away by Mor. Gwyn, it was the redhead’s name. They had met each other before. After the Rite. She seemed nice and polite and a little bit shy, but Elain could see she was strong not only in muscle but in her soul. She liked that about her.

‘’Hi,’’ Elain smiled back at her and Gwyn patted Nesta’s shoulder with a smile on her face.

‘’Nesta your sister came’’ Nesta then stood up and Elain walked over to her to hug her. Her older sister had always been a beauty but today her eyes shined like stars, the blue in them like the still see waters early in the morning. Her make-up was natural, and her hair was braided up and bound on the back of her head.

‘’Oh, Elain you finally came. Where were you all this time?’’

‘’Hello to everyone at first!’’ Mor and the Illyrian female called Emerie nodded smiling at her greeting and continue with their conversation. ‘’It doesn’t matter where I was, the only thing it matters is that I am here now. You look incredible Nesta!’’

‘’Of course, she is! I’ve been making her hair and make-up for the past two hours! They still need work though. Only if she could stay still for a moment… They would be perfect by now’’ Mor stepped in and touched Nesta’s hair. Nesta just shoved her hand out of her way glaring at the blond.

‘’Thank you, Elain. Have you met the girls?’’ She pointed at the Valkyries behind her.

‘’Yes, we’ve met her before. After the rite.’’ Emerie responded while staring at the wedding gown.

‘’Is there anything I can do to help you?’’ Elain offered. She wanted to be useful, but Mor shook her head while putting some more blush on Nesta’s cheeks.

‘’Not really. I’ll put the finishing touches on her look and then she will be ready for the gown.’’ Looking around Elain realized Amren wasn’t there yet.

‘’Where is Amren?’’

‘’Probably fucking Varian.’’ Mor snickered and the others burst out laughing. Elain’s eyes widened and she just nodded while her face turned crimson.

‘’Where did Feyre go?’’ Nesta asked looking around the room. ‘’How much time does she need to put on her dress?’’

‘’Here. I am here. I was with Nyx.’’ Feyre came in, wearing a stunning black dress full of diamonds. It had only one sleeve and a great slit on the right side of it making Feyre’s leg visible as she walked. Her hair was up in a neat ponytail. On her head, she was wearing a silver crown set with white diamonds matching the ones on her ears and dress. The Valkyries looked at her sister with widened eyes and Mor whistled.

‘’You are on fire mama!’’ the two friends hugged each other looking at their outfits.

‘’I’m not the one who is wearing red Mor’’

‘’It is what it is!’’

‘’Nesta you look magnificent! Mor well done!’’ Nesta rolled her eyes at them.

‘’That’s what we were telling her! Cassian will lose his mind!’’ Gwyn said. I don’t think he has one but if you say so. She liked her brother-in-law, but she had caught his assessing gaze more than once. What were his thoughts of her, she wouldn’t like to know. ‘‘I can’t wait for her to put the dress on’’

‘’And not just with the dress! What’s underneath is what he’ll excite him more’’ Nesta blushed and looked away. Mor and Feyre raised an eyebrow and shared a knowing gaze. Elain decided she didn’t need more private information about her sister’s love life. What she knew already, was enough.

‘’Emerie!’’ Gwyn elbowed her, looking down, blushing.

‘’What? It is the truth.’’ Emerie giggled.

The time passed quickly with the females laughing and sharing stories. Elain was watching silent smiling and nodding when she had to. Every time she did speak she felt like the joy stopped and polite nods were the only responses she would get. Everyone would look over at her like she had said something out of place and continue with their work. Was she boring? Maybe she shouldn’t speak at all after all.

‘’Hey, Amren you came?’’ Mor asked a smirking Amren. She wore a silver dress and it was maybe the first time Elain had seen Amren wearing one. Her gown was dark silver from the bottom to the top like the steal of a freshly polished blade. She had her usual ruby necklace along with matching long earrings.

‘’You see me, don’t you?’’ She rolled her silver eyes and Mor narrowed hers.

‘’With difficulty but I guess I can. Can you please be a little less bitchy today?’’ Amren seemed annoyed by the height joke although she just glared at Mor, her eyes promising revenge.

‘’No. You look good girl, but you need more stones.’’ Her attention was on the jewels on the boudoir, reaching for the sapphire earrings. Before Nesta could reply Mor slapped Amren’s hand away.

‘’She has more than enough’’

‘’No, she hasn’t’’

‘’Yes, she has’’

‘’No…’’

Feyre stepped in then, while Nesta and her friends were talking about their… books and Nesta’s wedding night. Everyone was cheerful and Elain stood in the corner watching over them. She hadn’t seen Nesta laugh like this in a very long time. It was nice to watch her find her peace. She eyed the box in her hands and thought of her reaction. Maybe she shouldn’t give it to her before the ceremony, yet if she didn’t, its meaning would not be the same.

A breeze tingled her ears but every window in the room was closed. She looked around but no one seemed to notice something was off. Maybe it was only her imagination. She had grown to be extremely careful of every little weird thing she noticed after the cauldron lured her into the Hybern camp. The room darkened a bit and Elain shook her head, closing her eyes and placing her hands on the sides of her head. Someone breathed in her ear, she was certain of it. After a minute she felt a little bit of sunlight on her face and slowly opened her eyes. Everyone was still laughing, nothing had happened. She raised her hand to touch the strip of light and feel it on her fingers. She smiled at its warmth and then frowned as a cloud took it away from her.

Hours passed quickly and the time for the ceremony had finally come. The bride stepped into her dress with some help. Mor was screaming for caution so the hair would remain intact. The gown had been tailored to fit only Nesta’s measurements, no one else could fit except her. It had no straps giving a great view over Nesta’s cleavage and collar bones. It had a corset on the inside and made Nesta’s waist slimmer than usual. The skirts were massive falling to the ground with grace. She decided against a veil so her back could be visible. The shoes were also blue and matched perfectly. When she stood up, she looked like a queen from a faraway kingdom. A queen without a crown.

‘’Ladies now that our bride is ready and before going out or starting celebrating, I would like to have a moment with my sisters, please’’ Feyre asked politely, escorting the ladies to the bedroom’s exit.

‘’Ok, I’m out of here. I don’t want to see your crying ass faces.’’ Amren left in an instant and Mor followed her but stopped at the exit and pointed a finger at the three sisters.

‘’No, you’ll not cry, you’ll ruin my makeup. Don’t make her cry.’’

‘’We will be outside’’ Gwyn and Emerie left and Feyre closed the door. Then she flashed a smile turning with excitement to face Nesta.

‘’The day finally came. How do you feel?’’

‘’Happy, excited, thrilled. A little bit anxious but I can’t wait to see him. I missed him.’’ she exhaled and then giggled blushing. The sisters burst out laughing. The thought of Nesta blushing was something that had never passed through Elain’s mind. After silence fell Elain brought up the gift in her hand.

‘’Before you say anything Feyre, I wanted to give something to you Nesta.’’ She gathered her courage and touched Nesta’s hand, glancing at Feyre at the same time.

‘’Oh, what is it?’’

‘’My wedding gift.’’

‘’It wasn’t necessary Elain. You’ve worked for weeks on my behalf. It was more than enough for me.’’ Nesta’s hand covered her own.

‘’It was necessary. I snatched it from the pile of gifts earlier because I wanted to give it to you directly. Would you open it?’’ she handed her the box waiting patiently for Nesta to unwrap it. Both her sisters gasped when Nesta finally revealed its content. Nesta covered her mouth and Feyre’s widened eyes landed on her.

‘’Elain where did you find that?’’ Nesta’s watery eyes stared at her filled with question and wonder.

‘’Elain did you steal a bank? How could you afford this?’’ Feyre asked shocked.

‘’It is mine Feyre, don’t worry. You forgot that before coming here father had enough riches to buy me this. I bought it after I saw it on sale back in the human lands. I thought it was a good sign when I first laid my eyes on it, and I wanted to have it for my w… for something. It doesn’t matter anymore. I want you to take it. I feel it belongs to you.’’ Nesta tried to contain her tears as much as she could.

‘’Stop, don’t cry. Why are you crying, Nesta?’’ Feyre handed her a handkerchief and Nesta wiped her tears with caution managing not to spoil anything.

‘’I’m not! It’s just… It’s almost identical to the diadem our mother wore at her wedding to our father. He had gifted a diadem like this to her. It’s not the same one. It can’t be, because the one our mother wore had been taken away. But… but they are way too similar.’’ The little crown in the box was made of silver. The design was elaborate and complex. It looked like a bird with open wings, decorated with pure white diamonds and a huge sapphire in the middle.

‘’They can’t be here, but I thought you would like to have a part of them with you at the beginning of your new life. So, I wanted to give you a memory of them on your way down the aisle. Something declarative of their presence by your side. Even in their absence.’’ Elain took the diadem from the box and placed it on top of Nesta’s head. ‘’Now you are indeed a queen.’’

‘’It looks like it was made for the dress, Elain.’’ Feyre’s eyes widened as all of them looked at Nesta in the mirror. Nesta smiled and gazed at Elain as she placed a hand on her shoulder.

‘’This is so thoughtful Elain, thank you. I love it.’’ Nesta hugged her tight and after a minute she felt Feyre’s arms wrapping around them as well.

‘’Mother and father would love to see you happy.’’ She murmured into Nesta’s neck, smelling her heavenly scent. She relaxed in this hug, and she felt her eyes water as well. She had missed her sister. They used to spend all day together and now she was never around. She hugged her tighter.

‘’Father would be proud of us. I am so pleased to see the three of us here together. We finally found our home.’’ Feyre said, her voice cracking and Elain felt herself stiffen at those words.

‘’Yes, we did.’’ She heard Nesta agree. Elain couldn’t find those words in her heart. She just nodded, only because her sisters were the closest thing she had to a home. They would always be a part of her. They heard a knock on the door and dropped their hands.

‘’Nesta, I am so sorry for interrupting, but the groom and the others just came. I thought you would like to know.’’ Gwyn’s head appeared at the door smiling awkwardly.

‘’Yes, it is time. Feyre, I want to ask you something.’’ Nesta nodded and looked down at Feyre.

‘’Go on’’ Nesta took Feyre’s hands in her own and took a deep shuddering breath.

‘’I know we weren’t always close even though we cared and loved each other. You are close with Cassian as well, so could you walk down the aisle with me?’’

‘’Yes, yes, yes, cauldron, yes, I will. Let’s go.’’ Feyre took Nesta’s hand full of excitement and they left. Elain was left alone in the room with Gwyn. She had her teal eyes on the ground. Elain then approached her and held the door open so she could pass and offered to find the others together.

‘’Gwyn it is?’’

‘’Uhm yes. And you are Elain.’’

‘’Yes, I’m Elain. Your dress is really pretty. Its color matches your eyes.’’ Her dress was a teal long silk dress with a revealing back. Her hair was unbound falling behind her like a waterfall. Her hair wasn’t as deep red as Lucien’s but they were majestic nonetheless. They had a deep orange color while Lucien was like molten fire.

‘’You think?’’ she gazed down at herself and they stopped in the middle of the corridor. She didn’t have enough confidence and Elain used to be a social butterfly back in the human lands. Maybe she could boost her confidence or even teach her some tricks she knew to make herself more confident around others.

‘’Absolutely! And I think I have the perfect necklace for it. Would you like me to bring it to you?’’ She could use a little more shine Elain decided. The earrings she wore were too small to be noticeable through her rich hair and the dress hadn’t enough stones.

‘’No. No need to put yourself in trouble.’’

‘’No trouble at all. I’ll be happy to see you wear it.’’

‘’Actually, I have a necklace with me. I have it in my purse. Emerie has it.’’

‘’Oh? Then you should put it on.’’

‘’But I don’t know if it matches my dress? It’s too shiny and I don’t like too much attention.’’ Too shiny sounded just fine to Elain’s ears.

‘’Nonsense. The shinier the merrier. What color is the stone?’’

‘’Elain!’’ Feyre called her from the living room.

‘’One moment, I’m coming!’’ Elain replied and nodded at Gwyn to continue.

‘’Its chain is gold and it’s mostly transparent but there are hues of pink in the diamond when you put it under the light.’’ It sounded heavenly. It would match her outfit like a glove.

‘’It sounds perfect.’’ She grinned at her and Gwyn smiled.

‘’Elain come here at last!’’ Nesta stepped into the corridor they were standing with her hands on her hips.

‘’They will not stop… Anyway, you should definitely wear it. I’ll search for you later to see it.’’