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“Where the hell did all the catnip go?!” Levi asks Erwin ungracefully, holding Baby to his hip and bouncing him lightly as if he really were a baby. Baby is a cat. “Erwin, I think we’re out. Could you run to the store for me?”
By now, Erwin is keenly aware of Levi using his omegan charm against him when he wants something for Baby. Levi will look up at him with those sharp grey eyes and bat those long eyelashes until Erwin complies.
He's so annoying.
So Erwin will not comply. If Levi wants to spoil Baby with luxury cat foods, toys, and tissue paper (that he will have to clean from every surface in their apartment) then Levi can spoil him by himself.
“I’m a little busy at the moment,” Erwin tells the omega, though he is only munching on an apple with his laptop opened in front of him. He isn't busy, he's watching funny videos on YouTube and enjoying his weekend like he should. “I’ll get it later. Sorry.”
With his peripheral vision, Erwin can see Levi purse his lips.
“But Baby is hungry, Erwin.”
Erwin tries really hard not to smile. Ah, Levi. Who does he think he's fooling?
“Baby has canned food,” Erwin shrugs. “He also has food in a bag, and in a box, and snacks.”
“But our Baby wants catnip, Erwin,” Levi enunciates the word slowly as if Erwin will just bend over backward for the cat like he does. Ha! “Look at him, Erwin. He's hungry.”
Erwin, because he's just a good guy, actually turns his head to look at the plump little ball of black. That cat just had two snacks like an hour ago. Erwin takes a bite out of his apple.
“Looks fine to me,” Erwin shrugs again, and this time, his lips betray him and he cracks a smile because Levi is positively piqued now. “Maybe Baby needs to eat less. He's kinda fat.”
The whole weekend, Levi does not talk to Erwin after that.
——
The next time is exactly 10 days later, Levi is just coming home from work after staying up late (again) and doing homework for hours. He's exhausted, no doubt, as exams are coming up and Levi’s anxiety is through the roof. He shows Erwin as much when he gives Erwin another errand to run.
“Erwin, I’m so tired, I can barely move, take Baby for a walk. I'll pay you.”
“I’m tired too,” Erwin shrugs, but he doesn't want to upset Levi too much, so he is obligated to give Levi a better excuse. “I can't take Baby on a walk, Levi. Besides, it's too warm outside for a walk, don't you think Baby will overheat?”
“That’s why I bought him that stroller, remember?” Levi explains. “It has a mini fan inside and a seatbelt. He won't overheat.”
Ah, yes. The €450 stroller (for babies) that cost them 2 weeks of eating real food because Baby just needed to see the whole campus. Erwin sighs internally just thinking about it.
“I think Baby is tired and wants to rest.”
“Baby wants to take a walk!” by now, Levi is a little frustrated with Erwin because he isn't obeying him. Good. “He doesn't want to rest, I already tried to put him to sleep twice. He won't stop bouncing around, I know when he wants to take a walk!” Levi exhales and tries again, calmer this time. “Erwin, it's just 20 fucking minutes of your time to push a cat around in a seat. That's all.”
“Then why don't you do it?” Erwin really wants to laugh right now because Levi looks like he’s 0.3 seconds from biting his head off. “He’s your cat, and he knows you, he doesn't know me. I think he’d be happier if you did it, Levi.”
Levi didn't speak to Erwin at all for four days after that.
——
Finally, Levi’s heat has arrived. Erwin knows because all the food is gone and Levi’s sweet scent is everywhere. He also knows Levi will come back home and sit Baby on his belly so the little black cat would knead his tummy with his paws.
But Erwin is a dirty devil.
Earlier in the day while Levi was still out and Erwin was home, Erwin decided that Baby needed someone else to take care of him while Levi wasn't feeling well.
So he called Hanji.
The loud, rambunctious computer science major that eats takeout 3 times a day and never cleans their room. But Baby is in great hands, Hanji loves cats.
So now Erwin waits.
It isn't long after Hanji takes Baby that Levi comes home, and then he immediately goes looking for his beloved kitten. Erwin has to again hold back his laughter. It's just a tiny revenge.
“Where’s Baby?!” Levi sounds out of breath and he looks positively pissed off now. “Erwin, put down your damn phone and look for Baby!”
“Ah,” Erwin shrugs. “He’s with Hanji.”
“Why the hell is he with Hanji?!” Levi’s cheeks are already flushed because of the heat that will likely set in full swing in the next hour or so, but he actually looks red now. Like an angry cartoon character. “Erwin, if you don't put down your phone, so help me...”
“I just thought that you needed to rest,” Erwin smiles coyly. “Hanji loves cats, he’ll be fine.”
Levi then yanks Erwin’s 92kg body up from the couch by his collar, and there goes that wild Levi-look that only appears when he is properly pissed off.
“You dumbass!” Levi shouts. “Hanji is filthy! And I need Baby! You know he relaxes me! Why would you do that?! Why are you being such an ass lately?! It's seriously pissing me off!”
Finally, Erwin can come clean. And it's actually the perfect time. Levi is hot — really hot when he’s yelling like that — and bothered, but also emotional and hormonal, so he should just melt when he hears Erwin’s confession, shouldn't he? Erwin sucks in a deep breath.
“How do you think I feel when you prefer to watch Masked Singer with Baby? Or when you boss me around and send me on wild goose chases for Baby? Levi, you made me change his diaper. He's. A. Cat. And then how am I repaid? That's just it. I never am. So maybe I wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine for once. You can't say I'm the bad guy here.”
Levi takes a step back, releasing Erwin’s collar, but he is still glaring pretty intensely.
“You could have just told me you didn't want to help me take care of Baby.”
Erwin takes a step closer, just one. This is it: this is the part where his superior romantic knowledge knocks the socks off Levi.
“I wouldn't mind so much if maybe...” Erwin shrugs, feigning shyness. “You gave me some of that... Attention. We used to hang out together, you know? I just miss those times.”
Levi blinks. Once. Twice, then he sighs.
“So, all of this was just to get my attention?” Levi doesn't sound...
Swept away. Not in the slightest, but Erwin can still try.
“Well, yeah. I missed you. When it was just you and I, I miss those times.”
“You’re the one who bought Baby here, you idiot,” Levi’s intensity has died down some, but he still looks disappointed. “You know what? Why don't I call you Baby and Baby Erwin, because now he's the only responsible, mature, and level-headed one and he's 2 months old!”
Wait.
“Does that mean you think I'm mature and responsible?”
“I did!” Levi shakes his head in disappointment. So grumpy. “But this is just childish. Why didn't you just tell me how you felt? You didn't have to give Baby to Hanji to get your point across. Don't you know I need him? I'm all out of ibuprofen and Baby’s little paws help. You really didn't consider how I would feel in your shenanigans, Erwin.”
Oh. That's right. One of the reasons why Levi kept baby in his room for a whole week when he was in heat was because Baby would press his paws into Levi’s belly and apparently, that relieved his cramps.
Erwin feels kinda dumb.
No, really dumb. Levi is right, he was only thinking about himself and what he wanted, not what Levi needed.
“Uhm,” Erwin scratches the back of his head. It's something he does when he's trying to think his way through things. “I-I can- uh. Make you feel better...” One look at Levi’s surprised face and Erwin realizes what that would imply and he quickly starts shaking his head. “No! I didn't mean it like that! I-I meant that I’ll give you a massage. Yeah. I'll run you a nice hot bath and then I'll give you a massage and tea. How does that sound? I'm really sorry.”
“Oh, you big ape,” Levi says the words without bite, he is looking at Erwin with a look Erwin hasn't seen in... Weeks. “You're so dumb, Erwin.” Levi closes the gap between them, but this time he isn't threatening violence. He wraps his arms around Erwin’s midsection, and it feels so heavenly and sweet. Erwin might cry. “Sounds good. Carry me, my legs are sore.”
Erwin happily obliges with this command when he puts one arm around Levi’s back and the other behind Levi’s knees, carrying him down the hall to the bathroom. Levi is small but he's heavier than he looks. Erwin doesn't mind. Levi is the hardest worker he knows, and he deserves to be spoiled for once, and if Levi forgives him for being an idiot this way, even better.
Besides, Levi is gorgeous and he smells delicious, especially with his toned, warm arms around Erwin’s neck.
However, Erwin only notices just how sweet Levi smells when he sits him down on the sink.
He looks at Levi, awaiting his next command with bated breath when Levi, whose stunning grey eyes have gone heavy-lidded and dark, orders him:
“Undress me, Erwin.”
Erwin smiles, rolling up his sleeves, and taking a deep breath.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea that he left Baby with Hanji. Besides, with the way Levi is looking at him right now, Erwin knows he can help Levi relax even better than any tiny paws could anyway.