Work Text:
When he got his soul string for the first time he was over the moon; the weaving string in a beautiful red colour was a sign of hope and love, the fact that someone loved him was a miracle. Or at least, hopefully, they would love him. He was small, frail, blind, he didn’t have many friends in the village and even then they felt closer to half-friends. He had his cousins but they travelled often, to be unmarried with no job was odd for someone like him, though everyone else in the village had a soulmate near them, had loved ones here and him? Well, he had his sheep, his birds, his parents and Lily, his classmate that travelled to see him and keep him company. She was lovely but… It wasn’t the same as what others shared.
At first, it was nice, he kept his soulmate company with small tugs of his string or listening to the small melodies they would play with it, it made him feel less alone in this big world. He would talk to his string, though he was sure the other couldn’t hear and even teach them things about being a shepherd and studying healing magic; it would seem all of his efforts would fall on deaf ears.
It only took a month before he heard a loud snap.
At first, he was confused, making sure that all of the sheep were ok and no one had broken the fences but as he tended he looked at his hand, his string was no longer a marvellous red, but now a sad and dirty brown; the tether had been cut. His soulmate was gone.
He must have sat in that field for hours just staring, longing, his heart feeling like broken shards as he felt the small sobs erupt from his throat. He must have sat there for hours contemplating what he had done wrong, what he could have done to make them stay, if they were even alive and if they would ever meet each other or if he was left alone, forever, with no one to help him. Was it because he was broken? Was he too damaged to deserve a soulmate? Had they found someone better?
His mother had found him in the field long after sundown, running up to him worriedly as he had been missing, he hadn’t been home for lunch, or dinner, not even for water. He had been frozen in that field of buttercups and grass. God did he hate it… He hated it so much… What was wrong with him? The colour yellow used to bring him so much joy, why did this one thing soil it? Why was he left alone?
“Vanilla! I’ve been looking all over for you, what-!” His mother started, her voice out of breath as she came to a halt next to him, the moon illuminating the tear tracks on his face, the stains on his cheeks that practically taunted him and to that, her face softened. She found her place resting beside him, pulling him into a small hug as she knelt in the grass. “What happened, baby bird? Have the village children been mean to you again?” She asked, cupping his cheeks and wiping the small tears away from the boy’s face.
He just shook his head and sniffled, resting his head on his mother’s chest and letting the small, tearless sobs start again, the sound now guttural as his throat was raw. “They don’t love me…” He held up his hand and showed his snapped string to his mother and her heart practically sank, looking at him softly and kissing her forehead. “It’s alright, baby… It’s gonna be ok…” She shushed him, trying to get him to calm down as she tried to rock him slightly in her arms. “Whoever they were, they didn’t deserve you, ok? I know you’re disappointed and sad but I promise you, it’s not your fault. It’s absolutely not your fault, ok?”
He wished he could agree with his mother, that this wasn’t his fault and that everything was going to be ok but he just couldn’t. The fact that they had just disappeared, they had fallen off the edge of the world and had left him alone. It was almost too much to bear. There were days where it wouldn’t affect him too much, the days at the academy and with Lily continuing his studies with his best friend, it felt better. Mostly because she was a person who could relate; she had never gotten a soulmate, a prince charming and honestly it didn’t seem like she wanted to. She was so engrossed in her studies that the absence of a red string never bothered her. He could respect that but… He wished he could feel the same way.
Every night he would sit in bed, wide awake and would just stare, imagining what could have been. Could they have had children? Would they have had a large ceremony? What kind of life would they have lived? Would they have been happily married? Who were they actually… All of these thoughts swarmed his head and even though he said he was fine not knowing, he said he was fine not having a soulmate, he found himself not believing those lies at all… He found himself crying until he passed out or went on a walk by himself, he found himself wishing things were different.
There were times when the string would repair, they would tug on it a few times and even though he went to go and answer, most times it would snap before the opportunity ever arose. Every single time it was a fleeting hope, he hoped that they had returned forever, that they were going to accept him and love him and never leave him but he knew that he was trying to grab a branch he couldn’t reach, he was trying to fly against the wind, every time he got nowhere, he was stuck in place.
Since then he had changed a lot, most changes were in hopes they would see he had changed and they wanted him again. He had cut his hair shorter than ever, so short that his mother nearly fainted when he came out of the bathroom. He had thrown himself into his studies and had started experimental medicine to save as many lives as possible. He came out to his parents that he was trans, which went down way better than he hoped. He bettered himself and soon, he found he was bettering himself for him, not any stupid soulmate. No, he was doing it for himself, to feel more confident, more comfortable in his own skin, but that confidence soon faltered when a sickness took over his town. A plague would be more appropriate.
He overworked himself trying to find a cure; it took everyone he loved. It took his mother, his father, most of his cousins and relatives, it nearly took Lily away from him as well. He found himself more stressed than he had ever been and he came out of the rubble a king of all things… The people he protected and saved hailed him a king, a ruler, but he couldn’t fit that job description. As they rebuilt he found himself falling more into his stressed, overworking ways. He nearly forgot the string was even there, he hardly looked at it anymore and even though he longed for company, he didn’t realise that his soulmate was trying to talk to him. He never did.
He was falling asleep at his desk when it happened; a large tug shook him awake, looking around before looking at his string, his soulmate… Another tug came from the reformed string, this time a bit softer and for once, he was allowed to tug back. He held the string carefully and responded, waiting a few seconds before a reply came. The same small song was played for him and it made him tear up, his unbreakable facade finally falling. He knew he wasn’t alone in this world because he had Lily, his best friend by his side but for now?
For now, he had his soulmate by his side…