Archive of Our Own

They were so warm.
Honestly, you didn’t know what you’d expected. You’d done this thousands of times before, but leaning back against your lover’s chest, their scent of spiced cherries, earthen pine, and soft vanilla latte blending together into something so warm and welcoming you swore you could live in it, it always shocked you as much as it had the very first time they’d allowed you to curl up on their torso, how their chest softly rose and fell with every breath they took underneath you as you relaxed into their hold, your head rested comfortably on their shoulder, pretending to keep your gaze on the TV screen in front of you for only half as much time as you allowed your eyes to stare up at their relaxed form, the ambience of a reality show droning on that you'd long since stopped paying attention to. Moments like this with Artemis... you didn't want to waste a second of being with them.
Sunlight filtered into the dimly lit room through the windows that made up most of the wall you were near, the plush mattress of their bed cradling the two of you together amidst the art on the walls, the desks and chairs and plants that surrounded you, including the one the two of you had most recently bought together. You couldn't believe they'd made you mushy enough to agree to adopt a plant together, as you weren't usually the sentimental type, but... honestly, it had been to cute to resist. You softly glanced over your shoulder, to where Artemis towered above you, their brows softly creased in wonder, fully immersed in the show you'd selected, and, although you’d seen them thousands of times, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to look back at the screen.
Their darkened hair fell over their face in that softly messy style they preferred, all curls and fluff that you’d only recently found out they love to have brushed and braided, those ruby red eyes behind the glasses they wore caught on the screen, mouth in a soft ‘o’ as their long, darkened antennae tilted back, red framed glasses slipping down their nose as they slightly leaned forward in what looked like suspense, even with the stability the long, pointed ears provided them. Their gilded earrings softly glittered in the sun the large windows of their room let in, and although you’d been here many times now, sitting on their bed, there was something homey about them, and the way that they had the place decorated. It was a home in the way you couldn't describe. People could live anywhere, could take up space in any house, but the one Artemis resided in was genuinely a home. People lived, and laughed, and loved each other here. You could feel it in the walls, as though every ounce of care Artemis and their roommates had poured into the place now rested inside it, and it cared for them in return. This was a family's house, delightfully dysfunctional in every way, and you loved every part of it, including the people who rested there. When you’d first seen the place, you’d called it ‘eclectic’. None of it matching, but all of it a part of them, each piece that resided a part of something that had brought them genuine joy, even if it was only for a moment in time, as though their room was a scrapbook where they preserved everything they’d ever loved. The painting you'd bought them at the art museum included, from one of your very first non-offical dates. Your heart swelled softly as you remembered how touched they had looked, their heart practically bursting when you'd offered them up that part of themself. You'd had to work a few more hours the next week, but you didn't regret it a bit. You'd gladly do it again. The house was a collage, a stained glass window of the colors and items and feelings that meant the most to them. And, by that train of thought, you supposed you were also now in that category.
As for Artemis' roommates, you hadn't seen much of them, other than giving a gentle 'hello' to Mordag when you'd first arrived, but she and Kurou, wherever he'd run off to, had seemed content to allow you and Artemis to do as you pleased. This had been your one day off from work, and a part of you had never been more grateful for the ability to unwind, especially when unwinding meant napping next to one of the people you cared about most. Or, at least, attempting to. But, seeing as they were being adorable and distracting, you'd realized that sleep was not likely something you'd get with Artemis being an illegal level of cute.
You glanced back up to the delinquent in question's face, and at their expression, the way those eyes glowed as they stared wide eyed at the screen, so full of that gentle sparkle of life, of the wonder they felt, you felt a content, lovestruck sigh escape you.
Those soft, loving eyes flickered down to yours, and they met your gaze, blinking at you once as one of their brows arched, your cheeks going a soft shade of pink as you realized you'd accidentally disturbed them, but you returned their gaze, your face cracking with the dopiest smile they’d likely ever seen on you as you stared into their eyes for a moment. God, you felt so unbelievably cliché, but with Artemis, it was so sweet, you almost didn't care. You were an idiot in love, and you adored every second of it.

“..what?” They whispered softly, a crooked grin spreading across their face as they stared down at you, their curls bouncing to the side as their head tilted so that they could properly see you. Even like this, curled up and hunched over next to you, they were still taller than you, but the slight intimidation you’d felt back when you'd very first met them was long since gone. They were too cute to make you feel nervous now, even if every so often, they did give you a joking kick to the shins when you’d say something that would make them go red.
Your heart swelled as you watched them, alive and well and smiling at you, and you felt the slight breath you’d taken in once again leave, your remaining tension leaking out of your muscles along with it, and after a moment, you murmured back softly.

“Nothing.” You beamed, giving a nuzzle into their side, before leaning up to gently brush your lips with their jaw, smiling against the soft skin as your eyes flickered half shut. “... Just you.”

“I- Me?” They asked, their voice quiet and low, even as a murmured laugh reached your ears. “What about me?”

“Just… you. And that you’re here, and that I’m here.” You said softly, pulling back just a touch to look up at them with a rather shy expression. “I dunno.”

They seemed to think for a moment, and you watched as the gears in their head turned, before the playful twinkle in their eyes faded away, giving way to pure affection, and they smiled. Really, truly smiled, not playful, but peaceful. Gods, you nearly lost your mind every time they looked at you like that. It made you want to cry from the sheer relief that you’d ever met them, that they’d ever spilled their drink on your shirt the first time you’d encountered each other in Webbe's. You’d have to say, it was one of the best things you’d say had ever happened to you, and, as silly as it was, to this day, black coffee and cinnamon was one of the few smells you never wanted to be too far from.

“Just that you’re here, and I’m here… and that I’m lucky enough that I get to be here, with you?” They asked softly, their cheeks going a soft shade of pink as you felt them gently grasp your hand, and you allowed your fingers to entwine with theirs. It was like they could read your mind. You'd never been great at voicing your opinion out loud, finding your skill on pen and paper far outmatched any poetry you attempted to spin vocally, but Artemis didn't ever seem to mind when you went quiet, and every silence with them was a content one, but sometimes it was just... so nice, that they knew how you felt, even when you didn't always know quite how to say it right.

“... yeah. Yeah, I really am.” You said softly, beaming up at them, giving their hand a gentle squeeze, and for a moment, you couldn’t believe it was real. It really had been one of the best days of your life when they’d walked into it. Or, you supposed, rather, the day they'd walked into you coming in from the back patio. You gave a silent chuckle at that.

You turned back to the buzzing TV, nuzzling into their chest as you side eyed the screen, spreading your limbs across the bed as far as they could go, just getting comfortable as you melted into the mattress, into their side. Artemis never once blinked at how you often laid, stretched out and softly relaxed, feeling even the muscles in your brow go loose as you took a deep breath, and allowed it to leave you. Sure, life had its problems, but if you could do this, could come and simply sit and be with them, could take a break from… everything that plagued your mind, your schedule, your life, just to do something you enjoyed? To take a moment to do no more than exist, in a spot with someone you loved? Well, you think you’d be just fine, for as long as life would try to throw things at you. Peace was an option, and for the first time in your life, you’d met someone who made you feel exactly that.
Of course, there was the embarrassment, the sparkles in your chest and the butterflies in your stomach every time someone mentioned them, the way your heart softly raced when they genuinely laughed, how your insides turned to mush when they glanced at you with those kind eyes, but it was more than that, too. Your love was the gentle safety that you felt whenever you held their hand. The feeling of being wholly and truly seen whenever they glanced at you. The feeling of being loved, even when it was a part of yourself you didn’t like. They respected your boundaries, and you respected theirs, but the two of you always helped each other when you could, and you worked to collaborate on the best outcome rather than attempting to compromise. Making each other, and each other’s realities, the best version of themselves they could be. Your fought for each other, not against, and you invested in the other with no fear, because the trust you'd developed was unbreakable. You didn't have to worry about anything, because you knew, whatever came your way, the two of you would face it together. That was more than you'd ever thought you'd be able to ask for.
And, by gods, the way they smiled… you swore it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in your life-

A twinge of pain. You twitched.

…What?

You looked down for a moment, glancing around for what could’ve caused it, but.. There was nothing. You turned back to the TV, resisting the urge to softly shake your head. It was likely just a reflex.

Doctors.

The channel had changed.

Doctors, huddled around a bed, speaking in hushed tones, and your eyes went softly wide.
Another pinch of pain. Right in the middle of your elbow, and this time, you genuinely flinched.

“Hey- You okay..?”

Your head snapped up to Artemis, softly startling when you realized how near they were to you, their softly round brows creased in worry as those elegant wings of theirs flared out behind them, and you felt the soft appendage nearest to you gently come up to brush against your back. You realized, with a blink, that you must’ve gone stiff, or flinched harder than you'd thought, as your poor partner looked genuinely concerned, and confused. Your eyes flicked back to the TV screen, and there were no more doctors, no more bedside tables, no more needles. Just a commercial for the newest season of Midwest Singles, and whatever shitty reality TV show would come after it. Had the channel really changed at all...?
You let out a gentle breath, very gently forcing your shoulder muscles to go loose once more, although you let out a lightly agitated huff at the pinch of pain you felt once again, right at the crease where your forearm and upper arm connected, a soft spot, right at the center of your inner elbow. Oh. That made sense. You reached down with one hand to gently rub at your inner arm, attempting to get the prickling to cease. It didn’t hurt you, not badly, but those scars hadn’t ached in years, and this was a little more intense than the usual pinches became. Sure, you could stand when the scar tissue ached a bit, but usually, a gentle rub was all it took to get it to go away. You felt like there was still something in there, another metal rod shoved into your blood vein. Your eyes clearly told you there was not.

Gods, phantom pains were the worst.

“Y/N. Are you okay?”

Artemis’ voice snapped you out of your thoughts that time, their tone still gentle, but it had surprised you, as they didn’t often speak as firmly as that. You looked at their worried expression, giving them a gentle smile to try and ease their nerves, blinking as you realized how much they’d sat up. Shit, you’d forgotten that they didn’t know. They likely weren’t used to this. It hadn’t happened in so many years that you yourself had honestly forgotten to mention it.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay, hon.” You said, voice going soft as you leaned over to gently press a kiss to their collarbones, a bit more intimate than you usually dared to be without asking first, but, honestly, it was just so that you didn’t accidentally make the pinching worse by moving too much. You didn’t want to crane your neck to reach all the way up to their cheek, as you knew it would sometimes make the feeling last longer, and that was the last thing you wanted. “This just happens sometimes, that’s all. I’ll be okay, just... maybe gimme a few minutes.”

Their eyes went softly dark for a moment at your hesitant tone, their expression going softly concentrated as they thought, their gaze flicking to the bedspread even with the pink that had bloomed on their cheeks from your gentle brush of the lips, and after a moment, they looked down at your arm, as though trying to catch a glimpse of what you were covering with your fingertips that rested upon your inner elbow, your hand rubbing gentle circles on the tensing muscles of your arm every time you felt yourself start to flinch.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” They asked softly, their voice back to its usual gentle tone, and, although they were speaking to you, you noticed that those ruby red eyes stayed locked on your moving fingertips, as though they weren't sure they wanted to look away.
You thought for a moment. ... Did you want to talk about it?
Well… you supposed, if you had to talk about it with anyone, Artemis wouldn’t be a bad option. You really did love them, and if anyone would understand the nagging feeling, you felt like it would be them. They’d never once judged you for anything else, not in all the time you'd known them. They were safe. And they deserved to know.

“... It’s not really anything." You started, voice slightly weaker than it had been. That statement wasn't completely true, but, you'd faced it enough times that it didn't bother you much anymore. "Back when I was younger, I was…” You trailed off, hands waving softly as you attempted to find the words, not particularly sure how detailed you wanted to get, so you settled on something simple. It had been so long, you'd almost forgotten how to explain it. “...Showing symptoms, of potentially being really sick.”

You glanced back to their face, and Artemis simply nodded, their eyes finally flicking up to meet yours from behind those red glasses. For a moment, you went shy at the eye contact while speaking of a thing like this. You didn’t mind, not really, after so many years of having to go through the motions of it, but something about it being them, and after so long, made you more than a little self conscious. They seemed to look from your eyes, to the expression on your face, ruby red orbs tracing the lines and contours of your features, but you blinked as they then looked away, leaning in closer to you, and you turned a soft pink as you felt them come to a halt, turning to rest their head on top of yours, the warm air of their breath as they rested their nose in your hair making your heart melt. You let out a quiet squeak as you felt a soft kiss planted to the top of your head, but they didn't move again, simply staying there, as though allowing you the time and privacy you needed to sort through your thoughts in silence. You leaned into the touch, letting out a gentle sigh as you felt another pinch on your arm, and, after a moment, you softly continued, focusing on the rise and fall of their chest beneath you.

“... Long story short, as a little kiddo, I had to get tested to make sure that whatever had screwed up one part of me wasn’t going to spread to the rest of me. I had to get an MRI, I had to get a CAT scan, and, I had to get more blood draws than you could count on one hand. Pair that with a squirmy, stressed little kid with ADHD who couldn’t even comprehend what was going on, or why these scary people were telling me there was something wrong with me after my guardians had told me the same thing my whole life, and… well, you can imagine how well that went down.” You murmured softly, eyes flicking to the bed in a quiet shame. You'd found out later in life that none of it had been your fault, but it still made you feel bad to think too hard about.
“...They had to hold me down, every time. I’ve- well, I’ve gotten over most of it. Found out where the aversion came from, found out it isn’t the needles I don’t like, it’s the being held down. I can deal with the needles as long as I’m not staring directly at them. But, every so often, the scars will ache. I just- didn’t say anything, because it usually doesn’t last for more than a few seconds, and it hasn’t happened in years.” You shrugged softly, giving the softly throbbing spot another gentle rub, but you could feel your brows crease at the light pain, giving a gentle sigh. “That’s all. Didn’t mean to scare you.” You chuckled softly, but it was a dry laugh, leaning back into their chest. Laughing things off had always worked for you in the past.

Artemis stayed silent for a moment, and you listened to the sound of their gentle breathing as you rested against them, your mind filling the gentle quiet with the sound of the TV mixed in with the sound of your thoughts, your eyes fluttering shut as you softly winced. The dull pinch had started to throb, and for a moment, you worried you’d been rubbing too hard, or if just the touch had been making it worse. Artemis seemed to be contemplating, and you didn't want to take away from their moment they likely needed to process. After all, it had taken you years-

“...What does it feel like?”

You blinked in surprise.
“...What?”

You felt them pull back slightly, enough to be able to look you in the eyes as your head snapped up, those red orbs gently wide as their brows creased, and you realized, it was a worried expression that was now marring their face. “S-sorry. I just- I was just wondering. Does-” They cut themselves off, and you watched one of their hands come up to their face, where they bit at a darkened nail for a moment, freshly manicured with black paint, just the night before, by you. Odina had shown you how to do it. “..Does it hurt?”

You blinked.
Once.
Twice.

Your heart melted. You hadn’t... been expecting them to ask you that, and it had taken you a moment to process the words, but you knew they hadn’t meant the question in a bad way. They were concerned for you, and that thought alone was enough to make a bit of your tension seep out of your muscles.

“No, no. You’re okay, Artemis.” You said softly, looking them in the eyes, holding their gaze even as you watched them turn a soft shade of pink at the sound of their name escaping your lips. “I just- I don’t think I’ve… Ever had anyone ask me that, before. It’s- It’s a lot, but it feels really…” You trailed off for a moment, attempting to find the right words as your brows scrunched, one hand moving as you allowed your mind time to catch up with your mouth.
“..Humanizing?” You said, voice hesitant, but the word felt right, your free hand softly waving around a bit for emphasis as you continued on. “People tiptoe around that kind of stuff, y’know? But, to have it acknowledged that I’m not just… crazy, or overreacting, it means a lot.” You said softly.
You realized you’d started to ramble, your face heating slightly as you looked up to meet their gaze, only to find them softly staring down at you, soft affection glowing in their eyes. They remained quiet, letting you have time to say anything else you needed to get out. You'd never felt more grateful.
“... It feels- It feels like, there might be something stuck.” You said softly, rubbing your thumb over the aching area once more. “I know scar tissue pinches, and it doesn’t- really hurt, all that much, per se. But I can definitely feel it. It feels like they’re trying to shove another needle in, if that makes sense, even though I can clearly see they aren’t, and they couldn’t, because I’m not- there.” You said, trying to get out what you meant, even if you didn’t exactly have the words for it. “Or, like, when they put the needle in, when they took it back out, it doesn’t feel like all of it- came back out. Like there might always be a little bit stuck there, even after all this time.” You murmured, your voice softly fading out as you looked at the affected area. The scars were far too small to see, but that one spot, after being pierced so many times, it really may have left a part of the experience with you forever.
Even if it wasn't a part of the needle that got left behind inside of you.
You’d never be able to forget, but at the same time, you could barely remember. The memory itself was torn between being a blur of nonsense and being a snapshot in time, a singular vivid image burned into your mind amidst a smudged movie of frames that made up the rest of the event. Hands and bright white lights and arms being held down, numbing spray and the smell of disinfectant and the rough sheets beneath you on the too small hospital bed. Screaming. White coats and monochrome walls and too many people. Loud.

“...Hey. Can I-” You heard Artemis speak, voice softly rumbling out from their chest, and your head snapped back up as you returned to the present, watching the way the TV now absently flickered in the background, making yourself incredibly interested in the desk by the mothperson’s bed, your eyes scanning the papers there even though you knew there was no chance of your blurry vision making out the words from where you were currently resting. You weren't sure you could look them in the eyes right now.
Your eyes snagged on a flicker of movement, and you sucked in a soft breath as you glanced toward it, a brow raising. What was..-? Artemis’ darkened hand, reaching out, their palm up, right next to where you were softly rubbing the inside of your elbow.
You blinked, frozen for just one moment.
And then you looked back at them.

Their face was softly nervous, lips quivering, as they turned with worry in their eyes to face you, their cheeks pink.

“...Can I?” They softly repeated, and for a moment, you heard their voice break at the very end of the sentence, your ear flicking at the sound.
You blinked once more, raising a brow at them, before your eyes went wide.
Oh.

Oh.

They wanted to touch your scars.
They were asking if they could put their hands there.

“I just-” They started to stutter, and your eyes went wide as they proceeded to ramble, nervously trying to explain themselves as they stared at you. “I just- I want to see if I can- You told me, once, that I made you feel safe-. And, I know… I know that things like that, they sometimes flare up when you’re feeling… not. Safe. And so I just- I wanted to see, if maybe I could help you… get out of your head, and help you realize that you are- here. With me, and that they won’t ever be able to hold you down, or make you hurt like that again-”

“Artemis.”

Your voice was firm as you said their name, and their mouth snapped shut as they looked at you, wide eyed.

“... Of course you can.” You said softly, voice barely more than a whisper with how you knew it might crack if you were to speak any louder.

The moment they’d tried to explain, your heart had turned to mush.
They wanted to help. And to rub your scars, and to make the small amount of pain that still lingered with you stop.
You had fought for your whole life to get that kind of peace.
Had spend every day, looking for something, some way, trying to find anything to get your mind to fully calm. To let go of that feeling, and to just stay in the moment. To be able to live and laugh and love without consequence, and without fear.
To have your scars throb, and then relent, because there was no need for them to.
And Artemis wanted to give that to you.
For the first time in… a long, long time, you weren’t the only one fighting for your well being. For your happiness.
They wanted that for you. They wanted to give you peace. And in that moment, you silently realized... they already had.
So, you softly let go of the throbbing area, your arm flinching softly as another pinch hit the scar, but you didn't stop.
You rested your arm in Artemis’ open palm.
You sucked in a breath, and released it, leaning back into their embrace as you felt them go softly still, their body going stiff for a moment, and you nervously sucked in a breath. Was this too much for them? You didn't want to scare them off, that was the very last thing you hoped for.
You blinked, turning your head to face them, just enough so that your whisper would reach their ears.

“...okay?”

One second.
Two seconds.
Three.
You felt them nod against your head, and their body slightly relaxed.

... Okay.

You allowed your eyes to flutter closed, and when you felt the first brush of the pad of Artemis’ thumb over the sensitive scar, you gave a sharp inhale, flinching slightly as one of your eyes opened halfway, but you kept as still as you could, reminding yourself that it was only them, and when you’d relaxed once more, Artemis’ thumb traveled back down to the scar, barely ghosting the surface of your skin.

“Okay..?”

Their voice ran out behind you, nervous, but steady, and you gave a nod as soon as they asked. It was always comforting, to know just how considerate they were, even when it came to things like this, that they'd always checked with you, and the thought alone was enough to get you to lean a bit more into their grasp.
You felt their thumb softly move, and you allowed another deep breath to enter your lungs, before blowing it out, as they seemed to fall into a rhythm, circling the sore spot, drawing gentle shapes on the affected area as they scooted closer to you, and you let out a near silent purr as you felt their other arm come to cradle your side, tugging you closer to them, and pressing their face into the crook of your neck as they let out a long, soft sigh, rubbing absentminded circles on your skin as you felt their form fully relax against yours as well.
You smiled, before allowing your breathing to slowly fall in sync with theirs, a deep, slow murmur of breath, every soft inhale allowing you another whiff of their scent, that spiced cherry, earthen pine, and hint of vanilla latte practically consuming you as you felt yourself become one with them for a moment in time.
Their scent wrapped around you like a blanket, so different from that of the hospital you’d traveled to so many years ago.

Warm, gentle sunlight pressing at the lids of your eyes. No white light.

Soft blankets, in every color of the rainbow. Peach sheets, not a hint of hospital blue, on a bed you could splay out across, that you had room to lay on. Not cramped, not rough.

Not strangers holding your arms down, but Artemis, gently rubbing a pain that had long since gone as you leaned back on their shoulder, the warmth of their body heat flooding you, the sound of their breathing in your ear and their voice echoing through your mind. No fear. Only safety.

No crying.
No screaming.
No restraints.
No restrictions.

“... you’re free.” You heard them whisper softly, their warm breath brushing against your neck as they spoke, and you leaned into those words. Into the comfort they brought you.

They were right.
You were free.
You’d never have to go through that again.
And if you did, Artemis would be there with you, every step of the way.
No restraints.
No doctors. No fear.

…

… No pain.
Your scars had ceased their aching, leaving behind the ever so gentle and pleasant brush of Artemis’ fingers on your skin.

You were free.

And moments like this would never be few and far between.