Chapter Text
Five
Steve Rogers has always looked like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth.
The key word here is look. Reality is another thing altogether, as Bucky knows.
So he gets away with saying things like “Language!” reprovingly because there is a time and place for swearing and Steve will certainly not swear around little pitchers with ginormous ears and ladies…. well, okay, basically the rule is, not to swear in a situation that would make Sarah Rogers grab him by the ear to wash out his mouth with soap.
Otherwise - and hell, he learned how to swear from his Ma, to be honest - he makes swearing a second, beautiful language in itself. Combined with that face of his, well…
“He’s Irish and he’s still got his roots in Brooklyn,” Bucky explains with a grin, even as he tries to make any and all inappropriate thoughts not so visible on his face.
It’s not fooling Natasha, who slants him a knowing look.
In the meantime, Tony Stark is gleefully recording Steve giving General Ross the dressing down of his life, for the latest attempt to “secure” the Hulk.
“Asking a Brooklynite not to swear is like expecting warm snow to fall from the heavens,” Clint says sagely.
Everyone looks at him. Except for Bucky, who gives him a high five and a “Damn fucking straight.”
Clint spreads his hands. Point made.
A side note - due to certain regulations, the fact that he was really MIA, that he is a Medal of Honor recipient and that he’s still technically U.S. Army, Steve’s rank is….. well, let’s just say he outranks General Ross.
The “Captain” is really just a nickname now.
In the meantime, Tony’s recording somehow ends up on YouTube. #CaptainSwearmerica becomes trending.
Four
“No, really, have you heard of this concept of making sure your shirts fit?” Sam asks with exasperation.
The question is a valid one, being as that they’d just gotten the fifth jogger (this time, this person was apparently male) to run right into a tree while Steve did some stretches.
The stretches made his shirt - to say nothing about the pants - stretch and flex over his muscles (and ass) in interesting ways.
Look, it had taken every ounce of Bucky’s own self-discipline not to run into a tree himself, okay? He’d already had his share of traumatic brain injuries to last several lifetimes, thanks.
“Look, Milo and Bean said they were the right size for me!” Steve said defensively.
“Steve, buddy, they lied. Believe me, they are lying like rugs to you. Barnes, you back me up here!”
“Bwuh?” Look, Steve chose that moment to bend over and if there was one memory that came back quickly, it was the phrase “sweetest ass in Brooklyn”and a man cannot be blamed for his mind short circuiting like that.
Sam rolls his eyes at him while Steve just gives him that typical shit-eating grin that plainly says, Yes, I know you’re thinking filthy thoughts about me and I like it.
Bucky gives him an evil grin in return, promising payback.
Payback was sweet.
Three
Apparently, there was some kind of law in this universe that Steve Rogers will be bittyfied… oh, like, every time the team comes up against a magic-user who is not Wanda Maximoff or Spooky O’Connor.
There was also the Kitten America thing, but that tends to happen on Steve’s own terms now. Bucky’s gotten used to his boyfriend occasionally going cat and deciding to hang out in his hoodie pocket and purr contentedly.
Death by Adorable indeed.
The bitty thing? Okay, so according to Spooky, there was something in Erskine’s serum that protected Steve from the worst of the bitty-fication, which explained why Bucky didn’t need to have heart attacks every time bittyfied Steve so much as took a breath out of place.
“Are you absolutely sure this Doctor Erskine was not a wizard himself?” Wanda asked.
“If that man wasn’t Istari, I’ll eat my hat,” Spooky muttered.
Thor was not helping when he said that Wizard!Erskine was a distinct probability.
But bitty Steve.
So, bitty Steve, unlike his Big Galoot self (who’s just not affected by the alcohol, because serum), has a surprisingly high tolerance for alcohol. Again, Irish.
However, once the drink does hit him, he becomes an octopus.
An octopus determined to cling to Bucky all night long, pressing tiny kisses to his neck and his ear and his shoulder, calling him “my best guy, my fella, my mister, you know I love ya, right Buck?”
The only answer to that is to make sure he had a good handful of the bitty, but still sweet ass, kiss him in return and tell him, Yes, I love you too, baby.
Annoyingly, bitty Steve has no hangovers.
Two
Steve Rogers is never allowed to grow a beard ever again.
“I am not blaming you,” Natasha tells him serenely.
“He has a glorious beard,” Wanda comments brightly.
“And look at that face, I mean, it’s just hard to say no, I guess?” Maria Hill added.
“How did he put it,” Pepper began. “Four in the morning, that look, off with the boxers…?”
“Off with everything!” Darcy squeals gleefully.
“I mean it’s just appropriate payback,“ Natasha picks up the thread again. “Since you like nibbling on him all the time…”
Bucky buries his face in his hands. His face feels like it’s on fire. Also, grabbing a plane and crashing it into the Arctic is now sounding like the greatest of all ideas ever. “Ladies. Please.”
Jane pats him on the arm, “I have just discovered a much better way to deal with beard burn. Now listen carefully…”
One
Steve has a minor speech impediment that only comes out when he’s very, very tired or very, very drunk.
Of course, when he’s big, “tired” is more likely than “drunk.” Still, Bucky’s learned to keep a sharp ear out when Steve starts muttering, “God, I don’t wike it.”
When “like” turns to “wike” - yep, definitely time to drag off his captain and boyfriend off to bed. Even if he doesn’t wike it.
Steve will eventually settle down once Bucky gets them snuggled together in bed and of course, the sweetest thing is when he murmurs, “I wike you, though” just before he finally drops off into sleep.
Bucky presses a soft kiss into his hair and just smiles. “I wike you too, punk.”
- end -
Note: im-the-punk-who and beaniebaneenie are officially responsible for Steve Rogers’ shirts in the Blanket Fort universe.
Milo may also be thanked for Bucky and his occasional use of eyeliner. :P