Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tohru couldn’t believe her luck. She’d been working hard at the same office building to pay for high school, and somehow the right people had noticed, for she’d been offered a job at the Sohma estate, as well as room and board. She was able to move out of her grandfather’s just days after graduation, no longer be a burden to anyone, and be independent just like Mom would like.

It was easy to get lost in the elegant estate, but what a beautiful place to get lost. The interior of the estate was enchanting, with a creek running through it, cherry trees and greenery lining the winding water, and a multitude of gardens no matter where she turned. After she’d been given the tour of the place and her duties she was left mostly to herself. It was a bit lonely, but she was able to visit Arisa and Saki many nights, getting to keep much better hours than the janitor duties she had before. The summer had been a pleasant, if overly warm one, but the well built buildings and landscaping provided plenty of shade as she toted her cleaning supplies from building to building.

“Honda,” she heard her manager call.

She nearly dropped the refuse bag she’d been carrying, she was so shocked to hear her name. “Y-yes?”

“One of our attendants has moved on. I need to ask you to take on some of her duties,” the older woman said. Madam Furukawa was very serious and rarely smiled.

“Of course,” Tohru said with a small bow of her head.

“It is of utmost importance you do not speak of this to anyone.”

“Yes m’am!” she said, making sure she looked as serious as possible.

“You are to take food to building number zero thirteen a few times a day. Leave the tray inside the building in front of a metal door, and remove any empty trays you see. You might need to clean a bit outside the house, but do not attempt to go inside the metal door, is that clear?”

“Yes,” she said with a final deep nod, taking the tray of food that had a metal cover on it.

She wasn’t entirely certain where the building was, but she didn’t want to look spacey. It was a good job, after all, and she didn’t want them to think her inadequate to whatever tasks they gave her.

“Zero thirteen… Zeroooo thirteen…” she murmured to herself. After almost thirty minutes she finally found what she thought was the place. The numbers on the side were faded and hard to read. Unlike most of the other buildings on the estate this little pavilion seemed gray and abandoned.

She peered inside, but there were no lamps and barely any windows to let light in.

There was a small noise, and she could just make out the outline of a figure far behind the metal door. Or was it just a trick of her imagination?

“Hello?” she called, inside, her voice giving the slightest of echoes. “Um… Is this building zero thirteen? I’m supposed to bring food, but the letters outside aren’t very clear and— Oh! I’m Tohru Honda— “

She hastily bowed. “Sorry I didn’t say that, but I want to make sure I’m doing this right. I got lost. There are so many buildings that all look a lot alike, so sorry if you’ve been waiting for your food.”

She saw an abandoned tray of food near the metal door. She inspected the contents and saw a barely touched meal of rice and leeks.

“I have food?” she said, sliding the old tray aside and placing the new one down. “It might be a little cold. I got lost… But next time I won’t, I promise!”

The figure almost imperceptibly moved, verifying there was a person there.

“I’m going to clean in here for a bit, if that’s okay? It’s very dusty, so I hope you don’t have allergies. I’ll try hard not to get too much dust in the air!” she pledged to the unknown figure.

The figure didn’t speak, so she decided to quietly clean and not disturb them further. There was a stale smell to the air as if no one had properly cleaned the place in ages. She had a lot of other duties to see to, and had only been instructed to clean outside the foyer, but it didn’t seem right to leave it like this.

“Um…” she began, and saw the outline of the figure twitch. “I have to go and finish other places, but I’ll be back with breakfast tomorrow and clean this up more.”

The figure said nothing.

“Well, I’m going to take your old tray then…”

And with that she left the run down building, taking the tray and her cleaning supplies with her.

The next morning she was able to find her way much easier than before. She was surprised that the food she’d been given was already cold.

She knocked at the open foyer.

“Good morning?” she called into the house. She heard a small bit of shuffling, but couldn’t see the figure. “I’ve come to deliver your breakfast, and maybe clean a bit more.”

She put down the breakfast tray in front of the door, and removed the cover. It was cold eggs on cold porridge with scallions mixed in. She put the tray cover back over the sad looking meal.

“It looks like they didn’t keep it warm. I’m sorry, I must have been late… I’ll try harder next time!”

She took the cover off the last meal and saw only the rice had been eaten- the leeks were intact and untouched.

“You didn’t eat much of your last meal… I hope you’re okay?” she asked the figure. It didn’t answer. “Well… I’m going to clean a bit more.”

The cobwebs looked as if they’d been there for decades, and there was a pungent sweet smell to the room a bit like decay. It was so dark and sad inside the building, which sat odd with Tohru. The Sohma estate was so beautiful and richly furnished everywhere, with every detail perfectly seen to, all except this old tiny house with the odd metal gate and metal door on the inside.

She cleaned the place as best she could, given the little amount of time she could dedicate to it, then went on to her other duties. After doing much of her duties she arrived at Furakawa’s office to get the next tray of food. It was as tepid as the last meal- some sort of brown rice with leeks and mushrooms, not cold or hot enough for any sort of meal, really. She must’ve been late again.

The breakfast was barely touched, with only some of the eggs eaten. She delivered the meal to the figure, not able to say anything she was so embarrassed to deliver such cold food to whoever they were.

As the days went on, Tohru realized the food was always cold, there was almost never anything like fish or meat in the simple meals, and whoever was eating the food never touched the leeks, onions and scallions always placed in the meals.

After over a week of this, Tohru felt nothing but guilt every time she delivered the meal. The guilt weighed in her so heavily that finally she willed herself to address it.

“Um… Madam Furukawa? Did I arrive late to pick up their food again? Tohru managed to ask the formidable looking lady.

“No. It doesn’t matter what time you get it,” she replied, looking entirely unbothered.

“Oh… But, the food has been very cold each day and I was thinking—”

“You are not paid to think. You just need to deliver food, remove trays, and keep that place from smelling up the rest of the estate. Is that too difficult for you?”

“No Ma’am!” Tohru said, eyes wide before bowing. Despite not wanting to raise the ire of the woman she continued. “And… I don’t think the person there likes onions and leeks. They don’t eat them… Maybe we could—”

“If you want to make different food on your own time with your own money, you can, but the estate won’t waste it’s money on the likes of—” she stopped herself. “That’s all. See to your duties.”

Tohru deeply bowed, took the tray of horrible looking food and threw it out, thoroughly cleaning the tray and bowl, grabbing a few new ones and taking them to her kitchen. No one deserved to eat bad food.

The next morning she went to more trouble with her breakfast than usual. For herself she kept it simple, but for the unknown person in building zero thirteen she wanted to make sure they had a warming meal that would be appetizing and filling. She didn’t know why the person was there all the time— maybe they were sick? They wouldn’t get better on half eaten brown rice, that much she knew. She made sure to leave off any chives, leeks or onions and put a hearty serving of fish, spinach salad, soup and eggs.

“Good morning,” she said with a knock at the door. She heard the unknown figure shift, and the sound of some footfalls. “Um, I hope you don’t mind, but I made you the food myself today…”

They didn’t move or answer.

“And, um… I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but the food is fresh and warm and… And I don’t want you to have to eat cold food, so please… Please try to eat it soon.”

She felt her cheeks color. Maybe she was being rude to do this, or presumptuous.

“Well… I have to go. I hope you enjoy it,” she said with a bow, practically running with the old tray of uneaten food, tripping a bit on the hearth but managing to catch herself before she hit the ground.

At lunch she brought onigiri and miso soup. She checked the tray of food from breakfast and was pleasantly surprised to find it empty of everything- not one grain of rice left.

“Oh! You ate the food,” she squealed out. “I’m so glad! I was worried you might not like it. I noticed you didn’t eat leeks and onions so I tried to not put any in there and…”

She trailed off.

“Sorry, you must not like me talking so much, since you don’t talk back. I mean, maybe you don’t even speak Japanese, or are deaf or just shy— and all of that is okay of course! I can understand being shy or not knowing what to say— I never know what to say…” she said with a shrug. “If you’d like to talk to me, I’d like to hear it— but it’s okay if you don’t want to ta—”

“Why?” came a rough voice.

Tohru let out an ‘Oh!’ in surprise.

The voice that had answered her was male, and rough as if from disuse. It didn’t sound old, though.

“Why what?” she squeaked.

“Why… Why are you feeding me good food…? Talking to me?” The voice sounded sad and defeated.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Her question was met with silence.

“Well… I’m glad you liked the food. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the lunch I made,” she said, trading out the trays.

She made the man in building zero thirteen food three times a day, and three times a day he left an empty tray for her. They continued like this through the months. He almost never spoke. He once said it ‘was okay and he didn’t mind,’ for her to tell her story one time in the fall when she’d apologized if she was boring him. At the beginning of winter he’d said, ‘Hey, I know I’ve never said it… But thanks… For the food, I mean.’ That was it, though. He didn’t talk besides those two times, but never stopped Tohru from speaking to him. She’d tell him little stories of her day, nothing important really, but she noticed his outline would sit still and not move when she did this, so he must have enjoyed the company a bit.

One very cold and wintery day she was delayed and not able to deliver the food until later in the afternoon. The paths were slick with snow that had melted and frozen again, making it treacherous conditions for anyone, but especially treacherous for someone as uncertain on her feet as Tohru.

She’d managed to get to the garden of zero thirteen when she heard voices. The snow and ice made the men’s voices carry and bounce around the snow covered garden. There was the rough plaintive voice of the unknown figure, and another voice. It didn’t sound the same as the unknown figure she’d heard before— it sounded a bit older and more mature.

“Should I go and get you some lunch? It’s quite—”

“No, she’ll come… She always comes... She probably fell or something, though. She’s clumsy. You might need to check on her,” the younger voice of the unknown figure said.

“I can do that.”

“Thanks, Master.”

‘Master’ came out of the house and smiled at her as he went her way. He was a tall handsome man with long brown hair in a low ponytail, wearing a simple dark blue kimono with a black belt.

“Ah, you must be Honda Tohru,” he said with a bow. He had kind eyes.

“Y-yes!” she said, trying to bow her head and nearly dropping her tray, only to have it caught by ‘Master’’s quick reflexes.

“I am Sohma Kazuma , Kyou’s… Sensei.”

“Kyou?” she let out. Kyou… That must be the name of the man she’d been feeding! She blushed when she realized she hadn’t said anything for too long. “Oh! It’s nice to meet you, Sohma Sensei!”

“Kyou tells me your food is very delicious, Miss Honda.”

“Oh no, it’s only… I try, but I don’t know if I’d call it delicious,” she squeaked as they made their way to the inside of the dark house.

“Kyou, Miss Honda is here with your food.”

As usual, Kyou didn’t approach and stayed in the shadows.

“You know, it’s a bit rude to not say anything,” Sensei Kazuma said to the shadow, though he didn’t say it meanly or even with a frown— just said it, the same as one would comment on the weather. Tohru could hear a sound, almost like a cat’s growl from inside the room, but that was all. “Well, I’ll see you in a few days. Kyou.”

Kyou said nothing.

“Sorry I’m late, it was very slippery,” Tohru called out, placing his food in front of the metal door. “It’s so neat you have a Sensei. What does he teach you?”

Kyou didn’t answer.

“Is it… Is it okay if I call you Kyou-san? If not, I understand- only I don’t know any other name for you- but that’s not been a problem in the past, but I can —”

“Just Kyou’s fine…” said Kyou, so quietly she almost missed it. “Or whatever you like. It doesn’t matter.”

“Really?” she asked in wonder.

“I said it, didn’t I?” he said much louder and grumpier than before.

“Ok… Kyou,” she said, a large smile making her eyes almost disappear. She gave a happy little nod to him before heading towards the door only for her foot to hit a piece of ice. She felt her foot slip and slide forward, but hands full of tray she was unable to catch herself as she felt herself fall backwards, tray flying in the air.

But instead of stone hitting her back, or her head knocking on a wooden step, she felt her fall stop. She opened her eyes and was looking at the ceiling, body poised halfway in the air, held there by a pair of arms. Arms? She followed the trail of the arms to the other side of the metal wall and saw a handsome young man panting at her, red-brown eyes wild, and hair orange as a sunset. The hair was long and unkempt, handing down to his shoulders.

“Be careful!” he admonished, somehow straightening her up through the metal… she’d thought it was a metal window of some sort, as it’d been so dark in there, but the metal seemed less like a window as she looked at it and more like bars to a cage. His hands had somehow caught her through the bars and kept her steady. And the bars were thicker than she realized- not flimsy or ornamental. She looked to the side of the door and noticed for the first time a lock.

Something clicked into place for her. The lock on the far side of the door was on the outside. He wasn’t just some hermit in a house, or an invalid who needed privacy. He was so young and he was being locked away in a decrepit house all by himself.

“A lock!” she said nonsensically.

“Huh?” he asked.

“There’s a lock on… the outside.”

“Yeah,” he said with a shrug. He was beautiful, and looked so sad.

“But… Why is there a lock?”

His cheeks colored and he looked to lock and his mouth opened, as if he’d answer, but then he thought better of it, gritted his teeth and fled deeper in the building.

“Kyou—” she called to him, but he didn’t answer.

Not knowing what to think she slowly made her way to her own living quarters. She didn’t have work on Saturdays, but had asked to feed him each day so he wouldn’t have to eat horrid food. It made it harder to have plans with Arisa and Saki at times, but it was worth it to make sure the man— no, Kyou, had real food.

She had thought she was bringing food to someone who was perhaps an invalid- but his grip had been strong as he held her. He had color in his cheeks. And there was a lock! Why was there a lock?

She had a feeling she could not ask anything about it from Madam Furukawa. The one time she’d asked about food, Furukawa had made it clear she had disdain for Kyou, saying the estate wouldn’t ‘waste its funds on the likes of’ Kyou to give him good properly temped food.

There was a lock in the house. She was so stupid not to have realized. He was being caged, and locked in there. How could they do it? How were they getting away with it? And Kyou’s Master— Sensei Kazuma. He’d seemed so nice and gentlemanly, but if he was so nice, how had he let the Sohma estate lock Kyou away.

At dinner she called to Kyou, and unsurprisingly he didn’t answer. She walked around the building and realized it didn’t go very far back. She had never considered that it was just one dark room barred with metal. Most of the building was just the dusty foyer she cleaned. It must have been so cold in there during these winter months. Did he even have a light in there? Did he have enough blankets? Did anyone ever visit him aside from herself and Kyou’s sensei?

They had locked him up.

She couldn’t imagine any man that young being able to cope with being locked into such a small space. Was he ever let out? The next day she bundled up in layers and watched and watched his home, with few breaks. No one aside from herself came or went. Kyou must have been trapped in there.

She cried herself to sleep thinking about how lonely Kyou must have felt, wondering how long he’d been there, thinking on the fierce look on his face.

She did her duties the rest of the week quickly, so she could sit and wait for Sohma Sensei. He was the only one who she’d seen come to Kyou, and maybe he would have answers.

Days passed but finally Sohma Sensei came. She didn’t want to delay Kyou from having company, so waited until their meeting was done. After an hour or so he emerged, looking forlorn.

“S-Sohma Sensei?” Tohro asked as she came from behind a wall. He turned and gave a tired smile.

“Hello Miss Honda.”

“I have something I need to ask you…”

+ +

Chapter Text

A curse.

That’s why they had Kyou locked away.

She talked with Sohma Sensei for at least an hour, asking him question after question.

It sounded crazy and unfathomable. How could anyone look at a baby and say the child was cursed? She tried to understand it— tried to do what her Mom would have her do and put herself in another person’s shoes, look at it a different way— but no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t accept it.

Sohma Sensei wouldn’t tell her how they knew Kyou was cursed, only that they did— and that he and others had very real repercussions they dealt with because of it, repercussions that went far beyond being locked in a cage.

Sensei’s grandfather had been similarly cursed and confined until he died.

Even if the curse was real… How could someone hold a child in their arms and decide to abandon them to decay in a cell?

Sohma Sensei described raising Kyou like his own son, but he’d let them take Kyou away. Tohru couldn’t imagine her mom standing aside as she was locked away— and couldn’t imagine being a parent that would do that either.

“How… ” Unbidden tears were brimming in her eyes. “How could you let Kyou be put in there if you think of him as your son?”

“The head of the family said to do it and so Kyou…” He looked back to Kyou’s prison. “I tried to keep him from doing it… Offered to whisk him away, made plans for where we could escape to, nearly fought the Sohmas with my fists… but I couldn’t keep Kyou from going. I begged and pleaded with him, but the head of the Sohmas, Akito, told him to do it so he willingly went.”

Tohru shook her head in disbelief. She’d seen the wild stubborn looking Kyou for just a moment, but she couldn’t imagine someone as fiery as him quietly going into a confinement like that.

“You must understand that anyone with the Sohma curse is compelled to obey the head of the family. To them the head is like a god. It’s a bond, something like love, but… Twisted and rotten, filled with fear and obedience. It’s a deep blood bond that has lasted centuries. When the cursed met Akito for the first time most would weep. One foul word from their god can maim them emotionally. Only the cursed can truly understand it. As much grit as Kyou has… he was unable to resist the commands of his ‘god.’ The bond of the curse was too strong.”

“He willingly walked in there,” Tohru said, more to herself.

Sohma Sensei nodded. He didn’t show much emotion in his face— it was a mask of calmness— but his eyes… They told of deep anguish. His eyes looked so much older than the rest of him.

A curse sounded too fantastical, but somehow she couldn’t dismiss it after hearing Sohma Sensei describe it. She could feel the truth in his words.

“You said the cursed live with repercussions,” Tohru said, trying to process what all she’d heard. “What are the other repercussions of the curse?”

“There are many… Kyou has the heaviest burden of it, but… I feel it’s best if you learn these from him. I can’t break his trust… He’s so filled with fear and—” He looked away from her. “He’s not well these days.”

“But, can...." she began, voice unsteady. "Can the curse be broken?"

His eyes went wide, and his gaze slowly turned towards her.

She shut her eyes and felt her face begin to burn, knowing she must have overstepped herself.

“Despite being part of the ‘inside family,’” he began, “I know next to nothing. There is little written nor much known about the curse at all- let alone how to break it— but the curse itself relates to the bond between the cursed and the head of the house.”

She looked to her feet as she contemplated all she’d been told.

“But…” she whispered. “But the head of the house… Akito. How do they show such power over Kyou when they never even see him?”

“I’m sorry… I wish I had more answers. If I did Kyou would not be confined… None of them would.”

“Are the others in cages too?”

“No… No, they live within the interior compound together, but are never allowed to leave.”

She couldn’t stop the tears from flooding down her cheeks then.

It was wrong. So savagely horribly wrong.

She knew she would be in over her head. She knew it would take every bit of strength she had to overcome something so huge, but...

“I don’t know how…" she said, wiping her eyes. "But I want to break the Sohma curse.”

She expected Sohma Sensei to laugh at her for her presumption, but he didn’t. He instead looked at her with something like warmth.

“I believe you,” he said quietly.

Researching the curse was far beyond her meager academic skills. Even if she had the skills, she would never have access to something kept secret by a family as powerful as the Sohmas. There were some aspects of the curse she understood without needing to research.

She understood what the close bond of love could be like. She’d had a wonderful bond with her mother, and of course still had her best friends Arisa and Saki. Sohma Sensei had said the curse was like a twisted love where the cursed were compelled to do anything for someone else. She understood that feeling to a certain extent. She’d only seen the best of a close love, though.

It was hard to think about love turning into anything as sickening as the curse he’d described... Love had always been something to cherish and warm her— How could something like that be used to torture others? She’d been treated with indifference and unkindness in her life— this was part of why moving out of her Grandfather’s had been easy for her— but what the Cursed dealt with? And especially Kyou… It was something she would never be able to understand.

What made it all the worse was how lonely she knew it had to be for them all. She knew loneliness. She knew watching others and longing with every bit of her heart to belong.

Kyou had to feel like that with the family— always despised and never included. And the other cursed members of the family had to feel that way with the outside world too, she imagined— being locked away from everyone, never able to live their own lives and connect with others. She wasn’t sure how to reach out to the other Sohma family, but she could at least help Kyou.

She felt faint as she went to her little apartment. Days of staying in the cold with her rather thin coat had made her catch a slight fever.

She went to her mother's shrine, and stared at the smiling photograph.

"Mom... What should I do?"

She wasn't as brave and amazing as her mother... She wasn’t smart or tough… She didn’t have anything at all special about her to help… But she had friends as amazing as her mom.

She called Arisa and Saki and the three friends met. She couldn’t explain the details of it— and kept Kyou’s imprisonment and curse a secret— but she was able to tell them enough to help her hatch a plan or sorts to begin helping Kyou.

“I’ve made a friend, and it’s incredibly important we unlock a door for him…”

A few days later Tohru mentioned to Madam Furukawa a stench coming from building zero thirteen.

“I think I need to clean beyond the metal door, if that’s okay,” she said, doing everything in her power to keep her face placid.

“I’m not surprised, given what— who lives there,” the older woman said with a small scoff. Tohru schooled her brows not to twitch. The woman found a metal safe and opened it before producing an old key. “Here you are. You can return it Monday. Do not touch the man who lives there, and if anything… unusual happens do not tell a soul beside myself or you’ll lose your position. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Madam Furukawa,” she said with a bow. The key was older and heavier than she had anticipated.

As soon as she was clear of Madam Furuwaka’s building, she scurried to the outer wall and quickly as she could.

Saki was waiting for her, all in black with a black umbrella and large purple scarf up to her nose.

“Hana-chan! You came!” Tohru squeaked, trying to keep her tone low, but she’d never done something so forbidden. The thought that she could help Kyou… she felt it thrum through her with such intensity she couldn’t describe it.

“Tohru-kun,” she answered in her usual even tone. “Your waves are very… Excited.”

“Oh! Well, yes, I guess,” Tohru said, fishing the heavy key out of her pocket. “I mean, we might get to help my friend.”

“Yes… Your friend,” she said quietly, taking the key. “One of us will be here by noon tomorrow to let you know how it went.”

She continued to stand and stare at Tohru.

“Are you feeling well, Tohru?”

“Oh, yes, never better!” Tohru said, waving her arms. “Thank you so much for your help, but I really need to get back to cleaning!”

She brought Kyou’s breakfast and a grey cat jumped from behind the bars giving her a small fright. It wasn’t unusual. The stray cats of the area frequently visited his place.

She wasn’t sure why they would— Kyou never seemed particularly cuddly towards them. She’d seen twigs thrown their way as he growled and huffed at them through his bars a few times over the months.

“I was thinking,” Tohru said, putting the breakfast tray in front of the bars. “It might be nice to bring some more light in here… I’ll bring one of my lamps from my room, if that’s okay?”

Kyou let out a sigh. He usually didn’t answer questions.

“Don’t bother. There’s no electricity.”

Tohru bristled at this information- another tally of Akito’s wrongs in her head- but she did her level best to keep her tone light. He had enough darkness in his life- he didn’t need her bringing in anger on his behalf. She also didn’t want to give him false hope, so didn’t mention her plans.

“Are you ok?” Kyou suddenly asked.

“Eep!” Tohru shrieked, brought out of her thoughts. She must have been standing there a while for him to speak to her twice in one visit! Then another realization struck her- he had come into the light and she could see him, coppery hair brushing his shoulders, red brown eyes boring into her. As if noticing their proximity for the first time too, he immediately began backing away.

“Oh no, sorry! You don’t have to go!” she said with an outstretched hand. “And I didn’t mean to scream, or worry you… I was just thinking.”

Kyou nodded, then retreated back into his room hidden in the shadows.

As she cleaned around the estate Tohru fought off waves of dizziness, feeling the fever growing in intensity.

That night she put a cool cloth on her head, determined not to let the next day’s plans be interrupted. When she woke the fever was still present but not nearly as intense. Perhaps it might have broken! Either way, it wasn’t enough to interrupt her chores, and nothing short of a coma could keep her from continuing her plan to help Kyou.

Noon finally arrived and with it Arisa, holding an envelope.

"You were able to make a copy?" Tohru asked, breath leaving a fog in the air.

“Yeah I did, but it wasn't easy,” Arisa said with a dramatic sigh. “Where the hell did you find that key, Tohru? It had to be hundreds of years old! We had to find a metal worker to make a copy.”

“I’m so sorry, Uo-chan,” Tohru said with a bow. A metal worker on short notice... That sounded expensive. “I didn't think. I’ll pay you back.”

“Naw, it’s fine. A friend owed me so it worked out,” she said. Arisa’s tone was light, but her expression was a touch sad. “Didn't cost me anything.”

“Either way, you and Hana-chan, and your friend went to so much trouble for me, and I’ll make sure to pay you back for it.”

Arisa gave her a kind smile. “Tohru, we don’t mind helping you. Ever.”

Tohru blushed and looked down, feeling so grateful for her friends. She could feel tears wanting to come to the surface, but she didn’t dare let them.

“I need to get back to work, but thank you so much,” she said, hugging the key to her chest.

She warmed up a meal with brothy fish stew, one of Kyou’s favorites, and brought an extra blanket and candle. She’d have to find some sort of lamp later.

“Kyou?” she called as she came in. She could barely contain her glee as she put down his tray.

“I have a surprise!” she announced, before putting her hands over her mouth to stop herself from being too loud. She could just see his outline, and was certain she had his attention. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the envelope. “Tadaaaa!”

He didn’t do or say anything for a long time.

“Is that why you were so weird yesterday?”

“Weird?” she asked, feeling embarrassment making her stomach quiver. He’d noticed something was off with her?

“Yeah— because of what’s in the envelope?” he asked in a nonplussed manner.

“Oh! Yes!” She blushed, dropping her arm. She opened it and raised the key aloft. “It’s a key to your door!”

“W-what?”

“See?” she said, bringing it towards the door. She put her face between the metal bars to see him. Maybe he’d even smile.

“Why? Why would you do something like that?” he hissed, lip curing into a frown. Far from excited she could hear his voice trembling in fear. “Do they— if they find out you stole— You shouldn’t have done that!”

“I got the key to …” Free you. She could hear Kyou’s breaths become more rapid. She had hoped he’d be excited to get a taste of freedom… but she could now see the toll Akito’s sentence had taken on Kyou. Whatever fire kept him going, it wouldn’t extend to embracing freedom. Not yet.

“I got the key to…” Let you out of your Prison. Cell. Cage. “To clean your place.”

“I can’t leave!” Kyou cried out. “And you can’t come in here!”

His breaths came in sharp bursts.

“Madam Furukawa gave me the key herself,” Tohru told him gently. She’d tell him about the copy later. She didn’t like keeping her plans secret… but Kyou had looked terrified at the thought of the door being opened. This would be a lot slower than she’d hoped. “We won’t get in trouble. I have permission to go in and clean.”

She wished she could take his hand and let him know he wasn’t alone… maybe one day she. Of lead him outside. The sun was shining and the bitter cold of the days before had subsided to a pleasant invigorating cold. She could bundle him up and bring him into the light, their breaths could commingle… It was heartbreaking how something so simple was beyond them.

“You… You shouldn’t come in here,” he said, voice shaking.

“I’ll be really quick. You won’t even notice me,” she said, trying to temper her cheer and not overwhelm him.

He was silent for a long time.

“Kyou?” she gently called.

“It’s dark…” he said. After a long pause she heard the sound of feet shuffling. “So you’d have to be careful.”

“I will!” she chirped.

“If you trip, I’m not going to catch you,” he warned, voice coming from the far side of the room.

“Sounds good!”

He gave something between a huff and a sigh then said, “Okay then… You can come in…”

She was unable to keep her smile at bay.

This conversation had been the most Kyou had ever spoken to her. Even if his words sounded callous, there was a warmth to his voice. She could tell there was kindness there, behind the fear, sadness and bite.

The key seemed to weigh more than before as she raised it to the lock. The lock was large and simple, as was the key with its straight forward metal having few grooves in it.

She closed her eyes as she turned the key, hoping the copy would work. If it didn’t she’d have to borrow the original again. Asking for permission would draw attention, and the last thing she wanted was for Madam Furukawa to become suspicious.

‘Please work,’ she thought to herself. So much depended on this one moment.

She turned the key and with a shriek of metal on metal and a heavy metallic clank, it twisted in the lock. She pulled down on the lock and it opened.

‘Oh, Mom! It worked!’

Her eyes had trouble adjusting to the dark room. It was simply furnished, a small desk, chair, wall hook and a single shelf that had a few books. The mattress on the ground looked threadbear, and the bathroom was not much more than a hole in the ground with a leaking hose beside it, seemingly for Kyou to bathe with.

He sat perched on the desk, back to the corner. His eyes almost seemed to glow a bit in the dark, but she knew that was silly.

“I’ll start…” she looked about. There was hardly a place to start or finish; it was so small and tight. She pointed to the side of the room with the bed, farthest from Kyou. “I’ll start over there.”

As her eyes adjusted she could see him better in each glance. He was taller than her by a lot, and just as handsome as the first time she’d seen him. He had what looked like a blanket from the bed draped around his wide shoulders like a cape.

Her head pounded in pain each time she leaned over to swipe the floor, but she wasn’t going to stop now.

Slowly she made her way to Kyou’s side of the room, and she could see him stiffly pull his legs towards himself, resting his arms on his knees. A red and white bracelet on his wrist glinted light from the one window.

As she went about with her dust cloth, she discovered the place was rather clean, considering what little he could do to clean it. There was a fine layer of dust and dirt on it, but otherwise there was no mess for her to tidy. There was nothing under the bed except a pair of plastic house slippers and a small box of his sparse clothing, all neatly folded.

“You keep things very clean in here,” she noted.

He gave a snort, a finger running along the table and a layer of dust coating his finger tip.

“I mean, you keep your belongings tidy.”

He stayed silent, eyes surveying her cautiously from behind his arm.

“My Mom was always messy. She’d leave things everywhere, and then the next day she’d go crazy trying to find the keys or her wallet or her missing shoe.”

He listened as she went on about her mother for a long time, telling of their days after school and how her mother would embrace her. He never interrupted.

“Sometimes I even miss her mess… She died about three and a half years ago now,” she said, smiling despite how much it hurt.

“I’m…” he said from behind his arm. His eyes were closed tight, brows scrunched together. "I’m sorry."

“Oh no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you! I’m okay! I really am. I have my friends and my grandfather, this job, and—” she braved herself. “And I get to talk to you too.”

She heard his breath catch. She looked down at the now clean floor, not wanting to see the weirded out disdain he must have on his face, but she couldn’t help the words that spilled from her.

“It's nice when I'm lonely, knowing I'll get to come and someone sees me, knows I'm here and alive and will listen to me... It's nice to have you there... Even if you don't talk much... I know I probably drive you crazy talking so much about things and people you don't know, and I don’t want to be a bother to you, but— ”

“You’re not a bother,” he said in a soft voice. His words came out slowly, hesitant and unsure. She was reminded of a story her mother had read to her when she was little. There was a skittish animal-- a fox-- wanting to become tame, but afraid because it knew its heart could be broken if it were to connect with a human. He had that same untamed air to him. The effect was even greater with his wild orange hair spilling to his shoulders.

“You can talk to me… I’ll listen... ” he said behind his arm, eyes trained on the window slid to hers. “I’ll see you.”

Her breath hitched and she could feel her cheeks warming.

“That’s very nice to hear,” she quietly replied, feeling the room tilt a tiny bit to the side, whether from fever or excitement at hearing him say this, she wasn't sure. There was something warming as an embrace as she stared into his eyes. His intense stare didn’t leave her face. She felt seen by him in a way she rarely did anymore.

Maids were to do their tasks in anonymity and she had no friends within the compound, being so much younger than the others and a relative newcomer. If it weren’t for her occasional visits with Arisa and Saki she really would be alone. Her grandfather was kind but they rarely connected much.

With Kyou, even though they’d rarely spoken, he made something spark in her— something she’d thought had gone out when her Mom died. She wasn’t sure what that spark was, but she felt it all the way to her toes.

Kyou’s stomach made a small noise, and she jolted upright.

“Oh! Your food! We almost forgot it!”

She scurried out of the room and brought the tray to Kyou, broadly smiling as she held it out in display. “I made fish stew with rice. I hope you like it.”

“I bet I will.”

She saw something so lovely her breath caught again. It was tiny, almost not there at all, but she saw it— a quiet shy smile on his face as he looked at her, eyes soft. He looked so different when he smiled.

“Oh…” she let out, quiet as the coo of a dove

“You okay?” Kyou asked.

“I just—” The room tilted a bit more to the side and Tohru knees buckled and she fell forward. Kyou’s stew spilled on the ground. Kyou’s arms went out to catch her, but she was so close that she bodily fell into his solid chest.

A moment later she heard a loud pop and fell further. Dazedly she looked around as orange smoke surrounded her. “Wha???”

Just under her stomach sat an orange cat, hair the same color as Kyou’s. It wriggled and sprang away from her… and left Kyou’s clothing under her too.

“Dammit!” the cat cursed.

The cat cursed? Was it her fever or had Kyou’s voice just come out of the cat? But that… that would be impossible. Wouldn’t it?

‘The cursed have repercussions that go far beyond being locked in a cage,’ Sohma Sensei had said.

“Kyou?” she blearily asked the cat. Its eyes went wide before Tohru’s vision went dark.

Chapter Text

Tohru woke slowly. She was in a comfortable bed with a blanket over her.

She blinked and stared at the white unfamiliar ceiling. 

Wait, where was she?!

She sat up but immediately felt dizzy and nearly toppled backwards.

“You shouldn’t sit up so quickly. Please be careful,” came a low toned voice. A gentle but firm hand steadied her. She blearily looked to her side and saw a tall handsome man with black hair falling into his eyes.

“Um… I’m sorry, but where am I?” she asked, then another thought hit her, even more important. “Where’s Kyou? Is he okay? I think I fell on top of him and he’s just—”

A cat. 

He’d been a cat. She was nearly certain of it. Her fever had been so strong and… 

“He’s just what?” the man asked, tone formal and forbidding. 

“Nothing… Never mind,” she said, looking away from his cold expression. “Um… But is Kyou okay?”

“He’s fine,” the man answered, producing a thermometer and putting it in her mouth. “And to answer your other question, you are still on the Sohma estate. You passed out from dehydration, most likely from overexerting yourself with this fever.”

She held the cold thermometer in her mouth, thoughts slowly falling into place.

“I’m Doctor Hatori Sohma,” he said with a nod, taking the thermometer when it gave a beep. “And you still have a fever. I recommend bed rest for at least a day and plenty of fluids.”

“I’m sorry… But I need to check on Kyou. And his food. It fell when I— and no one else brings it to him, so he must be hungry and—”

“You can’t make the journey to his place in your condition.”

“Please! I need… It’s important. If I don’t, no one else will!” she cried out, surprised at how loud she allowed herself to be. 

“Someone can take over for your duties,” the doctor curtly assured her, looking mildly irritated.

He didn’t understand. For all she knew he was one of the people keeping Kyou under lock and key, but he had to understand. “No! They… They didn’t feed him right, and he needs—”

“I’ll do it,” came a young woman’s voice from the hall. She lingered in the doorway, pressed against the door jamb. Much of her face was obscured, but her long brown hair framed large gray eyes.

“Kagura, you know very well that Akito won’t allow it.”

“Well… Akito doesn’t have to know, does he?” she asked, looking down at her feet. “And then… Then I’d get to see Kyou-kun.”

The doctor gave a sigh. 

“Don’t go to the kitchens,” he said shortly. Kagura looked down disappointed, then he added, “you’ll get too much attention if you go there. I have a bento in my fridge you can bring him. Just be quick and quiet. Do not throw one of your fits.”

Kagura’s expression changed from shy to fierce so quickly Tohru inched back a bit. The young woman took up the doorway with a rooted stance and fire in her eyes. 

“I wouldn’t do that!” she snapped at Doctor Sohma. “Not if it could get Kyou in trouble!”

“The consequences would be steep for you too,” he warned her. 

“I don’t care,” Kagura assured him, staring at the floor.

“Then be careful,” he said in a soft tone Tohru would not have imagined possible. “If not for yourself, then be careful for Kyou.”

She looked up and gave a glare at Tohru of all people, then fled the room. 

“I’m sorry about that… Kagura is very passionate,” he apologized, timbre back formal and monotone. “Now you will rest. As I understand it, the servants quarters are very far from here, Miss Honda. I’d prefer you stay here in the family infirmary instead of traveling all the way back to your room. Getting you here in the cold was more than enough of a shock to your system. We can keep you in comfort and I can make sure your fever does not get worse.”

Tohru looked to her lap and nervously pulled at her fingers.

“Thank you,” she said, unable to look up. 

“As a doctor, it’s my duty.”

“No. I’m not just thanking you for that,” she said, eyes fixed on the cracked cuticle of her index finger. “I’m thanking you for helping Kyou. I thought none of the Sohmas would be willing to help him.”

He watched her for a long time.

“You know,” he said in a grim tone. 

She didn’t know what it was about this statement that made her insides feel numb. She became suddenly nervous and looked up into his cold stare. He had fathomless eyes. They looked black at first, but as the light caught them she could see they were a deep chilled purple.

“I-I—” Tohru nervously said, backing up into her bed.

“Stop scaring her, Tori,” came another voice, this one with an odd accent she was certain she’d heard somewhere before. She looked to the door and saw another beautiful young man. He was blonde with limpid brown eyes. In moments he was seated next to her bed and patting her hand as she looked on, too fevered and stunned by the introduction of so many people in a short time.

“I’m Momiji Sohma. Don’t worry, I won’t let mean old Hatori do anything to you, Miss Honda. Or can I call you Tohru? That’s what Kyou gets to call you, and if the cat gets to then I should be able to as well, don’t you think?”

“Momiji,” Hatori began.

“What? You said she knows! So what does it matter?” he said, putting his aristocratic nose in the air. “It’s not like she’s someone on the street finding out. She already works here, so you don’t have to get so in deinen eigenen arsch and acting like you’ll erase—”

“Momiji! That is not for you to decide,” Hatori said. 

“But Toooriiii, why can’t I have a new friend? You always do this and—”

The longer she watched the two the less she felt ill at ease. Hatori’s put upon sighs and inability to control anyone, alongside Momiji sticking his tongue out and bouncing about excitedly while whining and teasing Hatori, both brought a smile to her face. She even let a laugh escape at their antics.

“There,” Momiji said softly, smiling. “I imagine that’s why Kyou would take such a risk for you.”

“A risk?” Tohru asked. Worry flared through her, and she tried to rise from the bed again. “What did he do? Is Kyou ok? I should go—”

“No,” both Momiji and Hatori said, gently pushing her back into the bed. 

“Kyou is fine,” Hatori assured her, his tone sounding less cold to her. He fluffed the pillow up behind her so that she could sit against it comfortably. She could see his kindness in how he treated Momiji and Kagura, and now her. Perhaps he only seemed cold. 

Kyou was the same way… It was like they were protecting themselves by putting up walls, trying to hide the very thing that made them special — never letting anyone see their true selves. 

“Rest,” said Hatori. Yes, he definitely seemed much warmer now. “Now that you’re awake you need to eat, hydrate and take some medicine. I’ll be back shortly with your medicine.”

Tohru allowed herself to relax into the pillow as he left and Momiji lightly bounced his leg.

“Um… Momiji-san. You said Kyou took a risk for me… I know Doctor Sohma says that he’s fine, but…”

Momiji gave a quiet contemplative sort of smile she wouldn’t think was natural for someone so hyper and extraverted.

“You care about him a lot,” said Momiji.

Tohru didn’t dare agree out loud. “Please…  I need to know what happened to him.”

“As Kyou explained it, you passed out on him and he transformed. He couldn’t wake you, so he pushed through the bars as the cat and ran here to get Hatori.”

“So it was real!” she exclaimed. “He is a cat! It wasn’t a fever dream!”

“Whaaat? Wait! I thought you knew!”

“Sohma Sensei told me some about the curse — mostly just about the god and the bond. He said that the Cursed had repercussions beyond the bond, but he didn’t say what they were! He said I’d have to find out from Kyou, but Kyou hadn’t told me anything.”

“He’s not much of a talker, Kyou,” Momiji agreed with a smile. 

“I don’t understand though. Why did he turn into a cat?” Tohru’s fevered mind began to race. 

He turned into a cat. An actual cat! What could life be like for someone who had this sort of secret? Had he always had to avoid people? 

“Is it when he touches anyone?” Tohru asked. “Is that why he was hiding in the corner when I came into his room? But wait, it can’t be any touch, because he’s held me before and didn’t turn into a cat.”

Momiji’s eyebrows disappeared into his hair. “He has held you?”

“I mean, kind of. He caught me when I slipped the other day. He caught me through the bars… I guess touch can’t be it.”

The blonde young man looked contemplative. 

“So… You don’t know the ins and outs of the curse yet.”

“No, not ye—”

Suddenly he leaned forward and embraced her. She let out an ‘eep!’ of shock, then there came a great popping noise and then she was surrounded by yellow smoke. 

In her lap sat a rabbit with hair the exact same shade as Momiji’s, its brown eyes looking into hers intensely. Momiji’s clothes draped from the chair to her bed, empty. 

Tohru let out an exclamation that Momiji quieted with a velvet soft paw to her lips.

“We transform when we embrace the opposite sex!” he announced, giving a small hop. “We also sometimes transform when we’re sick, weak or going through a lot, but any time there is an embrace, this happens.”

His elated hopping slowed.

“So you see, it was a great risk for Kyou. The cat is forbidden from leaving his room, and he could have transformed into a naked human in the middle of winter too. If Akito had found out, Kyou could have…”

“Kyou could have what?”

His expression went oddly blank. 

“You don’t want to make Akito mad… Akito could have been angry and done something… He’s done things before to the zodiac members…”

Momiji became quiet and still, a far off look in his eyes.

“Zodiac?”

Momiji blinked and seemed to come back to the present.

“We’re all animals of the zodiac,  and Kyou is the cat. You might have heard the children’s story.”

Tohru excitedly nodded in understanding. “My mom told me.”

Momiji nodded too before his eyes went wide, “Oh no, I think—”

With another cloud of yellow the light weight of the rabbit increased ten fold and she felt crushed as the smoke cleared and she was holding a naked teenage boy.

She let out a small scream and covered her eyes. She could hear Momiji embarrassedly laugh as he gathered his clothes and dressed.

“I’m dressed now,” he assured her, and she lowered her hands. “Sorry. We never quite know how long we’ll stay in our animal forms. So… Now you know. You’ve met three zodiac members this afternoon. And you already know Kyou, so that’s four!”

She nodded. “Is Kyou okay after traveling in the snow?”

“Well he had a fur coat on at the time,” Momiji teased, but seeing how serious she was, he sobered. “He was very upset. I’ve never seen him look so shaken. He was yelling at Hatori to hurry up, and almost crying and—”

“But I was okay. It was just a little faint.”

“If that was you finding out he was the cat, it makes sense. Zodiac members…”  Momiji looked to her, then away. “We have to keep our distance from people all the time so we don't accidentally transform. Everyone of the opposite sex. Even with our own parents.”

Tohru let out a gasp at the implications, how difficult that would be for families. 

“Even when you’re little?”

“When we’re born we are born two months early. That is quite a shock of course, but when our mother gets to hold her tiny newborn, instead of holding a baby boy it transforms into an animal. And fathers given their daughter see their beautiful little baby girl turn into a wriggling animal…”

“Is that why Sohma Sensei adopted Kyou?”

Momiji nodded.

“A parent acts one of two ways— they protect their child and embrace it, or break down and reject their child. It’s not always immediate… Sometimes it takes years for them to finally do it… Kyou’s birth parents… Yes that is the reason Kaza had to adopt him. Plus he is the cat. That comes with so many other issues. He was upset for your safety, but I imagine he was just as afraid he could lose you.”

Tohru felt her chin begin to wobble as tears welled in her eyes. The zodiac members she had met all held a sadness in them. Hatori’s walls, Kagura’s shyness and uncertainty, and even Momiji… She could see it as he looked away and described parents. 

In some ways she could see herself in him— attitude so upbeat, but fragile. Smiles that kept you going through everything, and kept people from seeing how much pain you had. 

Then there was Kyou. He had up so many walls and then had a prison keeping him in place too. He’d lost everything. His parents. His freedom. 

“Momiji. I need to see Kyou—”

“But Hatori said—”

“I don’t care,” Tohru declared. “He needs to know he won’t lose someone else.”

The blonde watched her and a wise look overcame him. He suddenly looked decades older. “Kyou is very lucky.”

“Lucky?” she asked, baffled. How could anyone think Kyou lucky when he had been condemned from birth to rejection and imprisonment?

His gaze didn’t seem to meet hers, minds eye obviously far away from her.

“Hnnn,” he finally said, putting a finger to his chin. In seconds his expression shifted back to the silly rabbit. “Yes! I think I have a way for you to visit, but you can’t until tonight.”

“Oh! Okay… Why not—?”

“It’s a secret!” he said with a small smile before bounding out of the room. 

Chapter Text

Torhru watched the courtyard until there were no passing bodies. The evening air was frigid and sharp, cutting through the nightdress she’d been given.

“Tohru?” She heard Momiji’s voice whisper from behind the door.

She pattered over and opened it to Momiji and a very tall young man— or she thought he was young? His hair was mostly white on top. He had on a lot of jewelry and looked… well, cool. In his arms was a sheet and an oversized crossbody bag.

“Hi,” he said. He didn’t say anything else.

“Hello,” she replied nervously.

“So are we gonna hug now or later?”

“Oh! Uhhhh,” Tohru let out, nervously waving her arms in front of her.

“Let me tell her the plan first, Hatsuharu!” Momiji chastised. “This is Haru. He is the Ox.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Tohru said with a small bow, though doing it made her fevered head feel dizzy.

“Nice to meet you too, Miss Honda,” he said. Despite his severe style choices he seemed to have a kind way of speaking. “Here, sit down.”

“Thanks,” she whimpered.

Momiji watched her with concern before closing his eyes. “Right.”

He explained the plan to her quickly. She would transform both Momiji and Hatsuharu. Momiji would bound ahead as lookout, and Hatsuharu would carry a bundled up Tohru, as well as their clothing. Tohru profusely thanked them. As much as she wanted to refuse them going to such trouble, she knew it was worth it to assure Kyou.

Momiji opened the bag and produced a long expensive-looking coat to swathe Tohru in. The thick coat comfortingly warmed her more thoroughly than any coat she’d worn in years. She stroked the material a moment before trying to take it off.

“Oh no, this is too nice!” she said, struggling to get it off.

“Non-sense, you are sick!” Momiji said. “You won’t be able to get better and see Kyou if aren’t kept toasty warm! Plus it’s a coat I don’t fit into anymore. It’s just been sitting in my closet for two years waiting for someone to wear it! I’m sure it’s been lonely.”

“Well… Alright, I guess. I’ll make sure nothing happens to it.”

“It’s just a coat, Tohru,” he said with a warm smile. She smiled back, but the coat didn’t feel as comfortingly warm.

She’d have to work for months to afford something so nice. She remembered having a coat like it when she was young. Back before it was just her and her mom. She’d been about four and her father had bought it for her. She’d worn it until she couldn’t fit into it anymore. All her coats since then had been thin and not quite enough to keep the most biting of cold winds away.

She turned around and saw a shirtless Haru’s back. Her head tilted sideways in confusion until he dropped his trousers and underwear to the ground. She let out a yelp and quickly turned away.

“Oh, sorry. I don’t want to rip my clothes,” Haru said vaguely. “I’ll put the sheet on before we hug.”

Beet red, Tohru nodded, not daring to turn around.

She closed her eyes when it was time to hug him, even though he was fully covered from what she could feel. There was a loud popping sound and then the breeze of smoke brushed her cheeks. She opened her eyes to see a black and white ox staring at her.

“Can you put my clothes and sheet in the bag?”

Tohru quickly complied, gathering his clothing, heavy with leather and chains. Momiji put the strap of the bag around Haru’s neck before hugging Tohru and becoming a rabbit. She gathered his clothing and put it into the bag as well as a sheet and a candle so they could see once in Kyou’s dark cage.

“Follow me!” the little rabbit cried out before darting out the door. Tohru held tight to Haru’s large neck as he lumbered forth. There were small flakes falling from the sky that landed on her cheek, but she didn’t dare brush them away. She was so clumsy she was sure she’d fall if she let go of the ox’s neck for even a moment.

Momiji’s plan worked well. He’d bounce ahead and disappear behind a building, then bound back, leaping onto Haru’s back to embrace Tohru so he’d remain a rabbit. It was almost fun until they reached the steep stone stairs to Kyo’s house.

“I’ll check ahead,” Momiji said, hopping up the stairs at a quick pace.

The path was a touch precarious in daylight— but at night with an icy breeze and errant snowflakes it felt plain treacherous. Haru’s footing stayed true though, and the powerful ox was able to heft Tohru all the way to Kyou’s dark courtyard.

When they reached the top of the steps she could hear Kyou’s voice pouncing through the cold air, the words muffled. She lowered herself from Haru and entered the Cat’s room, unlit candle in hand. It was very dark, but by the moonlight she could see Kyou had Momiji by the scruff of his neck, a fierce look on his face.

“Are you joking?” Kyou yelled. “She should be in bed! What were you thinking, letting her come here!”

“She wanted to!” the rabbit replied, little eyes crinkling into a smiling squint.

“I don’t care, you stupid rabbit! You can’t put her at risk! Not for me.”

“Kyou?” Tohru asked.

His eyes went wide and he immediately dropped the rabbit as he looked upon her.

“Tohru…”

She’d never heard him say her name before. She felt alight and cozy and squirmy all at once. His eyes were soft and he immediately went to the metal bars.

“Are you alright?” she and Kyou said at the same time.

“Me? You’re the one who passed out!” he exclaimed. “You need to get out of here!”

He turned to Momiji. “Does… Does the family know about her finding out?”

“Only us, Kagura, Haru and Hatori,” Momiji reported.

Kyou sighed and with it his whole posture crumpled. “Is Hatori going to tell Akito?”

“I don’t think so,” Momiji said, looking at Tohru with wide eyes. “I hope not, at least…”

Through the conversation Tohru busied herself with lighting the small candle and putting it on the small box in front of his bars.

Kyou turned his gaze back to Tohru. “You shouldn’t have come here.”

“I had to see you!” she blurted, nearly touching the bars with her face.

He stared at her. “Why?”

“Because, I’m going to keep coming to you. Every day. And I wanted you to know that. To know I want to be your friend.”

Momiji suddenly bounded up to Tohru and hugged her. His little rabbit ears drooped low. “I’ll leave you and keep watch.”

Kyou’s eyes were wide, and maybe it was a trick of the firelight, but the pupils almost looked like slits.

“I’m so sorry I fell on you,” Tohru apologized. “You tried so hard to keep your distance, and I messed it up, but I’ll make it up to you every day, I swear!”

“Don’t be stupid,” he whispered. “I’m a monster. Now that you know I’m not human you shouldn’t come here any—”

“I don’t care that you turn into a cat!” she fiercely stated, putting her hands on the bars. “When my mom would tell me the story about the zodiac and the feast, I always loved the cat. I even said I wanted to be a cat.”

He looked at her with something between awe and puzzlement.

“You can’t help that you turn into a cat, just like Momiji can’t help being a rabbit or Haru an Ox. I don’t care what you turn into… I want to be your friend. I want to see you every day.”

She held onto the cold bars so tightly her fingers ached.

The candle cast a flickering orange light against the wall. It was hard to tell, but she thought the tiniest, gentlest smile was forming across his face.

“I mean it! I’m not going to stop coming!”

“I believe you. And you can come see me,” he murmured before shaking his head and giving her one of his piercing looks. “Just stay away the next few days so you can get better, okay?”

“Really?”

He nodded, looking away as if he didn’t care, but that tiny smile began to form again.

“Okay!” she chirped.

“How’d you get here anyway? You didn’t walk through the cold did you?”

“Oh no, I didn’t walk. I rode on Haru’s back!”

“Hey,” said Haru, making the pair jump. He came into the open doorway in his human form, nude as an Ox.

“Oh!” Tohru gasped, turning away.

“Put some clothes on, ya weirdo!” Kyou snapped.

“We need to go before someone notices we’re gone,” he replied.

“Right,” said Tohru stoutly.

One of Kyou’s hands came through the bars in a fist and gave a small tap on Tohru’s head. She gave a small squeak of surprise.

He was gazing at her with a tenderness that made her face burn. That was something that she hadn’t fully learned to cope with around Kyou— his moods were so hard to predict. He’d be stubborn and grumpy one moment, tender and caring the next— completely temperamental. It was part of what made him so interesting to her.

“Promise you’ll take it easy?”

“I promise.”

“Hey Haru, Momiji: Be careful on the stairs with her! And make sure she rests when she’s not here.”

“I promise,” said Momiji, quite seriously. “I’ll take care of her.”

Kyou gave a grunt, put out the candle between two fingers and retreated into the darkness.

As Tohru left the cat’s building, she felt her cheeks burning, whether with fever or excitement she didn't know. She couldn’t be entirely sure, but it felt like she had actually been able to mend the bridge between them; make him know she wasn’t going to so easily abandon him. It was clear he wouldn’t believe her until she’d kept at it for a while, but that was only natural. He was skittish and used to being mistreated, so she’d just have to keep trying with him. The connection felt frail like the candle’s light she’d brought into his prison— one gust of cold wind and it could be put out so easily.

Haru was wrapped in a thin sheet when it was time to hug him. They safely reached the clinic without detection. Both the young men waited behind a screen to turn human again, but Tohru kept her eyes pinned to the ceiling just in case.

Haru left without much preamble, but Momiji stayed behind, face shuttered.

“Tohru… I was wondering something…”

“Yes?”

His face went a bit pink before he looked up at her through his blonde hair. “I heard some of what you said to Kyou, and… I was wondering… It’s just… We don’t really have any friends outside of the other zodiac and… Would you mind seeing me too? Being my friend?”

Tohru’s eyes went wide and a wave of compassion overwhelmed her. How alone had the zodiac members been through the years? How many experiences had they gone through of rejection, and how many times had they missed out on friendship and touch?

“Of course!”

“Can I visit you while you’re in the clinic too?”

“I’d love it if you came.”

“Oh! I have cards and all sorts of games I could bring,” he proclaimed, looking again like the adorable excited rabbit. “Would you like that? Do you like music? I can bring my radio! Or is there anything you need me to get from your room? I don’t mind getting you things.”

“I don’t need anything,” Tohru laughed, “But I’ll look forward to your visit. Bring whatever you like to keep yourself entertained.”

As Momiji babbled excitedly about what he wanted to bring, Tohru’s mind went to Kyou. While she was warm and making friends, he was left in that cold cage.

I’m going to help him, Mom. I’m going to break his curse, and bring him out into the light.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER 5

The first time Momiji saw Tohru Honda he was fourteen.

He didn’t look fourteen. He looked like a much younger child and frankly he enjoyed it. He could get away with so much more when people thought him to be an adorable ten year old. Life was much more fun when you didn’t have rules and judgements pressing in on you at all times. That was how he got away with sneaking into his Papa’s building to watch for Mama and Momo.

He couldn’t do it every night, otherwise he’d certainly be caught and seen, but he did it much more often than he should.

That was where he’d seen Tohru.

Most of the staff looked tired and bored at their job, but not her. She smiled as she determinedly mopped and took out garbage. She was decades younger than the rest of the staff— probably near his age. She was always kind and volunteering to take on tasks for others, and had a friendly sweet manner about her as she did things.

She was so happy… He wished he could feel as happy as she seemed to. It would be lovely to have someone like that in his life. Anymore he only had Hatori on a regular basis, and while the man was kind, he was as far from happy as anyone.

After months of seeing Tohru, Momiji developed a little bit of a crush, memorizing every detail about her. She would tunelessly hum as she wiped windows with a cloth. She liked to wear her hair in pigtails when she worked. She was easily overwhelmed by compliments. She had the warmest brown eyes. She would sometimes take out a photo of her mother and talk to it.

The only thing that much distracted him from Tohru-watching was when Mama and Momo would come out. His mother was still as regal and beautiful as ever. And his sister Momo was as cute as Mama was elegant. She was like a lost little duckling toddling after Mama, her eyes so large and brown she hardly looked real. Mama would coo over her and tell her how much she loved her and how precious she was and hug her close. Oh how he wished he could be part of that picture. He’d never wished for something more.

One not so special night, he sat and watched his mother and sister from across the lobby when he heard Momo ask, “Mama, why don’t I have a brother or sister?”

“Because we got it right the first time with you. You’re our perfect little girl so we never had to have another.”

“Could I have a brother some day?”

“Oh, Momo— Mama wants to spend all her time on you and only you!” Mama said, tickling Momo’s chin and making the little girl giggle.

Momiji felt his eyes sting. It was a silly thing to cry over. It was very normal for parents to only have one child and her answer was a very nice one to give a child. It was all very normal and nice, and Momiji couldn’t stand to watch another second of it.

He tore down the hall and as he turned the corner he ran chest first into a large sack of garbage. The sack fell to the ground with a gasp that sounded very much like, “Tohru!”

Oh no, he wasn’t supposed to know her name!

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going,” he apologized, helping her to stand.

“I’m okay! I probably shouldn’t be carrying such big bags. I couldn’t see around it, so it’s as much my fault as anyone’s.” Her smile crumpled as she looked at him. “Are you alright?”

“What?” Momiji asked, before feeling a tear fall down his face. “Oh yes… Yes, I’m fine. Let me help you with that.”

He grabbed one part of the bag, which was surprisingly heavy, and helped her heft it onto her cart.

“Thank you—” she said, waiting for a name.

“I’m Momiji,” he said, not saying his last name because he could hear the distinctive clicking of Mama’s heels approaching.

“Momiji? What are you doing here?” she asked in her heavy German accent, so similar to his own. Her face was polite, but as usual there was no recognition. “And it’s quite late. You shouldn’t be here. Your mother must be worried sick.”

“She’s not, but thank you,” he said, with a practiced smile. “I’ll be going in a moment. Don’t worry about me!”

Momo was staring at him with big eyes.

“Well, be safe and get home soon. She may not say it, but mother’s worry about their children more than they say.”

“Of course,” he said with a small laugh. His eyes were stinging again.

“Have a good night,” she said, then casually walked away. Momo closely followed her, but her eyes stayed on Momiji until they had turned the corner and were out of sight.

“They look like you. Are you related?” Tohru politely asked, a pleasant smile on her face.

“There’s a large German community here,” Momiji lied, wiping at his eyes. “I’m sorry I ran into you. She’s right… I shouldn’t be here. Excuse me.”

“Are you—?” Tohru began to ask, but Momiji ran away. He ran until his legs burned, and his side stitched and he felt dizzy. He ran and ran until he was too tired to cry.

He never went back to Papa’s building again.

He hadn’t expected to see his crush three years later on the Sohma estate— let alone for her to know about the curse. For a moment he was excited— hoping she’d remember him. She didn’t. It made sense. They’d only spoken the one time. And he had changed so much since then. He no longer wore the cute flamboyant outfits of before, and was at least twenty centimeters taller now.

His joy at seeing Tohru was further crushed when he realized how much she cared for Kyou. Momiji had never been loved like that. He wasn’t sure how Kyou had gotten someone as lovely and kind as Tohru to want to fight for him with such passion. It stung in the same way watching Mama fawn over Momo stung. It didn’t hurt him like it used to— he’d grown quite good at pushing hurt down until the sting of it was faint— like an arthritic joint growing creaky during a cold front— unpleasant, but nothing he couldn’t weather.

Could he ever have someone fight for him? Probably not. He was just a silly rabbit after all.

But maybe he could at least have Tohru as a friend.

She’d said yes when he asked— he was quite good at getting what he wanted, even if he wasn’t the adorable little child of before.

He was feeling very content with himself— having executed a flawless plan and gained Tohru’s friendship and trust all in a day— and had a hop in his step when he felt a firm hand squeeze around his bicep and pull him inside.

He gasped, but quickly gained his composure when he saw it was Yuki. The rat had an intense look of anger on his face.

“What were you thinking?” Yuki asked.

“What do you mean?” Momiji smiled, crinkling his eyes.

Yuki’s glare was cold as the snow Momiji had just been hopping through.

“You revealed your animal forms to Miss Honda!” For someone who looked so beautiful and fragile, Yuki’s fingers were able to press quite painfully into his arm.

Momiji twisted in the vice grip. “She already knew about the curse, and let go!”

Slowly the rat’s hold gave.

“How do you know Tohru anyways?” Momiji asked, rubbing at his smarting arm.

“We went to school together.”

“Were you friends?” Momiji asked, before he could stop himself.

“No.”

It figured. Momiji had long admired Yuki, but over the last few years he’d become so austere and unpleasantly frigid with everyone… He used to be a lot more friendly and kind, but something had changed. Momiji was glad Yuki wasn’t friends with Tohru— he wasn’t sure he wanted to share her with anyone else.

“Why did you take Miss Honda out in the cold?” Yuki asked. “You were animals and then you took her up to the cat’s house.”

“She’s too sick to travel, but she wanted to see him.”

“Why?”

Momiji shrugged. “I told her a bit about how we animals of the zodiac are all rejected, and she wanted Kyou to know how much she cares about him still.”

“The last thing she needs is to care about that disgusting cat.” Yuki spat, face hardened. “You shouldn’t go telling an outsider things. They’ll just end up erasing her memories or hurting her.”

No. Momiji wasn’t going to let another person be taken from him. If he had to hurt Yuki to shut him up he would. “Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean we have to be.”

Yuki’s expression shuddered and lost all expression. “And just because you’re desperate to have someone care about you doesn’t mean you should drag her into danger.”

“You know, I liked you a lot more before you started spending so much time with Akito,” Momiji said quite casually, straightening his clothes, ignoring the sting of Yuki’s words.

He knew he was being unfair and unkind to Yuki. He was right to be concerned— it wasn’t safe to bring Tohru into the cold world of the Zodiac curse. It was selfish and stupid… but he wanted to be near her and feel her warmth and kindness. Wasn’t that worth risking everything for?

“Be careful,” Yuki said quietly, before turning his back to Momiji. “You’ve never been a favorite of Akito’s… You don’t know what he can do.”

“I do know,” Momiji whispered, watching Yuki walk away. He’d seen what Akito had done to so many. He’d seen Akito break so many people. Momiji was determined not to be one of them.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

Tohru hadn’t noticed how uncomfortable and lumpy her mattress was until waking up on the plush mattress of the Sohma Infirmary bed. There was an odd relief in her lower back and, despite the still-present fever,- she felt the most well-rested she had in years.

Dr. Hatori came to check on her and supplied her with a pile of books to read, assuring her breakfast would be there soon. She had never been much of a reader and found her fevered mind wandering back to Kyou. His bed didn’t seem half as nice as her lumpy mattress, let alone the comfortably plush bed she was snuggled in. While she was toasty warm In a well lit room, he was shivering in a hut with only one candle to keep him warm.

Not far into the morning Momiji came to visit, a tray in hand.

“Guten Morgen!” he said, placing the tray on her lap.

“Gyu… what?”

“Good morning!” he supplied with a laugh. “I brought rice porridge and Kartoffelhörnchen!”

He removed the silver domed cover to reveal a delicious looking Okayu porridge, tea and some sort of foreign looking pastry.

“This is like a croissant but with jam!” he explained. “Kagura and her mother helped me bake them, as I’m not very good at baking on my own. Too many things to keep track of! But I knew Kartoffelhörnchen would cheer you up so I snuck out and got the ingredients.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile she hoped was happy looking. She was very good at smiling when she wasn’t feeling a bit happy. She even smiled when she cried some of the time, as mad as that sounded. He beamed back, so she seemed to have done it right.

Momiji entertained her with stories about the Zodiac members, each story more adorable and silly than the next, eventually pulling her from her melancholy a bit.

“And then Ritsu had spilled the tea all over Kyou and was apologizing but—” Momiji stopped to look behind him. “Ah, I wondered when you’d come.”

Tohru looked to the door and felt a large gasp leave her at the sight of Prince Yuki Sohma, the most popular boy from her former high school.

“Good Morning, Miss Honda,” he said with a slight bow to his head.

Tohru immediately blushed and attempted to stand, but found her feet wrapping in the blanket. She nearly fell when Yuki grabbed her firmly and uncomfortably by the upper arms and put her back into the bed.

“Um… Sohma, I didn’t expect— I mean. I don’t want to be rude, but why would you come to— I mean… Are you a Zodiac member? But I mean- I shouldn’t have said anything, but why would…” she trailed off, overwhelmed.

“Yes. I’m part of the Zodiac curse you know about,” he said in that calm way Yuki always spoke in school. They had only spoken a few times, mostly for her to hand him papers he was asking for, or thank her for a pencil when she was given the task. He was always collected and friendly, but somehow a bit aloof. Now he seemed a touch colder than she remembered. “Momiji, I would like to speak to Miss Honda for a moment.”

“I don’t think I need to leave for that,” said Momiji, jovial demeanor suddenly firm.

“Fine, then keep watch, at least. I don’t want others hearing this.”

Momiji hesitated, but went to stand in the doorway, brow furrowed and arms crossed.

“Miss Honda…” Yuki began, looking beyond her to the blank wall. “I wanted to warn you… There aren’t many who know about the Curse, and those who do… many have ended up hurt or had their memories erased.”

“Erased?” Tohru looked at him with alarm and wonder. “People can… do that?”

Yuki nodded. “The very man who was tending your illness could suppress your memories whenever he likes.”

Tohru felt her hands tremble and purposefully stilled them in her lap.

“Why?”

“Because he was told to… At least some of the time. He did it to children who learned about my curse when I accidentally transformed— I lost each of those friendships as they forgot I existed. He did it to his own fiancé when she couldn’t handle being connected to him "

"Yuki, maybe you shouldn't tell her about this," said Momiji, beginning to look nervous.

Yuki's eyes hardened.

"He also did it to Momiji’s mother when she couldn’t handle having a cursed child anymore.”

She heard a thump and saw Momiji had hit his balled hand against the wall.

“That’s not your secret to tell, Yuki!” he growled, but Yuki ignored him.

“If he’d do it to all those people, there’s nothing stopping him from doing it to you when you’re nobody to him. In fact, it might be better if he does. You shouldn’t risk your job or safety for any of us, but especially not that stupid cat.”

Tohru threw the covers from her legs and stood up, feeling her fists flex, but not bold enough to look him in the eye. “I don’t know what’s happened to you since we were in school… but it must have been something really bad for you to act like this…”

“You don’t know anything about it,” he said without inflection.

“I can’t claim I knew you… Or know you now. But never once did I think you were a cruel person,” she quietly stated, finally gathering the courage to look at him. It was only for a moment, but his eyes almost imperceptibly opened wider. “You talked about Momiji’s mother like that, and call Kyou a stupid cat? Tell me to get my memories erased? Why would you do that?”

“I’m just trying to warn you."

“Thank you then,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Thank you for warning me… I’d like you to leave now.”

Yuki took a step forward, and his aloof mask looked strained.

“Kyou’s not the only person Akito has locked away…” Yuki's voice grew in volume. “You have no idea what he’s capable of. It’s best if you forget about all of this and go about your duties without interacting with us. You need to be careful. That cat isn’t worth—”

“Thank you,” Tohru said, standing by the door and holding it open for him. “Good afternoon.”

Yuki’s mouth became a thin line, then returned to its neutral position. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

With that he walked out of the room as quietly as he’d entered it.

Tohru felt herself begin to crumble, but found Momiji by her side holding her arm. “Here, you should get back in bed.”

She let herself be guided back, trying to force herself not to cry. She wasn’t even sure why she wanted to cry, but she did so badly her eyes felt pained.

“He’s… He’s not wrong… We’re dangerous to be close to… I probably should have warned you like he did,” said Momiji, looking away before smiling. “Well, not exactly like he did… But I should have tried to… I just was so excited to have a kind friend like you.”

Tohru put a hand to her mouth to stifle a cry.

“Was what he said true?” she whispered, looking at Momiji.

He gave a sad smile. “Oh yes… Yes it’s all true.”

“Your parents really… Really don’t know about you?”

“Not both of them… Just Mama…” said Momiji, not meeting her eyes. “I told you how some mothers reject their children, and my Mama was one of them. She did it with her whole body. She tried to avoid me and was always crying and screaming hysterically. Mama might have been lost to us, like Kyou’s mother… so they arranged for her to forget about me. I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I’d snuck in to try to see her, and heard her say I was her greatest regret, so…”

Momiji paused and looked away. “So after she finally felt happy… I’d watch them sometimes… I wanted to see them… Sometimes I’d hope she’d remember me, and do it with fondness. It was a secret… It still is.”

He bit his lip. “I wonder if I helped her? She was smiling and now she has a new child, Momo, my little sister. She’s so cute and pretty and Mama loves her so much… Maybe it was better that she forgot me.”

Tohru, overcome, threw her arms around Momiji. He immediately became a bunny in her arms.

“No… No it wasn’t better!” Tohru assured him, holding him probably too tightly, as tears streamed down her face.

“We’re a rather dramatic family to be close to… I’d understand if it was all too much,” the rabbit sniffled into her shoulder.

“It’s not,” she said, hoping she was strong enough to stand by that.

“I used to think I wanted to always carry my memories with me… I don’t believe I’ve changed my mind… Some days they feel so strong and so oppressive, but… But I like to think some day I’ll be able to think of them all, even Mama forgetting me, and look back with a smile. I’d like to think that there’s not a single memory that I have which would be okay to forget.”

“Me too,” Tohru cried into his fur. “Me too…”

She thought of Mom and the pain of losing her, and how it had torn her to shreds; how at times she’d be fine but then the ache of it would burn through her so hot she felt she’d melt and never reform. But she also thought of how many wonderful memories she had of her mother. Her smiles, her comfort, her hugs, her advice, her constant support and belief in Tohru… The thought of erasing a whole person from her mind was awful.

“I want to remember too…” she sniffled.

“I’m so glad,” Momiji mumbled into her collar. “But please don’t be upset Tohru. I can’t stand to see you unhappy.”

“I’m not! I’m very happy,” Tohru said as tears fell into his yellow fur.

Hatori found them like that hours later, though Momiji was asleep in her arms, still a little rabbit.

“Should I ask why he’s like that?”

“It’s a secret,” Tohru said with a small smile, looking down at her rabbit friend.

He took her temperature and declared her fever broken and that she should be okay to work in a few days.

“But you should avoid the cold until then,” Hatori instructed. “And be careful on this estate… You knowing about the curse… It’s not—”

“Yuki came and warned me,” Tohru said, surprised at her nerve to interrupt him. “Are you… Are you going to erase my memories, Doctor Hatori?”

His eyebrows shot up. “You’re aware of that, are you?”

Tohru nodded. “I don’t want to forget anything or anyone.”

He said nothing.

“Doctor Hatori… I know I’m an outsider and … I’m not very smart, so even if you all told me everything I couldn’t begin to understand it all the way you do— but I want to be there for Kyou, and Momiji… I promised to be their friend and promises mean a lot to me. So please… Please don’t make me break those promises to them.”

He went to sit at his desk and pulled out a pad of paper. He began writing as if she hadn't spoken. When he was done he finally handed her the paper. “Here is your medical plan for the next few days. Please follow it so you don’t have a backslide.”

“Um… Thank you,” she said, puzzled at his lack of response about the memory erasure.

“You still need your rest. I’ll bring Momiji to his bed,” he said, carefully taking the rabbit from her arms. “Miss Honda… I won’t pretend that I’m happy with another innocent knowing about our demons… This is not a safe position you’re in… But I will say that it’s good for Momiji to have a friend. He’s not had one in a long time…”

He sighed.

“I will not tell the head of the family about this, for now… If you can be discreet, though, that will help keep everyone safe.”

“I can…” Tohru said, taking a deep breath as he headed for the door. “Is Akito really that dangerous?”

Hatori paused and said nothing for a long time. “Yes. Akito might not always mean to be, but yes— yes Akito is dangerous.”

“Thank you, Doctor Hatori,” she said with a small bow.

“You may call me Hatori,” he said with a returning bow before hastily leaving the room.

Despite her broken fever, she found exhaustion taking over, and soon was fast asleep.

Each day of recovery was torture. She hated sitting around doing nothing, and all her darker thoughts seemed to come to the front of her mind the more she sat around. A soup of worries about the Sohmas she’d met, but especially Momiji, Kyou and Yuki started to swell in her mind.

Yuki was the strangest one. He’d always seemed nice in school but he had been so cold and mean the other day… Had he always been that way in secret?

Somehow that didn’t feel right. He just didn’t seem like a naturally cruel person. It almost felt forced. Under that cruelty seemed to be a fear, now that she thought more about it.

“Kyou’s not the only person Akito has locked away… You have no idea what he’s capable of…You need to be careful.”

What had Yuki meant? Were there others like Kyou locked away? At one point had Yuki been one of them? Is that what made him so cold now?

Momiji had asked if she needs anything from her room, and she’d said her mother’s photo. As she worried she held it and wondered what Mom would say to all this.

“How do I figure this out, Mom?”

The photo didn’t answer back and nothing of her mother’s advice or memories came forward.

After a few days of rest she was finally given the okay to get back to work. As much as dereliction of duty normally pained her, her true burden was the worry over Kyou,

In her excitement to see him she made a breakfast big enough for three. The tray sagged under the weight of it and her fingers were aching by the time she’d reached Kyou’s room.

“Kyou! I'm here with your breakfast!” she called.

Immediately she heard the pats of his feet across the floor.

“Are you alright?” He asked, eyes piercing and making something in her stomach squirm.

“Yes, I’m okay,” she beamed back. “Did the others feed you well while I was gone?”

“It was fine,” he said with a wave. “But are you really okay? I don’t want you fainting on me again.”

Tohru blushed. Oh. “I’m sorry about that. It was really silly of me. Thanks for catching me.”

He gave a hum and took the tray before letting out a sound that almost sounded like a laugh. “Jeeze, there must be ten pounds of food here!”

Tohru’s almost blush turned into a full one. “I might have gotten carried away…”

“Might have,” he said with a small smile. “There’s no way I can eat all this.”

Tohru felt a lurch of guilt. “I’m sorry! I forgot you don’t have a way to keep leftovers! I shouldn’t have cooked so much, but I missed so many meals and couldn’t decide which thing you might like more and I felt bad that you might not have eaten well, so I wanted to cook something warm since it’s cold out, but also something sweet, and then I couldn’t decide which kind, so I made a few of everything, and now I’m seeing that—”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, putting a finger on her forehead to stop her ramble. He began to retreat into the darkness when he stopped his movement. “Umm… if you have the key maybe you can come in and share it or whatever.”

“Yes! Okay!” She found it hard to contain her smile. “I’m really excited!”

“We’ll don’t be, you’ve seen how barren it is in here,” he grumped.

She quickly got the key from her pocket and felt the same elation as the last time it successfully turned.

His place was still dark with only a desk and a futon. She followed him to see where he intended on them eating, but found him frozen in the corner.

He stood with his back to her staring at the tray of food. She could see his shoulders rising in tension, and couldn’t help but picture his orange cat version with its back arched in annoyance.

“Kyou?”

“Maybe this was stupid… we don’t really have a place to eat together here…”

Tohru looked about to see a low wooden box she’d often put his tray on. Without a thought she rolled up her sleeves and attempted to move it. The heavy thing would barely budge as she panted trying to lift it, suddenly her lifting worked and it seemed light as a feather.

“Wha—?”

Kyou had reached around the other side and easily lifted it. “Where do you want this?”

“Oh! Um over there?” She said, pointing to the bit of open floor next to his futon. She let go after realizing she supported none of its weight, so instead went to get his candle she’d given him and placed it in the center of the box, hastily lighting it.

“There! Just like a fancy restaurant,” she smiled at their handiwork.

“It’s cold. Why don’t you sit on the futon.”

“Okay!”

She curled her legs under her and found herself at the perfect height next to the box.

The two ate mostly in silence, but seeing him give a small smile as he ate was enough for her.

She took a bit of egg with her chopsticks when she noticed a hole in the wall that hadn’t been there before.

“Oh! What caused that?” she exclaimed, pointing to the shoulder height hole.

“That would be Kagura,” he said with an eye roll.

Tohru took a bite as she stared at the hole, not understanding. “Wha—?”

“She was mad at me for cheating on her with you.”

Tohru choked in surprise, coughing and spluttering egg. “Cheating?!”

What had she done that was cheating? Was there some unknown Sohma custom she was unaware of? Were they together?

“You’re together with her?” she finally wheezed, as Kyou patted her back once, before retreating his arm like it was burnt.

“Absolutely not. She’s crazy!” Kyou grunted. “She’s always sort of claimed me… I don’t know why, but it’s always been annoying and I always tell her we’re not together, but that doesn’t stop her from losing it whenever I talk to another girl. She sort of sees red and punches everything in sight, me included.”

Tohru couldn’t seem to conflate the shy Kagura she met with someone capable of punching a hole through a wall.

She asked him more about it and he opened up telling her a few of his more embarrassing stories of Kagura charging him each Valentine’s Day or swinging him like a slingshot. His vivid descriptions left her laughing and Kyou fondly smiling at her.

Hearing of his misadventures before his confinement was entertaining, but afterwards she found a darkness moving into her mind again. He’d not had any normalcy like that in almost a year now… Would he ever have something like it again? The thought made her stomach drop and a pool of dark emotions started to rise inside her.

“Hey, you okay?” she vaguely heard Kyou ask, immediately bringing her back to the present.

“Oh! Yes! Sorry!” She said, firmly putting a smile on and quickly taking a bite of rice. The rice in her mouth became dry, and as she swallowed she could feel it lodging funny in her throat

“Look, if you’re, uh, not feeling happy or whatever, it’s okay,” said Kyou, looking in the opposite direction from her, as if shy to even glance her way. “You don’t have to put on a smile for me, if you’re feeling bad. You can go on and feel bad around me…”

She’d never had someone say something like that to her before. People seemed to get upset when she was down and immediately would try to get her back to ‘happy-go-lucky Tohru’ as quickly as possible. It had always been that way.

It was one of the most freeing things she’d heard since her Mom passed.

She could hear her Mom saying, “just be yourself!”

Tears started to well in her eyes and Kyou immediately panicked.

“Gyah— Hey! I didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“You didn’t,” she sniffled. Part of her wanted to retreat back into her polite smiles and forced happiness, but with Kyou there was a sudden safety in being able to cry. “I… I have been a bit sad… So thanks… thanks for letting me be myself.”

Kyou looked less stricken and nodded

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” he said before gently knocking her head with his fist. “That’s how we had you passing out on me.”

“Oh yeah…” she said, a bit embarrassed, wiping at her eyes a bit. He didn’t ask why she was sad, forcing her to share emotions and thoughts she'd barely defined for herself. He didn't push her to fix whatever was making her upset and get back to happiness. He let her just be sad with him beside her, and it was just what she needed.

Chapter Text

The crisp air stung her cheeks, and Tohru felt a deep relief upon entering the small restaurant, looking forward to the warmth of the meal.

Arisa and Saki were already inside. Saki pointed to the door and Arisa gave a wane wave. She didn’t look at all her normal self, looking a touch pale and tired. Was she coming down with something?

“Over here, Tohru!” she called.

“Right!” Tohru said, blinking her way out of her worried frozen stance. 

Soon the tororo soba was brought out, helping thaw out her frozen middle. Saki and Arisa regaled her with tales of their most recent adventures— Saki getting a job in a library, with most of her work tending the children’s book section, which Arisa found hilarious. 

As Tohru sat with her friends, she tried to keep from worrying her lip as she watched Uo. The moment Saki or Tohru talked, she seemed distracted, and frequently watched the door.

“Thank you again, both of you, for that key you made me,” said Tohru, smiling at getting to see Kyo up close. “It’s been nice.”

“Of course we helped you with your clandestine endeavor,” Saki said, as serious as if she was making a vow.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Arisa said with a smile. “But it’s not a big deal, Tohru.”

“How’d you make a copy of such an old key?” asked Tohru. She didn’t imagine ift could be something a normal key maker could easily make. “I hope you didn’t spend a lot on it.”

Arisa looked away, while Saki replied, “Arisa got it for free, under very mysterious circumstances.”

“Mysterious… circumstances?” Tohru asked. Her mind zoomed to Arisa dressed like a thief or spy, dark trenchcoat waving in the wind. “You didn’t steal it did you!?”

“Treachery,” Saki stated, eyes closed and hands held up beside her ears.

“Oh no!” Tohru let out in a whimper.

Arisa gave a frustrated growl. “Of course I didn’t steal it! I told you, a friend got it for me.”

“Which friend?” Saki asked, look penetrating. 

Arisa blushed and looked away. “He’s no one.”

“Is this the mysterious man you talked about last year?” asked Saki.

Arisa looked down at her soba noodles and began eating them with a fury. 

“Oh! Is it?” Tohru asked, hands grasped together to contain her excitement. “You’d been hoping to see him! Was it him?”

Her friend’s fist pounded the table and her eyebrows furrowed. “Just shut it, you two! I don’t want to talk about him.”

Tohru gave a small bow and apologized with a, “I’m so sorry!”

Saki continued to watch Arisa, her calm eyes not looking a bit sorry. She then fixed her stare on Tohru.

“Why don’t you tell us about your friend, Tohru?”

“Oh!” Tohru put up her hands and waved, blush staining her cheeks. “There’s nothing much to tell. He lives at the Sohma estate and stays in his room.”

“So he’s a Sohma?” Arisa asked, looking curious. “He must be rich then.”

“Um… No, not really. He is a Sohma, but he’s sort of the…” Tohru tried to think of a fitting description. “He’s sort of the black sheep of the family.”

“How’d you meet?” Arisa asked, a quizzical quirk to her thin brow.

“I was cleaning and was told to bring him some food. We didn’t talk for a long time.”

“That jerk wouldn’t even deign to talk to you?” 

“It wasn’t like that!” she said, trying to sooth her friends ire, though she appreciated it. “He’s shy… Kind of. We talk now. And he’s nice…”

Saki and Arisa both looked at her with wide eyes.

“Bring him to us,” said Saki.

“Yeah, bring this black sheep out. We need to meet him.”

“And make sure he’s worthy of our Tohru,” Saki proclaimed.

Tohru blushed at the thought, but her mind was also racing. She wasn’t sure how to explain the issue to them. She’d love nothing more than to bring him to meet her friends, but had no idea when or if she could even manage to have him leave his room into his own courtyard, let alone leave the Estate.

“I’d like that,” she began, “but he’s… He’s not well and can’t leave. That’s why I was bringing him food.”

“He’s sick?” asked Arisa. “Is it something you can catch?”

“Oh no, definitely not.” Her palms began to sweat. She should have been smarter and come up with a story beforehand. “I don’t want to talk about it in detail though. He’s very private!”

Her friends watched her again, this time clearly trying to puzzle it out. She felt her head bowing under their scrutiny, and the pressure finally made her break. 

“These noodles sure are good! Mmm mmm mmm!” With that she stuffed her face with the semi-cold noodles she hadn’t planned on eating more of. 

Their looks went from puzzled to amused. 

“Slow down before you choke!” Arisa said with a smile, patting Tohru’s back and making her nearly cough a noodle through her nose.

After her late lunch, she went back to the Estate, trying to enjoy the tranquil views. Instead her mind was preoccupied with worry about Kyou, and how she could ever get him to leave his room beyond trying to save her. So preoccupied with her thoughts, she nearly walked past her door and the girl standing in front of it.

Bundled up was the mousey brown-haired Zodiac member she’d met before.

“Oh! Hello,” said Tohru, smiling at the girl despite her surprise. “You’re Kagura Sohma, yes?”

“Yes that’s right,” she said, shyly staring at her shoes. “I was wondering if I could help you with Kyou’s food- and maybe go to Kyou-kun with you.”

Tohru's heart swelled with warmth. "Of course! I'm sure he'd be happy to see you."

Kagura's smile faltered. "Probably not..."

Tohru's expression turned to concern. "What do you mean?”

Kagura looked down at her hands. "I punched a hole in his wall the last time I saw him.”

“Kyou did mention that," Tohru said with a small smile, heart aching for the girl. She’d thought of herself as shy and insecure, but upon meeting Kagura she realized how she seemed to have heaps of confidence in comparison. "I’m sure Kyou is happy you care, though.”

Kagura’s face wilted. "I don’t think he is… I do care about him so much, but I don't think I'm meant to. I’ve never been able to love him the right way. And… And when he was put in that room I didn’t ever visit or do anything for him."

Tohru didn’t know what to say to this. She put a hand on Kagura’s, and the girls’ grey eyes met her, startled at such contact. Her hands were very cold, as if she’d been standing there for a long time.

“Why don’t you come in out of the cold? We can make him some dinner together,” said Tohru, giving her a smile she hoped was comforting. Kagura gave a tiny slip of a smile back and followed her in.

The two girls cooked a meal far too large for only Kyou thanks to Kagura’s enthusiasm, but Tohru wouldn’t dare discourage her, seeing her smile.

They walked the food up to Kyou’s room, the stairs still icy and treacherous. 

“Kyou?” called Tohru, as they reached the foyer to the room. Immediately she saw his shadow move towards the locked door. “I brought dinner. And a guest.”

“A guest?” He looked like a wary cat, and froze in place.

“Hi Kyou-kun,” Kagura said in a tiny voice from the porch. 

“Kagura,” he said, still obviously wary, but moving towards the door. 

Kagura stared at the floor, while Kyou looked away. Tohru opened the door to Kyou’s room and let herself in, placing his tray on the table.

“Kagura-san helped me cook this meal, Kyou,” said Tohru, hoping to ease the tension.

She took the cover off the tray and Kyou made a face. “You cooked enough for like ten people.”

“I’m sorry, Kyou-kun!” Kagura squeaked from her spot.

“What are you doing here, Kagura?” he asked, tone harsh and unkind.

Kagura made little fists and looked as if she might punch a wall again. “I’ll cook so much less next time!” 

“Next time?” he let out. 

“What, you don’t want people to come to you?” asked Kagura.

“It's not like I have a choice.” His voice was becoming rough. “Either people come or they don’t.”

“You’d think you’d be happy to be visited!” the girl replied. “After all— After all, it’s not like many people come here anyways.”

Kyou stared at Kagura before his expressions became a scowl so intense Tohru took a few steps back.

“You didn’t ask if I wanted you to come— and I don’t! I don’t want any of you to!” 

“I wanted to! I wanted to every single day,” said Kagura. “But now I won’t let anything stop our love.”

He crossed his arms and looked away.

“Kyou-chan I made you food and- and you should be grateful—” she said, expression turning fearsome.

“Grateful?!” he spluttered. 

“Yes! Grateful! There’s no reason to be rude, when I—”

“You didn’t come once in ten months until you found out there was another girl visiting me. Don’t act like something is different now!”

“But Kyou I love you—” This made his eyes turn to slits.

“Shut the hell up,” he spat, hair rising like a cat's hackles. “Get out.”

“But—”

“Get out!” he roared, throwing the platter of food out into the corridor before retreating to the back of his room.

Kagura’s eyes filled with tears before she turned and ran away.

Tohru stood frozen, not sure who to look after. She settled on cleaning up the mess of food splattered in the corridor. One of the plates had shattered, and the soup had splattered far and wide. She was reaching for an errant piece of ceramic plate when a hand stopped her. 

She gasped as she realized Kyou was outside of his room, gentle hand around her wrist. 

“Don’t,” he said, voice quiet. His body was warm and right beside hers, making her pale cheeks flush. “I made the mess, I’ll pick it up.”

“I can help,” she assured him.

“You don’t need to.” He had a cloth he’d brought from his room, and used it to wipe the mess from the floor. She watched him tiredly picking up pieces of plate.

“Kyou, I’m sorry,” she wobbled.

“What are you sorry for?” He looked at her, perplexed, then alarmed. “Gah- Why are you crying?!”

She put a hand to her eye and realized they were wet. “Oh…”

“Don’t cry!” he pleaded. “I’m not mad at you, okay? You don’t have to apologize!”

“But, it’s my fault you were upset. I let Kagura come and I didn’t ask you, and it’s not like you can go anywhere else so—”

“Stop,” he said, giving a sigh. “It’s my own fault for being upset. Not yours. I— I… I need to have more control. I felt trapped and…”

He looked to the open door of his room. He seemed to realize he was standing outside because his movement became fast, but shaky. Tohru put her own hand on his.

“Kyou… Are you okay?”

He ignored her question and twitched away from her, putting the last of the mess on the tray.

“Kyou?”

He quickly retreated into his room without a word.

“I’ll bring you more dinner,” she called to him.

He didn’t reply. She got a second much smaller dinner prepared, but when she brought it he refused to come out of the shadows. She didn’t feel comfortable forcing herself on him and entering his room without permission, so left the tray outside the door. 

The next morning his tray was still untouched.