Chapter Text
Lady Danbury’s gaze was piercing as they exited the carriage. Despite her exhaustion, Kate could feel her posture straighten at once. She stood like a solider with her bag and Newton’s lead clutched tightly in her hands and Edwina stood like the debutante she was. Even Newton sat, not even pulling away to explore his new surroundings.
Lady Mary was the final one to leave the carriage. She smiled brightly and put her arm subtlety on Kate’s arm and then they all lightly curtsied.
“Lady Danbury, I cannot thank you enough for sponsoring my ladies' season.” Lady Mary trilled, forcing energy into her voice and movements. “I have often thought of this day, but yet I still cannot believe that it has arrived.”
Kate quirked her lips up at Edwina and Edwina smiled wide, through out her 6-month journey to the British Isles Edwina had spun tale after tale of the romance she craved. Kate’s heart ached, she desperately wanted Edwina to find someone who could provide her with the life she craved but, it hurt to think of their eventual separation.
Lady Danbury circled around them, her gaze appraising and analyzing. “Anything for a dear friend. When you left us Lady Mary, I did not expect you to be gone for so long.”
“It was not my plan.” Mary’s voice was only a bit more than a whisper.
Kate didn’t know if it was her exhaustion or paranoia, but she could swear that Lady Danbury was looking at her with particular interest as she and Lady Mary exchanged pleasantries. The Lady Danbury showed them to the east wing as the west wing was preoccupied by the Duchess of Hasting. Her Grace was on the way to Hasting's house when a bout of nausea overcame her, and she needed rest before she could complete the rest of the journey.
“The stewards will bring your belongs to your rooms. The suite on the right will be yours Mary. The washroom is next to the suite. Kate and Edwina, these two rooms to the left, will be yours.”
“Are we not to share a room?” Kate asked. “We have always shared.”
“You two are no longer children but grown ladies. You can sleep independently.” Danbury announced. “Why don’t you refresh yourselves and afterwards you all may join me for tea.”
Lady Danbury looked down at Newton who stared up at her with his large down eyes, his tail wagging lightly at the new attention. "Is that creature to remain here?”
“Lady Danbury, I assure you that Newton is a kind and clean dog. He will not make a mess and I will care for him. He is dearly loved.” Kate said just as she rehearsed.
“I shall not hear or see this creature.” Lady Danbury raised her eyebrow and Kate nodded. “Now, off with you.”
Mary smiled encouragingly at the girls. Kate smiled at Edwina, and they went into their respective rooms to clean the sweat from their bodies and change into something suitable for teatime. Kate eyed her bed with longing, she let out a sigh and placed her bag on the bench at the end of the bed and unpacked her most important belongings while Newton made himself home under her desk.
She placed the brush Mary gave her with her kajal, rouge, and oils on the vanity and her sketchbooks and pencils on the small desk provided to her. She carefully unpacked the lavender gown she had stored at the bottom of her bag onto her bed and smoothed out the wrinkles. The stewards would take a moment to haul their belongs for the season up to their room, even with as light as Kate’s was she was sure it would take at least an hour. The carriage would need to be parked and the horses secured before the stewards could start to unpack their luggage.
A maid arrived to her room with a wash basin and a handful of wash clothes. Kate stripped down and methodically cleaned herself, delicately washing her left forearm. The bruise had long ago healed, but Kate couldn’t seem to rid herself of the stain.
She massaged the oils into her skin and hair. Taking the brush, she worked though the knots and braided her hair into a crown and twisted her hair up as the English preferred. She changed into her gown and slipped on her gloves. Kate peaked under her desk and found Newton running in his sleep. Kate went to her sketchbooks and flipped to the end of her smaller one. The larger one held sketches of landscapes and the smaller one had visions of memories, moments and wishes.
Kate carefully creased the page as close to the binding as possible and carefully tore the page out before she went to Edwina’s door to see if her sister needed help. Edwina had yet to begin preparing, dreamily spinning around the room and staring out the window in her excitement.
“Is it not amazing Kate? Such a beautiful home and we get to stay here for the entire season!” Edwina pressed her fingers against the glass, the cloudy English sky made the grass seem all the more vibrant.
“Edwina, we must start getting ready.” Edwina’s smile was contagious, and she could not stop her lips from lifting. “But I do have a surprise for you.”
Edwina squealed at the sight of the paper, running to Kate to pull it out of her hands.
“Please be careful, I worked hard on that.”
“Didi this is utterly brilliant! You’ve captured every detail; it was as if he was there with us!” Despite how eager Edwina was, she tenderly griped the paper by the edges to prevent smudging the graphite. Edwina and their late father, Miles Sharma, were drawn smiling while resting in what was their room abroad the ship that brought them to London.
“Did father like ships?”
Kate had a vague recollection of being nestled between her father and her step-mother when the made the trip from London to India: laughter, warmth and exasperation when Kate grew restless from seeing the same 4 walls for months on end. “He never grew sick, but I think that he preferred dry land to the sea.”
Edwina smiled thoughtfully at the picture and Kate felt guilty. She had memories that Edwina could never enjoy, but she would do whatever was needed to ensure that her sister never felt without. Kate had always enjoyed drawing. As a child it was helpful to take the pictures stuck in her head and put them to paper so she could be rid of them. When their father passed and Mary hid in her room, Kate tried to be the parent that they were lacking. Kate found the thing that soothed her sister’s tears the most was the reminder that their father was still watching over them.
Even when Kate knew he wasn’t, for if he were he would have never let their situation become so precarious.
There was a knock on the door. “Come in!”
Edwina put the picture carefully on her desk before rushing towards her luggage to unpack a suitable dress for tea. Kate ensured her own belongs arrived in her room before returning to Edwina’s room to help her dress and do her hair. They walked hand in hand down to tea.
Kate was thankful to smell masala in the air and she smiled at Lady Danbury in thanks for a warm cup of chai and the citrus treats. “This is most gracious; I cannot be more thankful for your considerations and attention to detail.”
“I assure you that I see all, down to the smallest detail.” Lady Danbury sipped at her tea. “Are you ladies ready for the season?”
“I cannot wait to dance.” it was the perfect opening for Edwina to go into the details of what she hoped her season would bring, or rather who. Edwina craved a scholar, someone who she could have discussions with about philosophy. “There will be so many new people to meet and friends to make.”
“And you Miss Sharma?”
“I am here to ensure my sister’s success. I will see Edwina married off to a man that knows how utterly remarkable she is and can give her everything she deserves. I am not here for myself.”
“That will need to change.”
“Excuse me?” Kate looked to Mary for guidance. “I do not know what you mean.”
“I am sponsoring both of you, am I not?” Lady Danbury set her cup down. “When Mary wrote to me, she spoke of her daughters needing assistance to find proper suitors for the season.”
“I-I” Kate’s eyes flickered around the room, unsure of who to turn to. “I do not know what you mean. I have been put on the shelf and Edwina has just now arrived. “
“Who has said this? Who has declared you a spinster, when you have yet to take a turn around a ballroom floor? I pride myself of knowing the intricacies of the ton and if I say that you are a debutant this season then you are Miss Sharma. “
Lady Danbury had a way of saying things, so you had no choice but to believe her. Kate strained a smile as Mary nodded to Lady Danbury’s words. Edwina seemed overjoyed with the idea.
“Is this not fantastic? Maybe we will both be married by the seasons end!”
“Fantastic.” as soon as the word slipped from her lips, Kate had to turn herself away from Lady Danbury’s gaze, wishing she had the ability to bite her tongue. Kate spent the rest of the conversation trying to redirect Lady Danbury’s attention to Edwina when it was turned to her. Edwina’s answers were exactly what was expected, what was wanted. Kate’s answers were defensive, she couldn’t help herself, because she knew she was not what was wanted, but she was not the type to lie.
“Her grace, Daphne Bassett, Duchess of Hastings.” A steward announced as a beautiful lady with bright eyes and a quick smile walked into the room. She was dressed in a pale pink, dress flowing around her growing child. A steward quickly created a place for her at their table.
Kate, Edwina and Lady Mary rushed to their feet to curtsey, and Lady Danbury went to Daphne and kissed her on both cheeks, laying a hand on her rounding stomach. “Are you feeling better?”
“Much improved, thanks to you. Am I too late to join you?”
“Of course not.” Lady Danbury took her grace’s arm and turned towards the Sharmas.”Your grace, please meet Lady Mary and her daughters, Miss Kate Sharma and Miss Edwina Sharma.”
“A pleasure to meet you.” Mary and her daughters said in unison.
“And I you.”
“Please sit, I am glad you have made it for these young ladies need all the assistance that can provided to them.” Lady Danbury tone made Kate’s eyebrows furrow. “Miss Edwina speaks French, Greek, Latin, Marathi, and Hindustani. She plays sitar, maruli, and pianoforte. She can also dance.”
“How lovely.” Daphne smiled charmingly and Edwina mirrored it perfectly.
“Miss Kate speaks the same number of languages. Plays no instruments but seems to have some interest in the flute. Why she even mentioned that I haven't a clue.” the sneer in Lady Danbury’s voice was familiar. “She knows only how to lead a dance, and knows more math, literature and history than is proper for a lady of the Ton. She can apparently shoot.”
Her Grace lips circled in surprise while Kate stared at her cup and gritted her teeth.
“Do you have any lady like pursuits?” Lady Danbury scowled.
“Kate draws beautifully! She also paints, her primary medium is watercolors.” Edwina shared, wanting Lady Danbury to see Kate as Edwina saw her. “She just gave me the most exquisite picture of our time on the ship, she even incorporated father into it for me. I can show you! She’s given me several over the years.”
Mary’s eyes softened and she couldn’t find it within herself to admonish Edwina for her interruption. Mary looked to Lady Danbury and at her nod she gave permission for Edwina to leave to the table. “That sounds lovely dear.”
Edwina glided off with a smile.
“You created a new one?” Lady Mary asked.
“There were only so many games of chess Edwina was willing to try and only so many conversations about the season I could tolerate, so the rest of the time I drew.” Talking about their late father with Mary was always uncomfortable. Mary still teared up at his image and Kate desperately wanted to do anything prevent Mary from spiraling into the darkness again.
“Is your father on a walk? I find long journeys incredibly tiering. Some like rest, but I enjoy activity” Daphne smiled encouragingly at Kate.
“Our father has passed away a few years back.”
Daphne pulled her shoulders back and her face paled, “I am so sorry, I assumed from what Miss Edwina said he was still with you.”
“There is no reason to apologize,” Kate smiled softly at something in the distance. “I draw him into our lives sometimes, so Edwina can miss him less. So, I don’t forget his face, his smile.”
Daphne smiled, “After my father’s death, I often sang my siblings to sleep. I stayed up for hours singing to them and would fall asleep next to their beds.”
Kate turned to Daphne and for a moment Kate felt like she could see the girl Daphne once was. Felt like she had met a kindred spirit in this remarkably accomplished lady, who seemed so different from herself. “Do you have many siblings, your Grace?”
“I have 7.”
Kate struggled to keep from choking on her biscuit. “I am so sorry, your Grace.”
“Do not be.” who Daphne giggled “My family is rather infamous; it is refreshing to find someone who hasn’t heard of us. I am the 4 th , my father and mother were deeply in love.”
“It must have been nice, to have so many voices to fill the silence.”
Lady Mary bit at the inside of her lip and Lady Danbury quietly observed the scene in front of her. Sometimes the best thing to do is to stay silent to get the answers you seek.
“Silence was rarely found, well unless we were up to trouble and hiding away.”
“I’ve kept every picture.” Edwina swept back into the room, with Kate’s sketches in her hands. “ The pictures are made from pencil so the safest place to hold them is by the corners, this way the images don’t smear.”
Kate’s heart warmed as Edwina eagerly handed Lady Danbury and the Duchess a picture, hesitating a bit before handing one to Mary. Edwina had always said that she loved the pictures, but Edwina was nothing if not kind. If she had carefully kept all the drawings, then Edwina must have truly enjoyed the pictures.
Mary’s hand trembled, “Kate.”
Kate swallowed, tears that welled in Mary’s eyes. When she first gave Edwina a drawing, Edwina had immediately shown it to Mary. Mary was devastated by the sight and had screamed at the girls before sending them crying to their room. But, when Edwina had asked for another picture a few months later and Kate couldn’t help but create one for her.
“Kate, you’ve captured him perfectly.” Mary smiled. “I-”
“This is stupendous! This is something we can work with, there are several members of the Ton that would find you an exceeding talent.” Lady Danbury cocked her head at the picture and Kate thought to herself that it would be the kindest compliment the Lady would ever say to her.
“It is beautiful Kate. I would love to see what you can do with paint.” Daphne shifted in her chair. “I have a brother who is interested in all things art, Benedict, perhaps you two could meet and discuss sketches and paintings. I’m sure he’d be jealous of your talent.”
“You are too kind your Grace.”
They chatted amicably, Daphne and Edwina discussed the pianoforte and it led to Edwina giving them a performance of her favorite pieces. The Duchess praised her performance and Edwina shyly asked Daphne about her experience in her season and how she could be chosen as the next diamond. Edwina excitement for the season was endearing and Daphne shot Kate a smile over Edwina’s head. Daphne and Edwina seemed so similar to Kate, Kate also had ensured that Edwina had everything that the Ton wanted – Edwina would be the season’s diamond.
Kate was sure of it. From what Lady Danbury had said, the Queen wasn’t impressed with any of the debuting ladies. In fact, she had apparently cast aside the presenting ladies to read a scandal sheet
The day passed by quickly and soon it was night. Kate and Edwina were excused to their rooms after the Duchess retreated to her room and Lady Danbury required a private audience with Lady Mary.
“Oh Kate, I cannot that this day has happened at all. Living in this grand house and meeting a duchess, a duchess Kate! I think her grace is most kind and I think that she thinks of us as friends. She seemed so keen on you!” Edwina whispered as they walked to their room. “If a Duchess is our friend, then surely that will help our chances at finding a match this season.”
“We’ve just met the Duchess, I don’t think that we are allowed to call her a friend just yet.”
“We must get a hold of these Whistledown papers, Didi! We could learn so much.”
“Absolutely Bon.” Kate smiled. “I’m sure Lady Danbury has a subscription, but we must get copies from last season. It will reveal so much about the Ton.”
“I cannot believe that our first ball will be tomorrow! Whatever should I wear?”
“You will look beautiful in anything Bon, lay out your dresses and point at random and you will still look more beautiful than anyone else there.” Kate pulled her little sister close, hugging her shoulders tight.
Kate and Edwina chatted in Edwina’s room until Kate insisted that they take rest in order to be prepared for the following day. Kate ensured that Edwina was actually preparing for bed before she went to her own. In the quiet of her own room, she could feel exhaustion creeping into her bones. Kate quickly pulled the pins from her hair and brushed her hair, counting the strokes quietly.
There was a knock at her door and a maid stepped in, bowing deeply. “Miss Sharma, Lady Danbury requires an audience.”
“Now?”
“Yes, I am to escort you there.”
Kate stood with a nod. While her hair was down, she was still dressed appropriately, and she doubted that Lady Danbury would wait for her to do her hair. She followed the maid and her thoughts swirled. While Lady Danbury certainly found her lacking, Kate didn’t think that she had said anything so terrible that it needed private censorship.
Lady Danbury smoked, taking long drags of her cigarettes. “I may as well save us both the trouble, I know that you have not been the most straightforward with me.”
“I do not -”
“Correspondents from the Sheffield's arrived, for you, much to my surprise. I had no idea you were in contact with your grandparents.”
“They are not my grandparents, mine may not be nobility, but they were good people.”
“Then why are you corresponding with them?”
“I cannot keep us afloat any longer, I - “Kate blinked back tears and hoped that her father wasn’t too disappointed by her. “If something is not done soon, then Mary and Edwina will be left dissolute. Staying in India was not an option. I contacted the Sheffield's and they have agreed to pay for Edwina’s dowery and support Mary’s lifestyle if Edwina marries well. Mary is aware of their involvement.”
“And you? What happens to you?”
“They do not want me.” Kate swallowed, “they’ve said they’d pay for my trip back, but I’m hoping to persuade them to allow me to remain. I believe I can find occupation as a governess, regardless of the location living in England will allow me to be closer to my family then living in India will.”
“So, you are choosing to playing into their hand? Playing by their rules?”
“What choice do I have?” Kate hated crying in front of people. It never did anything. ” I promised my father that I would take care of them.”
Lady Danbury extinguished her cigarette. “You do still have choices.”
Lady Danbury patted the seat next to her and Kate sat down. Lady Danbury took Kate’s hand, “You can marry as well.”
Kate pulled her hand away. ”I am twenty and six. I have no acceptable parentage and no dowery. Who would want me? Edwina needs to be the focus.”
“I know, child, you have a mirror, and I am not going to waste my time flattering you. There is nothing so terrible about you that cannot be overcome.” Lady Danbury pulled Kate’s hand back. “If you want to ensure that you are able to stay close to your family, then marriage will be the surest way. You must give yourself a chance.”
“Edwina - “
“Edwina has me, has her mother and has you.” Lady Danbury stomped her cane on the ground with her free hand. “And you have us as well. Mary, Edwina and I.”
“I-”
“Does it not bring you relief to know that you are no longer alone in your fight for your family.”
Alone. The word made it hard to breathe. Kate squeezed lady Danbury’s hand, “I don’t want to be alone.”
“Try then, say that you will try.”
“I will try.”
Lady Danbury opened her arms for a hug. Kate knew that she probably expected a light squeeze, but Kate couldn’t help but hold Lady Danbury as tight as she could. It had been a long, long time since anyone had comforted her.
“Go to bed now child.” Lady Danbury patted Kate on the back, pulling away.
Kate nodded stepping towards the door before turning back, “Edwina doesn’t know about this arrangement.”
“She doesn’t?”
“If she knew, Edwina would say yes to the first man kind enough to say yes. I don’t want her to feel like she needs to sacrifice for our family.”
“Like you have?” Lady Danbury sighed, why do children insist on making matters more complicated than necessary.
“She’s my little sister. I never wanted her to experience any pain.”
“I will not tell her.”
“Thank y-”
“You will.” Lady Danbury stomped her cane. “She deserves to know.”
Kate nodded, once again walking to the door before turning back once again. “There is something else I’d like to ask of you.”
“Yes?”
“I would be very thankful if I am allowed a ride tomorrow.”
“We have much to do tomorrow, child. Did you forget about my ball?”
“I’m a lark, I’m sure I will wake very early, and I go and be back before we all break our fast. We’ve been on the ship for 6 months and I have been dreaming of nothing else but feeling the freedom of a gallop.” Kate instantly regretted asking for permission, she should have asked for forgiveness afterwards.
Lady Danbury cocked her head and pursed her lips. “Three dances.”
“What?”
“You will dance with at least 3 gentlemen of my choosing and you will try to keep from hovering over Edwina. You are not her mama.”
“I do not think there will be 3 gentlemen willing to dance with me.” Kate bit her lip. “I have always been a bit of a wallflower.”
“So was I, once.” Lady Danbury rejoiced at the look of surprise on Kate’s face. “I don’t think that I’ve ever met a lady so arrogant and insecure at the same time. You will get a horse in the morning and in return you will dance with at least 3 gentlemen and try.”
“We have an accord.” Kate bowed and left for her room.
Lady Danbury waited for Kate to leave the room and make it part of the way to her room before saying, “You can come out now.”
The Duchess of Hasting’s nose was red, and she carried two slices of lemon cake on a single plate. “Such a kind girl.”
“Why are you crying?”
“I cry over everything these days.”
“Are you going to share?” Lady Danbury gestured to the plate.
“No.”
Laughter rang out from the room.
Flashforward ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An Heir and a Spare. Anthony was annoyed by the phrase as a child. His siblings weren’t spares, but his father would always laugh when it was said so he never made a fuss of it. As a young man he understood the necessity of having multiple heirs to ensure that the family estate passed down to the right hands rather than that of a stranger.
After Edmund “Ned” was born, both Anthony and Kate were excited for another. Kate’s pregnancy wasn’t pleasant for either of them, she had been nauseated and had measured small throughout her pregnancy. They had both been concerned, but Edmund’s birth was delightfully standard and while he was small, but he was mighty – his first cry could be heard throughout Aubrey Hall.
Her second pregnancy was just as difficult as the first, but the birth was truly torturous. The baby was not turned the right way and once again a doctor was asking Anthony to make a decision, “The baby or your wife?”
“Save both, save both!” He screamed.
“There is something that can be done, but it will be very painful. Both can be lost.”
Anthony looked to Kate, sweat dripping down from her forehead and thought about little Edmund who was being comforted by his Grammy Violet. “Save Kate, save my -”
“NO!” Kate threw a pillow at the both of them. “Do it, I can handle the pain.”
“Kate-”
Kate reached for Anthony’s hand, and he gladly gave it. A moment passed between them and then he turned to the doctor. “Let’s try.”
The Doctor came to the bedside and twisted Kate’s stomach, forcing the baby’s head down. Kate screamed and Anthony gritted his teeth so hard that it felt like he had broken his back teeth. Never again, he though. If they made it though, never again.
5 hours later, Miles Benedict Bridgerton was born. He was small, smaller than Edmund and had a weak cry. He was cleaned with warm washcloth and returned to his mother, who while exhausted was thankful for the blessing bundled in her arms. Anthony watched the new life they had created, counting his breaths and left an instant love for the newest and littlest Bridgerton.
Once the doctor was done with Kate he stepped away from the bedside and signaled to Anthony. “Lord Bridgerton, that child will not live.”
“What?” Anthony’s face paled, “What can be done?”
“There is nothing to be done, my lord. The boy has a couple days at the most.” the doctor said with certainty. “You have an heir, my lord, another spare can be made.”
Anthony lunged for the man and had to be pulled off of the doctor by his valets and his brother Benedict who had arrived due to the commotion. “Get out! Get out of my house!”
“What did he say?” Kate bundled Miles close.
Anthony swallowed and lowed his gaze, “He said that we only have a couple of days with him.”
A cry ripped from her throat before Kate could stop it. “No, no he is wrong.”
“Kate-”
“HE IS WRONG!”
Anthony went to her side and pulled them both close.
“You must know that he is wrong?” Kate whispered.
“He is wrong.” Anthony agreed.
Kate and Anthony could not tear their eyes away from Miles. Kate ensured that Miles feed every 3 hours, desperately waking to ensure that he would latch properly to her breast. Anthony would stay awake for hours counting his breaths, rocking him to awareness whenever it appeared that he had stopped.
After a week, little Miles started to cry more often. After a month, he could stay awake for 2 hours during the days and after 3 months he was the size of a typical newborn and his parents finally felt like they could stop holding their breaths.
The next season, the family of four arrived to London for the season. As Bridgeton's they couldn’t escape the pressors of society. Kate and Anthony had left the boys with their Nanny and were determined to stay only for as long as needed.
Anthony had stepped away from his wife to engage in discussions about parliament when it happened.
“Bridgerton! I hear congratulations are in order.” Lord Goodrum announced. “An heir and a spare.”
“He’s not a spare.” Anthony ground out. “His name is Miles Benedict.”
“You have an heir and now another. I believe that makes him a spare.” Goodrum looked around at the small group of men that stood around them. The other gentlemen could tell the tone in Viscount Bridgerton’s voice indicated violence, but Goodrum would not stop. Even without the wine in his hand, the man was a loud mouth.
“Lord Goodrum, I am going to have to ask you to cease. I do not care for that term, and I will not have it applied to my child.”
“What? A spare?” He laughed. “Not even you could deny that he is the disposable one!”
Anthony swung and blackened the man’s eye and once again the Bridgerton were embedded in scandal. Kate and Anthony escaped into the night and waited for society to make their judgement.
Lady Whistledown could have written much worse about them, but it seemed as though she was amused by Anthony’s dedication to his family and Anthony was thankful that everyone knew that Miles Benedict Bridgerton had never been considered a spare and never would be.