Archive of Our Own

“Wait, you’re telling me YOU’RE 28?!” 

The young man in front of him, Jongdae as he introduced himself, loudly said. Shock written all over his face as he stopped slurping on his ramen noodles. Sehun didn’t know exactly why he was eating with him right now after seating beside the guy in their first class together, but here they are. It definitely beats eating alone, that’s for sure. Sehun didn’t take offense with the other’s reaction since it’s not like he’s making fun of his age or something, he knew it was an honest reaction. 

“No offense—“

“Don’t say it if it’s offensive” 

“No what i’m about to say is not offensive to you but just in case someone is eavesdropping it’s for them, anyway, you don’t look 28,” Jongdae seemed to scan his whole figure with the way his eyes travelled, “you look younger and extremely hotter than most of the uglies here” 

Jongdae threw a dirty glance at the other students around them, earning a chuckle from Sehun. 

“So, is this your second degree or did you drop on your last year? You don’t have to answer it if you’re uncomfortable, by the way.” 

“The latter, got held up by family and financial problems” Sehun answered, 

“Ugh,” Jongdae exclaimed, “literally the worst combination ever”

“Yeah, but everything’s resolved and I saved enough to finish my degree so here I am” Sehun said, smiling. 

Jongdae looked at him and shrugged. 

“Good for you” he said before starting to eat again, “not everyone gets another chance”

Sehun couldn’t agree more. 

Somewhere along Sehun’s first week back in college, word got out about his age and people started looking at him. Well, it’s not like they weren’t already looking at him in the first place. A lot of them would have agreed if they heard what Jongdae said about him being hotter than a lot of people in their campus. While some people find his age hot, ‘Daddy’ as what they say in their generation, some has expressed the way they disliked it clearly. 

There were a lot of 

“What are you doing here shouldn’t you be working at this age?” 

or 

“Aren’t you too old to be in college?” 

And let’s not forget the core and foundation of every campus… the rumors. There were already loads of rumors going around and Sehun heard it all from Jongdae. It seems like his newfound friend knows a lot people that knows other people. Jongdae found the rumors so ridiculous he almost cannot believe these people actually passed the entrance test. The rumors went from a simple ‘hey I heard the new guy stopped due to financial reasons’ to ‘hey I heard the new guy flunked in his last year of college and got disowned’ to ‘hey I heard the new guy has some nasty attitude he got kicked out in his last year of college and got someone pregnant’. 

Sehun didn’t know where the hell they got those stories but their mind surely is creative. 

Good for creatives, bad for society.

“I can’t even stop thinking about what they’re saying, are you not bothered?” Jongdae asked, it’s been a whole day after Jongdae informed him of what has been circulating around regarding him and Jongdae hasn’t stopped complaining to him about it. 

“I am” Sehun answered, he truly was bothered. 

It bothered him that he knows he doesn’t fit in with these people he was supposed to be around with for a whole year. And it wasn’t the cliche ‘I’m not like other guys’ type of not fitting in. When he said he didn’t fit in, he truly did not fit in because of the age gap. He’s far older than every ‘fellow’ student he’s come across with and he couldn’t relate to anything that they were talking about. He didn’t know who ‘Maddy’ and ‘Cassie’ is or what the hell is the number 1 song on Billboard Hot 100 right now. He didn’t know who won last year’s super bowl, all he knows is that he’s got a shift at the coffee shop at 5 PM and rent is due next week.

Some people may be perplexed with the thought of a 28 year old man being bothered by what some twenty-something people has been saying about him, but he was. He just didn’t show it and he most definitely didn’t want some rumors ruining his one chance to get the degree he had always dreamed of. 

“Then why don’t we say something about it?”

“Trust me, it won’t change anything. I’ll just have to deal with it” Sehun answered in which Jongdae sighed. His friend seems to have let go of their conversation since he hasn’t spoken a word until they reached their next class. 

“I guess the rumors will go away in their own at some point” 

“Hey, Jongdae can I ask you a question?” he said as he turned to the other, 

“Go for it”

“Why are you hanging out with me?” he curiously asked, he’s been meaning to ask this a few times but he felt like it was stupid to even ask it. 

“What? You’re my friend why wouldn’t I hang out with you?” 

“First, there’s the fact that I’m 6 years older than you.” Sehun pointed out,

“And? I’m friends with some random girl named Wendy from London, things like that doesn’t faze me” Jongdae laughed like Sehun said some amazing one-liner. 

“That’s dangerous” He commented,

“There’s a few people that died in those streets we walk to every day and I’m still alive, I’ll be fine”

Sehun can’t fucking believe his eyes. 

He just can’t believe it. 

Standing before him is his ex-boyfriend for 2 years in his 5’8 glory, introducing himself as their professor for one of their major courses. He almost feels the urge to look around for cameras because this must be some kind of prank. Surely there must be someone who’s going to jump from somewhere to tell him that this is all just a big joke. 

This must be a joke. 

If someone told Sehun that he’ll meet his ex again one day, he would’ve agreed because the world is not that big for them to never see each other again. But if someone told Sehun that he’ll meet his ex again as his professor as soon as he enrolled back in college, he would’ve taken them to a certain professional because there’s no way in hell they are in their right mind. 

“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to meet you during our supposed to be first meeting, they sent me to attend a conference that day. I hope you didn’t mind,” His ex said, putting his things in the desk behind him. 

Sehun blinked once. 

Then twice. 

Kim Junmyeon is still standing in front, smiling at everyone, wearing a knitted sheep vest over a white long sleeved button down with his hair parted in the middle and specs sitting on his nose. He still looks unbelievably good. Although Sehun can still feel the familiar innocence and maturity surrounding the man he knows that he’s not entirely the same person he knew. But his smile can still knock the air out of him, for sure. 

“Alright, I’m going to do a quick roll call so we can start” 

“Sehun, hey, are you okay? You look constipated…” Jongdae pointed out from beside him.

He must’ve looked constipated. Sehun could feel himself paling as he hears Junmyeon calling their names one by one, getting nearer to his. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine” he looks at Jongdae, trying to shake his feelings off. 

For christ’s sake, he shouldn’t be feeling like this at his old age. 

“Oh… Sehun? Oh Sehun?” 

Sehun almost instantly turned to look at the man who called him. He would’ve checked if he broke his neck if it wasn’t for the shock that is displayed on Junmyeon’s face. Words wouldn’t come out of his mouth as he stared at the other. He could feel his heart trying to get out of his chest as he looked in the man’s eye.

“Ehem… Oh Sehun?” Junmyeon coughed and called his name again to cover his shock.

“H-here!” 

“You saw Junmyeon?! As in Junmyeon the love of your life which you left the same time you dropped out?! That’s insane!” Baekhyun exclaimed, seating down on the chair beside Jongdae. 

Baekhyun is his friend that he met when he started working as a barista, he’s the owner’s nephew so he also works part time in the coffee shop. His friend knows everything about his life since he’s been working with him for years already so he went straight here after Junmyeon’s class. 

“Wait… Professor Kim was your boyfriend?!” Jongdae asked being as equally loud as Baekhyun. Sehun looked around and saw some of the customers curiously looking at their table.

“Not too loud” he tried to shush the two, 

“Yes they were together for 2 years during college. By the way, hi I’m Baekhyun” 

“Wow, I guess it was pretty serious between the two of them. I’m Jongdae, nice to meet you” 

Sehun facepalmed himself as he listens to the both of them talking. Why did he even say yes when Jongdae wanted to come to his work place? Oh right, because nothing gets past Jongdae’s sight and he saw Junmyeon’s reaction when he called him. 

“What are you going to do now, Sehun?” Baekhyun asked as soon as the two stopped talking among themselves. 

“It’s not like it’s a big deal, exes are as common as watermelons during summer” Jongdae commented before he even answered Baekhyun, “The right question is whether or not Sehun still has feelings for Junmyeon” 

“Of course he does!” 

“Why are you even asking me questions when you won’t even let me answer?” Sehun interrupted them, the two simultaneously muttered a small apology before motioning for him to continue talking. 

“Well do you still have feelings for him?” Jongdae asked again,

“I… I’ll always have feelings for Junmyeon” Sehun answered softly.

Sehun always knew that his feelings remained the same as before, if not it has become deeper, as if it was already permeated deep inside his soul. He never really wanted to leave Junmyeon for no reason at all, he just had to leave. If it was up to him, he would’ve even asked the other to move with him as soon as they both graduated and after a few more years he’ll ask for his hand in marriage, maybe build a small family together. Sehun already had plans for the two of them but it stopped even before it happened. 

Nobody spoke for a few seconds, the other two just watching him zone out for a while. 

“Damn, you’re in too deep” Jongdae broke the silence, earning a chuckle from Baekhyun which followed a small laugh from Sehun. 

“But think about it Sehun, you got your second chance to finish your degree… maybe it’s also your chance to fix whatever it is between the two of you?” Baekhyun suggested, 

Maybe Baekhyun’s right, maybe he could fix it. He knows it will take a lot for Junmyeon to completely forgive him and he knows there’s very little chance to get him back but he should at least try, right? Breaking up with Junmyeon without even explaining is the worst thing he ever did and he will forever regret it, so maybe he can explain now even if it was a few years too late. 

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t get Junmyeon back, he deserves it anyway for breaking his heart.

Funny how time changes bits and pieces of everyone. A lot of people says that time heals all wounds, it’s true. But it also breaks pieces of you. Like the child inside us that breaks slowly as time goes and we realize that this is not the future we dreamed of. So yes, time heals all wounds but at an expense. 

Sehun didn’t realize what he had to pay for in exchange of getting his and his family’s life to get back on track again until he was standing in front of his class presenting his report to his ex boyfriend. A week has passed since he first saw him again and he hasn’t been able to talk to him even once. Back then when he would be working overtime he would start to imagine how it would be when he meets Junmyeon again. He thought it would be the same as before, the same cliche feeling where his heart would race and his mind would go haywire. 

Truth be told, the cliche feeling is the same but now he’s also scared. 

He’s scared of the distance that has widened between them. Junmyeon is so much more than what he was before, he is so much more than what Sehun was back then and what Sehun is now. Back then, Sehun would comfort himself that they’re just the same college student and that their only difference is that Junmyeon was just slightly more well off than him. Back then it wasn’t a big deal to him. 

But back then he didn’t know the harsh realities of the world.

“Great! Thank you for your presentation, let’s move on” Junmyeon quickly said after they were finished, Sehun quickly went back to his seat where Jongdae was giving him a thumbs up all throughout their presentation. 

He sighed as soon as he sat down.

“What’s with the sigh? You did amazing with your part!” Jongdae leaned in and whispered, “I can even hear some insecure assholes talking about you, it was funny” 

“Thanks” he replied shortly,

“What? What’s up?” Jongdae asked again, 

It took a few seconds before Sehun answered, “Should I… talk to him?” 

“To who? …oh” Jongdae only realized who and what the cause of his sighing was all about, “You should, I mean, you both obviously have things to say and it’s not fun to have tension between each other when you’ll … well, you’ll be seeing each other as a student and professor” 

Even with Jongdae’s reasonable explanation, Sehun still can’t shake his uneasiness. Gone was the man who boldly confessed his feelings first. Gone was the man who confidently asked Junmyeon out. What was left is the man who’s just trying to catch up on society and the love of his life. He shouldn’t be feeling this way, he wasn’t used to feeling this way but he can’t help it. 

It was hard to see Junmyeon in the campus. It’s like the man vanishes once their class is over and Sehun can’t even catch up to the smaller with the rest of the students blocking his way and hurrying to get out of the room. He tried to look for him all over the place with Jongdae running behind him, trying to follow his large strides. Somehow, he managed to find a bit of confidence to talk to Junmyeon. Sehun didn’t know if it was the coffee or Baekhyun’s pep talk every time his shift starts, whatever it is it definitely helped him. 

“Still nothing?” Baekhyun asked while tying his dark blue apron, 

“I looked for him every day but I can’t find him,” Sehun muttered under his breath, disappointment can be seen all over his face. 

Baekhyun patted his back, trying to console the man, “Aw, poor guy… you’ll get your chance don’t worry” 

Sehun wasn’t supposed to work today but Baekhyun called him because the new part-timer called in sick and it’s a Friday so there’s a lot of customers. He knew Sehun wouldn’t say no, the man was too kind for his own good. It wasn’t a big deal to Sehun though, he liked spending his time in the coffee shop.

He was preparing a double chocolate chip frappuccino with white mocha syrup when Baekhyun slightly squealed and nudged him, almost spilling the drink. 

“Baek—“

“Sehun look! That’s him right?! That’s Junmyeon from the pictures!” 

Sehun turned around quickly, almost spilling the drink once again. And there he was, the man he can’t find all over their campus was entering the establishment. What are the damn odds…

“Quick! I’ll do that, you man the counter” Baekhyun took the frappe from his hands and gently pushed him towards the counter. 

Sehun unconsciously straightened his apron and cleared his throat, waiting for Junmyeon to approach him, to look at him. He saw how Junmyeon’s eyes slightly widened when he saw him in front of him. Sehun gave him a small smile which the man returned. 

“Good afternoon, Junmyeon”

“Good afternoon… Sehun”

At least there was one thing that didn’t change about Junmyeon, his coffee preference. It was still the same old plain cafe latte that Sehun used to buy for him every morning. Sehun remembers how he used to buy canned coffee drinks for Junmyeon during college which earned him a few pecks on his lips. 

“Se, this is your chance” Baekhyun said beside him, they were both looking at Junmyeon’s direction and he knows the man could feel Baek’s burning stare at the back of his head. 

“What?”

“He’s alone! Go talk to him, I can handle this for a while” 

“You sure?”

“Yea— oh wait, he’s not alone” Baekhyun suddenly said, his eyebrows furrowing at the sight of a man who just entered and went straight to Junmyeon’s table. Sehun looked at what Baekhyun was talking about, Junmyeon wasn’t alone. 

Sehun stared at the man who just arrived. 

That man is familiar.

“Is that… what was his name again?” He asked, 

“I don’t know, you tell me” Baekhyun answered, 

“I forgot his name” 

Just then Jongdae suddenly entered and went straight to where they are. The two didn’t notice his presence as they were both focused on looking at the two man, trying to figure out who the other is. 

“What are we looking at?” Jongdae asked before looking at the direction Baekhyun and Sehun was looking, “Wait is that Professor Park?” 

The two turned towards him, finally acknowledging his presence. 

“Professor Park?” Sehun asked, 

“Yeah, he’s from a different department but I know him because… he’s hot” Jongdae shamelessly said, still staring at the tall man seating in front of Junmyeon, “I heard they were friends though so i’m not surprised that they’re hanging out together” 

“Friends, huh?” Baekhyun whispered, “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Se you better move your ass, that’s one fine man”

The green-eyed monster’s presence must’ve been inside the building since Sehun can’t help but to look at the two, still frowning at the sight of them laughing. It’s been past an hour, yes he counted, what could they possibly be talking about? What could they possibly be laughing about? Sehun knows he’s being unreasonable and someone might’ve already gave him the look if they hear his thoughts but he can’t help it. 

He can’t help but overthink when he doesn’t know anything about Junmyeon for the past years, they’re basically strangers to each other now and someone might’ve already took his place. 

It’s not very unlikely, but he hopes that wasn’t the case. 

You could imagine Sehun’s relief once ‘Professor Park’ left. 

“Ok the french fry is gone, now’s your chance” Baekhyun said beside him, Jongdae already left a few minutes after he ordered a mocha frappe saying that he was going to meet someone today so he can’t really stick around, leaving the two of them again. 

“French fry?” Sehun asked with confusion, 

“Yeah, tall, blond, and gorgeous” Baekhyun said in a matter-of-fact attitude which earned a chuckle from Sehun, “Don’t laugh at me, go talk to Junmyeon look he’s already preparing to leave!” 

With a slight shove from Baekhyun he started making his way towards Junmyeon. When he reached the table, the other must’ve noticed his presence since he turned to his direction. Junmyeon looks surprised after seeing him stand in front of him. 

“Hi?” Junmyeon said, obviously unsure of what to say.

“Hi… uhm, can we talk?” Sehun asked, he may look like he knows what he’s doing on the outside but he’s actually calling all the angels and saints inside his head. He doesn’t know what he’s doing! 

It took Junmyeon a few seconds before he answered, “…Okay. Take a seat”

Sehun sat down opposite to Junmyeon. He clasped his hands on top of the table. Nobody spoke for a few seconds, Sehun doesn’t know what was going through Junmyeon’s mind but he sure hopes it was not something negative directed towards him. After all, he knows he wronged the other. 

“So… it’s nice seeing you again” It was Junmyeon who spoke first to Sehun’s surprise. 

“Likewise, you look great” Sehun awkwardly said which made Junmyeon laugh a little. 

Holy shit Sehun, pull yourself together! You look stupid!

“Thank you, but what is it you want to talk about?” 

Right. He was here to talk about something deeper than just a simple ‘how are you’. He was about to open their pandora’s box. He saw Baekhyun walk behind Junmyeon, pretending to clean the table behind him and mouthing the words ‘Don’t be a pussy’.

“Uhm… I-I just want to… I know it’s years too late but… I want to apologize for what happened…uhm…back then” If his heart could physically leap from his chest, it would. Sehun was so nervous he felt like he could pass out any moment. 

“Oh” 

“I know I hurt you and I have no excuse. It was—“

“Sehun” Junmyeon cut him off, he has a small smile on his face but Sehun knows from the tone of his voice that the other was serious, “Let’s move on, alright?”

“But I at least owe you an explanation” He answered, he just wants a chance. 

Nobody knows how he begged the universe almost every day of his life to give him a chance to make things right, or at least give him a chance to take accountability for the pain he inflicted to Junmyeon.

“You don’t owe me anything, Sehun” there was a tinge of sadness that can be seen in Junmyeon’s eyes, “And besides, an explanation won’t change anything” 

“Jun…”

“Look Sehun, what’s happened has happened…there’s no use crying over spilled milk”

Junmyeon left the cafe that day without listening to his explanation. He excused himself saying he has another class for the day, leaving a defeated Sehun. Baekhyun went rushing to Sehun after seeing the look on his face. His friend can already conclude how the conversation went with just one look on Sehun’s face. 

“So are you just going to give up?” Jongdae asked, they are seating on a bench near the parking lot while eating ice cream. 

Jongdae was only hearing what happened now since he was nowhere to be found during that day and the day after that. He was just as disappointed as Baekhyun was when he heard how their conversation went south. 

“No” Sehun confidently said. 

He already thought about it and he decided that he’ll do whatever it takes for Junmyeon to listen to him. He won’t impose, of course, but he’ll try anything and everything just to convince him to listen to what he wants to say. He made it happen before and he thinks he can do it again one more time. 

“That’s the spirit!” 

And that’s how their chase started. 

“Junmy— I mean, Professor Kim, good morning” Sehun greeted Junmyeon as soon as he saw the man. 

Sehun has been doing this every day since then, he would wait for Junmyeon near the faculty, holding Junmyeon’s favorite coffee that he made himself. He started waking up earlier than usual just to make a quick trip in the cafe and Baekhyun being the hopeless romantic that he is, supported whatever Sehun is doing, which means he opens the cafe earlier than usual. 

Junmyeon smiled awkwardly before taking the coffee from Sehun’s hand, “Thank you… again” he could hear the confusion in the other’s voice, “I have to g—“

“Wait!” Sehun said, almost panicking. It’s been days but there’s been no improvement on how Junmyeon has been treating him, “Can we eat lunch together?” he asked.

Junmyeon gave him a small smile, “Sorry, I can’t. I have to go” 

“Oh” Sehun tried to mask his disappointment, “It’s okay” 

‘It’s just your first try, Sehun, don’t let it get to you’  he reminds himself after Junmyeon left. He already prepared himself both mentally and emotionally that it won’t be easy to make Junmyeon listen to him. If there’s one thing he knows about the man it’s that he has a habit of bottling up his feelings. Junmyeon used to do that a lot when they were together. There were a lot of ‘it’s alright’ and ‘i’m okay’  that didn’t turn out to be alright or okay at all and Junmyeon would have a break down.

Sehun wants to beat himself up knowing that he, for sure, has been one of the reasons of Junmyeon’s break downs for a long time. 

Sehun tried again.

He failed again.

And again.

And again. 

Jongdae greeted him with a pitiful look when he saw him walking in the hallways towards their class. Sehun was sure that his younger friend was tallying the number of times that he’s been rejected by Junmyeon. The man was always ALWAYS doing his best to avoid talking to Sehun for more than 5 minutes, he’ll only get the usual small smile, curt nod, and a thank you or good morning. It’s almost driving him insane if he was to be very honest. 

Sehun sank down in his seat and looked out the window, ignoring Jongdae who mentally got the note that he was in no mood to talk as of the moment. It’s just that he’s been repeating it over and over again in his head that ‘it’s okay’ and ‘it’s all his fault’ or ‘it’ll just take some time’ but the thing is there will always be a question of how much time does Junmyeon need? will it really be okay? what if he was really given the chance to explain and he still blows it? what if even if he explain it won’t be okay? what does being okay even mean? 

For a 30 year old, he sure does have a habit of wallowing in overthinking, but adults do that often don’t they? Overthink a lot of things that they have no control over. Sehun was getting deeper into his thoughts when Jongdae—who was whispering his name for a few times already—pinched his arm, almost startling him.

“What?” he asked, slight annoyance laced in his tone, 

“Professor Lee’s assigning the groups for the presentation next week, save your self pity for later” 

Right. 

Sehun waited for his name to be called, when he did hear his name he looked around to see who’s he grouped with. Not them again. He sighed after he saw the slight smirk—that even though he wasn’t the type to get violent— he very much wanted to wipe that smirk off of their faces. 

The thing is he’s not only struggling with Junmyeon… he’s also been struggling with trying to survive in college. He’s been facing animosity in all forms from his ‘peers’ after all of the rumors about his age and cause of his delay going around. After all, universities are one of the hotspots of the most vicious rumors anyone could think of. He’s been called names behind his back and at his face, which yes it may have slightly hurt his feelings, but he didn’t really care that much to tell them off. He’s been outcasted and stuff but the one thing he hates the most is when they dump all their work to him when it’s supposed to be a team project. 

He’s been walking around with 2-3 hours of sleep a day to the point that Baekhyun’s been giving him free coffee just to help him cope since he’s borderline a perfectionist who refuses to sleep until he’s satisfied with everything. He’s been in this state for a few weeks now and he’s just really thankful that he has a strong immune system or he’ll be confined in a hospital by now. Anyway, he’s pretty much sure that he won’t be getting a complete 8 hours of sleep anytime soon.

‘Sorry guys, I can’t come to our meeting I’m having a really bad cold today’

‘Me too, something came up. It’s an emergency.’

‘I have an interview for a part-time today, I’ll try to come’

Sehun sighed after reading their group chat. He was supposed to meet with them today to talk about their project but obviously, they won’t be coming. Why would they even choose this day if they can’t come? There was no other choice for Sehun but to start it on his own, he didn’t want to fail this class just because he’s stuck with some childish 20 year olds who only wants the easy way out. 

He went outside the library only to be greeted with loud cracks of thunder. Shit. I forgot to bring my umbrella. Sehun didn’t know why this was happening to him this week, did he somehow perhaps offended some mythical being? The rain didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon and he really doesn’t want to stay another minute in this place.

I could get to the front gate without getting wet but it will be hard to find a cab at this weather, Sehun thought, it’s better than staying there. 

He fixed the strap of his bag that was sitting in his shoulders before he started making his way to the gate. Like he expected, there was no signs of a cab nearby and there were only a few students left that was walking by. Jongdae had to part ways with him today since the other was going on his own meeting so he definitely can’t ask him a favor. Sehun would’ve called Baekhyun but the other was probably busy since it’s only him that’s taking care of the cafe lately. 

Wow I really have only 2 friends huh, Sehun chuckled to himself. Who would’ve known that he would only have 2 friends at the age of 30? He used to be friends with almost everyone when he was in college several years ago and now he’s an actual outcast. Who would’ve known?

Sehun was just standing there thinking of how he’ll get home when a familiar car suddenly stopped in front of him. 

The window rolled down to reveal Junmyeon, “Are you waiting for someone?” 

What is he doing here? I thought he already left earlier?

“Sehun, hey!” Junmyeon tried to catch his attention. Sehun immediately gathered his thoughts and shook his head, “No, I’m not waiting for someone”

“Oh… do you want to—I can drop you off, it will be hard to commute” the other reluctantly asked,

“You sure? I don’t want to bother you”

“No, it’s okay”

Sehun smiled and quickly made his way inside Junmyeon’s car. 

The inside of the car was very…Junmyeon. 

There were a lot of things stashed in the backseat. Pillow, neck pillow, hoodie, leather bag, folders, they were all stacked at the back. There was also a cup of latte in the cup holder between them as well as alcohol and some other spray. Once again, very Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon must’ve seen him looking around, “Sorry for the mess” he said with a small smile. 

“It’s nothing new” Sehun replied without thinking which made Junmyeon look at his direction, “Ah! Sorry I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s alright, I was pretty messy back then too” the other chuckled, “You used to clean up after me” 

Sehun didn’t expect Junmyeon to bring up anything about their past, he was sure that the other wanted to forget all of it if possible so hearing him talk about it at least for a little bit soothed his silly heart. At least he’s not that mad to forget all of it, he thought. 

“Yeah, I did” 

They didn’t talk after that. 

Sehun looked outside. Seeing the rain fall and hearing its pitter patters at the car window stirred some precious memories in his mind. He looked back at Junmyeon who was focused on driving, a slight pout forming like he always does whenever he’s fixated on something. 

Junmyeon must’ve felt Sehun’s stare as he looked at him, “What?” 

Sehun smiled, “Nothing”

“Sehun! Sehun it’s raining get back here!” Junmyeon shouted after Sehun made him hold his bag and ran towards the rain. 

Contrary to Junmyeon’s belief that he was trying to get sick, he was just actually trying to hail a cab. They weren’t prepared for the sudden downpour of the rain, it was actually pretty sunny this morning and during the afternoon so when the heavy rain poured it was a surprise for the both of them. Oh, and they also forgot to bring their umbrella since they were both running late for their first class. 

“Sehun let’s just wait for the rain to stop!” his boyfriend shouted again,

Sehun was already soaked in the rain looking for a cab, he knew the rain wasn’t going to stop soon. It was already past 9 pm, Junmyeon needed to get back to his dorm to get some rest since he has a presentation that he’s been working at for a few days now that’s supposed to be presented tomorrow. He would get an earful from his father when he gets home tonight but oh well, the things people do for love, huh?

Finally he was able to get them a cab, he quickly went to Junmyeon and took his bag before putting it on top of the other’s head. As soon as they got inside Junmyeon pinched his leg earning a small whine from Sehun. 

“Are you really trying to get sick?! Look at you!” Junmyeon said, slightly annoyed. “You’re definitely going to get sick with how you look right now!” 

“I’m not, I’m a very healthy guy” Sehun jokingly said which earned him a smack on his arm this time. 

“It’s not funny, Sehun” the annoyance has now turned into concern, Junmyeon was pouting while he took his handkerchief and started wiping Sehun’s face with it. “You should start taking care of yourself more”

“You’re already taking care of me”

“But still!” 

“And that’s all I need, now stop pouting before I kiss that pout out of your face. Think about the amount of cringe the kind driver right here would have to endure” 

“Ugh, I hate your humor so much”

“So what were you doing back there this late?” he asked trying to open a conversation, 

“Hmm, I was helping Chanyeol with something”

“Professor Park?” 

Junmyeon nodded. 

There was silence again after that. 

Junmyeon and that Chanyeol must be pretty close with what he had seen so far. From what he knows, Junmyeon rarely lets anyone in his circle, he’s an approachable guy but he doesn’t consider a lot of people as a friend. That was probably why he was so guarded the first time Sehun approached him too. 

“Sehun, thank God you’re here! We could really use some help” he was greeted by Yixing who looked like he had seen hell. He called him just when he was about to go home, asking for help with some designs. 

They were just on their first year but his peers went around talking about how good Sehun was with his animation style. Someone must’ve saw one of his demo works that he uploaded in youtube just for fun (and for practice). None of his friends knew about that so when it circulated, they started asking for help which Sehun didn’t mind. They were his friends, he’ll always be willing to help them. 

“What’s up?—Oh, hi” he bowed and greeted after seeing that there were other people in the room, 

“Everyone, this is Sehun. I suppose you already know him,” Yixing introduced him, “Sehun, these are Minho, Lisa, and Junmyeon” 

‘Alright so the buff guy is Minho, the pretty lady was Lisa and the cute small guy is Junmyeon’ Sehun noted to himself, he’s been having a hard time with names lately since there’s been a lot of people who keeps getting introduced to him. 

Yixing did not waste any time and he immediately told Sehun what their problem. He was able to get along with Minho and Lisa since both were outspoken and likes to joke around. Junmyeon, the cute small guy however, was very timid and he’ll only answer if Sehun was talking to him specifically and even then he’ll only say a few words or he’ll just nod or shake his head. 

“Let’s take a break, I’m going to buy some food. Do you want anything Se? It’s on me” Yixing asked, 

“Just coffee”

“Wait, I’ll come with you!” Lisa said before following Yixing outside, Minho went out to smoke earlier so the only ones left in the room was him and Junmyeon. 

The man was scrolling through his cellphone, Sehun knows the other was just keeping himself busy until the others come back. He probably doesn’t want to talk to him. 

“Your friends are nice” Sehun said, trying to open a conversation. 

Junmyeon looked up with confusion written on his face, “Who?”

“Your friends… Minho? Lisa?” he answered, as equally confused as the other. 

“Oh… we’re not really friends” 

“Huh? Really?”

‘But I saw them laughing at something just earlier and they looked close’ Sehun thought to himself. 

“Yeah we’re not really friends, acquaintances maybe?” 

Sehun smiled, “Well am i an acquaintance?”

“I guess”

“Can we be friends?”

“No… I don’t know you”

Huh, he’s got his guard up. 

Sehun laughed. 

They reached Sehun’s apartment after almost 30 minutes. It was a small apartment complex, looks pretty cheap and it is pretty cheap but the neighbors were nice so it wasn’t really a big deal. Junmyeon stopped the car just in front of the entrance.

“Thank you for dropping me off” 

“You’re welcome” Junmyeon smiled at him, somehow Sehun felt that the other was a little more at ease with him compared to the last few days. 

“Do you want to go inside?” He asked, hoping that he’ll get to stay with Junmyeon for a few more minutes. 

“No, I’ll have to get going. Still have some stuff to do,”

Sehun was of course disappointed but there’s nothing he can do so he just smiled and nod. 

“Ok, I’ll get going. Thank you again,”

“Hmmm, oh and Sehun?” Junmyeon called him just as he got out of the car,

“Yes?”

“You’re good at what you do, don’t mind them” 

Everything went smooth sailing after that day. He felt like he was one step closer to Junmyeon. The man didn’t avoid him anymore. He went from saying yes and nos to asking him how he’s been doing. Sehun was also able to finish their supposed to be group presentation with the barest of the bare minimum from the others. 

And he got Junmyeon’s number!

Baekhyun and Jongdae cheered for him as soon as he told them the news that he got Junmyeon’s number. The two even had a mini celebration for him, saying it was a milestone for Sehun who was barely able to talk to Junmyeon the first month he decided to pursue him. It was nice to have people who got his back and would cheer him for his small wins. 

He missed that.

Sehun heard a small *ting!* from his phone while working on his project. 

Speaking of Junmyeon

Sehun smiled when he saw the other’s message. 

Sehun, so sorry for replying late, I just got back from a meeting. 

How’s your project going?

Junmyeon is currently out of town for another meeting, it seems like their college department always sends Junmyeon for important meetings for some reasons. The other was staying in a city 4 hours away for 3 days. Sehun wanted to go tell Junmyeon that he misses him but he’s scared to weird him out so he kept it to himself and sent a very plain ‘what are you doing?’ after his class ended a few hours ago. 

Halfway done already, did you have your dinner yet?

That’s nice, can’t wait to see it!

And no, not yet.

Junmyeon it’s already 9, you should eat.

I have to order food first. 

You know I can’t cook.

I could cook for you

Sehun bit his lip after sending the send button, it was a shot in the dark but it’s better than just wishing they could have dinner together like they used to. If Junmyeon rejects him then he can always try again another time. 

Maybe when I get back…

His eyes widened as he read Junmyeon’s message. 

“Did Junmyeon really say that? Oh my god!” He stood up from his chair and silently screamed, it would be weird for people to see a 30 year old man going through a teenage phase and doing a small victory dance in the middle of his room at 9 something in the evening. They’ll either find him creepy or cute, either way it’s pretty embarassing.

Are you serious?

Can’t wait!

Although he could feel the vibrations coming out of his body, Sehun tried to tone it down and play it cool as he replies to Junmyeon. Sehun almost completely forgot about what he’s doing with how he was enjoying talking to Junmyeon, it was only after Junmyeon’s food arrived that they stopped.

He was eating in the cafeteria with Jongdae hears someone from another table talking about Junmyeon. 

“Hey is it true that it was Professor Kim that made Stop Motion?” there were three people eating on the other table and the one who asked was a girl who seemed to be in one of his class.

“Junmyeon Kim? Yeah, why?” 

“Really? I didn’t know, I just heard that it got a lot of awards both here and internationally”

“Yeah but Professor Kim was a one-hit wonder, he only made one animation in his career and quickly retired after that”

Sehun frowned with what he heard. 

“They’re talking about your Junmyeon right?” Jongdae asked, mouth full of the ramen that he bought. 

Sehun didn’t answer, his thoughts were once again running inside his head. He didn’t know that Junmyeon was actually able to produce an animation of his own, he knew that Junmyeon could do it but he didn’t know that he was able to do it. And he felt bad that he was too busy with everything in his life that he wasn’t able to see it. 

He should’ve been there. 

He promised that he would be there in every step of his way, he swore he’ll never break his promise just like every other bastard in this world. 

Guess he’s just another bastard, huh. 

The day went by almost in a daze with how Sehun’s mind was preoccupied, even Jongdae was having a hard time talking to him so he just let the man zone out while he was ranting about some guy he met on a dating app. Thankfully, the cafe didn’t need any help today which is why he was able to go straight back to his apartment. As soon as he got there Sehun opened his laptop and searched for Junmyeon’s name. 

“Junmyeon Kim…” he whispered while typing,

The first thing that popped out was a picture of Junmyeon wearing a suit in an international awards ceremony in France. Junmyeon has always been beautiful but wow was he beautiful. There were only few information about him and there was only one work that was listed.

“So it’s true, he only did one work” Sehun told himself, 

Questions were running on his head, but one question he can’t shake off is why did Junmyeon stop? He would be a hypocrite if he said he didn’t think that he was one of the reasons why but it would also be shameless of him to say it out loud. 

He was about to look for the animation Junmyeon created when his phone rang.

It’s Junmyeon. 

He quickly answered the call. 

“Hello Junmyeon?”

“Uhm hi, are you busy? I need help” Junmyeon asked shyly on the other side of the phone, 

As soon as he heard that Junmyeon needed help, Sehun was already rushing to get his jacket and his shoes. He’d already forgotten about what he was supposed to do and what he learned before Junmyeon had called him. 

“What happened?” 

“I was on my way home but my car broke down, are you busy? I don’t want to impose” Sehun could almost see Junmyeon biting his lip while talking, 

“I’m not. I’m not busy, send me your location i’ll pick you up” 

Sehun saw Junmyeon as soon as he arrived in an almost empty street since it was already night. The man look bothered, the hood of his car opened and smoke was coming out from the engine. It’s been a few years but Sehun thinks Junmyeon still has 0 ideas about cars and their engines. 

He hurried towards Junmyeon. 

“Junmyeon! Are you okay?” he asked as soon as he reached him, 

Sehun may have seen relief flash through Junmyeon’s eyes as he saw him, “I’m fine but my car isn’t” 

He leaned to look at the car engine. Sehun may not own a car but he pretty much knows a thing or two about it since his dad used to drive for a living. He turned towards Junmyeon who was watching him check the engine. 

“It overheated, let me just call a tow truck then I’ll drop you off at your apartment” 

After he made the call, Sehun turned towards Junmyeon who was still waiting for him. 

“They’ll be here in 15 minutes,” he said, it was only now that Sehun realized that Junmyeon was still wearing a suit, “Did you drove back home as soon as your meeting ended? Have you eaten yet?” 

“I dropped by Mcdonalds before my car broke down, I still haven’t eaten it yet” Junmyeon answered,

“You can eat it while we wait” 

“Hmmm, okay” Junmyeon opened the driver seat and took out the paper bag, placing it at the top of his car, “Have some fries, I’ll feel bad if I’m the only one eating” he jokingly said,

They were both leaning at the side of Junmyeon’s car, just watching the sky and about one or two cars who drove past them. The situation may seem like they’re either in an opening of a horror movie, waiting for a killer to pop out of nowhere, but it doesn’t feel that way to Sehun. It felt quite the opposite, really. Like they’re two leads in a romance movie. 

Sehun decided to make the most out of their situation.

“This is not the dinner that I was expecting but okay” Junmyeon laughed, throwing his head back after Sehun joked.

If this isn’t the best view I could see in my lifetime then I don’t know what is.

“We can get an actual dinner next time, with the homemade food you promised” 

“You’re actually looking forward to it?” Sehun asked, 

“Mm, why, wait you’re not actually taking it back, right?”

“No but now I’m afraid of disappointing you with my cooking skills” he joked, making Junmyeon chuckle and shake his head. 

“You’ve never disappointed me” he nonchalantly said, taking a bite on his cheeseburger.

Meanwhile, Sehun stood almost frozen beside him. He didn’t know how to react after hearing what Junmyeon said. It’s not like Junmyeon forgot about what he did, right? He didn’t know what to think. 

“… but I did” he said after a few seconds, making Junmyeon pause. 

“No” Junmyeon said, he looked at Sehun with a small smile on his face, “I was hurt but I was not disappointed” 

That night left Sehun speechless, he was not able to ask Junmyeon further because the tow truck suddenly arrived. It’s been a few weeks since that night and Junmyeon was once again busy since their midterm season just finished and he had ‘professor’ things to do. They still message each other but that was about it besides the short chat they have when Sehun brings Junmyeon coffee in the morning. 

“So when are you going to have that anticipated dinner?” Baekhyun asked, they were once again in the cafe. 

“I don’t know… Junmyeon must’ve forgotten about it with how busy he is” 

“Wait, you’re waiting for Junmyeon to bring it up?” Jongdae asked him incredulously, Sehun frowned seeing his reaction.

“Yes?”

“You’re an idiot” Jongdae said, shaking his head in disappointment,

“He sure is” Baekhyun agreed

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Why would you wait for him to remind you about it? You should be the one asking him!” 

“I don’t want to bother him when he’s busy” Sehun defended himself,

“Stupid, he’s a professor! He’s always busy!” 

Are you free this friday night?

Maybe we could go have that dinner. 

:)

Sure!

Looking forward to your cooking.

Friday morning Sehun was rushing to buy ingredients for the dishes he’s going to cook. He would’ve bought it on thursday but he was glued in front of his laptop, editing his final project which resulted to him immediately dozing off to sleep. 

He woke up to Baekhyun and Jongdae blowing up his phone, calling him alternately just to make sure he wakes up early to buy his ingredients. They even reminded him to clean his apartment. The dinner was nothing fancy, they’re having it in his apartment for god’s sake but it was better than not having dinner at all. 

Thankfully, Sehun was able to cook and clean at the same time without making a mess or ruining the flavor of the dishes he made. He even finished it just in time to receive a message from Junmyeon saying that he’s on his way to his apartment. 

Sehun took a quick shower and changed into a button down long sleeves shirt. He sent a mirror selfie to Baekhyun and Jongdae wherein the two immediately replied with positive reactions, boosting his self confidence. 

He was fixing his hair when he heard a notification from his phone. 

I’m already here.

“Welcome to my home” Sehun shyly said, opening the door for Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon smiled and looked around the apartment. 

“It’s neat, as always” he commented with a little chuckle. 

Sehun led him to his dining area, plates were already placed at the top of the table. Junmyeon took a seat while Sehun was placing the food he cooked in front of them. 

“I’m glad you have a place of your own now” Junmyeon said, 

“Mm, I was finally able to afford living alone after a few years of working” he replied, taking a seat in front of the other, “it’s average but it works for me, you still like seafood right?”

“I still very much love seafood, that’s right” 

Sehun breathed a sigh of relief, it’s going well so far. Thank god Junmyeon haven’t changed his food preference. It actually comforts him that the Junmyeon he knew before and the Junmyeon he knows now, although different from each other, is still the same. 

They were able to catch up with what was happening with their lives these past few weeks, Junmyeon also told him about some of his students who failed to submit on time and had some pretty unrealistic reasons. He also asked about where he worked after he dropped out of college. Junmyeon didn’t judge him, and listened carefully. Sehun was glad that the other was comfortable enough to joke and laugh around with him. He never thought he’d see him like this ever again after what happened.

Soon enough they were done eating and they decided to drink the bottle of wine Junmyeon brought since he said it would be embarrassing to come to someone’s house and not bring anything. They moved to his living room and played some movie that was in the trending list.

“This is good” Sehun said after taking a sip of the wine, 

“I know, I’m into studying wine these days” 

“Really? You used to hate anything alcoholic” he said unconsciously, Sehun stopped after realizing what he said, “What I mean is—“

Junmyeon chuckled. 

“It’s fine, I did hate alcohol” Junmyeon said, “But things change and I like it now, it’s not so bad after all”

There was only silence between them, the only noise that can be heard was the from the movie they were watching. It took several gulps and a half empty wine bottle before Junmyeon decided to speak. 

“The food was good, I don’t know why you think it would disappoint me” he turned to Sehun, 

“Well, you have high standards” Sehun let out a chuckle, “Makes me wonder why you chose me back then”

He was surprised when Junmyeon took the remote and put the movie on pause, placing his wine glass on top of the table.

After that he turned to face Sehun,  “Because you fought hard to fit my standards 

Junmyeon sighed, “I know that you’re doing this to explain what happened”

“Yes but I —“

“I get it, so I’ll give you this chance to say what you want to say.”

Sehun sat still for a few seconds before he was able to process what was happening right now. 

Finally!

Finally he gets his chance to explain his side, to ease his guilt, to tell Junmyeon that the earth may have changed but his feelings didn’t. 

Sehun took a deep breath.

He started with the reason why he had to drop out of his last year in college, the reason why they had to move out and leave the city behind. Telling this may have opened a wound that’s been inflicted on him mentally and emotionally. After all, if you were the one who had to leave everything behind because your father got laid off after an accident, followed by your younger sister suddenly dropping the news that she got pregnant and was left behind by her partner. it would be hard too. 

Junmyeon listened. 

“I wanted to tell you, I really did” Sehun sadly smiled, “but that wouldn’t do you any good, and I know it’s not an excuse.”

“It isn’t”

“And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Junmyeon. I know I’ve hurt you a lot, it might not look like it and you may reject my feeling but I love you. I still do, after every stupid thing that I did. You can always choose not to forgive me but I just wanted you to know that I want to make it up to you, if you let me”

“Sehun…” Junmyeon said, uncertainty can be seen in his eyes, “I know what happened”

“What?”

“You can’t possibly think that I didn’t look for you at all, I did. And that’s when I found out what happened  to you and your family. Believe me I went through all stages of a post break up. I hated you, I hated what happened to us, then I hated what happened to you… because it may seem selfish but it took you away from me. I hated everything.”

“Junmyeon—“

“Listen, Sehun” Junmyeon cut him off, “I hated everything. I hated everything even the only thing that I’ve loved before you. I quit making animations after my first and only animation was released. You were not the only one that left that day. My spark left too” Junmyeon gave him a small smile, “But I moved on, because I owe that to myself. I owe myself to be free from someone who have already set me free. I moved on to show respect to myself, and to you. Because I you’ve never wanted to see me hit my rock bottom. So I did, Sehun, I moved on. And you will forever and always be in my heart, but it’s not the same anymore”

“Junmyeon, I—“ 

“I need to leave now, It’s way past my bedtime” Junmyeon smiled and held Sehun’s hand, he took something from inside the bag that he brought and put it in Sehun’s hand, “This is my only animation. I made this hoping that you’ll see it wherever you are, but I guess you didn’t. I’ll see you on Monday, Sehun” he said before rushing to leave the apartment. 

Leaving Sehun sitting alone in his sofa, not knowing how to process everything that Junmyeon said. But one thing is for sure, it fucking hurts. A lot. Junmyeon didn’t need to spell it out for him, he knew what Junmyeon meant. It meant that he doesn’t love him the same way he did before. It means that he already lost his chance, and he’ll forever carry it in his heart. 

He stared at the flash drive that Junmyeon put in his hand for a few minutes before he started walking towards his laptop in a daze. 

Sehun inserted it and waited. 

Stop Motion — by Junmyeon Kim

Sehun couldn’t stop crying. 

How could he when he just saw himself from Junmyeon’s point of view, years ago when they were still together. He saw what Junmyeon saw, he felt what Junmyeon felt and it broke his heart more. How did Junmyeon survive all of this, all at once?

It felt like his tears wouldn’t stop flowing. 

When Sehun reached the end of the film, he saw the credits roll. He was about to pause it when he read something. 

“The thing about stop motion is we can do it over and over again, 

but it can never be perfect.”