Chapter Text
”What are you thinking about?” soft voice snapped me off the trans.
Looking at bright orange sun hiding over the horizon I took another sip of red liquid.
"Do you remember how we met?”
Words slipped off me effortlessly. My mind wandered from place to place recreating memories.
”Here” he acknowledged the answer we both knew ”Monte Carlo”
”Imagine if I hadn’t gone on my business trip back then”
I got a genuine chuckle in return.
Staring at sunset with Daniel was a thing we did to get away from the crowd.
I still heard muffled voices in the background; people were having a typical Saturday night partying on a yacht in Monaco. By taking a glimpse you could see the luxury and make some stereotypical assumptions about individuals on the deck. Some of them seemed carefree drunk.
”It’s been some time” he takes the lead ”and I’m still not seeing you often, not enough”
I looked up and slowly analyzed his words. The feeling of slightly dizziness came to my head. Warmth in my throat caused by alcohol gave me confidence to catch eye contact.
”Even now, we were lucky that we got a chance to see each other again" he continues.
The long pause of silence was calming. I inhaled slowly and felt how warm wind touched my hair turning it into mess.
”I know who you are and how busy you are”
My voice came significantly more harsh and cold than I planned too. I could see bitter expression on his face and I realized my mistake.
”I meant you are traveling around the world, which is totally understandable. Even if we got one memorable day once a few months, I’m up for it Daniel. You are my best friend after all”
Silence filled up the air again. I looked down at my glass of wine before taking another sip. The wave of shame flooded me.
”You are right” he said quietly after some time ”I’m traveling. A lot. I dedicated more of my life to my job and I am not regretting that. I don’t see my family, friends… you” he adds taking all his attention to look at me ”and I freaking loathe it.”
I turn head in his direction.
”I wanted to change it, no. I want to change it.” I could see how all these bottled emotions in Daniel are close to burst out ”I can’t live like that anymore. Not knowing when I see important to me people again”
”Oh Daniel-”
”It’s been a though year, you know? I feel I completely lost myself, I don’t know what I’m doing ” He sighs deeply ” I need a break. I need it.”
Astonished by his confession the only thing I could do was to hug him. A lot of thoughts were going through my head. This year was a challenging test of patience and perseverance and it was visible for his loved ones. He was fed up with unluckiness. He didn’t taste the happy medium, races were ending with irritating DNF’s or amazing performances. There was nothing between. Only pressure on golden Australian boy.
I could feel that Daniel rests his chin on top of my head relaxing his tensed muscles and hugging me back, all the emotions and tension slowly drifting away with wind. I could hear his heart pounding at fast pace. I felt veritable sorry for him and wanted to reassure him that he has my support.
This is what friends do, right?
”Look at us. Stucked in some milioner’s yacht at pathetic party.” He says after while laughing.
He always get back to his spirit.
”At least we got an invitation.”
”Darlin’ I got planty of invitations. From every wealthy person in this city.”
I laughed breaking our contact. Hearing him using pet names was an adorable thing in our friendship. It always left me with warm feeling in chest and a little bit of red tint on my cheeks.
”You must be popular then, Ricciardo”
”Something like that“ he says giving me another bright smile. He takes his drink for the second time this night.
Fame was bitter-sweet and Daniel knew it. By doing what he loved he gained a lot of opportunities, open doors and experiences. There was no doubt that it changed him, but as always he remained energetic and positive towards situations life prepared for him. By showing his genuine smile to the world he hasn’t gave up.
”So let’s get the hell out here”
”Mh?” he murmurs not getting the idea.
”From this pathetic party”
***
”I told you everything is closed!” I shouted to him.
Streets of extremely diverting city, which Monte Carlo was, were almost empty. Party noises echoed from Marina, where most of the town social life took place during summer. The only place that stayed alive was casino. It never sleeps. Full of the richest clients in the world willing to put into game a lot of money.
Going through streets past midnight gave me the unique feeling. Lightly drunk, looking at beautifulness of buildings and hidden places here I smiled to myself. While passing tall building, which was apparently a hotel for demanding clientele, a large and wide windows caught my eye. They gave opportunity to take a glance at decorative lobby. The late time explained no sight of customers inside, but still all those glamorous chandeliers were lit up. The whole furnishings along with leather sofas and brown marble floor were visible from a distance.
”We weren’t planning going shopping right?” I got a loud response, which distracted my attention from looking through windows. Daniel was a few meters ahead of me, being pretty fast at going up the steep street. ”I hoped only for some ice cream”
I stopped and stood in place. I couldn’t help smiling. The fact I was spending that night wandering around Monaco with my best friend was a fictional thought. Being away from him for many months and getting a chance to see him for a few days - that was a never ending circle I was living for three years.
Everyday life was preoccupied with job and duties, sometimes I could participate in rushed face-time with Daniel, talking about our lives and well-beings. I was texting him a short messages, giving him support during though races or sharing a tears of joy during his podiums.
Although his life required from me patience - weeks without talking and months without seeing, I never wondered how we are making it all work. Maybe it was it. Unforgettable hours we spend together. Doing all the things we are hungry for, creating memories that we can feed ourselves for time when we are alone.
”Dan, you need to slow down” I said with misery ”My foot are going to fall off. It’s not easier in these shoes”
He turned his way back to me smirking.
”You know what? screw it. I’m going barefoot” I heard myself saying and laughing.
”As you should”
I took off my fancy heels and experienced sweet relief. I didn’t care how stupid I looked carrying them in hands. Monaco streets looked clean, without any litter or broken glass so I was pretty confident about state of my foot afterwards.
”I was going to propose you a running competition ” he joked ”but I see it would be quite impossible”
”Don’t be infantile. We are grownups in a serious city”
”We are? Never noticed that”
”Especially you” I smiled.
”Yeah, especially me”
I walked up to him and showed by gesture that we can keep going. Unknowing what our real destination is I asked
”Where are we heading?”
”Wherever you want” he said carelessly ”I would took you to casino but- ” the sentence could’t be finished because of my laugh.
”No way, I thought you said you will never walk through that shiny doors. You called it ,,not your vibe” even if you are probably more famous than half of this building.” I saw how he started to open mouth to say something for his defense ”I know. You don’t like to show off with your money and recognition.”
”Exactly.” short word came out from him ”But you know I like sometimes taking advantage of it. I’m a selfish person too and taking you to that prosperous circus would be nice experience. You know, we would take my blue mclaren-”
”That one in your garage?“ I laughed
”That one. Even I’m not kinda allowed to show it in public I would love to do that, take you there and we would both pretend someone extremely mysterious.”
”Sounds like another James Bond movie ha?” I took a glimpse of his cocky smile.
”And imagine how we would look. Me in that elegant suit. Oh god, I don’t even remember when I last wore a suit!” chuckle escaped his lips ”You would be wearing an insanely expensive dress and be my companion lady that every gentleman in casino would love to have. But as we know, you are independent woman who looks only for business not romantic affairs” sarcasm hitched in his voice.
”Oh god, you made up alternative universe with your sweet dreams” I said amused while he sent me another deadly smile. “But about that part with selfishness I wouldn’t be so sure.”
The building density became more and more higher as we walk into depth of the city. Elegant apartments that surrounded us gave another opportunity to admire Monte Carlo at its finest, bathed in night lights. I looked up at one of the buildings which bright top floor stood out from the dark background of the sky. It appeared that on patio, a party has been taking place. Assumptions about calm and peaceful night in the centre were partly wrong because loud R&B music and joyful screams echoed around neighborhood. Surprisingly I haven’t found that annoying or unpleasant; a grin showed up on my face while the alcohol in my veins made me to move my body along with beats. Daniel looked amused at me, copying the smile and cracking a little laugh. It didn’t last long, he caught my vibe joining me. Now someone walking through streets could noticed clearly tipsy pair of people enjoying themselves.
”I have an idea” Daniel said suddenly with recognizable excitement in voice.
Why he had to interrupt our little party?
”Uh, It better be good Ricciardo” I said running out of breath.
”It will, come on” He gave me a wide smile and took my hand which I was not prepared for.
”Wait” I laughed ”Where are we going?”
”You better put those shoes on” a warning was given ”Don’t want you to hurt yourself darlin’ ”
Bemused look appeared on my face after his words but I’ve listened to his command. Australian dragged me along to the other side of road, leading us towards mild hills that encircled the city. I perceived how the night sky slowly changed colors; dark navy was now brighter and the east side began to look orange. It meant only one thing - the night was starting to end. Completely lost in sense of time I had no need of knowing how late it was, or how early. Tiredness slowly approached however, spending time with Daniel appeared more attractive than sleep. I truly wanted that night to last as long as possible.
”I think I know where we are…” I said when realization hit me. It was harder to recognize surroundings in the twilight ”You go here running”
”True. I took you here once, do you remember?” He asked hopefully.
”How could I not? You and Michael were so damn fast and I struggled with my pace” I laughed ” The worst training in my life!”
”Oh come on, it’s not my fault you are so unathletic” a sigh escaped him ”but you have to admit the views are pleasing”
That was indeed true. Popular among the inhabitants of Monte Carlo, running path was absolutely lovely place. It led along the sea, giving a perfect view of harbor but not only eyes got pleased during a walk here. Scent of breeze was significantly present in the air, along with a sound of mediterranean cicadas. I was genuinely jealous of this place’s existence. Nothing in my town even compared to captivating beauty of Monaco’s local coast.
”You know what” I started and noticed how brunette turned head towards me, showing he is listening ”I’m afraid of the sea when it’s dark. It’s so freaking scary!”
I managed to get from him loud and unalloyed laugh which lead me to confusion.
”What! I’m not joking!”
”You never stop to amaze me” he cracked a smile. ”and well, that will be no longer a problem because we are going up”
I felt how my brows frowned at his answer.
”What do you meant by that?”
”I hope you can handle climbing” his expression was unsure ”I offer my helping hand, you just have to ask”
After being fully aware what he talked about I said
”And what is there?”
”A place. Pretty nice place” he smirked ”Come on, I know you can do that”
Was he asking me to climb on a hill, all the way up in my heels?
Fortunately, the spot we were supposed to start our trip was pretty flat. It reveled the fact it was far more attend path than I previously imagined. Daniel was moving quickly upwards; he exactly knew where to put foot, on which rock step. I tried to copy his moves, knowing that he is familiar with the place. Even in my shoes it turned out suspiciously easy.
”If you need help just ask” his voice snapped me out of focus ”I’m perfectly getting along with it alone” my proud and stubborn voice answered.
It became brighter and brighter, the night was fading away. Surroundings were more visible now, therefore they gave me a chance to look around and admire nature. Dry bushes and pine trees grew all around the hill. The noise of cicadas was accompanied now with tweeting of awakening birds.
A brief moment of imprudence cost me a slip.
Heat wave hit me when I realized my horrific mistake. Waiting for hard hit on ground I closed my eyes, not aware that someone in the last moment had caught my arm strongly. I was in half way to falling over.
”Still so sure about not needing help?” Daniel said out of breath.
”Thank you” I clumsily tried to stand up ”Shit, I think my ankle suffered a little bit” he send me a worried look ”It’s okay, just hurts a bit”
But he did not let go my hand. As we started climbing up again, his grip tightened for assistance. When he noticed that I had difficulty with standing still, swaying from left to right, he gripped my waist with other hand.
How much I hated it, I was also thankful. It have been always hard to me to admit needing help; trying to prove myself and others that I can do something without any aid. Stubbornly not listening to advices and doing everything on my own. Daniel knew that he can’t ask about helping me if he doesn’t want to hear ,,no’’ from me.
Another issue with his little help was our close contact. Lack of it for many months and then receiving it intimately was not something I was used to. Obviously as best friends we shared hugs and physical contact however It felt different; while being so close to each other bizarre tension was building between us.
I felt again like a teenager asked out by boy who proposed going ice-skating together. Holding hands, trying to ride in circles, barely clinging on. One mistake meant both of us slipping, one pulling another and hitting the ice. Miserably attempting to stand up, cringingly holding each other.
What is happening with me? I only received kind favour from Daniel
After some time, which felt like eternity, we were on the top. I passed a soft smile and gave another ,,thank you” which could be only read from the movement of my lips.
”So, here we are” Australian said after a while ”We can sit down and watch the views”
All those troubles that accompanied us while getting here were forgotten after I saw the landscape. Valley of Monte Carlo, partly mired in sleep was at hand. Lights along with first flashes of sunlight reflected in a surface of the sea. We managed to see a sunrise.
Sighing deeply I sat next to my friend and closed eyes for a minute trying to delicate with all sensations - slightly cold wind, echoes of birds and smell of pines.
”I wanted you to see that place. I come here often when I feel homesick or drained” a soft voice cut the air.
”It’s beautiful” I said dreamy ”Monaco gives amazing image of mediterranean environment. Like, it’s not always about rich houses, fast cars, prestigious boutiques and expensive tiramisu” smile appeared across my face ” I’m mesmerized by nature too. You know, Rugged coasts, azure water and this noise - cicadas” I turned and met his gaze.
”You making me fall in love with this place again” he said smiling widely at which hot wave hit me.
”It reminds me of Italy” my eyes were focused once more on sunrise ”When I was a teenager I traveled there a lot with my parents, discovering various regions, meeting people and trying their delicious cuisine” vivid memories flashed before my eyes ”Tuscany. Have you ever been there?”
He nodded head in denial.
”Unfortunately no, I haven’t. Most of my time I spent in southern Italy, where I lived and trained. It was pretty hard though with acclimatization. Living on my own, away from my family and friends. Thankfully it was hot like in Australia” he managed to get a laugh from me ” but yeah, Tuscany… I heard it is beautiful”
”It is. You are going on a bike trip, you see tall, slim trees along the roads. Silence is your only companion. You can feel burning hot Italian sun on your skin and gaze at the fields… fields of sunflowers. Heaven. I hope you will be able to visit it one day”
After another couple of minutes I heard him speak again
”Hate to ask about it…” he sighed ” you are leaving soon am I right?”
Oh my god, how could I forget.
”Shit, I have a flight today”
”Today?” He sound genuinely surprised.
”Yes” my voice sound miserably and somehow guilty. Being completely lost in memories and drunk on my best friend company I lost contact with reality. I felt how Daniel’s mood got worse a little.
”Honestly speaking, I thought you will be here longer” his voice didn’t revealed any emotion but after some time he added ” I wish you had been longer ”
Catching eye contact with him I saw a hint of sadness on his face.
”I would want that too, but you know I cannot” I looked down ”Calls is what we have left then”
Suddenly, I recalled our earlier conversation, followed by red wine and luxury of Monaco’s marina.
”Dan” nickname caught his attention ” when we spoke on the yacht… what do you meant by needing a break?
I noticed how hw swallowed thickly and tensed a little.
”I don’t know” he said after while ”I can’t imagine retiring, stoping racing. It’s my life. I guess, it were emotions”
I knew he was speaking only part of the truth.
”I assume it must be very late” he said ”or early, what the fuck I’m saying. It’s day already” soft chuckle escaped me ” Come on, you must be tired, let me offer you a stay”
”No, it’s fine. I will go back to my hotel”
”Please, stay at mine. You have a flight in few hours, let’s go home” his tone was close to begging. That is when I connected all dots.
I know why he wants me there.
”Okay” I answered quietly.
***
Silence accompanied us whole journey to his apartment. It was with us in the elevator and when he took out his keys to open the door.
It was not my first time here, he took me once here after party. Being a good soul helping me after I totally lost myself in drinking. The memory of that night washed me with shame. Why I did that? I don’t remember. It have must be pathetic to look at me at this state. Somehow it wasn’t for him. He was patient with me and put all his heart to take care of me. It always amazed me how good friend he is, how altruistic and pure.
Somehow I felt uneasy. Even if I was in his company, which always made me fulfilled and secure, my head was full of guesses about the kind of situation Daniel was living through.
We stepped into the hall and I took off my shoes again that night. He looked at me first time uncertain what to say.
”You can sleep in the guest room”
I nodded my head and made effort to give him a slight smile.
”Thank you” my voice sound disturbingly quiet.
“What… What time do you have your flight?” he looked away and went further into the room.
I looked how he disappeared from my view.
”Five pm” I answered and followed his steps. I walked into living room and saw him standing and facing the window. Apartment had enchanting views which left me speechless. Monaco was fully awaken now, sinking in the gentle sun. I focused my attention on dark silhouette once again.
Unsure I took slow steps forward him.
”Daniel, are you feeling alright?” I asked placing my hand gently on his shoulder.
Seeing him without smile, immersed in thoughts was dreadful.
”Yes, just-” a loud sighed escaped his mouth ”Still thinking about what I said earlier. It’s though, you know how it can be”
He was now fully facing me.
”Honestly, I can’t imagine how hard it must be” I said not lying ”Remember what I told you. Never forget that. You are not alone.”
”But what if I feel like I am?” his voice cracked.
I hugged him. I could feel how his embrace become strong and tight, he needed this. His head buried in my neck whilst he inhaled my scent loudly, trying to calm down. He was sobbing.
I knew I hit sensitive spot. That’s why he wanted me here, in his apartment for just more couple of hours. Afraid that he might wallow in despair I agreed. As we step inside we both realised thet idea wasn’t good and it will only make our farewell harder.
”Shhh” I made noise with my lips and affectionately put hand on his head.
”You are here with me” I said.
Some time had passed before he broke the embrace looking at me with mournful expression. After collecting himself back together he made grieved smile.
A single band of hair fell on my forehead. His hand was fast in taking it away from eyes and tucking it past my ear.
It shouldn’t felt right but it did. It felt perfectly appropriate, like it always should have be done.
He took me in his arms again, pushing his body closer. I knew he wanted to feel my presence, making himself sure that I’m here and he is not alone. He put one of his hands on my head, delicately stroking my hair. We swung in the rhythm.
”Daniel maybe we should-”
”Shh” Now he was the one who silenced me.
He put his other hand on my lower back. As a reaction to his touch goosebumps started to appear all over my skin. This shouldn’t feel like this.
He stared to breathe even more deeply and rapidly. His organism started treating my scent as a life-giving substance, drugging him and messing with mind. He was in a maniacal state, progressively loosing control.
”Don’t leave me” his voice suppressed.
”Not planing”
Why I sounded weak?
The atmosphere changed diametrically. I could not comprehend what was happening through whole evening between our two. It was like entering an unfamiliar terrain, where everything was alien and felt different. I couldn't navigate around it without knowledge and consciousness.
Daniel’s touch didn’t make it better. Wanting more and more he started moving his hands up and down my spine, making it more intimate then it should be. His rough palms were wandering on my body in killingly slow pace. They left a hot, burning trace even they were cold after long time we spent outside.
I placed my hand on back of his neck.
What we were doing?
I got dizzy from various emotions that took over my logical thinking. I felt weird craving that was deep inside me I thought I never had. Apparently It was there for so many years, waited to be released. Sudden panic gripped me completely. I didn't want to accept the truth, I tried to fight with it.
I distanced myself quickly, listening to leftovers of my common sense and looked at him.
Daniel’s reactions told me I wasn’t the only person experiencing this wide range of sensations. I could barely notice bright honey in his eyes anymore. Dark, glistening shade of them was something new. Filled with lust they gave me shivers. They were wandering across my face with affection I have never seen before. Admiring and captivating me and ephemeral moment we shared as if it were the last.
”Don’t leave me” he said rapidly ”stay with me, I so fucking miss you”
Desperation was barely hidden in his voice.
”I’m here, why you miss me” I said weakly trying to calm my pounding heart.
”You are going to leave. As you always do. And I will have to spend another eight months alone” his voice was breaking “ Shit. I cannot do this anymore, I need you”
“Dan, I-”
”I need you” tone of his voice got much lower.
A gasp almost left my lips.
”Stop talking and kiss me already”
It was everything Daniel needed to break distance and connect our lips hungrily. Hidden desires of us, not acknowledged for a such long time got to breaking point. We pushed the safe line and we both knew it well. Separated from reality we let rejoice discovering ourselves over again. Passionately experiencing how does it fell to be so close, adored.
We both couldn’t get enough of this addictive feeling
I could feel how his left hand went up my leg, being gentle and thrilling at the same time, while right secured my back. Stunned, I didn't pay importance to place where my hands were. Sometimes they were focused on his vanes, slightly digging nails into skin, sometime they found they way in his long brown curls leaving them in mess.
Suddenly I felt how my foot lost contact with the floor. My body was being lifted and in a messy rush push to the bed.
This is what friends do, right?