Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

i. 

“That’s when I chose to be honest. In retrospect, I probably could not have picked a worse time.” – Charlie, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

It was their first night alone for a while. The 3Cs weren’t present: no cameras, no Channing, no counselors—well, except for EJ. Ricky almost didn’t come. Spending the time alone in his cabin with his guitar and a Netflix show to binge—he was currently on Heartstopper—sounded like the perfect night. But Carlos, who he’d gotten considerably closer to since the beginning of last semester, and Jet, who he’d wordlessly taken under his wing, pushed.

“This is technically my first high school party,” Jet had pleaded. “It’s not mine,” Carlos shrugged. “I just want you to come. And won’t take no for an answer.”

So, sighing, yet secretly appreciative for the push, Ricky came. They were all gathered in the forest, the old gang with the exception of Seb, Nini, and Big Red. New to the group were Jet and Maddox. And…sitting next to him now on a log to his right, Lily. Who very obviously had a crush on him. One that he didn’t exactly refuse, but didn’t reciprocate either. They’d never actually gone on a date, but word had spread that he called her on opening night, and that they’d been texting for a while before camp. A sick part of him wanted to know what Gina had thought when she inevitably heard. Was she jealous?

He didn’t have a right to think that though, he knew. He was on thin ice with Gina Porter, and he was doing everything in his power not to pierce the ground she walked on with any wrong move. In fact, right now he was sitting beside her, the junior on his left, her long braids hanging over her shoulder as she talked to her boyfriend. He closed his eyes so he could roll them in peace at the idea. EJ was nodding at everything she was saying, like someone who couldn’t actually understand the words. Gina’s yellow dress was draped above her knees, and her legs swung as she talked. Like…she was interested in him or something.

So, to get through this, sitting next to her without losing his mind, Ricky zoned out.

He focused first on the fire in the center of them all, hovering over a pile of rocks and kindling. The ashy scent mixed with the smell of the trees bordering the campgrounds, tall and green and shadowy in the night. The sky was so dark, the stars looked like little pinpricks of white paint. It grounded him for a moment, then drew him into a memory.

Homecoming night, right after Gina had pecked a kiss on his cheek in Red’s car, then walked up to her front porch after bidding him goodnight. He was filled with something light and heavy at the same time, the warmth from her lips still on his face. He knew he couldn’t drive all the way home without calming himself down first. But he couldn’t just freak out in her driveway. So, he drove about a block down. He parked, got out of the car, and leaned against its door, his head spinning. He looked up at the sky. The motionless sea of blue-black and white. You love Nini, he thought to himself, nodding. The stars twinkled. But Gina…His heart quickened in his chest. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have thought he was having a panic attack. But no, this feeling was good. Warm. You’re the reason I stayed with the show. He suddenly felt like he was falling, but like he knew where he could land. Gina. Falling, falling, falling…

In his memory, Ricky stretched himself back into Red’s car, and drove home. Whatever music playing on the radio floated in one ear and flew out the other. But in real life, the senior was staring into space, the flush in his cheeks camouflaged by the very night he was daydreaming about.

And this was how Ricky Bowen ended up in the middle of a game of Truth or Dare, on his turn, without even realizing.

“I dare you,” Carlos started slowly, snapping his fingers in front of him from across the logs. “Good, you’re awake.” Then he paused, pursing his lips with a level of dramatic effect only he could deliver. “I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in the room…well, the forest.”

Ricky barely noticed Lily shifting beside him. His whole body was frozen in place.

“On the lips!” Carlos added, ever so subtle.

“Oh god,” Ashlyn giggled. “You just want it to be you, don’t you?”

Carlos rolled his eyes. “Hell no. I just respect that the prettiest person can be any of us.”

“Right,” EJ teased. “I already know what my answer would be.”

And maybe it’s because EJ said that, the older Caswell not brash enough to wrap his arms around Gina’s shoulders between them to claim his “territory,” but obvious enough to hint at it, that Ricky moved in the opposite direction he was supposed to when Carlos repeated his dare.

“Who’s the prettiest in the room, Ricky?”

Gina was already facing him when he turned to his left. Surprise registered on both of their faces, for the millisecond that they saw each other. The fire from the kindling reflected light in her eyes. He was supposed to turn to his right. And Gina wasn’t supposed to turn at all. Maybe she was just curious, about who he would choose. Or maybe she knew, deep down, that it was her, it was always her. That, in that moment, he’d choose to be painfully, ridiculously, honest with himself, for the first time in months. Maybe that’s why she didn’t pull away when he leaned in, before Carlos could even pronounce the second syllable in his name, to gently press her lips to his.

Still, it took her a moment to register it though. And he regretted it almost immediately, what he was doing—with her, in front of everyone, unplanned. There was a small “oof” of a sound she made when he did it. It was the rules of the game, sure. But she was Gina. He should’ve warned her. He should’ve given her a sign. He should’ve kissed Lily instead, or Carlos, or anyone else. But then he felt her hand on the side of his cheek, strangely soft and cold, despite the warmth from the fire. It all happened so fast he could have imagined it, but her thumb traced the skin down to his jaw, her nose rubbing against his. She was kissing him back.

And then he heard it. It could’ve been a coin drop. Carlos’ dry cough. The bottom of EJ’s sneakers against the slippery grass. Hell, it could’ve been the wind that didn’t exist. But he heard a sound come from the real world, the one where all their friends were watching. The one where he was kissing the last person in the world he should’ve been kissing, but the only person in the world he’d ever want to. He pulled away immediately. So swiftly, in fact, that Gina’s brow furrowed when he did, as if she was more surprised by him pulling away than by the initial kiss itself. She blinked in rapid-fire. Her eyes crinkled. “Ricky—” Her voice barely came out. Her knees were facing him.

His mouth ran dry. Everyone saw. The silence was making it worse. “Shit, I’m sorry.” His apology sounded stupid before it even left his mouth. It wasn’t a friendly kiss, and he knew it, they all knew it. It wouldn’t have even mattered if it was, though. It was the principle of it.

And on that principle, before Ricky could even begin to gather together a clumsy excuse—the beer, the joint, the fact that he needed a new contact lens prescription—EJ Caswell stood up. “What’s your problem?”

Carlos tried to smooth things over before it happened, but it was too late. “This turned out more awkward than I thought…”

Ricky got up to his feet. Gina stayed, sitting still on the log. Lily looked like a ghost. “Hey, look man, I’m sor—” EJ’s fist connected with the side of his cheek, where, what felt like ages ago, Gina’s thumb had been.

Ashlyn sprang into action, nearly running into the fire pit. “EJ!”

Ricky licked his lips, the pain flowering on his skin. EJ’s knuckles were red, matching the color of his face. His eyes narrowed. The sight sent Ricky into an uncomfortable wave of déjà vu. And that filled him with such an irrational anger that he grabbed the older boy by the collar, rearing to hit him back. He landed right on the nose, for old time’s sake.

EJ was, like the rest of them, shocked.

“Whoa,” said Jet.

“You kiss his girlfriend, then you punch him back?” Kourtney mumbled in the back. “Whew…” No one moved.

“I’m sorry for the kiss,” he said evenly. EJ’s nose was leaking blood. Ricky wasn’t shouting, and that almost made it worse. He didn’t sound frantic. It sounded like he was in his right mind.

“You’re a piece of shit,” EJ lunged for him, and pushed. Ricky stumbled, his ankles nearly grazing the fire.

“Ricky!” Gina had come up behind him, grasping him by the sleeve, pulling him away from the flames.

“And look at you!” EJ threw his hands up in the air, glaring. “You didn’t exactly stop him, did you?”

Ashlyn grabbed him. “C’mon, let’s go. You need to calm down.”

“He’s a piece of shit.” EJ ripped his arm out of her grip, but let his cousin lead him back towards the cabins.

Kourtney and Maddox slowly reached over to put out the fire. “Fun's over,” Maddox muttered. Kourtney pressed her lips together, holding back whatever she was thinking. Carlos lingered.

“Gi, I’m sorry,” Ricky said then, in a way that made it suddenly clear his other apologies were just for her, only her, everyone else be damned. There wasn’t much light left, nothing reflecting in her eyes.

Gina looked at him, really looked at him. And then she spoke. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Her voice was hard, tears crowning beneath her lashes. Ricky had never hated himself more than he did in that moment. He couldn’t even answer. He didn’t have the time. Gina reached down, grabbing EJ’s jacket, and followed her boyfriend. Maybe that stung the most, maybe worse than the words. No, not worse. Nothing could hurt more than what she just said. Carlos took him by the elbow, leading him in the opposite direction. Ricky could only nod. He knew only two things for sure. Gina kissed him back. And she hated him.

Chapter Text

ii.

“I wish I could stop being in love with Sam. I really do.” – Charlie, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

“You know, you couldn’t have had worse timing, Ricky.”

Ricky looked up from his bed, hands behind his head, frowning. He cocked an eyebrow at Carlos. “What?”

The other boy sighed dramatically. “I mean, I’m your friend, right?” Carlos didn’t give Ricky enough time to respond. “So that means I’m gonna be honest with you.”

Ricky shifted, sitting up against his bedframe. Carlos sighed again, this time sincerely. “I’m afraid you’re going to ruin the musical. If it’s not ruined already.”

Ricky gave him an incredulous look. “What? What did I do?”

---

Gina was a professional. No matter what anyone could say or think about her, everyone knew that to be true. Even though she hated him, she didn’t let that get in the way of playing believable love interests on stage. In fact, there were moments where he almost felt like she...was impressed by him. He could keep up with her on that stage. Miss Jenn had run out of snarky comments about his abilities and performance that summer for sure. His singing voice had gotten steadier, his acting more confident. And maybe because of this, because they were both doing so well, because he knew she was such a professional, maybe this was why he decided to poke at her a bit, to see if she could crack.

They were finally rehearsing “What Do You Know About Love?”—the duet between Kristoff and Anna that was made special for Broadway. And, if anyone asked Ricky, the song was perfect. Like, laughably perfect. The only thing that could have made it more spot on would have been if EJ could play Hans. But, EJ was too old, so. Instead, he was the camp counselor, hanging out in the wings to watch his high school girlfriend practice with the boy he hated the most. Carlos was on the opposite side, taking notes.

They had started out amicably. Gina and Ricky hadn’t had more than two minutes of conversation in the past two weeks since Carlos’ dare and their kiss. But when they were walking up, Ricky throwing her a goofy smile, he could’ve sworn he’d seen the corners of her mouth perk up.

“Hans is not a stranger,” she started, once they had the go-ahead to begin. Ricky, as Kristoff, raised an eyebrow. “Okay. So, what’s his last name?”

“Of the Southern Isles!” said Gina, throwing one of her ginger braids off her shoulders.

“That’s not a last name,” he shook his head.

Gina’s Anna rolled her eyes, launching into song. “You’ve got opinions on my life and my relations…But let me tell you what—”

Her voice was smooth and clear. But there was a hint of something pointed in it. Barely there. “Okay. Enlighten me,” he said. There was a bit too much to his voice. If she had added anything subtly, he had poured everything into it. If they weren’t playing characters for sure, she would’ve thought he was flirting with her. Still, he kept a straight face, his eyes searching. She looked away.

He played nice until later in the song. “Some folks are taken in by curly locks and princely looks!” he sang. But he was looking right at EJ, whose ears turned red.

If Gina had noticed, she didn’t let on. “He does have princely looks. We agree on that one!”

“Right!” Ricky’s voice grew teasing, much like earlier. I’m just playing a character, right? “Ah, by the way, what color eyes does he have?” He gave EJ a wink. Gina caught that one. Still, she was in character. “Dreamy,” she swooned. Ricky glanced over, saw EJ’s smile. Something burned in his chest.

But it wasn’t this song. It wasn’t even when they had to do a little stunt together on a bridge on the stage, her hand grasping his arm. It wasn’t all the eye contact. It wasn’t the way he looked at her when they sang in unison, “What do you know about love?” Again, Gina was a professional. He’d never know if that budged her. But then something did.

It was later that same day. He was up on stage alone, just running over the vocals for his solo, “Kristoff’s Lullaby.” EJ and Gina were now sitting together in the audience with everyone else who’d come to rehearse, EJ’s arm wrapped around her chair. Carlos was cheering him on quietly from the wings.

“Okay, Ricky, remember what we talked about,” said Miss Jenn, before cueing up the music. “Put all your emotion into it.”

That, he could do. In the musical, Anna was returning to Arendelle to kiss Hans, still believing he was her one true love. Kristoff, on the other hand, was alone, conflicted.

“What is this hollow kind of helplessness I’m feeling?”

When he started singing, Miss Jenn beamed. All that practice had worn off. His vocals were strong and steady. He continued, “You light the world for me, you live life fearlessly.” He stepped forward. “Braver than the bravest of us do.” And he made a brave move himself—he looked right at Gina. “I thought that I was strong, ‘til I bumped into you.”

EJ shifted beside her in his chair. Gina’s brow furrowed.

“What do I know about love?” Ricky was putting everything into it. He closed his eyes. Big Red’s car after Homecoming. In the hallway during the snowstorm. Standing in the tiny kitchen in his new house. “What do I know about love?”

Carlos whistled. This was his moment.

“Everything I thought I did, you’ve gone and changed it, kid,” he sang. His lip trembled. Gina was blinking in rapid-fire. Even EJ’s face looked drained.

“You’re what I…” He held the note, and Gina’s stare at the same time. Everything was quiet except for his voice. He could’ve sworn if he looked around, he’d see no one else there. And, if he wasn’t making it up, that’s what she’d see, too. Just the two of them. Nothing else. “Know about love.”

He stepped forward again. Small glances at Carlos’ birthday party. Giggling walking to Ashlyn’s, tugging her knitted hat down over his ears. Hugging her on winter opening night, her tears hot on his neck. Walking by a room on spring opening night, seeing her crying, wanting so badly to say something. Walking past, scared, his heart falling down to his feet. Riding up to camp, seeing her for the first time that summer. Butterflies stampeding every vein, every muscle, every bone in his body. One look, an exchange of eyes, then nothing.

And then he sang, and his face was damp, and he was putting everything into it, and it made him remember all over again why he ended up staying in theater in the first place. You’re the reason I stayed with the show. Her lips on his cheek. “Know about love.”

There was applause, he knew. He’d never sang like that before, ever. But it was Gina he was looking at. She had broken her gaze, and if he wasn’t mistaken, swiping at her eyes. EJ didn’t follow her when she got up to run away.

---

“I’m not trying to mess anything up,” Ricky said finally. Well, that wasn’t true. He’d love more than anything for Gina and EJ’s relationship to be over. But he wasn’t going to cross any more lines than he already had. What he was doing in the show was harmless, right?

“Wrong,” said Carlos. “Gina’s the most professional out of all of us, but you? You made her cry and run out, Ricky! And she didn’t show up to practice her solo today. In fact, she hasn’t left her cabin at all.” Ricky bit his lip. He was in trouble, he knew. He had to appeal to Carlos’ inner hopeless romantic to get out of this one. “I’m sorry,” he started. “I just lo—”

“Don’t,” and Carlos’ expression was strict. “Don’t have the first time you say you love Gina be in a fight with me.”

“Okay.” Ricky swallowed, surprised. “What do you want me to do?”

Carlos stood, moving to leave their cabin, slinging his dance bag over his shoulder. “Fix it.”

---

That night, when everyone was sleeping and all the lights were off, Ricky threw a shirt on over his pajamas and crept out. Well, somewhat. Jet knew. It was Jet who had helped him out with his plan—he’d asked Jet to figure out from Maddox where Gina’s spot was in their cabin, without at all possible blowing his cover. “Right under the window on the left side,” Jet had reported back. The younger boy threw him a thumbs-up across the darkness. Ricky gave him a faint smile back, before disappearing behind the door, praying it wouldn’t creak.

The walk over to Gina’s cabin was equally quiet. The trees moved softly around him, the stars, just like the other night, poking out to say hello. According to Jet, Kourtney and Maddox were deep sleepers, so his plan, although a little ridiculous, wouldn’t be impossible to execute. His heart pounded in his chest as he got closer. That’s all you have to say, he coached himself. I love you, I love you, I love you.

There it was, the left window. If he were several feet taller, he’d be able to see the top of Gina’s hair, just faintly through the glass. Biting his lip, he knelt down, picking up a small rock from the grass. He threw it, and it bounced practically right back into his hands. He could hear Gina stir, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough to get her to look. Wincing, he tried again, the noise louder this time. Then, he waited.

Gina’s face appeared behind the glass. He watched her, wide-eyed, her face shift from confused to startled to confused again. Then, she mouthed what looked like, What are you doing here? and he motioned for her to come outside, painting urgency all over his face.

It took her a minute for her to come out, wrapping a robe around herself and letting her hair down from the bun she’d had it in. When she did though, she pressed a finger up to her lips, shushing him before he could speak. She took him by the hand, and his face flushed as she dragged him further away from the cabin, out of earshot and closer to the lake. Then, she spoke. “What the hell do you want?”

Ricky swallowed. “Look, I know you hate me, but—”

“I don’t hate you,” she cut in. The tone of her voice said otherwise, but he still felt a short wave of relief. “I’ll ask you again. What do you want?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” was all Ricky could say, his tongue suddenly feeling heavy.

“And it couldn’t wait until normal hours?” Gina said, putting a hand on her hip, using the other to tuck the right side of her hair behind her ear.

Ricky met her eyes, taking a step forward. He paused before he spoke, listening to the soft lapping of the water. “No, it couldn’t actually.”

“Okay,” she nodded, her own cheeks feeling hot. “So, what is it?”

I love you, I love you, I love you. His brain rehearsed it madly. “I just wanted to apologize for earlier.”

“Oh?” Gina crossed her arms over her chest, settling into her stance. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”

Ricky made a face, like, You really want me to spell it out? She made one back, Yes. He sighed. “It was inappropriate of me,” he began, “to mess with your game during rehearsals. And I’m sorry for making you cry. I don’t want to see you cry.”  

Gina nodded again. “Okay. Mess with my game how?”

He chewed at the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know, like the little shots at EJ…staring at you during my solo…flirting with you…” And he winced at that last part, his hands balling up into fists before relaxing again. “I’m sorry. I would never want to jeopardize you, or the show. And the kiss…”

Something flickered in Gina’s eyes. She was the one who took a step forward this time. “So, why did you?” She asked it expectantly, like she was waiting for something, like she'd been waiting for a long while.

“Because…”  His mind raced. Because I love you. Now was his time. I love you, I love you, I love you.

“Ricky?” She reached out for his arm. He shivered.

“I don’t know,” he said, surprising himself. “I don’t know why, and I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. And I’m just gonna leave you and EJ alone. Leave you alone. I don’t want to ruin your summer more than I already have.” He took a step back.

“Oh.” Something in Gina’s face fell, hard. “Thanks.”

“You’re a great Anna. I shouldn’t mess that up.” He tried to smile, then let it fall, too.

“And you’re a great Kristoff.” Gina didn’t even bother with the smile. Something about her seemed sad, but he couldn’t figure out why.

“Thanks, Gi.” He moved to reach out for her hand, then froze, pulling it back. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything. “Wanna head back?”

She shook her head, not looking at him. “That’s alright. I think I’ll stay out here for a bit, look at the water.”

“You want me to stay with you? It’s dark out.” Ricky frowned. Her eyes met his, wavering. He wanted to pull her into a hug, to tell her what he really came here to say. He wouldn’t, he knew it, but that want still hung in the air between them, whether she knew it or not.

“That’s okay,” Gina answered, stepping closer to the water. “I’ll be fine alone.”

“Are you sure? I don’t think that’s a—”

“If a bear jumps out to get me or something, I’ll just call EJ,” she joked. “Trust me, I’ll be fine.” But the mention of EJ was intentional, and Ricky understood. “Okay. Got it.” He watched her watch the water for a second, then turned away to leave.

“G’night, Ricky,” she said softly, barely loud enough for him to hear. But he did. “Goodnight, Gina.”

His head felt faint as he headed back to his cabin. You did the right thing, he kept telling himself. Then why was he blinking back tears? You love her. You did the right thing. And he didn’t know if he was making it up, but it almost sounded like, as soon as he got far enough away, Gina had started to cry, too.   

Chapter Text

iii.

“You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.” – Sam, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

There were only two times Gina Porter ever had to call Jamie about a show. Before he left, Jamie promised her that no matter what, if she was in trouble and had stage fright before a performance, he would answer when she called. It was a nice thing to say, but not usually needed. If she needed someone to call, she had her mom. Still, Jamie was her older brother. And that meant something. The first time was when she was 13, gearing up to play Rapunzel in her middle school play. She had looked in the mirror, and wondered if she was pretty enough to play the classic princess. That wonder turned to panic, and Jamie was the one who talked her down before she hit the stage. “Of course, you’re pretty enough to play Rapunzel,” he’d said. “You’re my sister. And if anyone’s said otherwise, they’re wrong.”

The second time was now.

“I don’t think I can do it,” she whispered into the phone, chest heaving. She was alone in the cabin, but kept her voice low anyway.

“You don’t think you can be Anna? Why?” Like always, Jamie’s voice was soft, patient. It was what she admired most about him. Why always it hurt when he left.

“It’s just too much.” She closed her eyes, remembering. Ricky, on stage, eyes glued to hers. You’re what I know about love. It wasn’t just his audacity—Ricky had a lot of that, and she was used to it. It was that look on his face that she’d seen before. First, in Big Red’s car, the night of Homecoming, after she kissed him on the cheek. She didn’t plan it, the kiss. In fact, she felt a pang of anxiety when she pulled away, worried that he’d reject her, or be upset. But Ricky was neither of those things. His face was open, full of…wonder. His eyes shone. She caught them flicker to her lips, then back up again. The surprise never really totally wore off. But his face eventually relaxed a bit, and when she pulled away, he’d looked at her like he thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. Or, maybe that wasn’t what he was thinking at all.

Gina shook her head. A tear rolled out down her cheek. “Too much.”

“Is it boy trouble?” Jamie asked next, matter-of-factly, and Gina froze. “What do you mean?”

Jamie chuckled kindly. “You know what I mean, Gigi. Trouble…with boys. Or a boy,” he added.

“No, EJ and I are fine,” she said. She wiped her eyes. “It’s not that. Just the show.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean EJ.” Jamie waited a beat. Confusion settled over the phone between them. “I meant the other one, the one that played the prince on opening night? I think his name was Rich…Richard?”

“Ricky.” Gina’s breath caught. “You met…you talked to him?”

Jamie cleared his throat. “Well, yeah, before I even met EJ actually. Mom had called before I caught my flight, told me to find him and thank him in person for the Valentine’s Day thing. You know how she is, politeness and etiquette and all th—” He stopped himself there, realizing, but Gina had already started talking anyway.

“J, what Valentine’s Day thing?”

Jamie’s silence was extraordinarily loud. But even though he had ten years on her, he was still terrified by the potential wrath of his baby sister. “What. Thing?” she repeated.

“The chocolates,” Jamie relented. “Ricky reminded Mom about your Valentine’s Day tradition and she had him deliver them to you, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” Gina began to pace, heat rushing over her body. “Why didn’t she tell me? Why didn’t he?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him?” Jamie said flippantly. Gina held the phone away from her ear, fuming. It was almost like Jamie had seen her, because then he fumbled, “Okay, wait, don’t hang up!”

“Tell me why,” said Gina again, and this time there was a pleading in her voice. Jamie’s own voice softened. “When I met him on opening night, I asked him if you knew, and he said no.” He paused. “He said it wasn’t about him. He said he cared about you and he just wanted you to have what you wanted—and that was for you to believe Mom didn’t forget about Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh,” was all Gina could say. “Oh.”

Jamie sighed. “He’s your boy trouble, isn’t he?”

Gina shrugged, rolling her eyes. But Jamie knew his sister well enough to predict her habits—even the ones he couldn’t see. “If you’re rolling your eyes at me I saw that,” he joked. “Do you want my advice?”

“No.” Gina sat on the edge of her bed. “Yes.”

“If you feel anything at all for this boy—if knowing this changes anything—I think you should tell him.”

Gina let herself fall back into her pillows, staring up at the cabin ceiling. “I still don’t know if he feels that way about me. Plus, EJ…”

Jamie laughed. “The senior with the glue on beard? He’ll be okay.”

Gina ignored her brother’s pointedness, but gnawed on her lip. What about EJ? He was, on paper, the “perfect” boyfriend. Why couldn’t that be enough? Why couldn’t he be… “And Ricky?” Her breath caught just by saying his name.

“It might not be over yet, Gigi. Maybe he’s just looking for the right moment to tell you.”

---

“So, what is it?”

Gina watched Ricky fumble with his hands. “I just wanted to apologize for earlier,” he said.

“Oh?” She crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t look him in the eye—if she did, she knew she’d melt right into the summer heat. So instead she focused on a stray curl hanging above his eyes, slightly wet from what could have only been a shower. He pushed it off his forehead, before it inevitably flopped down again. She took a deep breath. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”

Ricky made a face, like, You really want me to spell it out? What nerve he had. She made one back, having recharged her confidence, Yes. He sighed. “It was inappropriate of me,” he began, “to mess with your game during rehearsals. And I’m sorry for making you cry. I don’t want to see you cry.” 

Oh. Gina nodded again. So, he’d noticed. She felt a wave of embarrassment rush over her. He’d seen her cry, and he knew it was because of him. What else did he know? She had to see this conversation through. No more vague confessions and unanswered questions. “Okay. Mess with my game how?”

She watched him chew at the inside of his cheek, clearly flustered. Caught. “I don’t know, like the little shots at EJ…staring at you during my solo…flirting with you…” Warmth crawled up Gina’s skin. He was, wasn’t he? And now he was admitting it to her, evidence that she wasn’t just making it all up in her head. Ricky Bowen had been flirting with her. But why?

His hands balled up into fists before relaxing again. “I’m sorry. I would never want to jeopardize you, or the show. And the kiss…”

Gina blinked, remembering. His lips on hers, his fist crashing into EJ’s nose. The wild look on his face when they parted, like he’d do it all again. Just to be close to her, just to have one second where he could almost say she was his. She took a step forward, her body language open. This was it. His opportunity. His right moment. And he’d either take it or he wouldn’t. “So, why did you?”

“Because…” It didn’t seem like he had the words. Maybe, somehow, the guy that had the courage to kiss her at the campfire was nervous, too. Maybe…she made him nervous.

“Ricky?” She reached a comforting hand out for his arm. He shivered, but it wasn’t cold.

“I don’t know,” he said, and she recoiled. Maybe I’m being too much. “I don’t know why, and I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. And I’m just gonna leave you and EJ alone. Leave you alone. I don’t want to ruin your summer more than I already have.” He took a step back.

“Oh.” Gina tried to keep her face as composed as possible. She tried to ignore the burgeoning pit in her stomach. If this was what rejection felt like, she never wanted to feel it again. “Thanks.”

“You’re a great Anna. I shouldn’t mess that up.” Ricky smiled until he didn’t. Gina wanted to disappear.

“And you’re a great Kristoff.” She pursed her lips. The worst thing she could do would be to show how frustrated she was. How…sad. If she could just make it through this conversation cordially, she could fall apart later. Just keep pushing.  

“Thanks, Gi.” He moved to reach out for her hand, then froze, pulling it back. She could’ve laughed. What was it about her? That made her that poisonous to the touch? That made him not want her? “Wanna head back?” he gestured back to the cabins.

Gina shook her head, not looking at him. If she did, she knew a tear would fall. Jamie was wrong. The chocolates were a blunder. He cared about her, but just as a friend. Ricky had his opportunity to say otherwise, and he didn’t use it. Because he didn’t want to.

“That’s alright. I think I’ll stay out here for a bit, look at the water.”

And as soon as he walked away, far enough out of reach, Gina Porter let herself fall apart.

---

Camp was just like Carlos and Kourtney had told her before they all arrived. It didn’t run on normal time. “It’s like Love Island,” Carlos had explained. “Each day’s like a week in here.” So, it took only about three more days before Ricky and Gina started being friendly again. Yeah, she noticed him intentionally trying not to get close to her when they were walking and sitting together, and she made a conscious effort to avoid spending time with him away from the group at all costs, but it was friendly nonetheless.

So, when she found herself sitting on the steps after everyone had left their dance rehearsal, and Ricky came to join her, Gina had her guard up, but didn’t make an excuse to get up and leave. She let her hair down from the ponytail it was in, her braids falling about her shoulders. Ricky gave her a small, ridiculous wave, despite being only a few feet away.

“You look…” Ricky began, then cleared his throat. “Deep in thought.”

“That obvious?” Gina tapped her fingers on the stair beside her. “I still have the dance counts running through my head. It’ll take like half an hour for me to unplug.”

Ricky laughed. “At least you remember them.”

Gina frowned. “Hey, don’t talk like you’re not my dance partner. I think I taught you well.”

Ricky finally sat down beside her, an awkward three feet between them. “Yeah, you did.”

“I know.” Gina pulled her knees up to her chest. A comfortable silence fell over them. Is this what it would be like from now on? she wondered. A friendship from three feet apart? Maybe it was for the better. Maybe it would be easier to manage that way. If she was lucky, eventually, that’s all she would grow to see him as, how he’d apparently seen her the whole time—a friend.

“What were you really thinking about though?” said Ricky, and it felt like an interruption, even though she wasn’t saying a word.

“I told you,” Gina said, her brows furrowed. “The dance.”

Ricky shook his head. She couldn’t help but notice the way his curls fell about his face, a little extra brown in the sun. “It wasn’t just that.”

“What, so you’re a mind-reader now?”

“No,” he stretched. “I just get you.” A pang went right through Gina’s chest. Ricky waited expectantly for a better answer.

“It’s EJ,” she said finally, then let her legs go, leaning back against one of the pillars holding the outside of the rehearsal cabin together. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hmph,” said Ricky, sitting back too. “Asking me for advice about EJ. Risky.” He threw her a smile, hoping for a laugh.

“Now you know how I felt,” Gina quipped, then froze.

“What do you mean?” Ricky rose a brow. “How you felt when?”

Gina wracked her brain for the best way to answer without giving anything away. “You know, when you kept asking me for advice about Nini half of last semester.”

Ricky titled his head, preparing to speak.

“But, to be fair you were my first real best friend. I guess I just didn’t know that came with the territory,” she finished.

It looked like something had fallen on Ricky’s face, but she didn’t know why. “Yeah,” he said. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be way less annoying than I was about Nini.” He smiled ruefully. “Come on, lay it on me.”

Gina chewed at her lip, debating whether to say before she did. “Should I be worried EJ hasn’t asked me to camp prom yet?”

“He hasn’t?” said Ricky, confused.

She shook her head. “What, you want me to say it again?”

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously. “But, seriously, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“Yeah,” Gina nodded, still not believing him. “I just want…”

“A sweet gesture?” Ricky completed. “I remember.” He leaned forward, happy with himself. Something in Gina’s chest fluttered.

“EJ’s had a million girlfriends, he knows how to ask someone to a dance. I’m sure he’s cooking up something sweet for you, too.” Then, he cringed. “I didn’t mean—”

That I’m EJ’s millionth girlfriend and he’s probably exhausted every other romantic bone in his body by now? Gina smiled thinly. “I know what you meant.” It was that comment that let something loose in her brain, something vindictive and wistful all at once, that comment that made her look at him and say:

“Well, if you were my boyfriend, what would you have planned?”

Ricky sputtered like the engine of a half-dead car. “If I was—”

“If you were EJ,” Gina shrugged. Despite what she thought was his rejection days before, it was still quite nice to see him squirm. She just didn’t interrogate why.

“I’m not EJ—” Ricky started.

“Duh,” Gina let herself laugh. Let herself make fun. Let herself ignore the relentless thought in the back of her mind, I wish you were him instead.

“If I were EJ,” Ricky started again, and his ears were red. “I’d have something big planned. I’d drop hints for days, letting you wonder what was going on. Then, when you’d least expect it, I’d come out with a promposal. I’d personally play the guitar and like, serenade you or something. But since EJ can’t do that,” Gina swatted him and he laughed, “he’d probably have some background instrumentals playing off his phone. And a poster, maybe.” He let out a breath, clearly pleased with himself. “But that’s just off the top of my head.”

“I guess that isn’t so bad,” Gina nodded, convincing herself. And then, because she figured, why not, “Definitely sounds better than dropping a box of chocolates at my door without telling me.”

Ricky laughed at first, thinking she had just revived their old inside joke. But then he really looked at her, and the knowing expression on her face. “Who told you?”

“So, you’re not denying it?” Gina gave him a disapproving look. “Anyway, thanks, I guess.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Ricky said slowly. “And you didn’t think anything of it?”

The three feet between them suddenly felt like nothing. He took up so much space with his presence alone, eyeing her intently, all his body language aimed in her direction, it seemed. She suddenly felt a little faint.

“What am I supposed to think?” she answered.

Ricky opened his mouth, then closed it again. He made a soft breathy sound, clearly thinking himself. “If I were you?” he asked permission to play their hypotheticals again. Gina nodded.

“If I were you, I’d be confused,” Ricky said honestly. “And curious.”

Gina didn’t understand, although, technically, it wasn’t far from the truth. But why was he saying it?

Ricky was playing with his hands, no longer looking at her. “And I’d wonder why someone would do that. If it was because they…really liked me.”

Gina blinked, hard. If she didn’t reign herself in, her heart could absolutely fall into her stomach—or worse, right out of her chest. She watched him, a muscle working in his jaw, his body otherwise very still. Her mouth felt dry.

“That’s interesting,” she managed. “I didn’t really think that at all.”

Ricky swiveled to look at her, something intense passing over his eyes. But then the cabin doors flew open, Val and, to Gina’s surprise, EJ, walking through. EJ looked equally surprised to see her. “Babe,” he said, and Ricky made a sound like a strangled cough. “What are you doing out here?” He ignored the younger boy, his eyes flitting from Gina to the space in between them. Then, deciding, he extended his hand to Gina instead of sitting down beside her, a winning grin on his face.

Gina looked to Ricky, who gave her a half-hearted smile, then up at her boyfriend. She took his hand, rising. “Just taking a breather after rehearsal.”

“And you did so great,” Val chimed in.

EJ wrapped his arm around her. It felt heavier than normal all of a sudden. “Cool. Wanna come hang out with us in the counselors’ cabin?”

She didn’t really want to. But what was she supposed to say? No. “Sure,” she said brightly. EJ gave her a peck on the cheek. “Come on then,” he said, and she could’ve sworn there was something pointed in his voice. Gina looked down at Ricky, who was pretending to rummage for something in his bag. She pursed her lips, deciding whether or not to say goodbye. But then EJ’s arm was tugging on her shoulder, and Val was already walking in the opposite direction. So, she said nothing, heading away with them.

It was then that she heard his unmistakable voice, barely louder than a whisper behind her. “See you later, Gi.”

---

Channing Parker loved his job. He was a bit too young to be thinking about fatherhood seriously, but he had a connection to the East High kids. He munched happily on some celery sticks as he played back the footage from the past two weeks. He was planning on making a little video of all the best footage.

Kourtney finding out she got the role of Elsa, jumping up in down in her matching satin pajamas, running over to hug her newly anointed sister, Gina. He smiled. They deserved the leads.

EJ, who had quickly become his protégé, giving instructions to everyone during rehearsal, trying—but failing—to look as stern as possible.

Lily saying a dramatic goodbye to the camera, failing to explain why she was really cutting her summer camp experience short.

Carlos and Ashlyn arguing about…something. Which was a surprise. Not so much coming from Carlos, who probably argued with someone at least twice a day, but from his protégé’s younger cousin, yeah.

“I get that you’re roomies, but I don’t get how you can still be friends with him after what he did,” said Ashlyn, crossing her arms over her chest.

Carlos rolled his eyes, hard. “I can’t control what a grown man does,” he retorted, punctuating each word.

Ashlyn scoffed. “He’s 17!”

“Whatever, it was a kiss! You’re acting like he murdered someone! I can’t control what an almost grown man does!”

“But you seem to want to control everything else!”

“Listen, it’s not my fault you’re too boring to be on The Real Campers of Shallow Lake!” Carlos threw his hands up in the air, and Ashlyn’s face turned red.

“That’s not even a thing!”

“It will be!” Carlos shrugged. “Your cousin was in on it, too, don’t forget. At least my roomie has his eye on the real prize.”

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m sure you can put that together, Frozen Troll #79.”

Channing chuckled. He would have asked them what they were arguing about, but 1) They didn’t exactly know he was filming them and 2) He did not want to get in the middle of what looked like a heavily mounting fury. Clicking out, he went back to the two clips he absolutely couldn’t stop replaying earlier. He just couldn’t get past them. He watched the first one, chewing at his lip.  

Then he rewound it, leaning in to get a closer look. Ricky and Gina, Camp Shallow Lake’s Kristoff and Anna, were returning from what looked like a dress rehearsal. The boy was using the red sash slung around his waist as a makeshift windmill. The girl, donning a long purple cape, swooshed it around before covering the both of them with it, giggling. Then, Gina noticed Channing waving her over with his camera, bashfully ending their fun.

“So, how was your dress rehearsal?” he asked once he got her alone. Her eyes looked distant—most likely still watching Ricky leaving with the others.

“Great!” she said finally. “Anna’s coronation dress is my favorite, but this cape is just so fun.” She swished it around again, and Channing couldn’t help but chuckle.

“And how’s working with Ricky?” Gina’s face remained composed, but something flickered in her eyes. “You told me last time you guys weren’t as close as you used to be during the school year?”

“I did say that, didn’t I,” she laughed it off. “Yeah, I mean, working together brought us back together as friends, I think.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” said Channing. “How do you feel about that?”

Gina bit her lip. She looked around.

“You can answer honestly,” he encouraged.

She nodded, and on camera it didn’t look like much, but Channing remembered standing there with her, feeling the energy shift.

“Honestly? I feel weird about being friends with Ricky again,” she began. “It’s like we’re getting so close so fast again. And it kind of scares me.” In real time, he watched her shut down again. She avoided his gaze, anyone’s gaze. “But that’s probably just because camp time is so intense,” she played it off, twirling one of her braids around her finger. “I’m just excited to get the show on its feet, you know? Anyway, I should probably head off to dinner before all the good fries are gone.”

“It’s not fry night—” Channing had started, but she was already gone.

“Hm,” said Channing now, opening up the next video clip beside it.

“Of course, I’m happy being friends with Gina again,” Ricky said to the camera, grinning. “I love everything about her.”

“You love her?” Channing repeated, absentmindedly.

Ricky’s face went absolutely red. “I mean—sorry? You’re asking me if—?”

“You don’t have to answer the question, kid,” Channing said, rescuing him from the seemingly never-ending stumble over his words. He remembered feeling so bad for him.

“No, um, it’s not your fault. I mean, I just—” Ricky scratched the side of his neck. “I haven’t told her yet.”

The video dipped. Channing could tell this was where his hands got sweaty, and he’d nearly dropped the camera.

“You okay, man?” Ricky took a step forward, concerned.

“Yeah, it’s all good,” said Channing. “Just one more question. And this one won’t be for the documentary.”

Ricky raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Why haven’t you told her?”

“Oh,” said Ricky, and he made a forlorn motion with his mouth. “She has a boyfriend. And I promised her I wouldn’t ruin things for her—again.”

“What do you mean by aga—” Channing began, but then Ricky was already making up some excuse, turning on his heel. It’s like they’re the same person, he thought. Grabbing another celery stick, he popped it into his mouth as he dragged the two clips to the trash. Meddling or not, it wouldn’t be fair to the kids to expose them in the group video like this. But what Channing didn’t know was, he wouldn’t be the only one to see those clips.   

---

EJ Caswell took his job as counselor in training seriously. And though he didn’t have any plans for his adult life, he did have one interest—videography. That’s how he found himself shadowing Channing on most days, picking his brain about filming B-roll and getting answers out of haggard campers. That’s also how he found himself alone in Channing’s studio cabin, while the older man had run out to get snacks in the midst of their video editing binge.

He wouldn’t have snooped, normally. But it was something Channing had said that made the recent graduate’s stomach twist.

“How is it spending the summer with your girlfriend?” Channing had asked, his eyes glued to the computer screen.

EJ grinned. “Great, I think. I’m planning on asking her to the prom soon.”

Channing nodded, swiveling his mouse. “Well, I hope you don’t have any competition.”

EJ instantly deflated. Normally he would’ve kept the smile on his face, but since Channing wasn’t looking, he let it fall. “Why would I have any competition?”

The videographer shrugged.

EJ fiddled with his hands. “Did Gina say something to you?”

“No?” said Channing, his fingers pausing on his keyboard. “Just a lighthearted joke. But even if she did, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Only clips that can make it into the final documentary go public. But—seriously, you have nothing to worry about, man.”

EJ had nodded, pretending to move on from the situation as he and Channing put together clips for the camp prom viewing.

But as soon as Channing had gone, he couldn’t help himself. The counselor in training slid over to Channing’s chair, scrolling through the clips in his folder. He found nothing, really. Maddox and Jet going back and forth about who was the better sibling. Carlos dragging Channing’s style. Kourtney dressed up as Elsa, gushing excitedly about being the lead. Then, a thought occurred to him.

EJ looked over his shoulder, then double-clicked on the small trash can at the bottom of the screen. It wasn’t empty. Inside were some random clips from camp, but he toggled past those. It was when he came across a video of Ricky that he paused.

“You love her?” Channing’s voice wasn’t loud, but the question rang out in EJ’s ears immediately. “You love her?” He kept rewinding. “You love her?” Ricky’s facial expressions made his entire body go hot. “I haven’t told her yet.”

“Yet,” EJ said aloud, fuming. “Yet!” He couldn’t help but want to drag the boy out of his cabin by the hair. Ricky was clearly who Channing was talking about. But he wouldn’t be that bold to ask Gina to prom…would he? EJ’s hands balled into fists. He had never properly reconciled with the boy, but he thought they were at least cordial. Gina told him that he’d apologized to her again about the kiss and the flirting, and that he’d leave the two of them alone. And technically, he had. Until, in EJ’s mind, now.

A panic struck him, and he clicked on the next clip in the trash can, his heart immediately pounding at the sight of his girlfriend in front of the camera.

“And how’s working with Ricky?” Channing asked. Whose side was he on? EJ paled at Gina’s reaction. The pause was reasonable. But it wasn’t a This is awkward being asked about the guy I absolutely have no feelings for who made a move on me in front of my boyfriend type of pause. It looked like a I shouldn’t say what I’m really thinking pause. And EJ didn’t like it at all.

He pulled out his phone, and pressed record.

Chapter Text

iv. 

“If somebody likes me...I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too.” – Sam, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

“No,” Gina said. She was surprising not just the entire crowd, but herself, too. Her lips felt numb.

EJ’s smile wavered only a millionth of an inch. “No?”

In his hands was, just as Ricky predicted, a cheesy-looking poster, with the words, “Be My Fake Prom Date?” plastered on them in silver glitter. And he was, indeed, playing a background song off his phone, something she didn’t quite recognize, but it was loud and she hated that it wasn’t private and she just couldn’t bring herself to say what she wanted. What he wanted.

“I’m sorry,” she bit her lip. “I was waiting for you to ask me all this time but now that you have…” EJ looked guilty, but nodded. “I just realized I don’t really want you to anymore.”

It wasn’t what she said. But what everyone really heard was, “I don’t want you anymore.” Including EJ. He let the poster slide out of his hands, pushing them into his pockets.

Gina’s shifted uncomfortably. “EJ, this doesn’t mean—”

And then he was holding out his phone, a video playing on the screen. It looked like a recording of a computer monitor, and Ricky’s face was on it. And his voice, “Of course I’m happy being friends with Gina again. I love everything about her.” EJ paused it.

“What is this?” she said, staggering. “How did you get this?”

“Is it because of him?” EJ countered. “Is that why you said no?”

“No. Of course not,” Gina shook her head madly. “Why would you think that?” She tried looking out for a familiar face, for someone to confirm that she was right, that this was all going too far. She couldn’t find one.  

“I thought you’d say that.” EJ let out a dry laugh, then swiped at his phone with his finger before bringing it in front of her again.

Gina blanched at the sound of her own voice. “Honestly? I feel weird about being friends with Ricky again. It’s like we’re getting so close so fast again. And it kind of scares me.”

“What does this have to do with us?” Gina started. But deep down, she already knew.

Besides, EJ was on a roll. He went back to the clip with Ricky, something she hadn’t heard before. “You love her?” Channing’s voice. Ricky’s stammer. “I mean—sorry? You’re asking me if—?”

Then, the damning line of it all:

“I mean, I just—I haven’t told her yet.”

By this time, a small crowd had gathered around the two. Carlos’ voice was the loudest of them all. “Oh my god.”

Then, Kourtney was rushing to her side. “What’s going on, Gi? What did he do?” And it didn’t matter which “he” she was referring to. Gina was completely silent.

“How did you get this?” said Ashlyn, coming up to pull roughly at her cousin’s arm. “What’s wrong with you?”

EJ shrugged her off. “What’s wrong with me is that I’ve been dating a liar.” Gina’s eyebrows shot up. She took a step forward, fuming. But before she could open her mouth to speak, someone else spoke first.

“What the hell did you just call her?” And Ricky, whose dance bag was draped over his shoulder, sweat dripping from his face, walked up, the barn door shutting behind him. Something fluttered in Gina’s chest, and she hated the feeling. Shoved it away.

EJ rounded to face him. “You picked the wrong time to be here right now.”

“Yeah?” Ricky dropped his bag to the floor, and all the attention shifted to him. “And what are you gonna do about it, huh?”

“Are they serious?” Carlos prodded Kourtney, shocked.

“Guys!” Maddox yelled, her face painted with concern. “Not again.”

“Yes, again,” shouted EJ. “Because he didn’t get the message the first time to stay away from my girlfriend and stop disrespecting our relationship.”

“When have I—”

“You told Channing you love her,” EJ boomed. Ashlyn and Kourtney audibly winced.

Ricky froze. He looked right at Gina. But she wasn’t processing. Her face looked completely blank.

Something flickered in his eyes before they moved to EJ. And what he said next came out of his mouth before he could really think about it, before he could smooth things over or take things back, pull the three of them off the cliff they were all teetering on the edge of, in front of everyone. He said it anyway. “At least one of us does.”

Gina barely reacted. Nothing, nothing was making sense. The sides of her face were hot, but she felt light on her feet, as if the right gust of wind, or the right words, could easily topple her over. It was only Kourtney who’d noticed, her eyes softening as she mouthed, are you okay? Gina nodded, if only to have something to do.

The tiniest amount of uncertainty flashed across EJ’s face. “Really?” he corrected himself. “When did you decide that? When you spent a whole semester trying to steal Nini from me by auditioning for a musical you never even watched? Or was it when you started dating the girl who literally tried to sabotage our show?” He crossed his arms. “Tell me again where your sudden feelings for Gina fit into the past year. Seems like you were doing a lot.”

A hush spread over the crowd. Ashlyn reached for EJ’s arm, then Maddox pulled her back, shaking her head. Carlos immediately looked to Ricky. And Ricky, he looked right at Gina, like none of what else EJ had said about him even mattered.

“What if I told you they were there the whole time?” Ricky said, body completely still. “My feelings.” His breaths were coming out long and slow, like he was trying to calm himself down. Gina’s lips parted, but she didn’t say anything.

EJ laughed. Actually laughed. It was disturbingly close to his normal laughter, when he was happy and joking around with the rest of the campers. But his eyes were clouded. “Then maybe you’re not a liar like she is. You’re just pathetic.”

It was Jet who ended up being the one to pull Ricky off of EJ.

The younger boy had been walking to his cabin, headphones covering his ears but suspiciously not plugged into anything. But he didn’t need to hear to understand what was going on. The sight of Ricky’s fist nearly about to crash into EJ’s face again clued him in enough. He immediately came running.

“Move, Jet!” Ricky struggled, trying to get out of his grip. Jet was stronger than he looked, but Ricky’s rage was enough to have his feet digging in the dirt, struggling to keep his arms around him, and away from EJ. It would have been comical to watch, had they not been fighting about what they were.

A hint of relief crossed EJ’s eyes, but it was like he couldn’t stop himself. Like he was aching to see Ricky’s reaction. “You only have feelings for her now because I’m dating her,” he pushed. “Just like with—”

But he didn’t finish. Gina was in between them, having come to life, the angriest either of them had ever seen her. “Stop!” she screamed. EJ’s mouth shut like a puppet’s. Ricky stilled in Jet’s arms. Everyone was quiet.

Then, she turned to EJ. All eyes were on her. Her voice was seething. “It doesn’t matter.” He reached out for her, but she flinched back. “Because we’re not dating anymore.” 

---

“Doesn’t she look beautiful?” Kourtney squealed.

Ricky swallowed. He could only see her face in the vanity mirror she was sitting in front of, but that was more than enough. “Yeah. She does.” Kourtney was affixing something to the end of Gina’s braids, her long blue gown trailing behind her. She was the perfect Elsa.

“You’re gonna kill this dress rehearsal, Kourt,” he said, and she beamed at him. He couldn’t help but notice Gina’s smile, the same one she had when they were all watching Camp Rock together.

Kourtney looked from Ricky to Gina, then pursed her glossy lips. “I’m gonna go see if Maddox has some setting spray,” she decided purposefully, then stalked out, leaving the two of them alone in the quiet.

Ricky adjusted the sash around his waist. “We haven’t talked,” he said finally.

Gina played with her necklace, not catching his gaze in the mirror, but the clasp eventually came loose, the pendant clattering to the floor. “I hate this thing. It’s so hard to get on and off,” she mumbled, lucky for something to change the subject. But then Ricky was moving to stand behind her, a question on his face. He reached down, coming back up with the necklace between his fingers. “Can I?”

Gina didn’t say anything, just nodded. They held eye contact through the mirror. He brought the necklace around her neck, laying the ribbon flat before toying impatiently with the metal clasp in the back. “Oh, you were right,” he said. His fingers brushed up against her skin as he tried to put it back together, and he could feel her stiffen, her eyes widening.

“Your fingers are cold,” she grumbled, but it was an empty complaint.

“Sorry,” he said, holding the back of the necklace together with one hand and breathing heat onto his other one. “This better?” he joked, and she couldn’t help but smile again. “It’s fitting though, the musical being Frozen and all.”

He fumbled a bit longer with the clasp—then got it, finally. “All good.”

Her eyes were soft. “Thanks.” He tilted his head at her reflection.

No one else was there. They could do anything, say anything…

“You kissed me back during the game. Why?” He tried to maintain his breathing, tried to justify why he’d just said that, why he was breaking his promise to not let his feelings ruin her summer, but he couldn’t.

“I…I didn’t.” Her eyebrows dipped as she blinked up at him. “I didn’t mean to,” she finished, because she couldn’t lie.

“But did you want to?” said Ricky, and it wasn’t really a question. The way he was looking at her was making her heart beat out of her chest, and they weren’t even facing each other.

“Don’t you think we should talk about—” he started again, but she turned around in her chair. 

“We have a show to do, Ricky,” said Gina, and something like fear crossed her face. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this right now.”

He nodded slowly, then recuperated. “No, you’re right, I’m sorry.” He held out his arm for her to use as a railing as she stood, and she smoothed the skirt of her dress, avoiding his gaze. “You’re gonna be the best Anna. And I won’t let you down.”

The fear shifted to gratefulness. She took his arm. “Thanks...Kristoff.”

---

He’d caught her eyes from across the room, but not walked over. He’d watched her dance with everyone, and not joined in. But when he saw her leave the room in a hurry, hands swiping at her face, he couldn’t help but follow.

“Gina.” Against everything in him, he walked up to her. “Hey. Is everything okay?”

She turned to look at him, but her eyes were watery, her mascara smeared. He’d seen her sad before, but never this sad. His hands balled into fists, thinking about EJ, how he’d talked to her days before. But then she spoke. “No, not really,” and his hands relaxed, coming up to her shoulders to pull her into a hug. It was like muscle memory, his body remembering what it was like on their first opening night, Gina’s tears warm on his neck.

With his foot, he kicked the door stopper away, the door to the coat check room falling gently closed.

“What happened?” He rubbed slow circles onto her back. “Is it…”

“I heard EJ talking outside after the water bucket thing,” she said thickly. “He said I never really had feelings for him and that I just go to anyone who pays me any attention.” To his surprise, her arms tightened around him, already underneath his suit jacket. He pushed down the thought of walking back onto the dance floor, grabbing EJ by the collar. Gina was more important. And she always would be.

But Gina pulled away from him, her hands resting on his chest, the lapels of his jacket. “It’s been over,” she sniffed. “You probably think I’m stupid for crying.”

She looked down, embarrassed, and all Ricky wanted was to absorb her pain. As silly as it sounded, he wished he could take on everything that she had. She didn’t deserve anything less. He tilted her head up by the chin, his hand resting on her cheek as he caught her tears with his thumb.

“Don’t ever think that,” he said fiercely. “I would never think that about you.”

Her eyes widened. “Was EJ right earlier? That you only kissed me because I was with him? That that’s the only reason why you…” she swallowed, leaning in as if she were about to whisper a secret. “Liked me?”

“No, that can’t be true,” said Ricky, and his voice was soft, barely there. He leaned in too, but he didn’t have a reason. “Because you’re not with him anymore, and here I am, still liking you. Like I always have.”

Her hands fell from his chest, and he caught them. “You like me?”

He pressed one of her palms against his chest, the way he did what felt like ages ago in the woods, when it was dark and they could still pretend they could ever be just friends. He paused for a moment, letting her feel how fast his heart was racing. Letting her know that it was for her. Then, his eyes met hers again. “If I said yes, what would you do?”

This time, she didn’t push him away. She pulled him closer. “I don’t know. You haven’t said yes yet.” There was a glint in her eye, and it wasn’t the tears.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, the way he did when they were practicing for the musical. It felt so natural, his lips an inch away from hers, when he whispered, “Yes.”

It was impossible, he thought, as he watched her eyes flutter shut, anticipating. It was impossible to be this lucky. Impossible to, for once this summer, get something right. And maybe that’s why he stopped, resisting the urge to do what they were both waiting for, what he’d wanted to do since Homecoming, that first night in the car in her driveway.

“Wait,” Ricky breathed. The air tickled her lashes. She shivered, eyes open again. All of his willpower was hinging on this moment, on what he was going to say next.

Gina’s face flushed, still close to his. “What?”

“I want to ask you,” he said. “Like I didn’t do the first time.”

---

“Oh,” said Gina. She focused on Ricky’s eyes, trying to keep her composure. “Ask me what?”

His cheeks were reddening, and he nodded to himself before finally saying the words. “Did you want to kiss me?”

Something soared in Gina’s chest. Something that had weighed her down for a long time. “Before?”

Ricky bit his lip, glancing at the floor. “Yeah…and now?” He stilled, her hand now on his face. He was warm, and she stroked the top of his cheekbone with her thumb. “Both,” she said, so soft she could have been melting. “Yes.”

“Yes?” he repeated, and he sounded winded. She touched the tip of his nose with hers. “Yes.”

He was surprisingly awkward when he finally leaned in, and she found it endearing. He still hadn’t kissed her, yet they were so incredibly close. “Ricky. Are you nervous?” she said, her lips nearly grazing his. He huffed, caught. “Absolutely.” Then suddenly, finally, he pressed his lips to hers.

It was what made her kiss him back the first time, she realized. He was kissing her the same way now, like he’d been waiting to do it forever.

She’d only had one other person to compare it to, but Ricky was for sure the only person who kissed her like that. Like, if they stopped kissing, it would be the biggest devastation in his life. Like he wouldn’t know what do with himself. And she didn’t either. Her fingers tangled in his hair. She felt her back land against the wall of the small coat check room, his hand landing beside it. And that’s when something inside her shattered. Everything was in slow motion before, and then it was all fast, a blur, a flash.

But she tried, she wanted to remember everything. The way one of his hands was cradling her jaw, holding her like she was the most important thing in the world. What he smelled like—not like that cologne he always carried around, but like…him. Kind of like trees? But warm and sweet and boyish. And everything about him was soft. His lips, that fell open against hers, the flutter of his lashes, his light breaths ghosting across her face. And his racing heart, she could feel that, too. And it’s like Ricky heard her thoughts, knew what she was feeling, because in that next moment, his hand dropped from her face to his, where her fingers were still caressing his cheek, and wordlessly moved to place her hand flat on his chest. All without pulling away once. There his heartbeat was again, beneath her fingers, beneath the fabric of his shirt. As if to make sure she positively knew how he felt about her. He slowed his kisses, but his heart was pounding fast. And she loved him so much she wanted to cry.

“You’re the reason I came to camp this summer,” he said after what felt like hours, pulling away, his lips pink and his face flushed. “If that wasn’t obvious already.”

“Really?” Gina squinted at him. Partially out of skepticism, partially because her head was spinning and she needed to focus. “How—why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I wanted you to be happy,” he answered simply. “I thought you were—with him.”

Gina started to protest, then remembered herself, only a few months before. He’s so happy now. “Well, I wasn’t.”

“Me neither,” he said, and then she laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“No, before,” he clarified, shaking his head. “When I got back with Nini, right after the show on opening night last winter. That was all before I saw you. Before you said what you said.”

Gina’s lips parted, but she didn’t say anything. The hand that was flat against his chest fell back to her side.

Ricky’s eyes followed. He straightened his shirt. “I thought…I thought it was like a sign or something, that I didn’t see you right after the show. That I was silly to think you’d come to say goodbye. Or tell me you felt the same way. So I took the easy way out.”

“The easy way…” Gina repeated. “And after?”

“After you said goodbye?” She nodded.

“I didn’t…” He paused, frustrated with himself. “I wasn’t sure you were telling me all of that because you liked me. Like, liked me, liked me. And I guess…” He took a shuddering breath. “After you had to move away, it’s like I thought I had to convince myself change wasn’t a good thing.” His voice crumbled then, and Gina could feel her own eyes burn. “Because why would good things have to leave?” He couldn’t finish. Without speaking, she pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled into her neck, and he was crying. His arms wrapped tightly around her, and she suddenly, oddly, felt extraordinarily safe. Ricky was a quiet crier, but she could feel his tears damp on her skin. She blinked slowly, letting her own fall.

“You’re the best thing that’s happened to me this year,” he said, his voice low. “I mean it.”

“Really, really?” And she was pulled back to a thought, a memory, just for a second.

“Of course,” he pulled away, taking her in. “Of course you are.” A tear was snaking its way down her cheek. With his thumb, he brushed it away gently, his knuckles warm against her face. “I’m sorry I made you cry again.” She told him thank you with her eyes, and he smiled.

“Hey, let’s play a game,” she said, collecting herself.  

“A game?” Ricky sniffed. “Right now?”

Gina took his hand. “I think it’ll be good. We can say the best-case scenario that could’ve happened, then the worst-case scenario, and then what you want to happen now.”

“And then?” said Ricky.

“And then we let it go. And we can move on. I think.”

“Hm.”

“What are you thinking?” She played with the fabric of her jumpsuit. “That it’s a bad idea?”

“No, definitely not.” Ricky’s voice was solid. “I was thinking that it’s a good idea, and that you’re really smart. But…can I kiss you again first?” One corner of his lips quirked up.

Gina couldn’t help but smile—and agree. “One kiss,” she said, and he grinned, moving in to plant a short peck on her lips, then another on her cheek.

“That’s it?” her brows furrowed.

Ricky cocked his head at her. “What, that wasn’t what you signed up for?” She rolled her eyes, despite the goosebumps running down her arms.

“Best case scenario!” she reminded him, taking a step back, leaning against the wall again. “You go first.”

“Okay, okay,” said Ricky. Still, he took a step forward, and she didn’t think he even realized.

“Best case scenario, you never would’ve had to move in the first place. We would’ve been hanging out every day still. On opening night, we would’ve celebrated together. And maybe,” he rubbed the side of his neck. “Maybe I would’ve played-you-that-song-I-wrote-about-you. And maybe told you how I felt for sure, and you would’ve told me how you felt. And we would’ve spent last semester actually happy. Together.” He looked proud of his answer, rocking on his heels.

Gina pursed her lips in thought. “What song you wrote about me?” He’d spit out that bit so quickly, but she still heard.

“Anyway, your turn,” Ricky deflected, the tips of his ears red.

Gina shook her head. “I’m gonna ask about it later, don’t worry.” Ricky gave her an innocent smile and she laughed. “My best case scenario would’ve been that I never had to move, too. And all of that stuff you said would have probably happened…but I don’t think I would have told you how I felt first. I think I would’ve just gone with it.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d never told someone I liked them before,” she shrugged. “I was always moving around. And I definitely never liked someone as much as I liked you. I would have waited for you to tell me first, so I’d know for sure.”

“Wow,” said Ricky. A little smirk lingered on his face.

“What?”

He swayed on his feet a little. “You like me. I just feel kinda special, that’s all.”

Gina refrained from rolling her eyes at him again. “I guess this is where I say that you are?”

Ricky took her hand, lacing their fingers together. “You’re special to me, too.”

They stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, before Gina eventually broke the silence. “Worst scenario, your go?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ricky pulled their joined hands up to his lips, kissing her knuckles. Her eyes widened, before relaxing again.

“Worst case scenario, you would have moved back with your mom for real, and continued ghosting me for the rest of your life. And then, I’d be like, devastated every time I saw something that reminded me of you. Like cookies and shiny sneakers and knitted hats. It would make me physically sick. And then, I guess one day I’d just like, die.”

Gina’s face shifted from infatuation to absolute incredulity. “I’m sorry, die?”

“Yeah?” Ricky shrugged, like what he’d just said was normal. “From a broken heart or something. You said worst-case scenario!”

Gina made some kind of unreadable gesture with her fingers, laughing. “You’re insane, actually.”

“Yeah,” Ricky said again. “Insane about you.” He was confident when he’d said it, but at her lack of immediate reaction, winced. “Sorry, too much?”  

She smiled at him. “No, Ricky, that was sweet. I was just thinking…in my worst case scenario, I would’ve stayed, actually.”

"Really?"

“Yeah,” she wrapped one of her braids around her finger, then let it fall. “It would be worse being in the same place as you but not being as close as we were. And then we’d just move on, and not even be friends again or anything, even though we wouldn’t be far apart. Nothing would change. And then eventually, we’d be all grown up, I guess. And I’d just always wonder in the back of my mind what I did wrong to not make things different.” She said this all matter-of-factly, but Ricky frowned.

“You’ve never done anything wrong.”

Gina wasn’t sure why, but her skin buzzed. “You can’t know that.”

“Well, I’m right. So, I do.”

“And how’s that?”

“I’m an expert on all things Gina Porter, duh.” He winked, badly, and Gina lightly slapped his arm, laughing. “Whatever, your turn.”

“What’s the thing again?”

“What you want to happen now. No past, just present.” She squinted. “And future, too, actually.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Ricky shrugged.

Gina’s eyebrow arched. “It is? Then what is it?”

“Come here, I’ll tell you.” He reached for her, feigning seriousness.

“You’re not being serious.”

“Ouch.” He pulled her closer, and she let him.  

“You have five seconds to give a real answer,” she decided.

He wrapped her arms around his neck.  “Are you threatening me, Gi?”

“5…”

“Oh, we’re really doing this.”

“4…”

He took a step forward. “You’re stealing my countdown.” He cupped her cheek with his hand and she giggled despite herself. “That tickles! 3…”

“I was totally being serious though, you just don’t be—”

“2!”

“Hey, hear me out!”

“1!” Gina ended, protesting, but then the air stilled. He was close, too close, and she had to remind herself that she’d have to get used to it. Or maybe she never would. Maybe every time she kissed Ricky Bowen would feel like the first. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be. 

“I just want what you want to happen,” Ricky whispered finally, and leaned in.  

“Ricky?”

“Gina?”

The door came flying open. It was Jet and Kourtney, witnessing what was about to have been their fourth kiss but what looked like their second. Kourtney backed away. “Oh.”

Gina scooted away from him, cheeks pink.

“What were you guys doing?” Jet asked brazenly.

Ricky looked between Jet and Kourtney, studying his friend’s body language. “I could ask you the same, Jet,” he mumbled.

Jet flushed, glancing at Kourtney, whose brows furrowed in confusion. “We came looking for you,” she added. “You disappeared. But I guess I know why…”

Gina bit her lip apologetically. “Talk about it later…?”

Ricky slid an arm around her waist, like it was natural. “I won’t be telling you anything, Jet.”

Jet rolled his eyes. “Sure, you won’t. Want us to close the door back on the way out?”

“Close the door?” Kourtney objected. “No, we’re about to be on the last dance.” She grabbed Gina’s arm, giving Ricky a pointed look. “And none of us are missing it.” Gina grinned, letting Kourt lead her out.

“Kourtney’s always right!” Jet agreed, reaching for Ricky. Gina turned back curiously to watch Ricky shove the younger boy with some kind of knowing look on his face, mouthing, Kourtney’s always right. But she didn’t have too much time to dwell on it—Kourtney had pulled her back into the world of loud music and 70s decorations, a light-filled room.

---

Days later, after a successful opening night (Corbin had called it a perfect Hollywood ending to the most chaotic selection of teenage days he’d ever seen—an emotional sequel to the real HSM films, if you will), hours of packing up all their belongings, and teary goodbyes to the campers they wouldn’t see back at home, Ricky knocked on the door to Gina’s cabin.

He’d seen her through the window sitting on her suitcase, having finally managed to zip it shut. And when she opened the door, she grinned. “Finally got my stuff all packed.”

“That’s good,” he said. He shifted from foot to foot. “Mine’s in the yurt.”  

“Cool,” she nodded. She lingered for a bit before leaning in, planting a short kiss on his lips. When she pulled away, he looked dazed.

“I…um,” he started, then cleared his throat. “I came to ask you something.”

She tilted her head at him. “Yeah?”

“Can I…do you need a ride home?”

Gina opened her mouth to speak, then paused, looking him over. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his hair slightly wet from the pool earlier. His eyes held onto hers. And his smile was crooked, like it was waiting for her response to fully open up. She smiled back.

“Yes.”